“Survivor” What-Ifs?: Marquesas

So yeah, it’s been a while….

To those of you still here, or coming back to read this, thank you.  My promises of a productive off-season have clearly been shot at this point.  In my defense, I’ve had a rough few months at work, and that plus the lack of new “Survivor” news killed a lot of my incentive to use my free time to talk about all things “Survivor” (as a side note, perhaps it’s the restart of season production that has incentivized me to get back on the horse).  But from an outsider’s perspective, I get that doesn’t matter.  I said there would be more off-season content than there has been, and even left a six-month gap or so with no new content.  For that, I’m sorry, and thanks for sticking with me/coming back.  I hope to do better moving forward.  Maybe not weekly content, but hopefully at least one new blog a month up until we start getting solid information/content about the newest seasons.  

Given the gap between blogs, I think a quick refresher of what this one entails is in order.  This is “Survivor What-Ifs?”, a speculative blog where I go back and change one small moment in “Survivor” history.  I then discuss the impact this change would have on the course of all seasons that came after it, dividing my analysis up into three sections: The Impact, where I discuss what specifically I’m changing in the timeline and any changes that happen within the same episode as a result; The Fallout, where I discuss how that change impacts the rest of the season the change occurs in; and The Legacy, where I discuss how this change impacts the seasons that came after.  How much detail each section gets varies depending on where in the timeline said change takes place.  For example, the change we’ll be discussing today takes place near the end of the season, so The Impact and The Fallout will be shorter but have more specifics in them.  Conversely, The Legacy will be longer, but be more of a generalization than the other two sections.  

All this leads into the usual reminder that there will be SPOILERS ahead.  It’s rather difficult to talk about how a timeline differs from our own without referencing our own timeline.  I’ll mainly be discussing the outcome of “Survivor Marquesas” in this blog, but other seasons may be mentioned in The Legacy, so if you want to be safe, maybe don’t read ahead until you’ve seen all seasons from Marquesas on.  With all that business out of the way, let’s go ahead and dive into the change with…

THE IMPACT

Marquesas is an interesting place to shake up the timeline in, as it’s a season with a lot of mixed opinions.  Some find that it’s an underrated gem of a season; others find it decent, but nothing to write home about.  For myself, I kind of fall somewhere in the middle.  From a strategic standpoint, it’s a VERY important season, delivering us the first full alliance-flip, as well as Vecepia’s innovative strategy for the “Fallen Comrades” challenge that got it discontinued from the show.  I fully acknowledge and respect this.  That said, for my money, while important things HAPPEN, on the season, the PEOPLE they happen to by and large aren’t that interesting to watch from a viewership perspective.  Oh, the season has some great characters to be sure.  Kathy Vavrick-O’Brien is a treat, and both Sean Rector and John Carroll are underrated gems who deserve another shot in the game.  But most of the big characters go out pre-merge, in part, I think, due to the losing Maraamu tribe being stacked in terms of characters.  They were definitely the more fun tribe to watch, but their early losses meant most of the big characters went out early, thus leaving us with an inoffensive, but overall not that dynamic, merge cast.  Put another way, I feel like our timeline of Marquesas is what “Survivor Exile Island” would have been like if the La Mina/Casaya wins and losses had been flipped.  There would have been nothing WRONG with La Mina dominating the merge and post game, and interesting strategy would doubtless still occur, but we would have lost most of the fun people to watch along the way.  

Well, now that I’ve talked up how the pre-merge of Marquesas kind of torpedoes a lot of the good of the season, let’s make a change as far away from the pre-merge as possible!  When I say we’re making a change near the end of the season, I mean the VERY end of the season.  We’re going back to most of the way through the finale, at the Final 3 Immunity Challenge.  Those of you who have seen the season will recall the dominance that was and is Kathy.  She was the audience favorite, and also the favorite to win the challenge, having won several immunities and rewards by this point.  Not that Vecepia and Neleh weren’t good competitors, but Kathy was just in another league.  However, as Kathy herself put it, she lost her focus for a second, slipped, and fell out of the challenge.  At that point, Vecepia made the obvious play and made a deal with Neleh to step down, since neither one of them wanted to take Kathy to the end at that point.  Why waste the time, after all?  A perfectly logical and rational decision, but one that eliminates the last exciting person left from a television viewer perspective.  

So, for our change, let’s let Kathy keep her focus.  Let’s let her keep her head in the game, and not make the slip-up which cost her immunity and the game as a whole.  What happens in the timeline where Kathy stays 100% focussed on the challenge at hand 100% of the time?

THE FALLOUT

Kathy wins.  Yeah, shocker, I know.  Real hot take from the guy who’s been gone for six months.  It take you that long to think through that complex scenario, genius?  

But seriously, whether you’re talking about the challenge or the game, Kathy keeping her focus in that final immunity challenge wins her everything.  She was the favorite to win the challenge for a reason, and I’m not one to go against the odds.  Who she takes to the end almost doesn’t matter, since I’m pretty sure she wins either way.  That said, it’s still my duty to make a guess.  I couldn’t find any evidence that Kathy has ever said who she would have taken had she won, but my guess would be that she takes Neleh.  The pair were always on the same tribe from the beginning, Kathy played a big part in Neleh and Paschal flipping on the Rotu 4, and Kathy would have voted out Vecepia at Final 4 had she not won immunity.  True, Kathy did have a deal with Vecepia as a result of that Final 4 challenge, but I don’t see that overriding a 38 day bond with Neleh.  

As I say, the discussion is ultimately kind of pointless, since Kathy wins either way, but I’ll be going forward as though it’s her versus Neleh.  Kathy definitely wins the votes of all the Rotu 4 in this scenario (while Zoe did vote for Neleh in our timeline, I feel like she ultimately got along with Kathy best of all the remaining finalists), and possibly gets more.  Paschal is the only one she definitively loses, as there’s no way Paschal doesn’t vote for Neleh.  Sean and Vecepia are the only ones I have difficulty figuring out.  They’re both probably not happy at Kathy voting them out, but also have no respect for Neleh.  I’m inclined to say they vote for Kathy, since Neleh seemed to annoy them on a more personal level, but they could go either way.  All it changes is Kathy’s margin of victory though, not the victory itself.  

THE LEGACY

In a bit of a reversal, I’m going to talk a bit about the trends this change to the timeline causes to later seasons first, rather than how it changes the makeup of returnee seasons down the line.  Specifically, I’d like to talk about what the absence of Vecepia’s win means to the timeline going forward.  Say what you will about her as a character, but Vecepia was both a good strategist and important for “Survivor” as a whole.  Around this time, you started to get people noticing that POC’s in general, and African-Americans in particular, were not making the final rounds of the show.  They weren’t even making it that close.  Vecepia making the finals here is a big deal, but now that she doesn’t win, the controversy remains.  Recall that during the “Early Show” segments for this seasons, one of the hosts would regularly joke about the need for “Black ‘Survivor’” for African-Americans to have any chance of winning.  Vecepia’s win shut up that sort of talk, but without it, now that talk persists.  This both means that discussions about the success and portrayal of POC’s on the show probably comes up much earlier in the show’s history, possibly even leading to a Cook Islands “Divide the tribes by race” twist earlier in the timeline.  It also means that Earl’s win on “Survivor Fiji” becomes a much bigger deal, as he becomes the first African-American to ever win in the show’s history.  This means that, with Kathy winning Marquesas, Earl definitely gets brought back sooner rather than later.  I suspect he probably comes back for “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” as a Hero, probably taking Tom Westman’s spot.  He sadly still has to miss “Winners at War”, as I doubt his real-life obligations change as a result of this, but he probably gets brought back one more time after Heroes vs. Villains at least.  

Of course, Kathy is a big deal even in our timeline.  She was voted “Most Popular Contestant Ever” around the end of the season in our timeline, which is probably somewhat due to recency bias, but also because Kathy is just a good character.  But if you thought her zeitgeist was big in our timeline, hoo boy, you can imagine how big it is if she wins.  Kathy is beloved, arguably the most beloved winner ever.  She’s probably the only person who rivals Ethan Zohn in terms of popular winners during the single-digit seasons.  There’s probably a lot of ongoing debate, even to this day, of which of them played the better game.  Think “Team Ethan” and “Team Kathy” t-shirts going around.

Kathy herself is also a hot ticket item who comes back more than once.  There’s her appearance on “All-Stars” to be sure, but I’m sure they want her back for other seasons as well.  It’s tempting to say that she’d also be brought back to “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, but I’m not sure about that.  She’d definitely have to be on the Heroes tribe, but I’m not sure who she can replace.  In terms of archetype, she most closely matches Cirie, and production’s not giving up Cirie’s spot to anyone, even in this timeline.  While it’s then tempting to say she takes Candice’s spot, especially given how controversial Candice’s inclusion was to begin with, but recall that production, for whatever reason, likes to give a lot of its spots over to women who look good in a bikini.  Kathy, for all that she is a lovely person with many great qualities, does not fit this mold, and when you’ve already got Cirie on your tribe, that’s 2/5 of the women on your tribe given over to “non-eye candy”, which I just don’t see production doing.  I DO see them getting a lot of flak for not having Kathy on this season, but I don’t see them changing their minds.  

No, given how popular her son Patrick’s appearance on the show was during the family visit, I would guess that she and Patrick get tapped for “Survivor Blood vs. Water”, though if that falls through I could also see Kathy ending up on “Survivor Game Changers”, probably in Sierra’s spot, since that originally belonged to Natalie Anderson, another female winner that Kathy could easily replace in this timeline.  This probably shakes up the tribes of the season, as again, production won’t want Kathy and Cirie on the same tribe initially.  And of course, there’s no way in this timeline Kathy isn’t brought back for “Survivor Winners at War” as a four-peat.  She probably takes over Amber’s spot.  

But, of course, there’s one big returnee season Kathy impacts that I’ve only barely touched on.  Yes, folks, Kathy’s win definitely has an impact on “Survivor All-Stars”.  Now, on the surface, it might seem like a minimal impact.  After all, Kathy was on that season in our timeline, and her winning doesn’t seem like that would preclude her from appearing again.  It’s not in Kathy’s nature to say “no”.  Yeah, maybe Kathy has a bigger target as a result of winning now, but would it really change the season that much?  

Yes, dear reader.  Yes it would.  Maybe not from a player standpoint, but from a production standpoint.  I don’t think the All-Stars we have in our timeline would be the All-Stars we have in this timeline.  But that is a complicated change.  One that, I think, merits its own write-up.  So, join me in what’s hopefully only a couple weeks this time when we look at “Survivor What-Ifs: All-Stars”!  

In the meantime, though, thank you once again for joining me on this little thought experiment, and sticking with me after a long, unplanned hiatus!  The next blog topic may be reserved, but blogs down the line aren’t.  If there’s a “What If?” scenario you want to read about, I would be happy to write it up if it looks interesting!  Feel free to submit your ideas in the comments below, or anywhere else I’ve linked this blog!  You will be credited if your idea gets used.  Since it’s been a while, a reminder of the ground rules for any idea to be considered for the blog:  

1. One Change Only: This can’t be a whole bunch of things or multiple things going another way to alter the course of a season.  This must be one singular event that alters the season in some way.  Cascade effects, where one change naturally leads to another, are ok, but they have to be natural and logical.  As an example, Shii-Ann not flipping and Chuay Gahn losing the final 10 immunity challenge on “Survivor Thailand” would definitely change things, but those are two independent changes that need to happen, and therefore not appropriate for this blog.  I should also mention that the change has to be an EVENT, not a play style.  Yes, “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” probably goes much differently if Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) isn’t an asshole to everyone, but apart from that never happening, it’s a change in overall play style, not a single moment.  It’s also, as I say, implausible, which leads to my next ground rule…

2. The Change Must Be Realistic: An unlikely change is ok, but it has to be something that COULD have happened, or it’s not worth writing about.  Yes, Fang winning the first immunity challenge on “Survivor Gabon” would drastically change the season.  Would it ever happen?  No.  So there’s no point in writing about it.  

3. The Change Must Have An Impact: By this, I mean the change has to actually alter the season in some significant way.  Simply changing up the boot order is not enough.  Someone new has to win, the perception of the season has to change, or both.  As an example, I originally planned to do a blog on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, with a timeline where Candice didn’t flip at the final 9.  I thought this could lead to a Heroes victory.  Then I remembered that Russell Hantz plays his idol in that same episode, meaning the flip most likely doesn’t matter, and apart from a slight boot order change, the season as a whole remains untouched.  Uninteresting, and therefore not worth talking about.  

In addition to these hard-and-fast rules, there are two what I call “Flexible Rules”.  As the name would imply, these rules can be bent with a compelling arguments, but they are two things that should be borne in mind when suggesting new situations to examine:

4. US Seasons Only: This is nothing against international seasons of “Survivor”.  From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, they can be quite good.  The trouble is, as a citizen on the US, the US version of “Survivor” is the one I’m most familiar with, know the most about, and have seen the most of.  I haven’t even seen a full international season of “Survivor”, just the occasional clip.  Nothing knocking them, of course.  I just haven’t gotten around to viewing them.  So, while I won’t outright ban the suggesting of changes from non-US seasons of “Survivor”, bear in mind that I’m unlikely to pick them due to a lack of knowledge and lack of time to catch up on the seasons.  

5. I Will Not Do Brandon Flipping At The Africa Final 9: A flip by Brandon Quinton at the Final 9 of “Survivor Africa”, voting out Lex instead of Kelly, would indeed fit all the criteria mentioned above.  I’m refusing this particular scenario, not because it isn’t interesting or worth talking about, but because it was already covered by Mario Lanza in his book “When it Was Worth Playing For”.  He covered it so well and so thoroughly that I don’t think I would have anything to add.  I’m willing to consider this scenario if someone can give me a compelling reason that Mario is wrong, or there’s some aspect he didn’t consider, but until that time, this scenario is out.  Other “Survivor Africa” scenarios are ok, though.

Again, I cannot thank you all enough for sticking with this blog through an annoyingly long hiatus, and I look forward to your feedback and thoughts in the future!  

-Matt

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Winners at War” Episode 5: Again on the Buffoon Tribe

Well, with a unified vote last episode, and a swap imminent, there’s no reason not to get straight to the foreshadowing! Nope, no need to concerns ourselves with vote fallout when there is no vote fallout to be had! Instead, we get Sophie and Nick gushing about how great their position in the game is at this particular moment. Nick in particular is happy, since he’s discovered Tyson willing him his remaining fire token. Nick tells us that this makes him think differently of Tyson, possibly even being willing to work with him down the line. Might this be foreshadowing of the biggest challenge threat currently on the Edge of Extinction getting back in the game? I think so.

Before we get to the swap itself, Yul talks about closeness with people. This time, however, Yul’s not discussing the closeness of others in the game, but the closeness of himself out of the game. He tells us the person he bonded the most with on “Survivor Cook Islands” was Jonathan Penner, which strikes me as odd. True, the pair were clearly friends in the game, but over someone like Becky, whom Yul was CLEARLY bonded with? Strikes me as odd, especially when you consider that Penner was the VILLAIN of “Survivor Cook Islands”. Sure, he’s beloved by the fanbase now, and he wasn’t exactly Jonny Fairplay (“Survivor Pearl Islands”) level of hated even at the time, but he was the bad guy. The mutineer. The snarky jerk who betrayed the Aitu Four, then betrayed his new tribe just to seal the deal. And THIS is the guy beloved Yul bonded with the most overall? I mean, it makes sense if you look at them outside the game, but if you only knew them from the show? This would be right the heck out of nowhere.

Yul, however, is focussing less on Jonathan, and more on Jonathan’s wife, Stacy. Stacy, you see, has rather advanced ALS, to the point of not being able to breathe on her own, and requiring around the clock care. Penner has selflessly and graciously taken up this task, and if by some stupid miracle he happens to be reading this, our thoughts go out to you and your wife, man. Sure, I could talk about how this scene really comes right out of nowhere, and basically hits you over the head with “Yul is going to win this season”, but I don’t care. It was touching! It was a humanizing moment for all involved, while still putting the focus on Stacy (her making the family reward on “Survivor Cook Islands” meant they had footage of her to use, and she and Penner had a call to action to start off the upcoming commercial break). Even the normally stone-faced Yul shed a few tears over it. But I’m not crying, you’re crying! Shut up!

Our swap comes around, which means we need someone complaining about it screwing their game up. Boston Rob is our big winner this time around, which I have to say is out of the ordinary. Despite Rob having played five times at this point (six if you count “Survivor Island of the Idols”), this is only his third swap (fourth if you count the tribe dissolution on “Survivor All-Stars”). A low number, though he might have some reason to complain. After all, while the new Mogo Mogo did have the numbers in his favor on “Survivor All-Stars” it was the swap that cost him the game, since asking for the favor to save Amber soured the jury towards him when he didn’t pay them back. Instead, Rob talks about the swap on “Survivor Marquesas”, pointing out that he lost power as a result, having been in control of Maraamu prior to moving to Rotu. A fair enough point, but Rob, I’d say it was really your tribe’s challenge ability that screwed you. Even if you hadn’t swapped, I’d bet money you lost at least one more pre-merge immunity challenge, meaning you’d in down in numbers anyway, and probably be voted out at the exact same spot. Sure, you were at risk on the new Rotu, but you ultimately didn’t leave until the merge, which like I said, is where you likely would have gone anyway. This is as opposed to, say, Sandra, who actually WAS swap-screwed on “Survivor Game Changers”, but let’s not split too many hairs.

With 15 players left, we of course split into three tribes, leading to the creation of a new tribe, which is green, because of COURSE it’s green. They’re almost always green. Doing anything different would upset the delicate balance that is “Survivor”. We’ll get into the split dynamics in a minute, but the big takeaway is that Sele is SCREWED by this swap. Oh sure, they were lower in numbers, which makes a swap harder to take advantage of, but the fact is that Sele was only down by one member, and so could easily have gotten the advantage on two tribes. However, given both the numbers and who ended up with whom, they effectively have the advantage on NO tribes. This is most obvious, funilly enough, on the new Sele. Parvati and Michele remain, being joined by Yul, Wendell, and Nick. Parvati and Michele have the triple disadvantage of being down in the numbers, not working together prior to this, and being with the tightest group in this game so far. As Nick says, those three couldn’t have put together a better tribe swap. Granted, Yul’s number one, Sophie, is on another tribe, but Wendell and Nick are both tight with him, and bring good challenge strength. To add insult to injury for Michele, she and Wendell used to date, and did not have the nicest breakup. More on that later.

Surprisingly, new Dakal is really the only place where the old Sele have a decent chance of grabbing a little power. They’re down in numbers, with Jeremy and Denise against Kim, Sandra, and Tony, but Jeremy and Denise at least have a tentative alliance, and a possible “In” with Kim, since she never really worked with Sandra and Tony directly. Plus, they both have some form of immunity at this point (Jeremy has “Safety without power”, while Denise has a good old hidden immunity idol), meaning they can guarantee an original Dakal going home if they so choose. Granted, both Kim and Sandra have idols as well, but Tony going is not the worst thing. Oh, and four people immune on a tribe of five with FIFTEEN PEOPLE LEFT IN THE GAME is clearly not an indicator of too many idols and advantages in the game already! No siree!

In a parallel to the new Dakal, our newly-created Yara tribe (which will in no way be difficult to distinguish from the Yawa tribe of “Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers”, no sir) has a numerical advantage, but a fractious one. On paper, Sarah and Sophie are outnumbered by Boston Rob, Ben, and Adam, but then you remember that all three of the men have reason to be mad at each other, meaning that they likely won’t be able to work together. Add onto that them having to build a whole new shelter, and getting little in the way of supplies, and you’ve got the makings for a tribe in trouble. I would say new Dakal is probably the weakest tribe overall, due to having the biggest challenge sink (Sandra), and only one big gun in Jeremy, but given Boston Rob’s overall performance, the energy expended in building a new shelter, and Adam not being the strongest either, I’d say these two tribes may be fairly even early on. Not new Sele, though. New Sele is not going to lose a challenge unless they throw a challenge.

After Denise and Jeremy take time to gush at Wendell’s handiwork on the shelter, the game starts back up. Jeremy, unsurprisingly, is the driving force behind the attempts to work on the tribe, and quickly zeroes in on Kim as the weak link. I’m guessing he worked everybody, and they just showed us the one that worked, but if he did sense that out immediately, kudos to him. Given the public feud between Tony and Sandra on “Survivor Game Changers”, without any knowledge of tribe dynamics, that would have been my first guess as to an exploitable flaw. Not, Jeremy instead floats the idea of working with himself and Denise to Kim, which is further incentivized by her bonding with Denise. Kim admits that while it might be smarter to stick with her original Dakal members, she does have a bond with Denise and Jeremy that she doesn’t have with Tony and Sandra, as well as no real alliance with them, so things are up in the air. We’re left pretty unclear where Kim will go, but it looks to be an intriguing storyline going forward.

Checking in at Sele, Michele again laments being put on a tribe with Wendell, since they have “history”. Unlike with the poker alliance or Stacy from earlier in the episode, we don’t get any outside clips detailing their relationship. Which is a shame, not so much because I want all their dirty laundry aired on national tv, but because I’ve seen the pictures from when they were dating, and they were cute together! I’m really sorry to hear their breakup wasn’t amiable, because they do seem like a nice match on the surface. Bummer.

To distract from this, Parvati sets about bonding with the remaining members of her tribe. She and Yul share an original season, plus his wife really likes Parvati’s game, so she leans on that. With Nick, it turns out she was his crush back in the day, and we get to see “flirt” Parvati come out again a bit. Wendell, however, is a tough nut to crack. He gives very short, nondescript answers to her “Getting to know you” questions, which leads Parvati to call him “cagey”. Wendell argues that he’s just a slow leak, but combined with not really wanting to talk about their past with Michele, it seems like he’s just kind of quiet around them. Odd for a guy who won on the strength of his social game, but I guess that’s what a breakup will do to you. Michele and Parvati complain about this on the beach, noting how smug the guys are. They want Wendell gone, but have no way to do so. As such, they decide to “Give the guys something to look at” (seriously, these two may be the first people to say that in non-scripted reality), and go for a swim. And here, I must complain. Yes, an understanding of the tribe dynamics is necessary, and yes, the tension between Michele and Wendell is a big part of that. I’m not complaining about that so much. What I AM complaining about is the portrayal of Michele on this season. Look, Aubry will always be my girl, but I have a lot of respect for Michele. She’s a solid player of the game, and very likable in her own right. I have no complaints about the fact that she won, and as such want to see more of her on this season. So it bothers me that the ONLY Michele content we’ve gotten has related to three things: Voting out Ethan (which was all of ONE SENTENCE), her relationship troubles, and being a sex object. Yeah, “Survivor”. Way to be progressive in this day and age. All the content we get from one of the women relates to either relationships or looks? Those portrayals aren’t stereotypical at all!

Rant over, we head to Yara, where even before shelter building commences, Rob wants to know what happened to Amber. Sarah and Sophie wisely throw Tyson under the bus, saying that he threw out Amber’s name when he was on the chopping block. At least partially true, it also shifts any blame to someone who can’t defend himself right now, and lets them keep up the pretense of a full united front for the original Dakal. Smooth playing, ladies. Less smooth are the men, who when asked immediately spill their hatred for each other. Way to play, guys. Ok, ok, I suppose there was no way they were going to hide if for long, but a token effort would have been nice! Sophie and Sarah talk with everyone, and are naturally relieved that they have options. Still, they don’t trust the numbers, and so go idol hunting, followed shortly by the men. Rob complains about the difficulties in idol hunting, despite, as Adam points out, having FOUND an idol. To be fair, Rob did have clues, and their new island has many significant looking trees. In the end, the show does something I really like, and keeps the finding of the idol subtle. While Rob rants, we see Sophie grab something out of a tree, later revealed to be the Yara hidden immunity idol. Like other idols this season, she has to split it for it to be useful. Since Sophie is NOT an idiot, she gives it to the one person she’s played with so far, and we move on to our immunity challenge.

As we’ve come to expect this season, this is your standard obstacle course with a puzzle at the end, though two things about this challenge stand out. One is the color. While most challenges have a good amount of color to them, for some reason this challenge really “pops” particularly in aerial shots. Kudos to the art department! The second element is the puzzle. At first, it seems like another rehash. The “Stack four blocks so no color appears twice on any side” puzzle from “Survivor Samoa”. Decently tough, but not much to note, were it not for a design choice I like. Previously, the blocks had to be stacked in a rotating frame. Here, they’re stacked on top of one another on a rotating platform. It’s a small change, but it helps this version stand out, along with the look of the blocks themselves. I’ve complained in the past about “Plastic ‘Survivor’”, where elements look manufactured and fake, as in not part of the environment. Here, these crates are clearly just wood squares nailed together and painted. This could be seen as lazy, but I say it adds to the authenticity. These feel like something someone would develop naturally on an island, or even make at home, and it’s a nice touch to an otherwise just average challenge.

Yara does surprisingly well early on in the challenge, even getting to the puzzle slightly ahead of Sele. Of course, though, the puzzle matters, and despite having the more than competent team of Sophie and Adam on the puzzle, they choke. Our idol mercifully splits apart naturally this season (as all multiple idols should, show), so Sele gets the skull for coming in first, while Dakal’s impressive puzzle performance nets them the crossbones. Though I have to ask, since Yara was right next to Sele, why didn’t they just copy their solution when Sele won? Regardless, Rob leads us out saying that while he hates losing, he feels fairly in control tonight. Gee, I wonder who our boot is?

Despite the earlier tension between the guys, when push comes to shove, they don’t want to go home. At the water well they agree not to vote for each other, and decide on Sarah for bringing less to challenges than Sophie. A bit odd, given that Sarah is a police officer, and therefore presumably quite physically fit, but I guess if you factor in puzzle ability it’s a wash. Given that all have an incentive to get the connected people out at this point, Sarah at least works from that perspective. Rob, however, is still a bit paranoid, and thus implements the “buddy system” from “Survivor Redemption Island”. With only three, though, it rapidly devolves into “Everyone sit in the shelter until Tribal Council”. You know, the strategy that worked SO WELL for Garrett on “Survivor Cagayan”. Geez, Rob, you’re supposed to be better than this. Adam complains about the boredom, thereby making him the most likely to quit on Edge of Extinction. You think this is boring, buddy? Try being out of the game. Or the audience watching the people who are out of the game. Last episode aside, boredom city.

Well, after Ben’s Oreo conversation is exhausted (for the record, I’m in the “Peel apart the cookie and lick out the creme” camp), Sophie and Sarah go off to grouse. They can see the writing on the wall, and confess that they can’t even get a signal or a wink from any of the guys. However, they pool their advantages, and actually do have a plan. Sarah having given Sophie back her half of the idol, they have it available now, but want to save it. Fair enough. Less understandable is Sarah wanting to save her vote steal. Look Sarah, I understand wanting to have it available down the line, but if ever there was a time to play it, this is it! It breaks up a possibly insurmountable threesome, does not require the potential guesswork of playing a hidden immunity idol, and prevents any targeting of you should people find out you have it. Plus, with larger numbers, it can have less of an impact. Play it now, when it’s most useful.

Our Tribal Council is once again mostly a subdued affair, with no one wanting to give away anything. That said, I do want to praise one bit of Sophie’s maneuvering this time around. After giving the usual talk about finding “cracks” and splitting people up, Sophie reframes the conversation brilliantly. Pointing out that such a metaphor, while commonly used, can have negative connotations, Sophie instead says she wants to use this vote as an opportunity to build bonds, and start working WITH people, rather than splitting them up. This is a brilliant bit of politicking on Sophie’s part. It flips the underdog narrative on it’s head, and makes you seem desirable, rather than desperate. It’s delivered well too; calm but still with some force behind it. There’s a reason Sophie’s back here, and it’s not just for snark.

I’d play up the mystery here, but we all know Rob’s going. The narrative has been leaning too heavily in that direction for it to be anyone else. The women don’t even have to play any of their advantages. Like with the Kim thing earlier, I’m guessing there’s just some strategizing between everyone but Rob we didn’t see, and so there was no need to discuss things further post-immunity-challenge. Quite honestly, I’m not too sorry to see Rob go. He’s a legend, don’t get me wrong, but because of that, we all knew this was coming at some point. It’s like the boot of Richard Hatch on “Survivor All-Stars”: You may not like it when it happens, but you know going in it’s inevitable. Better to get it out of the way early so that we can focus on newer storylines. That said, was this a smart move? I’d say not. Even without the knowledge of Sarah’s advantage, she has more connections left in the game than Rob does, making her overall the bigger threat. I get that Rob’s strong-arming gets old, but that continues to make him a target, and therefore worthy to keep around as a shield. Even looking at it from the perspective of who Sophie and Sarah should target, I’d say they made the wrong call. They should have gone for Adam. As we saw this episode, while Ben and Adam may be mad at each other, they CAN still work together. Not so much for Boston Rob and the others, and since Adam has less challenge ability than Ben, I’d say he should have been the target.

For all my complaints so far, this season has more hits than misses, and this episode is definitely one of the hits. True, the hits have not been fantastic hits, and the misses have often been spectacular, but my overall impression of the season still remains positive. True, after the immunity challenge there was zero mystery as to who would go home, but sometimes you don’t need that. We got a clear story on “The Downfall of Boston Rob” which was compelling in its bluntness, and that can be fun to. Add to that a good understanding of the new tribe dynamics after WAITING and establishing the status quo, coupled with some heartwarming moments, and you’ve got yourself an above-average episode. Plus, NO EDGE OF EXTINCTION! YAY! We even got Probst’s final words this episode, saving Boston Rob’s willing of his fire tokens until the credits. He, of course, wills them to… MICHELE! No, with Amber out of the game, he’s clearly giving them to Parvati. What did you expect? Honestly, the only complaint I can really have with this episode is it felt like we were intentionally not given information to try and up the drama in places, which I can’t really complain about since it happens with most episodes. It was just less subtle here.

Oh, and the abundance of idols and advantages. I can complain about that. Admittedly not really a problem in this episode, but it’s already hard to keep track of who has what, and that problem looks to only be getting worse as the season progresses. We may be fine next episode, but if our “Two tribes at Tribal Council” is two tribes voting for one person AGAIN, rather than a proper Double-Tribal, I’m going to be pissed.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

“Survivor” Retrospectives: Marquesas

For all that I said that “Survivor Africa” was considered the worst of “Classic ‘Survivor'”, on the whole it is still well remembered, if only for fitting in the aforementioned category.  Particularly given it’s (relatively) recent DVD release, people have been remembering it much more fondly.  No, the first season to truly divide people on whether it was good or not was “Survivor Marquesas”.  Some people think it was an endearing, amazing season that deserves to also be ranked as “Classic ‘Survivor'”, some people think it’s a festering pool of awful.  Where do I fall?  Let’s do the analysis and find out.

Once again, I warn my readers that this retrospective will contain spoliers, but I will give an unspoilerish opinion on whether or not the season is good/should be watched in the “Abstract” section.  Those wishing to read just that section should scroll directly to the bottom of the page to read it.  Now, on with the review!

CAST

I hate to peak earl, but unfortunately this is where the season thrives or dies for most people.  If you like the season, you see the few great players they had as dominating, and even some of the lesser players had their moments.  If you hate the season, you see the good players as overrated, and the lesser players getting for too much screen time.  Oddly, I sort of fall into both categories, as while I think the “great” players are overrated, I think some of the “lesser” players are underrated.

In order to explain, I’ll have to organize the “Cast” section a little differently, and talk about the distribution of people before I go on to who is remembered and if they deserve it or not.  The thing about Marquesas is that it didn’t do as good a job at getting a variety of strategy types.  Now, I don’t mean that they didn’t vary their people, locations, and lifestyles enough, that they were still up to par with the previous seasons.  No, I mean that everyone on Marquesas was either a hardcore strategist, or else completely naive to the game.  There really was no middle ground.  At least with the first 3 seasons, they gave us SOME people who were both moral yet strategic.  This season just felt like extremes of the tropes, on the whole, and could have made for a very boring season, just washing extremes battle with each other to see who would come out on top.  It didn’t help that by the final 8, the strategic people were, by and large, eliminated, which could have made for a very boring season.  What saves it, however, was that some of the people actually CHANGED their strategy in the middle, and became much more strategic than they were.  This was EXCEDINGLY fascinating, and, in my opinion, saved the cast of the season from utter ruin.

Now onto the cast specifics.  Far and away, the person most remembered out of Marquesas is “Boston” Rob Mariano, a construction worker who fancied himself a Godfather of “Survivor”.  However, this fame largely came to being after “Survivor All-Stars”, not to mention the fact that he’s the castaway utilized the most by CBS, appearing on 4 separate seasons (meaning that for every 6 seasons you watch, you will see Boston Rob in one of them).  He’s considered by many to be one of the greatest strategists the game has ever seen, and I freely admit that he’s not that bad.  On the other hand, I’d expect he’d be pretty good AFTER 4 DAMN CHANCES AT THE TITLE!  But of course, we’re not here to look at his future record, we’re here to look at what he did on Marquesas.  So, he voted off alpha male Hunter Ellis to gain power for himself…  Alright, decent strategic move.  He made some wisecracks at the expense of his fellow tribemates…  Ok.  And that’s it.  That’s all Boston Rob did in his tenure on Marquesas, getting eliminated shortly after the merge by a majority alliance from the former Rotu tribe for being a physical threat.  He really did virtually nothing, aside from influencing one vote in the third episode.  The rest was just him cracking jokes, waiting to be voted off.  He tried to save himself, certainly, but he failed miserably.  At this point, it should be no secret that I’m not a huge Boston Rob fan.  I think he’s highly overrated, and annoying in large doses.  My personal favorite contestant from Marquesas (not to mention another fan favorite) is Kathy Vavrick-O’Brien, the Real-Estate Agent from Vermont.  The reason I like Kathy is very simple: she exemplifies what I love about the cast.  Kathy, coming into the game, fell into the “naive” category I mentioned earlier, really having no idea how to play the game, just having a few basic survival skills, and being good in the challenges.  In fact, to begin with she was so bad at the social game, the only reason she wasn’t eliminated was because Rotu went on a winning streak early on, and she found herself in the majority after the tribe swap.  However, unlike past and future castaways, Kathy actually LEARNED as she went on, and changed her game to the point of becoming a strategical dominator for the season post merge.  This is so impressive in my eyes, and for me, it makes Kathy one of the greats.  Unlike Boston Rob, I can see why she was invited back for All-Stars, and I’m sad that she isn’t really talked about anymore, because I think she’s a great example of adaptability in the game.  Now, I’ve said that I don’t think Boston Rob should have been invited back for All-Stars, but who do I think should have?  Aside from Kathy, the answer would have to be Sean Rector, a very witty Harlem Schoolteacher nicknamed “Malcolm Farrakhan” by eventual winner Vecepia Towery.  Like Boston Rob, he was strategic and funny.  Unlike Boston Rob, however, he seemed human, likeable, and had less of an ego.  His strategy was more subtle, and I found him much funnier than Boston Rob.  So, yeah, Sean was pretty cool.  Also remembered, though mainly because Probst likes her, is Gina Crews, who fell squarely on the “moral” side of the spectrum.  The “Watermelon Queen” in real life, she was a tough woman (which this season had a lot of) who pretty much fell apart after Hunter’s exit, then seemed to regain her footing after the tribe switch, only to be voted outfor being in the minority on her tribe.  Yeah, I’m not too fond of her.  She’s likeable enough, I suppose, but she really didn’t impact the game that much, and just left me feeling neutral.  The two utter notable names of the season are Neleh Dennis (the Mormon runner-up of the season) and Sarah Jones (Cleopatra).  They are both, unfortunately, remembered for negative things.  Neleh takes a lot of flak for being overly sweet and repeatedly saying “Oh, my heck.”, despite being a halfway decent strategist (though to be fair, some of the flak also comes from her insisting that she was moral when, in fact, she was not).  Sarah, meanwhile, is remembered for being a prissy girl whose main assets were in silicone.  As my earlier parenthesis might have reminded some, she’s best remembered for doing absolutely no work to row the raft into shore, but sat atop while her “servants” paddled in, which was describes as similar to Cleopatra arriving at her palace, appropriately played with Egyptian-themed music in the background.  So yeah, of the people most remembered, there are only 2 that I really like, but I do think that one person off this season has been neglected in “Survivor” lore.  That person is Tammy Leitner, a crime reporter from Arizona.  Tammy is one of the few people this season who actually balanced morals and strategy.  Ok, to be fair, she tended more towards the moral side of things, but she could be strategic when she wanted to, and had a “never say ‘die'” attitude that I find fascinating.  Unfortunately, this is where the good ends.  Vecepia is not really a good winner, called a “Bible-thumping Bitch” by both contestants and viewers alike, and the rest of the cast was just bland (aside, perhaps, from John Carroll, who had halfway decent strategy, but is unfortunately, only remembered for falling on a sea urchin, and needing Kathy to come pee on his hand).  Maybe now you see the problem with Marquesas: it had to rely on a few really good characters, instead of a good cast overall.  Still, the characters they relied on were (for the most part) good choices, particularly Kathy, and the cast is salvaged pretty well.

Score: 8 out of 10

CHALLENGES

For me, this is where Marquesas suffers the most. A lot of this had to do with the location, which I’ll talk more about in the “Overall” section, but suffice to say that “Generic South Pacific Island” is not as epic as the Australian Outback, or the African bush.  It did mean a fair number of water challenges, which made for a nice change, but the scale of the challenges just seemed to go down.  There were some good ones, to be sure, and it held true to some “Survivor” staples (blindfolded obstacle courses, the “Fallen Comrades” challenge, and probably one of the best gross food challenges ever), but a lot of them felt repeptitive.  There was a lot of “build something” challenges, which are good in and of themselves, but when there are too many of them, they start to feel repetitive.  This season also had a lot of “Sail the boat out to sea, grab some generic things, and race back with them” challenges, which got old really fast.  Particularly after the merge, things just seemed to get mundane.  I don’t mean they got modernized, of course, but the challenges started to feel very much like simple chores rather than complex obstacles.  For instance, some indidvidual challenges in Marquesas included building and flying kites, breaking open coconuts to fill a tube, and building a fire to pop popcorn.  Not exactly what I think of when I think “Survivor”.  I admire that the producers were trying to go a different direction, but this feels like a step backward instead of a step forward.

Not much else to say.  The challenges this season, on the whole, were just weak.

Score: 3 out of 10.

TWISTS

Marquesas was the last season before the producers began to get “twist happy”, and people do seem to respect it for this.  However, while very few of the twists (made by the producers or the players) were great, there were very few God-awful ones as well, and the twists just come off as “ok”.

To begin with, this marked a new level of deprivation for the castaways.  Previously, they’d been given a ration of some form of food (usually rice), but this time had very meagre supplies.  On the one hand, this made the first few episodes rather hard to watch, as the tribes spent a lot of time complaining about the food situation.  On the other hand, it was a nice challenge for the tribes, changed up the game somewhat, and came off ok once the tribes figured out how to get food.  The next twist is what Boston Rob is remembered for: flipping the vote to alpha-male Hunter.  This in and of itself is nothing new, we’d seen alpha males voted off early so others could sieze power, Joel Klug (“Survivor Borneo”) being the prime example of this.  What separates Hunter’s vote out was that unlike other alpha male boots, Hunter was actually in control at some point (and not just under the illusion of control), and was also necesarry.  The Maraamu Tribe had lost every single challenge up until that point, and so having physical strength would have been helpful.  The only reason to vote off the alpha male at this point was to sieze power, and it shocked people, so I suppose that makes it a good twist.  The producers swtiched up tribes again, though this time a bit differently.  They had each castaway stand on a random wooden disk.  On the bottom of these disks were new buffs, to designate new tribes.  This is more random than the switch in “Survivor Africa”, and also kept the tribe numbers the same (Rotu at 8, Maraamu at 5), though this may have been due to the uneven number of castaways left.  Still, I admire the producers for doing it that way (it seems fairer to me, somehow) and makes for a solid tribe switch.  The next “twist” wouldn’t come until the final 9, but it was a doozy, and what most proponants of the season hold up as its crowning moment.  At the final 9, the “Rotu 4 alliance”, consisting of John Carroll, Zoe Zanidakis, Tammy Leitner, and Robert DeCanio was in control, with Neleh Dennis and Paschal English believing themselves to be involved in the alliance.  However, with the first instance of the “answer questions, then chop down people to reveal the pecking order” challenge, Neleh and Paschal realized they were on the bottom, and so changed things up, allying with Kathy, Sean, and Vecepia to eliminate the Rotu 4.  This marked the first instance of a “Totem Pole” shakeup, where the people on the bottom of the alliance flip to further themselves (something that has been severly lacking in recent seasons).  It’s not the most exciting flip, but it was unexpected, and a solid example overall.  The next twist wouldn’t  come until the Final 4, but it’s what everyone remembers about this season.  At the Final 4, the target of the night (Vecepia) had won immunity, and the results of the vote were tied, with Kathy and Neleh each receiving 2 votes.  Here, it was revealed the new method for breaking deadlock ties.  Rather than the “Votes Cast Previously” method of seasons past, we now got into the “Purple Rock” method of breaking ties.  To briefly explain how this works, in the event of a deadlock tie, the person with individual immunity is immune, and the people voted for become immune.  The rest of the tribe pulls rocks, with the one who draws the purple rock being eliminated.  If this seems like a stupid method (in that the people voted for become immune, when clearly they weren’t playing a good enough game), it is, and is done to discourage ties, which do not, evidently, make for good tv.  The problem here, though, is that the method works for every number except 4, where you would have only 1 person draw rocks.  To rectify this, Probst had the two peoplvoted for draw rocks, as well as Paschal.  However, despite never having a vote cast against him, Paschal was the one eliminated, making for the first unisex final 3, and also sparked outrage from the fan community.  This is why later season switched to the fire building tiebreaker at the final 4, and good riddance, I say.  The final twist of the season was the first successful final immunity negotiation, where Vecepia agreed to jump off if Neleh would take her along.  Neleh agreed, and kept to her word, which was actually kind of interesting to see.

Overall, this season had few earth-shattering twists (that didn’t spark outrage), but could still hold it’s own in the department.

Score: 7 out of 10.

OVERALL

Marquesas, unfortunately, does not have one strong element to help the others.  Unlike previous locations, which had a strong theme, and were generally epic, Marquesas was just another island chain, with very little to separate itself from the group of other islands in the series.  The cast, the strongest element, had enough forgetable/unlikeable people that it can’t hold the series together, and the challenges were repetitive and weak.  The twists, however, might hold it up, depending on how you look at it.  This is part of what divides people: Do twists, in and of themselves, make a good season.  Probst doesn’t think they do, while Dalton Ross (one of the foremost “Survivor” experts, apart from myself) enjoys the season for it’s twists.  For me, I like the twists a good deal, but my relative dislike of the cast just drags the season down for me.  Still, it can be entertaining, sets itself apart in a few ways, and, if your patient, the season is fairly entertaining.

Also, just to end on a slightly humorous note: Rosie O’Donnel=bad choice to host the reunion show.  Probst and Bryant Gumble brought a dignity to the proceedings, and seemed appropriate, but Rosie just made it a big joke.

Score: 23 out of 40

ABSTRACT

Marquesas is soley for the “Survivor” enthusiast.  Hardly the most entertaining installment, it gave us very little in every category.  However, there are a few moments of excitement that make this season an ok watch, and given how much a certain character comes back in later seasons, those looking to understand the progression of “Survivor” should definitely watch Marquesas.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor One World” Episode 4: Survivor-Masochism

I hope you weren’t offended by Colton’s remarks about Bill last episode, because, believe it or not, he gets even worse this episode.  I honestly didn’t think it was possible.  Once again, “Survivor” one-ups me.

Welcome back to “Idol Speculation”.  If I seem a little curt this blog, well, it’s because the idiocy this episode has reached an all-time “Survivor” high.  Couple that with the fact that I really liked the bootee this episode, and my mood explains itself.  But lets start from the beginning, when this episode seemed like it might be lackluster.

I do have to admit something before we begin, however: there was a scene that I missed at the very beginning of the episode.  I had a commitment change at the last minute, and so could only run to the tv at exactly 8 P.M. (I usually get there early to ensure catching every minute).  I made good time, but still came in at the end of the opening sequence.  Thus, I have no idea what happened between the “Previously on…” segment, and the first commercial break.  Seeing how the rest of the episode played out, I’m going to assume that it was Manono coming back from Tribal Council complaining, and talking about how they need to do better in future, and move on from there.

So when I come in, we see the women mashing up snails, a proud “Survivor” tradition!  The women insist that they’re really good.  I don’t see it, personally, but then again I’m not starving and am not much of a food connoisseur to begin with.

The men, however, crave something more, and diplomat Jonas comes over to haggle with the women for use of their fishing net, making a thoroughly non-beneficial deal.  The men would merely use the net, and give half their catch to the women, while the women do nothing.  Guys, you’re not hurting that badly, come up with a better deal!  Even more perplexing, however, is the women’s adamant refusal to allow the men even this.  I’m not sure what dumber, the men making this deal, or the women not knowing a good thing when it gets VOULENTARILLY shoved in their faces!  Here, I have to admit that for as much as I like Jonas, he’s sort of overstepping his boundaries here.  Come on, man, at least TRY to make a deal that’s more beneficial to you!  Furthermore, although I don’t agree with their rejection of the deal, I do have to agree with Kim that Jonas’ repeating “It’s not that big a deal.” is annoying, particularly as I think this was a pet project for him.  Given his whole “I’m from Hawaii.” rant, and the fact that he’s a sushi chef, I think this is more Jonas working for Jonas than Jonas working for Manono.

Off to a reward challenge, that, on the surface, looks very original.  Tribes shoot coconuts into a grid, and the first to break 5 tiles into a perfect line wins.  Very simple, very fair, but actually not original.  Of course, slingshots and coconuts are “Survivor” staples, but even the “tic-tac-toe” style of scorekeeping is not exactly original.  Some of you may recall an immunity challenge from “Survivor Vanuatu” where tribes used a slingshot on colored tiles in an attempt to clear their grid.  Oddly reminiscent, particularly given that Vanuatu was another season that divided the tribes by gender (even though that challenge took place after the mixing of genders).  You would think, given that this challenge is effectively a scaled-up version, thus making it grander, I’d enjoy it more.  But I have to admit, although I like the look of this challenge better, it has a few flaws.  For one thing, the Vanuatu version had more strategy, as, when you eliminated rows, you eliminated players from your tribe, thus including a strategy element.  While it’s not entirely gone, as you need to decide where to aim in this version, it just seems less important.  Furthermore, in Vanuatu, the tiles were connected to a frame by wires, thus enabling an easy system of declaring a tile broken (when it was connected by no more than 2 wires).  Here, I had a hard time telling what constituted “broken”.

Jeff Probst then unveils an old, but good twist: the winning tribe gets to pick their reward.  I like this.  It adds an element of choice to the matter, furthering strategy, and can lead to hilarious moments, like when Russell Swan (“Survivor Samoa”) chose pillows and blankets over a tarp.  Incidentally, it just occurred to me that had he picked the tarp instead, he could have kept fire going, not gotten dehydrated after that torrential downpour, and left with dignity.  But I’m rambling.

Not much to say on the execution, other than it seemed random as to whether the coconut broke all the way through the tile or not.  The women win, and have to choose between a bed set, a tarp, and coffee and donuts (which the men hoot and holler over like they’re “Dilbert” characters.  Truly, this is a season free of stereotypes.).  Since the women AREN’T idiots (unlike some people I  will discuss later) they take the tarp, thus leveling the playing field with the men.

Back at camp, the women rightly celebrate their victory.  I have no problem with anything, except that they refer to their victory as a “W”.  Look, enough people think “Survivor” is lame without your help.

Generic interviews about at Manono as well, as Bill tells the produces the shocking revelation that the women are tough, and all the men’s precepts are out the window.  No, really?

Thankfully, this is not the only thing Bill talks about.  He also talks to Leif about the game.  Leif, having a friendship with Bill, and also considering the possibility of making sub-alliances, tells Bill that Colton put on him on the chopping block.  This puts Bill on the alert, and is generally a good move by Leif.  It earns him favor with others while not sticking his neck out too far.  Or at least, that’s what I would say if Mike didn’t overhear him.  Given that this is Manono, aka the place where loyalty goes to die, Mike immediately tells Colton about it.  Again, this is a good move on Mike’s part.  He earns favor, and stirs up trouble in the alliance.

Now, Colton obviously has to do something about this, as this is a clear demonstration of disloyalty in the alliance.  He can either handle this like a gentleman, and question Leif about it, maybe throwing in a subtle threat of eviction or two for good measure, or he could act like a middle schooler, and verbally abuse Leif with names like “Munchkin” and “Oompa-Loompa”.  Given his “ghetto trash” remarks about Bill in the last episode, which do you think he goes for?

Ok, so technically he does both, but what he does first is classless.  But more on that later.

Back from break we get our first instance of tree mail this season, when Salani brings back a puzzle clue.  It indicates working in pairs to solve a puzzle.  All right, it seems like a fair conjecture.  Kat says that she’s not particularly brainy, and… this somehow starts a fight?  I admit the men have a lot of inner issues to work out, but at least the things they fight over make SENSE!  With the women, I don’t even know what sets them off.  Kat opening her mouth, maybe.

Challenge Time!  Today’s challenge is… generic.  That’s the best way I can describe it.  No twists, just a simple balance beam with simple puzzles.  Not exactly an easy challenge, but not an exciting one either.  I’d forget about it in 10 milliseconds if it weren’t for the performances this challenge.  The men do about average, but the women fail miserable, barely able to complete even the first puzzle, and that’s after looking at the men’s completed version!  This leads to a hilarious moment when TarZAN accuses the women of cheating by childishly shouting “Cheater, Cheater!”

Now, for all that I’ve bashed TarZAN, he actually has a good idea here.  Probst is supposed to make judgment calls on this sort of thing, so frankly I don’t see why people don’t abuse it more.  I can only think of two instances in “Survivor” of cheating accusations.  The first was when Maraamu (“Survivor Marquesas”) accused Rotu of not having all tribe members finish a reward challenge, which they were successful at.  The other was from “Survivor Exile Island” when Terry Deitz accused Aras Baskauskas of cheating in a reward challenge, which was unsuccessful (Terry had simply misunderstood the rules).  Even with that small sample size, it’s a 50% success rate, and what do you have to lose?  There’s no penalty for false accusations of cheating, so do it often on the chance that you can force a win from a loss.

Well, in case my earlier teaser didn’t clue you in, the men steamroller over the women and we head back to camp, where the men briefly celebrate victory.  I wait for the promised infighting amongst the men we were promised at the end of last episode, but it isn’t going to come as we cut back to the women, deciding if they should get rid of Christina, for being outside the alliance, or Alicia, for being detrimental with her attitude.  I, meanwhile, prepare to write a scathing blog about the letdown from the promised infighting.

Wait a minute, though.  Now we’re cutting back to the men.  But that doesn’t make any sense, they’re safe.  The producers wouldn’t take time away from the scheming at Salani unless… but no, not even Brandon Hantz (“Survivor South Pacific”) would be dumb enough to do that.

They do.

Uneasy is the head that bears the crown.  Brandon Hantz has been usurped as King of “Dumb Survivor Ideas”  Hail, Emperor Colton.

Yes, folks, the men have just disobeyed the cardinal rule of “Survivor”: Do not give up immunity.  What’s more, they’ve done it in the tribal phase, something I didn’t even think possible.  All this when the merge is probably still a ways away, and you only have a 1 person lead over Salani.

Excuse me while I go scrounge up a few more subwoofers.  I want to be sure the whole world can here me yell “MORONS!”

I mean it, this really upsets me!  This group wasn’t the brightest, but I didn’t think they were THIS stupid.  Colton especially!  “Fan of the Game?”  You know NOTHING about the basic principles of the game.

All right, so it’s a little unfair to Colton, but I’m really pissed off.  So, to get a more balanced look at the situation, let’s go back to how it all started.

Bill came to Colton, fairly peacefully, to confront Colton about his dislike of him.  Colton receives this with his usual grace and charm, outright insulting Bill and dismissing him.  However, this is enough to unleash the “Hulk” within Bill, as he refuses to leave Colton alone.  I admit, this is a little harsh on Bills part, and not a good move game-wise, but Colton’s been such a baby about this whole situation that I have absolutely no sympathy about it.

Colton takes his hissy fit to Troyzan and Jonas, where, with his apparent lack of a brain, he comes up with the plan to give the girls immunity to get rid of Bill.  Troyzan, not being completely sane, agrees.  You will note that Jonas, the only one of these 3 with even a modicum of intelligence thinks it’s a stupid idea.  Still, Colton’s excited enough to get the rest of the tribe talking about it.  With the exception of TarZAN (again, the only other person without a brain) everyone is against the idea.  It gets put to a vote, and only two people (Colton and TarZAN, I guess Troyzan grew a few brain cells) go for the plan.  So, naturally, this is the end of it.  There’s no way Colton will be so detrimental to his tribe that he’ll whine like a spoiled brat until he gets his way.

Oh, no, wait a minute, HE TOTALLY WOULD!  Yes, having won the challenge handily the men go to Tribal Council of their own free will.  Do I have to spell out why this is a dumb move?  Well, given the general intelligence of Manono at the moment, apparently I have to!  You are up in numbers by ONE person.  Thus, getting rid of one person is stupid.  Moreover, COLTON, this could easily backfire and get you voted out.  Not to mention it gives the women morale where there was previously none.  So what’s the positive to this?  Colton doesn’t have to hear Bill say the word “Bro” one more time.  Seriously, Manono at this point is an S&M Dungeon, and Colton is the tribe mistress.

Tribal this time is very heated.  We get some lame misdirection that Leif may go for betraying the alliance, and then get to decide if Colton is racist.  Colton says he has not respect for Bill’s way of life, but not his race, while Bill thinks Colton is being privileged and stuck up.  Let me be clear here: I have talked with many people from Alabama.  I know and like many people from Alabama.  A large portion of my family is from Alabama.  Therefore I have the answer: Colton is not INTENTIONALLY racist.

What he is doing is a form of racism, not based on color, but on class.  In my experience, a lot of people in Alabama, particularly old, white money, see black people as a sort of lower class.  It’s not so much their skin color as that they tend not to get as good an education as white people.  It’s really not intentional, it’s just the way they were raised.  In no way am I saying that all people from Alabama are like this at all, nor am I saying my family is exempt.  My own great-grandmother died believing that black people were human, just a less-evolved human.  My apologies to any people from Alabama I may have offended with this analysis.

That being said, Colton DOES fall under this ladder.  What he said about Bill is fair, it’s true, Bill maybe should have had a backup plan, and maybe Bill was wrong about Colton not working a day in his life.  It still doesn’t change the fact that Colton is looking down on Bill pretty much purely for his social class, and making judgments based on it.  He didn’t even give Bill a chance.  While I think Bill was also a little unfair and harsh this evening, he, at least, gave Colton a CHANCE at reconciliation.  But if Colton arbitrarily decides he doesn’t like you, he doesn’t like you.

You know, it’s times like these when I think back to “Survivor Borneo”, and Rudy Boesch’s famous quote “I’ve gotta fit in.  Me, not them.  You know, there’s more of them then there is of me.”  Does anyone remember when people took this quote to heart?

So, Colton insists on his way and Bill goes home.  It is a victory for Colton, again asserting his dominance in the tribe, and Bill didn’t exactly help in his handling of the situation.  Still, Bill had a lot of potential, I felt, and was a personal favorite of mine.  And I just can’t get over how stupid a move that was!  YOU GAVE THE OTHER TEAM MOMENTUM!  THIS IS VERY BAD, COLTON!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, I’m going to do another Top 5 and Bottom 5 of the dumbest moves in “Survivor” history, putting this one at the top.  I did think about doing this, but then it occurred to me that no move could be as stupid on any level as this, so the entire list, Bottom 5 included would be this move, with the justification each time being the word “MORONS!” repeated ad nauseum.

So I end this blog outraged.  I suspect a tribe shake-up next week.  Lets hope, for MY viewing pleasure, that Colton is eliminated.

MORONS!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs