Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Jan Del Sur” Episode 6: Go Directly to Exile Island

Time for a little insider’s tip in entertainment blog writing: develop a theme. Especially when blogging a tv show, each season tends to develop a tone to it. Whether that season is remarkable, miserable, or somewhere in between, generally each season will not deviate from that tone. This makes them easy to blog, as you can keep that tone throughout the introduction to each episode, making life a lot easier for you, the blogger. However, in the rare event that an episode deviates from said tone, you’re screwed, and have to resort to some gimmicky trick to segway into the episode, such as giving your fellow bloggers a lesson in how to write introductions to each episode’s blog. Before I can give you an example of such a segway, though, we must pause for another edition of:

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Actually a relatively minor one this time around. Last episode, I listed several reasons why Jon and Jaclyn allying with Missy and Baylor over Kelley and Dale was a bad idea. However, I failed to list one of the biggest reasons why this was a bad idea, apart from the ones given last episode. Specifically, the number of times Baylor had voted the opposite way from Jaclyn. True, neither Missy nor Kelley had ever particularly voted WITH Jon, but there was nothing to indicate they eventually wanted him out. It was made VERY clear during Jaclyn’s time on the original Coyopa that Baylor was against Jaclyn. True, Baylor did vote with Jaclyn at their last Tribal Council, but that was due to the uniting factor of Neil Patrick Harris, and you’ll also recall that while he used her vote, he INTENTIONALLY excluded Jaclyn from that alliance. Call me crazy, but maybe you don’t want to ally long-term with the person who voted against you at multiple Tribal Councils! Now, I have heard via the internet that Jon’s justification was apparently that Kelley had been campaigning to get him out first, and by that I mean even before Drew. This does change things a bit, if true, but I have to ask, if that was true, why was it NEVER shown? I get that there’s limited time in the episodes, but I think you could take 30 seconds to get a clip of Kelley saying “Jon’s a threat. We should get him off.” Changes the whole tone of the conversation. And even if that is true, that was only talk. Baylor’s actions showed that she was against Jaclyn, and as with the rest of the world, actions speak louder than words. Still going with the “Bad Idea” side here.

But anyway, the actual episode starts, predictably enough, with Dale getting fairly emotional about the loss of Kelley. I’ll cut him a lot more slack than I usually do, as the parent/child bond is fairly strong, and one of the consequences of a “Blood vs. Water” twist is that things are going to be more emotional than normal. However, I draw the line at his continued gushing about how “proud” he is of Kelley. Yes Dale, be proud of your daughter. Be proud of how she coasted for 12 days making absolutely no impact on the game whatsoever, before getting surprisingly and unceremoniously voted out.

Snarking aside, Dale quickly gets back on his feet, and starts formulating a plan to save himself. “I’m not out until I hear my name read four times” he says, and I have to admire the upbeat attitude. It would be so easy to just roll over die, game wise, in this scenario. Dale, however, decides to pull out all his cards, and show Jon his “idol” that he found back in episode one. What’s this? Setting up plot points early in the season and then ignoring them? This is NOT the “Survivor” I am used to! In all seriousness, I LOVE the fact that this was set up so early, and the point of it was not driven into the ground. Point being, it assumes intelligence on the part of the viewer, and as an intelligent viewer, this pleases me. To make matters even better, Dale plays it up very well, pointing out to Jon that he’s safe for at least one vote. Predictably, this makes Jon want to turn on Keith (though regretfully, as he informs us), and thus greatly improves Dale’s chances of survival. One should not discount Dale’s acting ability either. He pulls this off just about perfectly, and he really jumps up in my estimation. The one nitpick I could have here is that he maybe played this card a bit too early. With a few days to think it over, it’s easier for them to figure out that Dale’s idol is a fake. Better to save it for the day of, when there’s less opportunity for others to figure out the lie. Still, Keith probably won’t be in on such discussions, and he’s the primary person who could call “shenanigans”, so it’s a minor nitpick (I would also call out Dale not parlaying this into a long-term deal, as there’s no point in not parlaying a fake idol, as opposed to a real one, but Dale does this later, so I let it slide).

Determined to get ALL the advertised plot-points out of the way early, we cut over to Hunah Poo-Poo, who are all bemoaning the lack of rice, and what they’ll have to trade for it. Jeremy in particular is complaining, but not about the lack of food. His argument, not unfairly, is that Jeff’s price will be fairly high, and you can live without food. Besides, they could win a reward challenge and get food, which would make the trade pointless. Hate to say it, but I pretty categorically disagree with Jeremy on this point. Unless the trade is that you have to go to Tribal Council (which is unlikely), Jeff can’t take anything from you that you can’t make some facsimile of yourselves (i.e. shelter). By contrast, you can’t live without food, and as Jeff himself points out, their large eating habits are part of the reason they were winning. A food reward, if one comes, might help, but as Kalabaw demonstrated on “Survivor Philippines”, a temporary boost is not as helpful as one expects. I cut Jeremy a bit of slack, as it sounds like he’s been listening to a lot of complaining lately, and I don’t think he takes it well, and he does at least confine his opinion largely to private confessionals, meaning this opinion probably won’t hurt him. I also give him credit for not making the “We’re close to the merge.” argument, which while a fair argument, always annoys me. Predictable as the merge has become (and, in fact, Jeremy WOULD have been right with the “merge is around the corner” argument), you can’t assume anything on “Survivor” and playing for the merge is a strategy that can easily backfire.

Probst shows up before too long, and gives Hunah Poo-Poo a stern talking-to about their patheticness, comparing them unfavorably to the Barramundi Tribe of “Survivor The Australian Outback”. They accept this, but Reed goes on the “Blame the people who aren’t here” game, though given what we’ve seen of Missy’s serving habits, he may be telling the truth. He does bring up a good point, though, as to why no one wanted to speak up against this plan: that early on it would give people too much of a target. The explanation seems logical, so I’ll take it as true, barring further evidence.

As predicted, Probst says he’ll give Hunah Poo-Poo another supply of rice, but they have to give him their comfort reward, as well as a pot, hatchet, hammer, and one of their flints. This will leave Hunah Poo-Poo with only their new rice, one pot, their shelter, a flint, a machete, and the remaining pot. A bit steeper than what was predicted, but pretty fair. The only real losses Hunah Poo-Poo suffers from this trade are the tarp and the hatchet, and in each case you can come up with a substitute. The machete can do what the hatchet can do, and while not as good as a tarp, thickly layered palm fronds can do wonders for keeping you dry. Even so, Probst can be haggled with, and so it’s worth Hunah Poo-Poo’s while to discuss the deal. Hence, they get up, seem to congregate and… immediately start tearing down their camp. Oh well, like I said, it’s not a bad deal, although Jeremy is still fairly unhappy with it. At least he knew enough to just go along with the plan and not make waves, one small outburst at Alec notwithstanding.

“Hope it doesn’t rain!” Probst calls out ironically, as he drags away the comfort of Hunah Poo-Poo. It’s moments like these that Probst lives for, and you know it. It’s “Survivor”. There’s always going to be rain. He’s just tormenting them.

We head over to the reward challenge, where Natalie and Julie do a poor job at hiding how upset they are that Kelley is gone, as she was their ally. We don’t dwell on it for very long, though, presumably because there are fewer intense emotions that can be wrung out of it from Probst’s standpoint. As to the reward challenge itself, it’s a repeat through and through, but at least it’s one we haven’t seen in a while. One person from each tribe will navigate through a wood tunnel, blindfolded, to untie three bags of puzzle pieces. While doing so, they also feel a raised demonstration puzzle at the end. Once they have all three bags back, they must then reassemble the puzzle purely by feel. This challenge was first seen in “Survivor Gabon”, and has been rarely seen since, so it’s been long enough that I’m ok with it. Helping this challenge is just how tough it is. Admittedly, the tunnel is kind of lackluster, evidenced by how fast and relatively injury-free the people running the challenge get through it, but these puzzles are incredibly difficult, particularly given that there are “dummy pieces” that fit the puzzle, but aren’t exactly right, and the tribe cannot call out help on this challenge. The reward this time is not a choice, unfortunately, but is a pretty good one. A grill with steak and chicken kebabs, just the stuff that Jeremy was foreshadowing. I sarcastically say “Didn’t see that one coming!”

With only one pair of loved ones separated by tribe, Ancient Mayan Rock-Paper-Scissors goes the way of the Ancient Maya, and each tribe not puts up whomever they think would run the challenge the best. Reed goes up for Hunah Poo-Poo, while Baylor takes the stand for Coyopa, and I really can’t complain about any of these choices. Baylor is small and limber, so will fit through the challenge easily. Reed, meanwhile, is Spider-Man, and is therefore flexible. Also, he’s been the main “Puzzle Guy” of the season, so it makes sense to put him in the challenge.
Even so, it’s a close race, which Reed pulls out by giving a fantastic performance on the puzzle, getting only one piece wrong, and then correcting it before calling it to Probst. Seriously, that was a godly performance, and the man deserves all the credit in the world for doing so. During the challenge, we also see that Probst is on a tormenting role, reminding Reed and Baylor how EASY the puzzle would be if only they could see the pieces, due to the wrong ones being colored red.

With Reed’s win, Baylor is going to go to Exile Island, and now Reed must choose someone from his own tribe to go with her. He starts to say Julie, justifying it as another “Fuck You” to John Rocker, by proving that his wife is ok alone, before Natalie states that she was going to volunteer. Probst, hearing this info, give Reed the opportunity to make a definitive call, which he switches to Natalie. Frankly, this was a good call on Reed’s part. Unless you have reason to suspect ulterior motives to “I can handle it.”, which Reed does not at this point, if someone wants to go to Exile Island, you let them. It makes for less bad blood later. On top of that, from Reed’s perspective, you don’t want any of the former Coyopa going to Exile Island, as they could potentially reconnect with Baylor. Admittedly, if he is with Wes, Alec, and Neil Patrick Harris, this could be a bad move, but he can justify it by saying he didn’t want her around messing up their strategy. Good play, my man.

As they leave, and back at Coyopa, Missy comments on how she now KNOWS that Natalie is on her side, and will be allied with them until the end. I CRINGED when I first heard this, and it doesn’t sit very well with me even now. You don’t want to have that degree of certainty in an alliance across tribes. Such alliances are far too fragile. However, my initial reaction is tempered somewhat by remembering that Missy and Natalie were initially both Hunah Poo-Poo, and that they were allied via Jeremy. While I still say the certainty is too high, this conclusion does at least make more sense now.

Missy’s position is supported by the scene we get at Exile Island. As it turned out, Natalie DID have an ulterior motive for going to Exile Island, and it WAS to make a bond with Baylor and Missy. This way, come the merge, the two will be inclined to protect her, thus helping her chances in the game. She parlays this trip further when Baylor ends up with the clue, shares it with Natalie, and she talks about how she and Jeremy can totally find it together. In other words, Natalie has used going to Exile Island as a means to get better protection for both herself and her ally, and possibly set up a new alliance for the future. I have to admit, this is some pretty impressive gameplay. Natalie is doing much, much better than I expected, and I’m now loving watching her. Plus, this gives us a good woman strategist, something this season has been sorely lacking in.

Hunah Poo-Poo, meanwhile, celebrates their reward and their food, Jeremy enjoying himself, but giving a bit of an “I told you so.” confessional. I still like the guy, I’m still rooting for him, and I still think he’s a good strategist, but I have to admit, he is fairly negative. Along with this rant is complaining about how lovey-dovey Reed and Neil Patrick Harris are over each other, and how they act like they run the place. I don’t think Jeremy is taking well to not being in charge. Enough with the negativity, though, let’s get some positive thoughts here, with our resident nice dumb guy, Alec:

“I’m a meat lover!”

Truly, more erudite thoughts were never before expressed. So glad we kept him around.

The prophecies of Jeremy come true, however, as a torrential rainstorm bombards the camp later that day, and despite their having an adequate shelter, Hunah Poo-Poo still gets soaked. Presumably Coyopa does as well, but there’s no dramatic irony in that, so we don’t see it. Plus, it leads to another breakdown, though thankfully with no #survivorbreakdown attached. Julie finally betrays her true colors, complaining about how much this sucks after but one night of rain, and threatening to quit the game. Jeremy, in his best move of the evening, manages to talk her out of it, in a very socially sensitive and smart way. He acknowledges her feelings, but tries to impress on her how it’ll get better, and he needs her. Julie seems down even so, but no longer wants to quit, so score one for Jeremy this time.

Ok, the reward challenge could get away with being a rehash, but I draw the line at the immunity challenge. It. Just. Sucks. Basically, the tribes go over a wall (not even a sheer wall, it has rungs), before pushing a hollow cube along a straight road, stopping periodically to climb on top and retrieve bags containing flag parts from what look like gallows. Once they have all three bags, two members of each tribe race to put together a flag, the first tribe to put their flag entirely together wins immunity. This challenge, is simple, boring, and a combination of several challenges from the past. Climbing walls originated on “Survivor Borneo”, the cube (which I would add is much easier to push in this version) comes from “Survivor Tocantins”, the gallows originated in “Survivor Fiji”, and the puzzle is from “Survivor Philippines”. There’s just no good way to look at this one. I guess we’ll have to rely on the tension about who will win to make this challenge exciting.

Oh, wait, scratch that, it was totally ruined by a shot of Jon clapping Keith on the shoulders around the words “Wins Immunity”, which they’d only show us if Keith was in danger after the outcome of this challenge, meaning Coyopa is going to lose. AGAIN! Seriously, this plot line is getting old. Oh well, at least they give us some tension by having Hunah Poo-Poo fall behind early due to Jeremy getting one of the bags tangled, while Jon turns out to be a master at tossing bags around springs. However, this challenge involves a puzzle, and now that both Reed and Josh are on Hunah Poo-Poo, Coyopa is pretty well screwed in the realm of puzzles. Sure enough, they lose, big surprise.

Back at Coyopa, Dale realizes what I realized earlier, which is that with a fake idol, you really need to parlay to a long-term alliance, as simply splitting the vote may not be enough. As such, Dale promises that if he’s spared and put in a long-term alliance, he’ll give Jon his idol after the vote. This is a PHENOMENAL move by Dale, as it loses him nothing and potentially gains him an alliance. He frames it really well, saying that he’d rather have it be used for the good of all come the merge. Jon agrees, and tells him they’ll vote off Missy. However, he also tells Missy and Baylor that Dale has an idol. This gets them to split their votes. Keith, Jon, and Jaclyn will keep on Dale, in case he doesn’t play his idol, while Missy and Baylor will switch to Keith, in case he does. This gives Jon and Jaclyn all the power, as they can now vote for either Missy or Dale, and they’ll go home. I’ll admit, it’s a tough choice. Of course we, the audience, know the obvious choice is to go for Dale, since he’s outside the alliance, a shrewd player, and his main draw, the hidden immunity idol, is a fake, and therefore there is no benefit to going with Dale. Thanks to Dale’s forward thinking, though, it’s a convincing immunity idol, and so there is debate. Overall, though, even not knowing Dale’s idol is fake, I still think it’s better to stick with Missy and Baylor. While Missy’s connections on the other side are worrisome, particularly as the merge is probably soon (while making definitive statements about the merge is bad, I’ll admit there’s a time to start thinking and making moves based on it, and thus I’m ok with that thinking here), you’d alienate a bunch of potential allies by betraying two alliances in as many Tribal Councils. Plus, you’d leave a LOT more singles in the game, which is bad if you want to stick together.

I hesitate to say that this Tribal Council is boring, but I also can’t say that it’s particularly memorable. They touch upon the hardships of having a loved one voted out, and the strategy of this vote. While the misdirection has been pretty lackluster this episode, this is one area where it succeeds. There’s reasons for each side to go home, so it’s good. Ultimately, for once, sense wins out, and Dale is sent home. I’ll admit, unlike a lot of other votes this season, something of value was lost. Dale was a pretty shrewd player, and always fun to watch, and so I’ll miss him. Have to say, though, if I was in Jon’s shoes, I would have done the same thing. Why did I not say Jaclyn’s shoes as well? Frankly, given what I’ve seen this episode, I have no illusions as to Jaclyn having any agency in the alliance. It’s all Jon, all the way.

Still, if I haven’t been quite clear, this is my favorite episode of the season thus far. Sub-par challenges aside, there was a LOT of brilliant strategy this episode, and it managed to pay off old storylines as well as setting up ones for the future. Why, I’d dare say an episode of this caliber deserves a

TOP 3 AND BOTTOM 3!

In honor of the regrettable exit of Dale, I’m going to talk about fake idols this week. They’ve been a staple of “Survivor” pretty much since the hidden immunity idol was introduced. Points will be given both for the creativity of the idol/how convincing it is, and how it was used. Now, you may ask why it is that this is “Top 3and Bottom 3” as opposed to the usual “Top 5 and Bottom 5”. The answer is simply that, despite how much of a staple it is, there have actually only been 8 fake idols of note, and as such, a list of 10 is not feasible. Instead, this will be a list of 6, with no Honorable Mentions. As per usual, we begin with the:

TOP 3:

3. “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”: Stretching the definition of “Fake Idol” just a little bit, I award the first top spot to Rupert Boneham’s rock from the season. While not used like the traditional fake idol, in that it was not a facsimile created by the finder of a true idol, it does count. If you’ve forgotten, Rupert, in an attempt to save himself as the Heroes were getting decimated post-merge, looked for an idol after Probst announced its existence after a challenge. Failing to find it, he put a rock in his pocket, hoping the extra weight would make it look like he had an idol, and thus get the votes off of him. The plan worked, to an extreme that even Rupert could not have anticipated. Paranoid Russell Hantz fell for it hook, line, and sinker, causing the votes to be split between Rupert and Candice Woodcock. Then, Rupert and Colby Donaldson turned their votes on Candice, securing Rupert another three days. A masterful play in how underplayed it was, and I particularly love that it was the supposedly “stupid” Rupert who pulled on over on the supposedly “smart” Russell Hantz. Makes me laugh every time. It misses being higher only due its plainness, and the fact that it could be argued that it’s not actually a fake idol, for the reasons given earlier.

2. “Survivor China”: Again, not one that was made, but one that was found. This season had the idol be an object in plain sight at camp, but there happened to be two such objects. One, which had writing on the back, was the real one, and one had only plain wood, denoting it a fake. James Clement had found both real ones, but Jamie Dugan found a wrong one James had discarded. Finding herself in trouble come the merge, she played it, marking the first instance a fake idol was ever actually played. In contrast to Rupert, this idol looks cool, but served little purpose to the game, apart from a bit of hilarity at Tribal Council. Even so, I remember that Tribal Council fondly, enough to give this idol the number 2 spot.

1. “Survivor Gabon”: Was this ever really a contest? Out of practically nothing, Bob Crowley managed to create an idol that was incredibly convincing, and used it not once, but twice, to split votes, get himself further, and humiliate Randy Bailey. All worthy goals, given how much of a jackass Randy was, so it’s not even much of a contest.

BOTTOM 3:

3. “Survivor San Juan Del Sur”; I wanted to put this one on the “Top” list, I really did. But space was limited, and frankly, although this one looked good, and was theoretically used correctly, it technically has to go on the bottom. This is a game about results, and while Dale did his best, ultimately the idol came to nothing. While it does look incredibly convincing, almost no effort was put into it, so I can’t really call it a “Top 3” fake idol. Still, props to Dale for effort. A few more spaces, and this definitely would have been on the “Top” list.

2. “Survivor Micronesia”: In the immortal words of Eliza Orlins, “It can’t be the idol. IT’S A FREAKING STICK!” Literally just a stick with a smiley face carved onto it, this idol displayed little effort, and served no purpose other than to draw out the real idol at Tribal Council. That might strike someone as a good use, but consider that the idol was drawn out of THE PERSON WHO MADE THE FAKE! Not something you want revealed. On the other hand, the stick was wrapped in paper, which makes a difference, and could have been seen as a sort of “Swiss Family Robinson” type idol. In either case, it’s more effort than was given to the number one worst fake idol.

1. “Survivor Fiji”: What’s lazier than a stick with a smiley face carved into it? Half a coconut with a smiley face and the words “Hidden Immunity Idol” painted on it. An idol so ludicrous, I can’t believe anyone would play it. Which they didn’t. Because it was never found. It looks lame, it came to nothing, this is clearly the worst fake idol. Plus, “Survivor Fiji” was an awful season, and I like blaming it for things.
Short thought that list was, I hope you enjoyed it! Next week looks to be chaotically strategic, so this season may turn around just yet!
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” Episode 5: Wednesday, Bloody Wednesday

This will be a hard episode to blog, and not because anything happened that makes me sad, nor has so much happened that it’s going to be overly complicated to explain. Indeed, this may be one of my shortest blogs of the season, due to how little there is to go over, and how little in depth I need to cover it. No, the problem is that, love or hate an episode, I usually have a good reason for my feelings. The intensity of said feelings can change, to be sure, but there’s always a reason. This episode, however, is an enigma. If I didn’t make it clear, very little happens this episode, and so there’s not a lot for me to commentate on/snark at. The trouble is, I still can’t help but like it, at least on some level.

Perhaps starting from the beginning will bring some clarity. Down one member, Hunah Poo-Poo hopes to get their numbers back by resuscitating the word “gnarly”. Frankly I’m surprised this wasn’t the work of Woo from “Survivor Cagayan”. In any case, it does nothing towards earning them another member, and now Jon finds himself on the outs, explaining that while he was Drew’s friend, he saw his shortcomings, and says that he’d have been on board for voting him out. I’ll say this much for Jon, while he talks a bigger game than he has (though not, admittedly to the extent of Drew), when he IS forced to play he plays halfway decently. His reaction to the vote-off is just about right, and while he’s a bit unsteady in the tribe, he’s doing a good job at getting back in their good books.

Not that this matters to Jeremy, as it’s once again time for IRONIC CONFESSIONALS! Jeremy states that he has no intention of letting Jon into the fold again, and that Jon is the next to go, which I find surprisingly shortsighted for Jeremy. While I admit that Jon is outside your alliance, and more of a threat to your game than the other people out there, he’s also really strong. After the demise of John Rocker, you can afford to lose SOME strength, but this might be a bit much. In any case, I’d say wild card Keith is more of a liability at this point, and it might be more worth it to target him. Or, at the very least, hear what Jon has to say (and I mean actually hear what Jon has to say, not just pretend to listen to him). Dear lord, this is almost EXACTLY the same mistake Drew made in the last episode (Jeremy is at least more polite about it). All this culminates in the one accurate statement of Jeremy’s, though it is also the most ironic. He states that he is in control of Hunah Poo-Poo at the moment. And I’m SURE this doesn’t mean a tribe swap is around the corner!

Coyopa, however, is not immune from the ironic confessionals either. Alec decides to soliloquize about how STRONG his brother is, and there’s no way that Hunah Poo-Poo would vote him out first. Cut to the tribes meeting up at what SHOULD be the reward challenge, and we see that Hunah Poo-Poo has voted out Drew first. Mouths drop on Coyopa, as all state that Drew was strong, and they can’t believe he was voted out. To me, this is bullshit. Apart from the fact that, like Jeff and Neil Patrick Harris point out, the Coyopans have no idea what’s going on at Hunah Poo-Poo, you guys voted out John Rocker, so obviously voting out strength wasn’t an issue for you either, and also, Drew was kind of an idiot. Yeah, a lot of it happened at the camp you couldn’t see, but there’ve been a few incidents at challenges where he’s demonstrated his idiocy. I think you could probably guess as much.

Well, the promised tribe swap happens, and now the tribes stack up as follows. Hunah Poo-Poo retains Jeremy, Natalie, Julie, and Reed, and gains Neil Patrick Harris (always a plus), Alec, and Wes. Coyopa, meanwhile, retains Jaclyn, Baylor, and Dale, while gaining Jon, Missy, Kelley, and Keith. There are a couple of insights one can see from this tribe breakdown. Hunah Poo-Poo would appear to have an advantage, having four members on each tribe, always a majority, but given how put off Jon was, it’s no guarantee that that will happen. As so often happens in a tribe swap, the tribes are uneven in terms of challenge ability, with Hunah Poo-Poo once again appearing to have the upper hand in challenges. But the big one, the one the show focusses on, and the one that is ultimately the most relevant to the outcome, is the pairs of loved ones. The tribe swap on the first “Blood vs. Water” was a bit later in the game, and due to how that one fell out, only one pair ended up united on a tribe (Tina Wesson and Katie Collins). In this case, there are a lot more pairs left, and one tribe is full of them, while the other tribe has comparatively few. Coyopa has the pairs of Missy and Baylor, Jon and Jaclyn, and Dale and Kelley, with only Keith as a singleton. Conversely, Hunah Poo-Poo only has the pair of Spider-Man and Neil Patrick Harris, while Alec, Natalie, Wes, Julie, and Jeremy are all singles. Probst questions the tribes about being with their pairs, but apart from Jeremy raising a slight red flag by saying that pairs are powerful (which does make sense, as he himself is without a pair), nobody goofs.

The tribes head back to their new respective camps, and here I must complain. While I know that challenges are not the biggest part of the game, I’ve stated before that I still enjoy them. Now, if an episode wants to skip a reward challenge in favor of a tribe swap, I’m fine with that. Tribe swaps take time, and there’s only so much footage you can put into an hour. However, if you’re going to do things that way, then DON’T SHOW ARIAL VIEWS OF A CHALLENGE ALONG WITH YOUR TRIBE SWAP! It just makes us feel denied of something awesome. If you’re doing a swap, why even have a challenge there? To fool the tribes? I’m sure there’s another way you could do that. And if they DID run a challenge, and just didn’t show it, then I feel cheated. I know the show’s supposed to be “real”, but you could edit out the missed challenge bits, and we wouldn’t mind, guys.

We get to see Hunah Poo-Poo first, where Neil Patrick Harris laments their lack of a food basket. I don’t blame him. Often, after a swap, tribes get some sort of food basket to ease the transition, and with how low Hunah Poo-Poo’s food levels are at the moment, they really can’t afford to not have food. The old Coyopans especially complain, as they both rationed their rice, and apparently had more abundant food supplies at their old camp. Jeremy, however, has greater concerns. Despite Hunah Poo-Poo having the majority, he doesn’t feel safe. Paranoid, he is certain that Reed has turned against him, and that he’ll be targeted first. Not an unfounded fear, I suppose, as of himself, Natalie, and Julie, he’s clearly the biggest threat, but I must object. From what was shown, there’s NO evidence of such an alliance, and even if there is (since it’s not an unfounded suspicion), there’s no guarantee they won’t go the “vote off the weak” strategy, meaning that Jeremy is the safest of the three. It’s a shame to see Jeremy not playing an optimal game, because while he’s not one of the greats, he’s certainly a pretty good player when it comes to strategy and building alliances, and for this season, easily outclasses most everyone else. Paranoia really seems to be his problem. While he does come up with good strategy, he doesn’t necessarily need to, and seems to overreact to threats that aren’t really there. This seems like it could be a real hindrance to his game, and I hope he starts playing better in future episodes.

As a quick aside, I’ll also say that I’m sad that we didn’t really hear any strategy from Neil Patrick Harris this episode. Like Jeremy, he’s the other good player of this season (random vote-switching aside), and it would have been a joy to watch the two smart people of the season go toe-to-toe. Granted, it would probably have resulted in one of their losses, which would have been a disappointment, but you can’t deny, it would have been a HELL of an episode.

But whatever, let’s say, for the sake of argument, that Jeremy is correct in assuming that the tribe dynamics are the way he thinks. At the very least, it can be agreed upon that he is no longer in control. Assuming that Reed has indeed betrayed him, the strategy he and Natalie come up with is actually a pretty good one. They decide, since they and Julie make a threesome, that pulling in one of the old Coyopans is a good idea. The zero in on Alec, for two reasons. First, he’s an idiot, like his brother. I’d say he’s less arrogant that his brother, but otherwise about the same. Second, and most important, he’s the other person without a loved one still in the game, and they start making this point to him. This strategy seems based on logic, and their arguments for who to draw in do make sense, so that’s a bright spot in the episode. Whether it works remains to be seen, as Alec never weighs in on the subject. Perhaps they were a bit too subtle for him. In any case, it’s too early to say, but I feel like Alec isn’t thinking enough to consider flipping from his original alliance. Besides, for him, it’s a bad move. Yes, you’re alone, but only one person wins this game, and better to go with the devils you know versus the ones you don’t. Either way, I expect he’ll be played for a sap, so maybe it’s six of one, a half-dozen of the other.

One wrong I should right, though, is Natalie. While she still has some of the negative qualities that I mentioned would hinder her in the game (note the blowout with John Rocker when she personally was not slighted by him), she’s proving, outside of the influence of her sister, to be a pretty good strategist (she and Jeremy seem to be the big brains for the original Hunah Poo-Poo), and much less annoying that I thought. Good for her!

Meanwhile, at Coyopa… Ooh… I’m sorry, Jon and Jaclyn, do you need a room? I mean, I get that EVERYTHING gets filmed, but this is a bit much! Put it this way, we don’t need FIVE FULL MINUTES of footage of Jon and Jaclyn snogging. Shame. We go from the best part of the episode (Jeremy and Natalie strategizing) to the worst part of the episode (pointless kissy face). Just when I think Baylor will share my disgust, she states that she’s jealous, as she’s 20 and single. OH NO! POOR YOU! Twenty and still haven’t found your soulmate? You HAG! You’re doomed to a life of celibacy now!

Still, Jon and Jaclyn break their liplock long enough for Jon to talk about how he’s taking over the tribe. Sure Jon, I’ll believe it when I see it. Keith, meanwhile, does appear to be on the outs with the new tribe, as there’s a telling show of them gossiping, while he’s about 50 feet down the beach fishing. Keith says he isn’t worried, due to his having an idol, and I suppose that makes sense. On the other hand, Keith, wouldn’t it make more sense to try and make friends/get in an alliance so you don’t HAVE to play the idol? Just seems like it might be a better strategy. I guess, though, that we’re talking to Keith, the man who doesn’t understand the concept of the “two-person alliance”, so we can’t expect too much.

Back at Hunah Poo-Poo, we get another short scene lamenting the rice situation. Wes informs us that they have maybe another three days’ worth of rice left. But more importantly SPIDER-MAN SPEAKS! True, it’s just to inform us that Hunah Poo-Poo is indeed low on rice, but it’s more words than we’ve gotten out of him so far, so hurray! Alec also takes this time to inform us that this was what caused Drew’s idiot behavior. Evidently, he needs three square meals a day, or he doesn’t function. Personally, I think he’s just an idiot through and through, but that’s just me. Spider-Man also comes up with a spider-plan to offer Jeff another deal at the challenge, though in a way that won’t make them “look like idiots”. More on that later.

Rice is also a problem at Coyopa. Specifically, Missy apparently brought over Hunah Poo-Poo’s eating habits, and makes what Dale considers a “double batch” of rice, destroying the rationing system. He cautions her in a slightly harsh tone, but manages to avoid an all-out tribal row, which is good. Still, it alienates him and Kelley from the rest of their tribe a bit, and it doesn’t help that Dale is still fuming. This is bad for them. Keeping conflict like this bottled in is not the way to tribe harmony. Granted, it’s a hard situation to handle, and I don’t think Dale is the most socially cogniscent guy, nor do I think he’d be good at having a polite discussion with someone he doesn’t consider an equal. On the other hand, most anything is better than how it’s being handled so far.

CHALLENGE TIME! Once again, it’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m calling it original and good. It’s another obstacle course, starting with the tribes digging up a pair of keys. Once they have them, the tribes move through a mud crawl to a gated pen. Using the keys, they must unlock the pen, and then shake a giant pole with a basket on top. The basket contains dirt, but also twenty beanbags. Once all the beanbags are out, the two tribes toss the bas onto a swinging platform, the first tribe to ten wins. While not as epic in scale as some of the challenges we’ve seen this season, it’s still pretty good. While digging, keys, and mud-crawls are “Survivor” staples, the platform is wobbly enough to be nicely difficult, and I just love the concept of swinging the basket. Hope they bring that one back. All that, plus the fact that the contestants get dirty (always a plus), give this challenge a thumbs up in my book.

Going into it, it’s a bit unclear who will win. True, the new Hunah Poo-Poo has the edge in challenges, it would seem, but I feel like we’ve gotten more strategy talk from them. Any thought that they might lose, however, is shattered in the first part of the challenge. Hunah Poo-Poo goes all-out with the digging, while Coyopa seems timid. This gives them a lead, which Coyopa cannot come back from, particularly when their timidity keeps up when shaking the basket. I thought Coyopa might have a chance since the beanbag throwing looked tough, but Jeremy and Wes manage to make it look easy. Hunah Poo-Poo’s victory was a predictable outcome, but I do like that Probst, usually so attentive at saying how far ahead a tribe is in a challenge, got so caught up in encouraging Coyopa that Hunah Poo-Poo has to call out their own score. One point for hilarity.

The aforementioned deal does come up, but after Coyopa has left, evidently so as to avoid embarrassment. I have to admit, my heart dropped, as I worried they would give up immunity for food. Thankfully, they aren’t that dumb, wanting to make just about any deal other than that, and Probst puts the deal on hold, as that little bit of rice means they won’t starve. These deals are starting to frustrate me. For all that Hunah Poo-Poo is overall the smarter tribe, they keep doing dumb things, and need to compensate. Also, when did this show turn into “Deal or No Deal”? Granted, the image of Probst with a shaved head is pretty awesome, but it’s not what I came here to watch. As to the “mystery” of what the deal will be… C’mon guys, they’re not going to trade their flint back, so Probst will want the shelter reward they have. Besides the same deal was made in “Survivor The Australian Outback”, and we all know how much “Survivor” loves to rest on its laurels of late.

Debate begins at Coyopa, and surprisingly, Jon’s prediction of being the kingpin comes true. Missy hates Dale, Dale hates Missy, and their loved ones feel compelled to come along. Since they need a four-person majority, they decide to try and recruit the remaining pair, meaning Jon and Jaclyn have all the power, God help us. A bit of a tough decision, but I’d say siding with Dale and Kelley is the smarter move. Missy and Baylor seem uncommonly tight, while Kelley, at least to the camera, has indicated limited infatuation with her dad. True, they might be harder to beat later on, but there are other ways to get a majority, and they’ll help more in the short term. What also amazes me is that NO ONE is concerned about Keith. I’ll grant you, he’s the odd man out, but Missy and Baylor are talking about splitting the vote. If you don’t pull him in, he could screw everything up. Better to get him on your side if you can.

Sadly, another bummer of the episode is that this is one of the more boring Tribal Councils this season. Missy snipes at Dale a little bit, but apart from that, it’s just the usual talk about how the alliances formed. The Dale/Missy conflict is brought up, and Keith rightly calls out Jon and Jaclyn as being the swing votes, after establishing that he’s integrated better than we saw. Still, it is a real mystery as to who goes home, and the answer is: Kelley.

Drew has his wish. I don’t know what the deal was, but I get the feeling there must have been something about Kelley that we weren’t seeing, because EVERYONE was out to get her, when from our perspective, nothing of value was lost. In any case, if you’re going to side with Missy and Baylor, why go for her rather than Dale? Dale’s the bigger threat, less help in challenges, and the one causing the most conflict, so yeah, I don’t get this one, but I think it was the wrong move.

While maybe not the worst episode on the surface, it still had some problems. The kissy face, the relative lack of strategy, and being denied a reward challenges. Parts of the episode were a toss-up, but the outcome in each case was pretty even regardless, and a few things were spoiled. On those merits, I’d call this episode slightly below average. Not horrible, but definitely not good. Why, then, do I love it so? It goes back to something pointed out in Tribal Council that I did not touch on to save it for this dramatic reveal: How to handle living with someone whose loved one you voted out. Due to how the tribe fell out, you had pairs going up against pairs. Now, we’ve seen the drama of one half of a pair remaining before, but we’ve always had it be on opposite tribes, or after the merge. Here, you’re now splintering you tribe, and thereby creating drama, in a way that DOESN’T ruin a relationship. This is something that the first “Blood vs. Water” never did, and it’s FASCINATING to watch.
Admittedly, you did have something similar after the merge on “Survivor Blood vs. Water”, but that was individuals taking out pairs, which somehow makes it less personal. Here, it’s pairs against pairs, which, for whatever reason, amps up the drama. My major gripe with this season, apart from lackluster strategy, is how much the show has tried to tie itself to the first “Blood vs. Water”. I said the concept could work twice, but something new needed to happen. By tying it to the old “Blood vs. Water”, you hinder that. Here, you have the season striking out on its own, trying something new, and it working. This was a good episode to watch. Here’s hoping they can keep it up.
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” Episode 4: Confirming Stereotypes

Rednecks and Surfer Dudes: Two segments of the American population that are generally considered to be “Not that bright”. While “Survivor” does love to play up stereotypes, one of the reasons I love this show is that it can, and has, deconstructed such stereotypes, showing that while a person may speak and behave a certain way, this is not a guarantee that they do not have hidden depths. Sadly, tonight is not one such occasion, and this confirming of stereotypes, while not being quite as cringe-worthy as some other castaways from seasons past, does give us some of the worst strategy ever seen on the show. But does it completely ruin the episode? A question worth exploring, so let the expedition begin.

Back from Tribal Council, Coyopa is thankfully fairly circumspect. Baylor has a moment of celebration, which she admittedly did earn due to being the target that evening, but everyone is just saddened by their three straight immunity losses. The only one who displays any emotion besides this is Dale, who, too his credit, is quick to admit his mistakes. He rightly proclaims to the cameras that he got comfortable in his alliance, didn’t socialize as much as he should have, and now is paying the price for doing so. Then Dale further goes up in my estimation by taking what is accordingly the best course of action: badmouthing John Rocker, throwing out some lies about his occupation. This helps reintegrate Dale, and only makes me like him all the more. We haven’t seen as much of him as I would like, but what we do see is good. Coyopa doesn’t seem to hold anything against him, at any rate, and so all is right with the world at the moment.

Hunah Poo-Poo is also experiencing a surplus, though not, as we’ll see, of bonding. Instead, they have a surplus of flint, as Natalie found the flint they had lost covered in the sand. In fairness, it looked like it was hard to find. Still, this confirms my earlier ruling that Hunah Poo-Poo ought to have taken the fishing gear at that first reward challenge. Despite my being right, I would not go proclaiming it to the camp in a pompous manner, however. Proving once and for all that I am not Drew, this is exactly what Drew does, much to the annoyance of everyone else. In a rare moment for this evening, however, I will agree with Drew in one respect. Drew suggests that they try and do a take-back with Probst, offering brand-new flint for some fishing gear. Most of the tribe laughs him off, and says they don’t want to look stupid in front of the other tribe. They’re probably right, Probst won’t take that as a fair trade, but why not try, in my opinion. The worst that can happen is that you look stupid in front of Coyopa, and frankly, who gives a damn what they think of you? They’re the opposing tribe, they’re not going to think the best of you in any case, and I doubt anyone will not align with you later on just because you failed at trading with Probst. Even if they don’t like that, you can always pin the blame on Drew. Granted, that doesn’t work out so well for Drew, but he’s kind of a moron, so we don’t care.

Sure enough, Drew offers Probst his deal, and Probst throws it on the ground like he’s Brandon Hantz (“Survivor South Pacific”), and the deal is a pot of rice. That little bit of overplayed uncomfortableness over with, we get on to something much better, namely the challenge. While not technically original, the mechanism through which it works is cool-looking enough that I’ll call it original enough for me. That said, original does not equal good. Basically, one person from each tribe will use a grappling hook to retrieve three bags, because that challenge mechanic was just too good to only be used in the first reward challenge this season. Once all the bags are retrieved, they’ll be opened to reveal five balls. One at a time, these will be sent down a chute, which the tribe member can step on to launch the balls towards one of five baskets. The first person to get a ball in each basket wins. A fairly well-balanced challenge, but just kind of unimpressive. We’ve seen a lot of these mechanics before, the contraption for launching being the only one I really like, and for some reason “Survivor” has had a love for launching things into baskets lately, such that I’m tired of it. Still, I’m happy with the reward. It seems that my wish for the choice of reward has been granted, and so the winners can choose between the blankets, pillows, and tarp of last week, or what Probst refers to as “Picnic Food”, meaning sausages, popcorn, and s’mores. Unlike last week, this choice is more cut-and-dried. While both tribes seem to be hurting for food, none of the food offered really has any nutritional value. Only the sausages could be considered useful in this environment, and without a way to refrigerate them, you’d have to cook them up immediately, thus limiting their value. Conversely, the tarp will last the whole time you’re on the show, and a good night’s rest is always helpful. Tarp all the way.

Hunah Poo-Poo breaks their losing streak at Ancient Mayan Rock-Paper-Scissors, and picks Jon to go up against girlfriend Jaclyn, which seems like a wise choice to me. There’s no clear type of person who would be good at this challenge, but Jon and Jaclyn are amongst the most mismatched pairs this season, so it’s a good bet on their part. Still, the challenge is a lot closer than I thought it would be, with a single basket separating the tribes. The odds play out like one would expect, however, and Jon wins, sending Jaclyn to Exile Island. When asked by Probst how he feels about sending his girlfriend to Exile Island, Jon replies in a very good way. He says that though she doesn’t look it, she’s tough, and can take care of herself. This, he claims, only makes him love her all the more. Jon may not be amongst the smartest people out here, but he does seem like a nice guy. That was a very classy answer he put forth, and I think he genuinely means it. He chooses Drew to go with her, due to his having a bond with Drew, which is a fairly sensible answer, although it would have been funny to see him justify it as “punishment for the deal.” Hunah Poo-Poo as a whole chooses the tarp-based reward, which as I mentioned before is the sensible choice, so no complaints there. Alec laments that Coyopa may be the worst tribe in “Survivor” history. Don’t worry Alec. You win the occasional challenge, and watching your tribe interact isn’t the visual equivalent of pulling teeth. I think you’re in the clear.

While they enjoy their reward, only Jon is worried (Julie having done the smart thing and not shed a tear over John Rocker’s exit). He’s not so much for Jaclyn’s safety, but for her workload. Despite being the only person who’s really “close” to Drew, even he has no delusions about Drew’s work ethic, and he admits that Jaclyn might be doing most of the firewood gathering. Naturally, the edit must jump to Exile Island. Drew gets the clue, but makes no pretense about sharing it with Jaclyn. Jaclyn then admits that she was wrong about him, as Alec had evidently been spreading the rumor that Drew was a ladies’ man. This is a rumor that Drew confirms, though he says that flirting is not his focus out here. He then goes on to say the stupidest thing of the evening, which is to tell Jaclyn that she needn’t worry about never winning an immunity challenge, as he plans to throw the next immunity challenge. I pray for a minute that this is just him being hypocritical and flirting with Jaclyn, but nope, he genuinely means to throw the challenge, to “Get out the snakes.” as he puts it.

Dissecting how bad of a plan this is going to take its own paragraph. This is the move of someone in power who knows for a fact that people are conspiring against him. Drew BELIEVES he has power, despite being the laughingstock of the tribe, and only thinks there are plots against him. Some would argue that Natalie’s obvious dislike of him would lead to that conclusion, but as I’ll discuss later, this isn’t what Drew means. Now, while I accept that historically, tribes who avoid Tribal Council until the merge, and thus don’t have a chance to “practice” the game don’t do too well, this does not mean that one should intentionally lose the challenge. Throwing a challenge, though there are rare situations where it ought to be done, is something of a last resort, and if it is to be done, ought to be done via tribe consensus. One person doing so of their own free will is only going to cause chaos in the tribe, and lead to mistrust on their part. Furthermore, Coyopa still has six members. Unless you merge at twelve, you need to win at least one more immunity challenge to do better than a guaranteed tie. Finally, and most importantly, throwing a challenge gives away momentum to the other tribe, particularly when Coyopa seemed to be down for the count at this point. The LAST thing you want to do is breathe life into them. To add insult to all this injury, all this “strategy talk”, and I do use the term loosely, comes with Drew talking about how much of a “badass” he is, and how he’s actually the leader of Hunah Poo-Poo. Please spare me.

But it seems we don’t even need Drew to cause chaos at Hunah Poo-Poo. No, Keith will take care of that on his own. After looking for half an hour for the immunity idol and being unsuccessful, Keith comes to the conclusion that Jeremy must have the idol. Given the thoroughness of his search, I think Iraq will ask for him to be their next nuclear weapons inspector. Send him to a schwarma place for half an hour with no nukes in it, and he’ll be satisfied. Still, Keith and Jeremy are allies, so the first thing he does is spill the beans to everyone but Jeremy that Jeremy has an idol, and that they ought to be wary of him. Oh, sorry, that was an excerpt from the “Moron’s Guide to Bad Strategy”. That’s actually the LAST thing you want to do to your ally. What Keith did not count on is that everyone likes Jeremy more than him, and so they go spilling the beans to Jeremy. In particular, Reed seems concerned about this, which is odd since we haven’t seen much of Reed this season, when I thought he’d be more into the strategy of the tribe. Still, the fact that he’s keeping his head down is a good thing, and the fact that he seems to want to side with Jeremy implies that he knows who to be in good with. Jeremy, naturally, is none too happy with the fact that a supposed “ally” is effectively telling people to vote him off, and now puts Keith at the top of his hit list. While his reaction seemed very emotionally driven, and it’s usually not best to break up such a nebulous alliance so early, I can’t deny that Jeremy’s logic is sound. If somebody is spilling potential secrets or lies to other people, and they claim to be your ally, you really can’t trust them. Granted, I think Keith’s spilling of the beans here is more due to ignorance that malice, but the fact remains that it’s not good to have around. Not sure Keith should be the first target, but one should definitely be suspicious.

To compound the stupidity of Keith’s spilling the beans, he then figures he might need to put in a bit more effort to finding the immunity idol, rather than assuming it’s gone, Keith sets out looking again, and manages to find the idol. I understand why he doesn’t retract his story, as doing so would make him look like a schemer, but it’s still really stupid. At the very least, he could apologize to Jeremy in private.

After a long dry spell, we FINALLY get some info from Coyopa. They’re here to tell us… that there’s an immunity challenge this episode. Well THANK YOU Coyopa! We could never have figured that out on our own! In all seriousness, there is actually a bit of a point to this. Baylor and Alec have a bit of a moment in which they debate who gets to read tree mail by stealing it from one another. Baylor says that the two are like siblings, and are just playing with one another. Alec does not. He sees it as Baylor being annoying, and because this is a “Blood vs. Water” season, he has to tie it into how Drew apparently gets everything, and he gets nothing. This comparison is so forced that even Obi-Wan Kenobi would say “Take a break.” It all comes to a head when Baylor suggests boiling a pot of rice, and Alec declares that the rice pot is not clean enough, and Baylor should go do a better job of it. The two seem to resolve their differences amicably enough, but remember this for later.
I guess it was too much to ask for good, original challenges to be a constant throughout the season. This is your standard “run out and retrieve rings from the water, then throw them at a target” challenge that we’ve seen a million times and is generic. I’ll give this one a bit of credit. It has a ramp. The ramp looks nice. Yeah, despite being in the water, which is usually a plus, this challenge just kind of sucks.

Drew and Jaclyn return from Exile Island, with Drew giving us a confessional about his dilemma of throwing the challenge. This does a GREAT job at misdirecting us about whether or not he will throw it! I mean, it’s not like we’ve spent almost the ENTIRE EPISODE with Hunah Poo-Poo! No, the tribe whom we’ve seen next to nothing of this episode definitely has a shot at going to Tribal Council. In fairness to Drew, however, despite his valiant effort at throwing the rings far away from their target, I’m not sure he’s the only one throwing the challenge. Hunah Poo-Poo has to sit out three people, and while Kelley seems a logical choice, I can’t understand why Jeremy and Jon sit out, unless they WANT to lose.

As I said, the challenge is thrown and is overall uneventful, though it was fairly funny to see Keith dive into the water still wearing his hat. I have no idea how this is supposed to aid his swimming ability. Perhaps his hat is magical. Less fun, however, is the fact that Drew takes throwing the challenge as another symbol of his “leadership” and can’t stop bragging about it.

So, now we finally get to see Hunah Poo-Poo strategize, and with little exception, it’s not pleasant to watch. It starts out logically enough, with Jon opining to a few others that Julie needs to go. His reasoning is actually quite sound: when too many people are left without loved ones, they overpower those who do. To nip this in the bud, they need to start eliminating the other half of eliminated loved ones. As Julie overall contributes the least, she’s a logical target. While I normally don’t like this strategy, due to this being an individual game, the logic does make sense, as such an uprising would need to be taken care of now, before the numbers get overpowering. Why he discusses this with Natalie, who would probably be the next target after Julie, is a mystery to me, but hey, it’s better than I thought he’d do.

Drew, however, is having none of it, displaying his “leadership” by shutting down Jon before he can even explain his reasoning. Drew now says that it’s time to take off the head of the snake, the mastermind who’s been plotting against him since the first day. And who, exactly, does he think is running this malicious plot?

Kelley. He believes that Kelley is the mastermind behind everything. The only person whose screentime rivals that of Reeds, who hasn’t had an original thought in this game yet, is, according to Drew, the brains behind the whole operation. Not Jeremy, who would be the logical choice, nor Natalie, the woman who’s been exceedingly vocal about her dislike of him, but Kelley. Just let that sink in a moment. Relish in the stupidity of the logic. Now, if Drew had accused her of being everyone’s friend and unassuming, and he didn’t want to give such people a free pass to the merge, I would understand it. But he specifically uses the word “mastermind”, and I just can’t grasp this leap of logic.

Since everyone loves Jeremy, Drew fills him in on this plan. Jeremy does not take kindly to it, and once again goes on the warpath against Keith. Drew’s “leadership” rears its ugly head again, as he dismisses Jeremy’s arguments as emotional. Which they are, to a degree, but they’re more logical than yours, and simply dismissing the opinions of the people you want to align with is generally not a smart idea. To compound this idiocy, Drew then talks loudly about getting rid of Kelley RIGHT IN FRONT OF KELLEY! We’ve been seeing this mistake a lot over the past few seasons. Is doing a 360 to see if anyone’s around just no longer a “thing”? Have we REALLY reached the point of stupidity that nobody can think to do a simple spot check? Perhaps they need to play more tabletop RPGS.

This lack of strategy has riled Natalie, however, and she talks to Jeremy about getting the girls and herself together to vote off Drew, since he’s so hell-bent against them. Jeremy isn’t too fond of this, still on his “Get rid of Keith” plan, but it’s pointed out to him that Keith can be gotten rid of at any time, and Drew is really becoming a nuisance.

I’ll give this episode credit, it definitely has the most memorable Tribal Council thus far. It’s quickly admitted that there’s chaos at camp, and Jeremy wastes no time in spilling the beans on Keith’s lie. Keith retaliates that if you don’t have the idol, the best thing to do is out it, but Jeremy rightly points out that the two were in an alliance, and so they could have kept it between them. Keith scoffs at this, saying that there is no such thing as a two person alliance, and that the secret would have gotten out. Jeremy corrects Keith in that the word doesn’t get out unless someone breaks, but I think Keith may have had a point on the “No Two-Person Alliance” point. I MEAN, just look at the horrible track-record of two-person alliances, like Boston Rob and Amber on “Survivor All-Stars”, Stephen and J.T. on “Survivor Tocantins”, and Yau-Man and Earl on “Survivor Fiji”. Losers all! No, Jeremy makes this point as well, though with less referencing of past seasons. I don’t hold that against him, however. Keith admits defeat, and once again shows how sometimes those stereotypes turn out to be completely true.

Probably hoping to calm things down a bit, Probst goes to Drew for his voting philosophy. Drew comments that he wants the people disrupting things gone, but this sets off another eruption, from Kelley this time, who admits she heard Drew talking about her. A few more people admitting to the chaos, and some sniping at Drew and Keith, and the votes go in. In perhaps one of the most diverse voting pools since “Survivor Borneo”, when people still “voted their conscience”, Kelley and Keith each receive one vote, Julie receives two, and Drew the other five. “I knew there was a women’s alliance.” he says upon leaving. Drew, that my friend is what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then the winter came, and Drew’s stupidity was consumed. And there was much rejoicing. Seriously, Drew was a major load on this game. Constantly talking a bigger game than he had, and making a bunch of dumb moves, he was absolutely the right choice. While he was probably the strongest in challenges of the choices tonight, Hunah Poo-Poo still has Jeremy, Jon, and Reed, so they’ll be ok. Plus, Coyopa lost John last week, so if nothing else, they’re back to even on strength. Drew was just an element of chaos, and hopefully Huanh Poo-Poo will be better off without him.

If nothing else, going to Tribal Council did one good thing for Hunah Poo-Poo: it solidified alliances. In the preview for next week, we saw that a tribe switch is imminent. Had Hunah Poo-Poo won, and nothing solidified before the switch, they would have been in trouble. As only Jon seems to be not totally ok with Drew going, and even he doesn’t seem too put out, Hunah Poo-Poo will now be a lot harder to break, even split up. Some would argue that Coyopa is even more united, but again, I’d say they’re about equal. Recall that Baylor and Alec had some problems, Dale hasn’t integrated well, and Jaclyn is still on the outs. I’d say each tribe has a bit of room to maneuver, though Hunah Poo-Poo still has the advantage overall.

“Hot Mess” is the official title of this episode, and it couldn’t be a better descriptor for it. While there were some good bits of strategy here and there (Jeremy was not so caught up in the Keith thing as to vote for him, and so voted for Drew), overall it was just chaos for the sake of chaos. Now, that can be fascinating, in the same way that watching a car wreck is fascinating, but this one was colored with the unpleasant and unfounded cockiness that was Drew, which made it a lot less fun to watch. On top of these problems, the challenges were boring, and the misdirection rarely worked. I say “Rarely” because one good thing the episode did was the “Previously On…” segment. Basically, it talked about how good Keith’s game had been to that point, clearly indicating that he would be a target. Had he gone, I would have said it would be too obvious. However, in hindsight, it NEEDED to be that obvious, as Drew was making such an ass of himself that nothing less could have put in any doubt that he was going home. Mind you, he was still the odds-on favorite, and I still guessed the outcome, but there were a few doubts, so props there.

Not a very fun episode in my opinion, but with one or two redeeming points. Chaos for chaos’ sake is not fun, but let’s see if next week’s mix-up can give us some of that good chaos.
-Matt
Title credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” Episode 3: Put Your Behind in Your Past

Let’s face it: John Rocker is not a well-adjusted individual. Apart from the racism, sexism, and homophobia…

(BAM)

JOHN ROCKER: Hey! Who said “homophobia”?

ME: Go-Rammit! Why must everybody on this show burst into my apartment unannounced?
J
OHN ROCKER: I won’t stand for any slights on my character! I’m not homophobic. I have lots of friends who are homosexual. My closest ALLY is a homosexual.

ME: Yeah, John, that argument holds no water. Some people will tolerate anything for friendship. You can’t take back what you said. You can only show that you’ve improved via your actions. And frankly, GIVEN your actions, you’re doing yourself no favors.

JOHN ROCKER: If you were a guy, I’d punch you.

ME: I am a guy.

(PUNCH).

Well, that’s one trip to the dentist, courtesy of John Rocker. But that shouldn’t stop me typing. As I was saying, whatever else you may think about him, the fact remains that John Rocker cannot be called a “well-adjusted individual”. You see, people who are well-adjusted don’t threaten to punch people when they’re mildly insulted. In fact, well-adjusted people don’t threaten to punch people unless their life itself is threatened. Still, this doesn’t mean we should fear or loath John Rocker. In my opinion, we should pity him, as his upbringing clearly did not prepare him for life in the real world. I theorize that he did not watch enough Disney Movies as a child. If he had, perhaps he would have learned some valuable lessons that could have improved him. The value of nonviolence. The importance of love. The high mortality rate of mothers. Ok, so Disney isn’t ALL just and good, and it’s really pointless to speculate about John Rocker’s upbringing. Regardless, though, John Rocker should have seen “The Lion King”, and if he has, perhaps he should have paid more attention to it. Then, maybe he would have learned that you can’t put the past behind you. You can either run from it, or learn from it.

Still, all assholes in time, all assholes in time. We’ve got to go back to after the last Tribal Council, where Baylor is officially severing her ties to her old alliance, just in time for that alliance to start targeting her. Understandably, she’s a bit upset about getting votes at every single Tribal Council thus far (all two of them), and very nearly going home at the second one. She interprets this as Josh failing to protect her. So, let me get this straight: when Josh impulsively votes for her without telling her he’s going to, she’s willing to forgive and forget. When Josh goes out of his way and takes a fairly big risk to keep her around, he’s obviously not doing enough, and she needs to become her own woman. What is the logic in this, exactly? In all seriousness, I understand Baylor being a little gun-shy (even though it would have been more appropriate after the FIRST Tribal Council), and if it gets some women thinking for themselves this season, I’m happy.

Somewhat less happy is Hunah Poo-Poo the next day. Drew’s acute weather senses are tingling, and there’s going to a monsoon soon, he says. All fine and good, says everyone, and so they all start weaving palm fronds to strengthen their roof. A good course of action, if I do say so myself, and everyone gives it their full attention. All, that is, save Drew, who after HAVING THE IDEA states that he’s no good, and lies down in the shelter to take a nap. The same shelter, I would point out, where everyone else is weaving palm fronds. Look, I know that actual survival skills ultimately have little to do with the outcome of “Survivor”. I’m aware that laziness is not a bad thing, and I shouldn’t poo-poo it out of hand. No, I’m merely pointing out the idiocy of being lazy right in the middle of everyone else working! You have to TRY to look like more of a jackass!

However, the laziness of Drew brings out that infamous “Twinnie Rage” from Natalie, who begins poking his nose with a loose palm frond. He then has the nerve to get mad at her for waking him, at which she gets mad and reads him the riot act for not working and sleeping in the middle of their space. Yet another demonstration of the diplomatic capacities of Natalie Anderson. But somehow, I find myself siding with her, if only because she kind of has the right to complain after what Drew did. Fortunately, it doesn’t turn into a full-on explosion, and she vents her frustration to Jeremy, who seems to be of a similar mind. Jeremy then informs us that Drew’s idiocy is reaching new heights, and that while he was planning on keeping Drew around until the merge, due to his stupidity making him a non-threat, he now feels that Drew may need to go sooner rather than later. A logical decision, but I must ask: when was it in Jeremy’s plan to keep Drew around? Seemed to me he was high on the girl alliance at the moment. Hey CBS, maybe, instead of more unpleasantness from John Rocker, you could have given us some strategy from Jeremy? That would have been a more useful use of your time.

Over at our reward challenge for the day, Hunah Poo-Poo quickly finds out that Val was eliminated last episode. Everyone’s upset to at least some degree, but it’s mainly Jeremy who shows it. He does the normal “put head in hands from sadness” gesture that I feel has less and less meaning every time someone on this show does it. Jeremy quickly gets back up, though, to reveal… Rupert Boneham from “Survivor Pearl Islands”? I mean, you’re calling “Men’s Alliance” on very little evidence there, buddy. Didn’t work out so well on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”. On the other hand, he encourages the women to do something about it, at which point I yell at the screen “YES! PLEASE LISTEN TO JEREMY! DO SOMETHING TO EARN YOUR SPOT ON THIS SHOW!” It also helps that there actually IS a men’s alliance this time around, so Jeremy doesn’t look like an idiot. Jeremy also states that John Rocker lied to him. Rather than do the sensible thing and continue to lie his ass off, John instead admits to having a secret alliance with Jeremy, which naturally raises a few eyebrows on Coyopa, particularly from Josh, who’s now seeing his endgame as a bit TOO unpredictable. Now, to give credit where credit is due, it IS good for John to own up in the sense that it gives him at least a minimum chance of salvaging the alliance with Jeremy. However, this is outweighed by the sheer amount of how bad this idea is. While keeping an ally on the opposite side is good if you CAN, the problem here arises that this early in the game, it doesn’t MATTER so much what Jeremy thinks of you. The people who DO matter, your tribe, now think you’re a schnook. Way to go.

Now, on to the actual challenge, and to my great delight, it’s an original one. Standing on a wobbly beam, one contestant from each tribe will use an elongated spatula to move wooden squares from one side of the beam to the other, first to six wins reward for their tribe. I could not have made that challenge sound lamer if I tried. Still, it’s original, it’s fairly difficult, I’ll give it a pass. Ancient Mayan Rock-Paper-Scissors gives Coyopa the choice of who competes, and as John Rocker has presumably been exiled to the corner for all future reward challenge decisions, a more sensible choice of Wes vs. Keith is made. While it’s more of an even match than some of the past ones, I think this was a good move. Wes’ youth and shorter height will aid in balance, and might give him a slight edge over Keith. Sure enough, though the pair are fairly even throughout, Keith drops his fifth square, and Wes uses the edge to take victory. Keith is going to Exile Island, and Wes chooses Josh to go with him, reason being that Wes is allied with Josh, and thinks the two will get along splendidly. While I do think the choice overall is a good one, Wes, you really shouldn’t broadcast your allies quite that blatantly.

On to the reward. In what I hope will continue throughout the season, the wining tribe gets a choice. Due to Hunah Poo-Poo’s deal last time, Coyopa can choose between a tarp, blankets, and pillows, and the fishing gear from last time. A pretty even call, but since food seems to be scarce this season, I’d give the edge to fishing gear. Coyopa agrees and takes it. Like I said, I really hope that the reward not taken becomes an option every episode from now on. It seeds for a lot of stupid moves, and it helps add new challenges to the strategic game without changing things too drastically.

As he leaves, John Rocker whispers yet another “I did all I could” to Jeremy, which Jeremy rightly calls bullshit on. Now while I’ll admit John Rocker did devote his six brain cells to the task of saving Val, he clearly did not do “All he could.” The SMART thing would have been for him to say “Hey, maybe we should vote for Jaclyn” last episode, but again, giving John Rocker too much credit. While Jeremy is jumping to conclusions a bit, John did break the deal, he did not do all he could, so I have no sympathy for what happens next.

If, by some miracle, you are STILL not convinced that CBS is trying to fool people into thinking this is the first “Blood vs. Water”, the behavior of Julie after the reward challenge should convince you. She does her best Monica Culpepper (“Survivor One World”) and goes off to have a good cry about the unfair maligning of her husband, how he’s really changed, and no one will give him a chance after the infamous “Sports Illustrated” interview, blah, blah, blah. And just like with Brad Culpepper (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”), I reply that his ACTIONS this season have done nothing to convince us otherwise. I’ll admit that Julie has been behaving smarter than I gave her credit for thus far this season, but this is not the behavior of someone smart. I’m not saying that showing emotion for your loved one is a bad thing, I’m saying that John Rocker’s name is mud right now, and the more distance you put between yourself and him, the better. By emphasizing the connection, you only sully your own name. The best thing for Julie’s game right now would be for John Rocker to be voted off.

To emphasize this last point, I turn to what was happening WHILE Julie was off crying. It seems the “Twinnie Tantrum” was not done, as Natalie starts in on John Rocker fairly quickly, and also cements a bond with Jeremy by pointing out that now they’ve both lost loved ones in this game. Gee, that sounds NOTHING like the first “Blood vs. Water”. Does this season seem repetitive to you? Jeremy, meanwhile, now holds up HIS end of the bargain with John, and tells everyone who he is, saying that John made statements that were “Racist and homosexual”. I know Jeremy meant “homophobic”, but I can’t help but nitpick, if only because I find the implications of such a statement hilarious. In any case, this sets off another “Twinnie Tirade” about what an asshole John Rocker is. Yes, truly someone who becomes unstable when they lose is a good ally. I suppose she’s only digging her own grave for the end, though, and it does help bond her and Jeremy, somewhat.

Over at Exile Island, some more bonding is taking place, but, in the words of Rudy Boesch (“Survivor Borneo”) “Not in no homosexual way, that’s for sure.” While the two actually do have a lot in common, and Josh strokes the show’s ego by talking about how two people from different walks of life are coming together, Keith makes it very clear that the two have separate rock beds. Still, they do share a lot of things, like the idol clue. In Keith’s best move thus far, he shows he has learned from his mistake in the first episode by getting Josh to agree to share the clue, before the clue is even revealed. Keith gets it anyway, but still shares it. He and Josh then confer, quickly concluding that John and Jeremy are the most likely to have idols. I thought senior superlatives had to go for one guy and one girl, but there you go. Nothing comes of the suspicion around Jeremy, but as for John, well, more on that later.

What’s on now is catfish! Evidently, John has heretofore untapped fishing skills, and is making Coyopa fat and happy. On the surface, everything seems to be fine, but looking beneath, there’s a bit of tension. Taking her cue from Jeremy, Baylor proposes to Wes and Alec that John may have too much power, and ought to be taken out. Between those three and Jaclyn, they have a majority, so there’s nothing stopping them. Nothing, that is, except the intelligence black hole that is Alec’s cranial cavity. While he and Wes make a token effort at playing along, it’s late, and Alec flat out tells Baylor that they like the alliance they’re with. Way to win allies, dude.

CHALLENGE TIME! And not only do we have an original challenge for once, but a pretty damn good one as well. Basically, two people from each tribe will simultaneously make their way through a maze of wood to find a ball, and then attempt to throw it down a tube. First pair to do so scores a point for their tribe, first tribe to three wins immunity. This challenge has it all. It looks really cool. It’s physical without getting too rough (there are a few collisions). Admittedly it does split up the tribes into small hunks, but not EVERY challenge needs to have everyone together. Point being, it feels very classic “Survivor”. Just a nice, tricky contest of maneuvering, strength, and aim that nice to watch. Frankly, thus far the challenges are the best thing about this season.

It’s a closer contest than usual, with both tribes scoring two points. Tension is ruined in the fifth round, however, as the dramatic “We’re gonna win!” music plays before Coyopa can even reach the shooting area. Yes, Hunah Poo-Poo once again comes away victorious, but it’s not the challenge itself that’s the most interesting, but the aftermath. While the “Twinnie Tirade” may have been over for a while, it would seem there are “Twinnie Aftershocks” as first Natalie, and soon the whole of Hunah Poo-Poo, are attacking the character of John Rocker. Natalie gets the idea that he’s a poor sport, and I find myself in the position of defending John Rocker. All I could see that designated him a “poor sport” was his at one point going “Weh, weh, weh.” After scoring a point. Not the nicest thing to do, I’ll admit, but I’d argue it falls well within the realm of “trash talk”. Mind you, this is where my defending of John Rocker ends, as he’s certainly done more than enough in the past to deserve a couple tirades his way. And, if he wasn’t a poor sport before, he certainly is now, saying many rude things to Natalie, the highlight of these being “If you weren’t a girl, I’d punch your teeth out.” Do you understand my “Not-Well-Adjusted-Individual” intro now? Julie once again tries to make the argument that people don’t know John well enough, and are judging him on past actions. I refer you to my earlier remarks about defending John Rocker in the game.

However, just because I don’t like John Rocker, and do like his getting called out, it doesn’t mean Natalie gets off scott-free. While I love seeing John Rocker get told, this is another example of how volatile she is. She goes off on tirades, is not diplomatic, and just makes her an unreliable alliance member. Frankly, if I were on her tribe, despite the awfulness that is John Rocker, I would be wary of her. It’s all fine and good when you go off against another tribe, but what happens if she goes off against someone in your own tribe? Not a pretty picture. To their credit, though, Coyopa weather it well, pointing out that he’s still a part of their tribe. The whole affair ends with Jeremy, and a few others, egging Coyopa on to vote out John Rocker. Coyopa, please listen to them.
After making the aforementioned “Allied with a homosexual” argument, John Rocker comes up with the actually decent plan of telling the girls they’re voting for Dale, as he’s the weakest one left. This is all fine and good, but since even these women are smarter than John Rocker, they don’t fall for it.

While the guys may not have listened to Baylor say that John Rocker needs to go, for some reason they do listen to Josh. Again, let that sink in. When the WOMEN suggest a plan, nobody likes it. When a GUY suggests the same plan, they’re all for it. The sexism, the sexism, oh God, the sexism. In any case, Josh is rightly concerned at John Rocker’s unpredictability, and now fears that John might alienate any potential allies in the future on principle. Point being, John Rocker may have just passed what we might call the “Shamar Threshold”. First articulated on “Survivor Caramoan”, the “Shamar Threshold” is the point at which an ally whose purpose is to make their partner look good later becomes too annoying to keep around. The clincher, in this case, is that John reveals to Josh that he has an idol. Correctly assuming that John will not share the idol, Josh spills the beans and, as I said before, moves to vote out John Rocker. Alec is unsure, though, so there is some doubt at Tribal.

Josh stressed the importance of playing to cool at Tribal, so as to prevent John playing his idol, and it seems like people will hold to that at first. Natalie is the topic of discussion, but Alec stays diplomatic and points out that she’s not on their tribe, and so it doesn’t really matter what they think of her. The problems come when Baylor and Jaclyn speak. While Baylor merely hints at a shake-up, which could be explained away by her being the target tonight, Jaclyn pretty much outright STATES that they’ve flipped some of the guys. Subtle, you are not, Jaclyn. Fortunately, John Rocker is an idiot, and doesn’t play his idol, getting sent home in a most satisfying manner.

This episode was just average for me. Not exactly predictable, but most of my guesses turned out to be right, particularly with the vote-off. While both Baylor and John had adequate screentime to allow for their ejection, the pattern this season has been for things to go Josh’s way, and since Josh wanted John Rocker gone, I was pretty sure he would go. Now was this a good move? I’m saying yes. While John was physically strong, that wasn’t helping all that much in the challenges, and it’s not as though Coyopa doesn’t have strength without him. Strategically, you want to keep things predictable, and like Natalie on Hunah Poo-Poo, John Rocker is a volatile element which does not need to be there. As a viewer, I’m pleased. John was unpleasant in his screentime, but at least it was kept short. We’ll see if next week can liven things up a bit.
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” Episode 2: Battle of the Blands

Flint. It’s difficult to use. It helps make that thing that supposedly represents your life. It’s been a staple of “Survivor” pretty much since the beginning of the show. And it blends very well with Nicaraguan soil. This last bit was a discovery of the heretofore successful Hunah Poo-Poo tribe, and yet somehow even THIS doesn’t dampen their spirits.

But I’ll tell you what gets me down: Another edition of

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Whatever the reason (I blame the length), I always seem to forget or screw up a few details from the first episode of a season. This past one was no exception, and is amongst the worse, as I actually misremembered two details. First off, in my analysis of Dale, I mentioned his resourcefulness in making fire, and that it endeared him to me. I neglected to mention the other thing that endeared him to me. He took a leaf out of the book of Bob Crowley (“Survivor Gabon”), and grabbed some of the prop department’s decorations (in this case a small disk tied to the lid of their water source) to use as a fake idol. This comparison is kind of ironic, given that I made a similar comparison in my cast assessment. In any case, despite the overall lack of effort put into making it, this is a smart move (never know when a fake idol will save you from elimination), and makes me like Dale all the more. Power to him.

The second bit of information is actually a case of my making an incorrect guess. When watching who voted for whom in the previous segment, I was completely focused on who cast the mystery vote for Baylor, and so did not pay any attention to the other votes. Hence I guessed that Val changed her vote, since she had more of a strategic mind than any other woman there this season. However, Val actually voted for Dale, like she’d promised. Baylor changed her vote. I suppose this makes sense, if she wants to ally with Neil Patrick Harris, but that still doesn’t explain his mystery vote for Baylor.

Speaking of that vote, this episode begins with a justification from Neil Patrick Harris as to why that vote was a good thing. The justification kind of sucks. Basically, Neil Patrick Harris didn’t want anyone catching onto the fact that he and Baylor were allied, and figured throwing a vote her way would throw people off the trail. Baylor herself seems to accept this explanation, but points out in confessional that if that was the case, he could have told her BEFORE Tribal Council so the pair could have agreed to the idea. Apart from this criticism, I also have to wonder WHY he thought voting with the guys would clue them in that he and Baylor were aligned. I could see them thinking that BAYLOR flipped, but how does that tie her to you in any way? If anything, your voting for Baylor would make them MORE suspicious, since it’s just so out of the blue that they must figure something is wrong. Even if this doesn’t clue them into your alliance, it would at least make them think you’re a loose cannon, and they’d be suspicious of you. Really, man, you do well this episode, but this was a major slip-up.

I suppose the one GOOD thing Neil Patrick Harris does in all this mess is explain his reasoning to Baylor, and managing to twist the situation such that, as mentioned, Baylor is a little suspicious of him, but still willing to work with him. Not that she has much of a choice, as the poor thing never has an original thought in her head. Still, brownie points for figuring out that Neil Patrick Harris should have told you beforehand.

Hunah Poo-Poo, meanwhile, engages in the pre-reward challenge routine of Pilates, which consists of Reed showing off his contortion skill by pulling his leg up by his head (ouch!), Jon bench-pressing with logs, and Drew expressing a desire to do push-ups. Naturally, this display of macho-ness does not go over well with the women, who point out that it’s not good to wear yourself out before the challenge. I’d counter that warming up before exercising is statistically a good idea, and still end up having to side with the women on the grounds that you need to conserve energy wherever possible in this game, this seems more like actual exercise than a warm-up routine, and most damning of all, it’s been established that ONLY ONE PERSON PER REWARD CHALLENGE THIS SEASON! You don’t all need to be ready, guys. I’ll give the women on Hunah Poo-Poo credit for this: while I still am disappointed that they all gravitate towards a strong male as the leader, and don’t seem as capable of thinking for themselves, they did at least gravitate towards Jeremy, a guy with some substance, instead of these bros. Hunah Poo-Poo being the older tribe really seems to be taking its toll on the young guys. The women may not be as independent as I would like, but they are, for the moment, acting mature, which is a plus in my book.

Workouts get called to a halt, however, when it’s discovered that the tribe flint has gone missing. CBS starts drooling, like Pavlov’s dog, at the fights that are sure to follow. However, their hopes are dashed thanks to Jon “Please-Feel-Sorry-For-Me” Misch, who admits that his Dad, who I should bring up is evidently deathly ill, sorry dude, instilled in him that you admit your mistakes and express sorrow for them, so that people will understand and forgive you. Nice life philosophy, I suppose, but not so good on “Survivor”. You were already on thin ice for being a “bro”, on this tribe, no need to sink your stock lower. While I admit that what you do is a good philosophy in life, on “Survivor”, it’s better to take philosophy from the “Sandra Diaz-Twine Playbook”, which clearly states “If you can avoid being blamed for the bad thing, do it.” I suppose Jon wanted to preserve tribe harmony, which I’ll admit is good for the game, but even so, I feel like blaming Drew wouldn’t have been a bad idea.

Since the flint blends very well with the soil and ashes (Jon lost the flint by putting it on a log above the fire, again cementing stupidity), the tribe decides there’s nothing they can do and head off to the reward challenge, which I REALLY like. While it does incorporate elements from various previous challenges, they’re combined in such a way that it feels original, and you all know my love for original challenges. Basically, the competitors will place a ball on a disk in the middle of a pole, and will then pull that pole along, keeping the ball balanced on the disk, while maneuvering through a series of obstacles. Once at the end, the competitors will send the ball, along with two others, up a Ski-Ball ramp, attempting to land the balls in slots. The first one to put all three balls in the slots wins fishing gear for their tribe, plus sending their loved one and someone from their own tribe to Exile Island. To be specific about the elements combined here, we obviously have the Ski-Ball that originated in “Survivor Caramoan”, and has become a staple of the series since. I’ve admitted that I’m not a fan of this element in the past, and I’m still not, and it’s the one part of the challenge I dislike. Even so, I do like the addition of obstacles on the ramp, and so like this iteration of Ski-Ball better. The other part of the challenge is a combination of moving through various obstacles and balancing a ball on a disk, now combined to be done at the same time. The “Ball-On-Disk” aspect comes from “Survivor Redemption Island”, while the obstacle maneuvering has been seen in many places, but most closely resembles a challenge from “Survivor Blood vs. Water”. Like I said, this is a great new combination, making for a difficult, nerve-wracking challenge that doesn’t play easily into the normal “Survivor” skill set.

First pick is once again decided by “Ancient Mayan Rock-Paper-Scissors”, or, as they called it, “Rock-Paper-Some Sort of Cutting Tool That Hasn’t Been Invented Yet”. John Rocker somehow manages to beat out Reed in this, giving Coyopa the only victory they’ll see tonight. And it’s a good thing, because they squander their victory right away. With a challenge, like this, maneuverability is key. You want to pick someone small, coordinated, and agile. John Rocker fulfills very few of these categories. Coyopa’s best bet would have been to pick either Baylor or Dale, in my opinion. Both are small players, and while their counterparts on Hunah Poo-Poo have the potential to outmatch them physically, it’s a pretty close match. I suppose picking Alec would have been ok as well, as Drew is the taller of the pair. But regardless, the WORST pick you could have is John Rocker, given that his counterpart is Julie McGee, arguably the TINIEST woman on the opposite tribe. Almost ANY other contest, particularly involving physical strength, Joh Rocker wins. But the man is over six feet tall and has all the maneuverability of an eighteen-wheeler. He’s going to get stuck on these obstacles.

Sure enough, despite John’s overall moving faster, he gets stuck on a few obstacles and drops the ball, while Julie moves slowly and delicately, never once dropping the ball, and ultimately wins for her tribe. And while I may remain unconvinced of her supposed strategic brilliance, I’ll give credit where credit is due, this was an impressive performance, and it was HILARIOUS to see her take down big, bad John Rocker. And for the record, in another strike against him, you could tell that John does not handle losing well, slamming his fist down on an obstacle in frustration.

After winning, Julie goes up and hugs John, which prompts Probst to ask John how it feels to be beaten by his girlfriend. This is an opportunity for John to partially redeem his past bigoted statements, and show that he has a human side. John instead states that it feels worse to be beaten by a girl. So, we now get to add SEXISM to that list of wonderful John Rocker qualities. What. An. Asshole.

Julie chooses to send Jeremy to Exile Island, a decision that mystifies me. Granted, even though we haven’t seen it, Julie seems on board with Jeremy’s alliance, as otherwise I feel she would have sent one of the “bros” because they annoyed her. The only reason NOT to send them is if you don’t want them getting access to the idol clue. But even so, why send Jeremy, the physically strongest member of your alliance? Whatever else it does, Exile Island drains you, and you want your strongest member ready for battle come the immunity challenge. Send your weakest member who isn’t you (i.e. Kelley), and then sit her out come the immunity challenge.

With Jeremy and John out of the picture, Probst prepares to send the tribes off, but Hunah Poo-Poo stops him. Having won reward, they say they’ve lost their flint, and would like to exchange what beans they have left for fire. This was the “new bargain” Probst had been hyping for the season, but it’s not all that new, and kind of lame. It bears a striking similarity to the FIRST “Survivor” Bargain on “Survivor The Australian Outback”, where the tribe traded one essential (shelter) for a greater essential (food). All that’s new is Probst reading them the riot act, not undeservedly, for going about the bargain the wrong way, having waited until AFTER they’d won to make the deal. Now, Probst wanted more, but I can see Hunah Poo-Poo’s logic. If they lose, they’d only have the beans, and so they’re more valuable than flint (as Hunah Poo-Poo still has fire coals they can restart), but if they win, they’ve got a surplus. Still, Probst is a hard bargainer, and now won’t rest until they forfeit the fishing gear. There’s an intense debate, in which the bros want the fishing gear, but the women, particularly Natalie, want to make the trade. I’ll admit, this is a tough call, and I’m not 100% sure what the right decision is. This ultimately means there’s no wrong decision, but I’d ultimately say that it’s better not to make the trade. There are other means of making fire, and you might possibly find the flint. There is NO other way of catching fish, and I doubt they’ll find fishing gear just lying around the beach. Ultimately, though, Hunah Poo-Poo does not agree, and makes the trade. As I say, it’s not a huge loss, but I think it’s the worse decision of the two, by a narrow margin.

Back at Hunah Poo-Poo, there’s mild celebration at the reclamation of the flint, but it’s overshadowed by commiseration. Natalie, understandably, is somewhat broken up about Nadiya’s departure. She claims that she hasn’t cried in over a decade, a bit of hyperbole I find very hard to stomach. Other than that, though, I actually liked the scene. I showed a lot of members of Hunah Poo-Poo in an endearling light for how they consoled her, particularly Reed (though honestly, I found Missy’s subsequent breakdown annoying for a supposed “tough woman”), and hyperbole aside, Natalie’s reaction genuine. While what I’ve seen of the two indicates that the sisterly bond is volatile, due to the amount of insults they fling back and forth, it speaks to a certain power of the bond that the pair still remain on good terms, so it’s understandable that Natalie would be somewhat upset at her sister’s departure. What’s more, again apart from the “haven’t cried in ten years” thing, Natalie’s reaction was pretty subdued. She cried, but she got over it and put her head back in the game, and what’s more, she didn’t swear any vendettas, she just did her best. While the vendettas and revenge plots on the first “Blood vs. Water” were interesting, even they slipped into the realm of the soap opera, or even drama for drama’s sake. Point is, it felt forced. Natalie’s reaction doesn’t exactly give us the same emotional impact, but it feels more realistic, and it actually makes me like her more than I thought. When they aren’t losing, evidently, the twins can be tough, engaging characters who can spout the odd one-liner that helps make “Survivor” entertaining. Granted, Natalie hasn’t been a losing situation with Hunah Poo-Poo yet, so that opinion is subject to change, but from what I’ve seen, I like her.

Coyopa, meanwhile, is unraveling on the John Rocker front. Specifically, it turns out that Dale’s “Famous Person” radar is not just limited to reality tv. He has recognized John Rocker, and even remembers that he’s something of a racist, homophobic, bigoted asshole. Somewhat disappointingly, the tribe’s reaction overall is “So What?” On a personal and viewer level, I’m sad to see this, as John Rocker’s assholery makes me want to see him burn, but I must admit it’s good strategy to keep him around. Josh in particular is ok with the news, as he sees John now as a good person to take to the end, as he’s a big target come the merge, but will get no votes at the end due to his personality. Think Phillip Sheppard (“Survivor Redemption Island”), only with less crazy and more bigotry. Sound strategy, if you can get it to work. You could run into a Shamar (“Survivor Caramoan”) situation, and have him be more trouble than he’s worth. Josh does have good logic, though.

Regardless, Dale brings this subject up to make a point of how awkward Exile Island must be, due to Jeremy’s race. Jeremy, for his part, expresses a similar sentiment, as he ALSO remembers John Rocker and his infamous interview. Jeremy’s a little less forgiving than Coyopa, but still willing to let it ride with John Rocker, since he’s stuck with him. Jeremy ends up getting the clue, but doesn’t think as fast as his wife, and ends up sharing it. While I’m never a fan of sharing idol information if you can help it, I admit that Jeremy makes the most of the situation, making a sort of “Let’s take care of our loved ones” deal in sharing the clue. The clue, for the record, is a lot more informative. The clue originally had the words “Dig” and “Well” for Val, but now adds the words “Seven” and “North” for John and Jeremy. The first clue was too vague to be of much use, but this one pretty clearly indicates that the idol is buried seven paces due north of the well.

Challenge Time! And we get the first reused challenge of the season in entirety, but I’m ok with this one. Kind of. It’s the return of “Sumo at Sea”, first seen in “Survivor Palau”. The jist is that one member of each tribe squares off on a platform with sandbags, attempting to push the other person into the water. Last one standing wins a point for their Tribe, first Tribe to an arbitrary number of points (in this case five) wins immunity. It’s a very basic strength challenge, but there is something in the brutality of it that I find endearing. It’s also that brutality (as well as overusage recently) that is starting to make me dislike the challenge, but I’ll address that when it comes up. What also helps is the unpredictability of this challenge, though it’s case specific. At this point, Coyopa is getting into a rut of losing challenge, but their one strength is, well, strength. Hunah Poo-Poo’s momentum might give them an edge, but Coyopa’s strength makes up for it, so the outcome is far from decided, but I give the edge to Coyopa.

Probst’s gimmick this season is to give many of the matchups goofy names. However, he doesn’t go all-out and do it for everyone. Be consistent, Probst! In any case, I’ll be filling in where he did not. Rounds 1 and 9 are the “Battle of the Blands”, as each tribe pits its most generic girl against one another, meaning Kelley will be fighting Jaclyn, and each battle is as bland as its name. Each wins one round, but Kelley’s clinching the final round gives victory to Hunah Poo-Poo, so good for her.

Next up is the “Battle of the Brothers”, as Drew and Alec face off. If you had no idea that this season REALLY wanted to recapture the original “Blood vs. Water”, than this challenge should clue you in, as Probst gives this challenge almost the same framing and commentary as the Aras/Vytas match. And, much like that match, the brother who historically came out on top, Drew, wins, though without the excitement of the original. Drew and Alec are too similar to have a real rivalry, plus the Aras/Vytas match at least gave us underhanded tactics to analyze.

Round 3 is once again men, a “Battle of the Firemen” if you will, as Jeremy takes on Wes. It’s actually a pretty uneventful one, other than me incorrectly guessing that Jeremy’s size would give him an edge, as Wes scores another point for Coyopa. Harder fought is round 4, the “Battle of the Women of Color” as Natalie goes up against Val. This match goes on longer, and has a lot of back and forth between the two, and ends on a memorable note. After narrowly winning, Natalie proclaims to Jeremy that his wife is badass. Yes, Natalie, we all agree.

Round 5 is a tiebreaker “Battle of the Johns”, and once again I’m surprised. Less is more, as the Jon who is smaller and has fewer letters in his name takes the title. Ok, John Rocker, your main assets were in strength, and you can’t even bring THAT to the table. He can, however, bring a broken nose, but I’m sure that’s the only injury we’ll see today, right?

Round 6 is the “Battle of Mother and Daughter” as Laura Morett takes on Ciera Eastin… I mean, Missy takes on Baylor. Seriously, just like the Drew/Alec match, they’re not hiding who they really want back. This match is easily the most memorable, though, as both swear they’ll think of Missy’s various exes to gain strength. There’s a “Scott Pilgrim” joke here, I’m just not sure what it is. Regardless, this strategy works a little too well, as Missy hits Baylor too hard out of the gate, and Baylor accidentally bites down on her lip, drawing blood, stopping the match for about a minute. Once it’s established that Baylor does not need medical, the play resumes, but understandably, seeing her daughter in pain is too much for Missy. She pulls back on her punches, and Baylor wins the round as a result. Despite being a good microcosm of what works on a “Blood vs. Water” season, this is the round that makes me question my liking of the challenge. Fascinating though they may be, challenges that cause injuries consistently are not a good thing. We like to see people last longer, and don’t want to see them beat up too much. The trouble is, the past few times this challenge has been done, there’ve been some serious injuries. Tyson Apostol unhinged his shoulder on the first “Survivor Blood vs. Water”, and now we have John’s nose and Baylor’s lip. I think maybe this challenge is going too far, and needs to be retried. Also, is it just me, or was the rule about “Two Hands on the Bag” no in effect this time? Only Probst didn’t seem to be calling people out much on it.

Round 7 is the “Battle of Broadway” as Neil Patrick Harris takes on Reed. Now, given his dashing good looks no one wants to sully, you’d think Neil Patrick Harris would have the edge, but one must not forget that Reed is secretly Spider-Man, and he does whatever a spider can. Evidently, spiders can sumo wrestle, as Reed overcomes an early deficit to score.

Finally, since Round 9 was already covered, Round 8 is a “Battle of the Geezers”, according to Wes, which mean Keith and Dale square off. Pretty boring match, once again, but a surprising outcome. Though you’d think those years of being a fireman would have helped, Keith loses out to Dale. Fortunately, Hunah Poo-Poo continues their winning streak.

Those early days of Exile Island do not seem to have done Val any favors, as now she and Jaclyn are on the outs of the tribe. Val, however, is one of the few smart women on this season, and will not go down so easily. Under the pretext of talking to John about his time with Jeremy, Val comes up with the lie that she found two idols at the camp, so both she and Jaclyn are protected. John says he’ll think about it, and while he does, I’ll say that while the lie itself is a bit preposterous, Val pulls it off well, and it is a smart move. She’s gone into Sandra Diaz-Twine (“Survivor Pearl Islands”) mode, and is doing everything in her power to keep herself and her ally around. It reminds me a lot of Sandra instilling paranoia in Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) during “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, and while Sandra’s lie was better, it’s still a good attempt, and if you’re going to emulate a survivor, Sandra’s a good choice.

It all seems to come undone, though, as John decides to have a rare moment on insight. He goes looking for the idol anyway, comes to the same conclusions I did about the clue, and, as the music foreshadows, finds it pretty quickly. Getting into aesthetics, I do like the immunity idol this season. It’s creepy looking, but small enough to hide, and the fact that it looks broken gives it a more authentic feel. I’m less happy that John found it, but I can’t control these things.

Of course, John ruins his moment of brilliance by NOT realizing that this means that Val has no idol, and instead tries to keep good on his deal with Jeremy, informing Val that the plan is to split the vote between her and Baylor. Val then realizes that all she and Jaclyn have to do is vote Baylor, and they’re in the clear. It seems like Val’s nice bit of strategy might actually work out. However, Josh is suspicious, and rightly so. He notes that John and Val have never gone off alone before, and so something must be up. I cringe at this, as it sounds like a catty, High School sort of thing to say (stick to your own clique), but it is good insight. Josh is turning out to be the major strategist at Coyopa, and I love it!

Tribal this time around is much more interesting. At the forefront of the discussion is the tribe’s losing streak, and so Josh open up with a long, entertaining Broadway metaphor for change. We then get some much-needed sniping from Val and Jaclyn. Cornered and on the outs, they attack Baylor for being a traitor, which is true, in a sense, but they also claim that Baylor spearheaded the Dale vote, which I do not get. I think the women are trying to get votes on their side with this story.

It’s time to vote, and happily, I’m not sure who’s going, as both players have had adequate screentime, and there’s reason for both plans to succeed. In the end, Josh changes his split vote to force a tie, and with no way out, the vote turns against Val, sending her home. From a viewer perspective, I’m incredibly disappointed. Val seems to be a pretty good strategist, who had the bad luck of being sent to Exile Island first, and so couldn’t bond well enough to last. How’s that for guilt? It could be argued that Jeremy’s winning of the first challenge caused his wife’s downfall. Why they went with her over Jaclyn is beyond me. I guess they judged her not as physically strong, since she lost her round, and Jaclyn at least won once. Still, from a strategy perspective, I get it. While strength is important, and Val is stronger than Baylor, Val was also the brains behind the minority, and getting rid of her made her less of a threat, particularly to Josh, who now has the sole claim to strategy on Coyopa. Additionally, as we saw at that Tribal Council, Val was rocking the boat, which is very bad in the early stages of the game.

Despite what the title of this blog might indicate, this was actually a great episode. While there are still a few people I dislike in this cast (John Rocker), the people I liked are becoming better and better, and the people I thought would be annoying are by and large improving. I’m still disappointed at the women this season, but I guess you can’t have everything. This episode, like the first, helped set up some conflict for the future (again, mostly around John Rocker), but also gave us some payoff. Particularly, the highlight of the season for me is Josh’s rise to power on Coyopa. It’s not what you’d expect with the tribe, and it’s a joy to watch. Add to that some pretty good challenges and you have a fine episode! It gets an “A” in my book. Until next week!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.