Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Jan Del Sur” Episode 6: Go Directly to Exile Island

Time for a little insider’s tip in entertainment blog writing: develop a theme. Especially when blogging a tv show, each season tends to develop a tone to it. Whether that season is remarkable, miserable, or somewhere in between, generally each season will not deviate from that tone. This makes them easy to blog, as you can keep that tone throughout the introduction to each episode, making life a lot easier for you, the blogger. However, in the rare event that an episode deviates from said tone, you’re screwed, and have to resort to some gimmicky trick to segway into the episode, such as giving your fellow bloggers a lesson in how to write introductions to each episode’s blog. Before I can give you an example of such a segway, though, we must pause for another edition of:

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Actually a relatively minor one this time around. Last episode, I listed several reasons why Jon and Jaclyn allying with Missy and Baylor over Kelley and Dale was a bad idea. However, I failed to list one of the biggest reasons why this was a bad idea, apart from the ones given last episode. Specifically, the number of times Baylor had voted the opposite way from Jaclyn. True, neither Missy nor Kelley had ever particularly voted WITH Jon, but there was nothing to indicate they eventually wanted him out. It was made VERY clear during Jaclyn’s time on the original Coyopa that Baylor was against Jaclyn. True, Baylor did vote with Jaclyn at their last Tribal Council, but that was due to the uniting factor of Neil Patrick Harris, and you’ll also recall that while he used her vote, he INTENTIONALLY excluded Jaclyn from that alliance. Call me crazy, but maybe you don’t want to ally long-term with the person who voted against you at multiple Tribal Councils! Now, I have heard via the internet that Jon’s justification was apparently that Kelley had been campaigning to get him out first, and by that I mean even before Drew. This does change things a bit, if true, but I have to ask, if that was true, why was it NEVER shown? I get that there’s limited time in the episodes, but I think you could take 30 seconds to get a clip of Kelley saying “Jon’s a threat. We should get him off.” Changes the whole tone of the conversation. And even if that is true, that was only talk. Baylor’s actions showed that she was against Jaclyn, and as with the rest of the world, actions speak louder than words. Still going with the “Bad Idea” side here.

But anyway, the actual episode starts, predictably enough, with Dale getting fairly emotional about the loss of Kelley. I’ll cut him a lot more slack than I usually do, as the parent/child bond is fairly strong, and one of the consequences of a “Blood vs. Water” twist is that things are going to be more emotional than normal. However, I draw the line at his continued gushing about how “proud” he is of Kelley. Yes Dale, be proud of your daughter. Be proud of how she coasted for 12 days making absolutely no impact on the game whatsoever, before getting surprisingly and unceremoniously voted out.

Snarking aside, Dale quickly gets back on his feet, and starts formulating a plan to save himself. “I’m not out until I hear my name read four times” he says, and I have to admire the upbeat attitude. It would be so easy to just roll over die, game wise, in this scenario. Dale, however, decides to pull out all his cards, and show Jon his “idol” that he found back in episode one. What’s this? Setting up plot points early in the season and then ignoring them? This is NOT the “Survivor” I am used to! In all seriousness, I LOVE the fact that this was set up so early, and the point of it was not driven into the ground. Point being, it assumes intelligence on the part of the viewer, and as an intelligent viewer, this pleases me. To make matters even better, Dale plays it up very well, pointing out to Jon that he’s safe for at least one vote. Predictably, this makes Jon want to turn on Keith (though regretfully, as he informs us), and thus greatly improves Dale’s chances of survival. One should not discount Dale’s acting ability either. He pulls this off just about perfectly, and he really jumps up in my estimation. The one nitpick I could have here is that he maybe played this card a bit too early. With a few days to think it over, it’s easier for them to figure out that Dale’s idol is a fake. Better to save it for the day of, when there’s less opportunity for others to figure out the lie. Still, Keith probably won’t be in on such discussions, and he’s the primary person who could call “shenanigans”, so it’s a minor nitpick (I would also call out Dale not parlaying this into a long-term deal, as there’s no point in not parlaying a fake idol, as opposed to a real one, but Dale does this later, so I let it slide).

Determined to get ALL the advertised plot-points out of the way early, we cut over to Hunah Poo-Poo, who are all bemoaning the lack of rice, and what they’ll have to trade for it. Jeremy in particular is complaining, but not about the lack of food. His argument, not unfairly, is that Jeff’s price will be fairly high, and you can live without food. Besides, they could win a reward challenge and get food, which would make the trade pointless. Hate to say it, but I pretty categorically disagree with Jeremy on this point. Unless the trade is that you have to go to Tribal Council (which is unlikely), Jeff can’t take anything from you that you can’t make some facsimile of yourselves (i.e. shelter). By contrast, you can’t live without food, and as Jeff himself points out, their large eating habits are part of the reason they were winning. A food reward, if one comes, might help, but as Kalabaw demonstrated on “Survivor Philippines”, a temporary boost is not as helpful as one expects. I cut Jeremy a bit of slack, as it sounds like he’s been listening to a lot of complaining lately, and I don’t think he takes it well, and he does at least confine his opinion largely to private confessionals, meaning this opinion probably won’t hurt him. I also give him credit for not making the “We’re close to the merge.” argument, which while a fair argument, always annoys me. Predictable as the merge has become (and, in fact, Jeremy WOULD have been right with the “merge is around the corner” argument), you can’t assume anything on “Survivor” and playing for the merge is a strategy that can easily backfire.

Probst shows up before too long, and gives Hunah Poo-Poo a stern talking-to about their patheticness, comparing them unfavorably to the Barramundi Tribe of “Survivor The Australian Outback”. They accept this, but Reed goes on the “Blame the people who aren’t here” game, though given what we’ve seen of Missy’s serving habits, he may be telling the truth. He does bring up a good point, though, as to why no one wanted to speak up against this plan: that early on it would give people too much of a target. The explanation seems logical, so I’ll take it as true, barring further evidence.

As predicted, Probst says he’ll give Hunah Poo-Poo another supply of rice, but they have to give him their comfort reward, as well as a pot, hatchet, hammer, and one of their flints. This will leave Hunah Poo-Poo with only their new rice, one pot, their shelter, a flint, a machete, and the remaining pot. A bit steeper than what was predicted, but pretty fair. The only real losses Hunah Poo-Poo suffers from this trade are the tarp and the hatchet, and in each case you can come up with a substitute. The machete can do what the hatchet can do, and while not as good as a tarp, thickly layered palm fronds can do wonders for keeping you dry. Even so, Probst can be haggled with, and so it’s worth Hunah Poo-Poo’s while to discuss the deal. Hence, they get up, seem to congregate and… immediately start tearing down their camp. Oh well, like I said, it’s not a bad deal, although Jeremy is still fairly unhappy with it. At least he knew enough to just go along with the plan and not make waves, one small outburst at Alec notwithstanding.

“Hope it doesn’t rain!” Probst calls out ironically, as he drags away the comfort of Hunah Poo-Poo. It’s moments like these that Probst lives for, and you know it. It’s “Survivor”. There’s always going to be rain. He’s just tormenting them.

We head over to the reward challenge, where Natalie and Julie do a poor job at hiding how upset they are that Kelley is gone, as she was their ally. We don’t dwell on it for very long, though, presumably because there are fewer intense emotions that can be wrung out of it from Probst’s standpoint. As to the reward challenge itself, it’s a repeat through and through, but at least it’s one we haven’t seen in a while. One person from each tribe will navigate through a wood tunnel, blindfolded, to untie three bags of puzzle pieces. While doing so, they also feel a raised demonstration puzzle at the end. Once they have all three bags back, they must then reassemble the puzzle purely by feel. This challenge was first seen in “Survivor Gabon”, and has been rarely seen since, so it’s been long enough that I’m ok with it. Helping this challenge is just how tough it is. Admittedly, the tunnel is kind of lackluster, evidenced by how fast and relatively injury-free the people running the challenge get through it, but these puzzles are incredibly difficult, particularly given that there are “dummy pieces” that fit the puzzle, but aren’t exactly right, and the tribe cannot call out help on this challenge. The reward this time is not a choice, unfortunately, but is a pretty good one. A grill with steak and chicken kebabs, just the stuff that Jeremy was foreshadowing. I sarcastically say “Didn’t see that one coming!”

With only one pair of loved ones separated by tribe, Ancient Mayan Rock-Paper-Scissors goes the way of the Ancient Maya, and each tribe not puts up whomever they think would run the challenge the best. Reed goes up for Hunah Poo-Poo, while Baylor takes the stand for Coyopa, and I really can’t complain about any of these choices. Baylor is small and limber, so will fit through the challenge easily. Reed, meanwhile, is Spider-Man, and is therefore flexible. Also, he’s been the main “Puzzle Guy” of the season, so it makes sense to put him in the challenge.
Even so, it’s a close race, which Reed pulls out by giving a fantastic performance on the puzzle, getting only one piece wrong, and then correcting it before calling it to Probst. Seriously, that was a godly performance, and the man deserves all the credit in the world for doing so. During the challenge, we also see that Probst is on a tormenting role, reminding Reed and Baylor how EASY the puzzle would be if only they could see the pieces, due to the wrong ones being colored red.

With Reed’s win, Baylor is going to go to Exile Island, and now Reed must choose someone from his own tribe to go with her. He starts to say Julie, justifying it as another “Fuck You” to John Rocker, by proving that his wife is ok alone, before Natalie states that she was going to volunteer. Probst, hearing this info, give Reed the opportunity to make a definitive call, which he switches to Natalie. Frankly, this was a good call on Reed’s part. Unless you have reason to suspect ulterior motives to “I can handle it.”, which Reed does not at this point, if someone wants to go to Exile Island, you let them. It makes for less bad blood later. On top of that, from Reed’s perspective, you don’t want any of the former Coyopa going to Exile Island, as they could potentially reconnect with Baylor. Admittedly, if he is with Wes, Alec, and Neil Patrick Harris, this could be a bad move, but he can justify it by saying he didn’t want her around messing up their strategy. Good play, my man.

As they leave, and back at Coyopa, Missy comments on how she now KNOWS that Natalie is on her side, and will be allied with them until the end. I CRINGED when I first heard this, and it doesn’t sit very well with me even now. You don’t want to have that degree of certainty in an alliance across tribes. Such alliances are far too fragile. However, my initial reaction is tempered somewhat by remembering that Missy and Natalie were initially both Hunah Poo-Poo, and that they were allied via Jeremy. While I still say the certainty is too high, this conclusion does at least make more sense now.

Missy’s position is supported by the scene we get at Exile Island. As it turned out, Natalie DID have an ulterior motive for going to Exile Island, and it WAS to make a bond with Baylor and Missy. This way, come the merge, the two will be inclined to protect her, thus helping her chances in the game. She parlays this trip further when Baylor ends up with the clue, shares it with Natalie, and she talks about how she and Jeremy can totally find it together. In other words, Natalie has used going to Exile Island as a means to get better protection for both herself and her ally, and possibly set up a new alliance for the future. I have to admit, this is some pretty impressive gameplay. Natalie is doing much, much better than I expected, and I’m now loving watching her. Plus, this gives us a good woman strategist, something this season has been sorely lacking in.

Hunah Poo-Poo, meanwhile, celebrates their reward and their food, Jeremy enjoying himself, but giving a bit of an “I told you so.” confessional. I still like the guy, I’m still rooting for him, and I still think he’s a good strategist, but I have to admit, he is fairly negative. Along with this rant is complaining about how lovey-dovey Reed and Neil Patrick Harris are over each other, and how they act like they run the place. I don’t think Jeremy is taking well to not being in charge. Enough with the negativity, though, let’s get some positive thoughts here, with our resident nice dumb guy, Alec:

“I’m a meat lover!”

Truly, more erudite thoughts were never before expressed. So glad we kept him around.

The prophecies of Jeremy come true, however, as a torrential rainstorm bombards the camp later that day, and despite their having an adequate shelter, Hunah Poo-Poo still gets soaked. Presumably Coyopa does as well, but there’s no dramatic irony in that, so we don’t see it. Plus, it leads to another breakdown, though thankfully with no #survivorbreakdown attached. Julie finally betrays her true colors, complaining about how much this sucks after but one night of rain, and threatening to quit the game. Jeremy, in his best move of the evening, manages to talk her out of it, in a very socially sensitive and smart way. He acknowledges her feelings, but tries to impress on her how it’ll get better, and he needs her. Julie seems down even so, but no longer wants to quit, so score one for Jeremy this time.

Ok, the reward challenge could get away with being a rehash, but I draw the line at the immunity challenge. It. Just. Sucks. Basically, the tribes go over a wall (not even a sheer wall, it has rungs), before pushing a hollow cube along a straight road, stopping periodically to climb on top and retrieve bags containing flag parts from what look like gallows. Once they have all three bags, two members of each tribe race to put together a flag, the first tribe to put their flag entirely together wins immunity. This challenge, is simple, boring, and a combination of several challenges from the past. Climbing walls originated on “Survivor Borneo”, the cube (which I would add is much easier to push in this version) comes from “Survivor Tocantins”, the gallows originated in “Survivor Fiji”, and the puzzle is from “Survivor Philippines”. There’s just no good way to look at this one. I guess we’ll have to rely on the tension about who will win to make this challenge exciting.

Oh, wait, scratch that, it was totally ruined by a shot of Jon clapping Keith on the shoulders around the words “Wins Immunity”, which they’d only show us if Keith was in danger after the outcome of this challenge, meaning Coyopa is going to lose. AGAIN! Seriously, this plot line is getting old. Oh well, at least they give us some tension by having Hunah Poo-Poo fall behind early due to Jeremy getting one of the bags tangled, while Jon turns out to be a master at tossing bags around springs. However, this challenge involves a puzzle, and now that both Reed and Josh are on Hunah Poo-Poo, Coyopa is pretty well screwed in the realm of puzzles. Sure enough, they lose, big surprise.

Back at Coyopa, Dale realizes what I realized earlier, which is that with a fake idol, you really need to parlay to a long-term alliance, as simply splitting the vote may not be enough. As such, Dale promises that if he’s spared and put in a long-term alliance, he’ll give Jon his idol after the vote. This is a PHENOMENAL move by Dale, as it loses him nothing and potentially gains him an alliance. He frames it really well, saying that he’d rather have it be used for the good of all come the merge. Jon agrees, and tells him they’ll vote off Missy. However, he also tells Missy and Baylor that Dale has an idol. This gets them to split their votes. Keith, Jon, and Jaclyn will keep on Dale, in case he doesn’t play his idol, while Missy and Baylor will switch to Keith, in case he does. This gives Jon and Jaclyn all the power, as they can now vote for either Missy or Dale, and they’ll go home. I’ll admit, it’s a tough choice. Of course we, the audience, know the obvious choice is to go for Dale, since he’s outside the alliance, a shrewd player, and his main draw, the hidden immunity idol, is a fake, and therefore there is no benefit to going with Dale. Thanks to Dale’s forward thinking, though, it’s a convincing immunity idol, and so there is debate. Overall, though, even not knowing Dale’s idol is fake, I still think it’s better to stick with Missy and Baylor. While Missy’s connections on the other side are worrisome, particularly as the merge is probably soon (while making definitive statements about the merge is bad, I’ll admit there’s a time to start thinking and making moves based on it, and thus I’m ok with that thinking here), you’d alienate a bunch of potential allies by betraying two alliances in as many Tribal Councils. Plus, you’d leave a LOT more singles in the game, which is bad if you want to stick together.

I hesitate to say that this Tribal Council is boring, but I also can’t say that it’s particularly memorable. They touch upon the hardships of having a loved one voted out, and the strategy of this vote. While the misdirection has been pretty lackluster this episode, this is one area where it succeeds. There’s reasons for each side to go home, so it’s good. Ultimately, for once, sense wins out, and Dale is sent home. I’ll admit, unlike a lot of other votes this season, something of value was lost. Dale was a pretty shrewd player, and always fun to watch, and so I’ll miss him. Have to say, though, if I was in Jon’s shoes, I would have done the same thing. Why did I not say Jaclyn’s shoes as well? Frankly, given what I’ve seen this episode, I have no illusions as to Jaclyn having any agency in the alliance. It’s all Jon, all the way.

Still, if I haven’t been quite clear, this is my favorite episode of the season thus far. Sub-par challenges aside, there was a LOT of brilliant strategy this episode, and it managed to pay off old storylines as well as setting up ones for the future. Why, I’d dare say an episode of this caliber deserves a

TOP 3 AND BOTTOM 3!

In honor of the regrettable exit of Dale, I’m going to talk about fake idols this week. They’ve been a staple of “Survivor” pretty much since the hidden immunity idol was introduced. Points will be given both for the creativity of the idol/how convincing it is, and how it was used. Now, you may ask why it is that this is “Top 3and Bottom 3” as opposed to the usual “Top 5 and Bottom 5”. The answer is simply that, despite how much of a staple it is, there have actually only been 8 fake idols of note, and as such, a list of 10 is not feasible. Instead, this will be a list of 6, with no Honorable Mentions. As per usual, we begin with the:

TOP 3:

3. “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”: Stretching the definition of “Fake Idol” just a little bit, I award the first top spot to Rupert Boneham’s rock from the season. While not used like the traditional fake idol, in that it was not a facsimile created by the finder of a true idol, it does count. If you’ve forgotten, Rupert, in an attempt to save himself as the Heroes were getting decimated post-merge, looked for an idol after Probst announced its existence after a challenge. Failing to find it, he put a rock in his pocket, hoping the extra weight would make it look like he had an idol, and thus get the votes off of him. The plan worked, to an extreme that even Rupert could not have anticipated. Paranoid Russell Hantz fell for it hook, line, and sinker, causing the votes to be split between Rupert and Candice Woodcock. Then, Rupert and Colby Donaldson turned their votes on Candice, securing Rupert another three days. A masterful play in how underplayed it was, and I particularly love that it was the supposedly “stupid” Rupert who pulled on over on the supposedly “smart” Russell Hantz. Makes me laugh every time. It misses being higher only due its plainness, and the fact that it could be argued that it’s not actually a fake idol, for the reasons given earlier.

2. “Survivor China”: Again, not one that was made, but one that was found. This season had the idol be an object in plain sight at camp, but there happened to be two such objects. One, which had writing on the back, was the real one, and one had only plain wood, denoting it a fake. James Clement had found both real ones, but Jamie Dugan found a wrong one James had discarded. Finding herself in trouble come the merge, she played it, marking the first instance a fake idol was ever actually played. In contrast to Rupert, this idol looks cool, but served little purpose to the game, apart from a bit of hilarity at Tribal Council. Even so, I remember that Tribal Council fondly, enough to give this idol the number 2 spot.

1. “Survivor Gabon”: Was this ever really a contest? Out of practically nothing, Bob Crowley managed to create an idol that was incredibly convincing, and used it not once, but twice, to split votes, get himself further, and humiliate Randy Bailey. All worthy goals, given how much of a jackass Randy was, so it’s not even much of a contest.

BOTTOM 3:

3. “Survivor San Juan Del Sur”; I wanted to put this one on the “Top” list, I really did. But space was limited, and frankly, although this one looked good, and was theoretically used correctly, it technically has to go on the bottom. This is a game about results, and while Dale did his best, ultimately the idol came to nothing. While it does look incredibly convincing, almost no effort was put into it, so I can’t really call it a “Top 3” fake idol. Still, props to Dale for effort. A few more spaces, and this definitely would have been on the “Top” list.

2. “Survivor Micronesia”: In the immortal words of Eliza Orlins, “It can’t be the idol. IT’S A FREAKING STICK!” Literally just a stick with a smiley face carved onto it, this idol displayed little effort, and served no purpose other than to draw out the real idol at Tribal Council. That might strike someone as a good use, but consider that the idol was drawn out of THE PERSON WHO MADE THE FAKE! Not something you want revealed. On the other hand, the stick was wrapped in paper, which makes a difference, and could have been seen as a sort of “Swiss Family Robinson” type idol. In either case, it’s more effort than was given to the number one worst fake idol.

1. “Survivor Fiji”: What’s lazier than a stick with a smiley face carved into it? Half a coconut with a smiley face and the words “Hidden Immunity Idol” painted on it. An idol so ludicrous, I can’t believe anyone would play it. Which they didn’t. Because it was never found. It looks lame, it came to nothing, this is clearly the worst fake idol. Plus, “Survivor Fiji” was an awful season, and I like blaming it for things.
Short thought that list was, I hope you enjoyed it! Next week looks to be chaotically strategic, so this season may turn around just yet!
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Blood vs. Water” Episode 7: I’m Your Vytas, Snuff Your Fire

Kat must be having an adverse effect on me.  A fantastic, unpredictable episode with great strategy, and all I can think about is how it left a bad taste in my mouth.  I’m inclined to blame Probst for this, but let’s take a closer look at the episode, and see if the blame’s warranted (spoiler alert: it is).

As per the norm these days, we start off at Redemption Islands, where Kat is complimenting herself on not crying this time.  Give it time, my dear, give it time.  Laura M. and John try to give her some consolation, but it seems that what Kat is really worried about is whether or not Hayden will still want to go out with her, due to the logic that “No one wants to date someone who didn’t make the merge.”  Well, my dear, Spencer Duhm (“Survivor Tocantins”) might disagree with you on that point.  Maybe you should chat with him.  Still, this interview perfectly demonstrates why it is that Kat is an insult to the game of “Survivor”: she blatantly doesn’t care.  I’m not saying I want her to start crying again, but she should be a bit more upset about losing the game than worrying illogically about losing her boyfriend.  Dear, this is not the sort of thing people break up over.  And if they do, well, then they’re pathetic, shallow, and definitely not worth your time.  Keep a stiff upper lip.

Hmm, that’s odd, the forecast didn’t call for rain this episode.  I wonder why it’s so wet?  Ah yes, Kat’s crying again.  Oh goody, the thing you said you weren’t going to do!  Please leave as soon as possible.

As if on command, we head over to the Redemption Island duel, where Hayden is understandably put out that Kat was voted off.  After a nice hug and confirmation that Hayden is NOT a ginormous douchebag (he says he won’t break up with Kat over this), Kat repays Hayden’s kindness by saying that the two of them would have played together come the merge.  Gee, Kat, great way to put a target on Hayden’s back, should you survive today’s duel.  Speaking of which, we get to the duel, right?  Right?  Please?

No, we have to endure the great sin of this episode: Probst overstepping his boundaries.  Hayden makes the grandiose statement that his love for Kat is worth more than the game.  Probst challenges him on that statement by saying he can prove that right now by switching with Kat, and taking the challenge himself.  Of course,
a cliffhanger this good needs a commercial, so I’ll use this time to talk about my issue with Probst here.

Probst has two jobs on “Survivor”: He serves as the audience surrogate/commentator, by making observations, asking questions we want the answer to, and making things a bit clearer, particularly with regards to challenges.  His second job is to ask poignant questions to get people thinking, hopefully stirring up some drama at Tribal Council.  I can also understand why he went to where he did: this could arguably fall under “inadvertently stir up trouble” category, and with a lead-in like Hayden’s, it’s very tempting.  My problem here is that Probst has gone from inadvertently influencing the game to try and get people to think, to directly influencing the outcome of certain events.  For all that Probst’s questions are meant to cause trouble, it could be argued that he’s just an innocent bystander, and that his questions are not directed toward any one outcome.  Here, Probst is DIRECTLY influencing the game by challenging Hayden’s relationship, in a sense, trying to ruin Hayden’s game for the sake of drama.  This is clearly NOT what Probst is supposed to be doing, and to top it all off, it’s taking the show in the “How many relationships can we destroy?” direction that I despise and fear.  I have the utmost respect for Probst overall.  When he’s on form, which is most of the time, he nails being the host, and no one could ever really replace him in my eyes.  However, this goes way too far, and is a major contributing factor in my dislike of this particular episode.

The one saving grace of this whole matter is that it doesn’t work.  Like many great plans, it is ruined by Kat opening her mouth.  She asks Hayden how he’s doing in the game, to which he replies “Not bad.” (a fair assessment).  This makes Probst turn his attention to Kat, thus taking the pressure off Hayden to ruin his game for no reason other than a challenge to it by Probst.  Probt asks Kat WHY she might want Hayden to switch with her, to which she replies that he’d be better at the duel than she would be, because she sucks at puzzles.  Say what you will about Kat, at least she’s become self-aware.  Hayden decides to talk it out with her, which is a smart move, as it makes him able to make the point of  “I have a better shot in this game than you do.” without being blunt about it, and without sounding like an ass.  Taking this to heart, Kat decides to play, a good decision for them as a pair, but not for Kat.

Oh, I suppose I have to talk about the challenge now.  Once again, it’s a hybrid rehash, combining the “Chop a rope to get puzzle pieces” element first seen in “Survivor Guatemala” with the fire puzzle element from the final episode of “Survivor Caramoan”, thus giving Probst a chance to give Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”) another plug.  There’s another problem, Probst: I like Cochran a lot, but you should focus on the players from THIS season, not the one immediately before it.  Still, while it’s a simple challenge, the puzzle is nice and difficult, one that I particularly like, and the most I can muster is a “meh” in the general direction of this challenge.

Quite predictably, Kat loses, and I’m not sorry to see her go.  She was whiny, brought nothing to the game, and was, quite frankly, an insult.  May she never be brought back again.

Fallout from Kat’s exit comes in the form of Hayden, who’s understandably broken up by his loss, but looks on the bright side: now he can play his own game.  And play he can, as Tyson has his own designs, forming an alliance with himself, Gervase, Hayden, Caleb, and Ciera to the final 5, the goal being to split up Aras and Super Vytas, who will apparently enter into a good-and-evil alliance come the merge, to dominate the entire island.  With the merge evidently drawing closer (and is in fact imminent, as evidenced by the “Next Time On” segment), it’s time to start targeting the bigger threats than you, and while I think the original alliance is overall more solid and trustworthy, if only because with returnees you have a better idea of what their play-style is, it’s always good to keep your options open. Acting on it pre-merge might be a bit much (put Tina and Monica against you that early?  Bad idea.), but with the way things are now, it’s a good move.

Still, for all that he’s not the most interesting character, Aras is no dummy.  While his strategy on “Survivor Exile Island” might have won more by a fluke than anything, in my opinion, that doesn’t make it a bad strategy on it’s .  There’s no way Aras can’t tell something’s up, particularly when he offers the tribe a meditation session and they send him off on his own, right?  He’s gotta see what’s going on, right?

Not if the interviews are to be believed!  Played hilariously close to Tyson’s betrayal is Aras’ confession about how happy he is that he’s in such a good position, with allies he can trust.  Aras, was Kat’s stupidity on Galang contagious?  You can’t seriously be that deluded.  But evidently he can, and I feel great shame for Aras.  The poor guy is toast.

Meanwhile, at Galang, Super Vytas is making use of his unique ability to exude super-pheremones.  Or, at least, Tina wishes he would do that.  Super Vytas, while seeming to take an interest in this mild-mannered hedge fund support worker, is really just exuding a friendly bond with the only other loved one on Galang, while Tina mothers her and wishes for Grandchildren.  On the one hand, this is very sweet, but on the other hand, it makes Katie, who’s been very quiet up until this point, seem like even more of a non-entity.  Very bad from a viewer’s perspective.

Just because he’s not exuding pheromones, though, doesn’t mean Super Vytas isn’t exuding OTHER things.  No, Super Vytas, evidently having drained intelligence from Aras-Man during their last encounter, is turning on his Super Charm, an ability based upon his backstory that turns everyone’s brain in the vicinity to mush, so that they both love him and buy his blatant lies.  Really, Super Vytas, the hardest part of the whole game is being dishonest?  Please.

Turning on the serious for the moment, though, I must give Super Vytas tons of credit, he is playing hard and well!  I can’t say I’d buy his spiel if I were out there, but he’s managing to gain the women’s trust despite having been on the outs from the get-go, and he’s quite good at keeping his head down.  Overall, he’s doing AMAZINGLY well, all things considered.  If anything, he seems to be taking a leaf out of the Chris Daugherty (“Survivor Vanuatu”) book of strategy, and given that Chris is, in my opinion, one of the smartest and most deserving winners of the game ever, I can’t really complain.

CHALLEBNGE TIME!  And John Kirhoffer, I must say you’re stepping up your game!  Two original non-Redemption Challenges in a row, this I can get behind!  Four Tribe members are chained together at the ankles, and the two on the ends have a hand chained to a spiral.  Once they’re undone their hand from the spiral, the four must then walk through a series of bamboo steps and crawls, undoing bags of chains and balls along the way.  Once they’re reached the end, the remaining tribe member will then attach balls to chains, and attempt to throw them around a series of posts.  First tribe to land 3 ball-and-chains on the posts win immunity and a fried chicken feast.  Kind of a step down from steak in my opinion, but what’re you going to do?  While this challenge still technically isn’t entirely original, as bamboo crawls, throwing things on posts, and being chained together are all “Survivor” staples, we’ve never seen them thrown together like this, and the added addition of the “undo your hand from the spiral” bit was a major plus.  On top of that, this challenge got a lot more physical than I would have anticipated, but in a good way, and I always enjoy a challenge where you need to take elements from the challenge and construct them into a new element for the challenge, like with the balls and chains, so I’m well pleased all things considered.

Despite a declaration from Galang that they will win for Vytas’ sake, Tina’s throwing skills just can’t quite match Tyson’s, and Tadhana goes off in triumph to pig out under Tyson’s gloating.  Let’s face it, unless there’s an idol clue involved, not a lot happens when the winners feast, so let’s see how Galang’s getting along.

Yes, it seems that Laura “Bonehammer” Boneham has taken a particular liking to Vytas.  So much so that while she still has to kill him, but she’ll kill him with kindness.  She publicly and tearfully declares that Vytas is the next to go, which Vytas seems somewhat miffed about, but takes it in stride.  Laura B. admits that this might not have been the smartest move she could have made, but it felt good, and might net her a leadership position in the long run.

Irony, however, is a cruel mistress, and we see that Laura’s move may have in fact backfired on her.  Monica in particular is miffed that she wasn’t included in any discussion of whether or not to tell Vytas, and says it makes Laura untrustworthy.  Katie agrees, and takes the idea to Tina, who’s a bit hesitant, but is not immune to the possibility, even telling Vytas to give him some hope.  I have to admit, at first, I was not wild on a strategic level about voting out Laura over Vytas.  This was the first time Laura’s done something like this, that’s maybe being a bit harsh, and on top of that, there’s no way she sides with the old Tadhana, whereas Vytas could easily go back and reunite them.  But then I got to thinking about it a bit more, and realized that it’s the smart move for everyone except Monica.  Now’s the right time to start thinking about the merge (at least from an outsider’s perspective), and even in Laura Morett makes it back into the game (and the smart money’s on her, I’d say), that’s only 3 couples still intact if Vytas survives, two if he doesn’t.  That’s a huge target on all couples, one of these being Tina and Katie.  If Vytas goes, and John ends up coming back, that puts large targets on both of their backs.  If, however, Vytas remains in the game, then he and Aras are the couple to beat, by everyone’s standards.  This is a great deal of safety in a tempestuous time in the game, and a very good strategy.  Plus for Katie, it has the added bonus of another safety net for her should the merge not occur when they think it will.

Still, even I’m clueless as to who will go as we march off to Tribal Council.  Probst goes right for the jugular this time, getting at Laura about strategizing at camp.  Talk turns to, and focuses solely on, Vytas vs. Laura B for elimination, and here’s another part that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  I can’t say exactly what it was, but something about Probst’s demeanor was off tonight.  He was a little too personal, a little too cutthroat, and I just didn’t like it.  Still, he does a good job hiding who’s going, until he asks Laura a question that makes her make an offhand comment about how winners are a threat, which gets Tina, as a former winner, on edge.  At that point it’s all downhill, the suspense is killed dead, thus making the episode worse, and Laura goes home.  While on a personal level I’m disappointed, as it seems that the chances of a Boneham taking home the prize now seem minimal, I can’t say I’m sorry to see Laura B. go.  She wasn’t the worst character, but she was very one note and brought little to the game, whereas I’m liking Vytas more and more with each episode.  So if one of them had to go, I guess better her than Vytas.

You, however, shouldn’t go anywhere, as it’s once again time for another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

Yeah, been a while since we’ve seen one of these, huh?  Well, the truth is, while this season has been pretty good, certainly surpassing my expectations, nothing in it has been so earth-shattering that it’s merited a list.  One could argue that since the merge is next week, and I usually do one at the merge, I should save it, but I don’t think we’ve quite hit our quota yet.  As there was nothing particularly good that was NEW to this episode, this season won’t be appearing on the list.  However, I said I quite liked the Redemption Island puzzle, and that’s a good a subject as any.  This is my list of the best, and worst, “Survivor” puzzles!

 

TOP 5

5. Fire Puzzle (“Survivor Caramoan”): While this might seem a bit low, there’s a lot of good puzzles out there.  Still, to its credit, this puzzle was difficult, unique, vertical (something we don’t often see, which is a plus), and difficult enough to be very enjoyable.

4. Battering Ram Maze (“Survivor China”): As I said earlier, I love it when challenges use elements from earlier in the challenge in a new way, and the battering ram maze was a great example of that.  It does lose some points for being a bit on the easy side, but it was still a lot of fun, and a great idea.

3. Sliding Cloth Puzzle (“Survivor Marquesas”): An oldie, but a goodie, and definitely one of “Survivor”’s more unique challenge ideas, this challenge had people sliding a large net of cloth around, strip by strip, to make a picture displayed by Probst for immunity.  Another deceptively simple one, I think I like this one mostly because it was “Survivor” working with different material than we’d previously seen.  It was also hilarious to watch Maraamu crumble during that challenge.

2. Compass (“Survivor Cook Islands”): While not the most exciting puzzle to look at, difficulty does count on this list, and the compass, simply put, was one of the most difficult challenges ever devised by the show.  Kudos there.

1. Counting Combinations (“Survivor Exile Island”): Rarely will I say Exile Island had the best anything, but this was an awesome puzzle.  Combination locks were nothing new on “Survivor”.  Nor, particularly, were memory challenges.  Combine the two, however, and you have a tense, demanding challenge that can’t be beat in my book!

Honorable Mention: Math Riddle (“Survivor Gabon”): Another one high up on the difficulty level, it only stays off the list proper because it didn’t feel very “Survivor”.  I do like the idea of brain teasers on “Survivor” though, and wish they’d come up more often.

 

BOTTOM 5

 

5. Build the Archaeology Tent (“Survivor Guatemala”): Have to admit, even I’m not sure why I don’t like this one.  It’s a unique puzzle, somewhat challenging, and certainly fits the theme of the season.  I guess the only thing negative I can say about it is that the general name of the concept just seemed lame.  Still, not a bad idea over all, which is why it sits at number 5.

4. Memory Match (“Survivor One World”): Normally I’m a fan of memory challenges, but this one just didn’t seem challenging enough.  I liked the element of having to decide when to stop people looking, and we did get some funny back and forth between Kat and Troyzan.  But, as I’ve said before, I just don’t find such challenges difficult enough.

3. Word Scramble (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Feel like I’m beating a dead horse here!  Once again, a case of glad they tried something new, but seemed un-“Survivor” and wasn’t challenging enough.

2. Logo Puzzles (“Survivor Samoa”): Now this is being a bit harsh, as “Survivor Samoa” was not the only offender in this category.  It was, however, the first.  Traditional-style puzzles are nothing new to “Survivor”, and while they don’t stand out, they’re normally not bad either, and the production team can be very creative with what they put on them.  However, in recent years, they’ve taken to it just being the logo for the season, which gets old really fast, and is one of the less-challenging iterations of said puzzle.

1. Counting 1-100 (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Yeah, you all knew this was coming, so I don’t need to rant long about it.  It’s a simple, stupid challenge that has no business being on “Survivor”.

Honorable Mention: Flag Billboard (“Survivor South Pacific”): This one would have gotten a pass from me as just a less-memorable one, but only having 6 simple pieces, plus the help of tribemates who could see the whole picture really drag this one down.

 

Well, perhaps the merge will perk me up again…

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.