Idol Speculation: “Survivor Kaoh Rong” Finale: Everybody Hates Cydney

Say what you will about the finale of “Survivor Kaoh Rong”, but in my opinion, it was entertaining. Sure, it was pretty bog-standard at times, and sure, where it DID deviate from the norm were areas that would be pretty controversial. But it was still hilarious. And, as the title may indicate, our highlight of the night was once again the result of a fire-making challenge at the final four.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, and start back at the beginning, where Mark the Chicken threatens his own life in the game by waking everybody up at oh-dark-thirty in the morning. Tai, no fan of the snooze button, takes Mark out for a cuddle session by the beach, where he talks about his drive to win the game, and while it’s a confessional we’ve seen a million times before, it’s still kind of sweet. Around this time, we also get more of a “Michele is determined” confessional, which is unsurprising and uninteresting.

Once dawn has actually broken, we get to hear some strategy from Aubry and Tai. The pair agree to stick together (smart for both of them, since Aubry needs a solid ally, and Tai needs the girls not to stick together and get him out), and correctly decide to target Michele. The grounds for this, rather than Michele being the biggest jury threat after Aubry, is that Cydney’s the person most likely to be swayed to their side. Not the only logic I’d expect from this crew, but I can definitely see their point in this matter. Either way, the pair come up with the best option for both of them.

At our reward challenge, we get our first misstep: Copying “Survivor Worlds Apart”. Granted, if you’re going to copy an element from “Survivor Worlds Apart”, this challenge is one to do it on. Each contestant slides tiles with numbers on one side, line patterns on the other, into a hole, hitting a pan. Once all their tiles are slid, they must carry as many as possible on the flat of a machete to a finish table. There, they pair up matching line patterns, using the numbers from the three unique tiles to open a combination lock, winning reward. While I do wish we got an original challenge, as always, this one is a pretty good one to do, bringing in a nice “do it yourself” aesthetic, but having several fun stages to watch. I’ll let it slide this time.

While our challenge comes from “Survivor Worlds Apart”, our reward comes circa “Survivor Exile Island”. It’s a full-course meal with a protein bar added on for somewhat of a comedic effect. A pretty good reward to have (though not the best we’ll see tonight), and it’s not a game-breaker like a challenge advantage, so I’m happy there. I’m also happy that we get a pretty even challenge overall, though Aubry ends up taking the lead to win. While she does lose a lot of it, due to a mistake in the pattern matching, she ends up winning the challenge overall, good for her. And, of course, Probst offers her the chance to bring somebody along for the ride. After a bit of thought, Aubry chooses Cydney, which, contrary to what Michele will say later, I say is the correct decision. She and Tai were talking about needing to bring Michele into the fold, and what better way to do so than by sharing a feast with her? On top of this, if the goal is for Michele not to win immunity, then you want to maximize those chances by bringing someone along, and in terms of challenge ability, Cydney is the clear choice.

The food works its magic, and Cydney hops right on board with Aubry. She admits she’s playing in the middle, which frankly is what she should be doing, but she also says her “ideal” final three would be herself, Aubry, and Tai, so that seems pretty definitive to me. As I said last week, and will continue to say this episode, Cydney has played an excellent game overall, having a very good read on people, and always making sure she has a backup plan to stay in power. But if I WERE to find a flaw in it, apart from perhaps moving away from the old To Tang when she would have been pretty well guaranteed final three against less-likable players, it would be this here. Aubry and Tai should NOT be Cydney’s idea final three. Michele and Aubry should be. At this point, with how many days there are left, we have to assume that there’s going to be a final two at this point. Whether Cydney can win against anybody left, I don’t know, but your primary goal going into a final three should be to have people who will take you to the end on either side of you, thus lowering the pressure on that final immunity challenge. Going with Aubry and Tai means that you’re stuck with at least one person who won’t take you regardless (Tai), and one person who sees you as a threat (Aubry). Going with Aubry and Michele means that you have your biggest competition angling to get each other out, rather than yourself. BOOM! Guaranteed spot at Final Tribal Council. Keep that in mind. The food is working its magic.

Back at the camp, we’re in reruns, as Michele points out to Tai that they’re on the bottom, and that perhaps they ought to work together to oust Aubry. This is also where Michele criticizes Aubry’s taking of Cydney on reward, and again, I have to disagree. You’re pissing off two people regardless, and since there’s no way Aubry is taking you, she’s going to be leaving someone behind to plot with you regardless. Better to leave Tai behind, since he’s more firmly on her side. Just like last episode, Tai talks about it being an individual game, and how he may need to flip on Aubry for his own benefit, but this time I don’t buy it. Once bitten, twice shy, but if Tai wasn’t going to flip on Aubry when he was pissed off and it was in his best interest, no way he does so now.

Not done with our repetition of “Survivor Worlds Apart”, the immunity challenge is ALSO a repeat of a challenge from that season. Running to a platform in the water, contestants take a key back to shore and unlock a ladder, which leads to second key, which unlocks a ball and rope, which they use to pull down a ladder, which leads to a third key, which unlocks a pole with which to push off a bag of puzzle pieces, which then must be used to solve a puzzle to win immunity. An overly complicated challenge, and overall just kind of dull, though I’ll admit that the puzzle is nicely different, and the stairs and ladder unfolding was kind of cool to watch.

As with a lot of boring challenges, it’s saved with a good bit of back-and-forth. Aubry once again takes an early lead, but stumbles on the puzzle, while Tai and Cydney trade places a lot, and Michele oddly slows down on the physical portions of the challenge. That doesn’t matter as much, though, as Michele comes back to win immunity! A nice win on her part, but probably the worst possible outcome for Aubry. Now that her primary target is gone, she herself is likely to become a target, and at the very least, she’ll have to vote out someone who’d likely take her to the final two.

Sure enough, as soon as we get back to camp, the wheels start turning. True to her word about keeping her options open, when Michele broaches the subject of getting rid of Aubry, Cydney jumps right on board. We don’t see her advocate for getting rid of Tai, which at this point would probably be her best move, but since it seems like Michele wouldn’t go for that anyway, it’s probably not that big of a deal. And Aubry is a real threat, so might as well get her out anyway.

Tai, on the other hand, is not so easily swayed. We get some lip service to the fact that he MAY decide to just keep it simple and vote for Aubry, but with the way he and Aubry talk, plus the history they’ve had together, you can tell it’s not going to happen, and a tie (or a Tai, if you will), is going to be forced. If you needed any big evidence for it, look no further than the notable conversation where Cydney asks Michele if she ought to practice making fire, and Michele says no. If that wasn’t epic foreshadowing for a fire-making challenge, as well as for the outcome, I don’t know what is.

That particular Tribal Council, in a rarity for the season, is pretty ho-hum, though to be fair, we all know it’s just window-dressing for the main event. Sure enough, we get our promised tie, and Cydney and Aubry, the two allies, just duke it out in a fire-making challenge. And let me tell you, this is the highlight of the episode. Oh, not because it’s incredibly close like the battle between Bobby Jon and Stephenie on “Survivor”, nor is it hilariously bad like the one on “Survivor Cook Islands”, but for the jury’s reaction. The whole “Jury may not interact with players.” rule has varied in how strictly it’s enforced, and this is by no means the most emotive jury we’ve ever seen, but this was really lopsided in how the jurors wanted it to go. I mean, I know Cydney made some enemies on the jury, but she was just REVILED by most of them. Granted, it was kind of funny that Cydney’s fire never really even got off the ground, but this was really a case of “Burn the witch!” level of ill will towards Cydney.

In the end, the jury gets their wish, and Cydney gets the axe. Especially after that trashing she took from the jury, I have to say it’s a loss. As I said, Cydney’s game may not have been the strongest out of everyone left, but that’s more of a testament to the strength of the others games than to any weakness in Cydney’s game. She played hard, and by and large she played well, and so will be missed. That said, if someone had to go at this time, she was probably the least interesting person left, and the least likely to win, so from that perspective, it’s the least of all evils. As I say, though, no disrespect there for Cydney. She has well earned a good spot in “Survivor” history.

Michele, naturally, is upset back at the camp, given that people are only NOW starting to realize that this season is going to be a final two rather than a final three. The three try and console each other, repeating over and over that there CAN’T be any more votes, and that they’re at the end. Frankly, I’m sick of it! Look, wishful thinking is one thing, but this is just denying the facts! Sometimes the game doesn’t work out the way you want it to, and that can be frustrating, but there’s no sense in denying it!

See? There’s tree-mail right now telling you to go for your final challenge, and now you’ll have to do the hard work of deciding who to go to the end with. Probst is taking off the necklace, once and for all confirming that… they’re the final three and will go on to plead their case at Final Tribal Council?

Please hold for a moment while the blogger goes and puts his brain back in. It fell out due to being improperly secured during that sharp turn.

POP! Ok, so yes, the optimists were right, and this is a final three. Have to admit, I didn’t see that coming. They got me. Good one. Granted, I generally prefer final twos over final threes, and so am a bit frustrated in that regard, but, due to how impressed I am at the producers pulling the wool over our eyes so, I have a hard time being frustrated at it. Plus, what we get instead is also really cool.

Yes, for once Probst’s grandstanding about “A ‘Survivor’ First!” was not, in fact, grandstanding, but the real deal. Rather than play for immunity, our players instead play for the right to kick one member off the jury. They’ll leave Tribal Council, be sequestered so they can’t unduly influence the votes, and get no say at the Final Tribal Council. Now, I know for a fact that this twist has some backlash, and I can’t pretend it’s not without merit. Something just seems unfair about putting some poor schmo on the jury only to have his or her last moment in the sun ripped away on the whim of one player. It goes against what seems to be at the core of normal “Survivor”. I, on the other hand, really like this twist! True, it does seem to fundamentally change “Survivor” from what we knew, but frankly, a good twist will do that. Personally, I see this as merely adding a new layer of jury management, and like it better than, say, a “challenge advantage”, because it’s less of a guarantee, and requires brains to be used smartly. So yeah, I think this is a cool idea! Wouldn’t want to see it used EVERY season, but if they brought it back, I wouldn’t complain.

The challenge itself? Well, in a fitting parallel to the beginning of the season, the past has come back to haunt our contestants. You remember how the first immunity challenge had a choice of a puzzle or a stacking end, and nobody did stacking? Well, not being ones to waste an opportunity, that horrible stacking option is now the final challenge of this season. You could avoid it temporarily, but not entirely, if you made it to the end. Even though it’s not an immunity challenge, and it’s visually boring, this is probably my favorite final challenge in a while. Though not exactly endurance, it’s not a strength challenge, and seems tough enough to be worthy of coming last in a season. Plus, as I said, the parallels to the beginning of the season are a nice touch.

Once again, we get a good back and forth challenge, and once again Michele edges out the competition, leaving her with the decision of who to vote off. Talking with Tai, Michele reveals to no one’s surprise that her primary target is Joe, due to being an unpersuadable Aubry vote, which makes perfect logical sense. Michele also considers taking out Neal, since he’s also a likely Aubry vote, but with more persuasive skills than Joe. Not bad logic, and Tai certainly pushes evicting Neal, but I’m inclined to say that Joe is still the better option. Not that Neal is a BAD option, since he is probably an Aubry vote, but I feel like Neal would be more open to persuasive arguments than Joe would. I hear the argument about Neal being able to persuade others, but, much as the show would have us believe that Final Tribal Council votes can be swayed, I feel like, with maybe a few jurors as exceptions, everyone’s vote is locked in by the time we get to Tribal Council. So, I say go with the least-persuadable sure vote against you.

Aubry being Aubry, of course, does not let one of her jury advocates go so easily. She attempts to switch the vote on to Scot, since he’s deemed “Most likely to give a bitter speech.”, which Michele seems to consider, but I’m not buying it. Michele has played logically pretty much the entire game, and logic dictates that Aubry, being Michele’s biggest threat, needs to have any sure votes for her taken away.

With fewer stakes, and a more predictable outcome, this Tribal Council is also little to write home about, though again, the vocalizations of the jury are a joy to watch, and we do get a bit of a spat near the end. Unsurprisingly, Michele goes for Neal, who was far more of an Aubry advocate than I though, REALLY tearing Michele apart as he leaves, comparing her to a suckling puppy. I get that Neal was an Aubry fan, and that he didn’t really get to see Michele’s game, but that was HARSH, man! For all that I am an Aubry fan, and think that of those remaining, her game was the best, Michele is still not to be disrespected. She played both sides of the fence masterfully from behind the scenes, and was incredibly flexible. She makes an excellent winner for the season. Maybe not the BEST possible winner, but excellent nonetheless.

Since it’s nigh-on impossible to find new things to talk about on Day 39, Tai, Aubry, and Michele pretty much just give us the standard confessionals you’d expect at this point in the game. Michele has the “I’ve played a good game.” confessional, Tai the “I love the game so much.” confessional, and Aubry the “I’ve learned so much!” confessional, mixed with a little bit of “Good game” confessional as well. Hopefully Tribal Council will be more interesting.

Sad to say, but it’s not. While by no means the worst we’ve ever seen, I don’t feel it really merits a blow-by-blow, especially since we’re going to have a lot to cover following the end of the episode itself. So, without further ado, here are some highlights:

-Even though he had perhaps the least to say out of anybody, Nick arrogance still managed to shine through. His “question” basically amounted to a preschooler’s guide to Final Tribal Council, with a little bit of personal advice thrown in for the players. Frankly, I wouldn’t have bothered noting it were it not for the fact that the image of Nick teaching preschoolers about “Survivor” makes me laugh.

-I’ll admit, the show got me one more time tonight. Julia’s question had me fooled. What everyone (including myself) saw as a locked “Michele” vote starts lambasting Michele in her question, talking about her early-game weakness. She turned it around of course, but it was still a well-done fake-out.

-With regards to that, actually, Michele’s answer to that was pretty bad, I thought. She and Aubry both gave pretty good Final Tribal Council performances overall, but while Aubry was maybe less exciting overall, she was more consistent. Rather than try and say that she wasn’t as weak as she seemed early game, Michele owned up to it and used it instead. This lead to the emotionally punctuating moments that Aubry didn’t have that may have clinched Michele’s win, but still, it seemed like Michele was admitting that she was kind of pathetic early on, and not in a good way. Just an odd choice to me.

-So, for all that worry about Scot being a bitter juror who might shake things up, he ends with… a hula dance. Oooh-kayyyy…

-And yeah, sending off Mark the Chicken was a nice farewell to the season. Good for you, show.

As I’ve been hinting at, Michele ends up winning in a 5-2 vote, and I have thoughts on that, believe me, but first, let us talk briefly about the reunion show, which, while not as bad as the reunion show of “Survivor Caramoan”, is still pretty bad. Too much time spent on celebrities, and not enough time with the contestants. So many unanswered questions. Who voted for whom? What do the pre-merge boots think about everything? What would Neal have asked at Final Tribal Council? And what did Cydney have to think about everything? Seriously, I can kind of get the logic in ignoring the pre-merge boots, even if I think it’s a douchey move, but ignoring CYDNEY? The lady who was a MAJOR influence on the course of the game, and even made the final episode, doesn’t even get a QUESTION at the reunion show? I’m so angry at this, I’m going to switch to text-speak. WTF, MAN?

Oh, and of course we also get our preview for next season. It’s going to be called “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen X”.

Ha ha! No seriously, what’s it going to be called! This can’t be the actual title! It sounds like a MAD TV parody?

This isn’t a joke? It’s the actual title and theme of next season Hoo boy, where to begin?

Well, I suppose to start off, THIS IS A STUPID TITLE! We’ve had “versus” titles before, but those have been succinct and roll off the tongue. This title lolls around like it’s on a bunch of painkillers. Secondly, the theme is stupid. Apart from seeming more gimmicky than other tribe divisions, it basically amounts to diving the tribes by age. Which you already did. “Survivor Nicaragua.” Yeah, remember how that went? Granted, I’ve always said the concept could be done better, and maybe this season will give us that, but still, if you were going to reuse an idea, why this one? And, thirdly, THIS IS A STUPID TITLE! Seriously, even “Survivor Worlds Apart” knew not to call itself “Survivor White Collar vs. Blue Collar vs. No Collar”! It’s not even like finding a good title was hard. Here, I’ll give you one right now: “Survivor Generations” Is it lame? Sure. But it’s still better than “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen X”! Hell, from now on, I’m referring to it as “Survivor MGX”. I am NOT typing out that title week after week!

Ah, but that’s a rant to have next season, and a long way off in the future, so for now, we’ll just pretend it doesn’t exist. For now, it’s time to talk about the big issue of this season: the winner. Well, I say “issue”, but really, “controversy” would be a better word, because surprisingly enough, I don’t have much of an issue with Michele winning. As I have said before, and will say again, Michele played a great, if subtle, game. She never gave, up, was able to adequately play the middle without taking flak for it, and took risks. Is she the person I think SHOULD have won? No, of course not. As an avowed Aubry fan, I stand behind the fact that Aubry played the best game of the three. Aubry faced setback after setback, yet still came into positions of power, and was the driving force behind a number of flips and votes in the game. Had she won, she would have earned it. But Michele earned her win as well, I don’t begrudge her that. In my mind, this is not a case of the jury getting anything “wrong”, or of an “undeserving winner”, partly because in the case of the latter, I don’t take “deserving” into account, because I don’t think it’s a thing that should really come into play on “Survivor”. Both Aubry and Michele played great games, and while I think Aubry’s was better, Michele did not “steal” the game from Aubry, as some have claimed. She played a good game as well, and it earned her a win.

Still, the question remains: Why Michele over Aubry? We can only speculate, but there are some reasons being touted that I have to just dismiss. Some argue that Neal’s elimination cost Aubry the win, which I think is absurd. he would have been one more Aubry vote, but that’s still only three for her, so Michele wins either way. Contrary to what the show says, I DON’T buy the indecisiveness on the part of people like Jason, so I don’t think Neal’s presence would have drastically changed the outcome. Nor do I buy the conspiracy that the producers implemented the “remove a juror” twist last-minute to prevent a tie. Maybe I’m naive, but I tend to give the producers the benefit of a doubt on things like this, and attribute it to “Survivor” luck that they tend to work out well. Look at the mutiny twist from “Survivor Thailand” as an example of implementing a twist and having it go wrong. Did Aubry put the wrong people on the jury? Again, I have to say I don’t think so. Recall that even some of the people who voted against Aubry, like Jason and Scot, were complimenting her right before they were voted out. That seems like the sort of person you’d want on the jury, so how was Aubry supposed to have known? Was this a “bitter jury”? What evidence is there for it? There was no ranting about people’s games being ruined, nor any tirades from anyone but Neal, who wasn’t even there. That, to me, says no bitterness, especially since there IS a case for Michele’s game. No, I think it was a combination of two factors that did Aubry in this time, both of which were, to a degree, out of her control. The first was the tightness of Jason, Julia, and Scot. I’ll admit this was a failing on my part, but while I knew that Julia was definitely in Michele’s corner, I counted on Jason and Scot being free agents come Final Tribal Council. I should have realized that tight in-game usually means tight on-jury. I think wherever Julia went, Jason and Scot would follow, so that’s three Michele votes right off the bat. A hard hill to overcome. Had Aubry voted out Michele post-merge, or Julia pre-merge, things might have been different, but in the case of the latter, there’s no telling how things would have unfolded from there, and I can see why Aubry didn’t consider Michele a threat, since her game was so on the down-low. Second, and I think most important, is timing. Both Aubry and Michele had a “rising from underdogdom” narrative to work with, and I’d say both used it to great effect. I would say that Aubry’s story overcame greater odds and had greater successes, but that’s just me. The advantage that did Aubry is is when her story peaked. Aubry showed her true self right around the Scot vote, fairly late in the game, but it made the back half of her game seems somewhat weaker. In comparison, Michele’s big moments mostly came at the end, what with getting Neal off the jury and surviving Tai’s double-vote. This makes Michele’s successes more recent, and therefore more prescient in the minds of the jury. Again, not saying that that’s ALL Michele had going for her, but I think it ultimately tipped the scales.

Even without the ideal outcome, though, this was still a great season! While maybe not as big in terms of characters as its predecessor, “Survivor Cambodia”, it still gave us a lot of likable people with really excellent strategy and fun blindsides! What more could you ask for in a season of “Survivor”? I know some complain that the players weren’t as over the top or as likable this season as others, but I’d counter that you can’t expect every season to top the previous one. It’s just not realistic. As it stands, what we got, while admittedly probably not the stuff of “Survivor” legend, is still upper-echelon “Survivor”, and I look forward to seeing many of these players back in the future!

But, before we leave these players for a while, let us reflect back on my stupidity in my rankings pre-season, and find out where I went wrong.

Peter: I may have given him too much credit, and slightly overestimated his time in the game, but I nailed him otherwise.

Aubry: Her personality I got, but I should have gone with my heart rather than my head on her time in the game. She lived up to, and often surpassed, my greatest expectations.

Joe: Wrong, but in my defense, those biographies and introduction videos make everyone seem more exciting. How was I to know he’d be the new Julia Landauer (“Survivor Caramoan”)?

Neal: Wrong, obviously. I think he had what it takes, but he never really got the chance to show it off, and so went a lot earlier than expected.

Liz: She seemed to have what I thought she would, but was a target much earlier than I guessed.

Debbie: Definitely kookier than I would have thought, but she still acquitted herself very well. Better than I thought, anyway.

Cydney: Dead wrong. There were ASPECTS of her character, particularly early on, that lined up with how I thought she’d play, but she was WAY smarter and made it WAY farther than I would have said. Still, if I’m going to be wrong, this is a good way to be wrong!

Darnell: Wrong. Much less socially aware, and much shorter lived than I thought.

Alecia: She did give me a reason for that “tough” description, but I was still wrong about how long she’d last.

Jason: Wrong. He was dramatic, but in a way that gelled with his tribe, and so made it much farther than I predicted.

Jennifer: I predicted neither her neuroticism nor her early exit. Wrong, but fun.

Scot: He was MAYBE a bit smarter than I predicted, but I’m giving myself this one overall. He left about when I though, and played about how I thought.

Anna: I try and give the “pro poker player” occupation the benefit of a doubt, and look what happens! Wrong!

Nick: Well, he was an arrogant douchebag and left the first time he was vulnerable, so TECHNICALLY, I was right.

Caleb: Right on personality, wrong on time in the game. Then again, how could I have predicted his medevac?

Julia: Wrong. While I can’t say she was any more interesting than I thought, she did make it very far, and was pretty good strategically.

Tai: Wrong. He was far more flexible than I would have thought, and lasted longer for it.

Michele: If there’s one consolation to Michele’s win, it’s that I CALLED IT! NEENER NEENER NEENER!

As I said before, good cast, good season. My feeling overall is that people like this season less than I do, and the success of Aubry probably has something to do with my inflated score, but even taking that into account, I think this season stands on its own. It has a lot of strategy right from the get-go, has generally likable heroes who end up succeeding in the end, and even if it’s not ground-breaking, it’s still solid. This season was under-hyped before it began, and I think now I understand why the medevacs were emphasized over the gameplay. While quite good, the gameplay still wasn’t groundbreaking, whereas the medevacs were something we don’t see every season, and for good reason (though Probst attributing all of them to heat was an error on his part). Thus, you want to emphasize the most unique aspect of your season, to make it stand out. Granted, I think they still could have talked about a season of “heroes and villains, and epic blindsides” along with the medevacs, but I can definitely see from a marketing standpoint why they might not be what you want to emphasize.

If nothing else, this season has given me one thing that I love, and therefore it’s time for another…

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

Today, we’re talking about my personal favorite contestants of all time. Not the best ones, just the ones I enjoy watching the most and least. Guess who ends up on the list from this season.

TOP 5

5. Rupert Boneham (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Like I said, this list is for the people I enjoy watching the most, not the people I think played the best games overall. In fact, Rupert is maybe the best exemplar there is of how good gameplay does not automatically equate to entertainment value for me. Despite having next to no strategy, and generally getting carried along for being an easy vote, Rupert is still a fun guy to watch. You can tell that he’s trying to live every minute he can to the best that he can, is over the top and hilarious, and I admire his stick-to-it spirit. He’s one of the guys who got me into “Survivor”, and I owe him for that, plus I can identify with the “fat little picked-on kid” thing. That said, Rupert does fall low on the list because of his overall poor gameplay, and the fact that we’ve seen too much of him overall. Three times was all he needed. Still, he’s so over-the-top and crazy fun that you can understand why he got brought back so often.

4. Stephen Fishbach (“Survivor Tocantins”): Stephen perhaps best exemplifies what I generally like in an entertaining “Survivor” character. He’s smart, but a little neurotic. Witty, but can take jokes and potshots at himself as easily as others. Stephen played a really fascinating game, making alliances with people you wouldn’t expect him to bond with, and showing himself to be tougher than even he thought, making him intensely compelling. His second showing wasn’t as good as I had hoped, but he was still a lot of fun to watch, even if it was at the expense of his misery.

3. Kass McQuillen (“Survivor Cagayan”): Put down the hate sticks, this is my list! What can I say, I think “older” ladies (within the context of the show old, not actually old) who can still be strategic are incredibly compelling. They, in general, are the ultimate contradiction in terms, the supreme underdog. Many like Kass simply for her snarky comments and seemingly no sense of social grace, but for me, I like that she has hidden depths. Look a little deeper and you’ll see a woman who knows a lot more than she lets on, and is able to at times fool even the audience. That means that, no matter what you watch her for, you’ll always get a surprise. Plus, she had that incredible come-from-behind victory on the puzzle. That, in my book, helps make a great character.

2. John Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”): Pretty much the previous contestant I identify most with. Cochran exemplifies all things that are “nerdy”, at least within the context of “Survivor”. he could reference just as well, if not better, than the rest of the audience, and as seen in his second outing, the guy really did know his way around the game. Granted, his antics did sometimes descend into self-parody, and that keeps him from the top spot of this list, but even keeping that in mind, he’s still a character like no other, and in many ways, a really good one.

1. Aubry Bracco (“Survivor Kaoh Rong”): Yes, she of the numerous “Survivor” comparisons has won me over. It’s fitting that they showed the tweet of her cosplaying as Cochran at the reunion show, since that’s what ultimately won me over. No, I don’t want to have sex with Cochran, but it did bring home to me that Aubry, in many ways, was Cochran, but with more social graces and less of a stereotype. She made references, but didn’t go overboard with them overall. More than that, though, Aubry was once again a good underdog story. Someone who had arguably some of the worst luck “Survivor” could shower upon you, yet kept digging and somehow would up in the end. Sure, she didn’t win, but that’s how the game goes sometimes. For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed her, and look forward to seeing her in the future.

Honorable Mention: Kathy Vavrick-O’Brien (“Survivor Marquesas”): If Aubry is Cochran with more social graces, then in many ways, Kathy is Kass with more social graces. Another “older” lady who didn’t seem to belong out there, yet somehow weaseled her way into the end with some solid gameplay moments along the way. Kathy also has a good underdog story arc, being one of the best examples of people learning to play as they go, and being very likable on top of that. Two things keep her from the list proper. Partly, she’s not as intellectual as someone like Kass, and it’s a personal preference, but I prefer watching intellect to outdoor skills. Second, and more important, she falls outside my “nostalgia zone”. I watched “Survivor Marquesas” many years after it had aired, so I don’t hold much special attachment to the season. If I did, Kathy might have supplanted Rupert on the list, but Rupert has that nostalgia factor, and just edges her out. She’s still awesome, though.

BOTTOM 5

5. Roger Sexton (“Survivor The Amazon”): This is a case where my rage would probably be much higher if I had a nostalgic attachment to this season. As it stands, though, sexism will not be rewarded, except with a spot on the “Bottom 5”. “Battle of the Sexes” seasons seem to bring out the worst tendencies in male “Survivor” contestants, but Roger exemplifies that, in a sense, by being the least extreme about it. Rather than be an affected, over-the-top sexism, Roger just seems casually sexist in general, pretty much ignoring the women come the merge. In some ways, though, this is worse, since it makes it seem as though this is how Roger really is, rather than an exaggerated character. This, in my eyes, makes him an awful human being, and hard to watch as a result.

4. Kat Edorsson (“Survivor One World”): I’ve had many a rant about this young lady, so I’ll be brief here. While there are exceptions to this rule, I generally like my characters intellectually stimulating and witty. Kat is the opposite of this. She, as a character, exemplifies every stereotype associated with the valley girl. She is stupid, vapid, and unfunny, which is perhaps the worst indictment of all. She’s not an awful human being, like some on this list are, but she’s no fun to watch either.

3. “Purple Kelly” (“Survivor Nicaragua”): Technically, she’s a stand in for everyone who gives up on “Survivor”, but still justified in that Kelly Shinn, aka “Purple Kelly”, exemplifies my problem with this type of character. People quitting, at this point in the series, was nothing new, but people who brought nothing, and gave up under the lamest of circumstances, are wasted space. You can’t help but think “that spot could have gone to someone worthy!”, and it’s pretty hard to like someone when you’re thinking that.

2. Phillip Sheppard (“Survivor Redemption Island”): My problem with Phillip may not be his fault, but, to paraphrase the man himself, “He annoys me greatly.” The man took time away from actual interesting people to go off and act crazy, and I don’t mean that in the racist way. Phillip, rather than talk strategy, garbled crazy philosophy, and THOUGHT he was talking strategy. Especially in his first outing, the man did NOTHING to merit being cast on the season, yet the marketing department kept coming back to him as this “hilarious” ball of comedy. Which he wasn’t. I hope I’ve made that clear.

1. Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”): And so, we come to the ultimate delusion of grandeur. Like with Kat, I feel as though I’ve talked about this a number of times, so I’ll be brief. Russell is basically a grown up whiny little kid who grossly overestimates himself, then bitches and moans when things don’t go his way. He has no respect for the game, is misogynistic, simplistic, and a leech on our viewing time. May he be gone from our screens forever.

Honorable Mention: Colton Cumbie (“Survivor One World”): Colton was basically another Russell Hantz, although he focussed more on racism than sexism, and amped the whininess up to a whole new level. I leave him off the list because, after the tragic and unfortunate death of his fiancee, Caleb Bankstown (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”), I feel like the poor guy has had enough hard times, and doesn’t need me putting him down. The least I can do is keep him off the list proper.

PHEW! I’m just about beat. After a satisfactory end to a great season, I’m about ready for a short break! I may be away for a couple weeks, but don’t worry, you’ll still get your off-season content. I’ve got a special blog I’ve been wanting to do since the season began, so keep your eyes peeled. And, of course, “Survivor Retrospectives” will be up and running again before you know it!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.