Idol Speculation: “Survivor 41” Episode 1: Blue’s Clues

If nothing else, this episode of “Survivor” should put to rest any doubts anyone has about the virulency and spread of COVID.  Not only has it spread to every inhabited nation on earth, not only has it fundamentally changed our way of life, but it has even managed to reach Jeff Probst’s fountain of youth!  The horror!  Don’t misunderstand, the dude still looks WAY younger than he actually is, and some of this may be due to just not having seen him in a while, but the dude has visibly aged, in my opinion.  Perhaps it’s the mullet.  Cut that thing, Probst.  

Readers, is is my DIVINE pleasure to welcome you back, once again, to “Idol Speculation”, my knee-jerk opinion that EVERYONE is entitled to.  Yes, after a long, LONG dry spell we at last have new “Survivor” content to discuss.  Let me just switch off from the “Nick Jr.” channel my cable seems to have started on for some weird reason, and we can begin…

Wait, you mean to tell me this whole “Probst talking to the audience like he’s in your living room” thing is a part of the show now?  Yeah, it case the snark didn’t make it obvious, this first “twist” for want of a better word, doesn’t land well.  It’s bad enough that Probst interrupts the flow of the action to give us an answer to a question we didn’t need (I maintain it’s more fun to play along with a hunt for an advantage/idol than it is to be told where one is), but he actually “talks” to us, tells us how much he missed us?  Yeah, I don’t need that patronization, thanks.  Show us your gratitude to be back on the air by giving us a fantastic, well-edited episode (which this one by and large is), and through your own in-universe enthusiasm, not by going full “Dora the Explorer”.  

Oh, Probst also takes this opportunity to show us the tree in which he’s hiding the “Beware” advantage.  What does it do?  We don’t know!  We have so many advantages now that we can’t even explain them all to you!

We then get our introduction to the players this season, with the first six interviews for the players.  We hear about Evvie’s passion for the game, as well as Danny’s drive.  Jairus (or JD, as he’s going by) give the first of 8,192 confessionals about being younger than the game itself.  Tiffany talks about her joy at being selected for the game, complete with video of her reaction to being called.  If that’s genuine video of the event (which I somewhat doubt), good for her!  A fun reaction, and a pretty realistic one.  If that’s staged, then man, show.  I get that the “flashback” to stuff in real life worked on “Winners at War”.  By and large, it works here too.  But don’t force it if you don’t have the footage.  David (or “Voce”) talks about how the stress of neurosurgery prepares him for “Survivor”, thereby getting our requisite “Link your job to the game” confessional out of the way early and relatively painlessly.  Kudos.  Finally, Shantel (or “Shan” as she is going by) rounds us out by telling us that being a pastor doesn’t mean she won’t play a cutthroat game.  Decent enough, but Shan, that’s not what I’m worried about.  You’re not on a super-religious tribe, and if you bring up religion too much, that, not your ability or inability to be cutthroat, will be your undoing.  Still, a promising start.  

After three rapid-fire confessionals to assure us that yes, COVID has been a major factor in these people’s lives, we get what I can only assume is the show’s answer to “Doing something new with the intro”, as advertised pre-season.  We get some of the opening notes played over a slow-motion shot of that horrible logo, thus giving us time to linger on its horribleness, rather than do the smart thing and only show it briefly, keeping the focus on the colors and not the other, less-good design choices.  Plus, this just makes me long for the old intro even more.  Come on, show, you can spare one minute to give us that epic music and gorgeous shots of the players.  

Getting back to the players, after some more brief introductions (making sure to get Naseer’s “I learned English by watching ‘Survivor’” story in there), we get to, you guessed it, EVEN MORE CRINGE!  Probst talks about the changes that have been made to the show, highlighting in particular the diversity of the cast.  Fair enough.  Growth is important, and should be called out where applicable.  Granted, the show still has a long way to go in a lot of areas, but still, steps in the right direction should be praised.  The show praising itself is not what I would have gone for but hey, no harm done so far.  Unfortunately, Probst decides to then go in the cringe-y direction by asking if his “Come on in, guys!” is too exclusionary, and should be gotten rid of.  Now, I’m not saying this is a bad conversation in and of itself, and I’m not saying it should never happen.  But, first, it should not happening in so public a format.  By doing it this visibly, you A, put a lot of pressure on people to say that everything’s fine, and B, look like you’re trying to show people how “Woke” you are without actually putting in as much effort as you should.  Second, and more important, while the show is improving in terms of inclusivity, this is NOT a step people were clamoring for, and is not a major step towards being more inclusive.  Instead, it looks like you’re forgoing real change in favor of looking good.  Trying to give the APPEARANCE of changing the system to be more just, rather than actually doing something SUBSTANTIAL to change the system.  My fear is that the show won’t go through with things it ought to, and instead just have purely symbolic gestures towards change without actual development.  Evvie speaks up, saying they feel that “guys” is inclusive enough to keep, and we, for the moment, move on.  

With all my complaining, people are going to think I don’t like this episode.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  That said, be prepared for more snark incoming.  You see, we finally get our tribe names.  We have the blue “Luvu” tribe, which is in no way going to be confusing, given that we had a blue “Levu” tribe on “Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers”.  See, this is what happens when you don’t vary up your locations.  You’re stuck in the same linguistic groups, and have confusions like these.  Our yellow tribe is “Yase”, noteworthy only that is pronounced “yeh-SAW” for some reason, making me feel like the “A” and “E” should be reversed.  As for our green tribe, they are “Ua”, and they waste no time in leaning into the fact that their tribe name sounds like a war cry.  

Probst then makes sure to inform the contestants about the shortened game and limited supplies before getting into the season opener.  Despite starting on the ship, we thankfully avoid the “Scramble for Supplies” opener that had, until recently, been standard.  While a fun way to start, it was getting played out.  Instead, our tribes must race to find six oars, which they must then use to paddle a boat around a buoy and back to the main boat to grab a flint.  First tribe to do so gets said flint, plus a machete and pot, with the other two tribes having to “earn” these later on.  We’ll get to that.  

Out of the gate, we get a sense for how well these tribes work together.  Luvu and Ua are fairly even physically.  Luvu gets a bit of a lead into the water, but forgets to unclip one part of their boat when rowing.  As such, they tow an anchor, allowing Ua to take the lead.  They may not be the swiftest, but so far, they work well together, and win reward for their troubles.  As for Yase?  they don’t even make it off the boat, missing one oar, though Tiffany does jump in the water to count and make sure.  

So, how are our losing tribes to earn their meager supplies?  Well, they have a choice in the matter, which is always a good thing, in my opinion.  They can either work as a team to solve a “How many triangles are in this picture” puzzle, or race to have two people fill two buckets with ocean water along a set course in a set period of time (4 hours).  Physical work or mental work?  It’s a decent dilemma, and adds some good intrigue to the show, though I would say the triangle one is better overall.  True, they do only get one guess, but you keep the whole team together, and don’t physically tax yourself when there’s still shelter building to be done.  Voce wants to advocate for this option, for these reasons, though has a hard time arguing against the logic of “We couldn’t find an oar, so how can we find all these triangles?”.  Even worse for him, he’s roped into doing the task, along with Xander.  Luvu also chooses this option, though are more gung-ho about it, with Deshawn and Danny stating they will have no issues completing this particular task.  Naseer, attempting to keep the tribe unified, says the four who are at camp won’t talk strategy while they’re gone.  

This plan gets thrown out the window, however, when Danny and Deshawn start taking some time off to look for an idol or other advantage.  Not bad if they think they have the time, but Naseer catches them at it, and notes the clock is ticking.  Figuring this violates the spirit of “No strategizing”, he violates it as well, and talks to the women on his tribe (Erika, Sydney, and Heather) about voting one of the other two out.  Solid, if predictable, strategy.  Xander and Voce, not being as physically gifted as Deshawn and Danny, do not have this problem, Eric instead throwing Tiffany under the bus for jumping in the water, blaming, as he says “Anyone but himself” for the loss.  This backfires, however, as Evvie and Liana have formed a tight bond, and the pair fear being next if Eric wants to start taking out those who are weak in challenges.  As such, Evvie wants to align with Xander and Voce, a bit odd considering their hatred of “Mansplaining”, but I suppose Voce has been fairly subdued so far, compared to what his introductory materials indicated.  To this end, they inform Tiffany of what’s happening, who is, of course, not happy about this course of events.  

Ultimately, the time crunch may have been somewhat exaggerated, as both tribes complete the task with time to spare.  This causes little fanfare over on Yase, but Luvu sees some intrigue, as Sydney spills Naseer’s strategizing to Deshawn and Danny, putting Naseer in their sights.  Time will tell if this bears fruit.  

Ua, with no tasks to do beyond building shelter, takes the time to pretty much all get a humanizing moment, complete with flashbacks.  Sara talks about losing her grandmother, a fan of the show, to COVID-19.  Ricard talks about leaving his husband and 22-month old daughter, while his husband is pregnant with their second child.  Genie talks about marrying her wife, and her gratitude at her mother’s implicit acceptance of this by giving her a diamond ring to use in the ceremony.  Brad… talks about working on a ranch.  One of these things is not like the others.  

I snark, I snark.  Brad talks about losing his dad as well, which hits just as hard as the others.  Shan is, admittedly, the only one who doesn’t get a flashback, but makes up for it with a fun editing moment.  She talks about “evilly” making friends with pretty much everyone in the tribe, and talks about the soundtrack that plays in her head, complete with singing a few bars.  Not one to miss such a BEAT (huh?  huh?  See what I did there), the editors, of course, turn this music into the score for this scene.  Brilliant.  Absolutely brilliant.  A highlight for the episode.  Less successful is JD.  True, he does make fire, and gets a nice flashback of moments from previous seasons, as well as his life, when he talks about how much this means to him as a superfan and former “not cool guy”.  No, JD’s problems come in his attempting to bond with people.  On paper, he does what he’s supposed to.  Talk with everyone, play nice, form bonds, try and get some sort of agreement going.  JD’s problem is that, to paraphrase Malcolm from “Survivor Philippines”, he has all the social graces of a Mack Truck.  He’s incredibly blunt about what he’s doing, and his volume is such that everyone knows he’s doing it.  This is indicated at first just by a disapproving look from Ricard in the background, though Ricard eventually solidifies this into an “Anti-JD” alliance of, well, pretty much everyone except JD.  

The following day, after some shots of Sydney trying to catch a crab, and talking about her travel experience, a boat comes up, asking each tribe to send off one player for an unknown purpose.  Sydney is initially volunteered, but backs down.  Danny tries to get rock-paper-scissors going, but when this fails, volunteers himself.  A bit risky, given what he should know about his position in the tribe.  Safer is Xander, whom the whole of Yase trusts, and sends by unanimous consent.  Evvie comments that Xander will be honest when he gets back, which is fair, though in case he meets up with the other tribe, I would worry about him spilling your secrets.  Ua, meanwhile, goes for the traditional rock draw, leading JD to go, thereby further piling on the “royally screwed”.  

Sure enough, the three meet up at an island, and have a good chat, bonding over their shared sports backgrounds.  Danny denies having played in the NFL, instead saying he runs teen football camps, though he does admit being good friends with Gary Hawkins, the landscaper from “Survivor Guatemala”.  After posing epically at the top of a mountain, the three are told to go off and each make a separate decision.  Danny tries to coordinate with the other two, but this fails.  

The decision, as Xander and later Erika will point out, is basically the prisoner’s dilemma.  Each individual must choose whether to protect their vote, or risk their vote.  Protecting your vote ensures you will have a vote at the next Tribal Council, but you have no shot at an advantage.  If you risk your vote, as long as someone else protects theirs, you get an extra vote to use down the line.  If, however, EVERYONE risks their vote, all LOSE their vote at the next Tribal Council.  What can I say, this is a twist that actually hits.  Choice, as I said, always makes the show more dynamic, and the prisoner’s dilemma is a tried-and-true such choice.  If I WERE to find fault, I would say they made the “Protect” option too appealing, as there was no negative consequence to everyone doing so, and on such small tribes, a vote is a bit thing to risk.  Plus, if someone else DOES get the extra vote, you can try to leverage the “Hey, I sacrificed my chance for you” down the line  It might not be great leverage, but it is leverage nonetheless.  

In another good bit of editing, we actually only see Danny’s choice before the commercial break.  Wisely, he chooses to protect his vote, then goes back and comes clean to his tribe about what he did.  Makes sense.  Even if you did risk your vote, there’s little reason to lie this early in the game over an extra vote, something that has historically not been all that helpful as an advantage.  Even Xander, who DID end up risking his vote, as we see in a flashback, comes clean to his tribe.  In both their cases, this engenders trust.  The same cannot be said of JD, who largely tells the truth, but his delivery is way too stilted, and only engenders more mistrust in him from his tribe.  We don’t see which option he picked, but based on his delivery, it seems pretty clear he risked his vote.  

And now we head off to challenge time, but not before Ricard brings up the “Come on in, guys” thing again.  He tells Probst that, having thought it over, he doesn’t think it’s ok to say “guys”, anymore, and it should just be shortened to “come on in”.  Probst agrees, and defies anyone to call him on it by putting his twitter handle in the lower corner.  Good on Ricard for standing up for what he thought was right, though again, I think the show focussing on it distracts from larger issues.  

Speaking of potential issues, Probst tells us about a few new twists to the game.  The first is that only the first tribe to finish wins immunity, sending the other two to Tribal Council.  A reasonable shake-up that fits with the shortened game time.  I can get behind this.  He also mentions that there is now a penalty for losing, with the two tribes who come in last having to forfeit their flint until after the next Tribal Council.  This seems a little needlessly cruel to me, and has the potential to devolve into the disastrous “Haves vs. Have-Nots” twist of “Survivor Fiji”.  If they really do get flint following Tribal, though, it probably won’t be as much of a factor.  Then, there’s the “shot in the dark”, the most confusing twist of the bunch.  Each tribe is given a bag of six dice, one for each member.  At any Tribal Council, instead of voting, any tribe member can forfeit their die for a 1/6 shot at safety.  Basically another hidden immunity idol that you don’t have to hunt for, but has a strong chance of failure.  It’s tough to say how I feel about this twist, as I need a few questions answered on how it works.  Are the six pieces of parchment determining whether you’re safe or not for the entire game, or do they get restocked?  If the latter, are they restocked after every individual votes, or after every Tribal Council.  If the former, someone could game the system, depending on where they stand in the vote order (i.e., those going up to vote later potentially reducing their odds by having others use their shots to try and find the “Not Safe” parchments, giving them better chances at drawing the “Safe” one)  If this is the case, then I fear production gaming the system by having those in danger further to the right, thus putting them later in the voting order to try and keep them safe.  

That said, based on what we do know, I see some obvious pros and cons to this twist.  On the con side, this is making yet more people safe, and while I presume the limit is one per Tribal Council, this is bringing us dangerous close to possible “Advantagegeddon” territory again, thus reinforcing my stance that the only thing that should grant full immunity are idols, won in challenges or hidden.  If there are still hidden immunity idols in the game (which, admittedly, has not yet been confirmed), then it feels like too much.  It’s also very luck based, which has the upside of being unpredictable, but not as exciting from a strategy side.  On the pro side, unlike hidden immunity idols, there’s no potential gender bias in the way idols are hidden, and everyone has equal access to it, at least in theory.  One intriguing possibility I see is bequeathing your die to someone, either as collateral, or a way to buy them into your alliance.  Sort of taking the good part of fire tokens (using them for strategic politicking), while eliminating how much time they bog down, and any value outside of use in this way.  this could lead to a savvy player having multiple opportunities to use the shot, assuming dice are transferrable.  And, if nothing else, players now have access to a game of Yahtzee to fill their downtime!  I’ll hold off on a final pronouncement on this twist until we know more details.  

We also get the reveal of our tribal Immunity Idol, and the reveal that once again, the show has been robbing my home, as this is once again clearly that cheap beach tiki I bought for use in audition videos years ago.  Seriously, art department?  This season looks gorgeous overall.  Couldn’t you at least have put a BIT of effort into the idol?  Our challenge itself is solid, but nothing to write home about.  After going over a net and through some dirt, tribes must load bags of puzzle pieces on a platform, then remove sandbags from the platform’s path onto a designated spot, before then hauling said pieces up a ramp to solve a puzzle, the first tribe to do so winning immunity and keeping their flint.  Pretty standard first challenge fare.  Kind of a combination of the first immunity challenge from “Survivor Samoa” with that challenge where they went through mud and hay on “Survivor Nicaragua”.  Not the best seasons to draw from in general, but both those challenges were solid, so it doesn’t bother me.  

What does bother me is the editing.  Up to this point, the editing has been solid, with all tribes getting some backstory, and some strategy.  Some characters are highlighted more than others, of course, but this season feels more even than some recent ones.  The one exception is in number of targets, and this is where the “Only one tribe wins immunity” thing becomes a problem.  Ua has only had one target, JD, noted, while both Luvu and Yase had multiple (Deshawn/Danny and Naseer; Tiffany and Eric respectively).  If two tribes got immunity, it wouldn’t matter if Ua was all but guaranteed a win between the editing and not having to do the water-hauling task.  There would still be tension for second between Luvu and Yase.  Having Ua all but guaranteed a win sinks that tension.  

Those were my thoughts prior to the challenge playing out.  That said, if you’ve seen the episode, you know that the editors, once again, got me, and it’s easy to see why.  Ua does indeed have a lead on the puzzle, but a piece not falling out of the bag, and their inability to move forward without it, lets Luvu gain a lead and ultimately win.    All the more impressive given that Deshawn had forced the tribe to redo part of the challenge, as one of his sandbags slipped off the designated spot.  Seemed a bit nitpicky to me, but hey, I don’t make the rules for these challenges.  We will eventually see that the editors had good reason for only giving us one target at Ua so far.  

First, though, we see the dynamic play out at Yase.  Really, there’s not much to note here.  It’s the same “Tiffany vs. Eric” debate we had earlier, with the only interesting bit being Tiffany going to look for an idol or advantage in the woods, stumbling near the well-hidden “Beware” advantage, though not finding it.  It was kind of fun knowing where the advantage was, though the same effect could have been accomplished with the light flash they gave us, rather than the cringey Probst opener.  

As for Ua, up until the challenge there only was one target, in JD.  Sara, however, is blamed for losing the tribe the challenge, given their lead (Shan is as well, though it’s Sara’s name that is brought up), and is thus now on the chopping block.  Brad in particular is on the warpath for her, even going so far as to tell her straight to her face that she should go.  As Sara rightly says, this is some “Survivor Borneo” level play here, and not the Richard Hatch kind.  Shan is scared about what a Sara boot means to her, and Ricard is still on the warpath against JD.  Meanwhile, Brad spills to JD that his name is being brought up, and Genie… Well, we don’t hear from Genie that much, but she seems awesome so far, at least.  This turn of events means that JD and Sara, two of the four I have in a fantasy draft with friends, are likely targets tonight, which only slightly influences me when I say that between JD and Sara, the correct answer is Brad.  Sara definitely should not go for that challenge mistake.  It’s an easy thing to do that anyone could have made, and doesn’t say much of anything about her challenge ability as a whole.  I’ll admit, there’s more of a case for JD to go.  He’s an unsubtle player and unsubtle liar, possibly with an advantage to use against the tribe, based on his description of the summit.  That said, he can at least play, and if allied with him could probably be trusted to not outright reveal secrets.  Brad, though?  He just showed his gameplay is too chaotic to be a reliable ally long-term, and therefore the best choice to go from the tribe.  Sadly, we never hear is name brought up, apart from Sara’s frustration at his lack of subtlety, so we had off to Tribal Council with it still being the Sara vs. JD debates.  

Our first Tribal Council is with Yase, presumably because they were furthest behind in the challenge, which is reasonable.  Yase is really a two-man show, between Eric and Tiffany, each advocating for the other to go.  True to their natures, Tiffany uses many words and talks about the social bonds she’s made with the tribe, while Eric leans on his challenge prowess, which he says speaks for itself, though saying little overall.  In the end, as it so often is in “Survivor”, social prowess wins out, and Eric goes.  Probably the smart move for swing votes Evvie and Liana, since they’d likely be next if Eric got his way.  Not overly sorry to see Eric go.  Nothing bad about the guy, but kind of a standard “Survivor” character we’ve seen a lot before.  Tiffany is more dynamic, and has a fun energy I’m happy to see continue on our screens.  That said, I do wish we’d heard Eric’s last words.  That’s a level of respect every player should get, no matter how early they’re voted out.  

Ua is much more of an ensemble piece, and starts off with a bit of humor, Brad offering to give back their reward supplies in exchange for immunity, which Probst understandably shuts down.  Angelina (“Survivor Dayid vs. Goliath”) Brad is not.  Sadly, when everyone calls out everyone else for scheming, we quickly devolve into whispering, though at least subtitled whispering, to make it slightly more bearable.  We get some good debates, Sara and JD both considering using their shots in the dark, with Ricard and Shan having to talk Sara down from this.  Worried about JD, they NOW discuss voting Brad.  Yes, somewhat non-foreshadowed which I’ve complained about in the past, but at least they showed us WHY he would be targeted, and give us the Tribal discussion subtitled so we can follow what’s going on.  Shan tries to pitch the Brad vote to JD, who’s not super happy with it, though he says he’ll vote with Shan.  If I were Brad and Genie, I’d be more concerned at being left out of the whispering, but they just kind of sit there.  

We go to vote, and shock horror, JD risked his vote, and so gets his extra vote.  This would have been really clever editing if JD were a better liar.  It is, perhaps, the threat of this extra vote that leads to Ricard and Shan turning on Sara, leading her to be the second boot of the episode.  I am sorry to see her go, and not just because I had her in my draft.  No, her confessionals about her grandmother were truly heartwarming, and apart from not shaking one puzzle bag thoroughly, I really can’t say she made much of a mistake.  Ricard and Shan, on the other hand?  I get wanting to vote with a solid majority, especially with the threat of shots in the dark and extra votes making them gun-shy.  But after such open politicking at Tribal Council, do they not think that Genie, Brad, and JD will team up against them?  They’ll need to do some serious maneuvering to save themselves, especially when they could have had a majority, though I suppose they couldn’t have predicted Genie’s rogue vote for Ricard.  Speaking of which, I’m still not sure what Genie’s plan was there.  Was she genuinely confused?  Throwing a safety vote?  The possibilities are open, and I look forward to hearing her logic in the future.  

Despite my snark at the beginning, this is a FANTASTIC start to the season, and a great return of the show we all know and love!  Once we got past the cringe of the opening, we had an episode with good mystery, a likable and engaging cast, and overall excellent editing.  I quite enjoyed the “flashbacks”, even the ones that seem staged, as they make it feel like we’re getting to know the players more intimately than on previous season, always a good thing.  I didn’t ouch on it, but production is now less afraid of showing behind the scenes stuff, as in having cameras and boats in shots, which again, I’m all for.  Help us feel like a part of the show by showing its edges and spots, not trying to hide them.  Yes, Probst had some cringe moments, but in the overall product, they get lost, and the greatness outshines them for a rocking start.  Let us hope the pattern continues!

-Matt 

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.  

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Edge of Extinction” “Finale”: Rise of the Quotation Marks

Well, “Survivor”, credit where credit is due: You did it. You managed to give us another first. Many would have thought it impossible after 38 seasons of the show, but they managed it. Yes, I can definitely say without a doubt, this season…

IS THE WORST THING THIS SHOW HAS EVER DONE IN THE ENTIRETY OF ITS EXISTENCE! Look, I’ve tried to be as fair as possible to this season. I tried not to go in hating it on the twist alone. I gave it credit where it earned it. Hell, I would even say some of the merge episodes were pretty good. Not legendary, mind you, but entertaining and worthy of the “Survivor” brand. But that ending. Good Lord, that ending! I had prepared myself for this possibility. I thought I was ok with it, but the more and more I think about it, the more and more it just pisses me off. Yes, “Survivor Fiji” can now rest easy. It has stopped being the general punching bag of bad “Survivor” seasons for me. Be prepared for a number of “Survivor Edge of Extinction” jokes in the future. What could make a season so bad that even the presence of my beloved Aubry cannot earn it any credit?

Well, before we find out, we have to delay talking about this awful “finale” with another round of…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

I’ll keep this one brief, but I feel it’s important to touch on. For all that I give Rick credit for what he was able to do, and how he’s able to win over the jury, I wasn’t impressed with his performance at the previous Tribal Council. The whole “righteous indignation” thing worked at the Ron boot, because Rick had actually been tricked in what could be interpreted as a mean-spirited way. This time, however? He’s just mocking their inability to vote him out. Kind of giving back the whole “mean-spirited” thing, and losing the high ground, Rick.

Moving on to our episode proper, you’d think we’d start out at the fallout of the previous Tribal Council. HA HA! You fool! That’s for seasons that DON’T have 8/9ths of the contestants left in the final episode! Because heaven forbid a great character become an early martyr! Yes, we’re going straight to our “Edge of Extinction” challenge, which is your standard ropes course with a table maze at the end, though with a few cool elements. One is the maze itself, which is distinguishable by having the holes for the balls in separate spots, at the midpoint and the end, rather than side-by-side. The big draw, here, is the bridge to the table maze. Rather than your standard plank puzzle bridge, players use the ropes they’ve been navigating through to build the bridge, which is a new idea that works on “Survivor”, and is pretty challenging. Shame it has to be wasted on as overall lackluster a challenge as this.

Now, with 16 people competing in arguably their most important challenge of their game, we of course need some idea of who’s in it to win it. The smart thing to do would have been to build story arcs for those on the Edge of Extinction, like you would do in a NORMAL season, and then let this challenge be the culmination of said story arcs. This being “Survivor Edge of Extinction” they instead do the dumb thing of giving us little to nothing of most of our players, and instead just have the frontrunners get out early in the challenge. Thus, we quickly learn that only Aurora, Eric, Joey Amazing, and Chris are really in contention. Aubry, despite my hopes and predictions, chokes. Even worse, she chokes on the part of the challenge SHE HAD PRACTICED! No, it does not diminish my love for her, and no, it does not contribute to my newfound hatred for this season. Even if Aubry’s loss could be counted as a “sin”, believe me, it would be the LEAST of the sins here.

Out of these four, Chris is our winner. I suppose of those four, he had the closest thing to a story arc, though I lump his “I didn’t get my perfect game.” storyline with Andrew Savage’s “I’m missing my perfect supermodel wife from my life where everything except ‘Survivor’ is perfect!” storyline: It exists, but is pointless and whiny, serving only to turn me against the character. We get our teary farewell confessionals from our remaining contestants who are now, mercifully out of the game. I suppose it’s decently emotional, but more due to the mirror neurons firing than due to the confessionals themselves actually being emotional.

This leads to our first forced Probst segment, where he talks to Joe about losing the game again. After getting an assurance from Joe that Joe thinks he himself can win, Probst nearly has a heart attack when Joe is noncommittal about returning. Trying to salvage the situation, Probst goes for what I describe as “comedy” only in the loosest sense of the term, going on about Joe’s hair being his weakness. Probst, might I suggest you look up the story of “Samson and Delilah”? You might learn a few things about suggest haircuts.

Getting back to camp, Chris now has the daunting task of integrating himself into a group that has every reason to want him gone, and half of whom he hasn’t even played with prior to this day. To his credit, I think he plays it off as best he can here. He talks about the harshness of Edge of Extinction, and how exhausted he is from playing on it. However, he also highlights the insights he has to the jury, and how he’s willing to talk about them with anyone. This simultaneously diminishes Chris’ threat level, while also giving him a bargaining chip in any conversation. His salesman’s skills mean that to the untrained eye, this comes off as genuine. Fortunately for us, Victoria is highly intelligent, as well as having a good bullshit detector. She notes that OF COURSE this is what Chris is going to say, and affirms that he and Rick are targets A and B.

Chris, of course, still needs allies, and so speaks with Rick, the one person who might have his back. Indeed, Rick notes the irony of the situation: How he had helped vote Chris out, only to be voted out himself, and now the two need to work together if they hope to survive. Rick admits to some mistrust, but the guy with no allies to speak of takes what he can get.

Obstacle course number one is nothing to speak of, though I’ll give credit that the circular puzzle is better this time, in and of that you can’t simply look at the logo to get the design. You’d have to examine the immunity idol, which is harder to see at a distance and less frequently examined closely. Julie ends up the victor, which would be uneventful were it not for the way she wins. Oh, I’m not talking about her mistake in building the border first rather than building vertically to help prevent puzzle collapse. No, Chris, recognizing his own inevitable loss of the challenge, stops what he’s doing to help Julie. This, understandably, gets the attention of Rick, who was decently close in the challenge, and is naturally unhappy about a supposed ally helping to ensure his defeat. This is played up as a big deal, and I think it SHOULD have been a big deal, but for two guys with few alliance prospects, I doubt they can let this come between them.

Julie also wins steak dinner, with the choice to bring two people along with her. Hoo boy, does Julie drop the ball here. Chris is her first choice, and I get where she’s coming from in the “he hasn’t had anything to eat since he got voted out” thing, plus the whole “helped her win the challenge” thing, but Julie, it’s the end of the game. Time to be cutthroat. Need I remind you that you are STRENGTHENING ARGUABLY THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE THREAT LEFT IN THE GAME WHO YOU AREN’T EVEN ALLIED WITH? Sigh. At least her second pick, Lauren, makes a little more sense, since they did work together and all before, but despite this, it still alienates her allies. Specifically Victoria, which even RICK calls out as a dumb move on her part. Need I remind you that the only times Victoria HASN’T voted correctly has been when she’s helping out with a split vote? She seems like a person you don’t want to piss off.

Over dinner, our castaways discuss their vote-out options. Rick is of course the primary target, and Chris proves his loyalty by covering for Rick’s idol, which Rick had revealed to him in their previous talk. This then leads to who the backup should be, with the idea floated out that Victoria be the next one to go. Makes sense. She seems popular, and I think has been a low-key major decision maker this entire time. Rick is, of course, planning to use his idol tonight, though whether he’ll go against Chris or not is up in the air. After all, if he were to sway Gavin and Victoria to his side, he’d be able to at least tie, and then rely on everyone else’s self-preservation instinct to break that tie. Despite saving Chris being the clear obvious choice, this is actually some interesting misdirection.

Too bad it goes nowhere! We find out that, like Rick, Chris was given an idol good for the next Tribal Council, but only if half is temporarily given to another player. Chris, recognizing the need to build trust, gives it to Rick, who now trusts Chris 100%, and cements the loss of Victoria. I’ll explain why that’s a shame in a bit, but first, let’s talk about the substitute intrigue for a bit. Rick is hardly the only person Chris has been talking to, and Lauren, at least, is willing to give him the time of day. Chris knows from Kelley that she has an idol, but has been keeping it under wraps for her. Chris tells her that what the jury is looking for is for idols to be played, and played correctly. A plausible lie told in a convincing way. So, now the question is: Will Lauren play her idol for Chris?

Yes. The answer is yes. After a throughly “nothing” Tribal Council, we find that both Lauren and Rick blow their idols. Rick needed to, but as Lauren laments, she wasted hers, with Victoria going out 2 to nothing, against the one vote Chris would have had. Victoria is a major loss for the season, in more ways than one. This gets into the first two problems this season has: who gets booted, and how they’re presented. There were some great new characters and strategists this season, and Victoria, for me, was definitely one of them. More so the latter than the former, but still intriguing, particularly given her young age. Thus, losing her loses the person I was most rooting for at this point, and while it’s a smart move to take out the smart people at this point in the game, it’s not as fun from an audience perspective. More to the point, however, is that while all these things about Victoria are true, you need to look REALLY deep to find them. For all that Victoria was a major force this season, post Aubry-boot she was pretty much nonexistent. Probst even commented at the Reunion show (which is spared quotation marks due to actually being decent this season) that Victoria played a good under-the-radar game that doesn’t get the credit it deserves. Nice sentiment, Probst, but here’s an idea: If you want people to get credit for their work, THEN ACTUALLY SHOW THEIR WORK! My God, the wasted potential here is staggering. Victoria, you deserved a much better season than the one we got.

On a positive note, I will say I admire Eric’s decision to NOT clean himself up at Ponderosa. Helps him stand out, and is a nice, respectful touch.

So, this means we get a segment with Probst detailing Victoria’s game, and hopes for the future, right? Silly viewer! Those are for who PRODUCTION cares about, not who you care about!

Getting back to camp, Rick of course foolishly sets out to look for an idol. I say “foolishly” because of course, after the backlash that the fire-making final four twist from “Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers” received, they have moved back when regular idols work to the final six, leaving only Chris’ as a legitimate idol left. Then you remember that this is “Survivor Edge of Extinction” where everything you love goes to die! Instead, Rick finds yet ANOTHER idol, thus guaranteeing himself the final four. If, at this point, you think there’s an overabundance of idols for so late in the game, you’re right! Look, I give the producers more slack on the “Advantagegeddon” even on “Survivor Game Changers” than most. While I agree that season overall was too twist-heavy, that particular event I say was more due to the contestants then having balls of steel to hold their idols and advantages so long. But putting in new idols when there’s only one legitimate vote left in the game? That’s just too much. I will never be a fan of the fire-making final four happening automatically, but if you give us one vote with no possible idols, it becomes much more tolerable.

Not content with having TWO hidden immunity idols in the game, Rick now decides he needs FAKE idols in the game as well. He hides a pair of them (with notes from his previous idols for legitimacy), which Lauren and Julie, having learned from their previous efforts of NOT following Rick, find. Rick proves just how much of the high ground he’s taking by laughing obnoxiously behind their backs as they make these efforts. Our hero, everybody.

Our second immunity challenge is your standard ropes obstacle course with little fanfare, though putting it over water was a nice touch. Rick wins, rendering his idol DOUBLY pointless, but making for an interesting situation back at camp. You see, everyone BUT Gavin thinks they’re safe. Preying on this, Rick suggest that he’ll play his idol on Gavin if Gavin votes with them. Gavin, not being a moron, jumps at the chance. But who should they target. The debate, by default, is between Julie and Lauren. Lauren’s played a more dominant game in their eyes, while Julie might have more friends on the jury. The answer, however, is quite obvious to me. Julie must go. Yes, Lauren has a stronger game overall, but it’s not one necessarily respected by the jury. Who the jury wants to win is the biggest factor at this point, making Julie a threat. Moreover, Lauren, being original Manu, is more likely to help one or both of you out at the final four, whereas Julie is not likely to at all. Better to get rid of her.

Our second Tribal Council is just as “nothing” as the first, save for that for once people make the stupid decision. After Lauren and Julie get needlessly humiliated with the fake idols (not that I don’t think Rick shouldn’t have made them, as they did help throw the scent off of him, but the laughter was needless), Lauren gets sent home. Again, I’m sorry to see her go. While not the same level as Victoria, she had a determination I liked, and again, was probably the best non-Rick strategist left in the game. Losing her loses a lot of investment in the season, and another good player to boot.

Our final immunity challenge is the now standard “Stack blocks to make a phrase” challenge, though this one does up the game a bit by having contestants walk along an arced board while still holding the platform steady. Much as I despise this challenge for being repetitive at this point, that is a pretty clever way to shake things up. Gavin and Rick make basically no headway, so our battle comes down to Julie and Chris. Julie is overall faster, but also messes up, handing Chris an easy victory. Meaning yes, someone who was voted out of the game just over a week in, and who will have played less than two weeks total, just made the finals. I’m sure this will in no way backfire on the show whatsoever!

Chris, of course, now has to choose who will be going to fire making. He tries to play things cool with Rick, but Rick pretty quickly picks up on the fact that Chris doesn’t want him in the finals, and so goes to make fire. The debate for Chris really comes down to who he thinks can beat Rick in fire making, and he tells as much to Julie and Gavin. He coaches each of them on fire making, but no real conclusion is reached as we head off to Tribal Council.

Soon enough, we see exactly WHY no conclusion was reached: because Chris chose to take a third option. A stupid option, to be sure, but an option nonetheless. You see, Chris has decided to go full Domenick Abbate (“Survivor Ghost Island”), and give up immunity to Julie, allowing him to battle Rick for the right to remain in the game. For some reason, despite giving up immunity, Chris is allowed to choose who goes to fire making. Granted, I don’t think Julie would have chosen differently, but still, you’d think it’d be her choice, given that she now has immunity. Look, I can see the logic here. Like Domenick, Chris doesn’t want to lose votes to another worthy competitor, and so moves to eliminate that chance, at great risk to himself. It is this last part that I take issue with. No matter how much of a jury threat someone is, IT IS NEVER WORTH RISKING YOUR OWN SPOT IN THE GAME FOR THEM! This was Chris’ worst move of the night, and he’s lucky it didn’t backfire on him. Rick goes home, and again, I’m disappointed. A Rick win would have been predictable from the edit, and certainly would have had an asterisk next to it for the whole “Edge of Extinction” twist, but we at least got to see his gameplay, and he would have been an entertaining winner, if nothing else. Instead, we’re left with decent enough players and nice people, but whose stories were weak (Julie, Chris) or nonexistent (Gavin). Joy.

Between segments, we get another Probst interlude, as Rick is popular enough to warrant an interview. It’s less cringe-worthy than Joe’s segment, as really all Probst tries to do is to get Rick to follow in the footsteps of John Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”), and come work for CBS. Pointless, but nothing annoying about it.

To their credit, all our contestants actually give themselves pretty good arguments about why they should win on this particular day 39. Julie cites her willingness to change up the game, Gavin leans on his social bonds, and Chris notes the effort it took to return from Edge of Extinction. For all my complaints, this is one part the episode actually does well. For a moment, it seems like everyone has a shot.

That is, until we get to Final Tribal Council. Then, Julie at least is shut out. Frankly, of the finalists, she’s probably the one I most wanted to win, due to her arguably actually having an arc. The trouble is, said arc involves Julie acting on her emotions, and while an emotional argument can be powerful, Julie doesn’t demonstrate good control over them, thus making her gameplay come off as erratic and reactionary, rather than controlled and calculated. She’s out, but Chris does himself few favors as well. When Gavin makes a point about his own game at the expense of Chris’, Chris interrupts him to rebut the argument. The jury gets on his case for this, though, citing it as disrespectful. And yet, Chris keeps doing it. True, he does get in good arguments about his social manipulation in the time he had, using Lauren playing her idol as an example of this. Still, that doesn’t mean his interactions with the other finalists come off well. The only person who comes off decently here is Gavin, who manages to articulate his social game nicely, and provide some good, concrete examples. Like with previous uses of this jury format, we do lose those great, defining moments a jury question can provide. The overall Final Tribal Council is sound.

The conclusion, however, is not, and now it is time. We must discuss the sin that ruins the season retroactively. The sin that makes this the worst season of “Survivor” there ever was, purely by default. Our winner, as one might expect, is Chris Underwood.

Where to start with the problems this causes? Well, for one thing, CHRIS WAS VOTED OUT OF THE GAME ON DAY 8! Yes, our winner is a man who so badly bungled a situation, that he was voted out pre-merge. Also bear in mind that he was a physical challenge beast on a tribe that desperately needed challenge strength. For him to be voted out in spite of this speaks volumes about just how badly he bungled his situation. Not only did he bungle his situation, but this also means Chris didn’t need to work nearly as hard as everyone else. While Gavin, Julie, and the other finalists (yes, even Rick to some degree), all had to put themselves at risk, and navigating the social quagmire that is betraying people but still having them like you, all Chris had to do was sit, wait, win one crucial challenge, and not be an asshole. It’s not NOTHING, but compared to what everyone else had to go through, it seems like a lot less, and ought to have disqualified him outright from his victory. This, of course, begs the question of how I would have felt about a Rick victory. I can’t say I would have been fully on board with it, but I wouldn’t have felt like disqualifying Rick quite as much as I do Chris. Rick did get voted out of the game, but unlike Chris, it was less due to his game play, and more due to having the bad luck to end up on a tribe with few options. Rick’s loss was largely due to luck, Chris’ to skill. See the difference? Plus, Rick was in the game the majority of the time, and had to navigate difficult situations, while Chris faced few, if any. Did Chris do nothing? Of course not! His gameplay this episode was masterful, and he’s definitely charming enough to earn a few votes. But think about how this would have looked in previous seasons. Let’s take the case of Hunter Ellis from “Survivor Marquesas”, and man who fills the same roll as Chris, and was voted out at the same point in the game. People loved Hunter at the time, and were shocked at his vote out. Many even advocate for his return. But would you really still love him if, having made no enemies, he was just randomly put back in the game at the end? No. No you wouldn’t. You’d feel production was giving him a leg up because heaven forbid we produce an unsatisfying winner! Ironically, by doing all this, I say production made what could have been a future satisfying winner unsatisfying. I’m glad Chris got the chance to show what he could do, and as I say, he did it well, and there’s nothing offensive about him as a person. But we should have gotten to see these things on a “Second Chances” type season, rather than shoehorning Chris in in the last episode.

But, to be fair, pretty much all of what I’ve vilified is stuff that’s out of Chris’ control. He didn’t ask to be put on an Edge of Extinction season, and made the best of what he had. Besides, however unfair it might be, any twist in the game is legitimate, and you can only play the hand you’re dealt, right? That is correct, and so all of the above, I’m willing to at least consider a counter-argument to. However, even if you were to take away all these problems, one major one still reigns. One question that has no satisfying answer, and is what, by default, makes this the worst season the show has ever put out:

What was the point of having all the episodes this season?

Here’s what I mean: “Survivor”, at its core, is about the journey to the finals. How do our finalists get there, and how do they beat out the other finalists? Some seasons do this better than others. Some seasons make the outcome super obvious. Some seasons subtly manipulate the audience, leading us on a good mystery hunt. Regardless, though, however dominant or just pain good at the game a player is, they still have to go through it. They still have to jump through to hoops so that we can see the progress of their journey. But Chris’ journey largely played out of Edge of Extinction, where even if we DID get footage of it, screen time needed to be divided between everyone else there. Thus, Chris got lost in the shuffle, and we the audience feel like we only really got to know him in this last episode. Again, he played well in that episode, but it still begs the question: If all we needed was this episode, why did we watch all the others?

There was really no season recap this time, nor was there Probst talking about why each remaining player could win. Frankly, I’m happy the latter is gone, since it was kind of forced anyway, but the former can be necessary. After all, more people tend to tune in to the finale of a show, rather than a random episode in the middle. Thus, the recap is needed to understand the journey that brought us to this point. Even the most boring seasons like “Survivor Fiji”, or the most predictable seasons like “Survivor Redemption Island”, there was at least a reason why we needed that journey. Even if we already knew or didn’t care about the outcome, we still needed the guidance of the rest of the season to understand that outcome. Here, someone tuning in for just this episode, even without a season recap, would lose nothing. They could watch it, and get just as much out of it as someone who had followed the entire season. And if 12/13 episodes of your season don’t need to be watched, what was the point of having the season at all?

Now, I hear the counterargument to this already: “Chris did have a story. It was just all on Edge of Extinction. And weren’t you, Matt, one of the ones praising the show for not spending so much time on Edge of Extinction?” You’re right about that, but it doesn’t change the fact that it retroactively makes the season pointless. Of course, we wouldn’t want the show to devote more time to the Edge of Extinction than to people still in the game, but then, if one of those people wins, it feels hollow. The only solution I can really think of to satisfy both worlds would be to have made the segments of “Edge of Extinction” its own show. Have it air right after “Survivor”, and be all about the social dynamics of the Edge of Extinction, with the finale being a kind of crossover between those two shows. Then we might have had time to develop everyone as needed to make a satisfying finale. Now, this would never happen. While “Survivor” has an impressive longevity, it must be said that the heyday of the show is passed, and so CBS is not logically going to devote an entire timeslot to a companion show no one is guaranteed to watch. However, if we’re trying to find a way for this twist to work, this is the only way I can think of. As it stands, this twist is a terrible idea that moves “Survivor” to a point where it isn’t recognizable as “Survivor” any more. Because it is such a different animal, and renders the vast majority of the season as being pointless, there is no logical place for this season to go other than the very bottom of the rankings.

Probably the biggest disappointment of all here, though, is that the season did not have to be this way. Not even close. It’s not like something like the aforementioned “Survivor Fiji”, where the cast mean the season was doomed before they even started filming. This cast had potential. As I said, there were a lot of intriguing new players this time around. But with so much time devoted to returning players, advantages, and the Edge of Extinction itself, they just get shunted aside. Thus, we cannot bond with them, or the season. Really, ALL the players on this season deserved a better season than what they got, and shame on CBS for taking something good and doing everything in their power to ruin it.

Ok, ok, let’s talk about something that actually goes WELL this season: The Reunion show. Still too little time devoted to it, but we talk with most of the important people, get a comment on most everyone, and most importantly, fewer pointless Probst segments. No audience interviews, no kid guessing the obvious winner. Hell, the only former player we see is a brief glimpse of Cochran, and then it’s at a relevant time to mention him. Yeah, I really don’t have any complaints about this particular reunion show, again apart from the length.

As to the upcoming season, it can only be an improvement. If you’re going to bring back returning players with new players, I think keeping the new players out of the competition is the way to do it. They can add flavor to the season this way, but also are less likely to dominate screen time as a result. It’s not a guarantee, so I’m holding my judgment until the season proper, and I am concerned about the lack of new player confessionals in the preview. Plus, getting advice from old players might encourage new players to ape their style, rather than going their own way. Still, there’s potential for good here, and those giant heads are just the kind of cheesy I can get behind, so I’ll give this season a fair shake. Now, onto discussing how my pre-season opinions matched up to reality, starting with:

Dan-Right on personality, wrong on time in the game. He made himself more necessary than I thought he would, and was smarter than I gave him credit for. That said, I count this one as a loss for me.

Reem-Overall right, though she was definitely feistier than I gave her credit for.

Rick-Pretty much right here, though I didn’t call his ending up on Edge of Extinction.

Wendy-Again, pretty well nailed the personality, though she was out earlier than I expected.

Lauren-Despite my saying she had more game than she gets credit for, I still say her personality was on point. Name one thing about her that wasn’t related to Kelley Wentworth. I’ll wait. Oh, and she lasted longer than I would have thought.

Keith-I’m seeing a trend here. Keith is yet another one where I called his personality, but was vastly wrong on his time in the game.

Chris-Wrong. Out earlier than I expected, but also had more game than I expected as well.

Victoria-She made it longer than I guessed, but I’d say I was right overall.

Ron-Wrong. Much more socially aware, and as a result longer-lived, than I ever anticipated.

Julia-Probably the only one on this list where I hit the nail on the head for both personality and time in the game.

Eric-Pretty much right, though I think I gave him too much credit in the “smarts” department.

Aurora-She made herself overall more low-key, at least pre-merge, and so lasted longer than I expert suspected she would. Good for her.

Julie-Wrong. Much less domineering, and much longer-lived than I gave her credit for.

Gavin-A little bit longer-lived than I expected, but Gavin fell pretty close to what I thought otherwise.

Kelley-Right, though as returnees are easier to predict, having seen their previous gameplay, I only consider this a half-win at best.

Joe-Right on vote-out time, wrong on his coming back to win the whole thing.

Aubry-Wrong. I’m not sure how much time is needed for people to think of her more as “Survivor Game Changers” Aubry rather than “Survivor Kaoh Rong” Aubry, but clearly, it’s not enough.

David-Wrong. Dude managed to hang in there better than I expected. How is it people remember Aubry’s (earlier) performance better than David’s?

This would normally be the point where I end the blog. However, loathe though I am to admit it, and however little this season deserves it, it’s time for another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5

Let’s talk about moves. They need to be made on “Survivor”. Even choosing to not make a move is, in and of itself, making a move. As such, one can usually point to a winner’s moves to explain how they won the game. We’ll be talking about the best actions winners have taken, while also acknowledging those moves that SHOULD have ruined winners games, but they were able to come back from. A couple of ground rules: The move has to be from the season the winner won on. I could vilify Cochran’s flip on “Survivor South Pacific”, but that has no bearing on his win on “Survivor Caramoan”. Second ground rule: It has to be one specific move. Something a winner did overall, such as their social game, isn’t the subject of this list. That said, let’s start with the best of the best, with…

TOP 5

5. Boran Throws the Challenge (“Survivor Africa”): Technically cheating a bit here, since this was a move by a tribe, not just by the winner. However, Ethan seemed to be the one spearheading this move, and it’s my list, so I’ll count it. It was definitely a risk, and I’m normally the first to come out against throwing a challenge, but it cannot be denied that this worked out well for Ethan. It kept his allies on Samburu safe, built trust with T-Bird and Frank, and pretty much decimated any hope of the old Samburu coming back together as a unified whole. Maybe not Ethan’s move alone, but definitely one that helps ensure his victory.

4. Tom Mind-Screws Ian (“Survivor Palau”): At this point in the game, Tom’s only competition was Ian. True, he probably wins the game no matter who he’s against, but it’s much more up in the air against Ian than anyone else. When the plan to oust Ian at the final four goes awry, Tom now has little choice but to duke it out against a younger competitor at an endurance challenge. No mean feat to win. So Tom, to ensure his victory, preys on Ian’s guilt, and gets in his head to the point where Ian gives up, handing Tom victory on that season, and a spot on this list. Again, I keep him low because I think he had it won regardless, but it was a good bit of insurance, just in case.

3. “Please, take this risk.” (“Survivor Vanuatu”): This, frankly, is the reason why Chris Daugherty is a winner. The man had tried and failed multiple times to break up the women, usually at the expense of Eliza. It was only when he had the brainwave to USE Eliza, rather than target her, that finally got him success, and overcome a 6-1 deficit to win. Admittedly, the idea was Scout’s, which is why Chris doesn’t land higher on this list, but without Chris’ salesmanship, it wouldn’t have worked, so he deserves some credit. Also, this means that Chris from this season now hold the distinction of being the second person to win who shares a first name with a previous winner (Natalie White of “Survivor Samoa” and Natalie Anderson of “Survivor San Juan del Sur” being the first pair to do so).

2. “Coach is gunning for you.” (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”): Aw yeah, now we get to talk about the awesomeness that is Sandra! For those who say her game was all about doing nothing, this is my counter-argument. She and Courtney Yates, her only ally, were dead in the water. But one simple conversation with Russell Hantz, and suddenly that paranoia makes neither of them a major target. As Sandra doesn’t even make the merge without this move, it’s safe to say it won her the game, as well as a spot on this list.

1. The Buddy System (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Look, I never said this season had no redeeming features. I just said they were drowned in a sea of mediocrity. That said, it cannot be denied that Boston Rob had a good strategy here. By isolating everyone so that his sycophants would never think of flipping, he managed to maintain his iron grip on the tribe, even when up against players better than what he had in the pre-merge. It made the season boring and predictable, but it cannot be denied it was good strategy.

Honorable Mention: J.T.’s Crocodile Tears (“Survivor Tocantins”): You may remember that J.T. gave quite the performance at the “Survivor Tocantins” final tribal council. Acting indignant and hurt at Stephen’s supposed “betrayal”. I even saw some tears there. There’s a reason J.T. was the second shut-out victory in the history of the show, but I keep this off the list proper because I can guarantee that J.T. wins the game even without this. Stephen was respected by the jury, but wasn’t worshipped like J.T. was, so all J.T. did was humiliate Stephen still further. Unnecessary, J.T. “Survivor Cambodia” would do that well enough.

BOTTOM 5

5. Jenna’s Emotional Breakdown (“Survivor The Amazon”): I’ll admit, I’m a bit reluctant to mark someone down for showing emotion on “Survivor”. That said, the fact remains that Jenna’s breakdown at the final five did her no favors. When it’s kind of a coin toss between you and your ally as to who goes home, telling people you’re ready to go is not a good look. I keep it this low on the list because I don’t think Jenna made this as a “move” per se, but not having as good control on the emotions is a mark against a potential winner, as we saw with Julie this season.

4. Sandra Throws Out the Fish (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Yes, for all that we must praise Sandra for her awesomeness, we must also point out where she messed up. Sabotaging the tribe, especially in the early seasons of the show, was often a death sentence. Moreover, Sandra was doing this out of petty revenge for the betrayal of Rupert, rather than any strategic reasoning. It would be one thing if Sandra had intentionally tried to cover her tracks, but she just got lucky that Christa took the fall. If she hadn’t, Sandra might well have been gone out of sheer frustration from the tribe. Sandra is still awesome, but she’s lucky this move didn’t backfire on her.

3. Final 6 Rock Draw (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”): I keep this one from higher on the list because I see little Tyson could have done in this situation to prevent this, save keep a tighter grip on Ciera. That said, not having your allies in check is a sin even Tyson is not exempt from. This move really could have cost him the game had he drawn the wrong rock. True, the risk was greater for the other alliance (two members drawing rocks as opposed to one), but still, if Tyson draws the wrong rock, that season is never the same. Too much of a risk, so it earns a spot on this list.

2. Mike and the Auction (“Survivor Worlds Apart”): While Tyson’s move had the CHANCE of him going home, I’m AMAZED this didn’t send Mike home. For starters, the idea itself is bad. Going back on a deal YOU YOURSELF suggested makes you look like a dick, especially since it involves messages from home, which are always emotionally charged. No advantage is worth that in a social game like “Survivor”. But then Mike doubles down on the idiocy by then following through on the deal, meaning he gets no upside. People hate you for trying to backstab them publicly, and you don’t even get the advantage you were going for in the first place. It’s only through the grace of immunity that Mike won. This really should have cost him the game.

1. Chris Trusts Wardog (“Survivor Edge of Extinction”): This one’s a no-brainer. The only thing worse than a winner making a move that could POTENTIALLY get them voted off is them making a move that ACTUALLY votes them off. A person who wins despite their mistake costing them their spot in the game is the type of winner I just can’t get behind, if I haven’t already made that clear.

Honorable Mention: MAD (“Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”): I keep this one off the list proper because the idea was good. Take someone you want as an ally, and share secrets so you both have an incentive to stay aligned. This is what Adam did with Taylor regarding their various advantages (a reward steal for Adam, plus hidden food for Taylor). The flaw here is that Taylor is not exactly playing what we might call a “strategic” game, and thus has no incentive to worry about messing up his own game. Thus, he outs Adam’s deception, and Adam comes off looking the worse for it. I even wrote at the time that Adam had torpedoed his own chances of winning with this move, so it must be talked about here.

At long last, we come to the end of this season, and good riddance. I’ll say it before, and I’ll say it again: everyone involved deserved a better season. We had a cast that, while not the stuff of legend, was definitely solid and could have developed good future returnees. However, a combination of too much focus on the returnees, too many advantages, time taken away for the Edge of Extinction, and a winner who only really showed up in the last episode, means this season doesn’t really even count as “Survivor”. If it must, though, it’s the very bottom of the “Survivor” pile. At least we get a nice long break before the next season. That’ll give us time to get invested again.

But what of this blog during the off-season? Don’t worry, content will still come, but don’t expect the return of “Survivor Retrospectives” yet. Don’t worry, I still intend to finish, but they take a lot of work, and I’m just burnt out on them at the moment. That said, I’ve had a couple of ideas for new blog topics, including one feature I hope to make a regular thing, that I’ll be rolling out over the summer, and I hope you enjoy them.

Let’s end this on a high note. One positive I can say for the season: NO PLAYERS BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE! Yes, the tradition of “Idol Speculation” is finally broken, and no players have busted down my wall insisting on an audience, and closing me a lot in repairs. At last, I can go one season without calling a contractor…

CRASH!

RICK: DUN-DUN-DA-DA-DAH! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN!

MATT: GAAAAAAAAAAH!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Ghost Island” Episode 7: Everybody Knew

HALLELUJAH! PRAISE JESUS! A savior has been found! A savior to deliver us from the greatest evil in the game of “Survivor”! Oh, not entitlement or reading the room completely wrong! No, no, the greatest evil in “Survivor” is horrible rap that no one acknowledges is horrible. But now, our lord and savior Wendell has brought us salvation! Praise be!

Ok, ok, enough with the gushing. Time for a “Survivor” history lesson: Back in the day, believe it or not, the merge was a big deal. The exact date it would happen was kept a secret, and the tribes were brought together in varied and unexpected ways. Unfortunately, the producers preyed on the apathy of the viewing audience, and so now all we get is people by boats arriving at camp. Hell, we’ve even dispensed with tree mail at this point. No foreshadowing, just opening on people on boats heading to the new camp. Hell, we don’t even get much in the way of pre-merge confessionals, mostly just Kellyn being happy that she gets to show off her social prowess, and Mike being happy at his new lease on life. I guess I can see the argument that one’s time can be better spent on other aspects of the episode, but it does make the whole thing lose some of its grandeur.

Evidently whoever’s voted out last before the merge gets to pick the merge camp, as everyone is moving to Naviti’s old beach. Domenick is of course happy to see Wendell, but his hackles go up at the sight of Chris. Did I mention that Domenick and Chris don’t like each other? Yes? I just wanted to make sure. It was pretty easy to miss. I mean, they only mentioned it EVERY GODDAMN EPISODE! Seriously, if that storyline hadn’t come to an end this episode, I would have been incredibly pissed off.

The contestants are told to go to the other side of the island for a surprise. I’m guessing the tree mails at the camps indicated that this was a merge, as the note for the feast does not use the term “merge”, yet everyone seems to feel it’s a merge. Mike takes this time to comment on wanting to be the “Youngest Player Ever”. I’m guessing he actually means “Youngest Winner Ever”, since while he is 18, there was no press hype about Mike being younger than Will Wahl. You remember Will Wahl? He was the guy who couldn’t drink alcohol on “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”.

Sure enough, it’s a merge, with black buffs for everyone. And thus begins the speechifying, mainly by Domenick, trying to extend an olive branch of unity to the tribe, while still harboring some resentment towards Chris. Not to be outdone, Chris also starts speechifying on a similar topic, before devolving into “rappifying”. And I’ll give him credit, it’s better than his first attempt at rapping, though this is less due to his technique, and more due to the fact that he doesn’t misuse the phrase “diamond in the rough”.

Kellyn, prior to the feast, had made a comment about deciding where to sit socially. I, for one, would have been inclined to decide where to sit based on where an advantage is most likely hidden. Come on, with a setup this typical, there’s no way that the producers wouldn’t hide an idol or advantage, or a clue to one of these, in that feast. Inevitably, they do so, and Chris is our big winner this time. It seems that production thought the Chris/Domenick/Wendell battle was too one-sided in terms of advantages, and so throw Chris a bone. He’s told to go to tree mail, where he finds a note that says a boat will take him to Ghost Island tonight if he can sneak out of camp, and that he can find an idol there. This is an idol twist I can get behind. Apart from changing things up from you basic idol hunt or Ghost Island game that we’ve become accustomed to, it’s a much more high-risk way to get the idol than we’ve seen. We had something similar on “Survivor Cambodia”, but there, Jeremy didn’t have to hike too far from camp. He could leave without arousing suspicion. Here, Chris is likely to be gone for much longer, thus increasing the risk. Plus, and idol hunt amongst “Survivor” lore? Chris will doubtless have to use his in-depth knowledge of “Survivor” to find the correct thing that is an idol amongst a bunch of other, powerless idols, and this in no way is a setup for profound disappointment from this “Survivor” fan.

As has been demonstrated many times in the past, however, good old-fashioned social maneuvering can sometimes overcome advantages. Wendell, being the sensible one caught in this conflict, decides to try and bridge the gap between Chris and Domenick. After all, while the original Naviti enjoys an 8-5 majority over the original Malolo, infighting can make that majority go away quickly. Working together, even temporarily, can make the infighting much safer. So Wendell gets the pair of them to sit down. Domenick, putting on his diplomat hat, makes the offer to Chris to work together, at least for one vote, to avoid an original Malolo comeback. Chris takes this generous offer, and considers what to do with it. He could say “Yes”, even if he doesn’t trust it, in the hope that Domenick and Wendell will then not gun for him, and if nothing else, he’s no worse off. Instead, Chris goes full Jonathan Penner (“Survivor Cook Islands”) by taking this generous offer, shoving it back in the faces of those that made it, and giving them the proverbial finger just for good measure. Ok, even as someone hoping for the success of Domenick’s side, due to it including Wendell, I’m not a huge fan of Domenick. The guy really started this whole petty conflict when he could have just let it go at several opportunities, and digs himself into more holes than he needs to. Chris, despite a certain amount of arrogance, is at least not the primary aggressor in this conflict. But here? There’s no downside to Chris saying yes, even if he doesn’t mean it. It possibly helps get a target off of your back, and gives you more options down the road. And yet Chris says no? At this point he deserves to lose, even if just for the stupidity.

Oh, and just to add to the “Chris is a moron.” counter? He mispronounces “suave”. Ok, “beneficiary” I can kind of understand, at least that was a polysyllable, but “suave”. How did you even mess that up?

Night falls, meaning it’s time for Chris to make like Kelley Wentworth (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”), and be “Sneaky, Sneaky” and get out of camp. This he does, and is whisked off to Ghost Island, lit up in flame. All right, now THIS is where Ghost Island can be ominous in its full effect! Creepy shots of idols! Creepy shots of snuffers! A mad hunt as Chris walks up the stairs and finds the idol sitting out on a table just waiting for him. Wait, what?

Yeah, I must admit, I’m disappointed. Ghost Island, being so full of “Survivor” relics, would have been a fantastic location for a proverbial Easter Egg hunt, and I was excited to see what they do with it. Having the idol literally served up to Chris on a platter is a big letdown.

Thankfully, the show does make up for it somewhat. Chris has specifically found JT’s idol from “Survivor Game Changers”, aka an idol that was so badly misplayed that it loses power, and is only good at the upcoming Tribal Council. Not that this should matter much to Chris, since really this upcoming Tribal Council, with the merge having happened and physical threats now the major targets, there’s really no reason he shouldn’t play it at this upcoming Tribal Council, and thus it still fulfills its purpose to Chris.

Fortunately for the viewer, it doesn’t stop there, as Ghost Island has updated its game slightly. Chris can add to the number of Tribal Councils the idol can be used at by playing the 50/50 guessing game we’ve seen so far. However, there are now five rounds, with each consecutive win increasing the number of Tribal Councils the idol can be played at. Of course, the whole “Lost Vote” thing still applies. A bit of a debate for Chris, but on the whole, I’d say the smartest move is not to play. True, if Chris IS in the majority, it’s a solid one where his lack of a vote won’t really matter. However, with alliances so up in the air, it’s a risk, and one that Chris doesn’t really need to take. As I said earlier, there’s no reason Chris SHOULDN’T play this idol at the first available opportunity, and thus no reason to take the risk. It’s a decently large risk for a fairly small reward. Odds like that get Chris Noble’s blood a-pounding, and so he plays. To his credit, he does manage to win the first guess, gaining him TWO Tribal Councils to use the idol. Gambler’s fallacy does Chris in, though, as he switches sides for the second guess, and finds a “No Vote” parchment, thus screwing him potentially and assuaging everyone’s fear that the show was just bluffing about the “No Vote” thing.

We head back to the newly christened Lavita Tribe (whose name is neither good nor bad enough to comment on beyond this moment). What we have left before our immunity challenge is really just more of Chris and Domenick bickering. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before, and with one exception, none of it bears analysis. However, I will first applaud the editing here, as they show Domenick complaining about Chris’ arrogance, only to interrupt it with Chris comparing himself to Dwayne Wade. They even made it look like Domenick was somehow sitting in on Chris’ confessional. Priceless.

Somewhat more interesting is how this all turns to strategy. Since the old Malolo will likely be the swing votes here, Wendell sets out to court Libby and Jenna, evidently because Domenick would do more harm than good in this scenario. Wendell gives a good pitch, and Libby and Jenna consider it. However, while Jenna’s dislike of Chris is known, and Chris may be strong in the challenges, Libby makes the good point that Chris is kind of bad at the whole “lying” thing, and thus might be better to work with. A fair point. So fair, in fact, that I’ll call it here and say that it would be much better for the original Malolo to side with Chris in this scenario. Don’t get me wrong, Chris isn’t quite as much of a moron at strategy as these ladies make him out to be, but he’s still pretty bad. Add onto that the fact that, if the old Malolo can exploit this fracture, their only real threat is a bunch of advantages, then Chris is far and away the smart move. Chris has one idol that works at two Tribal Councils. Between them, Wendell and Domenick have two idols that can work at any time, plus a legacy advantage. Much more threatening.

As is standard at this point, our first individual challenge is an endurance one. Contestants will hold a pole over their head horizontally, with a totem balanced on one end, while standing on an increasingly smaller balance beam. Last one standing with their idol wins. I applaud the show for trying something new (again, wish they’d do that with the MERGE), but this challenge just falls flat. Like me, you may think that the players look like they’re holding boom mikes. That’s because this challenge was inspired by the people on the crew who hold the boom mikes. The trouble is, it kind of breaks the illusion of this being “reality” if you’re drawing from television culture rather than local culture. That doesn’t make this the worst first individual immunity challenge, and I don’t want to squash the creativity of the crew, but I expect better.

This challenge also gives us our first look at the new individual immunity idol, which I have mixed feelings on. On the one had, it does a lot that’s different from your usual idol. The centerpiece of the necklace, which usually points away from the neck, is now angled towards the neck of the wearer, giving this idol a distinctive silhouette. Plus, they’ve managed to recreate the season logo (at least the shadow part) on the idol which is wicked cool. That said, something about this idol just feels off to me. I don’t know, maybe it’s just too big, but despite the cool features previously listed, it just doesn’t sit right with me somehow.

One would expect an endurance challenge involving balance to come down to the ladies, and indeed it does, with Kellyn and Libby duking it out for the win. This creates an interesting dichotomy in what could happen. Kellyn is not really a target here, but Libby’s name was thrown around as a possible target should things go Naviti strong. Granted, nothing’s given us any indication that the vote would go for anyone but Chris or Domenick, but still. It’s a winner of no consequence versus a winner of possible consequence. The winner of no consequence wins out, as Kellyn takes the victory. Good for her.

Chris is the one to strike first back at camp, pulling in literally everyone back at camp save Wendell and Domenick on a trip to the well to discuss splitting the vote between the pair, so as to flush out the idol. To Chris’ credit, he does make a good pitch. An idol’s a threat, and it gives Domenick and Wendell a good amount of power that virtually no one else has. Plus, splitting the vote is a great way for Chris to hide his “No Vote” without looking suspicious. The problem here is that Chris is about as subtle as a Mack Truck (copyright Malcolm Freberg, “Survivor Philippines”), and everyone, including Wendell and Domenick, notice. Apart from alienating some people by Chris seeming to think they’re that stupid, this gives Wendell and Domenick time to confer. Wendell tells Domenick about his idol, which given the situation, I can’t hate. From the outside, things look pretty desperate for the pair, and the more information they have about what’s going on, the better to plot their move. The pair again pitch their plan to the others, but we don’t really get any word on how people feel about it. Frankly, it’s chaos back at camp, so much so that LIBBY’S name comes up just for simplicity. Seriously. The original Naviti women (Kellyn, Angela, Desi, and Chelsea) all say that voting for Libby might be the best strategy for now. An idea that seems ludicrous at first, as four is hard to make a majority out of 12, but between the split vote and idols it could happen.

Despite the confusion, things become clear when Domenick, Wendell, and Chris all talk about playing their idols tonight. This will effectively be a lesser version of Advantagegeddon. Domenick will rightly play his idol, which will lead Chris to play HIS idol just to be safe, which will lead Wendell to play HIS idol just to be safe, which will leave Libby in the crosshairs. Not quite as bad as Advantagegeddon, since it doesn’t make for an elimination by default, but still out there. I wouldn’t fault any of these guys for playing their idol. Given what we’ve seen between Domenick and Chris, it’s the smart move for both of them, and since the vote is likely to be split, both of them playing idols makes it smart for Wendell to play his idol.

As you’d expect, Tribal Council is an over-the-top fun debate between Domenick and Chris about who started what and when. We get some more attempts at diplomacy from Wendell, and color commentary from Libby about how good this is for the original Malolo, but frankly it’s SO crazy it all blends together. Thankfully, it’s an enjoyable crazy, since Chris and Domenick don’t seem to ACTUALLY hate each other, and are more in-game rivals than actually feuding. This means that we get good mystery at Tribal Council, rather than annoying blustering.

But, of course, the real highlight is the voting confessionals for this episode. We see three, and of those, only Chris’ falls flat. For the good ones, Domenick starts us off, following in the grand tradition of yelling your vote for all to hear, goes off on Chris yet again. An entertaining move, but not a smart one. Do you WANT the guy you’re trying to blindside to know your vote? Granted, Domenick doesn’t know about Chris’s idol, but still, seems like an unnecessary risk. The real highlight, as mentioned at the top of the blog, is Wendell. The normally calm and collected peacemaker starts off simple enough. He praises Chris’ strength, but then rightly gives him some criticism on being entitled and socially unaware. Had it stopped here, there’d really be no need to comment on it. Some justified criticism explaining a vote from someone whose vote we already knew. But then, Wendell goes off. We see his dark side. It seems that what gets under Wendell’s skin is what gets under all our skins. Poor quality rapping. And seriously, Wendell just goes OFF on the guy. He starts off with a harsh “Your rapping sucks. You suck at rapping.” But then it just keeps going. And going. And going! And it turns into a thirty-second diatribe against Chris’ rapping. You can’t write this stuff! Comedy gold! While I find “Survivor” funny, rarely does it make me laugh audibly. Yet I was busting my gut over this. One of the most entertaining things I’ve seen from this show for quite a while!

Now onto the playing of idols/advantages. After a decently long suspense-building pause, Domenick breaks first. He’s been wearing his fake idol around his neck pretty much all Tribal, but wisely decides to play his Legacy Advantage instead, which is a wise move. As I’ve said, Domenick needs to protect himself, and it’s better to use the thing that’s time-limited than the thing that can be used at any time. This, of course, leads to a cascade where Chris, and then Wendell, play their idols…

Wait, why is Jeff reading the votes?

Ok, I’ll admit it, they got me. This episode was pretty good about keeping things mysterious, but I was CONVINCED we’d get a triple idol play. It made sense both narratively and strategically. These guys have cajones of steel for not doing anything.

Of course, in Chris’ case, he SHOULD have done something. Maybe his brain is steel as well. I think I’ve made clear that his is the wrong move strategically for everyone but Domenick and Wendell (and, if the next episode preview is to be believed, it has a downside even for them), but as a viewer, I’m ELATED! Chris, while definitely a three-dimensional character, was still on the whole arrogant, condescending, and taking up too much time with the pointless feud. Now we can get on with the narrative. This felt like just the right amount of time for this feud to brew, and now we get a satisfying conclusion. Good job, show.

Oh, and Chris can’t rap. That’s another good reason to vote him out.

Interesting factoid: Chris now gets to join an elite group of players who exited the game without ever ONCE getting to cast a legitimate vote themselves. Surprisingly he is not the first, but he joins a small group nonetheless. His only companions in this area are Wanda Shirk and Jonathan Libby of “Survivor Palau”, Gary Stritesky of “Survivor Fiji”, Kourtney Moon of “Survivor One World”, Dana Lambert of “Survivor Philippines”, and Caleb Reynolds of “Survivor Kaoh Rong”. And of these people, Chris is the only one attend Tribal Council (no, the schoolyard pick on “Survivor Palau” doesn’t count). Plus, for all you Chris fans out there, he gets to be on the jury, so don’t feel too sad for him.

Now, why do I say this move could be bad for Domenick and Wendell? Well, while Chris was a big threat to them, he was an annoyance and a distraction. Now, who are the biggest threats left in the game? Why, Domenick and Wendell of course! Granted, Wendell’s good socially, and both have idols, so they’re hardly in the worst shape ever, but I’m concerned for them next episode. Still, I’ve seen people come out of worse scrapes, so I’m not counting them out just yet.

But we’re talking about this episode, and while I was concerned for a bit, it ended up great! Things at the merge seemed fine enough, but very standard and even confusing at times. That Tribal Council redeems the whole thing, though. Exciting, mysterious, and an engaging climax! Who could ask for more? Well, you could ask for a…

TOP 5 AND… TOP 5?

Yes, it’s time once again for a list at the merge. Given my love for Wendell’s voting confessional, that means it’s doubtless time to talk about the best voting confessionals of all time. Since this list doesn’t lend itself well to the “Worst” ones, since it would just be me saying “they’re boring” over and over again, I’ll make this effectively a top ten. This category is pretty self-explanatory, so the only rule worth mentioning is that the limit is one per season. Apart from that, let’s get started!

10. “The ‘Outwit’ Part” (“Survivor Guatemala”): If I were doing “Honorable Mentions” on this list, this confessional would go there, but I’m not, so I’ll settle for putting it on the bottom. Brian Corridan was one of the wittier people on “Survivor Guatemala”, so it’s no surprise that his voting confessionals tended to be good as well. People may remember his “Golden Boy” vote a bit better, and I NEARLY put it on the list, but it seemed a bit forced to me. Brian, the self-proclaimed smart person of the season, saying to Bobby Jon, condescendingly “This would be the ‘Outwit’ part of ‘Outwit, Outplay, Outlast’” is more spontaneous and subsequently more funny to me. The problem? Despite Brian’s boasting, Bobby Jon wins out, since Brian goes home. Vastly detracts from the confessional, but funny nonetheless.

9. “You have made my life HELL!” (“Survivor Gabon”): There’s something inherently funny about people taking the “secret” vote and throwing the idea out the window. Crystal Cox’s vote for Randy Bailey does just that, and is funny enough to earn a spot on this list. That said, it DOES come across as fairly mean-spirited, and so I can’t give it too high a spot, but it’s too funny not to include here.

8. “Dragon Slayed” (“Survivor Tocantins”): Sometimes, simple is better. I’m in the camp that Coach’s whole “Dragonslayer” thing was forced and went on too long to really be entertaining. Still, if it had to last, this was a satisfying conclusion. Erinn Lobdell, someone looked down upon by the titular Coach, delivers the greatest comeback to the whole thing as she enacts her final vengeance. Granted, I’m not a huge fan of Erinn either, so this one doesn’t do it for me quite like it does for some other people, but like I say, it’s still quite good. Sometimes, the simple things in life are the best.

7. “This vote is a total bummer, dude.” (“Survivor Cagayan”): In keeping with the theme of “confessionals from people I’m not a huge fan of.”, we have a gem from Spencer of “Survivor Cagayan”. While I did fine Spencer enjoyable for humor, it was mostly humor directed at him rather than humor from him. What can I say, it’s funny to see a guy try and fail time and again. But credit where credit is due, Spencer did make me laugh at his vote-out with his impression of Woo. This is kind of an odd choice, since it has elements I said I didn’t like from previous entries. Specifically, it’s an unsuccessful, mean-spirited vote. What saves it is that I don’t feel like Spencer really thought he would be spared this vote, and so just wanted to go all out, and despite how mean it is, the impression is spot on. Plus, it adds to my theory that Spencer might have voted for Kass in the end had she been up against Woo, so there’s that.

6. “DENISE.” (“Survivor Philippines”): Like I said before, loud is good. Few people get louder than Jonathan Penner, and he even went so far as to turn around to make sure it was heard. Penner’s usually good for a laugh, and this time is no exception. Short, sweet, and incredibly funny.

5. “You can’t rap.” (“Survivor Ghost Island”): Need I say more about Wendell’s incredible voting confessional? While funny, it doesn’t quite measure up to the gems of yore in my opinion, but still comes pretty close. What it might lack in intensity in some places it makes up for in length. When you think it’s done, it just keeps going. And going. And going. And…

4. “You’ll still give me the money.” (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”): What list of quips would be complete without the great Sandra Diaz-Twine weighing in? In my opinion, this is the greatest Sandra badass moment there is. Rupert, having stupidly rejected an alliance with her, is voted out for his troubles. Sandra, to rub it in, notes that Rupert will vote for her regardless. Badass enough, but what makes it funny is that it comes to pass exactly as she says. Rupert realizes his mistake, and pays for it by voting for Sandra. That, my friends, is karma.

3. “You can always beat ‘em with these.” (“Survivor Micronesia”): Frankly, any confessional from the Erik Reichenbach boot would have worked, and if I didn’t have the one-per-season limit, Parvati’s would definitely be on here. As it stands, though, I have to give Cirie the edge for out-badassing Sandra. Cirie’s “Momma always said you can’t beat ‘em with these all the time, but you can always beat ‘em with these.” while first pointing to her muscles and then her brain was a good summation of Cirie’s character, and a badass callout. And bear in mind, these are compliments from someone who’s NOT a fan of Cirie, so that tells you how good it was, that it could break through the veneer of a non-fan.

2. “Checkmate, bruh!” (“Survivor Marquesas”): This confessional right here is why I say Sean Rector is funnier than Boston Rob. John Carroll’s downfall was a satisfying one, but this was just the cherry on top. Sean cockily (but not with bad sportsmanship) declaring his victory of John, while making references to both Vegas and Chicken and Waffles in one bizarre yet fascinating confessional. What could top it?

1. Casey Kasem (“Survivor The Amazon”): Kind of a cliche one to pick, but it’s a fan favorite for a reason. Rob Cesternino doing a spot on impression of a disc jockey to dis Roger Sexton on his way out is that one-of-a-kind comedy (and the rare non-sex-based comedy of this season), that will likely never be repeated. Mostly because of copyright reasons, but also because of Rob’s nearly unparalleled impression skills. He well earns the number one spot on this list.

Hoo, and there you have it. See you next week! May Chris’ rapping soon be forgotten!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Ghost Island” Episode 6: Bradley and the Advantage Factory

Come with me/and you’ll be/in a world of idol saturation!
Living there/there won’t be/a straightforward vote…

Take note, all those people complaining about the lack of idols/advantages on this season: This is your fault! All this stuff now in the game? By proxy, that’s on you. True, it’s doubtful you were out on the island influencing production to plant these things, but you wished for this, you got it. Why is this a problem, though? After all, wasn’t this actually a pretty good episode that set up a lot of future intrigue? Well yes, yes it was. However, I’m willing to bet that at least SOME of you complaining about the lack of advantages this season ALSO complained about “Advantagegeddon” from “Survivor Game Changers”. And what did that involve? Three hidden immunity idols and a legacy advantage. And what do we have on this season? Three hidden immunity idols, a legacy advantage, AND a vote steal! In wishing for this to happen, you have invited in the possibility of that which you hate happening again. If we get another “Advantagegeddon”, I don’t want to hear ANY complaints! You wished for this, you live with the consequences!

Speaking of Ghost Island, and things related to it, it’s time once again for…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Last episode, I neglected to mention something that wasn’t there: Ghost Island! Yes, in a remarkable show of restraint, the producers decided that the tribe shuffle was twist enough, and rather than screw somebody by forcing them out of new tribe dynamics, they just let things play out naturally. Despite the aforementioned complaints about the lack of Ghost Island on a season called “Ghost Island”, I’m actually ok with this. With three tribes, we now need all the time we can to adjust to the new dynamics. Ghost Island does nothing but distract from that. And again, I think it’s nice to see that the producers do have restraint, and aren’t just throwing a twist in every episode for the sake of drama.

“Previously on… ‘Survivor’! Malolo sucks!” Laugh if you will, but that’s hardly an exaggeration. Gone are the days of the (relatively) unbiased narrative.

Less sucky is Mike, who is taking the initiative to go idol hunting, as he is on the bottom of the tribe. Can’t really fault him on this score. After all, Angela, Desi, and Kellyn seem like a pretty tight group. You’ve shown some loyalty by voting with them, but in the event of another pre-merge Tribal Council, I doubt that’ll get you very far. Thus, idol hunting is the best bet. Now, it may seem wrong to berate players for repeating a mistake from a season they hadn’t seen, but Angela, Desi, and Kellyn all deserve berating. WHY DIDN’T YOU KEEP A TAIL ON MIKE? WHY? This is exactly what happened with Ben Driebergen (“Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers”), and you saw how that turned out! Well no, you didn’t, but we the audience did! And even then, it’s just common sense. Hell, it’s not like Mike was even sneaky about it. Desi even comments on it, yet you do NOTHING? Once again, a loss of respect points.

Mike is justly rewarded for his unhindered efforts by finding an idol. Specifically it’s the “F*cking Stick” from “Survivor Micronesia”. For one second, I think they’re playing with the poor boy’s emotions. “Ha ha, you get the idol that isn’t really an idol! Good luck fooling people with it!” or something similar. But no. Evidently idols work on Pokemon logic, as enough time and experience can evolve a fake idol into a real idol. Personally, I say that particular fake idol needed a LOT more time to work, but I suppose it’s good for humor’s sake.

Also, I don’t buy that this thing is “cursed”. To me, a “Survivor” object is cursed when it fails in what it’s supposed to do. Thus, things like James’ idol from “Survivor China” make sense, since they failed in their intended purpose. But the stick? It’s job was to throw people off the trail of the real idol, which it did. Ok, the point about how everyone who handled it (Eliza, Ozzy, and Jason) being voted out one after another is a good one, but not exactly the stuff of cursed legends.

Our second reference to last season is a much better one, coming in the form of a reward challenge. Teams of four must hold a ropes taught to support a platform, on which they must spell the word “Reward”. The first team to do this gets steaks, kebabs, a grill, spices, and the right to send anyone from the other two teams to Ghost Island. Second place gets kebabs, and third place jack diddly. I loved this challenge last season, and I love it now. It’s tricky, and leads to a good number of “come from behind victories”. This season, we are not disappointed, as each tribe falls out at some point, only to work their way back up.

Before we talk about the challenge proper, I have to take a moment to criticize Yanuna’s sit-out. Naiviti does the logical thing and sit out the top-heavy Domenick, but Yanuya? They go with Laurel. WHY? This challenge is designed for women (with their naturally lower center of gravity) to do well. Wendell and Chris are strong, don’t get me wrong, but they’re also incredibly top-heavy. They are, in some ways, a liability this time. I suppose I can’t argue with results, but still.

Naviti takes the top prize, despite Bradley’s barking orders clearly getting on some people’s nerves. They are the only tribe to figure out how to go fast, though, so it makes sense. Naiviti, being slow and steady (though not as slow as Malolo), takes second, under the leadership of Chris. I should mention, this is the first episode this season where we get not a single scene of Chris being a dick to somebody, or just being arrogant in general. This is partly due to seeing just about nothing of Chris. The most we get is him leading Yanuya in this challenge, and even that’s mostly just polite coaching, rather than barking orders. If Chris wants ANY chance at a comeback, this is the attitude he needs to adopt.

There’s also the matter of who to send to Ghost Island, and for once, we actually get consensus. Evidently using the argument of “Minimize the number of people who could possibly have advantages.”, Naviti agrees to send Kellyn back to Ghost Island. I get why that type of argument would sway people, but why not send Chris based on that logic? Domenick hates him, and so taking him out of the tribe dynamic (not to mention missing the reward, as I doubt meat keeps very well unrefrigerated in the tropics) would be a nice revenge, and the logic still works. Ah well, at least it’s nice to see that it’s not ALWAYS drawing rocks.

Kellyn’s second return is not as heart-wrenching, but that may be due to the fact that the producers have sweetened the pot, lest Kellyn be cautious again. Now there are three bamboo chutes, with two containing advantages, thus giving her a 2/3 chance of getting something good, rather than losing a vote. Unlike last time, where there was debate to be had about what’s best for Kellyn, this time the answer is clear: Go for it! Last time, Kellyn was in a precarious situation on her tribe, and every vote mattered. This time, she’s in a solid majority, and with Mike’s idol, what she does on the next vote doesn’t really matter. Kellyn is smart enough to realize this, plays, and is rewarded with an extra vote. Continuing the weird Pokemon evolutionary lines we’ve seen this episode, evidently vote steals (the advantage Kellyn actually won, specifically the one that ousted Michaela on “Survivor Game Changers”) evolve into extra votes, since, you know, they’re written on. Kellyn is obviously happy, and I’m happy to see smart playing rewarded.

Speaking of rewards, Naviti can’t seem to enjoy theirs for even five minutes. Bradley and Donathan had ended the challenge on slightly bad terms, with Bradley yelling at Donathan about how he was moving, and Donathan mentioning in confessional that he felt disrespected. Despite Donathan getting a happy confessional back at camp, and everyone doing the much deserved celebrating, Bradley is impatient, and starts snapping at people to get a fire going. Everyone’s a bit shocked to be snapped out of their reverie, but see his point and get to work. Does Bradley stop there? Of course not! When Domenick tries to help build a platform for their grill, Bradley says it’s already done, eager for his steaks. Ok, even speaking as someone who’s not the most socially aware, how can you think this is ok? Hangry is one thing, but you’re actively taking people out of feeling good for getting your meal a couple of minutes sooner. The best that can be said for Bradley is that he at least realizes that he’s impatient and can come off as a dick (his words) at times, but does he ever do anything about it? Of course not! And this is why his exit later, while a poor move, will be satisfying.

The wheels are set in motion as pretty much everybody takes the time to complain about Bradley. This gives Donathan and Libby hope, since any name that’s not them is a good name to hear. It also helps keep Domenick and Chelsea’s options open, which is always a good thing. Privately, though, Domenick admits that he’s not sure getting rid of Bradley is a good idea just yet. Keep that thought in mind, Domenick. It shows you’re playing right.

Despite their lack of steak, Yanuya still finds time to celebrate. Any food is good food on “Survivor” (save perhaps fafaru from “Survivor Marquesas”), and kebabs are pretty high up there. Lest any member of Yanuya not see this as cause to celebrate, Wendell decides to give them one. It seems he has a girlfriend named Nicole (sorry, ladies, but it seems Wendell is taken), and today happens to be her birthday. I’m assuming he means that particular day on the island, since Wendell knowing in advance what day an episode would air would make him some sort of God, and while he’s good, he’s not THAT good. Still, they sing her “Happy Birthday”, and it’s a sweet moment.

Here, though, Wendell proves that he’s not just social game. Wisely waiting until everyone else is asleep, Wendell goes idol hunting himself. Like with Mike, I can’t really fault Wendell for doing this, but for different reasons. Unlike Mike, we’ve no indication that Wendell is on the bottom of his tribe. He and Chris have made up, and should Wendell not want Chris around, well, who do you think Jenna and Laurel would like to target? Yeah, I see no way Wendell leaves on this tribe. However, having an idol is still not inherently a bad thing (I’d argue it’s also not inherently a good thing, as it can make you a target, but that’s a whole other blog in and of itself), and Wendell does two things here to make it ok. One, he waits until everyone is asleep, and thus he will not be missed. Secondly, Wendell waits until AFTER he’s established firm social bonds before going hunting, thus meaning he misses less. Put another way, the big negatives of hunting for the idol are the stigma it puts on you, and the loss of social bonding time. Wendell has eliminated the first problem by being sneaky, and since he CLEARLY has no trouble bonding with people, the second issue is eliminated.

Knowing as all superfans do that hidden immunity idols can be found in suspicious looking trees, Wendell of course beelines for a tree wrapped in a bunch of vines. He does find a note, but it seems that Wendell will have to put in a bit more work than some other people in order to get an idol. He finds a map to an idol, that he Buffy-speak describes as sucking, but eventually manages to dig up what he was looking for. Further confusing the idea of “Ghost Island” evolution, it seems that the Micronesia individual immunity idol (ie, the one Erik gave to Natalie) has now evolved into a hidden immunity idol. Ok, has the definition of the word “hidden” changed? James’ idol was bad enough, but I have no idea how you sneak something as big as an immunity necklace anywhere. Really, this whole thing was done just to add another tally to the “Humiliate Erik Reichenbach” counter, wasn’t it. There’s a drinking game for you: Take a drink every time that clip of Erik giving up immunity is played. Still, good for Wendell, finding an idol.

Malolo, as you might expect, is a bit down in the dumps due to losing so much. Desi states that Malolo is possibly the losingest tribe in “Survivor” history. This is how you separate the casuals from the superfans. Desi, I won’t deny that Malolo’s in a bad situation, but you are nowhere NEAR the losingest tribe ever. We at least get some entertainment value out of it, though. Buying into the “curse” idea, Desi gets Mike and Angela to help her burn the Malolo flag, hopefully ending the curse. While nonsensical, it is kind of fun to see people take the theme idea and run with it in their own quirky ways, which is what happens here. What I don’t get, though, is why Malolo cut the ropes to their flag. Untying knots is a thing, guys, and even if you hate the flag, you could still use the rope for something. I doubt the rope is cursed.

Today’s immunity challenge today is a sucky as the reward challenge was great. Not content with doing repeats from previous seasons, now we’re getting repeat challenges from the SAME season. Seriously, this is just “Octopus’ Garden” again, aka “That challenge where James sucked and Donathan was awesome” from the first episode. Sure, they’re not EXACTLY the same, but the idea is the same. Run out, retrieve objects to be thrown, and throw said objects onto a target to win immunity. Siting out balls and a basket for hoops and rungs does not a new challenge make.

To be fair, though, this challenge at least has some mystery. Granted, I doubt Yanuya loses, since we’ve seen no strategy from them, and physical challenges like this work in their favor, but the other two are a toss-up. Both have had a bit of “strategy” talk (I’m counting Mike’s idol hunt as strategy, since it would have a significant impact on the outcome of the episode), and seem at least somewhat likely to lose. Plus, the producers remembered to show us all preview scenes BEFORE the challenge. Sure enough, Yanuya gets an early lead, and to satisfy the storyline, Malolo’s flag burning helps them scrape out a narrow victory. For all my kvetching, this is actually a pretty fun outcome. Nice job, guys.

Giving Bradley some credit, he DOES seem to make an attempt to be more social following the immunity challenge. He makes the decision of who to go for a conversation between himself, Donathan, and Domenick. I guess Chelsea doesn’t rate even in bland strategy conversations. Of course, one good moment does not undo the bad. Domenick and Chelsea are still upset at how Bradley’s been acting, and seriously consider ousting him. Definitely a tempting option, but Domenick in particular still has to consider whether it’s too soon. And as mentioned before the answer is YES! YES IT IS TOO SOON! Look, I’m not saying Bradley is easy to live with. I get the temptation, particularly given how huge the majority of the original Naviti currently is. But the fact is, despite the majority, original Naviti is fractured, largely due to the Chris/Domenick feud. Thus, both sides need all the allies they can get, and for Domenick in particular, Bradley has seemed nothing but an ally. Libby? The one time you tried to work with her, she burned you bad. Plus, you’re much more of a threat than Libby, thus meaning that, in the event of a merge, you’re likely to go before her. Granted, you’re probably more of a threat than Bradley as well, but Bradley’s annoyance at least makes a good screen to your own annoyance, and might make him a target before you as a result. Or, you know, take him to the end and watch him get zero votes. Either way works. While Chelsea doesn’t have as many of these points, being a bit player in the Chris/Domenick feud at best, the fact remains that the split affects her, and so she needs to be careful here as well.

Tribal Council does have a good bit of mystery about it. The smart move says Libby will go, but the editing says probably Bradley, the talk, while generic, well balances original tribe loyalty with needing to placate new allies, and the epic vote out music is just epic. Who will the epicness curse?

Turns out it’s Bradley, who does not go quietly into the night. It’s not a rant, but you can tell he’s pissed, muttering sarcastically into the darkness. You already know what I think strategically of this, but what about as a viewer? Yeah, still not happy. Granted, Bradley got what he deserved, and I wasn’t going to be too cut up about either his or Libby’s exits, but in terms of viewership? I think Libby has untapped potential, as I mentioned after the first tribe swap, but apart from that, she hasn’t really brought anything to the table. For all his annoyances, Bradley at least brought out frustration in other people, meaning he was more invested as a part of this season, and thus better for us viewers. Not sure I’d ever want to see him on the show again, but I’m glad he brought us what he brought us.

On the plus side, another great episode. Perhaps a bit advantage-heavy, but fun nonetheless and we got to see more dynamics develop. Plus, with the impending merge, we may FINALLY conclude the Chris/Domenick feud and move onto other storylines. On the minus side, this swap didn’t feel like it really had the chance to develop, and that’s a shame. Sure, with the legacy advantage in play, the merge probably HAD to happen at 13, but it still feels too soon. Not enough to detract from this already good season, but something. That said, I’ve been proven wrong many a time this season, so perhaps the merge will increase the awesomeness!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.