Idol Speculation: “Survivor Island of the Idols” Episode 1: Charmin Ultra

Come on in, guys! Welcome back to “Idol Speculation”, my knee-jerk opinion that everyone is entitled to! Though, really, I can’t claim it’s only my opinion anymore. As you can probably tell from the title, this blog now has corporate sponsorship, so I’m beholden to the whims of my corporate overlords. Don’t worry, though, I’m taking it in stride. First off, I’m only taking sponsor who also sponsor “Survivor” to stay on brand. Second, I’m throwing myself whole-hog into this thing. I’ve converted the bathroom in my house into the “Casa de Charmin”, and, in keeping with the theme of this season, I’ve even invited back two previous players to advise on the blog. So, as I uncork this bottle of delicious pineapple sake, give a warm welcome to… What the?! WHO DRANK ALL MY SAKE WITHOUT ME? BOBDAWG! Oh, you are SO NOT a gentleman.

In all seriousness, you might be wondering why I titled my blog after a brand of toilet paper. Well, for those who don’t waste their brainspace on commercial slogans may remember that the “Charmin Ultra” brand of toilet paper used to have the tagline “Less is more”, which I think is a fitting title for this episode? How you may ask? Well, we start to see that right at the beginning of the episode, where we’re greeted, not by our usual vehicle extravaganza over epic Probst narration, but by Rob and Sandra walking up the beach, and giving us a narration instead. What spore of madness is this? Truth be told, though, I think this opening is a feather in Probst’s cap overall. Look, I will give the guy a lot of flak, especially for a lot of his decisions as executive producer on the show, but it must equally be said that he is the perfect host for the show, and no one can do what he does. Probst deserves every bit of praise and every bit of ego he develops for his hosting prowess. So, for him to put that aside and minimize his involvement in the opening? That, I think, speaks volumes about his overall character. I may not like how he refuses to let go of bad ideas, but give the man credit where it’s due: He is willing to take the spotlight off himself for a bit.

Having delved too deep into uncharted waters, the show makes up for it with shots of a helicopter and boats. Some traditions die hard, I guess. At least we don’t have to sit through another supply looting for the umpteenth time. Honestly, though, the only thing that I can complain about with this opening is how much it shows Probst’s favoritism for Boston Rob. When he talks about how Boston Rob and Sandra have won and lost, it shows Boston Rob’s one win out of four, and Sandra’s one loss out of three, despite Sandra having objectively a better track record than Rob. Cheap, Probst. Don’t do the queen like that.

Our new players are, of course, weirded out by the lack of Probst, but are still overall more excited about the game than anything. Karishma in particular talks about the need to contain her excitement when she hits the beach. Then, naturally, the very next shot is of her squeeing in delight and hugging everyone. I can’t give her too much flak since other people are doing it too, but a funny little moment, nonetheless.

In case anyone doubted Chelsea’s credentials as a superfan, she proves them wrong by voicing the complaints of fans everywhere: Too many twists. You see, Chelsea notices that this season is called “Island of the Idols”. Naturally, she comes to the conclusion that there will be idols everywhere, and talks about how “Survivor” is twist heavy as it is. Yep, there go her “fan favorite” numbers rising astronomically. Thankfully, Chelsea proves herself to be smarter than a lot of the superfine of late, and spends her time helping to build shelter and bond with her tribe, rather than look for an idol.

In fact, bonding is most of what’s going on with Lairo. Tom talking about his history in hockey. Karishma and Vince bonding over their status as people of color representing a new group on “Survivor” (Indian and Hmong, respectively). Hell, we even get a really touching scene where Missy talks about the horrors of having a severe brain tumor, and her struggle to overcome it. My God, I didn’t know this is what was missing, but apparently it is! We’re actually taking our time to bond with these players as individuals, rather than as strategists! Careful, CBS, or we just might get to caring about this cast!

Of course, this being “Survivor”, such love cannot last forever. Inevitably some people must be singled out, if only so that everyone else can avoid the stigma of being the “first boot”. Warning signs come up when Tom, Elaine, and Vince go off and have a chat about how bonded they are, agreeing to stick together and keep an ear out for each other. Not a bad deal for any of them (I always say that early on, a “keep an ear out” deal is best, as it builds a bond, but not so strong that there would be too many hurt feelings at a betrayal), but it seems that even if character is better this season, counting ability still eludes them. Tom, Elaine, and Vince only make three, and on a seven-person tribe, that’s not exactly good odds. Sure enough, the other seven notice, and agree to stick together. You can’t fault the seven for this, and they’re not even mean, like calling Elaine “weird” or anything like that. Those three just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and now they’re on the outs. It’s sad, but that’s the way of “Survivor”. What will be fascinating is to see how these three can wiggle out of trouble, if at all.

Checking in with Vokai, our purple tribe, we see that they’re in a bit of a similar mind to Lairo, trying to work together initially, rather than look out for themselves. We sadly don’t see as much personal stuff from them, mostly just introductions led by Lauren, then down to the shelter building. Really, the only one to get any sort of character so far is Janet. Determined not to be the “mom” stereotype, she sets out to prover herself and her worth by making fire. Not one to do things by half-measures, she even plans to do it with the “rub sticks together” method, notoriously the hardest way to make fire on “Survivor”. And damn if she doesn’t succeed! Even leaving gender out of it, this is an impressive feat. Making fire using your glasses is one thing, but this method is hard to do even for experienced outdoors people. This proves both that Janet knows what she’s doing and is not here to mess around. That said, while it’s definitely an impressive feat, and earns her a lot of respect in my book, I’m not sure how good it does at proving her worth or avoiding the “Mom” stereotype Janet’s trying to play against. We hear Tommy refer to her as “Mom” in spite of this, and frankly, I’m not sure fire-making ability spares you much beyond the first three days. Don’t get me wrong, having fire is better than not having fire, but once you get the flint, it becomes a lot easier to do, and the ability to make fire from sticks obsolete (barring, of course, that you’re the Hunahpu tribe from “Survivor San Juan del Sur”, but Vokai seems more competent than that). Janet’s definitely sticking around past the first vote, but beyond that, I think she’s still got her work cut out for her.

Man, these tribes are just too nice! They gel with each other a little too well! If only we had a cliche reason to drive a wedge between the people of Vokai! Enter Jason. Man, it must just be the fate of everyone first named Jason on “Survivor” to be an idiot (no, Kyle Jason from “Survivor Kaoh Rong” doesn’t count. Jason is his last name). On a tribe where everyone is happy and getting along, dude just can’t resist going idol hunting. Sure enough, people take notice, and now, guess who’s on the chopping block? Yep, you can be a young, strong guy, but if you separate yourself from the group so blatantly so early, you can’t expect a long shelf life in the game.

Back on Lairo, we get to see that tripe dynamics are a bit more complicated than your basic 7-3 split. Missy is all about that girl power, particularly as women are on a bit of a streak of being first boots (technically the most recent male first boot would be Pat Cusack on “Survivor David vs. Goliath”, but he wasn’t “voted off”. Going by that definition, the last man to be first boot would be Darnell Hamilton on “Survivor Kaoh Rong”, a good three years ago), and so bonds the women together. In particular, she lets Elaine know that her name’s been brought up, along with Vince and Tom. Elaine is concerned, particularly since she’s an older woman, a demographic that is historically an easy early target.

Elaine decides to turn her fortunes around the old-fashioned way: social charm. Elaine, it cannot be understated, is damn funny. I’m not even there, and I crack up whenever she’s on screen. Her tribe does so as well, and it’s not only good gameplay, but helps with that bonding I was talking about earlier that so many recent casts seem to have lacked.

Such bonding does not go unnoticed. Ronnie is the one to bring it up to the viewer, and since he’s a professional poker player, he naturally must tie this in to being a professional poker player. Ok, I think lawyers are probably the profession that least tie in to “Survivor” that claim to be good training for the show, but if I’m giving an award to most insufferable occupation on “Survivor”, I think the pro poker players have taken it. Jean Robert (“Survivor China”). Garrett Adelstein (“Survivor Cagayan”). Ok, Anna Khait (“Survivor Kaoh Rong”) wasn’t too bad on the show, but seeing her after the show has kind of soured me on her. And now Ronnie. Every single one of them, just insufferable, and won’t stop talking about how “prepared” they are for the game, when they actually suck worse than Chet Welch in that challenge where he was tied to Joel in “Survivor Micronesia” (again, with Anna being a possible exception, and even she’s kind of borderline). I’m legitimately curious, can someone find me an example of someone who’s occupation was “Professional poker player” on the show who wasn’t insufferable? Bear in mind, it has to be someone who had that LISTED as their occupation. Someone like Boston Rob (“Survivor Marquesas”) who played professionally but never had it in their chyron doesn’t count.

Getting back to the actual gameplay, Ronnie notices that Elaine is making everyone feel nice, and getting in their good graces. Ronnie doesn’t want this. You see, Ronnie has figured that Elaine is tough to beat at the Final Tribal Council, and so wants to make sure she’s gone. All that I can follow and agree with. Ronnie’s issue is that he’s not NEARLY as subtle as he thinks he is. He offers to Elaine that he’ll keep her safe, merely so that she’ll be lulled into a false sense of security for a blindside. Elaine, of course, sees right through it, especially since Missy had mentioned it before. Now, Ronnie is her number one target, though even with the women’s alliance, I still have a tough time seeing how Elaine gets the numbers for this.

Moving back to Vokai, we get some insight into the individual strategies of our players. Jack, being the youngest, is playing up his fun-loving side, bonding with Molly in particular via the unorthodox method of using a giant clam as a squirt gun. Still, with a tribe overall as warm as this, the strategy seems to be working. Tommy has a similar plan, being everyone’s friend. Again, with a tribe as warm as this, it seems to be working. After all, everyone loves their 4th grade teacher, even me. So, it makes a good conversation opener, and connects quickly with all the other players. Naturally, our two most social players are drawn together, and Tommy and Jack quickly form an alliance. Of course, two out of ten is not enough for a majority, but thankfully for a teach, Tommy is not bad at math. He and Jack quickly gather together a majority of six, now including Dan, Molly, Lauren, and Janet, with talk of adding in Jamal as a seventh. Their target? Naturally, it’s the guy who’s been out hunting for idols instead of bonding with the rest of the group, Jason. Dan even comments that it seems like everyone wants Jason out.

This, in turn, is the cue for someone to make a dumb move, and rock the boat this early. Noura, it seems, can’t stand a smooth ride, and so warns Jason about his name being thrown around. Ever the brain trust, Jason is shocked that people could consider booting him this early. Dumb to be sure, but really, my ire here is for Noura. Look, I get what she’s trying to do: Save the potential early boot, and gain a loyal ally in the process. But here’s the thing: It’s too early. At this point in the game, the smallest difference, the tiniest quarrel is enough to get you booted. You’ve already got an obvious boot coming up. Don’t rock the boat if it isn’t your name out there. Now, some might argue that there’s a precent for this being a good move. After all, in the short term it worked out pretty well for Brian Corridan on “Survivor Guatemala” with Lydia. The difference here, though, is that that was a close-run thing between Lydia and Morgan. Neither one of them was a clear choice over the other, so Brian wasn’t putting himself in the minority by advocating one over the other. Instead, I think the better lesson here should be taken from “Survivor Gabon”, and the case of Ken Hoang. People tend to forget that Ken’s initial partner was not Crystal Cox, but rather Michelle Chase. They tend to forget about it because Michelle was the first boot, but yes, Ken was infatuated with her, and wanted to work with her. But, when he saw the way the wind was blowing, he was willing to cut her loose. My point here is that, in the early days of the game, you can recover from not getting your ideal outcome. Better to go with the flow, and save your social capital for later.

But now we’ve had two scenes of Vokai with only one target! Surely someone else is rubbing people the wrong way? For once, I mean that literally. Dan, as it turns out, is a bit of a touchy-feely guy. This is always a hard thing for men to pull off without seeming like a creep, and given Dan’s age, he just can’t do it. Kellee in particular is upset about this, pointing out that she just doesn’t like being touched, finding other people’s germs “gross”. Fair enough, and I can definitely understand the “using legs as pillow” thing to be weird, though I think the massage part might be a slight overreaction. Still, Kellee is entitled to her feelings on the matter, and entitled to express those feelings. She expresses them to Molly, who has similar feelings. The pair express them to Janet, and then express them to… Dan, where they have a mature conversation about their differences, and while they go away wary of each other, tensions seem to have cooled for now.

What, you thought just because there was tension that there’s going to be drama? Adults talking and acting like adults is a rare thing that I personally love to see. Are you not entertained?

Up until this point, this episode had been well above average. We’re connecting with the cast, getting some new situations for the show, and while I do miss Probst, his relative absence so far does make things memorable. Sadly, it’s at the immunity challenge where things begin to go downhill. Probst’s banter with the tribes before the challenge is nice, but the challenge itself is really lackluster for the first immunity challenge. True, the tribes do stick together for the majority of it, which I like, but really, it’s just a generic obstacle course with nothing original to make it memorable. I wouldn’t complain too much, since it’s a solid challenge overall, but this is the FIRST CHALLENGE OF THE SEASON! It should be memorable! Epic! A real “Welcome to the Game”. This challenge seems to say “Yeah, welcome to the show, I guess…”

But the real kicker here is the reveal of the immunity idol for the season. Hoo boy, the art department’s really working for their pay this season, aren’t they? “Hey boss, we gotta make an immunity idol, what should we do?” “Eh, just glue some Easter Island heads to a bunch of bamboo, no one will care!”

Really, though, all this could be forgiven if we had any sort of tension in the challenge, but the fact is we don’t. There is a bit of back and forth between the tribes, but the fact is that Lairo just seems far more likely to lose than Vokai, based on what we’ve seen of them. Both tribes have a token effort at presenting multiple targets, but given how the Kellee/Dan disagreement kind of dissolved, Jason really seems like the only viable option for Vokai. Lairo, by contrast, has viable narratives for either Elaine or Ronnie going home, and even Vince and Tom have something of a chance. Thus, it’s no surprise when they fall behind on the puzzle.

As a final negative note, I have to say that I found Probst’s narration particularly over-the-top this time. I’m normally a fan of it, but he just seemed to be trying WAY too hard to get us to believe there was tension here, and exaggerated the states of the tribes to a large degree. No, Probst, this loss was not a “blowout”. It wasn’t neck and neck, but this was nowhere near, say, Fang’s performance in the first challenge of “Survivor Gabon”.

Vokai goes home with immunity and flint, but Lairo does not get to leave empty handed. It seems that someone must go to the “Island of the Idols”. Fair enough, but it feels like the producers do everything possible to suck all the tension out of this. There’s not dealing with tribe dynamics as to voting who should go, there’s not even the possibility of someone missing the first Tribal Council and upending an alliance to keep us intrigued. Now, if we the audience had no idea what the “Island of the Idols” was, this alone would be enough to keep our interest. But the trouble is we do know. You told us what it was in the damn season preview. If you want us to be interested, you need something more.

Elizabeth is selected to go by random draw, and she’s not a bad first choice. She’s a big enough fan to get a good reaction, and gives us some good awe at seeing the place for the first time. Though, again, I think it goes on a bit too long. We get a solid 30 seconds of Elizabeth being in shock, when 10 at the most would have been sufficient.

But, of course, this brings us to Boston Rob and Sandra. According to all the previews, they’re the main draw of the season. And, for all my complaints, they’re pretty good here. True, they are taking time away from the new players, and I question how much they’ll take up of a regular length-episode, but the fact that we haven’t seen them until now is encouraging. I also like the detail of how they’re wearing the buffs from the season they won. Nice touch. They recite a pledge basically to make sure no one has a heart attack at the thought of playing against them, and we get down to business.

What with how early it is in the game, and how little Elizabeth wants to give away tribe dynamics, there’s not much to be taught but fire making. Cool, you mean someone else is going to learn the trick to the “rub two sticks together” method? No, no, he just means flint. Look, the “rub two sticks together” method, I get why people don’t practice. You don’t have the same materials as on the island, and it’s tricky to learn even under ideal circumstances. But you’re telling me people STILL go to the island not knowing how to make fire with flint? Apparently so, as Elizabeth gets a crash course from Rob, who makes it in about 2 seconds, and gets some practice with Sandra. Then, of course, we have to have our “challenge”. Rob tells Elizabeth that if she can beat him in a fire-making race, she’ll earn an idol good for two Tribal Councils. If she loses, however, she loses her vote for this Tribal Council. The show leaves a cliffhanger here, and so will I. I’ll discuss my thoughts on what Elizabeth should do, and how it plays out, when we come back to her.

For now, we check in with Lairo, and it’s really not looking good for Elaine. Ronnie is still on the warpath against her, with Aaron backing him up. Elaine is well-liked, but she’s not a major challenge asset, and given how early it is, people may not want to rock the boat for her. Elaine, being a bit direct, confronts the problem (Ronnie) head-on, talking about how she’ll vote for anyone, channeling Sandra (ironic given that she’s wearing a Red Sox hat), and how there’s no threat to her now. She claims that people can vote her out whenever. Not a bad argument. The flaw in that argument, however, is the precedent that is Sandra. We’ve SEEN that if you “put a pin in someone” they ride that pin to the end. That, Elaine, is why you are dangerous. Elaine puts to the women her idea of going against Ronnie, but the women are hesitant, again not wanting to rock the boat this early in the game.

Concluding Elizabeth’s story, she decides to go for the challenge against Boston Rob, citing her competitive spirit. Understandable, but clearly the wrong decision. You really want to get in a fire-making race against a guy who’s played the game four times, and pretty much made fire by glaring at a bundle of twigs? Naturally, this goes about as well as you’d expect, and Elizabeth loses horribly. She is rightly chastised for this, though I think Boston Rob and Sandra go too far. They’re right to point out that Elizabeth had basically no shot at winning this, and should have thought about it more, but I don’t think you can fault her for not holding out for a better deal that she couldn’t have known about, and you two did, you know, EGG HER ON, pointing out how little her vote matters out of ten, and encouraging her to take risks. Yeah, it was still a dumb move, but don’t go mocking someone for using drugs you yourself dealt them. Somewhat alleviating the “random draw” aspect is that Elizabeth picks a random name (which we don’t see) from Vokai to go to Island of the Idols next, and while I still hate it just being random, I do like that it prevents one tribe from steamrolling the other, and thereby monopolizing the island. Elizabeth leaves to make up for lost time, and for all my snark, I do like this use of Boston Rob and Sandra. They add a bit of color and some interesting dynamics in terms of earning idols. Sure would be a shame if the pair came back and ruined what should be a moment purely for this cast!

Back at camp, Elizabeth needs to get her lying chops on, something she admits she’s not too comfortable with, but does so anyway. She does a good job for what she does, though I think some of it was unnecessary. I wouldn’t mention the competition with Boston Rob, since that will only make people suspicious you have an advantage, and I DEFINITELY wouldn’t mention losing your vote, since that will only make people disinclined to talk strategy to you, but the lie about the three urns? That just seems unnecessary, and likely to backfire. Elizabeth will most likely end up on a tribe with someone else who went to the island at some point, who will then know that she lied. Not a good look for her. I don’t get why she didn’t just say that she went, saw Boston Rob and Sandra, and they chatted about the game. Telling the technical truth, and harder to be found out about. If someone who goes later asks about your challenge, say you weren’t offered one, because it was so early. Certainly don’t tell the whole truth, but I suspect Elizabeth’s lie will come back to bite her down the line.

That said, her contributions to the discussion, though good, don’t matter much, and we head off to Generic Tribal Council Design #5: Huts on Stilts! Yeah, the stay in Fiji is REALLY starting to show from a creative perspective. There’s just only so many facets to a culture you can center your season around that they become so generic as to be pointless. To give the art department their due, both the pen and the snuffer this season are pretty cool, but I still give the look of this season overall a “thumbs-down.”

As our new players begin lighting their torches, we the audience are shown that Boston Rob and Sandra are climbing up to their own private viewing box to watch the proceedings. There’s two reasons I don’t like this: One from a strategic perspective, and one from a viewing perspective. Strategy-wise, I don’t like that Boston Rob and Sandra have so much information about the going-on of the tribes. One of the things I found most intriguing about the premise of this season was the dilemma each new contestant who meets Rob and Sandra has. You can tell them in detail about your plans and alliances, thereby getting great advice, but also risk that information being spilled to future players who come to the island. Conversely, you could keep that information to yourself, but then the time on the island is largely a waste. It’s an intriguing dilemma that could bring out new facets to the game. By bringing in Rob and Sandra to Tribal Council, you take away that option, and just make them another gimmick. Which is what they are, by and large, but you don’t have to emphasize it. As for the audience perspective, while I’m fine with having Rob and Sandra on the season as a draw, the emphasis should be on the cast (especially since we seem to have a particularly good cast this time around), not on the returnees. Tribal Council in particular is a time to focus on the tribe. This is where our new contestants should really be able to shine. By bringing in Rob and Sandra, you steal away that focus, and thus make it harder to connect with the cast. If this cast had the strength of, say, the cast of “Survivor Edge of Extinction”, I’m not sure the season could survive.

Naturally, most of the talk centers around Elaine being on the outs. As you might expect, Elaine does not go quietly. She brings up her “pin” argument again, but also pulls at the heartstrings, bringing up how emotionless this all seems. The cast, as a whole, is moved. Even Ronnie and Aaron admit that it’s hard to vote someone out when they pull at your heartstrings like that. This, at the core, is what’s great about “Survivor”: The conflict between heart and head. Between logic and feeling. It is this conflict that has kept the show interesting for so long, and has kept psychologists and sociologists talking for decades. There are no easy answers. What do our veterans have to say about this?

Boston Rob: Sandra, would you have any trouble voting her off.

Sandra: Hell no.

Such paragons of virtue, our returnees.

As we head to the vote, I’m doubting that Elaine’s plea will help. There’s good arguments to be made for either Ronnie or Vince going home, but Elaine’s sheer amount of screentime, and how much we’ve gotten to know her, spell her doom. Makes for a predictable Tribal Council, but you know what, I don’t care! They brought back that awesome Tribal Council music track they for some reason only used on “Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers”, and I am thrilled. True, they added new lyrics to it, but who cares? The music’s still awesome!

In case you’re wondering, show, THIS is how you do a vote that blindsides the audience but still feels satisfying. Yes, Elaine was the clear favorite to leave, but we understand clearly how and why things went for Ronnie. Well, maybe not the “how”, as there’s no clear alliance of 8 against Ronnie and Aaron, but my guess is that Ronnie and Aaron weren’t going to be swayed off of Elaine (despite ultimately voting for Vince), so the women decided the only way to save her was to go for Elaine’s preferred target with Tom and Vince, and then Dean went along because he didn’t want to be left out. There’s excitement, there’s mystery, but it doesn’t come out of left field like some OTHER recent blindside votes I could mention.

As you might suspect from my earlier rant, I’m not particularly sorry to see Ronnie go. He somewhat annoyed me, and Elaine really entertained me, so I’m cool with this outcome. Whether or not it was smart is tough to say. Ronnie was better in challenges, but social cohesion is important to. I guess the best that I can say is that this may not have been the IDEAL move for the tribe, but it’s not a bad move in and of itself. If nothing else, it re-emphasizes the lesson that social cohesion is the most important factor on “Survivor”.

All in all this was a great episode, but it actually did better when it gave us less. Less Probst in the opening. Less domination of the actual “Island of the Idols”. Less time devoted to strategy in exchange for connecting with the cast. All great decisions that elevate this premiere to “above average”. It was only when the show gave us too much of something, like Probst narration or Rob and Sandra, that things went downhill. Still, even that doesn’t take away from the fact that this is a great cast that has fascinating stories on both sides, and a great hook for future episodes. If they learn their lessons from this episode, I foresee great things for this season.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Edge of Extinction” Episode 1: Oedipus Complex

Ja, ‘allo. Velcome back to ze blog about your seelly leetle island game show. Now zen, let us get straight to ze point: Tell me about your mazur. Vat’s dat? You wish to talk about ze aesthetics? Ze alliances? Ze returning players? No, no, no. Everything comes back to ze mazur. Zis is ze case in all cases. Ah, she eez ze nag, ja? As I thought. Hence your desire to keel her, ja? Vat’s dat? You wish to, how you say, “vote zer off?” Zis makes no difference. Death, castration with ze phallic symbol, eet ees all ze same thing.

Hoo boy, it’s time like these when I wish I did vlogs rather than blogs. Accents are hard to remember to keep consistent, and even harder to convey in writing. Still, I need to do SOMETHING with that Psych. Degree. And so, I welcome you back to “Idol Speculation”, my knee-jerk opinion that everyone is entitled to. With a one-hour premiere, I’m able to blog as needed, so let us get started.

Our Probst narration is nothing special, as is the vehicle porn, though admittedly CBS just couldn’t resist giving us TWO boats instead of one. Somebody hold me, I may faint from excitement.

We get our requisite commentary from the new players, though even with the premiere being only an hour, they seem like an afterthought. We only hear from three people, and all on the same tribe I might add, and of those, one third of them were just talking about how awesome the returnees were. Hence, we spend most of our time extolling the virtues of these returnees, and how great they are. And yeah, as I talked about in my cast assessment, they’re good people to bring back. Just wish they didn’t overshadow the new players so much. That said, I wouldn’t trade David’s asking Jeff not to highlight his early weakness on “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X” for anything

Since this season wants to do nothing original beyond the whole “Edge of Extinction” thing, we of course must start off with a scramble for supplies on said boat. A bit of fun chaos to start off a season; just wish it wasn’t so overdone at this point. But of course, a scramble for supplies means the presence of a “Secret” Advantage. Really, though, at this point it should just be called “Advantage #572”, since it can’t really be “Secret” if EVERYONE EXPECTS IT TO BE THERE! Our big winner this time around is Ron. Good for him. We’ll get more into his advantage later.

Subtlety? Pah! That’s for seasons NOT completely dictated by what Probst wants! Not ONLY will we make it clear that the Kama Tribe (the one with Joe and Aubry) are the clear winners in terms of the scavenge, but we’re going to take time out to highlight in great detail Keith’s mediocre attempts at “swimming”! Guess which tribe will be the royally screwed tribe this season?

In all seriousness, I have a big bone to pick in particular with the highlighting of Keith, and not just because it’s another sign that the Manu tribe is doomed. No, while I didn’t highlight the Probst narration much, he did talk about the idea of “Edge of Extinction”. This, of course, meant showing footage of someone walking along the beach of the island bootees are sent to, which happened to be a young black man. Now, when I first saw this, I figured this was just a member of the dream team (the people production keeps on hand to test challenges) they drafted to shoot this scene, and I proved to be correct. However, with the highlight of Keith’s failure, I was convinced throughout the majority of the episode that the show had given away the first boot just to screw with us. If so, I would have been pissed. That’s just too demeaning, too insulting for me to take. Thankfully it didn’t happen. You escape my wrath, show. For now.

Since there’s nowhere else particularly good to put it, I’ll mention here that I really like the design of the tribe “Flags” this season. Instead of being pieces of canvas, as has been the norm, these are painted on bits of flotsam, and hung that way. It’s a unique touch to the season that fits with the aesthetic and gives it character. Too bad this is one of the best things I can say about this episode, but good points should be acknowledged nonetheless.

Heading off to our camps, we first check in with Manu. After establishing that yes, Rick is really excited to be here, we put the focus where the show tells us it’s SUPPOSED to be, the returnees. David is up first, being asked for advice on shelter-building. He seems shocked by this, and frankly I don’t blame him. Little experience is better than no experience, I suppose, but remember, the “survival” aspect of “Survivor” is not where David’s strengths lie. He’s a major social and strategic player, but shelter-building? Let us not forget the struggle this guy had to break kindling for firewood. Put it this way: If he were in a stick-breaking contest against Stephen Fishbach (“Survivor Tocantins”), my money’s going on Stephen to win that one.

Kelley, meanwhile, is here to give us our strategic confessional for the tribe. Kelley, if you’ll recall, played from the bottom both times she’s been on the show. Yes, she was technically in the majority on the original Hunahpu tribe on “Survivor San Juan del Sur”, but if no one remembers you on that tribe, it doesn’t count. In any case, like someone who’s only played from the bottom, Kelley is bound and determined not to have this happen again. Hence, she sets out to create bonds with the new players, wisely starting with Lauren, the lady who seemed to orgasm at the presence of the great Kelley Wentworth on her season. Good choice, Kelley, good choice. Now, I’ll be saving my thoughts on the returnee strategy for the end of the episode, since it’s one of the more fascinating things to come out of the episode, but suffice to say, I think that Kelley’s strategy shakes out to be the correct one, at least for now.

Deciding that MAYBE if they want this season to be a success, they should let us bond with the new players, and not just the old, CBS deigns to give us some scenes of the newbies. Specifically, we get a scene of Wendy, Reem, and Rick weaving palm fronds together. Wendy makes kind of a funny noise during it, leading Reem to wonder what’s going on. Here, Wendy reveals that she has Tourette’s (there’s some disagreement on whether the proper term is “Tourette’s” or “Tourette’s Syndrome”, but since Wendy refers to it as the former, and it’s easier to type, I’ll be sticking with that), and talks about it in an open and honest way. Wow. I’m proud of both Wendy for being willing to talk about it like that, and the show for not hyping it into oblivion. Like the whole “Zeke is transgender” thing on “Survivor Game Changers”, I’m glad the show didn’t use it as a cheap marketing gimmick, but instead showed us naturally how that conversation came about, and let us in on the real, serious discussion the contestants have regarding it. This is the first time I really connected with this cast, outside of the returnees. How nice of them to do this A QUARTER OF THE WAY THROUGH THE EPISODE!

Enough with Manu, let’s check in at Kama. What’s that? Joey Amazing is doing his Joey Amazing thing, building a kick-ass shelter and starting a fire with a couple of sticks? I never would have guessed! We do first attempt to develop a bond with Victoria, talking about her superfan status and asking for a Buff for Christmas. This might have worked, but we spend all of about five seconds before we cut over to Joey Amazing being Joey Amazing. True, Joey Amazing says he’s trying to dial back the whole “Joey Amazing” thing, but frankly, I say that ship has sailed. That’s not the sort of thing you can put back in the box once it’s out there. Maybe on “Survivor Worlds Apart” he could have pulled that off, but frankly, no one would buy it at this point. Better for Joe to lean into the mythos. Make himself indispensable to the tribe, and make it seem as though daring to go against him is certain challenge death.

Kama is willing to give us a little more with our newbies, but that’s mainly because of Ron’s “secret” advantage. For once, he has to work for it a little more than just being at the right part of the ship at the right time. He’s told to dig three feet from his tree mail, and naturally rushes off to do that, finally revealing what his “secret” advantage is.

You know, with all the criticism of “Survivor Ghost Island”, and a lot of said criticism about the oversaturation of twists, you’d think production would have cut back on them a little bit. Of course, if you think that, you’d reveal yourself to be a complete ignoramus when it comes to “Survivor”. Now we’re not just content to give people one advantage, we’re giving them THREE! At least, that’s what I worried about (or Ron getting an insider’s guide to all the upcoming twists of the season), but actually, Ron’s “Twist Menu” as it’s called is something I can get behind. Similar to Debbie Wanner on “Survivor Game Changers”, Ron gets to choose between three possible advantages: a tribal reward steal, an extra vote, or an immunity idol. The catch is that Ron must make his choice prior to the third Tribal Council of the season, which I like. Time limits help make twists feel less like they’re bogging down the season (as well as reduce the chances of “Advantagegeddon” happening again), and choice is often the bread and butter of a good episode of “Survivor”. Ron holds off making a choice for now, which is correct, since he’ll want more time to suss out where he stands in the tribe. As to which advantage he should take, for me it really depends. What’s not clarified is if Ron’s CHOICE only has to be made by the end of episode three, or if the advantage has to be used by the end of episode three. If it’s the latter, I say go for the reward steal. True, it seems the least useful out of the three, and does make you unnecessary enemies from the opposing team, but it’s also the one most likely to be useful. Remember, Kama has been set up as the successful tribe of the season. They’re probably not going to Tribal Council for a bit. If the twist itself expires then, Ron might need to just use it or lose it. If, however, the thing he picks lasts indefinitely, I would say go for the individual immunity idol. Both it and the extra vote give you more power in the game, but the idol is flashier, and useful in more situations. Plus, since we and the players both know the idol nullifier is on this season, an idol you have but no one sees you look for would be a Godsend.

Ron earns my respect for being one of the few people we see mess up a dig site so it looks like no one was there, though I do have to ask: Did no one comment on Ron’s pants when he got back? Those were pure white, and the dirt stains were fairly noticeable to me. Granted, most people would get a lot of dirt on their clothes on “Survivor”, but those pants seemed fairly clean when Ron left. I think people would have questions about how they got so dirty on a simple walk.

Following our commercial break, we rejoin Kama again, because hey, we haven’t heard enough from the returnees, let’s get Aubry in on the action! She stays around just long enough to comment that she’s laying low, due to the returnee target, but we soon see that that matters little. After some humor from Gavin about him using his potential winnings to invest in a fourth stoplight for his town, talk between him and Eric turns to strategy. Sure enough, it’s our “The returnees need to go.” confessional, ultimately settling on Aubry as the target for tonight. As Head of the Aubry Lobby, it pains me to say this, but I have to agree with Eric that it’s the smart move. As a returnee, Aubry is like Cirie Fields (“Survivor Exile Island”). As a viewer, she’s a lot of fun to watch, but as a player, you don’t want her around. Aubry is no challenge sink, but she doesn’t bring much to the tribe, except for social and strategic prowess that can only be used to destroy your chances at winning the game. Granted, she’s not quite to the level of Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) where it’s worth throwing a challenge just to get rid of her, as Eric jokingly suggests, but should you go to Tribal Council, she’s probably who you want to get rid of.

Cut over to Manu, who don’t want to be left out of the strategizing. Manu, however, focusses more on annoyances than on threats. Sadly, our annoying one this time around is Reem, who despite being a fun character, doesn’t come across well here. Despite trying to hide her motherhood, she’s very motherly, trying to keep people’s clothes dry by moving them around periodically. Unsurprisingly, this does not sit will with the adult members of the tribe. Only Keith, the 19-year-old self-proclaimed “Mama’s Boy”, seems ok with Reem, and tries to warn her about how she’s coming across. Reem takes this advice, and shoves it back in Keith’s face, flatly rejecting any sort of change in how she interacts with the tribe, though at least she doesn’t hold it against Keith. I have to admit, Keith has grown on me this episode. True, I can’t say he’s the best at a number of aspects of the game, but at least he’s got a wide-eyed idealism that makes him fun to watch, and dammit, he tries to correct his mistakes, and that gets a lot of points from me. Specifically, he tries to practice his swimming, taking Reem and Wendy out into the ocean to spot him and give him tips.

Aww, how nice! The new players we’ve bonded with the most this season are out working together and helping each other! It’d be a shame if they were targeted right off the bat!

Oh look! There’s Rick now talking about how the swimming threesome are on the outs! Look, I get why each of them are being targeted. There are legitimate reasons. Keith can’t swim well, Reem’s annoying and motherly, and Wendy can be a bit high-energy. All legitimate reasons to be voted off. It’s just that, as I say, these are the only INTERESTING people out there, apart from the returnees. These are the only people we care about. Them being on the outs just furthers the downward slope this season seems to be going on.

Our immunity challenge today is our bog-standard team obstacle course, though with a few things to recommend it. The crow’s nest is a nice touch that fits with the aesthetic of the season. As the slide has no water, it gets my seal of approval. And adding balance beams ON TOP of balance beams? Diabolical! Shame all of this is outweighed by the fact that so many parts of this challenge are individual. One person rings the bell. One person crosses the beam (though more can come later at least). One person in the crow’s nest. For a challenge that should really be about team unity, this one misses the mark greatly.

That said, there are a few good things to talk about here. Firstly, that immunity idol. I wasn’t a fan when I first saw it, but it’s grown on me. Weird to say, but I like the fact that it’s default position has it facing sideways relative to the tribes. We don’t see that often in immunity idols, and it makes for a nice touch. Second, though I was put off at first by the amount of open space in it, I kind of like the holes in this idol. Again, they help it stand out, but not seem too weird. More importantly, though, by giving us relatively equal strategizing from both tribes, there is a good mystery as to who goes home. Granted, I’d say Manu is favored to lose, both due to not having Joey Amazing on their team, and due to having more targets than Kama (Reem, Keith, and to a lesser extent Wendy were all brought up, as opposed to just Aubry on Kama), but there’s some suspense here. Indeed, our tribes start out fairly even. But then, ooh the balance beam. The dreaded balance beam. If Chris Daugherty (“Survivor Vanuatu”) is watching, I’d say his PTSD just got triggered. One tribe does well on said balance beam, one tribe does not. Unsurprisingly, it is the tribe with Joey Amazing that does better. They go on to win the challenge, despite a decent fake-out on the puzzle, thus earning Kama fire as well as immunity.

Consensus quickly comes onto Reem as the boot, due to her being worse in challenges than Wendy. Of course, for all their quirks, Wendy, Keith, and Reem are not stupid. They realize their position, and set out to do something about it. They decide to try and break up the pair of Lauren and Kelley, since they seem too tight. Not a bad strategy, but with the Kelley-mania that seems endemic to Manu, putting that plan into motion is going to take poise. Finesse. A deft hand. Subtlety is key here.

Reem takes a page out of the playbook of Debbie Wanner circa “Survivor Kaoh Rong”, and starts strong-arming people into the plan, not even giving poor Rick time to answer that question. Safe to say that did not go well.

Keith certainly sees the writing on the wall, as he quite literally abandons Reem and Wendy to inform on their plans. I’d normally criticize Keith for abandoning the only people who seem willing to give him the time of day for an alliance where he’s seventh out at best, but then again, this is clearly a sinking ship, and Keith seems charming enough to weasel his way into a better position, given a couple of votes. Between this and the first challenge lacking any swimming component, I’d say Keith is off the hook for at least this Tribal Council.

Less safe is Wendy. Trying to feel her out to see how she is as an ally, Wardog decides to go spill the plan to oust Reem to see how she reacts to the plan. Wendy, naturally, wants to stay loyal to her friend, and pushes for the anti-Kelley plan. This in and of itself would not be the end of the world, but when Wardog gives increasingly blatant hints that Wendy should try to work with him, and Wendy just stays on her same track, it does not look good on her. Wardog now thinks he can’t work with her, and thus wants to target her even before Reem. An understandable strategy, and a Wendy exit would not be the end of the world for this tribe, but I say it would be the incorrect decision, and it’s precisely because Wendy is a more divisive element than Reem is. Both are relatively equal in annoyance level, but Wendy’s annoying traits are likely to stay annoying with time, where’s Reem’s mothering could decrease/be adjusted to with ease. This would make it seem like Reem is the better choice, but this early in the game, you want your alliance to cohere for the long haul. With Reem in the game, dissent is possible. With Wendy in the game, you have a common enemy, thus keeping things stable for you. Better to get out Reem in this round. Even so, this is an interesting debate, and leads to real tension going into Tribal Council.

Speaking of Tribal Council, it is GORGEOUS! They’ve done the whole “shipwreck” aesthetic before, but with the heavy Chinese influence, and the sheer amount of bits and baubles they have around, this Tribal Council just stands out in a good way. I particularly like that voting booth this time around. Granted, it’s a bit cramped, but I love that you have to go UP to get there, since you so rarely see that. The last instance I can think of where the voting booth was higher up than Tribal Council itself was on “Survivor Guatemala”, and pretty much anything that reminds me of that season gets my seal of approval. Hell, even the snuffer we’ll see later is great, having a unique “claw” design to it.

Good thing this Tribal Council is fun to look at, because all the tension gets sucked out of it INSTANTLY. There may have been other topics of conversation at this Tribal Council, but all we see is Reem, Reem, Reem. Rick brings up the divide pretty much instantly, with Reem in particular being singled out as on the outs. This sets Reem off to defend herself. Now, being the focus of Tribal Council is not a death sentence. After all, you could argue that Natalie Cole was the focus of the Goliath tribe’s first Tribal Council on “Survivor David vs. Goliath”, and she acquitted herself well. Sadly, Reem is no Natalie. She comes across as defensive, easily offended, and desperate to find any argument to cling to. Some make sense, like her “ageism” argument, but others, like the “targeting you is a compliment” directed a Kelley Wentworth just reek of desperation. With alternate target Wendy not even being mentioned, you can bet that Reem gets her torch snuffed this go-round. With the exception of Lauren, who was never really in danger of leaving anyway, any of the targets at this first boot would have been a loss. That said, I think Reem is the least loss of those targets. She brought a lot of personality to the table, but her unwillingness to change means she could have gotten old fast, and she was probably the smartest boot from a strategic perspective. Still, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t entertaining. Reem, you will be missed.

Fortunately for us, we get a bit more of Reem on our televisions for the foreseeable future. Rem comes upon the “Edge of Extinction” choice to some appropriately dramatic music. As one would hope, we see her consider her choice for about two seconds, before heading off to the “Edge of Extinction” torch in hand. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and Reem really sells the moment. Hell, even the arrival at the camp is quite dramatic, with Reem wandering around trying to assess her surroundings with no real clues to go on. A good way to introduce the twist, but I’m still not sold on it. Basically, while it’s cool to see someone try and figure out what’s going on with no guide, the minute someone goes to the “Edge of Extinction” when someone else is already there, that drama is gone. Maybe they’ll turn it around, but we’ll see.

This episode, it should be said, gets a lot of things right. In particular, a lot of the little aesthetic touches really sell the season. Too bad what it gets right is NOT the important stuff. The two major elements to help us bond with a season, an intriguing cast and good misdirection, are both missing from this episode. New cast members are passed over in favor of focussing on the returnees, and good misdirection gets squandered with obvious outcomes. Then, what few new cast members we DO bond with become the early targets. Look, the latter point is something out of the show’s control, but it’s another mark against the season as a whole. This episode is like someone writing out a romantic valentine, and spending all their time making sure the calligraphy on it is beautiful and perfect, yet only writing gibberish. It LOOKS nice, but there’s nothing of substance there, and there’s no reason to consider it beyond the initial look. This season NEEDED a strong start, and it really didn’t get it here. It can pick up, and I’ll have my fingers crossed, but the outlook is bleak at this point.

That said, I do want to end off by talking about one particularly interesting bit of strategy dichotomy amongst the returnees. The strategy of our returning players seems to evenly divide by tribe: David and Kelley on Manu own their celebrity status, and work openly to build alliances. Aubry and Joe and Kama, meanwhile, work to minimize their targets, keeping themselves on the down-low. So, which strategy is the correct one? Oddly, both. You see, the ideal strategy for a returnee varies depending on what type of tribe they’re on. If you’re on a tribe that’s likely to stick around and win challenges for a while, keeping your head down is the best move. It gives people time to get to know you as people, not celebrities, and eventually come around to how you may be helpful. Jonathan Penner most blatantly utilized this strategy on “Survivor Philippines”, but Mike Skupin also did so on the same season, and even Bobby Jon Drinkard on “Survivor Guatemala” to a degree. Conversely, if you’re on a disaster tribe, you need to take control, since returnees are big targets early. Stephanie LaGrossa on “Survivor Guatemala” is probably the best example of this, though one could argue that Russell Swan did a similar thing on “Survivor Philippines”. True, he didn’t last until the swap, but he avoided being first boot, which was something of an accomplishment for him. Time will tell which strategy wins out, though I fear Manu is being set up as such a disaster tribe that it won’t matter much. I predict Kama will steamroller this game, which would be a shame, as aside from Aubry, all the interesting people so far are on Manu.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor HvHvH” Episode 7: My Fair Coley

35 seasons into the show, one of the hardest challenges to be faced is how to keep things fresh and original. No matter how complex a character, no matter how intriguing a plotline, the fact is that if it hasn’t been done before, most likely something similar has been done before. Therefore, it’s very refreshing that this “Survivor” merge has actually managed to bring us something fresh and original, something to keep this old concept alive in it’s old age: Cole actually says something intelligent!

We’ve still got plenty of stupid to get through, though. After our “Previously On…” segment reminds us of the plotlines of every single tribe thus far, we start off at Yawa, where Cole informs us of the “Yawa strong” pact. Yes, I DID say that Cole said intelligent things tonight. Don’t worry, they come later. Not to say that “Yawa strong” isn’t a good plan for Cole, but is assumes that people on his tribe not named Jessica can stand his presence. This is not the case, showing just how out of touch he is. Ben and Lauren do a good job playing up that they’re with Cole, but Ben in particular privately admits that he can’t STAND Cole, and therefore isn’t fully on board. Soko does little but reaffirm that the threesome there are tight, so they will only get this sentence of a mention.

Things at Levu aren’t looking too good either. They may yet be the disaster switched tribe, as Ashley informs us that they’re basically down to eating sugar. Now, I’m not going to act like “Survivor” is a cushy game show. There’s nothing cushy about it, and starving certainly isn’t fun. With that said, I feel like Ashley is exaggerating just a little. Like I said, I’m sure they’re not in good shape, but this plotline came right out of nowhere. No confessionals in previous episodes talking about their food supply. No previous complaints of malnutrition. Devon is just suddenly barely able to walk (though in his defense, he did have very little body fat to begin with). Again, I could understand a normal level of starvation plot with little buildup, but Ashley makes it sound like the second coming of Hunahpu (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”) or Barramundi (“Survivor The Australian Outback”).

Fortunately for them, product placement is right around the corner. Probst announces the merge, which is purple this time! I am a fan of this, as it both is a change from the usual black, and marks the first time since the duo of “Survivor Caramoan” and “Survivor Blood vs. Water” that we’ve gone two consecutive seasons without a black merge buff. Thank God! There’s really no fake-out as to this not being a merge, but there IS a fake-out as to the merge feast. Probst teases a twist they’ve never done before, only to reveal the aforementioned product placement. Outback Steakhouse, a long-time sponsor of the show, is catering this particular merge feast. Evidently this is the cue for everyone in the cast to start gushing about Outback Steakhouse, which makes sense, as only starving people would be eager to eat at Outback Steakhouse. Joe extols the virtues of the Chocolate Lava Cake. Dr. Mike cheers at the thought of personalized steaks. Ben literally levitates upon hearing the word “Rib Eye”. Even those who AREN’T as enthused must gush when the food actually arrives. Not that Joe will be gushing for long, as he follows in the steps of Joe Del Campo (“Survivor Kaoh Rong”), and orders a lot of meat. Two whole steaks, to be precise, and I find it miraculous that the pair did not share the same fate. But back to the main point, that being the blatant product placement. I understand that it’s a necessary evil on the show a lot of the time, but my God, this is over the top for a product that’s OK at best. I mean, the only way they could have pushed the product harder is is they….

CRASH!

SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE: Did someone say “Outback Steakhouse”?

ME: Oh, for Christ’s sake…

SANDRA: You know where there’s Outback Steakhouse, there’s gonna be Sandra.

ME: NO! NO! I don’t CARE if you’re one of the most awesome players ever, you can’t be here! You’re not even on this season!

SANDRA: Well, how else am I supposed to remind everyone that the queen of schilling for Outback Steakhouse stays queen of schilling for Outback Steakhouse?

ME: I don’t know, but don’t do it in MY house! I just had that wall fixed, and we’ve got a cold front coming!

SANDRA: You know what? I’ma vote you out, and if I’m in that finals, you’ll STILL vote for me to win.

ME: Most likely, but first I need to get on the show, something I can’t do with you in here. Now, please sign my buff collection and beat it.

(SANDRA exits to find a Sharpie).

Well, now that my day has been made much better, let’s get back to blogging. There’s no idol clue hidden in a napkin this time around, but there is strategy talk. You’d think it’d be hard to do with everyone gathered around a relatively small table, but thankfully the conversation is loud enough that Chrissy and Ben are able to touch base. They don’t say too much, as Ben makes it clear that he’s not comfortable talking around so many people, but they do agree to meet back up, reaffirming their old bonds.

Ok, Cole, enough with the dilly-dallying! Time for that intelligent commenting to start. As previously mentioned, there was no clue hidden at the feast, so it stands to reason that, when the new camp comes with a bunch of tools, that there is a clue hidden in one of these. Cole recognizes this, and sets about searching for it. He doesn’t FIND the clue (we the audience see it hidden in amongst the nails), but hey, baby steps.

Moving on to the strategizing, things quickly shake out to be an Old Healers/New Yawa group versus… not them. Ok, so the name thing kind of needs work. Desi and Joe are pulled back into the fold, and along with Ben and Lauren from the former Yawa, they appear to have seven. Ryan, meanwhile, recognizes that the original Healers have five people left, against the Heroes’ four and the Hustler’s three, putting his “underdog” strategy into greater prominence. Thus, it seems logical to him that these two groups band together against a supermajority. This makes Lauren and Ben the swing votes, unsurprisingly. One might argue that Dr. Mike is a swing vote as well, since he was no great friend of the Healers, while being more in bed with Ben and Lauren (proverbially speaking). However, for Mike it is clear which side he should go with. His connection with Ben and Lauren will remain probably no matter what, but going against his original tribe, even with Joe back in the fold, would have what we might call “John Cochran Downside”. Hailing from “Survivor South Pacific”, this is a phenomenon where someone flips too early, thereby pissing off most the jury, even if the move was strategically smart. Mike DOES need to move against his original tribe at some point, but this would put too many of the them on the jury too soon, even though the jury actually doesn’t start tonight. Since I know I’m going to get called out on praising Cochran’s move, while saying the same move for Dr. Mike would be a flaw, let me explain the difference. Cochran was between Savaii and Upolu, two tribes that, due to be a “returning captains” season and the lack of a swap, were relatively ironclad, with no cracks in the alliance, and very few major divisive characters to break up an alliance. Plus, Cochran had known the Upolu’s for a relatively short time, and had no firm allies on that side. Contrast with this season, where we HAVE had a tribe swap (thus making original tribe alliances shakier), and a VERY divisive character in the form of Joe (Chrissy wants him gone, and even his original tribe seems to view him as little more than a necessary evil). Even if Dr. Mike sticks with his original tribe, he has room to maneuver, whereas Cochran really did not. Hence why the move is appropriate for one, but not the other.

Point being, the decision falls to Lauren and Ben. Lauren quickly shows which side her bread is buttered on by firming things up with Dr. Mike, which I can kind of understand. As mentioned, Lauren was kind of the “oddball” amongst her tribe, with only Ali as anything resembling an “ally”. If Dr. Mike’s offering her a power couple pact, she has little reason not to take it, and thereby want to keep the people Dr. Mike wants around, around. Ben, however, has more ties to his old tribe, and an intense dislike of Cole. Cole doesn’t do himself any favors by continuing to gorge on food, this time cinnamon sticks. Ben makes his disgust about this known, a boon to the opposition. Dr. Mike does his best to talk Ben around, agreeing with his assessment of Cole’s character, but noting that it’s too soon, as they would lose their majority. Ben is civil about this, and Dr. Mike comments that he’s surprised at how crazy things are at the merge. Come on, Dr. Mike, I thought you were our superfan of the season? If you’ve seen ANY “Survivor”, you know that the merge is a major shakeup time.

In all honesty, despite my praise of Lauren joining with Dr. Mike, Ben IS making the smart move in wanting to go back to his original allies. The key, once again, is options. By sticking with Dr. Mike, they make Dr. Mike their ONLY connection. If he can’t swing some more people, when you get down to the last seven people, you’re most likely done. It’s true that that alliance has fewer people overall, and more hidden immunity idols, which are both attractive features. The other alliance, though, has many connections with Ben, and while Lauren didn’t bond with her original tribe, she can still potentially do something. Plus, Dr. Mike’s rocky history with the original Healers means he probably won’t shed too many tears at their loss, and would probably still be willing to work with you down the line, meaning you keep even more power.

Not to say that the old Healers don’t sense danger though. Realizing that Cole’s leash needs to be tightened AGAIN, Jessica calls him over and urges him to stop eating so much, which Cole seems dumbfounded by. Look, Jessica, I know he’s cute, but you’re smart, and might actually have a shot were it not for the lead weight of Cole around your neck. At some point, you really need to just cut him loose.

Oh, and the new tribe name is Solewa. It sucks, because it’s a combo tribe name. That said, the flag is cool-looking, with the name printed on a strip underneath the flag rather than on the flag itself. Plus, they used the last part of “Yawa” rather than the first part, and the last four letters give me “Bionicle” flashbacks, so I’ll just let this one slide, rather than rant about it.

Speaking of sliding, our immunity challenge is a new twist on the “ball endurance challenge”. We have people moving down an increasingly small balance beam, but this time instead of balancing a ball on a plate, they must spin it around the inside of a hoop. If the ball or you fall off, you’re out, last one standing wins. The small scale and repetitive nature of ball endurance challenges annoys me, but this one does change up enough for me to give it a pass. Our individual immunity idol is ok. It’s basically a big metal plate necklace with some gears and seashell designs on it. It’s a bit garish to me, but it stands out, and it’s hardly the worst thing. Oddly, though, the STAND for the idol is actually really cool looking. Part of it resembles a set of scales, which has a nice “judgement” tone to it appropriate for immunity.

Probst is in fine form with his challenge commentary today. He trashes Ryan for failing two seconds into the challenge, which later gives Chrissy a chance to show off her math skills, calculating how many times beyond Ryan our finalists have gone. He also attempts to hypnotize the players by pointing out how relaxing spinning the ball can be. And, of course, he has to throw some shade. He points out that you can’t really practice for this particular challenge, and he’s right. After all, who on earth has done THIS in their backyard?

CRASH!

COACH: (raising hand) I have.

ME: NO! NO! TWICE IN ONE EPISODE IS TOO MUCH! I DON’T EVEN WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH! OUT! OUT!

(Coach leaves, pelted by Buffs).

I would fault the music for giving us basically no mystery as to when someone will lose this challenge, but as this was a balance and endurance challenge, we knew from the beginning that the women would dominate. Sure enough, it comes down to a battle between Desi and Ashley, which Desi ends up winning. Good for her!

As you’d expect, talk quickly turns to where Ben and Lauren will go. Cole, having evidently learned from Jessica’s etiquette lessons, goes up and gives what’s actually a really good apology to Ben, talking about what a scumbag he was for hogging the food, and promises to do better. Ben, not being an idiot, sees right through the play, but that’s not to say it wasn’t as good an effort as could be expected from anyone. Sadly, just when Cole is turning things around, it’s time for his demise. You see, while this episode does a fair job, in and of itself, of masking who will win out tonight, it’s soon made clear that Ben and Lauren will make the smart move and go against the old Healers, despite Lauren’s protests. You see, we soon learn our targets for tonight are Chrissy, the lady built up as a hero, smart cookie, and fan favorite, and Cole, who apart from this episode has been shown to be brainless, rude, and little more than a living prop for Jessica. I wonder which of these two has more to lose?

Of course, with idols in the offing, Chrissy and co. discuss who their backup target should be. Joe’s name is thrown out, as he annoys everyone, but is quickly dismissed on the grounds that, as he found one idol, he may have more, thus lending credence to the complaints of every fan who hates that idols are being hidden the same way at separate camps (for my two cents, I look on it as a necessary evil. I get that it makes it easier for the same person to find multiple idols, but it just wouldn’t be fair if idols were hidden differently at different camps. Based on camp, someone might have an easier time idol hunting than someone else). Jessica is therefore thrown out as a backup option, which is a smart plan, since she’s a good, unexpected player unlikely to have an idol played on her. But, with so little screen time so far, and all of it good, what are the odds of that happening? We wouldn’t want another Jeremy Collins (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”) incident on our hands, NOW WOULD WE?

Joe, for his part, has some sense of which way the wind is blowing, as he criticizes Cole for bringing in Ben. I can see his point, since Ben has a number of ties to other people, but I have to give the point to Cole on this one. Ben may not be the most solid ally, but he at least brought SOMEONE! I don’t see YOU making any friends on your tribe, Joe.

Merge Tribal Councils are usually fairly exciting, and this one does not disappoint. Dr. Mike and Ryan set up our main conflict, and Cole actually makes a good, JP-esque point about how solid he is. Once again, though, Joe steals the show. He makes a big show about his loyalty to his original tribe, shortly followed by Dr. Mike doing a pretty accurate impression of him, and pointing out that while he and Joe are cool now, they weren’t before. Apart from further cementing my “Voting against Dr. Mike isn’t a death sentence to that alliance” point from earlier, this sends Joe into a frenzy, ultimately pulling out his second idol. I can KIND of understanding this move, being a sort of “Put fear in the other alliance to make the scramble” tactic, but I feel like there’s too many numbers here for that tactic to be effective. Better to hold onto it, and pull a move like he did at Levu: Be annoying to attract votes to yourself, THEN bust out an idol with no warning after the votes are cast to ensure victory. Instead, all Joe ensures is that people will NOT vote for him. Good for Joe, bad for his alliance.

Sure enough, Chrissy’s alliance wins out, but unfortunately, it’s not Cole who gets a heroic death, but Jessica. While I prefer that Chrissy stay over her, I am sorry to see Jessica go. She had a lot of bite for being one of the “generic pretty girls” cast on the season, and might have become an interesting strategic force given more time. Plus, her exit falls prey to the “Jeremy Collins” effect, where her exit was foreshadowed SO little that it feels unearned. This one got a BIT more traction, and Jessica wasn’t as major a character as Jeremy was, so this doesn’t sting quite as much, but it’s a blemish on an otherwise fascinating episode. We got a good look into the dynamics of everything, and Joe’s antics made for some fun moments. In fact, I don’t want the fun to end, meaning it’s time once again for…

TOP 5 and BOTTOM 5!

In honor of the contestants shilling for Outback Steakhouse, this list will look at the best and worst attempts at product placement the show has ever had. For once, there’s no special rules, so let’s get started with…

TOP 5

5. Visa (“Survivor Africa”): I suppose there is ONE rule worth mentioning: Should a product appear in multiple seasons, I’ll be putting the time I feel it is most memorable/worth talking about, not the first instance. Such is the case here. Yes, it was understated, but for a couple of those early seasons, on certain rewards contestants would pay with “Jeff Probst’s Personal Visa”. Most likely a card made up with a dummy name, this one stuck around from “Survivor The Australian Outback” through “Survivor Marquesas”, and was usually an understated part of the reward, not the reward itself, hence why it ranks low. This is more of a personal choice than any on this list, but I love the idea, even though it’s unrealistic, that Probst DID fork over his actual credit card, and was forced to watch as Lex, Big Tom, and others spent his hard-earned cash on third-world frivolities. I also like to imagine the contestants splurging on the most ridiculous items just to rack up Probst’s bill.

4. Pringles (“Survivor Palau”): Doritos may be the ORIGINAL “Survivor” chip of choice, but it was Pringles that went one step further, and landed itself on the list. Not content with merely being shown on the show, Pringles decided to do special “print” chips that had trivia from the show’s history up to that point on them. As a hard-core “Survivor” fan, this pleases me, and earns the chip a spot on this list.

3. Sprint (“Survivor Gabon”): One of the longer-running sponsors of the show, most of you probably remember Sprint. Not only did the sponsor a “fan-favorite” prize at the end of the seasons, but they usually heralded the loved-one’s challenge by giving people video previews from home. This was a nice touch, more sweet than clever, but still fun. Gabon gets the edge here for having the trick of the reward seeming to just be the video, before having the loved one walk off-camera and reappear on the show. A bit hokey, and very predictable, but usually a fun part of the season, and therefore a worthy bit of product placement.

2. Casa de Charmin (“Survivor Exile Island”): Like most kindergarteners, we want to know how the contestants go to the bathroom out there. Exile Island decided to answer that question with the hilariously named “Casa de Charmin”. Actually an outhouse, and probably more famous for Bruce and BobDawg’s wild night in it, there’s something that’s just hokey enough for this reward to be a nice bit of product placement for the show.

1. Home Depot (“Survivor Palau”): The ultimate product placement trick is, of course, to get your product in a challenge somehow. This is easier said than done, but one of the few seamless integrations, that earns this company the top spot, comes from Home Depot. Challenges involving building something at camp are nothing new, and while some may miss the ingenuity brought on by contestants having to make do with islands supplies, it must be said that by giving them better tools, cooler products were made. The specific winner was a close call between Palau’s bathroom-build and All-Stars’ shelter build, but Palau wins out for two things. First, it gave more choice. All-Stars got a full tool kit, while Palau forced one tribe member to choose just six tools to use. Second, for whatever reason, the bathroom builds got more creative, making for a more fun watch, and more memorable product placement.

Honorable Mention: Febreze (“Survivor Guatemala”): You’d think a product designed to make things smell nice would be out of place on “Survivor”. You would be right. That’s why Febreze was never used on “Survivor” itself, but rather in the end slates. For a couple of seasons, starting I believe with Guatemala, following the vote you would get the “Survivor Family Moment” sponsored by Febreze. Basically a short clip of the eliminated contestant’s family congratulating them, it made for a nice touch, and misses out on the list because the product TECHNICALLY wasn’t on the show itself, but in the commercials. But it was really sweet, so I’ll mention it here.

BOTTOM 5

5. Outback Steakhouse (“Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers”): For all my grief, this one nearly made the “Top 5” list, since Sandra’s love of Outback actually made the whole thing seem sincere. This episode just took it way too far, though, and thus the food must earn my ire.

4. 7-Up (“Survivor One World”): Maybe this one annoyed just me, but after name-brand soda had been absent from “Survivor” for a while, we didn’t really need to see it again. Thus the presence of 7-Up in the “Survivor” Dark Age was really unnecessary. I’ll concede that they did a good job making the crate look authentic, but once again, the plugging was a bit too much. Probst just used the phrase “Cool. Crisp. Refreshing” one time too many for my liking.

3. Craftsman Tools (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Remember how I said that the holy grail of product placement was to use it in a challenge, but how it was very rarely done right? Yeah, this is a case of it going horribly wrong. Taking apart a challenge and then putting it back together is not a bad idea in and of itself, but the use of modern tools just felt very un-“Survivor”. Do any of you remember this challenge? Of course not! If you do, it’s for how out of place it was, and I for one would like to see it buried by history.

2. “Gulliver’s Travels” (“Survivor Nicaragua”): If the Craftsman Tolls plug felt like forced integration, this one really pushed the envelope. Movies were nothing new for a reward on “Survivor”, but they were usually classics that related to life on the show. For example, “Survivor Africa” had a showing of the film “Out of Africa”. It’s hard to make a Jack Black comedy relevant too “Survivor”, and even carrying around a giant dummy didn’t help things. Only two things spare this atrocity from the top spot: One, the image of Dan sitting on a chair designed to make him seem small. This is hilarious. And two, for all that the attempt at integration failed, at least there was an ATTEMPT!

1. “Jack and Jill” (“Survivor South Pacific”): Yeah, you all knew this was coming. If “Gulliver’s Travels” was AT BEST tangentially related to the show, then the Adam Sandler vehicle “Jack and Jill” was in another solar system. No integration to the challenge or the theme, just dropped randomly as the last reward before the merge. How underwhelming. This in and of itself would have been bad enough, but the producers REALLY pushed people to praise the film, when anyone with taste could tell this was going to be an abomination to the art of filmmaking. Thus, we get forced Coach philosophizing, which is tolerable at best when it ISN’T related to Adam Sandler. I know for a lot of people this falls into “So bad, it’s good.” territory, but for me, it was just too cringe-worthy to be fun even in that respect.

Honorable Mention: Dr. Scholl’s (“Survivor Borneo”): While over-inserting the product may be the cardinal sin of product placement, under-inserting the product comes close. You may not remember this one, and for good reason. It was shilled precisely once, on “Survivor Borneo”, and never heard from again. It wasn’t even the focus of the challenge, instead given out as a bonus after an immunity win by Kelly Wiglesworth. Admittedly the challenge did involve balance, hence the foot connection, but when your product is overshadowed by a cheap tiki head on a string, you’re probably not getting what you’re paying for.

Overall, this episode averages out to “pretty good”. The strategizing was excellent, there were some fun moments, and taken in isolation, the misdirection was good. Taken in the context of the season, though, the winning side was obvious, and the exit unearned, which is why this isn’t yet one of the greats. There’s still time, though.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

“Survivor” Retrospectives: San Juan del Sur

Well, I said that “Survivor Cagayan” was the culmination of what some consider the greatest 4-season run of “Survivor”, so naturally you can guess where San Juan del Sur falls overall. Strangely, though, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone today who echoes that sentiment. True, you’re hard-pressed to find anyone who says San Juan del Sur is a FANTASTIC season, but most seem to consider it either underrated or just kind of ok. Hell, even back in the day, very few would particularly bad-mouth the season. So, why the drastic turnaround? Well, putting the last bit first, we would get some San Juan del Sur returnees in the near future, and put simply, they would kick butt majorly on their return. In other words, there’s a bit of retroactive continuity going on. Because some players on this season became major fan favorites later, they’re considered great players in their first go-around, and their original season is considered great by association. But does the season actually have anything within itself worthy of its reputation? That is the question we are here to answer today.

First, though, is the obligatory spoiler warning. This blog will be talking about the season as though the person reading it already knows the ending and the major plot points, merely recapping them as a refresher, and analyzing them as a result. If this is not what you’re looking for, and instead you want a spoiler-free analysis of the season, please scroll to the bottom of the page. There, in a section labeled “Abstract”, is what you’re looking for. Should an astute but spoiler-filled analysis be more to your taste, read on.

CAST

This is going to be a hard one to do. I usually like to start the cast off on a positive note, but I also feel obligated to talk about the main character, or what could be considered a contender for the main character, first. And what we consider our main character is someone I don’t have kind words for. Yes, let the hate commence: I am not a fan of Keith Nale.

Now, don’t misunderstand me: I completely get his appeal. A fireman from Louisiana, Keith serves as kind of the everyman for the show. He’s simple, bordering on stupid at times, but he was remarkably impressive at challenges, and a lot of people like his speaking style. The words he speaks are honest, not malicious, and done with just enough self-irony that they can be considered funny. Here’s the big problem though: humor, unlike other likability factors, is incredibly subjective. If Keith’s humor hits the home run for you, then he’s a great addition to the season. If it does NOT hit the mark for you, well then, be prepared to be annoyed. Keith is, for good and for ill, the main character to come out of this season, so hopefully you like him, because if not, then this season will be a drag. Given my earlier editorials about Keith, you can guess where I stand, though it’s worth noting that my stance of Keith has softened somewhat since this season. While I still find a lot of his humor crude and not worth my time, I can appreciate his down-to-earth-ness, and to certain degree his refreshing simplicity. The trouble is, I only came to appreciate these aspects of Keith during his appearance on “Survivor Cambodia”, and while that does make him retroactively somewhat more tolerable, it still doesn’t help matters. I know this seems all over the place, but the truth is that I can’t really talk about why I mind Keith on this season, but don’t really mind him on second appearance, without talking about problems with the season as a whole, which of course I save for the “Overall” section of the blog. For now, the best way I can put it is this: Keith, for me, is an amplifying agent. If the season he’s on is of good quality, he makes it better. If the season he’s on isn’t that good, my GOD does he make it worse!

Thankfully, our second character is all-around much better. In keeping with our “firefighter” theme, we have Jeremy Collins. Jeremy, especially in the first part of our season, is the main strategist, but don’t take that to mean it’s all he is. True, it’s the main focus of his character, but he does get in some good quips, particularly at the expense of some of the stupid moves his tribe makes. On top of that, the dude is just likable. A family man with a heart of gold, the dude managed to be a fan favorite, despite arguably playing villainously. It was probably that smile. Dude has a great smile. For myself, Jeremy is great. A welcome addition to the season, both for his snark, and for his strategy.

Jeremy’s counterpart on the other side would be Josh Canfield, the man determined to prove that appearances are deceiving. Josh, at the outset, seemed to be every gay stereotype. Apart from being a man working in theatre, the man was overall flamboyant and effeminate in his mannerisms. And, if I may say so, he was the biggest badass on his tribe in the beginning. Jumping ahead a bit to talk about stuff normally gone over in the “Twist” section, Jeremy had a lot of lucky breaks early on the show. Josh had no such luck. He was on what ended up being the inferior tribe, and was playing with a lot of people who had no idea what they were doing. Josh, being more than a competent strategist even in the worst of times, effectively ran circles around everyone on his tribe, and even the other tribe (save perhaps Jeremy). He was cunning, witty, and like Tony Vlachos (“Survivor Cagayan”) before him, pulled crazy plans that shouldn’t have had their intended outcome, but somehow did. Yes, Josh might not have been as crazy as Tony, but he followed in a similar vein. Further helping Josh’s case was the fact that, again like another “Survivor Cagayan” player (in this case Spencer Bledsoe), he continually got the rug pulled out from under him. Again, Josh wasn’t in QUITE the same boat, but it’s worth noting that every time he seemed to have his footing, some twist happened that upset that footing somehow, ultimately leading to his eviction. Josh, like Jeremy, is a fun watch, and a breath of fresh air on a strategy-lite season. His lack of inclusion for the “Second Chances” vote, while understandable due to work commitments, is a crying shame.

Well, now the good outweigh the bad, time to even things out. Up next is Jon Misch. Now, normally Jon would have fallen into our “Generic Good-Looking Guy” slot for the season, and make no real impact. He might make it FAR, sure, but he’s going to be bland. I mean, he’s a guy named “Jon” who has no nickname. How can THAT be memorable? Well, in an interesting twist, JON of all people ends up being our main late-game strategist. I mind this for two reasons. One I’ll get into during the “Overall” section, but the other is that Jon, despite being SMARTER than the average “Generic Good-Looking Guy”, did not have a PERSONALITY better than the average “Generic Good-Looking Guy”. Now, would I prefer that Jon brought nothing to the table? Of course not! Would I say that Jeremy and Josh are the biggest characters ever? Of course not! But the pair at least had SOME personality to compliment their strategy. Jon, however, has absolutely none, and that, to me, makes him a stain on the season.

Speaking of stain-like players, we have Drew “Badass” Christy up next. I can’t talk too much about Drew, since he’s mainly remembered for his manner of exit. Suffice to say, though, that the “Badass” nickname was self-bestowed and completely inappropriate for who he was. He’s remembered in a sort of “So bad, it’s good.” way, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get a chuckle for this same fact. However, I prefer my seasons to be remembered for people playing WELL, rather than people being idiots, so at best, Drew breaks even.

And now, we come to our pair of “Celebrity Casting” people for this season. I’d mention them in this section anyway, but for once, both of them are actually relevant characters to the season. Mainly because, well, one of them WON! Yes, Natalie Anderson, who had previously appeared on “The Amazing Race” with he twin sister Nadiya (who also appeared on this season of “Survivor”, but was voted off first, and so is irrelevant to this blog), ended up being our victor. And, for what she was, she wasn’t a bad choice to have as a winner. Known for having something of a temper on “The Amazing Race”, and many finding her a tough watch as a result, Natalie actually managed to be quite palatable on this season. True, it would be fair to say she still had something of a temper, but it was itself tempered somewhat by the fact that, first night aside, Natalie was never with her sister. Natalie will always have an edge to her, but without her sister to bounce off of, it never gets too out of hand, and makes her a breath of fresh air in a season sorely lacking in strong female characters (at least that we were SHOWN!). I cam in expecting not to like Natalie, but she grew on me, like she did with the rest of the audience. I think I look on her victory kind of like I look on Sophie Clarke’s from “Survivor South Pacific”. A good win by a good character, but there are more interesting people to be found on the season.

More short-lived, but still impactful, would be John Rocker. A former major-league baseball pitcher, John Rocker was and is best known for making racist and homophobic comments in reference to New York City during his tenure in baseball. Presumably, this controversial personality is why he was cast, and he did not disappoint in this respect. While it wasn’t EVERY word out of his mouth, the comments did happen, and he was appropriately voted out for them. While a satisfying exit, pretty much no one found John Rocker entertaining, and I, like so many others, would prefer that he not have been on the season in any capacity, so as to spare us this unpleasantness. To make matters worse, he brought along his girlfriend, Julie McGee, who is ONLY remembered for having a painful quit that ended up forcing out Josh by proxy. Yeah, great choices there, CBS!

As to the characters who were remembered at the time of airing, but have since fallen by the wayside… Well, I think for the first time, there aren’t any. Everyone who was remembered at the time would still be remembered today, and I can’t say I find anyone else particularly worthy of a write up. You could ARGUE that Dale Wentworth or Reed Kelly (at the time, boyfriend of the aforementioned Josh) might be worthy of this spot, but the former made one too many social screw-ups and the latter so little impact that neither is really worth the effort. Now, I can already hear the complaints about how I’m not talking about Kelley Wentworth, and how she was one of the greatest things to come out of this season. And yes, I completely agree that Kelley is a great “Survivor” player, worthy of her own write-up… ON “SURVIVOR CAMBODIA”! I know that she’s awesome, but we the audience don’t see that until a year later. At the moment, she’s an early boot who probably had all of about six confessionals. Not worth it! I suppose I should bring up Jaclyn Shultz (girlfriend of Jon Misch) and Missy Payne, since both will be semi-important strategically later on, but apart from that, they have little personality, so I’ll mention here that they exist, and talk about them more in the “Twist” section.

Ultimately, San Juan del Sur’s positives and negatives seem to balance out in terms of characters. You will note, however, this is one of the shortest “Cast” sections I’ve had. While we had a few good players in here, the season was mostly made up of bland and forgettable duds, which, unsurprisingly, makes for a bland and forgettable season.

Score: 3 out of 10.

CHALLENGES

At this point, are we really expecting any great original challenges to come out of this season? Of course not! But you;d be surprised, though, that San Juan del Sur actually had a couple of gems. There was a basketball game under a bunch of branches, and challenge involving shaking a giant bag of dirt (more awesome than it sounds, I promise), and even some of the individual challenges stack up, particularly one involving dueling people on a balance beam. But sadly, even this is no quite enough to overcome the number of bland, reused challenges provided by the season. Close to average for this point in the show’s history, but still not necessarily a good thing.

Score: 4 out of 10.

TWISTS

San Juan del Sur was meant to be a carbon copy of “Survivor Blood vs. Water”, and a lot of the initial twists reflect this. Obviously, the mechanic of playing against a family member or “loved one” comes back, and we also get the “Day 0” twist again. Oddly, I was initially more excited for the latter twist than the former. While I can’t deny that ultimately, playing against your family the first time made for new, compelling strategy, and good drama, the potential for tearing families apart was still there. “Day 0”, on the other hand, was kind of a fun idea that didn’t really get explored very much the first time around. Unfortunately, this opportunity was pretty well wasted once again, with the only impact of “Day 0” being that Wes and Keith Nale lose their flint, and take some flak as a result. Talking about the “Blood vs. Water” twist on this season, it didn’t make any gaffes as I feared it might, and having no returnees changed things up a bit. However, it also didn’t bring much to the season, and the fact that it was reused from a season only a year previously stunk of desperation. Ultimately, neither of these twists really affects the season positively or negatively, but when one of these is your flagship twist, it’s a bit concerning.

One area where this season thankfully differs from “Survivor Blood vs. Water” was in nixing Redemption Island in favor of Exile Island. Definitely a plus in my book, but even if Redemption Island had never been on the table, this would have been pretty good in my book. While Exile Island itself repeated a number of beats we had seen previously (sending two people, one from each tribe initially, to Exile, with a choice of urns determining whether or not they get the idol clue), it had been a while since we’d seen it, and while few Exile Island moments would be the stuff of legend, it was a welcome diversion that helped give the season its own identity. Really, the only criticism I have is that reward challenges took the form of one-on-one competitions at an arena, which was unfortunate in terms of challenge size, but did have a good bit of drama, at least when playing against a loved one.

In terms of player twists, San Juan del Sur starts off on the slow side. Really nothing of note happens until episode three. At this point, two people have hidden immunity idols. One is Keith Nale, on Hunahpu. The other, more intriguing, is John Rocker, whose mouth has already gotten him in trouble, particularly with Natalie. Eventually, following the eviction of Jeremy’s wife Val (Jeremy saw this as a betrayal, as the pair had made an alliance on Exile Island), they shouted at Coyopa to get rid of John Rocker. Josh, being more strategically minded, used this opportunity to blindside John with his idol in tow. Actually a pretty fun blindside, and really only topped by what happened next episode.

For all that the pre-merge of San Juan del Sur is considered “boring” (and rightly so), the one exception to this is episode four. Hunahpu has been winning pretty handily at this point, but camp life proves to be a bit difficult. They lost their flint in an earlier episode, and traded a reward to Probst for it, which did lead to the nice touch of all future rewards being choices. However, they found it again, and attempted to trade Probst back. It goes about as well as you’d expect, and is actually kind of hilarious. Drew Christy is the brain trust behind this idea, and this episode doesn’t get better for him. Paranoid about the women coming together, Drew helps his tribe throw the immunity challenge. This leads to him being voted out, in the episode with his immortal “Basically, I’m a badass.” quote. Comedy gold.

Episode five brings us a switch, but very little goes on beyond that. The Wentworth’s, Dale and Kelley, get screwed by the swap, and Hunahpu once again tries to make deals that lead to very little. Probst DOES give them rice, but he takes pretty much all of their previous rewards from them. Just kind of pathetic.

Now we come to the merge, which starts out with a fizzle. Julie McGee, John Rocker’s girlfriend, gets upset at how John is perceived, being ostracized for stealing food from the merge feast, and how hard it is to play the game, and quits. We had two alliances, Jeremy vs. Josh, squaring up to do battle, and instead this little pipsqueak just quits? This is where San Juan del Sur REALLY goes downhill for me. This cast wasn’t the greatest to begin with, and now to have a QUIT amongst their ranks? Just a fail. No further elaboration needed.

While I may complain about the merge episode, the next two are probably the best for the season, with back to back blindsides. Jon and Jaclyn had been in the middle between the sides of Jeremy and Josh, unsure of where to go. On the day of Julie’s quit, it seemed as though Josh would have the other hand. The interpersonal dynamics rear their head again, though, as some of the men in Josh’s alliance are fairly dismissive of Jaclyn while Jon is out on Exile Island (where he finds a hidden immunity idol. Would have been nice to see, if Jon had actually had some personality.). This makes Jaclyn mad, and the pair flip on Josh’s alliance, sending him home. Exciting episode, when you get rid of a power-player. Not being stupid, however, they now realize this sets Jeremy up for a win, and so flip to vote him out. Somewhat more disappointing, both for how little it was foreshadowed, and for reasons I’ll bring up later. But still, good shakeups, leaving Jon and Jaclyn squarely in the power position.

From here on out, the positions get a little murkier. As such, there’s less shifting of alliances, and more blindsiding of individuals. There’s Keith Nale’s famous “Stick to the Plan” moment that ultimately results in his own son getting voted out. And then there’s Natalie’s revenge plot. Most of Jeremy’s loyal allies totally jumped ship after Jeremy’s exit. One, however, was only pretending. Natalie Anderson bided her time, and ultimately cut off Jon’s head (proverbially speaking) in two bigs moves. First, she got rid of non-entity Alec Christy over Keith, due the latter being willing to work with her, while the former was firmly with Jon and Jaclyn. In a hilarious moment, Natalie managed to get out scot-free from this (Natalie having exploited a split vote to get a slim majority) by basically saying she got confused by the split vote. And they bought it. The idiots deserved getting voted out in the next episode. Which she does, blindsiding Jon, and therefore walking to victory. Apart from concern about a Keith Nale immunity run, Natalie’s walk to victory is really the only other thing of note this season.

Oddly quite a short twist section, but when you’ve got a lot of repeats and a relatively, for want of a better term, “normal” cast. This is both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because it makes this blog far easier to write. Curse because it means a lot of the episodes just kind of exist, with little exciting happening, apart from a few comedically stupid moments.

Score: 3 out of 10.

OVERALL

I can’t fault this season for trying. Going Mayan on this season wasn’t the WORST in terms of theme, but it had just been done before. Tough to find new themes 29 seasons in, though, so I give them some leeway on this one. I can at least say Exile Island looked pretty cool.

Sadly, the rest of the season does not get this slack. I can say that no element is AWFUL, but nothing really sands out, and the result is a whole that is somehow LESS than its parts. For the most part, this season is just not memorable, and when it IS memorable, it’s more for being cringe-worthy than it is for being GOOD at anything. Hardly a ringing endorsement. And I know this season gets a few returnees who show how good they can really be, but that’s a discussion for that season. We’re talking about San Juan del Sur, and there, they’re just ok.

The weak pre-merge is obviously a big part of what drags this season down. When your cast is iffy at best, and only one-third of your pre-merge can be generously considered “exciting”, you’ve got troubles. Of course, I’m of the opinion that an exciting post-merge can more than make up for a lackluster pre-merge (hence my enjoyment of “Survivor Gabon” and to a lesser extent, “Survivor Caramoan”). And, initially, it seemed like we might get it. The two big characters to come out of the pre-merge were Jeremy and Josh, and when these two relative titans are set up to oppose each other, this should be an epic clash! When they do clash, it’s great! But then it’s over in two episodes.

Here’s where we come to the real crux of the problem with San Juan del Sur: the focus. Yes, the pre-merge was lackluster, but we could have gotten over that if we’d been treated to more scenes of the chief strategists making their plots early on. With Jeremy and Josh, it seemed like we were getting that. But then, suddenly, they’re both gone, and who are we left with? Jon Misch, basically a Wonder Bread sandwich, only less flavorful. True, we’d seen SOME of Jon rising to prominence in previous episodes, but this is mostly hindsight. San Juan del Sur was set up as the Josh and Jeremy show, with a bit of Keith thrown in, so seeing the two go one right after the other left us with kind of a void, and the feeling that we’d pretty much WASTED the first half of this season. If you want your season to be good, don’t make us feel like we could have found something better to do with our time! Thankfully, this season is saved from being TOTAL garbage by the emergence of Natalie, who was a better strategist and more exciting character than Jon ever was, but by then, it’s almost a case of too little, too late. We spent the first half of the season getting to know our exciting characters, and then the back half getting to know the people who replaced the people we were hoping to see more of. That letdown, on top of being weak in all other areas, is just a hurdle this season couldn’t overcome.

What’s worse is it didn’t have to be this way. Screen time could have been shared more equally quite easily. Either get rid of some of the extraneous antics, or show Natalie and Jon being more active in strategy earlier. Don’t get me wrong, the Josh and Jeremy boots were still going to hit the audience hard, but you could have softened the blow by giving us scenes of people OTHER THAN THEM early on.

Ultimately, San Juan del Sur is frustrating. I want to like it, I really do, but it just is an overall weak season with poor editing making things come together in one large lump of boring. That’s still better than being obnoxious, which thankfully we never devolve into, but still not enough to give this season a good score.

Score: 13 our of 40.

ABSTRACT

San Juan del Sur, despite what hindsight may say, is not an interesting season. It has its moments, but ultimately comes across as kind of dull overall at best, and really weak at worse. Its attempts at misdirection backfire horribly, making a lot of the season feel like a waste of time. That said, there’s nothing offensive about this season, and given the prominence it has in later returnee seasons, I DO recommend watching it, but only for historical value.

-Matt

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan del Sur” Finale: A Tale of Two Twinnies

After many trials, tribulations, and delays, I have finally managed to watch the “Survivor” finale and reunion show. Sadly, due to how long it took me to watch these, most of you will have already heard other thoughts, and as such, I may include slightly less detail than I normally do. Even so, I’ll try to hit all the points I normally hit with the finale blog, and this blog will still be overly long as-is, so let’s waste no more time on fancy introductions!

Remember what I said a blog or two ago about people this season not getting overly pissed over the outcome of a Tribal Council. The universe just HAD to give me a counter-example. Specifically, Jaclyn gets more than a little pissed over John’s eviction, though she doesn’t snap until it comes to Missy and Natalie questioning Jon’s loyalty. What results is fascinating unpleasantness that does Jaclyn no favors. I won’t address the argument itself here, as it has very little bearing on the outcome of the episode, but I will bring up that I’ve lately come to realize that I HATE it when people try to determine whether or not someone has been “loyal” in the game of “Survivor”. The trouble is that it’s a question that’s impossible to determine, as no one is loyal or traitorous all the time. Take Jon, for example. He betrayed Jeremy, and so you could argue he was traitorous. On the other hand, he was loyal to Missy to the point of ruining his own game, so in that way, he was a loyal person. Which one is he overall? I can’t tell you, but it’s something that is impossible to determine.

Evidently the episode also hates this unpleasantness, and gets to our reward challenge for the episode. That’s right, REWARD challenge. Evidently, the show is ahead of schedule, as they see fit to give us an extra reward challenge. Then again, perhaps they just understand how lackluster the strategy is overall this season, and so are giving us the only pleasant thing left. Today’s challenge is actually a pretty good one, though. Each contestant must unwind a bunch of rope from a fence. Once they have enough rope, they must assemble and cross over a bridge, before tossing beanbags at some blocks. The first person to knock over all their blocks gets reward. Technically a reused challenge, but one that combines a few disparate elements, so I’m going to let it pass in that regard. I do like the mind games of “Have I unwound enough rope?”, and the bridge building and crossing makes for some good-but-not-dangerous pratfalls. Sadly, this challenge is not without its problems. “Building the Bridge” just means putting sticks in holes. A bit simple, if you ask me. Better if they made the bridge a puzzle, so that you’d have to carefully choose which rungs you needed. On top of that, the climax of the challenge is a carnival game. I get that you want to make simple challenges that can be replicated at home, but come ON, give us an epic conclusion!

The reward itself is an advantage in the next immunity challenge, and I’m sure you’re all expecting my usual rant about immunity advantages this late in the game. If you are, then there’s a distinction I must bring up: I only hate advantages for the FINAL immunity challenges. It just seems like a sacrosanct challenge that needs to be an all-out brawl for who wants it most. Any OTHER challenge, however, I’m all for it, as it makes the reward challenge very high-stakes. So no, I don’t mind this one.

Keith wins the advantage, and sends Jaclyn to Exile Island for the last time. Probably, this is the best choice for Keith. You can’t send Missy or Baylor without offending the other, and as they’re likely to never vote for each other, they’ll probably need to be brought to the strategy table. An argument could be made for sending Natalie, as she’s the strongest woman left, but you’re also supposed to be somewhat allied with Natalie, so that looks bad. Jaclyn is a non-entity in almost all matters, so she’s the safe choice.

Jaclyn does get her own Exile Island scene, but it’s just a lot more complaining. Seriously, this better have an empowering point, or I’m going to be really pissed. Somewhat better of a watch is Keith, who gets his advantage a lot earlier than we’d expect. Basically, Keith gets a copy of the immunity challenge to practice on for the rest of the day, and it’s actually very original. Using a series of paddles, Keith must maneuver three balls, one at a time, though a series of obstacles to a finish goal. The first person to get all three balls in the goal will win immunity. Keith is allowed precisely one practice session, though it can be as long as he wants. Keith may be stupid, but even he can see that he’s in trouble, and so practices his heart out. Kind of fun to watch, but this gets into why I’m more ok with this immunity advantage more than others. Unlike previous immunity advantages, this one doesn’t make the challenge easier, it just makes your learning curve shorter. Still advantageous, but not game-breakingly so. Plus, it could, in theory, add a new dimension to the strategic game. Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, Natalie won that challenge and did the practice session. Natalie’s goal is not so much to win, but to prevent Keith, her main jury threat, from winning. Therefore, Natalie could spread information about the challenge to her allies, thus giving them a leg up in the challenge as well. True, they couldn’t practice like she could, but it would eliminate the element of surprise. The reward went to the person on the bottom, so we never got to see this dimension, but it’s a good one to consider, and as such I hope this type of advantage comes to pass.

At the start of the challenge itself, it looks as though Keith’s practice may not pay off, but it seems that it does, as he goes on to win handily. This might make it seem like Jaclyn is on the chopping block, and she is, but remember that “empowering point” I mentioned earlier. Jaclyn finally seems to have gotten off her pity pot and is actually doing something. She mentions to Natalie that Missy and Baylor have a great narrative for the end, and breaking them up might be desirable. She further says that if Natalie saves her, she won’t vote for Natalie at the next Tribal Council. Natalie considers the proposal when Baylor asks if Natalie could play her idol for her mom this time, as it’s the last chance for the idol to be played. Kind of a random request, but it gives Natalie a dilemma. Despite the fact that Natalie’s in a good situation with Missy and Baylor, and flipping again might mess things up, I actually think it’s in Natalie’s best interest to flip and vote out Missy. Bear in mind, Natalie wins against pretty much anyone else left. Keith is her only threat, but he can’t be voted out this episode. Therefore, it is in Natalie’s best interest to make it so that Keith is unlikely to win the next immunity challenge, which means keeping in the best competitors. Missy, bless her heart, will most likely not compete in the final immunity challenge, and is therefore not beneficial in this regard. Plus, the leg thing might get sympathy votes. True, you risk Baylor rebelling, but Baylor is not much of an entity in this game, and she’ll probably forgive you.

So, does Natalie do this at Tribal Council? Not exactly. She does flip, and actually plays her idol for Jaclyn because Keith was not clued in on the plan, but they vote for Baylor instead of Missy, thus sending Baylor home. While not a game-ending move, I’m less cool with this one. Unlike Baylor, Missy is likely to act out a revenge plot against you, and you get rid of one of your best competitors for a weak one. While Baylor seems cool with leaving, it’s still not a great move, Natalie, and certainly unnecessary in this regard. Did make for the most interesting Tribal Council of the night, though. Brace yourselves, folks, it’s all downhill from here.

Of course, you wouldn’t know this by talking to Missy, who is absolutely OK with Natalie’s move for no apparent reason. Well, she SAYS it’s because she herself didn’t have to vote her daughter out, which I guess makes sense, but the fact remains that you effectively lost an ally, Missy, and you could very well go next. I wouldn’t get that comfortable if I were you.

After our lack of a “Fallen Comrades” Tribute (am I the only one who misses that?), we head off to our final Immunity Challenge, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s a repeat. In fact, it’s a repeat of the FIRST “Survivor Blood vs. Water” final Immunity challenge, which somehow makes it even more repetitive. Basically, everybody must go down a series of obstacles to go through a series of obstacles to get bags of puzzle pieces to solve a puzzle to find the numbers to a combination lock to undo said lock to raise a flag to win immunity in the house that Jack built. Ok, perhaps that last bit wasn’t actually in there, but I’m not far off in how convoluted and generic this challenge is. The one saving grace is that the puzzle is actually a bit unique. A few pieces are missing, and these pieces will leave distinctly-shaped holes in the puzzle. One these shapes are found, the contestants must go back down the wall to look up what numbers correspond with the shapes to undo the lock, and then go back up the wall. This is actually a unique and clever way of working in the combination lock, and I’m a big fan of it. Sad to say, the rest of the challenge just leaves me cold. Perhaps I’m a traditionalist, but I prefer endurance challenges in these situations.

Still, the challenge is not without excitement. Jaclyn takes a leaf out of Kass McQuillen’s (“Survivor Cagayan”) playbook, and makes a come-from-behind victory on the immunity challenge puzzle portion. Much though I have ragged on Jaclyn this season, and even though it pales in comparison to Kass’ comeback, I must say that it was impressive. Jaclyn did a good job. Props.

Keith, once again realizing he’s in trouble, seems to make an effort to not be voted out. Unfortunately, that effort is half-assed, and just a “Missy will get sympathy votes” plea that pretty much falls on deaf ears. We’ll need to get our misdirection from another source. But then, that would require someone other than Natalie growing a brain.

This is where Jaclyn comes in. Somehow the thought occurs to her that, perhaps, it MIGHT be a good idea to vote out the person who’s been spinning the strategic narrative lately, namely Natalie. Missy seems to be on board, and we actually have some tension going into this Tribal Council Things seem even tenser when Natalie makes one of her rare slip-ups, and basically explains why she’s a big threat and deserves to win. This is great for winning over the jury, but VERY BAD FOR CONVINCING OTHERS TO KEEP YOU IN THE GAME! Fortunately for Natalie, brain acquisition is a temporary arrangement this season, and so everyone left votes out Keith. Not a bad move, per se, but voting out Natalie would have been better for your game. Then again, I’m much happier to see Keith go. Though smarter than he seemed, his humor did not do it for me, and I say good riddance. As a side note, this also makes the final 3 all women, an impressive feat when you consider that women were numerically disadvantaged this season. In a sea of bad gameplay and uninteresting characters, this was a nice touch.

I’d say let’s skip over the final 3 breakfast, and go to Final Tribal Council, since one is interesting and the other is not, but even this Final Tribal Council is lackluster. No one gives a weak opening speech (actually, I’d say Natalie’s was weakest due to having the fewest concrete examples), but no opening speech stands out either. In fact, none of the “questions” asked by the jurors stands out either, save for one that we’ll get to later. They’re all very blatantly broadcasting who they’re voting for, and if they ARE phrased as a question, it’s a very transparent question that’s really not worth discussing. This does bring up one point about a “Blood vs. Water” season that I’m not sure I’ve addressed, but even if I have, it’s so blatant here that it’s worth repeating. Even though this is not always the case, ideally the jury should be voting on who played the best game, or else who offended them the least. In any case, they shouldn’t have much of a vested interest in one person winning over another, except for reasons of being offended by that person in-game, which can make for great drama. If your loved one is on the jury, however, who do you THINK they’ll vote for? My problem here is that essentially a few of the jurors are rigged in a “Blood vs. Water” season. Not so much out of familial love (though it is a factor), but if their loved one wins, they get to reap some of the reward. That seems unfair to me, and in violation of the “No Conspiring to Share the Money” rule, and it’s just one of the snags that prevents me from liking the “Blood vs. Water” twist as much as other.

For how boring the jury was this season, they did at least end on a high note. Reed, of all people, provides our vitriol for this season, by being fairly nice to Natalie and Jaclyn, but then laying into Missy. He describes her as a “Wicked Stepmother” who coddled her alliance and treated everyone else like crap. On top of that, Reed says, she was entitled and pathetic, and he wishes her nothing but ill. I believe we have another inductee to the Order of Sue-Hawkabies! And a male example, too, that’s very rare! In all seriousness, Reed’s tongue-lashing was just the spice needed to prevent this jury being ENTIRELY forgettable (remember anything about the jury of “Survivor One World”? Neither do I.), but was not so ferocious that it felt mean or laying it on too thick. Just the right amount of vitriol. Still, I do wonder where it came from. Perhaps Reed was more upset about Missy’s dishing out the rice than we thought.

Not too surprisingly, since the jury broadcast that they liked good gameplay, Natalie wins in a landslide. Missy comes in third, with only Baylor voting for her (while crying), while Jaclyn managed to scrape second, getting both Jon’s and Reed’s votes. I have to wonder why Reed chose Jaclyn over Natalie, though. Perhaps he’s upset about Natalie calling out his plan to get rid of Jon a while back. Still, I’m very happy for Natalie. While she started playing later than I would have liked, she started earlier than most, and I think the main problem was that there was no time for good Natalie scenes. I would have felt more satisfied with a Josh or Jeremy victory, but this is a good consolation prize. If nothing else, it gives us a few “Survivor” firsts. We have our first “Celebrity” winner of “Survivor”. We have our first Sri Lankan winner of “Survivor”. And we have a great demonstration of the power of the situation on “Survivor”. You could make the argument that Natalie and Nadiya played (or in Nadiya’s case, would have played) very similar games. Very vocal, a bit of an alliance ringleader, bent on revenge against those who wronged them. Yet, purely based on what tribe they were on, the same game gets you voted out first and makes you the winner. This just goes to positively show the unpredictability of “Survivor”. You can be a strategic mastermind, but if you end up in a bad situation, it can screw you, through no fault of your own. As I’ve said, I like Natalie as a winner. In some ways, she reminds me a lot of one of my favorites: Sandra Diaz-Twine (“Survivor Pearl Islands”). Both were lippy women who were comfortable making friends with the enemy to get farther in the game, and both were willing to take revenge on the ejection of their allies. Admittedly, Natalie is a bit more willing to be a leader than Sandra is, but neither way is correct. I’d still give Sandra the edge strategy-wise, just because I feel I’ve seen more of Sandra, but both are excellent strategists who deserve respect.

The reunion show, while not particularly horrible, was not very good or memorable. Nothing to really talk about with the contestants, since most of them were boring, and Probst once again dissed the pre-merge boots by not acknowledging them (though they did at least get to sit up on stage, so I suppose that’s something). The main thing that bugs me is that Caleb Bankston (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”) did not get a tribute during the finale. Look, I’m all in favor of keeping the focus on the new players, but this is a likeable guy, connected closely to the show (especially since his season and this one share a twist), who died tragically young. At least acknowledge him in some way! Oh well, I suppose we had to give Probst time to gush over Reed. Seriously, this guy got the most screentime, when he did next to NOTHING in the game? Cut Caleb some slack, he sure as hell deserves it.

Despite the best efforts of the show, the finale kind of falls flat. The problem is that most everything that would happen was clearly telegraphed, and the most exciting part of the show was Baylor’s blindside. Admittedly, this was a great moment to discuss, but the trouble is that it happened so early. Everything afterwards felt like a letdown. Still, we had a satisfying winner, and nothing that completely wrecks this season. I’ll go into more detail on my specific thoughts on the season later, but first, it’s time for my traditional look back at how I thought people would do before the season started, and comparing them with what actually happened. Let’s begin with:

Keith: I called the “stereotypical redneck” part, but the guy was stronger and more long-lived that I would have guessed. I’ll call this one wrong.

Wes: Pretty flat out wrong. A redneck much like his dad, but nowhere near as smart or charming as I thought he might be. And given what I said about his smarts, that’s pretty bad.

Josh: Dead wrong. Guy was nowhere near as awkward as I though, and was a quite enjoyable strategic mastermind. Good for him.

Reed: He developed into what I thought near the end, but for the most part, I was wrong. Had almost no impact on the game whatsoever.

Missy: A bit wrong, on my part. She was savvier than I gave her credit for, but about as annoying as I thought, and made it farther than I expected.

Baylor: My first correct call of the game. A follower who found the right alliances to take her near the end, but no victory.

Natalie: Clearly wrong. While she showed some traits that I thought would do her in, she overcame those and proved to be a good-enough strategist to win the whole thing. Evidently her behavior is exacerbated by the presence of Nadiya. Speaking of whom…

Nadiya: Actually right. While I said Natalie would be first off, I did say either twin would do, and Nadiya fit right in with what I thought.

Jeremy: Right on personality and play style, wrong on his winning. He was robbed, in my opinion.

Val: In a flip-flop of Jeremy, right on time in the game (though I overestimated a bit), wrong on personality.

Jon: I’m going to say right on personality, though I didn’t predict he’d become a strategic center. Stayed a bit longer than I thought.

Jaclyn: Came very close to making me right on time in the game, but I was WAY off on her personality. Just a boring, non-threatening individual who will be quickly forgotten.

John: Dead right, for once.

Julie: As a thorough description of my thoughts on Julie would get me sued, I’m just going to say I was right, though I could not predict the manner of her exit, and move on.

Dale: I got his time in the game close to spot-on, but his personality was way off. In a good way, though.

Kelley: Wait, there was a Kelley in this game? Guess that means I was right.

Drew: Way off. He’s definitely not the smart one.

Alec: Again, wrong by a mile. Switch him and his brother, and I’m closer with regards to time in the game. Both are still idiots, though.

Sad to say, but the traditional final episode “Top 5 and Bottom 5” is getting axed here due to an underwhelming finale and time constraints. I did consider doing one for rewards, so I could talk about immunity advantages a bit more, but I’ll save it for another time. Instead, let’s take a look at the tease for next season. Just when you thought they couldn’t top “Survivor One World” for stupid titles, we have “Survivor Worlds Apart”. How far apart are these worlds? They’re corporate America, day laborers, and free spirits. It seems we’ll be getting three tribes, similar to how “Survivor Cagayan” worked, and we’ll see which wins out. Like with “Survivor Cagayan”, I think a lot of it is going to come down to the strength of the cast. The “Tribe Division by Class” thing is not a good gimmick in and of itself, and relates to the game very little. It doesn’t particularly make me want to watch the season, but nor does it ruin things for me. I think there are better twists they could have done, but this could work, if, like on “Survivor Cagayan”, it’s not emphasized to death. Point being, I’m reserving judgment.

What I CAN judge is this particular season, and it does not hold up well at all. They tried, they really did, they nearly succeeded in making this season interesting. There were too many duds in the cast, what good players there were did not show up for too long, and they eliminated a lot of the good players shortly after the merge. They tried to build up new people, but when a show axes its biggest assets, there’s not a lot you can do. The only suggestion I could make would have been to give Natalie, Jon, and a few of the later strategists more early-game strategic scenes, so that their sudden rise to power would have seemed more earned. As it stands, the location of Nicaragua has yet to produce a good season. Actually, this season has a lot of the same problems as “Survivor Nicaragua”: a lot of boring cast members, a slow start, and they get rid of the good players too early. With that said, I would hesitate to call “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” a “bad” season, because while nothing was really exemplary, there was also nothing cringe inducing like on “Survivor Nicaragua”. It’s at the VERY low end of average in my book, somewhere around “Survivor South Pacific”.

Still, no point complaining about the past, perhaps next season will be better! Now it’s time for my Christmas break, but I’ll see you in January for the announcement of the “Survivor Worlds Apart” cast.
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” Episode 12: Badass

Before it was known what the game of “Survivor” would become, the premise was assumed to be “survival of the fittest” in the classical sense of the term. Even after it was discovered that the show would focus more on “survival of the fittest” in the social sense of the term, the show still cast mainly hard-core survivalists, people who could withstand anything. At some point, it became less and less the case, and it wasn’t a bad thing. You don’t want the show to look too easy, and you generally want to go with the best characters, regardless of how much they may suck in the outdoors. However, this was a bit of a double-edged sword, as now quits and medical evacuations became much more common. Worst of all, some people were calling in medical and asking to leave for injuries that, at least to the audience, seem pretty minor (Dana Lambert from “Survivor Philippines” comes to mind). While it’s a tough game, and understandable that some people can’t hack it, to those of us who have tried and failed several times to get on the show, it seems really lame, if not insulting. Therefore, it’s very gratifying when we get a badass who tries everything in their power to prevent their exit, even if it means arguing with the medical team. The reason Russell Swan’s evacuation of “Survivor Samoa” is so memorable is not just because of how horrifying it was to see, but because of how hard the man thought not to be pulled from the game. Tonight, for better or for worse, we got another one of those moments. And it was glorious. Let’s dive right in.

So getting back from Tribal Council, there’s naturally a little bit of chaos over Natalie’s move to get out Alec instead of Keith, which I’m actually supportive now for reasons I’ll get into later. Regardless, at the time it still seems a bad move, but Jon’s alliance is now looking for every reason other than betrayal to figure out what went wrong. Jaclyn suggests that Alec might have voted for himself, proving once and for all that she knows nothing about the game, as voting for oneself is not allowed on the U.S. version of “Survivor”.

Quick interesting sidenote before we get back to gameplay analysis. Following the success of the U.S. “Survivor”, many other countries started producing their own versions of it, with their own twists. The gameplay and rules tend to be the same, with the notable exception of voting for yourself. Only in the U.S. version can a person not vote for themselves at Tribal Council. Every other version of the show allows people to vote for themselves, and very often, the first boot does vote for themselves. This has absolutely no bearing on the episode, just an odd disparity between versions. This concludes your quick, interesting sidenote.

No, the ACTUAL result from the last Tribal Council is that Natalie does the only sensible thing she can do to prevent her alliance from suspecting her betrayal: playing dumb. Now, I don’t mean this in a derogatory way, for once. Natalie turns things back on Jon and Jaclyn, lambasting them for not communicating enough with her, and claiming she thought she was supposed to vote for Alec in the first place. This is a fairly logical lie, and Natalie pulls it off beautifully, feigning confusion in the face of the vote very well. Baylor takes a potshot at Jon and Jaclyn for not recognizing Natalie’s lie, and while I do enjoy it when Jon and Jaclyn take potshots, I don’t think this is deserved. Natalie’s not going to be an Oscar nominee or anything, but she did a decent acting job, and coupled with a plausible lie, I’d call it a good one.

The next morning, Natalie proves that she can learn from the mistakes of her predecessors, specifically Reed. As his downfall was pretty much entirely due to Keith not being told exactly how to behave, Natalie goes up to Keith early the next morning, explains what she did, and tells him things are still good. We’ll get an even better scene of this later, but suffice to say, it’s a good idea on her part. Now let’s get to the reward challenge.

Just when you think the show is going to start a streak of actual individual reward challenges, they of course give us another team challenge. Come on, guys, it’s the LAST REWARD CHALLENGE OF THE SEASON! Give us some individual action! As if that wasn’t bad enough, this challenge is yet another generic obstacle course. Divided into teams of three, the contestants will go through a hay pile, then through a series of hitching posts, pick up a bucket of water, go over a teeter-totter, and pour their water into a bigger bucket. Once the bucket is full, a gate will lower, and then they must solve a basic puzzle. First team to put the puzzle together gets a spa day with food. Nothing here is exciting, most of it is reused, none of it is really difficult, and to top it all off, it’s not all that epic to hear Probst saying “They’re onto the teeter-totter”. Oh, for the days of battering rams.

The blue team consists of Keith, Missy, and Jon, while the orange team consists of Baylor, Natalie, and Jaclyn. Gee, I wonder who’s going to win this competition? In fairness, though, it’s a very close race, due to some smarts and some luck on the parts of Baylor, Natalie, and Jaclyn. They go through the side of the hay pile, rather than the middle which is denser, and get lucky (in one sense of the word) in that Missy twists her ankle badly jumping off the childish teeter-totter. But even her needing to be carried through the rest of the challenge does not slow down the blue team enough to steal victory, mostly due to the ladies bickering at the puzzle. Over what, I’m not sure, but they lose regardless.

Keeping with the whole “reward sacrifice” thing, Jon gives up his reward to Baylor, to “help solidify their alliance”. Plus, massages and manicures are for, like, girls and stuff! Don’t they give you cooties? Actually, I think Jon just wanted some alone time with Jaclyn, and it was definitely a bad move to give up the reward. There’s only so much solidifying you can do, man, you need your strength. Yes, maybe massages aren’t your thing, but these are massages WITH FOOD! Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’re a big threat, immunity would be really nice right now. Go, keep up your strength. People are gonna vote you out regardless, so just go all out.

Natalie in a clever move volunteers for Exile Island, in case there’s a new idol (there isn’t), and also makes it seem like she’s being nice to Jon and Jaclyn. The topic of discussion now turns to Missy’s ankle. Despite Missy needing to be carried everywhere, she protests so loudly that she doesn’t want medical that even Probst can’t bring himself to call them in. This is odd, because in more recent seasons, Probst has been very willing to call in medical, and forceful about doing so. For Missy to protest so much that she overrides PROBST is a real feat, good for her! Still, we’ll be getting more into the Missy love a bit later.

The reward itself is fairly uneventful, mostly just everybody exclaiming about how nice it is, and Keith cracking unfunny jokes (evidently this is just my night to disagree with everything Baylor says). We do get another shot of Missy’s ankle, though, just to reassure us that, yes indeed, it is obscenely swollen.

Slightly more unpleasant is Jon and Jaclyn having the camp to themselves. Or at least that’s how I thought it’d be, given how they’ve been prone to public displays of affection in the past. Thankfully this is not the case, and Jaclyn gives us the one bit of strategy we’re going to get before the immunity challenge. Yes, Jaclyn of all people is the one to suggest that Natalie might have sinister motives. I really don’t know what to think of Jaclyn anymore. One minute she seems to know nothing about the game, and merely trails pathetically after Jon, the next minute she makes an astute observation that Jon does not, and seems to have equal influence, and then the minute after that she’s back to being dumb, rinse and repeat. Still, she’s definitely in the right and Jon in the wrong on this one. Jon has fallen prey to the doom of many a “Survivor”: becoming too comfortable with your alliance. He wants to believe the best of Natalie, he really does, but he’s also blinding himself to the possibilities, which will ultimately lead to his downfall. Yes, I am giving away the result of this episode. The show doesn’t try to hide it, why should I?

If you thought the people on the reward had nothing to do… you were right, but Natalie comes in a close second. We get a bit of her whining about being without Nadiya for so long, as they’ve never been apart this long, and it’s just so hard, and for all that I’m enjoying Natalie more and more, it’s a sore spot. Don’t get me wrong, I understand missing your loved one out there, and perhaps there’s something to this twin connection that I do not get, but I feel the same way I felt about Julie complaining after the merge: it’s not that long of a time! Suck it up, people! If anything, it hurts a little more coming from Natalie, if only because I expected more out of her. On the plus side, rather than quit, Natalie at least uses these feelings to fuel her drive to win, so I guess it’s not TOO bad, all things considered. Not her finest moment, though.

Heading off to the immunity challenge, we actually get a slightly touching scene where those from the camp bring Natalie a bowl of rice. More importantly, however, we see that Missy, who requires stick crutches to make it to the challenge, is not fit for this challenge, which is a needlessly complicated endurance challenge, with emphasis put on the feet. As such, even Missy’s protests can no longer dissuade Probst from calling in medical. The prognosis isn’t good. Missy has a least a severe sprain, if not a broken bone, but there’s no way to know for sure without pulling her from the game. Her condition deteriorating over the course of two days is also not good. But here’s where I give Missy major props. In the era of quitting at little provocation, in the era of recruits, in the era of, for want of a better term, “wimpy” contestants, here we have someone arguing at every possible opportunity to stay in the game, willing to sacrifice anything to stay in. For all that I lambast people who give up over injuries, I think this one is severe enough that I couldn’t really blame Missy if she said she wanted out over it. That she was determined to stay in, even being willing to not participate in the immunity challenge for it, speaks to a strength of character I’m happy to see. Missy, whatever else I say about you (and believe me, it’s going to be BAD), you are a badass, and I’m very impressed. Good for you.

Luckily for everybody, medical decides that Missy’s ankle will not get worse over just four more days, and as long as they brace it, she can stay. This is good both because I’m happy to see Missy’s determination rewarded, and because it plays with expectations. Rarely do they advertise medical coming out and someone doesn’t get medevaced. Plus, with all the strategy built up this episode, it would have been an anticlimax. As it stands, we head off to the challenge itself, sans Missy, so I guess I should explain what it is in more detail. Contestants stand on a wooden plank, which is connected by another wooden plank to a wooden pole, on top of which is a vase. Movement on any part shakes the whole. When the vase falls, you’re out, last one standing wins. I won’t deny that this is an interesting challenge, but a bit complex, for once. When it comes to endurance challenges, I’m a fan of “Keep It Simple, Stupid”, and this does not follow that. Another thing: while I’m a fan of endurance challenges, we’ve had a LOT of them this season, and it’s getting old. Yes, I will still be mad if the final immunity challenge is not an endurance challenge, but that’s tradition. We could have cut back on them earlier, is what I’m saying.

The challenge comes down to Natalie and Jon, and thankfully Natalie wins, because otherwise the episode would have been boring. Jon gets an interview over everyone leaving the challenge, saying that everything’s in place, and Keith will go home tonight, which I’m SURE means Jon has NOTHING to worry about, and is in NO WAY going home tonight.

Shock of all shocks, Natalie sets in motion a plan to grid of Jon that night. Once again she learns from Reed’s mistake and coaches Keith on EXACTLY how to behave and what to say at Tribal Council. She then confers with Baylor, and they agree that they need to make sure either Jon or Jaclyn goes home that night. As such, they’ll split the vote, with Natalie and Keith voting for Jon, and Missy and Baylor voting for Jaclyn. This is why I actually now support Natalie keeping Keith rather than Alec, despite the fact that it was a risky blindside that seemed to gain her little. I doubt that Alec would have been ok with this plan, just because he’s not that bright. Granted, Keith isn’t too bright either, but he’s at least willing to strategize, and can do ok when the strategy is shoved under his nose (though you’d think his moustache would obscure it). If Keith wasn’t around, the vote could not be split, and everything would be ruined, or at least more of a risk. So yeah, I was wrong, Natalie’s flip was totally justified.

Even though the split vote is a smart move, there’s a hitch in it named Missy. Remember when I said I was going to say bad stuff about her? Yeah, that time is now. When Baylor broaches the subject, Missy flat-out refuses, on the grounds that she made a deal with Jon, and she’s loyal to the end. While I admit Baylor was a bit blunt with the strategy, and could have used more nuance, this is REALLY bad strategy from Missy’s part. Missy, you’ve stated before that you want to get to the end with Baylor and Natalie. This is not a bad idea. However, for that idea to work, at some point, Jon has to go. As all of you know, Jon has an idol, therefore, if you don’t get rid of him tonight, he’s safe until the final four. Even in a best-case scenario, when it’s you, Baylor, Natalie, and Jon at the final challenge, Jon has a good chance at winning the challenge, and by extension the game. I would have sympathy for trying to build the “loyalty narrative” for the end, but you kind of axed Jeremy a few votes ago. I think that ship has sailed. Better to play the “strategist” card. Just when you think there might be a slight chance at Jon not going home, Missy admits that despite her protestations she’s thinking of going with voting off Jon, if only for Baylor’s sake, and the world rights itself. The episode has been building up a big Jon blindside, there’s only one way it can end now.

This is probably one of the better Tribals of the season. Keith doesn’t even wait for Probst to ask him what he’s supposed to do being outside the alliance of 5, and just jumps right in with his answer. It seems like he might give the game away, being a bit overdramatic in saying how tight the alliance is, and suggesting that people use him for his vote, but it’s vague enough that I let it pass. We then get some discussion from the alliance about what happens when they need to turn on each other, ending with Jon giving the required ironic statement about how safe he feels. Well, I’m SURE this means he’s actually safe, and DEFINITELY sticking around.

Actually, the only real misstep in Tribal is the reading of the votes. Missy’s was the only one really in question, but we know she was supposed to vote for Jaclyn. Reading out Jaclyn’s name before Jon’s kind of gave away the ending, even more than the rest of the episode did.

You’d think I’d hate this episode for how obvious the outcome is, but it’s one of the better episodes of the season. Doesn’t quite beat out Josh’s boot, just because that one had more doubt as to whether or not it would succeed, but this one comes close. Despite the fact that anyone with a brain could see the outcome coming a mile away, it was a big power shift, which is fun to watch if it’s been earned, and this one was definitely earned. Sometimes the journey can outweigh the destination, and this episode, it did. It was fascinating to watch the mechanism leading to Jon’s demise work itself out, and Jon’s ironic statements about being safe were an added bonus. While he was one of the few more strategic minds this season, I don’t really mind seeing him go. He would have been a boring winner, and there’s just something about him that rubs me the wrong way. Still, good effort!

Before signing off, I want to make a quick note of something: not counting “Survivor Retrospectives”, this is the 100th post of “Idol Speculation”. While I certainly can’t say that my readership has skyrocketed or anything since I started this blog during “Survivor South Pacific”, it has gained at least a few readers, and it’s been a fun ride thus far. We’ve been through the good seasons, the bad seasons, and made fun of them alike, with some critical analysis thrown in. I like to think my writing has gotten better, and I certainly appreciate the show even more for doing this blog. For the few who read me, thank you very much for taking the time out of your busy schedules to listen to my knee-jerk opinion that you are entitled to. Here’s to 100 more blogs!

With that said, I do have some sad news. I’m going to visit some friends next week, and will accordingly be out of internet access for the finale of the show. As such, for the first time this season, my blog will be delayed. I hope to see the episode Friday or Saturday, and get the blog out then, but I’m afraid you’ll have to wait. Despite my love of “Survivor”, there are a few things more important to me than watching the show as it airs, and visiting old friends is one of them. Forgive my schedule slip, but I will be back for the finale as soon as possible!
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” Episode 11: Twice the Episode, Half the Intrigue

Back when “Survivor” first started, it seemed like they’d hit the magic numbers with all the show’s logistics. 16 castaways voted out in 3 day increments over a 39 day period fit nicely into 13 episodes (with the last episode cramming in an extra vote or two, of course). Unfortunately, as the show progressed, “Survivor” found that more people were quitting and/or getting medevaced, and so they needed to up the number of contestants so they would effectively have a few “spares”. The trouble was when nobody quit or got injured, you messed up the magic number. The solution was the double Tribal Council, a fairly innovative concept in which the immunity challenge was removed for an episode, and both tribes went to Tribal Council (or, in the case of a post-merge double Tribal Council, two people booted in rapid succession, with no reward challenge in between.), which produced some new ideas and a fair bit of drama. Then the number had to be upped again to 20 contestants, and having more double Tribal Councils seemed extreme. The solution then was to have a final 3 instead of a final 2. To say this was a bad idea is an understatement, but I’ve gone over time and again why I think the final 3 is a bad idea, so I’ll save you that rant. Now, however, “Survivor” has a NEW solution for us, namely that it combines two whole episodes into one slot, giving us a two hour extravaganza that really benefits the show in no way, save for sparring us some obvious boots. Frankly, I’d have split this into two separate episodes, and just premiered the show a week earlier, but perhaps that’s why I don’t get paid the big bucks. My point in all this is that a double-length episode is a bad idea, if for no other reason than it gives me a lot to cover. My recap and analysis may not be as detailed as previously seen on this blog, but fortunately not a lot happens in this episode, so I’m not too up the creek without a paddle.

Not too surprisingly, we start off this episode by Reed being mad at Keith for spoiling the Jon blindside from last episode. Reed does an excellent job explaining how stupid Keith’s move was, but there’s an even better demonstration. Just how stupid WAS Keith’s move? So stupid that ALEC of all people comments on what a stupid move it was. You know you’re stupid when…

But it’s not only Keith who can get in on the stupid move train. Right off the bat, we get the seeds of the foreshadowed Jaclyn and Jon conflict with their post-Tribal discussion. Jaclyn makes an offhanded comment thanking Natalie for telling Jon to play his idol, basically giving Natalie the (rightful) credit for Jon’s butt still being in the game. Once Natalie has left their presence, Jon gets on Jaclyn’s case, telling her that it needs to be HIS move so he looks good in front of the jury. Jaclyn, not too surprisingly, is a bit upset at this, since she ALSO claims to be involved in telling Jon to use his idol. Frankly, I didn’t see her do jack squat on that front, so I’m not fully convinced, but I do understand Jaclyn’s outrage from a different perspective. Jon basically talks as though he’s the only one of the pair who needs to be framed in a good light, essentially doing what Wes, Keith, and Alec did to Jaclyn to get them to flip with Jeremy’s alliance so many episodes ago. Admittedly, Jon does have the better chance of winning of the pair, but there’s no need to frame it so bluntly, and certainly no need to order your ally around like that. This outrage causes Jaclyn to suggest that maybe now SHE’LL play for the final three, and I hang my head in shame that we’re back to seasons where everybody doesn’t play to win from the beginning. I’ve given Jaclyn bits of credit here and there, but this is just pathetic, and much though I sympathize with her current dislike of Jon, her only NOW starting to really play just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

It does bring up a crazy idea that’s been bandied about since the start of the “Blood vs. Water” twist, however, one that I think may have been in play, and we just didn’t see it at all. Despite playing with family, “Survivor” is still an individual game, and thus only one of a pair effectively wins (it’s assumed loved ones will share prize money to a degree, but not in a game-colluding way). However, the problem with going to the end with a loved one is that while it maximizes the pair’s chances of being voted for, it can easily backfire. The assumption is that pairs generally play similar games to one another, and so a person likely to vote for one is just as likely to vote for another. I’m not 100% convinced that would happen, because of how relationship-building in the game works, but it’s a possibility to consider, and a lot of people act under that assumption. But getting back on track, it’s been theorized, as a result, that the smartest thing would be for two couples to go to the end, and then have one couple sacrifice it’s other half to prevent a tie vote. This leaves the other half of the couple able to exploit the splitting of the votes between the other couple, and take the win for themselves, not to mention putting a valuable advocate on the jury. With Jaclyn’s comments, I can’t help but wonder if Jon and Jaclyn had something like this in mind, presumably paired up with Missy and Baylor. Maybe I’m reading too much into things and it’s just fanfiction, but it’s a possibility worth considering.

But of course, we can’t have semi-strategic talk this season, so let’s head over to the reward challenge! Oh, wait, this reward challenge actually has strategy to it! RUN AWAY!

In all serious, this is one of my more favorite challenges to reuse, and not just because it’s the first reward challenge that’s actually individual this season. Though that is a bonus. Basically, everyone answers a series of questions. If they get a question right, they get to chop the rope of another person’s effigy. Once three ropes are cut, the effigy is smashed, and that person is out of the game. Last person left standing wins reward, in this case a horseback ride to barbeque. Very nice. As an added bonus, rather than the traditional questions asked, where the answers are the most popular option from what amounts to a slam book made by the contestants, it’s the return of the “How Well Do You Know Each Other” challenge that “Survivor” used to be known for, last seen, believe it or not, on “Survivor Marquesas”. Man, that’s old-school. The overarching mechanic itself was last seen in “Survivor One World”, and I have missed it. Apart from the effigy smashing being fun (admitted, the skulls this season border on generic, but the blood-like paint inside is a nice touch), I like that this challenge reveals the pecking order so blatantly, and it’s fun to see who is out for whom. It also gives very useful insight to those on the outside and the bottom of the alliance, though admittedly it’s more insightful if it’s done much EARLIER! Still, I’m happy to see this challenge back.

One person who I’m sure ISN’T happy to see it, though, is Jeff Probst. Probst has made his disdain for this challenge well known in the past, and it’s why the challenge is so rare these days. Probst considers the winner of the challenge a foregone conclusion, due to colluding amongst the contestants, and thus finds it boring. I can understand his frustration, but at the same time, it can provide fascinating insight, as I mentioned above, and is still beneficial to those on the bottom, leading to more unpredictable seasons. I, for one, want more of that.

Probst’s dislike of this challenge comes to a head, however, when this season’s group breaks tradition. As I said, there’s often colluding on this particular challenge, but as a formality, it’s usually done before getting to the challenge. This group, however, forgets to, and so once Reed, Alec, and Keith are predictably eliminated, they discuss who they want to win. This so infuriates Probst (man, I am using the word “infuriate” a lot this evening) that he loses his professional cool, yells at the contestants to stop the challenge, and just declares Missy the winner, thus meaning we miss out on interesting inter-alliance dynamics. Shame, Probst, shame. For a man who’s normally very collected and professional, he really dropped the ball on this one.

Thankfully, we still get some dynamics in play here, that they TRY to convince us will affect the rest of the episode. Missy has to send someone to Exile Island, and pick 2 people to join her on reward. Jon volunteers for Exile Island, and he gets sent, a no-brainer. He’s strong, so he should be weakened, and there’s probably a new idol out there, which you want to keep in your alliance. As for those to go with her, Missy first picks Baylor and then Natalie, which are both good choices. Some would argue that Missy should have taken Jaclyn rather than Baylor, as Baylor is Missy’s most loyal ally, and so doesn’t need that bond reaffirmed via reward. This is true, but I don’t think it hurts Missy to take Baylor. As they’re mother and daughter, everyone assumes emotion will override gameplay, so Missy will take Baylor, and no one will begrudge her that. Besides, Missy would look like kind of an ass if she denied her own daughter reward. Natalie is also a good call, as, like we’ve seen, Jaclyn rarely makes a move without Jon, whereas Natalie is technically a free agent, and more likely to flip if you don’t keep her happy. Better to take her on reward.

Reed is still trying to have a place in this game, though, and so can’t let this move go untalked about. Jaclyn admits that she’s a bit upset at not getting to go on the reward, so Reed jumps on it and says Missy, Baylor, and Natalie are the final 3. This makes Baylor give a retort, which Reed, presumably fed up, calls Baylor a brat. This incites the wrath of Missy, who tells Reed not to call her daughter a brat. Um, oh no? Forgive me for being underwhelmed, Missy, but “brat” is not too much of an insult, and in this instance, Baylor was in a sense rubbing her superiority in Reed’s face, so I’d say it’s kind of deserved. I know it’s not a nice thing to hear about you kid, but seriously, it could be worse.

Probst sends everybody off before things get worse, and we see that sure enough, Natalie wants this as a final 3. She claims she has a good shot at beating Missy and Baylor, which I would say is correct, though I’m proud of her for admitting that her perspective is biased and she could be dead wrong. Missy has made a few moves in this game, but isn’t very well-liked by the jury. Baylor, in contrast, is better-liked, but hasn’t done much, and there’s some guilt by association. Natalie could very well beat either of them. To cement the alliance, Natalie and Baylor tell Missy about the idol they found. Normally, I’d be mad at this, but there is logic to it if you want to cement a final 3 alliance, particularly since Missy has been so much on the Jon train thus far. Actually, my one complaint is that Missy only credits Baylor with finding the idol. I know she didn’t see it, and so has no way of knowing who found it, and it’s natural for parents to be biased towards their kids, but if anything, Natalie exclusively found the idol.

The tree then realize that Jaclyn is probably getting sweet-talked by Reed, Alec, and Keith, and so they’ll need to do damage control later. Sure enough, back at the camp, Jaclyn admits that she’s pissed, and so is more amenable to the arguments of the other side, particularly since they target Missy, arguably the other strategic mastermind of Jon’s alliance. I… don’t buy this at all. Jaclyn’s just putting too many qualifiers on it about how her emotions are, and I don’t think she’s independent enough at this point to really go without Jon. Missy getting voted out is not happening this vote. Still, she gets a new flirt-buddy in Alec, who despite protestations that he’s not here to flirt or date with anyone, talks a lot about dating and flirting with Jaclyn. Yeah, I don’t care how casual the new generation thinks some of this behavior is, to me, the way they were talking, was flirting. If I was Jon, I’d be a bit suspicious, particularly in this game.

Speaking of Jon, since the clue to the idol is once again so simple a five year old could solve it, Jon gets another idol. Moving on…

We head to the immunity challenge, and just to demonstrate how hard Exile Island was, Jon comes back with actual dirt lines on his face, the mere sight of which sends Mike Skupin (“Survivor The Australian Outback”) into conniptions. And speaking of Mike Skupin, the challenge today is one that he won on “Survivor Philippines”. Everybody was to roll a ball down a long paddle, and stick it in a notch at the end. The first person to stick all six balls wins. This is a reused challenge, but it’s not overdone, so I’m ok with it coming back every once in a while. As to the challenge itself, I loved it then, and I love it now. It’s difficult, but in a way that you don’t often see on “Survivor”, and it doesn’t naturally favor anyone. Add on to that an easy way to keep score and mess up with a lot of tension, and you’ve got what in my opinion is a good challenge.

Surprisingly, Keith of all people manages to pull out a victory, making him the only repeat immunity winner so far this season. I mean, I never though the guy was especially weak, but seriously, whodathunkit? Back at the camp, Jaclyn tries to fill Jon in on what happened at camp, and how they can flip the game again. Jon, however, is tired, and so rather rudely dismisses Jaclyn. This gets her pissed off at him, and so gives him the silent treatment for five hours straight. Jon tries a few times to make nice, but she’s not having it. Normally, I’d be on Jon to lay off in this scenario, but out on the island, five hours is a long time for the silent treatment between two allies, and so I actually completely understand his actions. Even worse, when Jaclyn tries to restart conversation, Jon is too pissed to talk to her, ruining any of Reed’s plans. So, maybe Jaclyn will vote without Jon! I… still don’t buy it. Yes, there is tension here, but really, this is just a couple’s spat, one that’s fairly easy to get over. People may need some time alone, but this was not nearly to the scale that was advertised, and I don’t for one second think that anyone but Reed is going home. Even when Reed tries to get Jon and Jaclyn talking again to propose his plan, and Jon winks at Reed when Natalie comes up, I don’t buy it. It would be a stupid move to flip anyway. While I admit for Jon and Jaclyn’s game, Missy probably needs to go at some point, Reed is more of a threat, and has been hanging on far too long. Much smarter to get rid of Reed.

Going into Tribal Council, there’s no doubt in my or anyone else’s mind that anyone but Reed is going home, particularly after Probst’s couple’s therapy at Tribal Council. As such, there’s no real need to discuss this Tribal Council, as it predictably ends in the death of Spider-Man. Despite my protestations, I am a bit sorry to see Reed go. By the end, he was an adequate strategist, and was one of the few people providing good strategy these past few episode. Shame he couldn’t have done so EARLIER IN THE SEASON!

Whew! Anyway, moving on to the next bit, I can’t help but get nostalgic for Natalie’s “Jeremy Revenge plotline she seemed to be starting after Jeremy’s boot. That was providing good strategy and drama as well. True, she’s still being strategic, and I admire how well she’s reassimilated into the alliance, but still, I can’t help but wonder where on earth that rage went.

Oh, wait, there it is, as Natalie admits that she hasn’t forgotten, and is instead waiting for the right moment to strike Jon. I approve of this. A good “Survivor” move is a good “Survivor” move, but you need to wait for the right moment to use it, or you’re pretty well doomed. This is a much better time to do it. Besides being an odd number, you’ve now got a solid sub alliance within a main alliance that can ensure you maintain power in a flip. No downside!

That will all have to wait, however, as we’ve got our second reward challenge to get to! It never ceases to amaze me how many different sadistic endurance challenges “Survivor” can come up with. In this one, people stand on a wooden block, so small they must put one foot on top of the other, while using a rolling pin to hold up a ball against a piece of wood. If the ball falls, they’re out, last person left wins a comfy bed for the night, along with an Italian meal. Not bad for this late in the game, if I do say so myself.

After a tough battle, Natalie wins, sends Alex to Exile Island, and picks Jaclyn and Jon to join her on reward. Missy and Baylor seem pissed, but they’re not THAT stupid. Surely they can see that Jon and Jaclyn need reassurance, and so it’s better to make them think Natalie favors them over you? Maybe I’m just asking too much this season.

On the reward, Natalie once again proposes strategy talk, but Jon shoots it down in favor of MORE reminiscing about his dad! Seriously, I sympathize with the guy, but it’s getting really old really fast. It’s especially bad for Natalie, who says Jon just LOVES to brag about how good he is with wine. One can only imagine. Natalie gets her strategic comeuppance, however, when Jon decides he trusts her enough to reveal that he has an idol (having revealed it to Missy earlier). Natalie is happy that he trusts her, but is still looking for a chance to get Jon out.

Her chance seems to come the next day. People are particularly pissed about this reward since it happened right in front of them, but Natalie seems to avoid the flak by being apologetic, and getting up promptly and working. Jon and Jaclyn, by contrast, sleep late, and then get up only to take a nap in the shelter again. This gets everyone talking about how lazy and entitled Jon and Jaclyn are, and I cheer that someone finally understands my pain. This makes Natalie bring up to Baylor the possibility of voting out Jon, which she seems on board with, though they agree not to involve Missy, since she’s so tight with Jon. Instead, they’ll get Keith and Alec on board. Like I said earlier, this is a good plan. It’s late enough that moves have to be made, once Jon is gone Missy will probably join back up, and Keith and Alec are not smart enough to be threats against you. No downside.

In this episode’s tradition of reusing challenges, we hearken back to the first “Survivor Blood vs Water”. The contestants must walk backwards while holding a rope to keep a platform level, placing blocks on that platform one at a time. Said blocks must be gotten from increasingly further away pedestals. Each time a block or blocks fall over, you must put back any block you were bringing and reset. First person to have all 10 blocks stacked wins immunity. While not the most visually interesting challenge, I like it. It has a nice dichotomy of precision and speed, and it’s fairly different from what you usually see. In fact, the only thing I dislike about it is that Jon wins, meaning that everything in the second half of the episode so far has been entirely pointless.

Well, now that the INTERESTING plan is off the table, we’ll have to look elsewhere for our misdirection for the episode. As usual, a split vote comes to the rescue. On the off-chance that Keith or Alec has an idol, Jon, Jaclyn, and Natalie will vote for Keith, and Missy and Baylor for Alec. With her main target gone, and it being foolish for Natalie to try and vote Jaclyn out (this would incur the wrath of Jon, who has an idol) we get our misdirection in Natalie talking to Keith, and agreeing that he’s a valuable ally, as he is the most likely person left to beat Jon at immunity. Thus, she might change her vote to Alec (Keith and Alec having given up, and are thus going to vote for one another). This is actually good misdirection, as I don’t know what the move will be, but the problem is it’s pointless. The outcome is roughly the same either way, and there will be no shakeup this episode, which is highly disappointing for a two-hour extravaganza. Admittedly, it is slightly better for Natalie to stick with the plan and vote Keith off, since disobeying Jon could make him suspicious, and thus harder to vote out, but overall, there’s not much of an outcome to be invested in.

Natalie actually makes a few slip-ups at Tribal Council, which seems out of character. She actually admits that there’s more to the alliance than straight elimination, and Jon and Jaclyn look suspicious. Still, Natalie says that for now the alliance will stick together, and everyone seems satisfied. But more importantly a RAT runs through Tribal Council, scaring everyone! And yet Probst STILL manages to make it a metaphor for the game! Come on, man, let a rat be a rat!

To make a long blog slightly shorter, Alec goes home, and nothing of value was lost. As I said earlier, I think it’s the wrong move, as it shocked Missy, Jaclyn, and Jon, but not game ending. Still, it can’t be denied that this episode was lackluster. Nothing really happened of any consequence, there was no misdirection to speak of in the first Tribal Council, and at the second one, it was irrelevant what happened. Not a good way to do your episodes.

Oh, well, every season needs to have a FEW episodes with predictable votes, I guess. Perhaps Jon can be eliminated next week.
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” Episode 9: Talk without Action, Action without Talk

In many ways, “Survivor” is similar to the reward challenge of this evening, in and of that it is all about balance. You need to balance keeping in enough strong people to help with challenges early on, but also enough weak people so you can beat them later on. You need to balance how likeable you are, so people will want to vote for you in the end, with how unlikeable you are, so that people will actually want to take you to the end. The same is true of “Survivor” editing. While I always rail against episodes where I can see the outcome a mile away, even I admit that you need to post at least SOME evidence for the person going home, so that it feels earned. The trick is to balance it out with another plausible scenario, so that we don’t necessarily see the outcome coming. This episode does not do that. What this episode does do is keep us pretty much in the dark about the outcome the entire time. And while this may be better strategically, and it may make for a blindside of the person as well as the audience, it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Yeah, I’m not happy this blog. You guys are in for a treat.

One nice thing I will say about this episode, and this season overall, is that we haven’t had very much whining over the outcome of votes. We’ve had frustration, sure, that’s to be expected, but nobody’s having a pity party, and virtually nobody gives up. Reed, now having no Neil Patrick Harris to hide behind, continues this trend, and actually steps up for the first time in nine episodes. While he admits that he’s “furious” over the eviction of Neil Patrick Harris, and that his back is up against the wall, he’s not going down without a fight. Normally this heralds an exemplary episode, but as we’ll see, there are even ways to ruin the underdog. Jon, meanwhile, clarifies that the real reason he flipped was due to how the Neil Patrick Harris alliance was treating Jaclyn, a theme that will continue throughout the episode, or at least Tribal Council. It makes Jon look like more of an idiot than I was giving him credit for, and as I like looking for reasons to dislike Jon, I’m ok with this.

As I mentioned last blog, Keith seems to flip-flop between strategically ok, and downright stupid. From the get-go, we see that this is going to be an “ok Keith” episode, as he notes right away that he’s in trouble, and talks about how he might tell people to vote for himself, and accordingly use his idol. Not a bad strategy, and when you’re down by a slim, rarely tested majority, a blindside via idol can cause just the chaos you need to get back in the game. Mind you, I don’t think Keith is so smart that he can take advantage of such an opportunity, but it’s the genesis of a good idea, and on this season, I’ll take what I can get.

For some reason, this episode feels the need to be incredibly economical about its time, and so we jump straight to the reward challenge. Divided into teams of five, one person from each team at a time will square off on a swinging 2×4, attempting to push the other in the mud. Last person standing scores a point for their team, first team with five points wins a cruise with sandwiches and beverages of various sorts. This is an oldie but a goodie, hailing all the way back from “Survivor The Australian Outback”, and while it has seen some similar incarnations over the years, it’s physical, it’s a bit out there, it gets people messy, I like it a lot. Only one aspect sullies it for me: it’s ANOTHER damn team challenge! Look, I know I’ve said in the past that challenges after the merge suffer from a lack of scale, but that doesn’t mean you need to make EVERY reward challenge after the merge an arbitrary team challenge. Give people the opportunity to take who they want on reward, and thereby screw themselves over. Let us see who amongst the people is the strongest, that they might be targets. I’m not saying get rid of team challenges post-merge entirely, of course, but we need more individual challenges that are actually individual challenges, and find ways to give them the scale they deserve.

Anyway, as to the challenge teams themselves, the blue team consists of Wes, Keith, Jon, Jaclyn, and Missy, while the orange team (I refute Probst’s assertion that the color is “yellow”) consists of Jeremy, Natalie, Baylor, Alec, and Reed. A bit more evenly matched this time around, and it makes for an exciting challenge. I give the orange team the edge, if only due to Jaclyn not being on their team. Sure enough, it comes down to a 4-4 tie between the teams, but Baylor pulls it out for the orange team against her mother, which of course Probst just HAS to play up, since it’s a “Blood vs. Water” season, and it’s not like this is a competition where this sort of thing shouldn’t be a big deal.

However, for once it’s very easy to ignore Probst’s failed attempts at drama, because this cast gives us a moment of actual drama. Exploiting a rarely-used rule, Natalie volunteers as tribute… I mean gives up her reward to the other team. From her phrasing, I at first think she’s speaking for the entire orange team, and I think “What are you, NUTS? You’d piss off so many people with that.” Thankfully, Natalie clarifies that she’s more sensible than that, and merely wants to give up her own spot on the reward to Jon, as a reward for his loyalty. Jeremy quickly follows suit, and offers to give up his spot to Jaclyn. Both accept and seem grateful, and to Natalie’s credit (as she did it first, I consider it her move rather than Jeremy’s, though it may have been talked about beforehand), it seems like a good move overall. As I mentioned earlier, the alliance that dominates at the moment is still a bit shaky, and this is a good way to help firm up the bond. However, I would also point out that it’s a bit of a risk. Reed, the one member of the minority with a brain, is ALSO going on the reward, and you’re leaving Jon and Jaclyn alone with HIM? Alec and Baylor are there as well, it’s true, but Alec’s also in the minority, and Baylor has shown almost no incentive to make moves on her own. You think either of them will stop Reed planting ideas in their heads? Given how pissed Jon seemed about Jaclyn’s treatment, I’m still calling it a good move overall, but a bit risky.

Making this move also puts Jeremy and Natalie in the Exile Island pool, and sure enough, Jeremy gets sent, a move I am fairly positive about. While Jon and Jaclyn both know there’s no idol to be found, they don’t want to let on that they have it at this stage, so they need to seem like they’re trying to keep any idols in their alliance. If you include his strength as a factor, Jeremy is the perfect choice to send to Exile, and he seems to whether the decision well.

Back at camp, Keith and Wes both reaffirm that they’re pretty well up the creek without a paddle, but fortunately we do get a good bit of strategy out of it. Playing things more subtly than I would have thought possible for them, Keith and Wes both ask Natalie if they can just be told if it’s their time. It’s played off like a pity thing, but the implicit statement is that they’ll be grateful to Natalie if she does, and therefore they may be inclined to vote for her at the end. For Wes and Keith, however, it gives them more security with their idol, and this threat is why Natalie really shouldn’t tell them everything. Unfortunately, Natalie lets slip that Reed is the next target, and while it’s not a game-breaking move, it’s not the best. I understand why she wouldn’t suspect such a ruse, as Keith doesn’t seem capable of thinking like that, but still, better to play close to the chest if you can.

Jeremy’s first bit of stay at Exile Island is uneventful, pretty much reiterating Natalie’s strategic ideas. However, we do get a funny bit where the yacht Jeremy should have been on cruises right by Exile Island. Taking this as a transition, we switch over to said yacht, where sure enough, my fears at least seem to be realized. Reed points out via confessional that Natalie’s and Jeremy’s giving up of the reward wins them a lot of brownie points, jury-wise, and people need to consider that. Now, I’d argue that it’s less of the case as Jon and Jaclyn are the only ones who could be particularly happy with that move, but it’s not a bad argument to make, and done with the right wording and subtlety, could be a real intriguing game-moment. Let’s take a look at what I’m sure is a fascinating conversation between Reed, Jon, and Jaclyn.

Wait, there must be some mistake, we seem to be back at Exile Island. Where’s the great strategy we were promised from Reed? Look, I like Exile Island a lot more than other people seem to, but even I admit I’d rather have strategy talk than showing the obvious suffering that is Exile Island, which is all we’re getting from Jeremy. What’s the deal, show? You can’t just show talk and then have no action surrounding it. That’s not how good foreshadowing works. You need both the talk and the outcome to make for good strategy.

Whatever, here is where the shows problems begin. At least there’s more of a point to this Exile Island showing than previously indicated. Now we actually get evidence of Jeremy’s looking for the idol, and as he’s not an idiot, he too is drawn to the giant promontory of Exile Island. Finding nothing after two days of searching, he concludes correctly that Jon has the idol, and is not happy that Jon has not told him. At the same time, back at camp, Jon reaches the same conclusion, and discusses with Jaclyn how, since Jeremy is so trusted, he could easily blow their whole idol operation wide open. Once again, very fair strategy talk, and could make for some interesting choices. Do they discuss their options about what to do? You give this episode too much credit! No, we have an immunity challenge to get to!

While it’s not strategy talk, the challenge itself is very exciting, particularly given the fact that it’s AN ORIGINAL CHALLENGE THAT’S FUN TO WATCH! SERIOUSLY! Basically, each person has to untie a rope that’s holding a bundle of blocks to dump said blocks into a basket. Having done so, the blocks must be stacked into a three-tiered structure, and then a small flag must be placed in the middle. The first person to complete the structure, flag and all, wins immunity. Sounds pretty simple and boring, right? But there’s a catch. All these tasks must be done, using only the feet. A novel concept! And no, that’s not sarcasm, I’m all for that mechanic. Taking a simple task and making it complex with one small wrinkle, that’s a GREAT individual challenge idea. And while the structure itself is small, the focus on the intricacies of building it gets us focused on the challenge and gives us a great sense of scale. If you can’t go for the full big scale, go extremely small scale, that’s an excellent solution to the individual challenge scale problem I discussed earlier. And for once, Probst’s statement that this is a “Survivor” first is actually CORRECT! I know, right, who would have guessed? Figures the one time they DON’T play up a “Survivor” first, it’s actually legit.

Of course, being a person on the internet, I cannot be this positive, and I actually do have two nitpicks with this challenge. The first is the proper name, which is “The Game is Afoot”. Not that the name itself is bad, of course. No, I’m all for bad puns, and the name fits here. No, my problem is that Probst, during the challenge preview, attributes the quote to TarZAN of “Survivor One World”. Have you never heard of “Sherlock Holmes”, Probst? Is your cultural knowledge COMPLETELY limited to just the world of “Survivor”. So, instead of having your challenge name be attributed to one of the greatest sleuths of all time, you have it attributed to guy most well remembered for ranting about his soiled undergarments. Classy. My other problem is not with the challenge itself, but with the end result. As with most challenges, it comes down to a race between a few people, in this case Baylor and Reed. Now, this WOULD be a good buildup of tension, casting doubt about whether or not the main target of the evening would be safe or not, except that the previews already SHOWED us that Reed is going to do desperate things, things he wouldn’t do if he was safe. Thus, the outcome becomes a forgone conclusion.

Sure enough, Baylor wins, and so Reed resorts to his aforementioned desperate measures. Despite calling it “scummy”, he searches through Keith’s bag, and finds the list of rules relating to the idol. He then blows this news to Missy and Natalie, hoping they’ll go for Keith instead of him. There’s some talk about it, but Keith once again displays that he isn’t ALWAYS an idiot by realizing his bag was searched, and that people probably already know he has an idol, so he might play it tonight. Pretty ho-hum misdirection, and while we do get a mix of talk and action here, it’s downplayed from what we were promised, and so I feel disappointed.

Still, there’s one more small bit that needs to be addressed. Following what could liberally be called a confrontation between Jon and Jeremy, Jon decides he needs to do something about Jeremy and his knowledge of the idol. In what is a fairly smart move, he comes clean to Missy about it before Jeremy has a chance to make a liar out of him. Jon says this cements their trust, and that they need to take Jeremy out in the next council or two, before he does real damage. Missy seems to agree, but having been allied with Jeremy for so long, plus the idol being so powerful, makes her wary. Still, this is decent enough strategy on Jon’s part, I guess, and it’s good setup for the future. Of course, we’ve gotten almost no hints about this until the last second before Tribal Council, so there’s no way it’s going to amount to anything just yet. Mainly it’s planning for the future. Besides, if Jeremy WERE to leave this episode, this would make the first two-thirds of the episode pretty much entirely pointless. But, of course, the editors wouldn’t be so stupid as to do THAT, would they? HINT, HINT!

Admittedly, Tribal is actually a pretty contentious affair. It starts out calm, with Jeremy and Natalie discussing giving Jon and Jaclyn their reward, but quickly turns sour with Reed pointing out how there might have been an ulterior motive. This somehow segways into talk of where the idol might be, and how Wes and Keith are on the outs. Proving once again that Keith can’t be smart for the duration of a whole episode, he gets embroiled with a pointless argument about who comes to who for strategy with Jon and Jaclyn. Way to alienate the people who’re deciding when you go home, guys!

So, every bit of evidence at this point indicates nothing but an average Tribal. Now let’s see if Keith or Reed goes home. There’s benefits to both. Keith’s idol makes him a threat, not to mention the fact that people are underestimating him. However, Reed is overall more strategic and more physical. Take him away, and the minority has virtually no brain. Not sure if there’s a wrong move here. Ah, I see Probst has the results, and it looks like Jeremy is going home, just as we all… WAIT, WHAT?

Yep, say goodbye to good strategy, folks, our last hope has just had his torch snuffed. Jeremy has gone home, and I am INCREDIBLY unhappy. Apart from Jeremy being my personal favorite of the season, and apart from him being the only real exemplary strategist left in the game, this really just did not feel earned. I’ll admit I didn’t see it coming, but that’s because there was almost no evidence for it coming, and so it didn’t feel earned. One of the titans of the season was downed by players I consider to be on the low end of average at best, and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Really, the only good strategy people left are Natalie, Missy, and Reed, and of these, Natalie doesn’t seem to have much of a chance at this point, and Missy and Reed haven’t been playing the game until recently. Not the sort of people you want to see go far.

Putting aside my personal feelings for the moment, however, I can’t deny that this was a good move. As it stood at the start of this episode, Jeremy was going to win everything. Anyone else needed to take him out, and now they’ve done so, thereby improving pretty much everyone’s chances at the win. For Missy, Baylor, Jon, and Jaclyn, a major threat is gone, while for Reed, Alec, Wes, and Keith, the dominant alliance is once again all shook up. Natalie is really the only one who suffers, which stinks, because she’s about the only person I can, in good conscience, root for at this point.

Yeah, this episode really rubs me the wrong way. Whereas you want to see at least a few strategists make it far, this season has the problem of “Survivor Nicaragua”, where we’re getting the strategic titans out far too early. This makes for unpredictable episodes, to be sure, and on some level I’m glad this won’t just be straight alliance lines voting for the next few episodes, but also makes for an unsatisfying conclusion, which every season really needs. Think about it: do you really want anyone left to win? Apart from Natalie, who is about the ONLY person left for whom the argument could be made that she played from the beginning (it’s possible Coyopa simply overshadowed her), not really.

But before I sign off completely, let’s talk about one person who I now think is getting the winner’s edit, and who sickens me to my core: Jon. Now, I’ll admit, Jon has made some decent strategic moves, getting out the power players and maintaining the swing vote position so he can be in charge. Why do I still not consider him a good strategist? He didn’t earn it. I’m not saying you have to play the game from the beginning, but Jon entered this game with no clue what to do, and no whole game plan. It was only by very lucky circumstances that he got in a power position. While I’m not trying to belittle that sort of circumstance, as it’s endemic to the game of “Survivor”, it really feels like Jon is just playing as he goes, and not in the entertaining way that Tony Vlachos (“Survivor Cagayan”) did. He comes off as a pretty boy who thinks he’s really smart, but is really only just average, and we had to sacrifice good players for HIM? Say what you will about Josh and Jeremy, they LOVED the game, and they studied it hard. Jon, from what I’ve seen, is someone they brought in as the good-looking guy, and largely by luck, is not in the lead. They’re playing him up so sympathetically, and so strategic, that I think he’ll win, and it will be a disaster. Jon is not a good winner. He’s a guy who just one day decided it would be good to play “Survivor”, and his continued existence, and especially his dominance, is an insult to all those who love the game. Not a Julie McGee level of insult, by any means, but an insult none the less. The best comparison I can make is to Benry from “Survivor Nicaragua”, a guy of limited intellect who somehow manages to continue his game existence while good players drop left and right. You know how many Benry fans there are out there? Neither do I, but it’s definitely a single-digit number. We don’t want this guy winning. Not at all.

Significantly less excited for this season now there’s really no one to watch, but I’ve been wrong before. We’ll see if next episode can prove me wrong again.

-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan Del Sur” Episode 8: Whoever Smelt It, Dealt It

Being obsessed with “Survivor”, and being a psychology major, it’s only natural that, thanks to my loving parents, I have acquired a book entitled The Psychology of “Survivor”. Said book is really a collection of psychological essays about “Survivor” (there’s a shock), which actually cover a broad scope of psychological topics. One of the earlier essays discusses why the show’s ratings took a steep decline following “Survivor The Amazon”, and proposes that it’s because this was the point where, thanks to Rob Cesternino, people no longer had to worry about the stigma of flip-flopping. In short, the morality is cut out of the show, and thus there are no more psychological dilemmas to get invested in. While I think they may have a point, I feel they overstate their case, and also that it’s not entirely gone. This episode is a prime example of such a time, as a good strategic move is caused, fairly directly, by morality. But this intro isn’t nearly long enough! There’s no “Top 5 and Bottom 5” list for this week, so how are we going to make this blog obscenely long? Why, with another rendition of…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Yes, last week I was so caught up with dissecting just how horrible the new tribe name is that I forgot to comment on the OTHER new aesthetic aspect of the merge. Namely, I forgot to talk about the new Immunity Idol. It’s ok, I guess. I like the face it has on the front, and unlike a lot of past idols, I think I could remember it well, and connect it easily to the season. Really, the reason I don’t love it is all the holes. Maybe it’s just me, but the idols feel a lot grander when they’re larger. Small idols, or idols taken up with a lot of blank space like this one, don’t do it for me. Still, a solid effort, and I’ll happily let it pass.

This episode tries to get in my good graces from the beginning, by having everybody badmouth Julie, and deservedly so. Missy in particular is stung by Julie’s leaving, since Missy is one of the few people in this game who’s conscious about alliance numbers. Thankfully, Missy can do basic math, and realizes that her alliance still has the numbers, assuming Jon and Jaclyn are being truthful. Of course, this means we have to cut to Jon and Jaclyn talking about how they’re itching for a Tribal Council, because we didn’t just hear THAT from everyone else earlier! Actually, I should say we cut to Jon talking about how they were going to vote out Jeremy, since Jaclyn has shown time and again to have no agency and no brain in this pairing, and so she might just as well be counted as an extension of Jon…

Wait, did Jaclyn just make a point? And not just that, a point that’s well-thought-out and relevant to the game? I believe she did! Yes, in a pleasant surprise Jaclyn actually puts her oar into the strategic talk this time, and we find out she’s not half-bad at it, either. When Jon comments that it’s good to take out Jeremy since he’s the head of the alliance, Jaclyn rightly points out that Reed and Neil Patrick Harris are in the EXACT SAME POSITION on the other side. This episode was marketed as “people strategizing over social rather than strategic reasoning”, but here, out of the blue, and honest-to-goodness debate, counter arguments and everything. Jon does shut Jaclyn down fairly quickly, saying that Reed and Neil Patrick Harris don’t want them gone like Jeremy does. I would point out that while Jeremy may WANT you out, assuming alliances hold to the end, Reed and Neil Patrick Harris are the ones who have the MEANS to get you out, but that’s going to come later. Jaclyn takes the shutdown fairly well, and while I was pissed about it at the time, Jaclyn more than makes up for it later.

Challenge Time. Today’s reward challenge, much like the immunity challenge, is a reused one, but it’s actually one we don’t see too often. It basically takes the first half of the immunity challenge from “Survivor Redemption Island”, and makes it a challenge in and of itself. Divided into teams of five, the contestants load heavy puzzle pieces onto a platform, which they must then push to the other end of track. Once all the pieces are there and unloaded, the contestants must assemble a puzzle in the form of a pyramid. This pyramid is then used as a staircase to reach up and unlock a bust, which the contestants must then haul up a ramp. First group of contestants to get their bust to the top wins a taco smorgasbord, and sends one person to Exile Island. While I don’t like team challenges post-merge, it does solve the problem of a loss of scale in the individual phase of the game, and I cannot deny that it works here. It’s a big, memorable challenge with a lot of fun elements we haven’t seen in a while. I particularly like using the puzzle as a staircase, as it’s something we rarely see on this show, apart from, you know, the times where the puzzle actually IS a ladder or staircase.

The orange team is made up of Jeremy, Natalie, Reed, Wes, and Keith, while the blue team is made up of Jon, Alec, Jaclyn, Baylor, and Neil Patrick Harris. Missy is chosen to sit out, which seems odd to me. Yeah, she is older, but she’s shown to be decent in the challenges, more so than either Jaclyn or Baylor, I’d say. But in any case, with regards to the teams: One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn’t belong. Yeah, nothing against the blue team, but in both brains and brawn, they’re way outclassed. They put in a nice effort, I’ll give them that. They did make it very close. However, the orange team wins, and ultimately decides to send Jon to Exile Island, on the grounds that he hasn’t been yet and that he’s strong enough to handle it. A fair justification, and Jon seems to take it well, so no harm done. What’s unspoken is the fact that Jon is the swing vote, and so both sides can claim sending him to Exile, and thereby the possibility of an immunity idol, was strategy.

This reward hits a lot of sour notes, both figuratively and literally. In terms of the figurative, it’s just boring. As Reed rightly points out, the team is split right down the middle in terms of alliances, so there’s no strategic talk that could have made everything more interesting. Keith tries to work some deception, saying that had they gone to Tribal Council after Julie’s departure, he doesn’t know how they’d have voted, but nobody buys it. I particularly like Jeremy’s look of “I’m SURROUNDED by idiots.” during the whole thing. The other figurative sour note is the fact that the spirit of Sabrina Thompson (“Survivor One World”) lives on in this game, as they insist upon calling their victory a “W”. Is this just something I’ve never heard of? To me, calling a win a “W” just sounds stupid and forcefully hip. I could go the rest of my like without hearing that colloquialism and never miss anything. As to the LITERAL sour notes, well, the producers needed to fill the time with SOMETHING, so we get to hear about Wes’ gastrointestinal difficulties. We also get to HEAR said gastrointestinal difficulties, as the influx of beans has Wes burping and farting all over the place, somewhat to the embarrassment of Keith. This, instead of good strategy. That last bit of episode I’ve been building up better be worth it.

Thankfully, things are a little more strategic back at the camp. Neil Patrick Harris is sad, because evidently he really likes tacos, but admits that now he can have the strategy talk that he wanted. Despite the utter failure of this line of argument last episode, Neil Patrick Harris is still not ready to give up on getting Baylor on his side, and so once again lays the guilt trip card on her. Ok, while Neil Patrick Harris is in the top echelon of strategists this season, he does have a major flaw: he makes the same arguments over and over, and expects them to have different results each time. That’s no how it works. You can restate your old arguments, certainly, but you ought to have some new ones as well, or at least have a new spin on the old arguments. But no, Neil Patrick Harris gives Baylor the same argument, almost word-for-word, and, shock of all shocks, gets the same result. In fact, this may even have been a net LOSS for him, as Baylor is now really on board with voting him off. “I think he might be blackmailing me.” she says. NO! Really? Surely not! Neil Patrick Harris says that now Baylor has moved up on the elimination list, though of course Jeremy is still the number one target. This means that either plotlines are being set up for later, in which case the episode itself is a bit of a bore, or else that Jeremy becomes unavailable as a target, making the interview relevant to the episode, but also eliminating all tension from the immunity challenge.

Well, perhaps something more interesting is happening at Exile Island. Jon arrives, and talks about how he doesn’t want people to think he’s controlling Jaclyn, and that people should know they’re an equal partnership. And you’re doing a bang up job of it thus far, Jon! Ok, I know that he does get a lot better about this later, and doesn’t just strongarm Jaclyn like he has in the past, but at the time, Jaclyn really seemed to have no agency, one counterargument that she didn’t argue too strongly notwithstanding. Also, if you’re trying to win the game, wouldn’t you WANT the person with you at the end to seem like a tagalong? I’m just saying, it makes it easier to beat them.

Interviews to avoid looking like a sexist jerk out of the way, Jon moves on to the idol clue, which, since it does not say “Back at your camp” indicates that the idol is somewhere on Exile Island. The clues indicate it’s somewhere near the waterline, and a “double-edged sword” line tells Jon it’s probably somewhere on the promontory of Exile Island. That, and the fact that idols are nearly always hidden by some major landmark so that people actually have a chance at finding them. Still, I’ll give Jon credit where credit is due, he did do a good job of figuring out the clues, and after a decently long while searching, manages to find the idol.

For once, this season DOESN’T give us the promised scenes all of 10 seconds into the show. No, they’ve waited until now, at about the halfway mark, to finally get to the sexism story line. With everyone back from reward (though Jon is still on Exile Island), we get to see Alec, Wes, and Keith generally living high on the hog, as well as Wes continuing his gaseous emissions from earlier. However, Jeremy says that while he understands their behavior, there’s a time and place for it. And evidently, a deserted island off the coast of Nicaragua is not such a place. While I think that the reaction to these guy’s behavior is a bit overblown, as a lot of it comes from Alec, and could just be seen as easygoing teasing, it can’t be denied that they’re kind of being jerks, overall leaving the women out of the conversation, and telling them to go do things in an impolite manner. Baylor in particular is on the receiving end of the jerkish behavior, as she seems to do the least around camp. To be fair, we don’t see her working all that hard, but still, guys, there’s a polite way to do these things.

The whole “sexism” storyline comes to a head when Keith and Alec ask the women to watch the fire, and quip loudly as they leave that Natalie will do it, but they’re not sure about Baylor and Jaclyn. Evidently, the guys think the women won’t care about these sorts of comments. Unfortunately for the guys, they do care, and Jaclyn in particular realizes that without Jon around, the alliance will not take her seriously, and gives her more doubts as whether this is the right alliance. Not the most strategic of reasons to question one’s alliance, but it is logical, and if it makes Jon and Jaclyn make the right move, I’m all for it.

Last season, Probst, questioning whether memory challenges were really hard enough, asked people via twitter whether they wanted to see such challenges stick around. Unfortunately, people said yes, and so this immunity challenge is a boring “remember the symbols one at a time in the proper order” challenge, that’s way too easy, no fun to watch, and just needs to go away forever. The one upside in all this is that the challenge comes down to Jeremy and Neil Patrick Harris, the two people who are up for elimination today. This adds a bit of drama, but overall the challenge falls flat, particularly when Jeremy’s eventual victory was so obviously foreshadowed earlier with the Baylor talk.

After the challenge, the Neil Patrick Harris alliance wastes no time in agreeing that Baylor needs to go. They tip Jon off, assuming he’ll tip Jaclyn off, and Jon seems on board. Jaclyn, however, greatly steps up in my estimation by actually standing up and trying to be an equal partner in the alliance. She brings up how she was treated while Jon was away, and while I’m sad that she frames it more emotionally than strategically, she does make a fair point, and it does rattle Jon on a visceral level. Jon, however, is trying to play with his head rather than his heart, but this time Jaclyn is ready for his counters with one of her own, pointing out that overall, the Neil Patrick Harris alliance is physically stronger, and therefore more threatening to Jon as an alliance. When Jon points out the Jeremy is both a challenge and a finals threat, Jaclyn argues, rightly, that Jeremy is only one man, versus the five men (apart from Jon) in the Neil Patrick Harris alliance. Jon seems unconvinced, though his confessionals are more unsure than they are now. While it’s not Jaclyn being particularly assertive, she is working herself into the strategy, and pretty decent strategy to boot. While I doubt she’ll be a stand-out character of the season, I am happy that Jaclyn’s now rising to give us something.

Still, Jon’s probably going to need some extra push to go against the Neil Patrick Harris alliance. Enter Keith Nale. I’m not sure what to make of the man. Sometimes he’s fairly smart, sometimes he’s stupid. He made a good point early after the challenge about checking up with Jon and Jaclyn, but then does stupid things like what we see here. As he goes to the well with Missy and Jeremy, he comments on how Baylor is doing nothing, needs to be voted out, and just badmouths her in general. This is not a bad idea if you’re trying to get people on your side, but at this point, you have the majority, so there’s no need, and you only arouse the anger of Missy by talking bad about her daughter. Case in point, after Missy relays this information, and after it becomes clear that Jon and Jaclyn are known by everyone to be the swing votes but no one can do anything about it, Baylor orders her mom to talk to Jon again. One small negative point on this episode: Baylor really comes off as useless. She’s honestly not taking any strategic reins for herself, and just letting her Mom do all the work. I understand the temptation, of course, but it just isn’t fun to watch. I mean, this particular episode, Jon and Jaclyn have more of a conversation than they do. Baylor’s just coming off as whiny at this point. In any case, Keith’s tirade has made Missy go back and talk to Jon again, putting the arguments for voting out Josh fresh in his head as they head off to Tribal Council.

I have to say, this is one of the most straightforward Tribal Councils I’ve ever seen. Wes, ever the brains behind everything, openly reveals the alliances to Probst, and Jeremy, despite trying to remain noncommittal, agrees. This leads to a discussion about the pros and cons of both sides for Jon and Jaclyn, and while I do miss the subtle politicking, there’s something fascination about two sides duking it out so openly for the swing votes. In particular, I like how Natalie subtly brought up the men’s behavior, knowing that it would get a rise out of Jaclyn, and potentially shift things in her alliance’s favor. One small sentence out of her, and Jaclyn’s on the warpath. Reed, seeing that things are quickly spiraling out of control, appeals to Probst for time to make a counterargument for why his and Neil Patrick Harris’ alliance is better, pointing out the singles/couples divide. Unfortunately for him, Jeremy is on the scene, and calls out Reed, saying that the Neil Patrick Harris alliance will simply discard Jon and Jaclyn once their votes no longer matter. Reed denies this, pretty convincingly, but the damage is done, and the idea is in Jon and Jaclyn’s heads.

Despite the foreshadowing we got earlier, with just how much Josh seemed to be in control (an obvious set-up for an ironic vote-off), this episode does a good job of misdirection, by giving Baylor a lot of screentime, and by having Jon fight so hard against Jaclyn’s arguments. Still, in the end the couple make the right decision, and Neil Patrick Harris is sent home. While this is a major loss for the season, as Jeremy is now pretty much the sole strategic game in town (though I’m not giving up on Natalie and Missy just yet), and he was fun to watch, this was the proper move. As I said last week, Jaclyn has no ties to pretty much anyone at this point, and Jon doesn’t really have ties to anyone in the Neil Patrick Harris alliance at this point. That, plus the fact that Jon can make a majority a lot more ways in the Jeremy/Natalie/Missy alliance than he can in the Neil Patrick Harris alliance, makes it pretty much a no-brainer. So clearly, this means Jon has no brain, since he resisted the idea for so long.

This episode teetered on the edge of being simply awful, but the ending pulled it all together. Had Baylor been voted out, this episode would have been the alliance we all thought was in control staying in control, a defeat of independent thought from Jaclyn, and a pretty disgusting and pointless sexism subplot. Instead, it ended up being relevant to the episode, and we had a major alliance shift. Sure, we lost a pretty good strategic player, and the rest of the season may suffer for it, but all the same, this episode is currently the highlight of the season. Some underdogs rising up to do well, good strategy, and excellent misdirection with only one or two awkward moments make this episode a highlight.

Now, before I sign off, there’s one question this episode raises that needs to be addressed: Is it good strategy if you make the right move for the wrong reasons? At least, that’s what the episode wants to ask, with Jaclyn seemingly making moves based on emotion rather than strategy, but I don’t think it does. For both Jaclyn and Jon, I think it was strategy based on logic. The most you can say about the influence of the sexism subplot is that it made Jaclyn a bit stronger in her convictions. The strategy, however, still came from her, and was not, I think, born out of the sexism alone, but also what she’d been thinking about. So, why did they flip back? Well, apart from Jaclyn’s arguments, I think it’s all about the idols. Jeremy’s winning immunity was a big hindrance to the plans of the Neil Patrick Harris alliance, as now, even if they had the majority, they’d have to deal with a desperate Jeremy, which is not something to be trifled with. Further, despite how little screentime it got, I think Jon’s finding an idol had a huge impact on the vote. Bear in mind, Jon is still convinced Jeremy is out to get him, hence his hesitation in joining Jeremy’s alliance. However, with the idol in his pocket, he can prevent a lot of Jeremy’s strategizing, and give himself and Jaclyn a continued power position beyond the first Tribal Council. If that’s so, good for them, that’s all sound reasoning.

While I’m not convinced that future episodes will live up to this one, this was still a fantastic episode. And don’t mourn Neil Patrick Harris too much. He’s on the jury, so he’ll still be around. Perhaps that will liven up next week.
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Jual Del Sur” Episode 7: #hashtagsarestupidandshouldgodieforever

Ah, the “Survivor” merge. A time of infinite possibility. A time where strategy comes to a head. A time when, depending how things are handled, you can either get one of the best episodes of the season, or else a thrilling anticlimax. This is a case of the latter. While not the WORST merge episode I’ve ever seen, this one falls pretty low on the list. Admittedly, what good moments it DID have were highlights for the season thus far, but man, the lows were pretty cringe-inducing. Let’s take a closer look.

In an odd twist, we start not immediately after Tribal Council, but the next day. Keith, not too surprisingly, is fairly annoyed that he got unexpected votes at said Tribal Council, and is particularly unhappy with Missy, as he correctly assumes that she orchestrated the vote. Missy protests, not unfairly, that they were paranoid about Dale’s idol, and had to hide the vote to protect themselves. Keith, however, is too offended to consider this argument, and I don’t blame him. When supposed allies vote for you, you drop those allies. That’s pretty basic “Survivor”. Admittedly, this doesn’t tell us much more than we already knew, as the merge was heavily publicized for this episode, and one assumes that couples will stick together. All this did was firm up that idea in the minds of the audience.

Hunah Poo-Poo wastes no time in hitting our plot points, as they get Tree Mail telling them to pack their belongings and march to a designated location. They correctly assume that this is a merge. Admittedly, another tribe shuffle is also a possibility, but the belongings bit makes it unlikely.

As Hunah Poo-Poo packs, we find out that Jeremy’s paranoia may actually have been justified. Our requisite “I had everything set, and now have to start over.” confessional comes courtesy of Neil Patrick Harris, where we find out, yes, he DID have Reed, and wanted to take Jeremy out. This actually makes me rescind a few of the negative things I said about Jeremy. He read the situation 100% correctly, and we just never got to see evidence of it. On a related note, Jeremy is also the one to give us our requisite “Now I’ve got a new start.” Confessional. I don’t hold it against this merge that we’ve got a bunch of generic, token confessionals before it. That’s traditional “Survivor”, and it’s understandable that a lot of the same emotions would run through the contestants each season. That’s part of the charm of the show. What can make or break a merge is how people handle those emotions, and incorporate them into their strategies. This season is a bit of an odd duck, in that this isn’t the case, and the strategy overall is quite good. However, we’ll get to something later that makes my teeth curl.

Coyopa also gets Tree Mail telling them about the merge, but not much comes of it, apart from Jon regrettably reminding us of the existence of Kat “What’s an appendix?” Eddorson of “Survivor One World”, by quoting the now infamous “No one wants to date someone who didn’t make the merge.” Line, which I could have gone the rest of my life without hearing. As such, we’ll skip right to the feast. Sure enough, the tribes are merging, though I can only assume that they’re going to keep the Hunah Poo-Poo name, since the buffs are pretty much exactly the same color. No, this is actually one of the more jovial feasts, as the tribes save the strategy for later, too busy finding out that they’ll be at the Coyopa camp from now on. The only sour note is Julie, who claims to be the only one without a loved one still there (Jeremy and Natalie claiming to be “each other’s loved one”, and Alec being tightly bonded with Neil Patrick Harris). Unfortunately, you have to remember this point, it’s INCREDIBLY important later.

BUT WAIT! This episode just keeps getting better! Once at the old Coyopa camp, they have to decide on a new tribe name. And oh, what a tribe name it is. I put it in quote marks, because otherwise no one will believe me.

The new tribe name is “#Huyopa”.

If, by some miracle, you haven’t keeled over and died at the mere sight of this awful, awful name, allow me to go into detail as to WHY it sucks. Hashtags are an annoying, pointless social media phenomenon that much to my and much of the world’s irritation, keep getting put on everything. I’ve accepted that they’re pretty much here to stay, and that I have to get used to them popping up on my favorite tv shows from now on. But putting them in actual proper names, is just insane! It’s pretentious, stupid-looking, and just lowers the intelligence of anyone asked to take it seriously. And don’t try to tell me that they were just joking, and that the real name is simply “Huyopa”. They put the hashtag on the actual tribe flag. It’s official. Join me at the bottom of this blog post for another round of good bashing of this incredibly awful name.

Fortunately, we’re saved from the horror that is the new merged tribe name (I refuse to type it again), by the airing of a new reality show: WORLD’S GREATEST DAD! Each week, a new father will attempt to demonstrate his love for his child in whatever way he deems most fit. Our contestant tonight is Keith Nale from Louisiana. We hear it’s his son’s birthday. He must have something special planned! Let’s see what he does…

KEITH: “Honestly, I just forgot.”

Wow. That sounded cold and heartless. What little love there was for Keith Nale is now gone. And the ratings are plummeting. WORLD’S GREATEST DAD will never be seen again. Please, try to scrub this awfulness from your minds, along with the new tribe name.

Seriously, though, there actually is some good stuff to this episode. Unfortunately, it all comes in one big block. If you couldn’t have guessed, I’m referring to that clash of titans, Jeremy and Neil Patrick Harris, the only two people on this season who seem to have brains, though Natalie and Missy are putting up strong contention. Our opening gambit comes from Jeremy, who correctly surmises that he does not need to talk to everybody, given how many pairs there are. By talking to just one member of the pair, he gets them both. Accordingly, he talks to Jon and Missy, and gets the best news he can hear. The two are still tight, and want to work with himself, Natalie, and Julie. Bringing along Jaclyn and Baylor, this gives them seven out of twelve, which is a majority.

However, on “Survivor”, making the first move is not always the best. Neil Patrick Harris has seen what Jeremy is doing, and uses it in his own arguments against him. Specifically, he talks to Baylor in the hopes that she can sway Missy to her side. Baylor tries valiantly to play up that she’s thinking about siding with him, but both he and Reed admit later that they see right through it. Baylor talks with her mom, and agrees that staying with Jeremy is the best thing, but she feels bad for betraying Neil Patrick Harris, since he was the one who apparently “saved her” several times. A couple thoughts on this. First off, in Baylor’s case it’s NOT the best to stick with Jeremy. True, as a whole for the PAIRS of Jon and Jaclyn and Missy and Baylor, it’s best to stick with Jeremy and his alliance. The reason couple’s alliances don’t work is simple game theory. True, the outcome is better for couples as a whole to keep each other round, but a single couple can get much farther using the swing votes of individuals. In short, couples are too dangerous to other couples. They can’t help but eat each other. However, the alliance with Jeremy works out well. True, only two couples will remain, but out of that alliance, they’ll have the majority. They can pick off the individuals when they want, or even use the individuals to get rid of the other couple. Despite this, however, Baylor is at one major disadvantage in this alliance: she knows nobody. True, Jaclyn doesn’t really know anybody either, but to be fair, she was on the bottom of Coyopa whichever way you swung it, so she’s no worse off following Jon. Baylor, however, DOES have relationships with the Neil Patrick Harris alliance, and so she could work a little harder at maybe convincing Missy to go with them. Secondly, “all the times he saved you”? Correct me if I’m wrong, here, but didn’t he vote AGAINST you in the first Tribal Council? Didn’t you say you weren’t going to trust Neil Patrick Harris as much anymore? Does that count for nothing?

Evidently, it DOES count for nothing, as Missy basically tells Baylor “No”, and Baylor goes along with it. Say what you will about Laura Morett and Ciera Eastin on the first “Survivor Blood vs. Water”, but whether or not their strategies were good, they at least TALKED about it, debated, and seemed like equals. Here, Mommy tells Daughter what to do, and daughter agrees. Not to say that’s unrealistic, of course. In a way, I’m GLAD to see it, since it helps differentiate this season from that other “Blood vs. Water” season. However, there’s a REASON people generally liked the original “Blood vs. Water”: it was ENTERTAINING! While not necessarily “boring”, this dynamic is far less engaging.

Missy’s ultimate advice to Baylor is to put on a fake looking smile and just answer “I need to talk with my mom.” when asked about other alliances. Unfortunately for Missy, she talks a bit too loud, and thus signals to Neil Patrick Harris that he needs to look elsewhere for allies. With few avenues left to explore, he turns to Jon and Jaclyn, saying they’ll go to the top 6 as couples and then duke it out. Jon does give it fair consideration, but ultimately seems to be leaning towards sticking with Jeremy. Personally, I think that’s the right move. While the couple’s thing is tempting, as I said before, it just doesn’t make sense strategy-wise, particularly in an individual game. Further, while Jeremy WAS trying to get you out at one point, you at least built SOME relationships with the old Hunah Poo-Poo. Jaclyn, conversely, built no relationships with anyone in the Neil Patrick Harris alliance. As such, you don’t know if you can really trust them. Better to stick with Jeremy.

Jon’s mind may be changed, however, by the turning point of the episode. It starts innocently enough, someone asking for some of the trail mix from the merge feast. Unfortunately, it’s nowhere to be found. We quickly learn that Julie, having no bonds with the new tribe, had taken it for herself, and doesn’t plan to share. A stupid maneuver with no rhyme or reason to it, and indicates that this point that Julie has simply given up. She’s found out by everyone else during a mandated bag search, and they all feast on it while she’s gone. Things seem to be kept calm, but feelings are hurt in general, and you can tell that Jon in particular is not pleased with the deception. He even goes so far as to say that he “Can’t trust Julie.” or her alliance anymore. Julie I understand, but the alliance? That’s a bit of a stretch.

In keeping with the theme of disappointing outcomes, the immunity challenge is possibly the worst of the season thus far. Basically, each contestant takes hold of two ropes. Suspended between these ropes is a disc, and on said disc is a ball. If your ball falls off, you’re out. Once you pass a certain amount of time, you move further back on the ropes, and once you pass further time beyond that, an extra ball is added. What makes this challenge pathetic is that it’s a combination of two types of challenges that were already pretty lame to begin with: the “Hold up the thing with ropes” challenge from “Survivor Samoa”, and the ball on disc balancing challenge from “Survivor Redemption Island”. Multiplying mediocre and mediocre gives you mediocre squared, and it just feels really weak, particularly for a first immunity challenge. Only two moments of hilarity: Jeremy being the first one out, for which he pretty hilariously berates himself, and the battle between father of the year Keith and son Wes. When Wes loses, there’s a lot of good-natured ribbing. That’s always pretty fun to watch.

Following Jeremy’s self-effacing tirade (he lost JULIE! Heaven forbid!), we once again size up the clash of the titans. Jeremy thinks he’s safe, but Neil Patrick Harris hasn’t given up hope. He tries the same arguments on Jon and Jaclyn again… and it works. Jon now says he’s 100% behind the Neil Patrick Harris alliance. What exactly possessed him to change his mind is beyond me. The only thing I can figure is that the Julie-hiding-trail-mix thing pissed him off to the point that he doesn’t want to work with her, and even that’s pretty flimsy. Admittedly, from the beginning Jon’s been a fan of the “Couples alliance” thing, but I refer you to my earlier arguments as to why that’s not a smart move. Jon also completes the douchebaggery by pulling a Drew, and shutting down any counterargument from Jaclyn.

However, there’s a monkey wrench in the works, and that is Missy talking to Julie. Julie’s having one of her hard times again, after Alec makes a thinly-veiled comment about the trail mix. Missy pulls a Jeremy, and tries to keep her head in the game, but she isn’t as good at it as Jeremy. Julie goes off, sulks, and then calls in Probst. She wants to quit. The elements were “Not what she signed up for.” and people are being mean and coupley and stuff. She also claims that people don’t mean anything they say to her, and are just using her. WECOME TO “SURVIOR”! What did you think you were signing up for? This is the low point of the episode for me. All this buildup for an epic clash, and we get instead what feels like a wimping-out of a contestant nobody cared for anyway. All the good stuff delayed so that a spoiled brat can complain and leave when the going gets tough. My God, this is so incredibly frustrating and irritating, that I CAN HARDLY STAND IT! RATS!

I hypothesized at the beginning of this season, during the cast assessment, that Julie was here purely to fill out the “Hot Girl in Bikini” quotient, and that I would dislike her amongst those ranks. I was wrong. Julie is an INSULT to those ranks, along with being one of the worst people ever brought on! The fact that she gave up after very little provocation makes it clear to me that she was cast only because they really wanted John Rocker (who, I would point out, was RECRUITED, and so we could have AVOIDED this mess very easily) and needed someone to go with him. She has no identity of her own, is tied only to him, and wimped out at what can at best be called a season of average difficulty. How does this make her an insult to other people brought on to fill the “Hot Girl in Bikini” quotient? Say what you will about the Kat Eddorssons (“Survivor One World”) and Morgan McLeods (“Survivor Cagayan”), they at least tried. They may have been awful, overly emotional players. They may have had next to no impact whatsoever. Their lack of intelligence may have been such a vacuum that it drained the I.Q. of everyone watching, but they at least TRIED! They put in effort, not much but a lot, and when the going got rough, they stuck it out long enough to be voted out with dignity. It’s small, but this means I can have an IOTA of respect for them. Not so with Julie. Good riddance to her, and may she never return.

The one GOOD thing to be said about this is that it does at least prolong the battle of the masterminds. Jeremy and Neil Patrick Harris were gunning for each other, and as they’re really the only strategists, when one of them leaves, the season gets much worse. At least this way, they stick around for one more episode. Apart from that, however, this is a pretty bad merge episode. When it was good, it was REALLY good. As I say, the strategizing from Neil Patrick Harris and Jeremy was a joy to watch. Everything else, however, sucked. Bad strategy, stupid moves, and unpleasant people all around. I’m hopeful that next episode can improve, but we’ll see. And the final outcome of this episode: Whereas before I was willing to be neutral about Julie, I now HATE her with a fiery passion.
Surprisingly, however, there’s one thing I hate more than Julie. It’s the new merged tribe name, which means it’s time for another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

I’m aware I did one last week, but this name needs to be maligned some more. Still, let’s look back at the goodness of the past first, with…

TOP 5:

5. Dabu (“Survivor Micronesia”): The first entry in the top five merged tribe names is one that’s a bit of an oddity, hence why it’s only at number 5. I normally hate simple tribe names, four letters or less, and I particularly hate it when people pick up on simple, harmonious native words for it. True, I like the appreciation for culture, but the tribe name should inspire respect and fear, not cooperation and harmony. That’s not why people watch this show! However, Dabu is a bit different, in that it was a word made up by Erik Reichenbach to fool everyone, and that’s just hilarious to me. The one guy who’s remembered for being an idiot is the guy who fools everyone with a made-up word. Props, good sir!

4. Xhakum (“Survivor Guatemala”): Apparently the low entries on this list are the ones that are something I technically hate done right. Another popular thing to do with merged tribes is to combine the old tribe names, and it drives me nuts. It’s obvious, unoriginal, and sounds stupid more often than not. Xhakum is one of these, but I let it on this list for being a bit cleverer than other combination names. Rather than just slap the two together, as previously done, they actually took the suffixes of the tribe names, and made a new one. This creates a name that sounds original, and while it does pay respect to the old tribes, it is not obviously connected, so I give it a plus.

3. Barramundi (“Survivor The Australian Outback”: Probably the most basic entry on this list. It pays homage to the local fauna, sounds really menacing, and is just a lot of fun to say.

2. Alinta (“Survivor Vanuatu”): I love it when the name can relate to the culture in some way. And while the names the contestants come up with tend to be obvious and basic, I find this one works on multiple levels. Literally meaning “People of the Fire”, this name worked well for a season subtitled “Islands of Fire”. On top of that, it just sounded cool, and was about the right length: not too short and not too long. I don’t put it at the top because it wasn’t actually the local language, but in fairness to Scout Cloud Lee, with the number of languages in Vanuatu, it’d be hard to tell what the “Local Language” is.

1. Gitanos (“Survivor Exile Island”): Whenever I hear this name, I get shivers. It sounds ominous, it bears no relation to the former tribe names, and it’s actual Spanish. All plusses! Some would argue it’s inappropriate, as the word means “gypsies” in English, but given that this was a very disunited tribe, and had Aras Baskauskas as one of the founding members, I think it fits perfectly.

Honorable Mention: Dangrayne (“Survivor Philippines”): In hindsight, I love this name. Nothing better than a big “Fuck you!” to the elements that have been giving the contestants so much trouble. Oddly, though, it doesn’t make the list proper for being TOO clever. My more astute readers may recall that I didn’t get the joke when I first heard the name, splitting the syllables between the “N” and the “G”, instead of the “G” and the “R”. Because of this, I can’t really call this one a favorite. A joke that’s too hard to get is a bad joke. Still, puns of this caliber deserve to be acknowledged, and nowadays, it’s one of my favorites.

BOTTOM 5:

5. Nobag (“Survivor Gabon”): This name is possibly one of the simplest ever created. It’s the location name, spelled backwards. Clever, I’ll grant you, but also a bit boring to say. What makes it bad, as opposed to just average, is the negative connotations the name might have. Maybe it’s just the middle-schooler in me, but I can’t help but separate this name into “No Bag”. It sounds like an insult boys hurl at each other in the locker room, which is not really a pleasant way to think about your merged tribe. Good effort though.

4. Forza (“Survivor Tocantins”): You want a name that’s culturally relevant to your season? Well, this is NOT the one you’re looking for. I’m not sure what possessed these people to give a Latin name to a tribe on a season set in Brazil, but it REALLY didn’t work. It just felt awkward and unwieldy on an otherwise good season. Bet anything this was a Benjamin “Coach” Wade brainchild.

3. Aitutonga (“Survivor Cook Islands”): I had a hard time deciding which generic old tribe name combination should make the list. Aitutonga gets it because it’s just unwieldy. I know I said I don’t like short names, but I don’t like overly-long names either. Admittedly, this one is shorter than “Barramundi”, which I liked, but something about “Aitutonga” just doesn’t flow well with me. It looks stupid, it sounds stupid, it IS stupid. At least Chaboga Mogo on “Survivor All-Stars” had a catchy song to go with it.

2. Chuay Jai (“Survivor Thailand”): I said “Aitutonga” was a placeholder for all combined tribe names for a merged tribe, and it is. But this one deserves particular mention for failing on multiple counts. On top of being an INCREDIBLY simplistic name, the words actually MEAN something in Thai language. Normally, this would be fine by me, except that by combining the names, you make an entirely new word that makes almost no sense, and sounds really stupid to boot. Do you want to know what Chuay Jai translates as? “Helpful Heart”. You took parts of the two least-threatening tribe names ever, and somehow made them less threatening. I’m not sure how you did it, but kudos.

1. #Huyopa (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”): I thought nothing could top the stupidity of “Chuay Jai”. I was wrong. At least “Chuay Jai” stuck purely to English letters. This is a stupid combined name that dates itself considerably, and somehow makes hashtags, a stupid concept to begin with, even more stupid. May this name rot in the halls of infamy for all eternity.

Honorable Mention: Murlonio (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Another made-up name that has nothing to do with the culture it’s representing. How people thought this was Spanish was beyond me. However, I keep it off the list proper because, in a strange way, it does fit the season. Let’s face it, the theme was not “Redemption” or the local culture, but instead was “Boston Rob Wins Everything”. It’s oddly appropriate, therefore, that the merged tribe name was an incredibly stupid name he came up with out of vanity. Have to admire the commitment to a theme.

Geez, several long blogs in a row, this is wearing on me. Here’s hoping next week will be interesting, pleasant, but shorter.
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.