“Survivor” Retrospectives: Vanuatu

Well, following “Survivor All-Stars”, the show seemed to be on a streak.  “Survivor The Amazon” and “Survivor Pearl Islands” were both very well received, and “Survivor All-Stars”, while not the greatest season ever, was very much a tribute to the past, and so was still pretty well liked.  But going into the 9th season (Vanuatu), the big question was “How do you top returning castaways?”  The short answer is that you can’t, but unfortunately, it is part of what led to Vanuatu being seen as a poor season overall.  However, is it really deserved, or was it just bad timing?  Does the season whose best review calls it “forgettable” really fall at the bottom of the barrel?  Read on and find out.

First, though, a quick reminder that this review does contain spoilers. If you just want an opinion on how watchable the season is, scroll down to the bottom of the page, where I will have an “Abstract” section that will answer this question, while only talking about this season in the broadest of strokes.  But let’s waste no more time, and plunge into the review.

CAST

In my cast preview for “Survivor One World”, I listed off 4 types of seasons, and cited Vanuatu as an example of a strategy-dominated season.  You can read my full description of the implications in my blog, the link for which I have provided (

https://idolspeculation.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/idol-speculation-survivor-one-world-cast-assessment/), but suffice to say that seasons dominated by strategists usually are not received well, and that’s certainly true of this season.  A boring cast is one of the things most often cited as why Vanuatu was a bad season.  Here, though, I have to disagree.  While I do admit that Vanuatu had fewer “characters” than previous seasons, it was also one of the few seasons where nearly everybody was good at playing the game, and almost nobody shirked away from strategy.  The few exceptions (such as Dolly Neely) were quickly disposed of, leaving us with an intriguing, unpredictable game.  Seriously, looking at the season as a whole, without knowing the outcome, would you guess that Chris Daugherty would walk away with the million?  The man lost the first immunity challenge for his tribe, and was the last man standing against a strong, six woman alliance that had systematically picked off his allies!  I wouldn’t have given him any odds to win, and yet he did.  While I won’t go into much detail on the others, you certainly can’t deny that everyone who made the merge, at least, went in for strategic thinking with few qualms.  This, to my mind, made the season very intriguing.

Another major criticism of the season, which goes along with it having fewer characters, is that there were no villains to hate.  You couldn’t root against anybody, couldn’t hunger to see someone gloriously voted off, because, even when being strategic, these people were nice, or else working out of desparation.  Chris might have been good villain material, and he certainly had the one-liners for it, but having a villain win was considered bad P.R.  This led to Ami Cusack (who my dog is named after) being classed as a viallian, which, to a degree, she deserved.  I’m sorry, Eliza Orlins, but Ami snuffing out Travis “Bubba” Sampson’s and Lisa Keiffer’s torches after only the slightest HINT that they might vote you off, counts as villainous.  Does this mean that she’s a bad person?  No, none of the contestants are, they just played strategically.  A lot of people don’t like the moral conflict, being unable to outright hate someone, but I personally find it fascinating.  Pushing the limits of morals, seeing the duality of people’s personalities and actions, for me, that’s a thrill ride, and a big part of what I like about this cast.

While I will admit that this season did not have the biggest characters, I also wouldn’t say that it didn’t have ANY characters, it’s just that they’re not talked aobut very much.  Lea “Sarge” Masters is the prime example, portraying the stereotype of the drill sergeant, barking orders around his tribe, and getting fed up with more lackluster members like Rory Freeman.  Also a character was Twila Tanner, who portrayed the southern, hard working, no nonsense mom to the point where it cost her a million dollars. The problem was that these people were strategists as well as characters, and even then weren’t the most extreme characters ever, they still had some of the characteristics.  Two other people I should note, even though they aren’t “characters” are Chad Crittenden and Julie Berry, the former being the first contestant with a prosthesis (which, in a sense, is all he is remembered for, as he had the approximate personality of white bread), and the latter dating Jeff Probst for a significant period of time.  Both were ok strategists, who weren’t the greatest characters (although Julie’s attempt at nude sunbathing was a valiant effort), but got remembered for things unrelated to the game.

In short, I’ll say that what other’s see as weaknesses in this cast, I see as strengths.  A cast doesn’t need to be polarized characters to be exciting, and it was refreshing to see a majority of strategists at the merge.  It made for interesting psychology, and for my money, made this one of the better casts.

Score: 9 out of 10.

CHALLENGES

The best way I can describe the Vanuatu challenges is “meh”.  This is not to say they’re bad by any stretch of the imagination, oh no!  When they want to be awesome and epic, they take it to the extreme.  For instance, the Final 4 Immunity Challenge, a Vertical Maze, was truly exciting and new, making it one of my favorites (not quite top 5, just due to the number of amazing challenges, but easilly top 10).  The problem is that the inverse is also true: when the challenges aren’t amazing, they’re boring and forgettable.  Seriously, although the challenges aren’t awful or cringe-inducing, everything just seems toned-down and phoned in this season.  I think it was hindered by a few problems. First of all, the location is once again “Generic South Pacific Island”, so it didn’t have a distinctive culture to draw on.  Scratch that, it DID, but aside from a few Tamtams (and a hilarious incident with a pig that I’ll discuss in the “Twist” section), they didn’t do anyting with it, and this was the nation that invented BUNGEE JUMPING!  Seriously, you couldn’t come up with ANY good bungee jumping challenges?  The other big problem, though, is the main twist of the season, which I’ll here reveal is the return of the battle of the sexes.  As I mentioned in my review of “Survivor The Amazon”, when a season is “battle of the sexes”, you have to make the challenges fair for both men and women, which means generally toning down the intensity of the challenges.  This is fine, as long as you make the challenges interesting and clever, as they did in “Survivor The Amazon”.  However, the challenges in Vanuatu are simplistic and held back, which just doesn’t do it for me.  It did give us one staple challenge, which is to line tribe members on a balance beam, and have them navigate around each other, but this was the exent of it.  Again, the challenges aren’t bad, and when they’re good, they’re REALLY good, but for the most part, a weak season challenge-wise.

Score: 5 out of 10.

TWISTS

If people don’t complain about the cast of Vanuatu, the twist is usually their target, and with good reason.  As I mentioned before, the main twist of this season was a redo of “battle of the sexes”, which in and of itself was a good idea.  The problem is that it had been done not even two years ago, so it still seemed fresh in people’s minds, and it seemed like a cheap cop-out on twists.  Now, the show was no stranger to reusing twists (the tribe swap being a prime example), but this was the first time a main twist was completely rehashed, so again, it seemed like a cheap move on the part of CBS.  I would agree that reusing a twist so soon would be a bad idea, except for two reasons.  The first is that it was somewhat forced on the producers, rather than a concious decision to reuse the twist.  The DVD of Vanuatu (which I highly recommend) explains it better, but basically, the season’s opener (one of the best ever, I might add, with the natives attacking the boat, and a very violent welcome ritual) separated the men and the women, as part of the custom of the natives.  The trouble is that when this happens, people talk, and once people talk, you have to put them on the same tribe, to prevent pre-game alliances from forming.  The second reason I don’t mind a redo of the sexes is that the outcome was different.  I don’t mean just the ultimate winner (although that was a change between seasons), but just in how the tribes played things.  For one thing, while tribes did divide along age lines (so there were SOME similarities to the first battle of the sexes), this time the older group came out on top, as opposed to the younger group of “Survivor The Amazon”, which made for some interesting gameplay.  Also, this time, gender loyalties stuck beyond the merge. Bottom line, same twist, different game, makes it ok in my eyes.

Part of the battle of the sexes twist was the opening ritual, in particular one aspect.  The men were offered a chance to climb a tall pole greased with pig fat to retrieve a spiritual stone, rumored to bring good luck.  However, were they to fail, the women would get it.  Lots of superstition sprung up around the stone, so it made for good tv, and I’m glad it was in the game, and the challenge had a lot of potential as well, with lots of men falling flat on their faces in the offing.  The problem is that the man the natives picked to go first was an FBI agent, who scaled the thing on his first try, with almost no effort.  This really depleted the tension and the interest in the twist.

I suppose what could be considered the next “twist” was the “Fat Five” alliance of Chris, Chad, “Bubba”, “Sarge”, and Rory.  Not so much in that the alliance existed, that was old hat, but that it was the first time someone (Chris) failed so miserably in the first immunity challenge, completely costing the men victory, and lived to tell about it.

Our next twist is a first, one not brought on by contestants or by the producers, but by nature itself.  An earthquake shook the island, which was at least interesting to see.  It was followed by natives coming to each camp, asking for a leader.  “Sarge” was chosen for the men, and Scout Cloud Lee for the women.  They were then designated to change up the tribes, with a “One cuts and the other chooses” deal.  This was a fairly unique way to change up the tribes, and one that I rather enjoyed.

Coupled with this twist is another player-supplied one.  Rory, who along with “Bubba” had been exiled to the women’s tribe, at a 5-2 disadvantage, somehow made the merge, “Bubba” having gotten the axe for trying to signal the men’s tribe to throw the challenge.  The thing is, Rory was a throughly disagreeable individual.  Loud, abrasive, and prone to tantrums, virtually everyone wanted Rory off.  Given that he was the man who threatened to invoke the “slash, burn, and salt the earth” policy, this is hardly surprising.  Yet he showed remarkable amounts of cunning and resourcefulness and made it through, much to everyone’s amazement.

One minor twist came a few days after the merge.  At tree mail, rather than a challenge, a pig showed up, leading to hilarity and intrigue.  No one knew what the pig was for, only that he could not be eaten, much to the dismay of “Sarge” and Twila.  It was also funny trying to see Eliza haul in an entire pig by herself.  So, a lot of fun and mystery with this twist.  The one drawback was that it only lasted one episode, and the reveal was simply that it was a gift for a tribe that 4 people would visit for a reward, so a bit lackluster there.

The only other major twist to speak of has already been talked about, namely that Chris managed to survive 6 women who wanted his blood.  This, for me, rocks my socks, and makes up for all the so-so parts of the season.

So looking at the season, one can see why others don’t like it.  They reused a lot of twists, what few there were, and a lot of the twists were lackluster.  While I admit this isn’t the greatest season twist-wise, I think a lot of the twists were underrated, particularly Chris’ feat.  Also, a lot of the twists came from the people, which I liked, so I think this season is respectable on twists.

Score: 8 out of 10.

OVERALL

So I say there’s a lot to like about this season, so why is it so disliked?  A lot of it, I think, has to do with timing.  It came right after a run of really great seasons, not to mention the meta “Survivor All-Stars”, which would be hard to top in epicness without getting returning castaways.  This made an alright season seem less good by comparisson.  Also, the generic location worked against the season, hard though the producers tried to combat it.  This, plus the reused twists, make a lot of people neglect this season.  For my money, though, one thing saves it: the gameplay.  As I said, nearly everyone this season came to play, and it shows with some really great gameplay, not to mention a lot of unpredictability.  Bottom line, that’s enough for me, and I like this season a lot.  It’s not the strongest season ever, but there’s a lot of things to love.

Score: 30 out of 40.

ABSTRACT

Vanuatu is a great season to watch for any fan of good gameplay.  Nerely everyone brings their “A” game, and it shows, making for a delightful, unpredictable season.  While this is not the best season for those who like big characters, or those who love watching challenges, it is still a very good season, and well worth a watch.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor One World” Episode 1: In-jury Nullification

In this episode, the tribe speaks. A LOT. Thankfully, what they have to say is fairly entertaining, so good first episode on the whole.

Hello, and welcome back to “Idol Speculation”, my knee-jerk opinion that everyone is entitled to! Just like last season, immediately following my watching an episode I will write and post my blog which contains my feelings and analysis on the moves made this episode. Believe me, there were a lot, so let’s waste no time in diving in.

Opening the show, we see nothing special. We get the usual panorama shot of the location, so we can be sure that we’re going to get close ups of whatever vehicle is being used. Given that this is “Survivor”, it’s going to be a boat, a helicopter, or a truck. This year however, CBS gives us a real treat: A DOUBLE FEATURE! We get both a helicopter and a truck! I can hardly contain my sarcastic excitement.

True to “Survivor” form, we also get overdramatic Jeff Probst narration about how the castaways are totally unprepared for the new and exciting twists in store for them. Now don’t get me wrong, this is exceedingly corny, but lets face it, “Survivor” is corny. For another matter, it’s my opinion that, for once, it’s not entirely unjustified. Unlike previous seasons, where one could predict the twist (that being returning castaways) based upon the gender ratios of their tribes, this season starts out very generically. Admittedly, we do have the classic “Scavenge supplies from the vehicle” twist, but that’s nothing new. “Survivor Borneo”, “Survivor Cook Islands”, and “Survivor Tocantins” all started the same way, so it’s hardly suspect or new.

And now we come to one of the things I look forward to every season, hearing the new intro! Man, Russ Landau is so creative with these things, I can hardly… Wait, it’s over already… DAMMIT! CBS, it’s bad enough you cut short the themes in nearly every episode nowadays, but now you’re even destroying the sanctity of the first episode? Ok, so “Survivor Samoa” did the same thing, but they also had the full intro in most of their episodes. Here? I fear we’ll never get it.

After a suitable period of mourning, we see everybody disembark their “Survivor” ark, and get the usual banter from Jeff Probst, who can’t help but blatantly hint at the twist in his questions to people, asking them what they think of those of the same gender. Like people on this show always do, they inadvertently dig themselves into holes. Kourtney is the first victim, stating point blank that she doesn’t identify with the women. On a season where the tribes are divided by gender, I can‘t see this being a problem at all! Colton pops in right behind, although not as bad a screw up overall. Although he’s semi-positive, he takes great pains to emphasize that he is gay, and points out that this makes him different from the other guys. Let me be clear, I have no problem with his being gay. Truth be told, I admire his courage and boldness in being able to come out to everyone, and from Alabama no less! But dude, you’re supposed to be a “Survivor” fan, do you know nothing? Acknowledging differences early on is a good things, it keeps you from surprising your tribe and shows that you’re on the ups with them. But dude, don’t go out of your way to EMPHASIZE that difference! In the early days, people are on the hunt for things like that, they’ll snuff you in an instant because it’s easy.

Of course, there are those who don’t dig holes. Instead, we get some like Greg, who pulls a Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”) and insist on being called a nickname at the outset of the game. A little pretentious and annoying, but hardly a detrimental move. It did, however, inform me that I’ve been saying the name wrong all these years. It’s not Tarzan, it’s TarZAN.

Then, Probst comes out with the sweetest words I can ever hear him say, words that I’m sure made everyone sit up straighter in their chairs:

“Redemption Island is gone!”

Alleluia! There is a “Survivor” God, and he has cast the unrighteous down to hell! Already this season is in my good books.

While those are good words to hear, a lot of people (myself excluded) will say that a close second is the words following this joyous declaration:

“You have 60 seconds to strip…”

We get shots of women’s clothing falling to the sand. Straight men everywhere sit up MUCH straighter.

“…whatever you can off this truck.”

Buzzkill Probst. Buzzkill.

While maybe not being the “X” rated “Survivor” some people were hoping for, it is exceedingly interesting in another way. This is primarily due to one castaway, Mike, proving that he’s smarter than the average bear by taking his cue from Rupert (“Survivor Pearl Islands”) and stealing the supplies from the other tribe while they leave their pile unguarded, meaning that the men come away with a huge haul while the women are left with basic fruit. For all that I bashed Mike in my pre-game analysis for being just a meathead, this is a pretty good strategy. It proves you’re an asset, and weakens the other tribe while strengthening your own tribe. The one major downside to this is that it gives the women a score to settle, and hell hath no ass-kicking like one from a woman with something to prove. Things are not helped by Troyzan, who fires off a sound byte (he’ll be doing that a lot throughout this season) about how the men will do better than the women in everything. Troyzan’s comment thus kills any diplomatic relations with the women, and proves that this season will initially play out like every other same-sex season: with the men being super cocky and the women out for blood.

Deciding that he’s stirred up enough ratings for one morning, Probst sends the tribes on their merry way. I have to admit, I do like that they didn’t just drop them off on a random beach together, but kept the twist secret as long as possible. It made for some funny comments. It’s here that the men discover the second disadvantage to stealing the women’s stuff: you have to carry it. This shows the strength divide amongst the men, and somewhat surprisingly Leif is the star trooper.

This seems as good a pint as any to address Leif, and what I thought about him. In my pre-game analysis, I called him an early target, an almost definite first one off due to the fact that he stands out, and I doubted he could keep his mouth shut. Based upon this episode, I seem to be wrong. He was very good at keeping his mouth shut, heck he barely showed up in the first episode at all, though this may partially have been due to Matt, Troyzan, and especially Colton hogging all the screen time for themselves. So yeah, I was probably wrong about Leif. I still doubt he can win, but he’ll probably do better than I expected.

Sorority tribe, I mean Salani tribe, has different issues, specifically social ones. Alicia, much more of a go-getter than I expected, quickly forms opinions about everyone on the tribe, and forms an alliance of five. Give credit to her for that quick alliance building, that can get you far, though I’ll be addressing a problem with it a bit later. Also give credit to Kim, who is one of the people who did live up to my expectations. Although she seemed fairly dominant in the beginning (I heard her calling orders on the truck), she knew a good thing when she saw one, stepped back, and changed her game plan to suit the situation. If I’m there, I’m watching out for Kim, she’s playing the best game of everyone so far.

Both tribes arrive at the beach within a few minutes of each other, and, after taking a second to get over the initial shock, set about setting up border patrol to keep the two tribes separate. Things change, however, when the women find chickens and offer to split them 50-50 with the guys, if the guys help to catch them. I’m sure this is all on the up-and-up, a genuine diplomatic gesture, no way this is some subtle revenge by the ladies.

Women end up grabbing the chickens (if “Survivor” keeps going back to Samoa, the place will be devoid of fowl before too much longer), and, SURPRISE, refuse to share on the grounds that the guys stole their supplies. This gets the men’s knickers in a twist, particularly Matt, who claims it’s an insult to diplomatic relations. Dude, it’s “Survivor”, you really thought these people wouldn’t hold a grudge?

Oh well, time for another “Survivor” staple: the tribes trying to make fire. Surprisingly, a tribe succeeds for once, specifically the men. Props to them, that’s hardly a difficult thing to do. The women have no such luck. They do, however, have Colton. What happened to the big strategic mastermind he’s supposed to be? Fraternizing this early is not good strategy! You need to find the right time Colton! I’m not saying that Manono did anything to try and keep him there (Cochran, anyone?), but Colton, buddy, it’s too much, too fast.

However, it seems fires are not the only thing kindling at Manono. Alliances are as well, as Matt, Bill, Jay, and Mike come together to form a “strong guy” alliance. This is all well and good, establishing an alliance early on is a good thing (keeping it on later is debatable), but I notice one major error in these guy’s thinking. Apparantly none of them can do math, as they are 4 out of a 9 person tribe. That leaves five other disgruntled guys back at the camp, and last I checked, 5>4. In fact, this reminds me of the “Survivor Vanuatu” Lopevi (guys) tribe. I seem to recall that Brook, J.P., Brady, and John K. formed a “strong guys” alliance then as well. Based upon their placements of 18^th, 16^th, 14^th, and 11^th respectively, this is obviously a brilliant strategy, particularly given that you’re pissing off the swing vote Colton.

But more mundane matters are at hand, as the girls realize it is faster to flirt their way to fire, offering to have Monica take off her pants for some fire. Greg, excuse me, “TarZAN”, sees the offer and raises a naked pole dance by Monica and one other girl. Crazy and perverted. What a combination. Needless to say, negotiations break down, and the women go home empty-handed, despite a valiant theft attempt by Monica.

Evening comes, and the men are living large. Perhaps a little too large, as their guard falls asleep on the job, enabling the women to do the logical thing of stealing the men’s fire right out from under their noses. Serves them right, crappy watch like that.

It seems that even this cannot lift the women’s spirits, though, as the fire is out by morning. Newly appointed Secretary of State Christina Clinton decides once more to try to negotiate a trade agreement between the two nations, which succeeds in part due to the new ambassador to Salani, Jonas. I’m still not sure exactly what the deal was, but it did seem to benefit the women more than the men, so point for the women.

One woman who refuses to acknowledge the benefit of the deal is President Alicia, who, like Matt, refuses to acknowledge that the other side is people. Christina is fraternizing with the enemy, and must therefore be crushed even before misfit Kourtney. Here we get into the problem of early alliances: they splinter a tribe and often so doggedly target one person that it backfires. I see this being the case again, and it shows Alicia’s shortsightedness. Christina is unlikely to flip, as she’s not stupid and can easily see how solid the men are, and should you go into the merge at a numbers disadvantage, she’s a powerful asset. Like Mikayla (“Survivor South Pacific”) I think she’s underappreciated, and will go unfortunately early.

Challenge time! As you may have guessed, this is the standard first challenge for a season divided by gender, by which I mean it’s an obstacle course with a balance beam so the men can take an early lead and them make utter fools of themselves on the balance beam and totally lose the challenge.

History seems set to repeat itself as the men take an early lead in the challenge (incidentally, I’m surprised it took so long for a man to grab Bill’s shoe, as something like a missing shoe could cost a challenge, and it seemed like the shoe was right next to a lot of the guys). Kourtney says that this will not happen, however, as she lands wrong and breaks her wrist. Shortly thereafter she admits to Probst that she can’t continue and Medical is called in. Not surprisingly, Kourtney is taken away for x-rays, and the challenge is brought to a somber tone.

Here’s where I really admire Jeff Probst. I freely admit, I would not have known in that situation whether to continue the challenge or to call it off, but he handled it like a pro, deciding that since the men were ahead in the challenge, they can either declare themselves the winners, or honorably play it out with the women. Probst then loses some of that admiration by blatantly trying to get the guys to play out the challenge, when this would be strategically disadvantageous. Nobody wants to be voted off period, and nobody especially wants to be voted off first. Probst is offering you immunity, take it! True, it does piss off the girls, but their pissed off at you anyway, and if you lose and Kourtney comes back, you’ve gained nothing and lost a member.

Thankfully the men are NOT complete morons (again, thank you, “Survivor” God) and decide to take the immunity and go home, much to the chagrin of the women. I’m with the men on this one, though, the women would have done the same thing in their situation, given how cutthroat this game is already. I also give props to having Colton deliver the news, as he made it sound like a really tough decision, and was also probably on the best terms to deliver bad news to the women. I also give props to everyone but Troyzan for having Troyzan explain the situation (abrasively, I might add), as on “Survivor”, the messenger gets shot, no two ways about it. Like “Coach” (“Survivor Tocantins”) Troyzan makes a good scapegoat.

Back at the beach club we get a couple of good bits of strategy. First, Matt does a good job by playing up to the women that he wanted to finish the challenge, thus winning some brownie points in their eyes. An even better move, though, was Sabrina finding Manono’s idol, and giving it to Colton. An obvious move, to be sure, but it does help to screw up the tight “guy power” thing going, and keeps an ally in the game.

Following a brief speech on chivalry from Kim (save it honey, this ain’t Texas) we march off to Tribal, where Christina and Alicia go at it for no apparent reason. Dear God, it’s Brandon Hantz and Mikayla all over again, only this time, I suspect it will splinter the tribe even worse, as there’s no “Coach” holding them together. The other bit of business is that Kourtney, most unfortunately, is too injured to return, so the drama is put on hold. I have to admit, I’m really sorry to see Kourtney go. She seemed like a great character, and it was really a fluke that she left to begin with, as I think, had Salani still gone to tribal council, Alicia’s beef with Christina might have saved her, even if she was on the outside looking in.

So yeah, great start to what looks like an exciting season! And what better way to start off a good episode than with another edition of:

MATT’S TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

Given that this is the first episode, there’s a lot of things I could focus on: Tribe names, first challenges, Tribal Immunity Idols (incidentally, I kind of like the new one, it’s unique), but today, in honor of Kourtney, I’m doing the top 5 and bottom 5 first vote offs. To clarify, being in the top 5 means I think the people had it coming, and bottom 5 is people who got jobbed. So, we begin with:

Top 5:

5. John Raymond (“Survivor Thailand”): Really, this guy is a placeholder for all idiots who have no idea how to play the game and antagonize their tribe, but in my mind, he exemplifies this. John was uber religious when the rest of the tribe was clearly indifferent, and insisted on doing things the hard way because “It’s an adventure”. Those three words are almost guaranteed to send someone packing, and in this instance, John totally deserves it.

4. Jolonda Jones (“Survivor Palau”): Some might argue that I’m cheating with this one because technically Jonathan Libby and Wanda Shirk both left before Jolonda, but technically they weren’t “voted” out, they were kicked out by schoolyard pick-’em. To be fair, either Jonathan or Wanda would be good in this spot as well, but officially, I’m picking Jolonda. Talk about an abrasion on the tribe. I know she was good physically, but her craziness and bossiness earned her her torch snuff. Also, it kept Angie around, and I thought Angie was awesome, so there.

3. Jessica deBen (“Survivor Fiji”): Don’t remember this one? Well, unless you’re Jeff Probst, you’re in good company. Never before has a castaway left so little impact! I’m not sure she even got an interview. It’s for this simple reason that Jessica earns her spot on this list.

2. Jonny Fairplay (“Survivor Micronesia”): When you think “Survivor” and “slime ball”, you probably think Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”), but before that you would think Jonny Fairplay. Known forever as the guy with the gall to lie about his dead Grandmother, Jonny Fairplay is one of two things to people: a strategically genius or a chauvinistic jackass (I fall into the latter category). The trouble was, his strategy only worked once, and after that, people couldn’t trust him. Moreover, he’s just unpleasant to be around, and I was overjoyed when the Malakal tribe gave him the boot. But what could top a slime ball?

1. Sonja Christopher (“Survivor Borneo”): Someone I actually like, that’s what. Don’t get me wrong, Sonja’s a great character, but she cost Tagi the challenge, was one of the oldest people out there, and so it was very clear cut why she went (unlike some we’ll be seeing on the bottom 5 list). Moreover, from what I’ve heard, she was in good spirits about it, understanding, and still happy she did it. She’s just so satisfied, and made such an obvious boot, that I just have to give her the number 1 spot.

Honorable Mention: Peter Hartkey (“Survivor Marquesas”): I’d like to put this guy on the “Bottom 5” list, because he was only a little weird, fairly good physically, and I think he’d have made an awesome character. To be honest, however, he falls in the same category as John in emphasizing his difference, and therefore probably should be on the “Top 5” list.

Bottom 5:

5. Michelle Chase (“Survivor Gabon”): Maybe it’s just because I’m a fan of Ken Hoang, but I liked the romance she had budding with him, and she seemed to have the potential to be a great character. She did complain, but I didn’t think it was that much. Then again, I wasn’t living with her. Still, her character seems strong enough that I think she merits a (low) spot on this list.

4. Tina Scheer (“Survivor Exile Island”): Again, another one who probably deserved for being aloof, but come on, she was aloof because she was mourning her son, and she provided for the tribe. Had she been on a tribe with men (or, for that matter, not on a tribe with Cirie) I think she’d have done a whole lot better, and could have made good tv.

3. Francesca Hogi (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Pretty much the same boat as Michelle, but I’m more confident in Francesca’s ability to be a character. She seemed exciting, strong, and had it not been for a hidden immunity idol scare, probably wouldn’t have gone first.

2. Brook Geraghty (“Survivor Vanuatu”): I admit, this guy falls into a common case of being in the wrong alliance, so I don’t debate that he should have been voted out. I just debate the decision to make him first. According to the special features on the “Survivor Vanuatu” DVD, Brook was chosen, not for his strength (as the rest of the men after him were) but due to J.P.’s invaluability in fire making, and being considered a huge “Survivor” fan, so he’d be happy with whatever time he got. They were wrong. They even admitted so on the DVD. Brook was an alright guy, and was broken up about leaving so early, so yes, I think he should have stayed longer.

1. Kourtney Moon (“Survivor One World”): This is just a jerkish, unsatisfying way of leaving. One small error, like forgetting to tuck your arms, and BOOM, out of the game, when you had a shot at staying in. Poor Kourtney didn’t even get the full 3 days. She didn’t even get to finish one challenge! I just feel so sorry that she didn’t at least get the full experience that I think she deserves a second chance.

Honorable Mention: Debb Eaton (“Survivor the Australian Outback”): Sort of the opposite of Peter, I’d like to put Debb on the “top 5” list for being so abrasive, but I just can’t. Because of this, I can’t put her on the “bottom 5” list proper either, but she got some unjust treatment. Due to her being the first voted out, Debb’s personal life was heavily scrutinized, and she was found to be in a relationship with her stepson which, while technically legal, was good enough for the tabloids. For that Debb got unfairly torn apart, the worst I’ve ever seen, and I think she shouldn’t have been voted off first solely to prevent this happening.

So yeah, this was a long blog, but it was a good episode! I look forward to sharing more episodes with you, my readers!

-Matt

Title credit to Jean Storrs