Idol Speculation: “Survivor Blood vs. Water” Episode 8: Laura Mor-Ego

We open on a crane shot of a darkened Philippine Island.  All is quiet.  Not even the fauna dare stir.  Galang and Tadhana lie asleep, as snug in their shelters as it is possible to be.  An idyllic scene if ever there was one.

But what’s this?  A section of the night sky, blacker than coal, seems to rippling moving towards the campsites of our castaways!  It creeps in like the shadow that it is, enters the minds of the smartest players, and proceeds to suck out their intelligence.  Yes, the ghost of Kat Eddorson is back, here to take her revenge by making smart strategic players make incredibly stupid moves!

Seriously, though, Tina and Aras, what happened to you?  I may not have found you the most EXCITING winners ever, but you were smart people, and this season was really making me respect your gameplay!  And then you just go and screw it all up, take your positions and do everything possible to undermine them…

Let’s go back to the beginning.

So Super Vytas has a speech to give to his villainous foes (and Katie).  He thanks them, and wants them to know that he’s trustworthy.  So trustworthy.  The most trustworthy person the Gods of trustworthiness ever instilled the trustworthy virtue of trustworthiness in.  Trust him, you can rest assured that he’s trustworthy.  Seriously, though, either Vytas’ persuasive powers aren’t coming across properly on screen, or the women of Galang’s powers of perception are dead, because Vytas just seems to be trying way too hard.  It seems to be working, so I can’t fault him too much, but really, I can’t believe people are buying this.

Then again, maybe it’s not that Vytas is good, but that other people are being IDIOTS!  Tina, yes TINA, the WINNER of “Survivor The Australian Outback”, a person with arguably one of the BEST social games to ever play, makes an INCREDIBLE gaffe.  Her plan is to have Vytas draw in Aras, and have Aras draw in Gervase (and hopefully Tyson) to create a 7-person majority come merge time.  She also decides that, as she’s proven her loyalty and is less of a threat, Monica can take Gervase’s spot at number 5.  Now this is all well and good, Tina’s reasoning is sound overall, and I’d have no problem with her parsing out the pecking order, IF MONICA WASN’T STANDING THREE FEET AWAY FROM HER WHEN SHE SAID IT!  Seriously, Tina, you’re smart, and you just voted out Laura Boneham for almost the same reason!  Have you lost your mind?  Do you not remember how paranoid Monica is, how determined she is to not repeat the mistakes she made on “Survivor One World”?  Clearly, Tina has been replaced with a robot.

Sure enough, Monica hears this, and becomes properly suspicious with her alliance.

Meanwhile, we have the rare sighting of an owl in the Philippines.  We never see it on screen, but I can only assume it’s there, because clearly Laura Boneham was a latent witch who just got her acceptance letter to Hogwarts.  That’s the only reason I can figure for her saying “Ridiculous” over and over.  She must be practicing for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

After that interview segment with Laura B. which went on far too long, we finally head to Redemption Island, where we learn that this duel will be the final one before the merge.  Two people are leaving, winner goes back into the game.  As is fitting for a final challenge, it’s an endurance one, hailing originally from “Survivor Vanuatu”.  Basically, tribe members hug a tall pole with slots cut in the sides.  Last one still on the pole wins.  Simple, clean, and effective.  I love it.  I know it’s rare that I say I love a Redemption Island challenge, but I feel that final challenges are one of the few places where reusing challenge ideas is ok, and I’m a big fan of this particular challenge.  It’s dramatic, it can lend itself to good comedy (remember Yul Kwon’s “Elephants can’t run up trees” lecture during “Survivor Cook Islands”), and is satisfyingly difficult.  My one complaint is that the challenge has a fairly large gender bias, as in all the times it’s been run, the only men to ever win were “Challenge Jesus” (“Survivor Cook Islands”) and Tyson during his stint on “Survivor Tocantins”.  Admittedly, most challenges have a bias in SOME manner, but this one it’s really evident.  Gee, do you think the lightest, smallest person is going to win this challenge?

Still, we get a couple of funny/painful moments before the obvious outcome of Laura Morett winning.  Laura B. slips immediately, but some Probst encouragement gets her back on track.  Probst then reminds us of Candice’s existence by pointing out to John that Candice did this challenge on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” (never mind that she did it on “Survivor Cook Islands”.  “The fans didn’t like that season as much, so we’re going to pretend it didn’t exist!”).  Laura M.  remains steady, while Laura B. still does ok, Probst commenting that she’s “like a kid holding on to her mom.”  Wow, Probst, the metaphors have really gone downhill.  Seriously, couldn’t you have said “a sloth to a tree” or something more nature-ish at least?  For shame, your lame metaphoring.

As expected, heavy man John leaves first, while Laura B. slides a bit further down the pole.  Laura M. comments that she’s not going to lose, because her daughter needs her back in the game.  And while it is true that Laura M. has more to fight for in going back into the game (in that she would actually HAVE an ally), Laura, given that your daughter somehow managed to survive despite being in the minority (even if a decent amount of luck was a factor, says I), and you were the first person really voted out of your tribe, I gotta say, I think your daughter needs YOU a lot more than you need her. This is only the first display of egoism we’ll get from Laura M., though at least by the end of the episode, she learns her place.

And what do you know, the smallest, lightest person won the challenge!  I can’t believe the results!  Laura B. was the one of the three I wanted in the most, so I’m kind of sorry to see her go, though if I’m honest with myself, Laura M. provides the most interesting drama.  Though I do have to say, Laura B. was gypped on being made to throw away her buff first when she lasted longer than John.  Speaking of whom, I’m THRILLED he’s gone.  I do feel bad for the guy on one level, since he spent the longest time on Redemption of any of the three left, but he was just so BORING that I am quite glad he’s gone.

So Laura M. is back and tribes have merged.  The color is blue… I think.  It looks blue to me, but I’m not the best with colors, and maybe it’s just that the tv I watch on isn’t the best quality, but it looks almost purple at times.  Still, I’m calling it blue, which while a predictable choice, is one I’m happy with.  Too often, it seems like there’s trends in the color of merge buffs, and we haven’t seen a blue merge buff since “Survivor Samoa” 4 years ago, so it’s a nice change of pace.  What’s NOT nice, however, is that there’s 11 people at the merge.  I gave my thoughts on this in more detail during “Survivor Philippines”, but I don’t like merges of more than 10.  It just feels like too many people for real maneuvering to take place, and 11 is just the worst of the lot, as the number feels really odd.  Still, I have to give credit that at least they’re differentiating it from OTHER Redemption Island seasons, where the merge was always at 12.

Now we have our merge tribe, with the typical merge banter and the typical merge picnic.  Never thought I’d say this, but thank God for Hayden Moss!  He makes it so that the clichéd, overdone part of the merge ends in record time, as he comments on being unsure of how strategy will change, what with Laura back in the game.  This naturally means that we’ve got a scene of Ciera and her mother coming together.  Now, I’m still not a fan of Laura, particularly after this episode, but man am I getting in the Ciera camp after this episode!  She makes the scene not only tolerable, but almost enjoyable, as she smartly brings her mother into the alliance with herself, Hayden, Caleb, Tyson, and Gervase against Aras.  Even though it was Tyson’s idea to go for Aras first, bonus points for making that a selling point, Ciera.  Laura seems the type to hold a grudge, and so any plan to vote out Aras is going to be good in her books.  Further, it increases Ciera’s options, by keeping her safe in the short run, having a safety ally in the long run, and ensures that Ciera most likely isn’t bottom of the pecking order of the alliance.  For all that I don’t like her politics, she’s hiding them quite well, and her newly open strategic side I’m liking.

One small criticism I do have, though, is that Ciera and Laura don’t even seem to consider the possibility of joining the couples alliance.  It’s true, only 3 couples survived to the merge intact, but that makes a total of 6 out of 11, a clear majority.  You also have to imagine that people would be suspicious of couples, looking to get them out first, and so it’s smarter for everyone to stick together in that scenario.  Yes, keeping with the old Tadhana alliance may get you somewhat far, but when that alliance has to eat each other, guess who the first targets are going to be?

Speaking of the couples alliance, we see that Kat ALSO drained the brains of Aras and Vytas, as the pair (strangely allied) gloat about how they’re running things, and how if people were smart, they’d be gunning for them.  I guess this KIND OF makes sense when you consider how good a job Gervase has been doing in convincing Aras that he’s on his side (though given how much time Gervase has spent with Tyson, you’d think Aras would have caught on), but even so, it’s incredibly stupid to get cocky and assume you’ve got the game in the bag.  Good God, Aras, what happened to you?  Hell, Vytas even goes so far as to call the game “Survivor Aras vs. Vytas”.  All those who still believe there’s even a chance that Aras isn’t leaving this episode, exit this blog immediately.

Tyson, ever paranoid, is taking no chances, however, as he pulls Monica into the alliance in a late-night conversation.  I admit this is a smart move, covering all your bases, having a safety ally in case everything goes wrong, and choosing Monica as the odd one out of Tina and Aras’ alliance, but he sullies the moment by commenting on Monica in a way that seems to me both mean-spirited and unfunny.  To be fair, however, Monica is just about as paranoid as he says.

Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk about Monica a bit.  She’s upped her game from “Survivor One World”, I freely admit that, and I’m pleased she’s trying to correct her mistakes.  I think such people make for the best returnees.  However, Monica may be going a bit too far in that direction.  It seems like every episode, Monica is second-guessing something, or flipping the vote on a word.  Now, every time she’s been right to, but that makes her something of a volatile alliance member, and I think in the long run this will damage her chances.

One insurance policy isn’t enough however, as Tyson decides to go idol hunting, remembering Caleb’s comment about a “serpent tree”.  Gee, I wonder is Tyson will find the idol?  It’s not like the “Previously On…” segment made a mention of the idol, thus hinting to us that it would be found!  In all fairness, though, I can’t give Tyson too much credit for finding it, the tree was FREAKING OBVIOUS!  I attributed people not finding the idol to the clues being too generic and cryptic before they got burned, but now I’m thinking it’s just laziness.  Really, I know that the trees look different at the various campsites (speaking of which, I don’t think they specified which camp the merge happened at.  Wonder why.), but you’d think something like THAT TREE would stand out a bit.

So Tyson finds his really bland idol that just looks dumb to me, and wisely decides not to share that information with anyone else at this time.  Good decision, I think, particularly given how paranoid the idol has made people this season.  Also, I think this marks the latest first getting of the idol since it was available pre-merge, beating out Yau-Man’s late time in “Survivor Fiji”.

Evidently, the immunity challenge and Redemption Island challenge were switched, because while I could get behind the Redemption Island challenge, I REALLY don’t like the immunity challenge.  It’s your basic memory game from way back early in “Survivor” history (though this bears the most resemblance to the version from “Survivor Nicaragua”), and while I do admire the challenge team for going a different direction from the usual physical challenge, and I understand that deprivation of food and water does make these things harder, as someone for whom rote memorization is a breeze, I just don’t consider this challenge difficult enough.  Some big visual might help, like maybe instead of a “you miss a symbol” you’re out sort of thing, it’s “whoever gets it right gets to chop another person’s totem” or something, but as is, it’s just not enough for me.  Though we do get a funny moment when Monica can’t even remember TWO SYMBOLS correctly.

Super Vytas and Aras-Man engage in an epic memory contest for superiority (really, are these two aligned, or competing against each other, pick a side!), but as you’d expect, good wins the day!  Super Vytas uses his super intellect to win what’s actually a really cool looking immunity idol.  If nothing else, it’s distinctive.  Must have stolen all the interesting aspects from the hidden immunity idol.

My hopes for a name I can either love or hate are dashed once again, as we head back to camp and find that the tribe is named Kasama.  Things are made even less interesting when Super Vytas gloats about how he technically didn’t NEED immunity, thus ensuring that any dramatic tension for the boot this episode is good and dead.  Still, we need SOME misdirection, and we haven’t heard from Laura in a good long while.  What say she egotistically gets paranoid about Aras having the idol, and tries to split the vote for no reason other than to make herself feel powerful (and because of paranoia caused by being on a season with Russell Hantz).  See why I like Ciera better.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have one of the rarest “Survivor” sights availiable to us right now: GERVASE IS DOING MANUAL LABOR!  Look quickly before Tyson takes it away!  Yeah, Gervase’s interview about the vote was so generic that I really just found the notion that he actually did manual labor much more interesting.

We head off to Tribal, where interesting things may have happened, but I’m too busy focusing on Laura rightly admitting her inferiority to her daughter.  Oh, Happy Day!  Oh, and Aras goes home, what a surprise.

I have to say, this episode felt like a step down for this season in a lot of ways.  The misdirection was really off, and a lot of stupid moves were made.  And yet, I find myself not hating the episode overall.  Maybe it’s because, despite the outcome being obvious, the process by which it came out was intriguing.  Not the best episode of the season, but I give it a pass.

Then again, perhaps it was just overshadowed by the commercials.  I’m normally not a fan of them, but OH MY GOD, THEY’RE FINALLY PUTTING “SURIVIVOR MICRONESIA” OUT ON DVD!  MY FAVORITE SEASON OF ALL IS FINALLY GOING TO BE REWATCHABLE ON SOMETHING BIGGER THAN MY IPOD!  OH HAPPY, HAPPY DAY!

And yes, there is not “Top 5 and Bottom 5” this week.  I considered doing it for hidden immunity idols, and I probably still will this season, as this hidden immunity idol is one of the worst, but I did a list last week, and I suspect the idol will come into play enough for me to talk about it somewhat.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Blood vs. Water” Episode 4: Man of the Hut

I’ve talked a lot about dashed expectations in the past, particularly with incredibly bad seasons like “Survivor One World”. This is because, in an attempt to retain viewers, the “Next Time On…” segment at the end of each episode is often a bit grandiose.  I can understand this, but as someone who will come back regardless, it really feels disappointing to be let down so badly.  Not to say that the last “Next Time On…” segment was misleading or grandiose.  We were promised Brad Culpepper getting yelled at, and I’d say we certainly got that.  No, my point here is that the TELEVISION ADVERTISEMENTS can suffer from the same problem.  Had I just watched the “Next Time On…” segment, I would have been content with the episode, the extra maneuvering beyond yelling at Brad Culpepper being icing on the cake.  However, the advertisements blatantly said that there would be not one, but TWO “Survivor” firsts this episode.  Now, I was skeptical about this statement from the beginning, not because nothing new can happen in the game, but just that SO MUCH has happened over the years that it’s pretty hard to find something that hasn’t at least been tried before.  Still, they built it up so much, and there’re some great players on Galang, I was willing to buy into it, and once again I was disappointed.  Still a good episode, but I confess myself disappointed.

We open on Piss-Ass Island… I mean REDEMPTION Island, as John and Candice lovingly reunite.  Say what you will about the pair, I give them credit for being competitive, and yet still managing to love and be happy for each other.  I don’t mind the loved ones twist being played for emotions, as long as it’s not being used to destroy relationships.  Marissa, meanwhile, laments in the background about how awkward this situation is going to be.  Don’t worry, Marissa, you won’t have to put up with it for long.

Tadhana also gets a brief bit of screen time, which serves no purpose but to set up the fact that Brad Culpepper is now untrustworthy.  More on that later.

Of course, John and Candice now being together on Redemption Island does raise a lot of good questions: Can the work together?  How so?  Will one maybe try to throw a challenge for the other, if neither of them finish first?  And who’s left that they can work with?  All these are interesting questions, none of which will be explored in favor of the promised yelling at Brad Culpepper.

In fairness, I’m all for yelling at Brad Culpepper, but even I’m a bit surprised at how harsh it was, particularly from Candice.  JOHN, of all people, the one most PERSONALLY betrayed by Brad, seemed the calmest of the three, while CANDICE, the only person on Redemption Island whom Brad DIDN’T target, seems the most ticked-off at Brad.  I don’t know where this rage comes from, save anger at her husband being voted off, and this being a side of Candice that we’ve never seen before.

For once, it looks like I may be in a position to compliment Brad, as he keeps his cool at first and doesn’t respond to Candice anger, making her insult of “childish” to Brad seem very hypocritical.  When Probst asks the obvious question of WHY Candice is so mad at Brad, however, Candice’s answer of a certain sexism on Brad’s part pushes Brad over the edge.  The ever articulate Brad simply yells out that he was never that way, and demands that John set people straight, which doesn’t go over very well since, last I checked, John was a guy.

Double your pleasure, double your fun, Probst must then talk to the OTHER Culpepper I can’t stand, though admittedly for very different reasons.  Monica, stupidly in the current climate, defends her husband, pointing out that he’s just one vote out of the entire tribe that sent the person packing, and thereby showing her naiveté in the game.  Look, Monica it’s true that, barring an idol play, one vote can’t get someone out of the game, but someone’s still calling the shots about who goes, and unless that person is particularly adept at blame shifting, for the most part, you’re blaming the underlying cause pretty accurately.  Your best bet at this point, given that he’s apparently hated by EVERYONE in the game (truly, a feat matched only by the likes of Jonny Fairplay of “Survivor Pearl Islands”, and Russell Hantz of “Survivor Samoa”), is to distance yourself from him.  I know it’s hard, especially if you love him so much, but dear, you really have to think harder about this.

Well, with that annoyance out of the way, today’s rehash challenge is the ever annoying “Rope Obstacle Course”.  I used to really love this challenge, but it’s become so overdone, without any variety to speak of recently.  This one does at least have an intriguing, difficult puzzle at the end, but Probst even manages to ruin that by telling them that the puzzle is square, and pointing out the design that should go on top.  I know you probably want to get back to your hotel room, Probst, but it’s called “Survivor”!  I think you can let them work for it a bit.

Going into the challenge, I’m not sure who’ll lose.  With Redemption Island, I’d normally say the most recent victim is most likely to leave, as previous Redemption victories tend to build on one another (unless you’re up against Ozzy, aka Challenge Jesus on “Survivor South Pacific”), but for all his faults, John is pretty damn good at challenges, and with a challenge like this, that requires concentration, panicky Marissa might have trouble.

Sure enough, John dominates, and there’s a somewhat tense race between Marissa and Candice for second.  However, despite Gervase’s best efforts at advice, Candice is just too good at puzzles, and Marissa is sent packing.  I’m sort of of two minds about this: I liked Marissa a lot going in, and on a personal level, I’m just sorry she’s gone.  On the other hand, based on what she actually contributed to the game, I can’t really say she’ll be missed.  Plus, this way John and Candice have more time to discuss the issues I talked about earlier.  It seems to make her feel better that Gervase sends her off proudly, though really Gerv, couldn’t you have come down and given her a hug?  Just a little?

So, with no John to give it too, who will John pass on the clue to?  It’s a question that’s plagued the fan community since John’s ouster, and I’ve got to admit that I was psyched along with everybody.  Sure, we didn’t know John would have it, but now neither he nor Candice has anyone to give it to, so at a 2/3 chance, it’s pretty certain the dilemma would have come up.  My personal guess was that, with no better option, they’d give it to Laura Boneham, on the grounds that she’s the only person who never voted for anyone on Redemption Island, and is, for all they know, the odd person out on Galang, and thus keeping her in might make Galang crumble.  What ACTUALLY happens, however, surpasses my expectations, both strategy-wise and entertainment-wise.

John, wishy-washy as ever, doesn’t know who to give the clue to (well, that’s what you get for aligning with Brad), so Candice, deciding that SOMEONE in this marriage needs to be the man of the hut, tells John to give the clue to Monica, partly in the hope that it’ll create chaos at Galang, and partly in the hope that it’ll get Monica voted off, since Brad could potentially switch with her.  As revenge plots go, plus attempting to eliminate the man running the show on one tribe, it’s a pretty good one.  John, like any smart married man, says “Yes, Dear.”, and gives it to Monica.  Brad, however, is not to be outmanned by Candice, and so starts bossing Monica around, advising her to throw it in the fire (she complies), which makes sense.  From what we’ve seen, Monica’s in the majority, there’s no reason to arouse paranoia and upset everything.  That being said, it might have been smart, in Monica’s case, to take the clue, SHARE it with her alliance, and have them all get the idol as an insurance policy.  Still, as moves go this was pretty unexpected, and isn’t going to hurt Monica’s position, by any stretch.

However, I must take umbrage with one thing: this was one of the “Survivor” Firsts that was teased up in the advertising, and I suppose it does technically qualify, but only on the technicality that the giving away of clues to the idol is a new twist for “Survivor”.  Monica is NOT the first person to voluntarily give up a clue, and not even the first person to throw a clue in the fire.  That honor, such as it is, goes to “Boston Rob” Mariano (“Survivor Marquesas”).  In one of the few good moments of “Survivor Redemption Island”, Boston Rob found a clue on a reward, but in order to keep anyone else on his tribe from finding it and getting paranoid, threw it into a dormant volcano, and act which, I must say, is infinitely more epic than Monica’s idol clue throw.

It seems that even THIS is not enough Redemption Island for the producers, however, as we see that Candice and John are acting all lovey-dovey on Redemption Island.  Is this bad?  No.  Is this interesting?  No.  Would I rather see the ethical dilemmas of playing against a loved one so directly?  Absolutely.  Moving on.

As if her performance at Redemption Island wasn’t bad enough, Monica now makes things worse by complaining about how her husband is being unfairly maligned.  Monica, let me make this perfectly clear: You don’t know what’s going on at camp.  We, the viewers, do.  It’s perfectly fair what’s happening to him.  Still, she can’t help but ask if there will ever be a Redemption Island duel that isn’t a Brad Culpepper slamfest.  The answer is no.  Galang, fortunately for Monica, cuts her some slack, but you can tell they’re having none of it.  Gervase tries to calm Monica down by saying exactly what I’m saying, and Monica does seem to finally clam up about it, at least for this episode.  The only other bit of info gotten is that Gervase is suspicious of Aras, as he’s the only guy on Galang with a loved one left, and he thinks Aras and Super Vytas may team up come the merge.  Gervase, were you WATCHING the last immunity challenge?  It think it’s safe to say that these two aren’t going to team up!

Things aren’t all that peaceful at Tadhana either, as Brad Culpepper is once again causing a stir, also complaining about his treatment at Redemption Island.  Like on Galang, the others try to calm him down, but this time with a bit of insincere motives.  Brad reveals off camera that now he wants Caleb gone, as he’d like to keep ties with the other tribe, and Caleb has no loved one to connect with.  Ok, Brad, before you got rid of John BECAUSE he still had ties in this game, and now you want to get rid of Caleb because he doesn’t?  Make up your mind, man!  A consistent strategy is all that I ask!  I admit that I defended Brad’s move last episode more than others seem to, mostly because I think at this point, there’s nothing Tadhana can do to improve their challenge chances, so John’s loss is not hurting them much, but now Brad’s just getting rid of too many allies too early, betraying left and right for what feels like arbitrary reasons.  Brad’s an odd mix of really poor strategy, and halfway decent strategy, and it’s just frustrating.

Fortunately, I’m not the only with frustration at Brad.  After several episodes of snarking at Brad behind his back, the guys decide to band together to do something about him.  Sadly, their strategy seems to be “wait and see” at this point, though for the logical reasons that Brad is strong, and should they all make the merge, Brad does a good job at being a shield.  Oh well, at least the seeds are sewn.

REPORTER: Hold on a sec, folks, it seems there’s a crime report coming in from Galang camp.  A mysterious phenomenon has been reported connected to the camp’s coconut supply!  Strange cuts are found in the harvest, and all the milk has turned sour as a result.  Chief Commissioner Boneham suspects foul play, but Crab-Expert Culpepper believes that the cause is crabs.  Chief Commissioner Boneham is currently deferring on this issue, but this has not stopped the rumor that local Bad Boys Gervase and Tyson have formed a small gang going around and drinking coconuts.  This as yet unconfirmed group is being dubbed the “Coconut Bandits”.  To tell us about the implications of such an alliance is our chief strategy expert, Matt, author of the not-famous blog “Idol Speculation”.

MATT: Well, it’s really no surprise when you think about it.  Gervase’s strategy on “Survivor Borneo” was to be friendly with everybody, but ally with a strong, dumb guy whom he could ride with to the end.  There are no dumb guys on this season, so Tyson, not being the overall smartest, is his next best bet.  Further, this just seems like the type of thing Gervase would do, and has the added benefit of strengthening his bond with Tyson.  There’s an element of mutually assured destruction to it: if one betrays the other, that other can just blab about the coconuts, and the first one is dead anyway.  Not sure Tyson sees it that way, but if they’re doing it, it’s a good move.

REPORTER: In other news, our top medical experts tell us that Tyson’s arm, while slowly feeling better, is still not up to snuff.  There are unconfirmed reports that Tyson may be playing up the injury to get out of camp chores, and while it is having that effect, if it’s true, Tyson had best beware that no one vote him off for being unable to contribute.  Still, he seems to be holding his own in challenges of late anyway, Galang can’t afford to lose strength, and he’s in the majority alliance, so he’s probably good for a while at least.  This is WINN, your Island News Network, reporting.

Challenge Time… Yeah, it’s another rehash, and one that I have a particular hatred for.  Tribes paddle out into the ocean to retrieve five crates, which they then assemble into a puzzle staircase, only to then solve another puzzle to decipher a combination lock to get a key to open the lock raise the flag which drops the knife to kill the cat that swallowed the rat that lived in the house that Jack built.  Yes, not only is it a rehash of challenges, it a CONVOLUTED rehash of challenge with about 5 or 6 extraneous steps involved.  I have particular disdain for the crate stacking portion of this challenge.  Look, it was fun in “Survivor Tocantins”, but that’s because it was epic and we hadn’t seen it before.  Now you’ve scaled it down, and we’ve just seen it so many times with no variation that I just want to punch John Kirhoffer for ever inventing it (not really).  It there’s one good thing to be said for this challenge, it’s that there’s at least the added difficulty of balancing the crates on your boat, but overall, that counts for very little.

Well gee, I wonder who’s going to win: the people doing the hardcore strategizing, or the people just out there having a grand old time?

So we head over to Tadhana, where in a rare case of “Survivor” lampshading, Ciera points out that they guys going to the water hole is code for “Which Girl are We Going to Vote Off?”, and we expect the same scene we’ve gotten in the past 3 episodes.  This time there’s a twist, however: Brad Culpepper stays behind and tells the girls he wants to get rid of Caleb, since he has no loved one left.  Privately, Brad admits that he might actually go with this plan, but he’s really disappointed in Ciera’s performance at the challenge.  I should also say here that Katie deserves some props for managing to avoid becoming a target.  She was one the first day, after her challenge performance, but has somehow faded into the background.  Good for her.  I would give Brad props too, this is a good bit of misdirection for the girls, as well as exploring all options IF HE WAS SUBTLE ABOUT IT!  The guy notice that Brad didn’t go meet with them as fast as he usually does, and coupled with their paranoia about Brad, this seems like a very bad combination.  Couldn’t he have talked with the girls AFTER talking with the guys?  I don’t think the girls are in a position to complain, and it would arouse much less suspicion.

Brad seems to be ok, however, as the guys never mention betraying Brad, and we head off to Tribal with a probable Ciera exit.  Things start off typically enough, with the bashing of Ciera’s challenge performance.  However Probst, in a brilliant move, changes the whole course of the discussion by asking if keeping the other tribe happy by whom you vote out is a concern.  Brad, after several seconds of silence, makes one of his dumber moves (he’s had a lot, I hesitate to call it the dumbest) by agreeing with Probst.  Caleb, who possesses twice the normal brain to make up for Colton’s lack of one (sorry, Colton, my sympathy for you was good for only one blog), notices INSTANTLY that this puts a target on his back.  Rightfully paranoid (sure, Brad wasn’t going to do it tonight, it turns out, but he was obviously going to do it sooner rather than later), Caleb attempts to save himself by publicly declaring his intention to vote off Brad, an idea that makes the girls giggle with glee, along with the audience.  Brad, not being so stupid as to not see the quicksand rising around him, tries to do damage control, even declaring his intention to vote for Ciera, but, to paraphrase the great Malcolm Freeberg of “Survivor Philippines” “Brad has all the subtlety of a Mack Truck.”  The girls, in a wise move (they would have been gone otherwise) vote with Caleb, forcing a tie between Brad and Ciera.  At the revote we are treated to indecision on Hayden’s part, with such hilariously cheesy expressions you’d swear they were scripted, Super Vytas flips and Brad is sent packing, to my delight.  In the long run it might screw the guys, but they seem to be a loyal, united front, and it’ll win them more good will from Galang (save Monica) than voting off Caleb would have.

Best episode of the season so far, but I’m really writing off Tadhana at this point.  Whatever pretense Galang puts up, there’s some serious alliance building going on there, and I doubt they’ll spare even their family members.  I hate to say that a tribe has no chance, or call a tribe pathetic in the middle of a season, but at this point, Tadhana has no chance.  Odds are that there’ll be at least one double tribal council before the merge, meaning that at least one more loved one will go, almost guaranteeing Tadhana to be down in numbers at the merge, where they can be easily picked off.  Curtains for them, but the season as a whole just gets better and better!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Blood vs. Water” Episode 3: Super Vytas… A VILLAIN?!

In this exiting issue of “Idol Speculation”: Can good heroes go bad?  Why is Super Vytas attacking his arch-nemesis, Aras–Man, in such a dastardly way?  Will the spell the end for our intrepid hero’s chances?  Read on, citizen, and find out!

Also, Colton quits, but I don’t feel as good about it as I thought I would.  We’ll get to that.

We start off at Galang, where Tyson makes a joke to Aras about him wearing a cupcake belt such that the cupcake is over the crotch area.  As if I weren’t confused about Tyson’s sexuality already.  But of course, such frivolity is of course ruined by Colton’s very presence, as we see that nothing has changed from last episode, and he’s still sulking.  Aras, ever the unifier, comes over and tries to talk Colton out of his funk, pointing out that if Colton just sticks around long enough, someone may make a stupid move, thus saving Colton’s butt.  In a rare show of duplicity, though, Aras admits that Colton really has no chance in hell of coming back from the brink, and once again refers to him as a bully.  I am impressed, even if it does so go against Aras’ character.  In fact, such a dastardly deed so goes against Aras’ very core that what little evil is inside of him grows, transforming him into the evil ARAS-MAN, YOGI OF DISASTER!  The black arts now open to him, Aras-Man heads off to find the fabled book of Dark Yoga Poses, to increase his arsenal of destruction!

Tracking the book to Redemption Island, we get Tyson’s reaction to Rachel’s eviction, and give the guy credit for figuring out immediately what’s going on.  He also points out the stupidity of the plan by actually NOT giving up his chance in the game for his girlfriend, and then pointing out the logical conclusion that were he to ACTUALLY go to Redemption Island, he’d more than likely kick a lot of ass.  Also, if you needed further evidence that Rachel was a big casting mistake, look no further than her flat out ADMITTING that she had no chance in the game, especially compared to Tyson.  Yes, CBS, cast people with no drive whatsoever, that’ll make for compelling television!

Still, this trash-talk from Tyson does not go unnoticed by Brad Culpepper, who’s had abouts all he can stand from Gervase.  Evidently Tyson is just too much to handle, and so he retorts by suggesting Galang check out Tribal Council a few times and see how it is.  Marissa, for her part, is not about to let this argument that doesn’t involve her continue, and so pointlessly interjects herself into the discussion, arguing with Brad’s voting strategy, which ultimately just devolves into her swearing at Brad, and giving him the finger.  Something tells me that we’ll be seeing that pattern a lot throughout the season.

Also of note here is a good moment by Gervase, when he calms down Marissa, and encourages her/gives her advice throughout the challenge.  For all that we had callous, emotionally grating Gervase in the first few episodes of the season, this was really level-headed, and shows that Gervase was thinking the whole time.  If Marissa can get back in the game, he’s got a solid ally in case things go wrong (no chance she’ll go back to Tadhana after her blindside, and while she might be mad at Gervase for her eviction, he’s her best bet over the others, whom she doesn’t know at all), and it just comes off as him being nice to his niece.  Good show, Gervase.

Oh, now look what you’ve done!  All your arguing has woken the Colton up and made him start crying for no discernable reason!  Yeah, I really have no idea what set Colton off this time, but the point is he tells Probst that he wants to quit, which Probst is not happy with at all.  I mean, I know Probst hates quitters, and I’m not a big fan of them either (nor am I a big fan of Colton), and we’ve seen Probst get uncharacteristically mad at them before with Osten Taylor on “Survivor Pearl Islands”, and Na’Onka Mixon and Purple Kelly on “Survivor Nicaragua”.  Still, even as someone who dislikes Colton, and loves to watch him suffer, I thought Probst was a bit harsh on him.  He tells Colton specifically that he’s someone who should have stayed on the couch (an odd parallel to the story of Cirie from “Survivor Exile Island”), and then insinuates that Colton faked his injury on “Survivor One World”, just because he was tired of the game.  Now, I don’t buy that you’d fake an injury to get out of the game.  I buy that you’d EXAGGERATE an injury to get out of the game, but I don’t think you’d fake one entirely.  So yeah, Probst repeatedly putting Colton down, particularly in so harsh a manner, I felt was a bit extreme.  Can’t say I’m too sympathetic towards Colton, but given how emotional he was, I’d say Probst was way out of line.

Galang, however, can’t let the Colton-bashing continue without them.  Tyson is somewhat civil, making the logical point that Colton started behaving this way well BEFORE his back was against the wall, but then TINA the woman without a mean bone in her body, starts just trashing Colton, blatantly describing just how awful his strategy, attitude, and personality all are.  Bear in mind that this was the woman who played two seasons with Jerri Manthey (“Survivor The Australian Outback”), and never once said a mean word to her face.  Tells you just how bad Colton is.

After a long, painful, drawn out process, Colton finally leaves.  Now, I’m ecstatic he’s gone, but Probst’s attitude still rubs me the wrong way, and I’m still annoyed that we don’t get to see Colton have a proper vote-off.  It seems we will be denied that right forever now.

With the high point of the episode out of the way, we still have an underwhelming Redemption Island Duel to get to!  Today’s rehash challenge that you wish was a full-scale, original reward challenge comes to us via the underrated “Survivor Gabon”, and I gotta admit, it’s a good choice.  Our duelists stack wooden dominoes along a long, sloping board, the goal being to make a chain to the end to knock down a ball to shatter a plate.  First two to break their plate stay alive, first to finish gets a clue to give away.  The hiccup is that there are trip bars at the base of the board, meaning you could knock over your stack easily.  I’ll admit, I liked this challenge better when the trip wires were a big cage so you had to maneuver your entire body through it, not just your legs, but it’s still a good challenge, and it hasn’t been done too often, so I’ll let it slide.

Going in, I think Rachel’s most likely to go, and for once, I’m not disappointed.  Gee, I’m SO glad she had no impact on this game whatsoever!

Tyson, once back at camp, is a little upset about the loss of Rachel, but seems to get over it ok, no thanks to the rest of Galang, who all question why Colton left, and come to the obvious correct conclusion that Colton was just mad that no one was blatantly strategizing with him.  To be fair, Monica is also upset that her husband was badly dissed, but no one really seems to care.

Brad cares, however, as he attempts to do damage control back at Tadhana.  You see, the Redemption Island Duel kind of called out the fact that he’s the leader of the Guys alliance at this point, and he doesn’t want his tribe to see him that way, even though he admits that he is pulling the strings.  Look, Brad, I appreciate the effort, but EVEYONE knows that you think you’re in charge.

Everyone except John, apparently!  Ever the brain trust, John still can’t quite figure out the clues to the hidden immunity idol, and so to build trust with Brad, shares the clue with him, though he insists on finding the thing himself, as going as a pair would look too suspicious.  This is fairly sound reasoning, though John’s thinking that Brad’s really the one pulling the strings does not bode well for him.  Brad, for his part, calls this a “litmus test” for John and himself, and I can’t wait to come back later and see how much bullshit that is!

You remember Brad’s boast that he’d like a wrestling challenge just to kick Gervase’s ass?  Of course you do, we have to be reminded of it every five seconds!  Point is, he gets his chance, as tree-mail indicates this is going to be a “Sumo at Sea” challenge, of the type first seen in “Survivor Palau”.  Essentially, one person from each tribe will square off on a platform, attempting to knock the other one into the water (or mud, in some cases).  First tribe to a certain number (5) wins immunity, and on this season, reward (comfort in the form of pillows, blankets, a tarp, and a mosquito net, or fishing gear, if they so choose).  I’ll admit this is an exciting challenge, and overall I guess it’s not TOO overused, but they just never change it up anymore!  Come on guys, I like the challenge ok, but DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!  Here’s an idea: put two people from each side on the platform, see how it changes things!

Well, before we can get to the reused challenge, we have a compelling story to get to.  It seems that the motive of Aras-Man is to get revenge on Super Vytas for the past times when he was a weakling, unaccustomed to the Dark Yogic Arts, and Super Vytas would beat on him in a drug-induced rage.  Super Vytas, meanwhile, looks to take down his arch-nemesis golden boy Aras-Man, and restore balance to the world.

Before we can get to that story, though, we have to get through the comic-relief matches first.  And to be fair, for all that I bashed this challenge as getting old, we did get some funny and dramatic moments from it early on.  The promised Brad/Gervase match happens, though with less fireworks than I expected, given Brad’s ultimate win.  There’s also the drama of Tyson not only losing his match, but dislocating his shoulder in the process.  He’s ok, ultimately, but has to sit out the rest of the challenge.  Bummer for him.  But the HIGHLIGHT of the preliminary matches has to go to the Ciera/Kat match.  I should mention that Galang had to sit out a woman, and for some crazy reason chose Monica to sit out.  Come on guys, Monica’s ONE defining feature on “Survivor One World” was that she was above average in challenges, and now you sit her out over Tina AND Kat?  Something’s wrong with you.  On the other hand, we then wouldn’t have gotten the HILARITY that is Kat simply running up and pushing Ciera into the drink.  Ok, Kat’s not the WORST in challenge, but she’s up there for the gold standard of “Challenge Suckage”.  And Ciera didn’t even resist her.  Hang your head in shame, Ciera.

After being treated to Laura Boneham kicking ass, however, it’s time.

Our hero and villain meet on the field of battle, and it’s truly the epic clash of titans we would expect.  But of course, our villain, Aras-Man, uses a dastardly Dark Yogic Art to turn the tides: the move DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD!  This is a move in which the villain shows pity, such as letting a weakened hero get to their feet, in an attempt to make the hero give into their dark side, lose their essential heroicness, and unfairly attack the villain.  Super Vytas attempts to resist, but just cannot quell the darkness inside him!  He caves and attacks Aras-Man, instantly turning him evil (not that you’d know it, since unlike most heroes-turned villains, he doesn’t insist on suddenly wearing twice as much clothing)!  However, the move doesn’t work for long, as Super-Vytas comes to his senses.  But he knows, now, that the darkness is inside him, and there’s only one way to eradicate it: he sacrifices himself to Aras-Man, and Galang gets another point.

So, somewhat surprisingly given that this was a strength competition, Galang wins, and Tadhana must once again decide who to vote out.  Oh, and if you needed a reason to like John, he’s quite sexist towards the “grandmas” on Galang.  I can’t wait to see him go.

It seems I may get my chance sooner rather than later, though, as after the guys all agree to vote out Ciera, John leaves, only for Brad to turn around and say that John must go.  While I’m no big fan of Brad, I can’t deny that his strategizing makes sense.  Brad’s point is that only one person makes it off of Redemption Island, but it’s looking like that one person may be Candice (given the way Redemption Island has worked in the past seasons, this is not an unreasonable assumption).  John’s made it no secret that he wants Candice back in the game, and if she does come back, John may not be so loyal anymore.  Better to get rid of him while it’s easy, and prevent ANY chance of betrayal later on.  You could argue that it’s a bad move as it weakens the tribe in terms of physical strength, but I’d say that strength really isn’t the problem with Tadhana, so it’s not really much different.  And yeah, it’s acting on assumptions about the game, which I hate, but to be fair, they’re saner this time, and I can see Brad’s point.

Still, talk of betrayal leads to more talk of betrayal, and Hayden, ever the fan of the “Bro-Alliance”, doesn’t like the fact that Brad so easily turned on the alliance, and intends to fracture the tribe.  Super Vytas’ powers are returning, and his sense of impending danger is also telling him that this is a bad idea.  Yes, the Culpeppernator (Super Vytas’ other arch nemesis) may have just sealed his own fate by turning his alliance against himself by accident.  Don’t think it’ll happen quite yet, though.  There’s some token talk about how much people want Brad out, particularly from the ladies, but as we don’t see anything from it, I still say John’s going, and I won’t be sorry.

Time to head off to Tribal, and yes, it seems that even the dignity of Tribal Council can be spoiled by those stupid hashtags.  And no, I’m not letting the hashtag thing go.  I don’t CARE if every show in the universe is doing it, it looks stupid and takes me out of the show itself.

Tribal is once again a standard affair, with no real interviews of note.  John leaves, I’m not sorry, and even though this was a pretty good episode, with the right people leaving and some good strategy, I’m ready to move on to the next episode!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Dr. Suess’ “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Episode 2

Everyone on Galang tribe liked massages a lot,

But the COLTON who looked down on such things did not!

Colton HATED massages, the laughs and the feels

So he sat and he scowled like he ate lemon peels.

 

With his Monica pet, and a glare for his gaze,

He said “This was good for about 3 days

But now it’s just old.  Are we playing a game?

Time to be nasty Colton, screw clearing my name!”

 

And his Monica nodded, not a thought in her head

Assuring at this point that her chances are dead.

Thought Morett’s untrustworthy, and Kat a moron,

Those who rock the boat are the first to be gone.

 

Meanwhile at Tadhana, there’s fish in the net

As Brad says a saying he just can’t quite get

And John sit around worrying about his blonde beau

Whom, he has the suspicion, may be first to go.

 

“And does she still love me?” he ponders alone.

“This can’t be brushed over with a lame ice-cream cone.”

While John pointlessly worries, the women are scared

Since at the last council, the allies were bared

 

And they weren’t included, so now they’re all up

For elimination, no chance at the cup.

Rachel tries to get by by just being quiet

While Ciera’s paranoia makes her cause a riot.

 

So we head to Redemption, where people sit pissed,

Much like the audience, who are sick of this twist.

We bring in the tribes, and Galang’s much relieved

That their loved ones are safe, only Gervase must grieve.

 

We bring in the duelists, and it’s easy to see

That Marissa’s not happy with Brad, John, and V.

Not that her uncle fares much better, though:

“It’s YOUR fault I’m here, so it’s YOU who should go!”

 

But Gervase denies her, says “You’re on your own.”

So she, Rupert, and Candace must go it alone.

“Hold On!” cries out Probst, “Before I explain stuff

There’s yet ONE MORE TWIST, ‘cause we don’t have enough!

 

While the last one out leaves, for the winner, a prize:

A clue to the idol, for the one you despise

Or love, I don’t care, you just give it away

And I head back to base, to collect my payday.”

 

So the challenge is on, a rehash from “One World”

And we’re all quite surprised to see how it unfurled.

Rupert goes home!  And the reason, I’d venture

Is his attitude of “My Island, My Adventure!”

 

He just had no reason, no desire, no drive.

He lacked utter panic to keep him alive.

Still, he leaves which much class, but I fear I must nag

That the moment is ruined by that dumbass hashtag!

 

So we head back to camp; Laura’s doing alright

Which angers the Colton, so he stars a fight.

“There’s no strategizing, no writing of names!

And I’ll force us to Tribal again!” he proclaims.

 

Since the others are smart, they know what to do,

While the audience just stares at Gervase’s tattoo.

Strategizing comes later, on to Tadhana

Where Rachel seems a target, but Johnny don’t wanna.

 

The others believe that Tyson will fall

On his sword for Rachel, which I don’t buy at all,

But John is afraid that his wife may be lost.

If Tyson is dueling, her life it may cost

 

But Vytas rebukes him, so John goes instead

To hunt for the idol but using his head

Does not seem effective, and he comes back empty.

Will this make everyone paranoid?  PLENTY!

 

So we head back to Galang, wait, do we have to?

Colton’s lack of intelligence is just enough to

Make me consider giving up the show.

Producers have spoken, time for this fan to go.

 

But no, I keep watching, sadist that I am

When Kat actually comes up with a sensible plan.

She tries to calm Colton, but to no avail.

A sensible suggestion, but it’s beyond the pale

 

For Colton, who just can’t stand reason.

“I reign in chaos!” he says, so this season

Will go just like “One World”.  God, aren’t you ecstatic?

One of the worst seasons, and the “Survivor” Fanatic

 

Together again.  Let the insults commence!

I wouldn’t buy Colton’s strategy for two pence.

What I will buy, however, is Monica’s move.

It seems that last outburst just cannot be soothed

 

So Monica dumps Colton, good for her, and she goes

To all of the sensible people she knows,

And proposes an alliance to take out the bully

Which everyone wisely agrees to fully.

 

CHALLENGE TIME!  And though it’s quite droll

I must make the reference: “DO A BARREL ROLL!”

While Tadhana’s strength nets an early lead

It seems Gervase can skee-ball with all due speed.

 

He wins and declares “This one’s for Marissa!”

See there my dear, he really does miss ya’!

So it seems we must put up with Colton some more,

As we head to Tadhana, where you know the score:

 

Guy power’s the thing in the testosterzone

Dooming all those with no “Y” Chromosome.

But there’s fragmentation, for the idol’s at hand

And if played, all might not go as planned.

 

Guys and girls together decide John must go.

(I still think it’s Rachel, but then, what do I know?)

Ciera and Katie still don’t think they’re safe

So uniting their votes, it is John that they’ll strafe.

 

We march off to Tribal, with little fanfare

To vote off someone with two-piece underwear.

Sure enough, Rachel leaves, and she will not be missed.

Colton better quit soon, or I’m gonna be pissed!

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Blood vs. Water” Episode 2: Ciera-noid

Tonight’s episode was designed to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have no affiliation with CBS or “Survivor” whatsoever.  I have never been on the show, I have never had a job on the show, and I certainly don’t have any say in the decisions on the show.  How does this episode make it obvious, you may ask?  Well, this episode seems to go out of its way to reference “Survivor One World”, whereas I, if my previous blogs were not a good enough indicator, do everything in my power to forget that the season exists.

Still, give “Survivor One World” some credit.  You know what it didn’t have?  REDEMPTION ISLAND!  Yes, this is where we’re starting off the episode, with exactly the same scene we saw at the end of last episode, oh, how original!  There is a little bit added on, mostly Marissa complaining, but frankly I don’t care because it’s just like every other Redemption Island confessional ever.  Rupert puts it most succinctly: “Welcome to Redemption Island, where people just sit around feeling pissed off.”  Give Rupert 5 apt point, that sums up a major problem of Redemption Island in a cinch.

We then waste no time after I lack of intro, getting right into Colton going back to his old, annoying ways.  Laura Boneham has begun to fit in better with the returnees, which she apparently demonstrates by starting a massage line, that pretty much everyone on the tribe enjoys.  But that means there’s happiness, and if there’s one thing Colton hates, it’s happiness.  Actually, having blogged an entire season centered around Colton, I’m fed up with him.  I just can’t stand to write about him directly anymore, so instead, I think I’ll describe the scene in verse:

Everyone on Galang tribe liked massages a lot,

But the COLTON who looked down on such things did not!

Colton HATED massages, the laughs and the feels

So he sat and he scowled like he ate lemon peels.

 

With his Monica pet, and a glare for his gaze,

He said “This was good for about 3 days

But now it’s just old.  Are we playing a game?

Time to be nasty Colton, screw clearing my name!”

 

And his Monica nodded, not a thought in her head

Assuring at this point that her chances are dead.

Thought Morett’s untrustworthy, and Kat a moron,

Those who rock the boat are the first to be gone.

Ah, that felt better.  I may actually make a version for the full episode, if I have the time later.  In any case, we head over to the slightly more pleasant Tadhana, where fortunately the only interview we get with Brad Culpepper is a generic one about fishing, which is over very quickly.  Then we cut to someone named Rachel, who’s OBVIOUSLY important given how much screen time she’s had.  Given what her name is, it’s pretty safe to guess she’s female (though I suppose her parents could have had a sick sense of humor), and thus on the outs with the guys alliance at this point.  This is true, and Rachel is playing her cards safely by not aggravating any of the guys, essentially by not associating with anyone.  The perils of this are quickly made clear, however, as paranoia plagues Ciera.  Being a woman as well, she’s naturally insecure about her position in the game, but unlike Rachel, Ciera prefers to cement her position via alliance, rather than a lack of alliance.  This, however, leads to her (false) belief that because Rachel is not in an alliance with her, she must be in an alliance with John.  No idea why John, other than general doubts about his loyalties, given that his wife is on Redemption Island.  Still, it’s a short scene, and at the moment nothing comes of it.

So we get letters telling people to head to the first Redemption Island Duel, and of course, we have to get another misstep of the episode, namely John’s constant worrying about whether or not Candice still loves him.  Look, John, you two TALKED about this, this is a competition, and I highly doubt Candice would have behaved differently had you been voted out first, so stop worrying.  For an episode that does such a good job focusing on the strategy of the twist, rather than the potential to tear families apart, this is a major misstep.

At Redemption Island, Galang gets to see that it was Marissa voted out, and we get a fairly emotional scene point out how who the other tribe voted out now has an extra impact to people, as they don’t want to see their significant other voted out.  Yes, this is focusing more on the emotional component, but to be fair, emotion is definitely a part of “Survivor”, and as long as it’s not explicitly about BREAKING bonds, I think it’s actually kind of sweet.

Rupert, Candice, and Marissa make an entrance to overdramatic music, and what’s readily apparent is that Marissa is less than pleased with Tadhana.  She spells this out to Probst in no uncertain terms, and rightly calls out Gervase for his behavior resulting in her getting voted out.  Gervase, for his part, has NO fucks to give about Marissa’s anger, and boasts that he will happily rub MORE salt in the wound for Tadhana.  I can only assume, given how charming Gervase usually is, that’s he’s going for a “Take me to the end because no one will vote for me.” Gambit.  Well, Gervase, that may work at getting you to the end, but it kind of hurts your chances at winning.

Probst, evidently as fed up with Gervase’s attitude as the audience is, cuts right to the chase, informing us that loved one can still switch with their partners at this juncture, and presumably for the rest of the game (none do), and we’re introduced to our final twist (so far) for the season.  While two people will stay on Redemption Island at any given time, there’s still incentive to come in first, as the winner can give ANYONE still in the game a clue to the hidden immunity idol.  Again, I hate Redemption Island, and I particularly hate it when it’s just a “don’t finish last” contest, but if both those things have to be in place, this is the way to do it.  It adds a new layer to the social and strategic aspects of the game, making who you vote out and how you vote them out more important.  Or it could just turn into “give it to your loved one, if they’re there” fest, like it did today, but I’m not sure that’ll hold true all the time.

Our first taste of “Survivor One World” comes in a rehashed challenge from the season, specifically a redo of the final immunity challenge from the season.  Using a long pole, castaways will maneuver a spool through a steel maze, and then place it on a platform up top.  First person to stack all 10 spools wins, last place goes home.  Not the best challenge ever, but not the worst.  It’s fairly difficult, and an interesting diversion from the usual type of challenge, but it’s still fairly un-“Survivor”-like for me, and I feel like the difficulty has been decreased here, as the spools seem easier to pick up than the pots from “Survivor One World”.

Going in, I’d say Marissa’s probably out.  More than anything, this is an endurance challenge, and Rupert and Candice have proven themselves formidable competitors in these sorts of challenges (unless, of course, food bribes are involved), and on top of that, they have more experience.  So I’m quite surprised to see Rupert the first out.  He was neck and neck with Candice for a while, but then lost his stack towards the end, and just couldn’t make up the time, despite a valiant effort.  Particularly odd is that his strategy of not working should have given him the edge.  My guess is that ultimately, it was just overconfidence of Rupert’s part.  While he is a formidable challenge competitor, Rupert’s perception of his abilities in this department are WAY above his actual abilities, and on top of that, he just wasn’t concerned.  Rupert though he had the challenge in the bag, but Candice and Marissa both thought they were in danger.  That sort of terror can really focus you, and I think just gave the pair of them the drive to win that Rupert really didn’t have this time around.  Give the man credit, though, he left with a lot of class, and at least now Candice doesn’t have to put up with him.

As I mentioned earlier, the winner (Candice) gives the hidden immunity idol clue to husband John, which he takes as a reaffirmation of their love.  I don’t know though, John.  Maybe if she’d given you the idol itself I’d buy that, but while Candice isn’t the best strategist in the world, she’s hardly a moron.  She must know that giving someone the clue makes them a target, with no guarantee of reward.  I think maybe it’s her way of revenge.

Regardless, we head back to Galang, where Laura Boneham is surprisingly strategic about Rupert’s exit.  She shed tears after his loss, which was reasonable, but she’s calm at camp, taking people’s condolence with good grace, and pointing out that now she’s free to play her own game, as unlike everyone else, she’s no longer tied to her loved one, and thus can be much freer in her strategizing.  Good move, Laura.

What’s NOT a good move is cutting back to Colton, who’s still unhappy that everyone else is happy.  Yes Colton, because you’d totally HATE condolences if Caleb had gone.  Seriously, all the man (and I use the term loosely) does is complain about how the game isn’t happening, even complaining to Tyson, Gervase, Aras, and Tina about it, stating that he likes a fast-paced game, and, ever the genius, bringing up that whole “Forcing Tribal Council just to make life more entertaining” thing.  Smart Colton, real smart.  Please actually quit next episode, so that we don’t ever have to deal with you on this show again.

Oh, he’s still going on…  Ok, need something else to focus on…  Already did the argument in verse thing… Hey, Gervase got “Pagong” tattooed on his arm, that’s kind of cool.  At the same time, “Pagonging” has become a synonym for abject failure at the strategic side of the game, so maybe not something you want to be wearing proudly.

He’s STILL going?  Man, Colton can talk.  Alright, here’s something to focus on: I may have figured out Colton’s whole problem: Colton isn’t a fan of “Survivor” as it is, but “Survivor” as it’s broadcast.  Colton’s complaint, if you’ll recall, is that the people on Galang aren’t playing the game.  Personally, I find this hard to believe, as while many of them are boring characters, most of them are at least decent strategists (the “Survivor One World” returnees excluded), and I’d be surprised if they weren’t wheeling and dealing already.  No, the problem is that on “Survivor” as broadcast, you can see the conversations that go on behind the scenes, what schemes people are plotting behind other’s backs, and it was essentially the same on “Survivor One World”, because the Manono tribe was the antithesis of “subtle”.  Colton, however, is now with actually GOOD players, one who are much more subtle about their gameplay, so subtle that Colton can’t tell that strategy is actually going on, and he’s just not being included in it.  Let him see the behind the scenes footage, and he’ll cheer right up.  As to why, with the unsubtle strategy on his first season, he was still unhappy, the answer is that Colton also demands to be ON TOP of the unsubtle alliance building.  Picky, picky, picky.

So, now that we’ve established that Colton can’t handle subtle gameplay, we thankfully head over to Tadhana, where discussion of the men’s alliance has changed since Redemption Island.  The knowledge that the ability to switch places is still in effect, the men wish to target Rachel first, in the hopes that Tyson will switch places with her, and weaken Galang.  I personally think this is highly unlikely, and a bad thing to base a vote on (always go with the knowns when voting, and not just what you THINK will happen).  Still, it’s not a terrible idea, and given how the women of Tadhana are performing thus far, it’s really not that different voting out one over the other.  The only person who dislikes this plan is John, because if Tyson does switch, it might mean Candace’s exit, which he doesn’t want.  This is really dooming John’s chances, as in this game, playing for two is a sure way to an early exit.  Still, John at least frames his counter-argument well, not mentioning concern for Candace, but instead pointing out that if Tyson doesn’t fall for the plan, then Tadhana is out a good player for nothing.  Unfortunately, John is arguing with SUPER-VYTAS, who catches his argument mid-sentence and throws it right back at him with twice the force, pointing out that it will at least demoralize Tyson.  John still expresses his discontent, but goes to sulk off in Tadhana Asylum, passing the time by looking for an immunity idol, to no avail.

It wouldn’t be an episode referencing “Survivor One World” if we didn’t cut away from semi-interesting strategy to just see COLTON being his usual ass of a self, continuing to bully everybody about not strategizing in the open.  Everyone is annoyed by this, and takes it in good stride.  What matters is that Tina makes a mild complaint to Kat about Colton’s spreading of rumors to evoke strategy.  Kat, ever the brain trust, decides to tell Colton everything that evening.  Colton takes it as well as ever, by going up and getting ready to yell at Tina for talking behind his back.   The circle is now complete, Colton.  Just call Gervase “Ghetto Trash”, and get our suffering over with.

Colton probably WOULD have yelled at Tina, had Kat not been sensible and tried to stop him.  Kat is rewarded for showing the first lick of sense in her entire life by having Colton yell at her instead.  Come on, Colton, we’re trying to encourage her NOT to be a moron, but you’re not helping matters.  Colton then wakes Tina up anyway, but why I’m not sure as he spends the entire time yelling at Kat.  Tina will vent her frustration later by forming an alliance against Colton, but we’ll come to that in a second.

The next morning Colton wonders to Monica if maybe his behavior the previous night (which was evidently witnessed by everyone) might have rubbed people the wrong way. REALLY, COLTON?  IS THAT EVEN A LEGITIMATE QUESTION?  Monica lies and tells him “No.”, but this question is so stupid that even Monica’s limited strategy can’t tell her that Colton’s a good one to be with any more.  She passes the information on to Aras, Tyson, Tina, and Gervase, who immediately note that they have five right there who hate Colton (Aras even reverting to his good guy persona by saying that getting rid of Colton is eliminating a bully), and thus form an alliance to the end, adding Monica in as the fifth.  I like this alliance.  A bit of a boring one perhaps, but with the exception of Monica, I don’t outright hate it.  Besides that, it’s a fairly sensible one, with a logic beyond “We hate one person”.  It’s an alliance with a good balance of brain, brawn, and cannon fodder.  I could see it doing very well.

CHALLENGE TIME!  Today’s challenge isn’t ENTIRELY original, but given how bad last season was, I’ll take it.  Three tribe members roll a fourth tribe member in a barrel to a series of posts where they must get out and untie bags of balls.  Once all bags are untied, and the barrel placed in a dock, four other tribe members will attempt to fill in 6 skee-ball holes, the first tribe to fill all 6 wins.  The barrel part is LOOSELY based on a challenge from “Survivor Cook Islands”, and the skee-ball ending (the one part I hate) feels very “Survivor One World”, but it is a new combination of challenges, and the barrel rolling portion seems challenging and sadistic, so I can enjoy this challenge.

My challenge-calling skills are really off this episode.  I’d have said Tadhana would win this one, given that Galang’s had MUCH more screen time this episode, and it’s purely physical, playing to Tadhana’s advantage.  Gervase redeems himself slightly from his previous challenge performance by coming from behind to win via the skee-ball portion of the challenge, and while he does yell this time, it’s that he dedicated the challenge to Marissa.  Tadhana still feels insulted, but I think it’s unwarranted this time.  Yes, Gervase is loud, but that’s who he is, and his yell this time was not against you, and, I though, pretty classy.

Back at Tadhana, despite John’s protests, Rachel still seems to be the target tonight, but Super Vytas’ Vytas-senses are tingling.  He thinks John might have the idol, and therefore it might be a good idea to take him out right now.  This isn’t helped by Ciera’s paranoia still being against John.  All the girls except Rachel are told that the vote is for Rachel (Rachel is told it’s for Ciera, and very unwisely does not question this), but Ciera’s paranoia can’t even let THAT gift go unlooked upon.  She and Katie come up with what, to be fair, is a decent strategy.  In case the boys are having them on (i.e. John gives the idol to Rachel to make it look like an accident), they should vote for John instead, as the boys will still have a majority, and their votes may save them.

We head to Tribal Council where, once again, I’m not sure what will happen, though my gut says that Rachel is going out.  Good misdirection at an unnoteworthy tribal, but my gut is right.  Rachel is booted, and I can’t say I’m sorry.  I don’t think Tyson will switch with her, so I expect she’ll be gone next.

So, was this a good episode?  It had its ups and downs, but on the whole I liked it.  The Colton parts, and some stuff with John, were albeit hard, but we had a lot of good ethical dilemmas and strategizing to tide us over.  Hopefully Colton quits next week so we don’t have to put up with him anymore.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.