Idol Speculation: “Survivor Edge of Extinction” “Finale”: Rise of the Quotation Marks

Well, “Survivor”, credit where credit is due: You did it. You managed to give us another first. Many would have thought it impossible after 38 seasons of the show, but they managed it. Yes, I can definitely say without a doubt, this season…

IS THE WORST THING THIS SHOW HAS EVER DONE IN THE ENTIRETY OF ITS EXISTENCE! Look, I’ve tried to be as fair as possible to this season. I tried not to go in hating it on the twist alone. I gave it credit where it earned it. Hell, I would even say some of the merge episodes were pretty good. Not legendary, mind you, but entertaining and worthy of the “Survivor” brand. But that ending. Good Lord, that ending! I had prepared myself for this possibility. I thought I was ok with it, but the more and more I think about it, the more and more it just pisses me off. Yes, “Survivor Fiji” can now rest easy. It has stopped being the general punching bag of bad “Survivor” seasons for me. Be prepared for a number of “Survivor Edge of Extinction” jokes in the future. What could make a season so bad that even the presence of my beloved Aubry cannot earn it any credit?

Well, before we find out, we have to delay talking about this awful “finale” with another round of…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

I’ll keep this one brief, but I feel it’s important to touch on. For all that I give Rick credit for what he was able to do, and how he’s able to win over the jury, I wasn’t impressed with his performance at the previous Tribal Council. The whole “righteous indignation” thing worked at the Ron boot, because Rick had actually been tricked in what could be interpreted as a mean-spirited way. This time, however? He’s just mocking their inability to vote him out. Kind of giving back the whole “mean-spirited” thing, and losing the high ground, Rick.

Moving on to our episode proper, you’d think we’d start out at the fallout of the previous Tribal Council. HA HA! You fool! That’s for seasons that DON’T have 8/9ths of the contestants left in the final episode! Because heaven forbid a great character become an early martyr! Yes, we’re going straight to our “Edge of Extinction” challenge, which is your standard ropes course with a table maze at the end, though with a few cool elements. One is the maze itself, which is distinguishable by having the holes for the balls in separate spots, at the midpoint and the end, rather than side-by-side. The big draw, here, is the bridge to the table maze. Rather than your standard plank puzzle bridge, players use the ropes they’ve been navigating through to build the bridge, which is a new idea that works on “Survivor”, and is pretty challenging. Shame it has to be wasted on as overall lackluster a challenge as this.

Now, with 16 people competing in arguably their most important challenge of their game, we of course need some idea of who’s in it to win it. The smart thing to do would have been to build story arcs for those on the Edge of Extinction, like you would do in a NORMAL season, and then let this challenge be the culmination of said story arcs. This being “Survivor Edge of Extinction” they instead do the dumb thing of giving us little to nothing of most of our players, and instead just have the frontrunners get out early in the challenge. Thus, we quickly learn that only Aurora, Eric, Joey Amazing, and Chris are really in contention. Aubry, despite my hopes and predictions, chokes. Even worse, she chokes on the part of the challenge SHE HAD PRACTICED! No, it does not diminish my love for her, and no, it does not contribute to my newfound hatred for this season. Even if Aubry’s loss could be counted as a “sin”, believe me, it would be the LEAST of the sins here.

Out of these four, Chris is our winner. I suppose of those four, he had the closest thing to a story arc, though I lump his “I didn’t get my perfect game.” storyline with Andrew Savage’s “I’m missing my perfect supermodel wife from my life where everything except ‘Survivor’ is perfect!” storyline: It exists, but is pointless and whiny, serving only to turn me against the character. We get our teary farewell confessionals from our remaining contestants who are now, mercifully out of the game. I suppose it’s decently emotional, but more due to the mirror neurons firing than due to the confessionals themselves actually being emotional.

This leads to our first forced Probst segment, where he talks to Joe about losing the game again. After getting an assurance from Joe that Joe thinks he himself can win, Probst nearly has a heart attack when Joe is noncommittal about returning. Trying to salvage the situation, Probst goes for what I describe as “comedy” only in the loosest sense of the term, going on about Joe’s hair being his weakness. Probst, might I suggest you look up the story of “Samson and Delilah”? You might learn a few things about suggest haircuts.

Getting back to camp, Chris now has the daunting task of integrating himself into a group that has every reason to want him gone, and half of whom he hasn’t even played with prior to this day. To his credit, I think he plays it off as best he can here. He talks about the harshness of Edge of Extinction, and how exhausted he is from playing on it. However, he also highlights the insights he has to the jury, and how he’s willing to talk about them with anyone. This simultaneously diminishes Chris’ threat level, while also giving him a bargaining chip in any conversation. His salesman’s skills mean that to the untrained eye, this comes off as genuine. Fortunately for us, Victoria is highly intelligent, as well as having a good bullshit detector. She notes that OF COURSE this is what Chris is going to say, and affirms that he and Rick are targets A and B.

Chris, of course, still needs allies, and so speaks with Rick, the one person who might have his back. Indeed, Rick notes the irony of the situation: How he had helped vote Chris out, only to be voted out himself, and now the two need to work together if they hope to survive. Rick admits to some mistrust, but the guy with no allies to speak of takes what he can get.

Obstacle course number one is nothing to speak of, though I’ll give credit that the circular puzzle is better this time, in and of that you can’t simply look at the logo to get the design. You’d have to examine the immunity idol, which is harder to see at a distance and less frequently examined closely. Julie ends up the victor, which would be uneventful were it not for the way she wins. Oh, I’m not talking about her mistake in building the border first rather than building vertically to help prevent puzzle collapse. No, Chris, recognizing his own inevitable loss of the challenge, stops what he’s doing to help Julie. This, understandably, gets the attention of Rick, who was decently close in the challenge, and is naturally unhappy about a supposed ally helping to ensure his defeat. This is played up as a big deal, and I think it SHOULD have been a big deal, but for two guys with few alliance prospects, I doubt they can let this come between them.

Julie also wins steak dinner, with the choice to bring two people along with her. Hoo boy, does Julie drop the ball here. Chris is her first choice, and I get where she’s coming from in the “he hasn’t had anything to eat since he got voted out” thing, plus the whole “helped her win the challenge” thing, but Julie, it’s the end of the game. Time to be cutthroat. Need I remind you that you are STRENGTHENING ARGUABLY THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE THREAT LEFT IN THE GAME WHO YOU AREN’T EVEN ALLIED WITH? Sigh. At least her second pick, Lauren, makes a little more sense, since they did work together and all before, but despite this, it still alienates her allies. Specifically Victoria, which even RICK calls out as a dumb move on her part. Need I remind you that the only times Victoria HASN’T voted correctly has been when she’s helping out with a split vote? She seems like a person you don’t want to piss off.

Over dinner, our castaways discuss their vote-out options. Rick is of course the primary target, and Chris proves his loyalty by covering for Rick’s idol, which Rick had revealed to him in their previous talk. This then leads to who the backup should be, with the idea floated out that Victoria be the next one to go. Makes sense. She seems popular, and I think has been a low-key major decision maker this entire time. Rick is, of course, planning to use his idol tonight, though whether he’ll go against Chris or not is up in the air. After all, if he were to sway Gavin and Victoria to his side, he’d be able to at least tie, and then rely on everyone else’s self-preservation instinct to break that tie. Despite saving Chris being the clear obvious choice, this is actually some interesting misdirection.

Too bad it goes nowhere! We find out that, like Rick, Chris was given an idol good for the next Tribal Council, but only if half is temporarily given to another player. Chris, recognizing the need to build trust, gives it to Rick, who now trusts Chris 100%, and cements the loss of Victoria. I’ll explain why that’s a shame in a bit, but first, let’s talk about the substitute intrigue for a bit. Rick is hardly the only person Chris has been talking to, and Lauren, at least, is willing to give him the time of day. Chris knows from Kelley that she has an idol, but has been keeping it under wraps for her. Chris tells her that what the jury is looking for is for idols to be played, and played correctly. A plausible lie told in a convincing way. So, now the question is: Will Lauren play her idol for Chris?

Yes. The answer is yes. After a throughly “nothing” Tribal Council, we find that both Lauren and Rick blow their idols. Rick needed to, but as Lauren laments, she wasted hers, with Victoria going out 2 to nothing, against the one vote Chris would have had. Victoria is a major loss for the season, in more ways than one. This gets into the first two problems this season has: who gets booted, and how they’re presented. There were some great new characters and strategists this season, and Victoria, for me, was definitely one of them. More so the latter than the former, but still intriguing, particularly given her young age. Thus, losing her loses the person I was most rooting for at this point, and while it’s a smart move to take out the smart people at this point in the game, it’s not as fun from an audience perspective. More to the point, however, is that while all these things about Victoria are true, you need to look REALLY deep to find them. For all that Victoria was a major force this season, post Aubry-boot she was pretty much nonexistent. Probst even commented at the Reunion show (which is spared quotation marks due to actually being decent this season) that Victoria played a good under-the-radar game that doesn’t get the credit it deserves. Nice sentiment, Probst, but here’s an idea: If you want people to get credit for their work, THEN ACTUALLY SHOW THEIR WORK! My God, the wasted potential here is staggering. Victoria, you deserved a much better season than the one we got.

On a positive note, I will say I admire Eric’s decision to NOT clean himself up at Ponderosa. Helps him stand out, and is a nice, respectful touch.

So, this means we get a segment with Probst detailing Victoria’s game, and hopes for the future, right? Silly viewer! Those are for who PRODUCTION cares about, not who you care about!

Getting back to camp, Rick of course foolishly sets out to look for an idol. I say “foolishly” because of course, after the backlash that the fire-making final four twist from “Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers” received, they have moved back when regular idols work to the final six, leaving only Chris’ as a legitimate idol left. Then you remember that this is “Survivor Edge of Extinction” where everything you love goes to die! Instead, Rick finds yet ANOTHER idol, thus guaranteeing himself the final four. If, at this point, you think there’s an overabundance of idols for so late in the game, you’re right! Look, I give the producers more slack on the “Advantagegeddon” even on “Survivor Game Changers” than most. While I agree that season overall was too twist-heavy, that particular event I say was more due to the contestants then having balls of steel to hold their idols and advantages so long. But putting in new idols when there’s only one legitimate vote left in the game? That’s just too much. I will never be a fan of the fire-making final four happening automatically, but if you give us one vote with no possible idols, it becomes much more tolerable.

Not content with having TWO hidden immunity idols in the game, Rick now decides he needs FAKE idols in the game as well. He hides a pair of them (with notes from his previous idols for legitimacy), which Lauren and Julie, having learned from their previous efforts of NOT following Rick, find. Rick proves just how much of the high ground he’s taking by laughing obnoxiously behind their backs as they make these efforts. Our hero, everybody.

Our second immunity challenge is your standard ropes obstacle course with little fanfare, though putting it over water was a nice touch. Rick wins, rendering his idol DOUBLY pointless, but making for an interesting situation back at camp. You see, everyone BUT Gavin thinks they’re safe. Preying on this, Rick suggest that he’ll play his idol on Gavin if Gavin votes with them. Gavin, not being a moron, jumps at the chance. But who should they target. The debate, by default, is between Julie and Lauren. Lauren’s played a more dominant game in their eyes, while Julie might have more friends on the jury. The answer, however, is quite obvious to me. Julie must go. Yes, Lauren has a stronger game overall, but it’s not one necessarily respected by the jury. Who the jury wants to win is the biggest factor at this point, making Julie a threat. Moreover, Lauren, being original Manu, is more likely to help one or both of you out at the final four, whereas Julie is not likely to at all. Better to get rid of her.

Our second Tribal Council is just as “nothing” as the first, save for that for once people make the stupid decision. After Lauren and Julie get needlessly humiliated with the fake idols (not that I don’t think Rick shouldn’t have made them, as they did help throw the scent off of him, but the laughter was needless), Lauren gets sent home. Again, I’m sorry to see her go. While not the same level as Victoria, she had a determination I liked, and again, was probably the best non-Rick strategist left in the game. Losing her loses a lot of investment in the season, and another good player to boot.

Our final immunity challenge is the now standard “Stack blocks to make a phrase” challenge, though this one does up the game a bit by having contestants walk along an arced board while still holding the platform steady. Much as I despise this challenge for being repetitive at this point, that is a pretty clever way to shake things up. Gavin and Rick make basically no headway, so our battle comes down to Julie and Chris. Julie is overall faster, but also messes up, handing Chris an easy victory. Meaning yes, someone who was voted out of the game just over a week in, and who will have played less than two weeks total, just made the finals. I’m sure this will in no way backfire on the show whatsoever!

Chris, of course, now has to choose who will be going to fire making. He tries to play things cool with Rick, but Rick pretty quickly picks up on the fact that Chris doesn’t want him in the finals, and so goes to make fire. The debate for Chris really comes down to who he thinks can beat Rick in fire making, and he tells as much to Julie and Gavin. He coaches each of them on fire making, but no real conclusion is reached as we head off to Tribal Council.

Soon enough, we see exactly WHY no conclusion was reached: because Chris chose to take a third option. A stupid option, to be sure, but an option nonetheless. You see, Chris has decided to go full Domenick Abbate (“Survivor Ghost Island”), and give up immunity to Julie, allowing him to battle Rick for the right to remain in the game. For some reason, despite giving up immunity, Chris is allowed to choose who goes to fire making. Granted, I don’t think Julie would have chosen differently, but still, you’d think it’d be her choice, given that she now has immunity. Look, I can see the logic here. Like Domenick, Chris doesn’t want to lose votes to another worthy competitor, and so moves to eliminate that chance, at great risk to himself. It is this last part that I take issue with. No matter how much of a jury threat someone is, IT IS NEVER WORTH RISKING YOUR OWN SPOT IN THE GAME FOR THEM! This was Chris’ worst move of the night, and he’s lucky it didn’t backfire on him. Rick goes home, and again, I’m disappointed. A Rick win would have been predictable from the edit, and certainly would have had an asterisk next to it for the whole “Edge of Extinction” twist, but we at least got to see his gameplay, and he would have been an entertaining winner, if nothing else. Instead, we’re left with decent enough players and nice people, but whose stories were weak (Julie, Chris) or nonexistent (Gavin). Joy.

Between segments, we get another Probst interlude, as Rick is popular enough to warrant an interview. It’s less cringe-worthy than Joe’s segment, as really all Probst tries to do is to get Rick to follow in the footsteps of John Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”), and come work for CBS. Pointless, but nothing annoying about it.

To their credit, all our contestants actually give themselves pretty good arguments about why they should win on this particular day 39. Julie cites her willingness to change up the game, Gavin leans on his social bonds, and Chris notes the effort it took to return from Edge of Extinction. For all my complaints, this is one part the episode actually does well. For a moment, it seems like everyone has a shot.

That is, until we get to Final Tribal Council. Then, Julie at least is shut out. Frankly, of the finalists, she’s probably the one I most wanted to win, due to her arguably actually having an arc. The trouble is, said arc involves Julie acting on her emotions, and while an emotional argument can be powerful, Julie doesn’t demonstrate good control over them, thus making her gameplay come off as erratic and reactionary, rather than controlled and calculated. She’s out, but Chris does himself few favors as well. When Gavin makes a point about his own game at the expense of Chris’, Chris interrupts him to rebut the argument. The jury gets on his case for this, though, citing it as disrespectful. And yet, Chris keeps doing it. True, he does get in good arguments about his social manipulation in the time he had, using Lauren playing her idol as an example of this. Still, that doesn’t mean his interactions with the other finalists come off well. The only person who comes off decently here is Gavin, who manages to articulate his social game nicely, and provide some good, concrete examples. Like with previous uses of this jury format, we do lose those great, defining moments a jury question can provide. The overall Final Tribal Council is sound.

The conclusion, however, is not, and now it is time. We must discuss the sin that ruins the season retroactively. The sin that makes this the worst season of “Survivor” there ever was, purely by default. Our winner, as one might expect, is Chris Underwood.

Where to start with the problems this causes? Well, for one thing, CHRIS WAS VOTED OUT OF THE GAME ON DAY 8! Yes, our winner is a man who so badly bungled a situation, that he was voted out pre-merge. Also bear in mind that he was a physical challenge beast on a tribe that desperately needed challenge strength. For him to be voted out in spite of this speaks volumes about just how badly he bungled his situation. Not only did he bungle his situation, but this also means Chris didn’t need to work nearly as hard as everyone else. While Gavin, Julie, and the other finalists (yes, even Rick to some degree), all had to put themselves at risk, and navigating the social quagmire that is betraying people but still having them like you, all Chris had to do was sit, wait, win one crucial challenge, and not be an asshole. It’s not NOTHING, but compared to what everyone else had to go through, it seems like a lot less, and ought to have disqualified him outright from his victory. This, of course, begs the question of how I would have felt about a Rick victory. I can’t say I would have been fully on board with it, but I wouldn’t have felt like disqualifying Rick quite as much as I do Chris. Rick did get voted out of the game, but unlike Chris, it was less due to his game play, and more due to having the bad luck to end up on a tribe with few options. Rick’s loss was largely due to luck, Chris’ to skill. See the difference? Plus, Rick was in the game the majority of the time, and had to navigate difficult situations, while Chris faced few, if any. Did Chris do nothing? Of course not! His gameplay this episode was masterful, and he’s definitely charming enough to earn a few votes. But think about how this would have looked in previous seasons. Let’s take the case of Hunter Ellis from “Survivor Marquesas”, and man who fills the same roll as Chris, and was voted out at the same point in the game. People loved Hunter at the time, and were shocked at his vote out. Many even advocate for his return. But would you really still love him if, having made no enemies, he was just randomly put back in the game at the end? No. No you wouldn’t. You’d feel production was giving him a leg up because heaven forbid we produce an unsatisfying winner! Ironically, by doing all this, I say production made what could have been a future satisfying winner unsatisfying. I’m glad Chris got the chance to show what he could do, and as I say, he did it well, and there’s nothing offensive about him as a person. But we should have gotten to see these things on a “Second Chances” type season, rather than shoehorning Chris in in the last episode.

But, to be fair, pretty much all of what I’ve vilified is stuff that’s out of Chris’ control. He didn’t ask to be put on an Edge of Extinction season, and made the best of what he had. Besides, however unfair it might be, any twist in the game is legitimate, and you can only play the hand you’re dealt, right? That is correct, and so all of the above, I’m willing to at least consider a counter-argument to. However, even if you were to take away all these problems, one major one still reigns. One question that has no satisfying answer, and is what, by default, makes this the worst season the show has ever put out:

What was the point of having all the episodes this season?

Here’s what I mean: “Survivor”, at its core, is about the journey to the finals. How do our finalists get there, and how do they beat out the other finalists? Some seasons do this better than others. Some seasons make the outcome super obvious. Some seasons subtly manipulate the audience, leading us on a good mystery hunt. Regardless, though, however dominant or just pain good at the game a player is, they still have to go through it. They still have to jump through to hoops so that we can see the progress of their journey. But Chris’ journey largely played out of Edge of Extinction, where even if we DID get footage of it, screen time needed to be divided between everyone else there. Thus, Chris got lost in the shuffle, and we the audience feel like we only really got to know him in this last episode. Again, he played well in that episode, but it still begs the question: If all we needed was this episode, why did we watch all the others?

There was really no season recap this time, nor was there Probst talking about why each remaining player could win. Frankly, I’m happy the latter is gone, since it was kind of forced anyway, but the former can be necessary. After all, more people tend to tune in to the finale of a show, rather than a random episode in the middle. Thus, the recap is needed to understand the journey that brought us to this point. Even the most boring seasons like “Survivor Fiji”, or the most predictable seasons like “Survivor Redemption Island”, there was at least a reason why we needed that journey. Even if we already knew or didn’t care about the outcome, we still needed the guidance of the rest of the season to understand that outcome. Here, someone tuning in for just this episode, even without a season recap, would lose nothing. They could watch it, and get just as much out of it as someone who had followed the entire season. And if 12/13 episodes of your season don’t need to be watched, what was the point of having the season at all?

Now, I hear the counterargument to this already: “Chris did have a story. It was just all on Edge of Extinction. And weren’t you, Matt, one of the ones praising the show for not spending so much time on Edge of Extinction?” You’re right about that, but it doesn’t change the fact that it retroactively makes the season pointless. Of course, we wouldn’t want the show to devote more time to the Edge of Extinction than to people still in the game, but then, if one of those people wins, it feels hollow. The only solution I can really think of to satisfy both worlds would be to have made the segments of “Edge of Extinction” its own show. Have it air right after “Survivor”, and be all about the social dynamics of the Edge of Extinction, with the finale being a kind of crossover between those two shows. Then we might have had time to develop everyone as needed to make a satisfying finale. Now, this would never happen. While “Survivor” has an impressive longevity, it must be said that the heyday of the show is passed, and so CBS is not logically going to devote an entire timeslot to a companion show no one is guaranteed to watch. However, if we’re trying to find a way for this twist to work, this is the only way I can think of. As it stands, this twist is a terrible idea that moves “Survivor” to a point where it isn’t recognizable as “Survivor” any more. Because it is such a different animal, and renders the vast majority of the season as being pointless, there is no logical place for this season to go other than the very bottom of the rankings.

Probably the biggest disappointment of all here, though, is that the season did not have to be this way. Not even close. It’s not like something like the aforementioned “Survivor Fiji”, where the cast mean the season was doomed before they even started filming. This cast had potential. As I said, there were a lot of intriguing new players this time around. But with so much time devoted to returning players, advantages, and the Edge of Extinction itself, they just get shunted aside. Thus, we cannot bond with them, or the season. Really, ALL the players on this season deserved a better season than what they got, and shame on CBS for taking something good and doing everything in their power to ruin it.

Ok, ok, let’s talk about something that actually goes WELL this season: The Reunion show. Still too little time devoted to it, but we talk with most of the important people, get a comment on most everyone, and most importantly, fewer pointless Probst segments. No audience interviews, no kid guessing the obvious winner. Hell, the only former player we see is a brief glimpse of Cochran, and then it’s at a relevant time to mention him. Yeah, I really don’t have any complaints about this particular reunion show, again apart from the length.

As to the upcoming season, it can only be an improvement. If you’re going to bring back returning players with new players, I think keeping the new players out of the competition is the way to do it. They can add flavor to the season this way, but also are less likely to dominate screen time as a result. It’s not a guarantee, so I’m holding my judgment until the season proper, and I am concerned about the lack of new player confessionals in the preview. Plus, getting advice from old players might encourage new players to ape their style, rather than going their own way. Still, there’s potential for good here, and those giant heads are just the kind of cheesy I can get behind, so I’ll give this season a fair shake. Now, onto discussing how my pre-season opinions matched up to reality, starting with:

Dan-Right on personality, wrong on time in the game. He made himself more necessary than I thought he would, and was smarter than I gave him credit for. That said, I count this one as a loss for me.

Reem-Overall right, though she was definitely feistier than I gave her credit for.

Rick-Pretty much right here, though I didn’t call his ending up on Edge of Extinction.

Wendy-Again, pretty well nailed the personality, though she was out earlier than I expected.

Lauren-Despite my saying she had more game than she gets credit for, I still say her personality was on point. Name one thing about her that wasn’t related to Kelley Wentworth. I’ll wait. Oh, and she lasted longer than I would have thought.

Keith-I’m seeing a trend here. Keith is yet another one where I called his personality, but was vastly wrong on his time in the game.

Chris-Wrong. Out earlier than I expected, but also had more game than I expected as well.

Victoria-She made it longer than I guessed, but I’d say I was right overall.

Ron-Wrong. Much more socially aware, and as a result longer-lived, than I ever anticipated.

Julia-Probably the only one on this list where I hit the nail on the head for both personality and time in the game.

Eric-Pretty much right, though I think I gave him too much credit in the “smarts” department.

Aurora-She made herself overall more low-key, at least pre-merge, and so lasted longer than I expert suspected she would. Good for her.

Julie-Wrong. Much less domineering, and much longer-lived than I gave her credit for.

Gavin-A little bit longer-lived than I expected, but Gavin fell pretty close to what I thought otherwise.

Kelley-Right, though as returnees are easier to predict, having seen their previous gameplay, I only consider this a half-win at best.

Joe-Right on vote-out time, wrong on his coming back to win the whole thing.

Aubry-Wrong. I’m not sure how much time is needed for people to think of her more as “Survivor Game Changers” Aubry rather than “Survivor Kaoh Rong” Aubry, but clearly, it’s not enough.

David-Wrong. Dude managed to hang in there better than I expected. How is it people remember Aubry’s (earlier) performance better than David’s?

This would normally be the point where I end the blog. However, loathe though I am to admit it, and however little this season deserves it, it’s time for another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5

Let’s talk about moves. They need to be made on “Survivor”. Even choosing to not make a move is, in and of itself, making a move. As such, one can usually point to a winner’s moves to explain how they won the game. We’ll be talking about the best actions winners have taken, while also acknowledging those moves that SHOULD have ruined winners games, but they were able to come back from. A couple of ground rules: The move has to be from the season the winner won on. I could vilify Cochran’s flip on “Survivor South Pacific”, but that has no bearing on his win on “Survivor Caramoan”. Second ground rule: It has to be one specific move. Something a winner did overall, such as their social game, isn’t the subject of this list. That said, let’s start with the best of the best, with…

TOP 5

5. Boran Throws the Challenge (“Survivor Africa”): Technically cheating a bit here, since this was a move by a tribe, not just by the winner. However, Ethan seemed to be the one spearheading this move, and it’s my list, so I’ll count it. It was definitely a risk, and I’m normally the first to come out against throwing a challenge, but it cannot be denied that this worked out well for Ethan. It kept his allies on Samburu safe, built trust with T-Bird and Frank, and pretty much decimated any hope of the old Samburu coming back together as a unified whole. Maybe not Ethan’s move alone, but definitely one that helps ensure his victory.

4. Tom Mind-Screws Ian (“Survivor Palau”): At this point in the game, Tom’s only competition was Ian. True, he probably wins the game no matter who he’s against, but it’s much more up in the air against Ian than anyone else. When the plan to oust Ian at the final four goes awry, Tom now has little choice but to duke it out against a younger competitor at an endurance challenge. No mean feat to win. So Tom, to ensure his victory, preys on Ian’s guilt, and gets in his head to the point where Ian gives up, handing Tom victory on that season, and a spot on this list. Again, I keep him low because I think he had it won regardless, but it was a good bit of insurance, just in case.

3. “Please, take this risk.” (“Survivor Vanuatu”): This, frankly, is the reason why Chris Daugherty is a winner. The man had tried and failed multiple times to break up the women, usually at the expense of Eliza. It was only when he had the brainwave to USE Eliza, rather than target her, that finally got him success, and overcome a 6-1 deficit to win. Admittedly, the idea was Scout’s, which is why Chris doesn’t land higher on this list, but without Chris’ salesmanship, it wouldn’t have worked, so he deserves some credit. Also, this means that Chris from this season now hold the distinction of being the second person to win who shares a first name with a previous winner (Natalie White of “Survivor Samoa” and Natalie Anderson of “Survivor San Juan del Sur” being the first pair to do so).

2. “Coach is gunning for you.” (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”): Aw yeah, now we get to talk about the awesomeness that is Sandra! For those who say her game was all about doing nothing, this is my counter-argument. She and Courtney Yates, her only ally, were dead in the water. But one simple conversation with Russell Hantz, and suddenly that paranoia makes neither of them a major target. As Sandra doesn’t even make the merge without this move, it’s safe to say it won her the game, as well as a spot on this list.

1. The Buddy System (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Look, I never said this season had no redeeming features. I just said they were drowned in a sea of mediocrity. That said, it cannot be denied that Boston Rob had a good strategy here. By isolating everyone so that his sycophants would never think of flipping, he managed to maintain his iron grip on the tribe, even when up against players better than what he had in the pre-merge. It made the season boring and predictable, but it cannot be denied it was good strategy.

Honorable Mention: J.T.’s Crocodile Tears (“Survivor Tocantins”): You may remember that J.T. gave quite the performance at the “Survivor Tocantins” final tribal council. Acting indignant and hurt at Stephen’s supposed “betrayal”. I even saw some tears there. There’s a reason J.T. was the second shut-out victory in the history of the show, but I keep this off the list proper because I can guarantee that J.T. wins the game even without this. Stephen was respected by the jury, but wasn’t worshipped like J.T. was, so all J.T. did was humiliate Stephen still further. Unnecessary, J.T. “Survivor Cambodia” would do that well enough.

BOTTOM 5

5. Jenna’s Emotional Breakdown (“Survivor The Amazon”): I’ll admit, I’m a bit reluctant to mark someone down for showing emotion on “Survivor”. That said, the fact remains that Jenna’s breakdown at the final five did her no favors. When it’s kind of a coin toss between you and your ally as to who goes home, telling people you’re ready to go is not a good look. I keep it this low on the list because I don’t think Jenna made this as a “move” per se, but not having as good control on the emotions is a mark against a potential winner, as we saw with Julie this season.

4. Sandra Throws Out the Fish (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Yes, for all that we must praise Sandra for her awesomeness, we must also point out where she messed up. Sabotaging the tribe, especially in the early seasons of the show, was often a death sentence. Moreover, Sandra was doing this out of petty revenge for the betrayal of Rupert, rather than any strategic reasoning. It would be one thing if Sandra had intentionally tried to cover her tracks, but she just got lucky that Christa took the fall. If she hadn’t, Sandra might well have been gone out of sheer frustration from the tribe. Sandra is still awesome, but she’s lucky this move didn’t backfire on her.

3. Final 6 Rock Draw (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”): I keep this one from higher on the list because I see little Tyson could have done in this situation to prevent this, save keep a tighter grip on Ciera. That said, not having your allies in check is a sin even Tyson is not exempt from. This move really could have cost him the game had he drawn the wrong rock. True, the risk was greater for the other alliance (two members drawing rocks as opposed to one), but still, if Tyson draws the wrong rock, that season is never the same. Too much of a risk, so it earns a spot on this list.

2. Mike and the Auction (“Survivor Worlds Apart”): While Tyson’s move had the CHANCE of him going home, I’m AMAZED this didn’t send Mike home. For starters, the idea itself is bad. Going back on a deal YOU YOURSELF suggested makes you look like a dick, especially since it involves messages from home, which are always emotionally charged. No advantage is worth that in a social game like “Survivor”. But then Mike doubles down on the idiocy by then following through on the deal, meaning he gets no upside. People hate you for trying to backstab them publicly, and you don’t even get the advantage you were going for in the first place. It’s only through the grace of immunity that Mike won. This really should have cost him the game.

1. Chris Trusts Wardog (“Survivor Edge of Extinction”): This one’s a no-brainer. The only thing worse than a winner making a move that could POTENTIALLY get them voted off is them making a move that ACTUALLY votes them off. A person who wins despite their mistake costing them their spot in the game is the type of winner I just can’t get behind, if I haven’t already made that clear.

Honorable Mention: MAD (“Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”): I keep this one off the list proper because the idea was good. Take someone you want as an ally, and share secrets so you both have an incentive to stay aligned. This is what Adam did with Taylor regarding their various advantages (a reward steal for Adam, plus hidden food for Taylor). The flaw here is that Taylor is not exactly playing what we might call a “strategic” game, and thus has no incentive to worry about messing up his own game. Thus, he outs Adam’s deception, and Adam comes off looking the worse for it. I even wrote at the time that Adam had torpedoed his own chances of winning with this move, so it must be talked about here.

At long last, we come to the end of this season, and good riddance. I’ll say it before, and I’ll say it again: everyone involved deserved a better season. We had a cast that, while not the stuff of legend, was definitely solid and could have developed good future returnees. However, a combination of too much focus on the returnees, too many advantages, time taken away for the Edge of Extinction, and a winner who only really showed up in the last episode, means this season doesn’t really even count as “Survivor”. If it must, though, it’s the very bottom of the “Survivor” pile. At least we get a nice long break before the next season. That’ll give us time to get invested again.

But what of this blog during the off-season? Don’t worry, content will still come, but don’t expect the return of “Survivor Retrospectives” yet. Don’t worry, I still intend to finish, but they take a lot of work, and I’m just burnt out on them at the moment. That said, I’ve had a couple of ideas for new blog topics, including one feature I hope to make a regular thing, that I’ll be rolling out over the summer, and I hope you enjoy them.

Let’s end this on a high note. One positive I can say for the season: NO PLAYERS BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE! Yes, the tradition of “Idol Speculation” is finally broken, and no players have busted down my wall insisting on an audience, and closing me a lot in repairs. At last, I can go one season without calling a contractor…

CRASH!

RICK: DUN-DUN-DA-DA-DAH! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN!

MATT: GAAAAAAAAAAH!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.