Idol Speculation: “Survivor Edge of Extinction” “Finale”: Rise of the Quotation Marks

Well, “Survivor”, credit where credit is due: You did it. You managed to give us another first. Many would have thought it impossible after 38 seasons of the show, but they managed it. Yes, I can definitely say without a doubt, this season…

IS THE WORST THING THIS SHOW HAS EVER DONE IN THE ENTIRETY OF ITS EXISTENCE! Look, I’ve tried to be as fair as possible to this season. I tried not to go in hating it on the twist alone. I gave it credit where it earned it. Hell, I would even say some of the merge episodes were pretty good. Not legendary, mind you, but entertaining and worthy of the “Survivor” brand. But that ending. Good Lord, that ending! I had prepared myself for this possibility. I thought I was ok with it, but the more and more I think about it, the more and more it just pisses me off. Yes, “Survivor Fiji” can now rest easy. It has stopped being the general punching bag of bad “Survivor” seasons for me. Be prepared for a number of “Survivor Edge of Extinction” jokes in the future. What could make a season so bad that even the presence of my beloved Aubry cannot earn it any credit?

Well, before we find out, we have to delay talking about this awful “finale” with another round of…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

I’ll keep this one brief, but I feel it’s important to touch on. For all that I give Rick credit for what he was able to do, and how he’s able to win over the jury, I wasn’t impressed with his performance at the previous Tribal Council. The whole “righteous indignation” thing worked at the Ron boot, because Rick had actually been tricked in what could be interpreted as a mean-spirited way. This time, however? He’s just mocking their inability to vote him out. Kind of giving back the whole “mean-spirited” thing, and losing the high ground, Rick.

Moving on to our episode proper, you’d think we’d start out at the fallout of the previous Tribal Council. HA HA! You fool! That’s for seasons that DON’T have 8/9ths of the contestants left in the final episode! Because heaven forbid a great character become an early martyr! Yes, we’re going straight to our “Edge of Extinction” challenge, which is your standard ropes course with a table maze at the end, though with a few cool elements. One is the maze itself, which is distinguishable by having the holes for the balls in separate spots, at the midpoint and the end, rather than side-by-side. The big draw, here, is the bridge to the table maze. Rather than your standard plank puzzle bridge, players use the ropes they’ve been navigating through to build the bridge, which is a new idea that works on “Survivor”, and is pretty challenging. Shame it has to be wasted on as overall lackluster a challenge as this.

Now, with 16 people competing in arguably their most important challenge of their game, we of course need some idea of who’s in it to win it. The smart thing to do would have been to build story arcs for those on the Edge of Extinction, like you would do in a NORMAL season, and then let this challenge be the culmination of said story arcs. This being “Survivor Edge of Extinction” they instead do the dumb thing of giving us little to nothing of most of our players, and instead just have the frontrunners get out early in the challenge. Thus, we quickly learn that only Aurora, Eric, Joey Amazing, and Chris are really in contention. Aubry, despite my hopes and predictions, chokes. Even worse, she chokes on the part of the challenge SHE HAD PRACTICED! No, it does not diminish my love for her, and no, it does not contribute to my newfound hatred for this season. Even if Aubry’s loss could be counted as a “sin”, believe me, it would be the LEAST of the sins here.

Out of these four, Chris is our winner. I suppose of those four, he had the closest thing to a story arc, though I lump his “I didn’t get my perfect game.” storyline with Andrew Savage’s “I’m missing my perfect supermodel wife from my life where everything except ‘Survivor’ is perfect!” storyline: It exists, but is pointless and whiny, serving only to turn me against the character. We get our teary farewell confessionals from our remaining contestants who are now, mercifully out of the game. I suppose it’s decently emotional, but more due to the mirror neurons firing than due to the confessionals themselves actually being emotional.

This leads to our first forced Probst segment, where he talks to Joe about losing the game again. After getting an assurance from Joe that Joe thinks he himself can win, Probst nearly has a heart attack when Joe is noncommittal about returning. Trying to salvage the situation, Probst goes for what I describe as “comedy” only in the loosest sense of the term, going on about Joe’s hair being his weakness. Probst, might I suggest you look up the story of “Samson and Delilah”? You might learn a few things about suggest haircuts.

Getting back to camp, Chris now has the daunting task of integrating himself into a group that has every reason to want him gone, and half of whom he hasn’t even played with prior to this day. To his credit, I think he plays it off as best he can here. He talks about the harshness of Edge of Extinction, and how exhausted he is from playing on it. However, he also highlights the insights he has to the jury, and how he’s willing to talk about them with anyone. This simultaneously diminishes Chris’ threat level, while also giving him a bargaining chip in any conversation. His salesman’s skills mean that to the untrained eye, this comes off as genuine. Fortunately for us, Victoria is highly intelligent, as well as having a good bullshit detector. She notes that OF COURSE this is what Chris is going to say, and affirms that he and Rick are targets A and B.

Chris, of course, still needs allies, and so speaks with Rick, the one person who might have his back. Indeed, Rick notes the irony of the situation: How he had helped vote Chris out, only to be voted out himself, and now the two need to work together if they hope to survive. Rick admits to some mistrust, but the guy with no allies to speak of takes what he can get.

Obstacle course number one is nothing to speak of, though I’ll give credit that the circular puzzle is better this time, in and of that you can’t simply look at the logo to get the design. You’d have to examine the immunity idol, which is harder to see at a distance and less frequently examined closely. Julie ends up the victor, which would be uneventful were it not for the way she wins. Oh, I’m not talking about her mistake in building the border first rather than building vertically to help prevent puzzle collapse. No, Chris, recognizing his own inevitable loss of the challenge, stops what he’s doing to help Julie. This, understandably, gets the attention of Rick, who was decently close in the challenge, and is naturally unhappy about a supposed ally helping to ensure his defeat. This is played up as a big deal, and I think it SHOULD have been a big deal, but for two guys with few alliance prospects, I doubt they can let this come between them.

Julie also wins steak dinner, with the choice to bring two people along with her. Hoo boy, does Julie drop the ball here. Chris is her first choice, and I get where she’s coming from in the “he hasn’t had anything to eat since he got voted out” thing, plus the whole “helped her win the challenge” thing, but Julie, it’s the end of the game. Time to be cutthroat. Need I remind you that you are STRENGTHENING ARGUABLY THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE THREAT LEFT IN THE GAME WHO YOU AREN’T EVEN ALLIED WITH? Sigh. At least her second pick, Lauren, makes a little more sense, since they did work together and all before, but despite this, it still alienates her allies. Specifically Victoria, which even RICK calls out as a dumb move on her part. Need I remind you that the only times Victoria HASN’T voted correctly has been when she’s helping out with a split vote? She seems like a person you don’t want to piss off.

Over dinner, our castaways discuss their vote-out options. Rick is of course the primary target, and Chris proves his loyalty by covering for Rick’s idol, which Rick had revealed to him in their previous talk. This then leads to who the backup should be, with the idea floated out that Victoria be the next one to go. Makes sense. She seems popular, and I think has been a low-key major decision maker this entire time. Rick is, of course, planning to use his idol tonight, though whether he’ll go against Chris or not is up in the air. After all, if he were to sway Gavin and Victoria to his side, he’d be able to at least tie, and then rely on everyone else’s self-preservation instinct to break that tie. Despite saving Chris being the clear obvious choice, this is actually some interesting misdirection.

Too bad it goes nowhere! We find out that, like Rick, Chris was given an idol good for the next Tribal Council, but only if half is temporarily given to another player. Chris, recognizing the need to build trust, gives it to Rick, who now trusts Chris 100%, and cements the loss of Victoria. I’ll explain why that’s a shame in a bit, but first, let’s talk about the substitute intrigue for a bit. Rick is hardly the only person Chris has been talking to, and Lauren, at least, is willing to give him the time of day. Chris knows from Kelley that she has an idol, but has been keeping it under wraps for her. Chris tells her that what the jury is looking for is for idols to be played, and played correctly. A plausible lie told in a convincing way. So, now the question is: Will Lauren play her idol for Chris?

Yes. The answer is yes. After a throughly “nothing” Tribal Council, we find that both Lauren and Rick blow their idols. Rick needed to, but as Lauren laments, she wasted hers, with Victoria going out 2 to nothing, against the one vote Chris would have had. Victoria is a major loss for the season, in more ways than one. This gets into the first two problems this season has: who gets booted, and how they’re presented. There were some great new characters and strategists this season, and Victoria, for me, was definitely one of them. More so the latter than the former, but still intriguing, particularly given her young age. Thus, losing her loses the person I was most rooting for at this point, and while it’s a smart move to take out the smart people at this point in the game, it’s not as fun from an audience perspective. More to the point, however, is that while all these things about Victoria are true, you need to look REALLY deep to find them. For all that Victoria was a major force this season, post Aubry-boot she was pretty much nonexistent. Probst even commented at the Reunion show (which is spared quotation marks due to actually being decent this season) that Victoria played a good under-the-radar game that doesn’t get the credit it deserves. Nice sentiment, Probst, but here’s an idea: If you want people to get credit for their work, THEN ACTUALLY SHOW THEIR WORK! My God, the wasted potential here is staggering. Victoria, you deserved a much better season than the one we got.

On a positive note, I will say I admire Eric’s decision to NOT clean himself up at Ponderosa. Helps him stand out, and is a nice, respectful touch.

So, this means we get a segment with Probst detailing Victoria’s game, and hopes for the future, right? Silly viewer! Those are for who PRODUCTION cares about, not who you care about!

Getting back to camp, Rick of course foolishly sets out to look for an idol. I say “foolishly” because of course, after the backlash that the fire-making final four twist from “Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers” received, they have moved back when regular idols work to the final six, leaving only Chris’ as a legitimate idol left. Then you remember that this is “Survivor Edge of Extinction” where everything you love goes to die! Instead, Rick finds yet ANOTHER idol, thus guaranteeing himself the final four. If, at this point, you think there’s an overabundance of idols for so late in the game, you’re right! Look, I give the producers more slack on the “Advantagegeddon” even on “Survivor Game Changers” than most. While I agree that season overall was too twist-heavy, that particular event I say was more due to the contestants then having balls of steel to hold their idols and advantages so long. But putting in new idols when there’s only one legitimate vote left in the game? That’s just too much. I will never be a fan of the fire-making final four happening automatically, but if you give us one vote with no possible idols, it becomes much more tolerable.

Not content with having TWO hidden immunity idols in the game, Rick now decides he needs FAKE idols in the game as well. He hides a pair of them (with notes from his previous idols for legitimacy), which Lauren and Julie, having learned from their previous efforts of NOT following Rick, find. Rick proves just how much of the high ground he’s taking by laughing obnoxiously behind their backs as they make these efforts. Our hero, everybody.

Our second immunity challenge is your standard ropes obstacle course with little fanfare, though putting it over water was a nice touch. Rick wins, rendering his idol DOUBLY pointless, but making for an interesting situation back at camp. You see, everyone BUT Gavin thinks they’re safe. Preying on this, Rick suggest that he’ll play his idol on Gavin if Gavin votes with them. Gavin, not being a moron, jumps at the chance. But who should they target. The debate, by default, is between Julie and Lauren. Lauren’s played a more dominant game in their eyes, while Julie might have more friends on the jury. The answer, however, is quite obvious to me. Julie must go. Yes, Lauren has a stronger game overall, but it’s not one necessarily respected by the jury. Who the jury wants to win is the biggest factor at this point, making Julie a threat. Moreover, Lauren, being original Manu, is more likely to help one or both of you out at the final four, whereas Julie is not likely to at all. Better to get rid of her.

Our second Tribal Council is just as “nothing” as the first, save for that for once people make the stupid decision. After Lauren and Julie get needlessly humiliated with the fake idols (not that I don’t think Rick shouldn’t have made them, as they did help throw the scent off of him, but the laughter was needless), Lauren gets sent home. Again, I’m sorry to see her go. While not the same level as Victoria, she had a determination I liked, and again, was probably the best non-Rick strategist left in the game. Losing her loses a lot of investment in the season, and another good player to boot.

Our final immunity challenge is the now standard “Stack blocks to make a phrase” challenge, though this one does up the game a bit by having contestants walk along an arced board while still holding the platform steady. Much as I despise this challenge for being repetitive at this point, that is a pretty clever way to shake things up. Gavin and Rick make basically no headway, so our battle comes down to Julie and Chris. Julie is overall faster, but also messes up, handing Chris an easy victory. Meaning yes, someone who was voted out of the game just over a week in, and who will have played less than two weeks total, just made the finals. I’m sure this will in no way backfire on the show whatsoever!

Chris, of course, now has to choose who will be going to fire making. He tries to play things cool with Rick, but Rick pretty quickly picks up on the fact that Chris doesn’t want him in the finals, and so goes to make fire. The debate for Chris really comes down to who he thinks can beat Rick in fire making, and he tells as much to Julie and Gavin. He coaches each of them on fire making, but no real conclusion is reached as we head off to Tribal Council.

Soon enough, we see exactly WHY no conclusion was reached: because Chris chose to take a third option. A stupid option, to be sure, but an option nonetheless. You see, Chris has decided to go full Domenick Abbate (“Survivor Ghost Island”), and give up immunity to Julie, allowing him to battle Rick for the right to remain in the game. For some reason, despite giving up immunity, Chris is allowed to choose who goes to fire making. Granted, I don’t think Julie would have chosen differently, but still, you’d think it’d be her choice, given that she now has immunity. Look, I can see the logic here. Like Domenick, Chris doesn’t want to lose votes to another worthy competitor, and so moves to eliminate that chance, at great risk to himself. It is this last part that I take issue with. No matter how much of a jury threat someone is, IT IS NEVER WORTH RISKING YOUR OWN SPOT IN THE GAME FOR THEM! This was Chris’ worst move of the night, and he’s lucky it didn’t backfire on him. Rick goes home, and again, I’m disappointed. A Rick win would have been predictable from the edit, and certainly would have had an asterisk next to it for the whole “Edge of Extinction” twist, but we at least got to see his gameplay, and he would have been an entertaining winner, if nothing else. Instead, we’re left with decent enough players and nice people, but whose stories were weak (Julie, Chris) or nonexistent (Gavin). Joy.

Between segments, we get another Probst interlude, as Rick is popular enough to warrant an interview. It’s less cringe-worthy than Joe’s segment, as really all Probst tries to do is to get Rick to follow in the footsteps of John Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”), and come work for CBS. Pointless, but nothing annoying about it.

To their credit, all our contestants actually give themselves pretty good arguments about why they should win on this particular day 39. Julie cites her willingness to change up the game, Gavin leans on his social bonds, and Chris notes the effort it took to return from Edge of Extinction. For all my complaints, this is one part the episode actually does well. For a moment, it seems like everyone has a shot.

That is, until we get to Final Tribal Council. Then, Julie at least is shut out. Frankly, of the finalists, she’s probably the one I most wanted to win, due to her arguably actually having an arc. The trouble is, said arc involves Julie acting on her emotions, and while an emotional argument can be powerful, Julie doesn’t demonstrate good control over them, thus making her gameplay come off as erratic and reactionary, rather than controlled and calculated. She’s out, but Chris does himself few favors as well. When Gavin makes a point about his own game at the expense of Chris’, Chris interrupts him to rebut the argument. The jury gets on his case for this, though, citing it as disrespectful. And yet, Chris keeps doing it. True, he does get in good arguments about his social manipulation in the time he had, using Lauren playing her idol as an example of this. Still, that doesn’t mean his interactions with the other finalists come off well. The only person who comes off decently here is Gavin, who manages to articulate his social game nicely, and provide some good, concrete examples. Like with previous uses of this jury format, we do lose those great, defining moments a jury question can provide. The overall Final Tribal Council is sound.

The conclusion, however, is not, and now it is time. We must discuss the sin that ruins the season retroactively. The sin that makes this the worst season of “Survivor” there ever was, purely by default. Our winner, as one might expect, is Chris Underwood.

Where to start with the problems this causes? Well, for one thing, CHRIS WAS VOTED OUT OF THE GAME ON DAY 8! Yes, our winner is a man who so badly bungled a situation, that he was voted out pre-merge. Also bear in mind that he was a physical challenge beast on a tribe that desperately needed challenge strength. For him to be voted out in spite of this speaks volumes about just how badly he bungled his situation. Not only did he bungle his situation, but this also means Chris didn’t need to work nearly as hard as everyone else. While Gavin, Julie, and the other finalists (yes, even Rick to some degree), all had to put themselves at risk, and navigating the social quagmire that is betraying people but still having them like you, all Chris had to do was sit, wait, win one crucial challenge, and not be an asshole. It’s not NOTHING, but compared to what everyone else had to go through, it seems like a lot less, and ought to have disqualified him outright from his victory. This, of course, begs the question of how I would have felt about a Rick victory. I can’t say I would have been fully on board with it, but I wouldn’t have felt like disqualifying Rick quite as much as I do Chris. Rick did get voted out of the game, but unlike Chris, it was less due to his game play, and more due to having the bad luck to end up on a tribe with few options. Rick’s loss was largely due to luck, Chris’ to skill. See the difference? Plus, Rick was in the game the majority of the time, and had to navigate difficult situations, while Chris faced few, if any. Did Chris do nothing? Of course not! His gameplay this episode was masterful, and he’s definitely charming enough to earn a few votes. But think about how this would have looked in previous seasons. Let’s take the case of Hunter Ellis from “Survivor Marquesas”, and man who fills the same roll as Chris, and was voted out at the same point in the game. People loved Hunter at the time, and were shocked at his vote out. Many even advocate for his return. But would you really still love him if, having made no enemies, he was just randomly put back in the game at the end? No. No you wouldn’t. You’d feel production was giving him a leg up because heaven forbid we produce an unsatisfying winner! Ironically, by doing all this, I say production made what could have been a future satisfying winner unsatisfying. I’m glad Chris got the chance to show what he could do, and as I say, he did it well, and there’s nothing offensive about him as a person. But we should have gotten to see these things on a “Second Chances” type season, rather than shoehorning Chris in in the last episode.

But, to be fair, pretty much all of what I’ve vilified is stuff that’s out of Chris’ control. He didn’t ask to be put on an Edge of Extinction season, and made the best of what he had. Besides, however unfair it might be, any twist in the game is legitimate, and you can only play the hand you’re dealt, right? That is correct, and so all of the above, I’m willing to at least consider a counter-argument to. However, even if you were to take away all these problems, one major one still reigns. One question that has no satisfying answer, and is what, by default, makes this the worst season the show has ever put out:

What was the point of having all the episodes this season?

Here’s what I mean: “Survivor”, at its core, is about the journey to the finals. How do our finalists get there, and how do they beat out the other finalists? Some seasons do this better than others. Some seasons make the outcome super obvious. Some seasons subtly manipulate the audience, leading us on a good mystery hunt. Regardless, though, however dominant or just pain good at the game a player is, they still have to go through it. They still have to jump through to hoops so that we can see the progress of their journey. But Chris’ journey largely played out of Edge of Extinction, where even if we DID get footage of it, screen time needed to be divided between everyone else there. Thus, Chris got lost in the shuffle, and we the audience feel like we only really got to know him in this last episode. Again, he played well in that episode, but it still begs the question: If all we needed was this episode, why did we watch all the others?

There was really no season recap this time, nor was there Probst talking about why each remaining player could win. Frankly, I’m happy the latter is gone, since it was kind of forced anyway, but the former can be necessary. After all, more people tend to tune in to the finale of a show, rather than a random episode in the middle. Thus, the recap is needed to understand the journey that brought us to this point. Even the most boring seasons like “Survivor Fiji”, or the most predictable seasons like “Survivor Redemption Island”, there was at least a reason why we needed that journey. Even if we already knew or didn’t care about the outcome, we still needed the guidance of the rest of the season to understand that outcome. Here, someone tuning in for just this episode, even without a season recap, would lose nothing. They could watch it, and get just as much out of it as someone who had followed the entire season. And if 12/13 episodes of your season don’t need to be watched, what was the point of having the season at all?

Now, I hear the counterargument to this already: “Chris did have a story. It was just all on Edge of Extinction. And weren’t you, Matt, one of the ones praising the show for not spending so much time on Edge of Extinction?” You’re right about that, but it doesn’t change the fact that it retroactively makes the season pointless. Of course, we wouldn’t want the show to devote more time to the Edge of Extinction than to people still in the game, but then, if one of those people wins, it feels hollow. The only solution I can really think of to satisfy both worlds would be to have made the segments of “Edge of Extinction” its own show. Have it air right after “Survivor”, and be all about the social dynamics of the Edge of Extinction, with the finale being a kind of crossover between those two shows. Then we might have had time to develop everyone as needed to make a satisfying finale. Now, this would never happen. While “Survivor” has an impressive longevity, it must be said that the heyday of the show is passed, and so CBS is not logically going to devote an entire timeslot to a companion show no one is guaranteed to watch. However, if we’re trying to find a way for this twist to work, this is the only way I can think of. As it stands, this twist is a terrible idea that moves “Survivor” to a point where it isn’t recognizable as “Survivor” any more. Because it is such a different animal, and renders the vast majority of the season as being pointless, there is no logical place for this season to go other than the very bottom of the rankings.

Probably the biggest disappointment of all here, though, is that the season did not have to be this way. Not even close. It’s not like something like the aforementioned “Survivor Fiji”, where the cast mean the season was doomed before they even started filming. This cast had potential. As I said, there were a lot of intriguing new players this time around. But with so much time devoted to returning players, advantages, and the Edge of Extinction itself, they just get shunted aside. Thus, we cannot bond with them, or the season. Really, ALL the players on this season deserved a better season than what they got, and shame on CBS for taking something good and doing everything in their power to ruin it.

Ok, ok, let’s talk about something that actually goes WELL this season: The Reunion show. Still too little time devoted to it, but we talk with most of the important people, get a comment on most everyone, and most importantly, fewer pointless Probst segments. No audience interviews, no kid guessing the obvious winner. Hell, the only former player we see is a brief glimpse of Cochran, and then it’s at a relevant time to mention him. Yeah, I really don’t have any complaints about this particular reunion show, again apart from the length.

As to the upcoming season, it can only be an improvement. If you’re going to bring back returning players with new players, I think keeping the new players out of the competition is the way to do it. They can add flavor to the season this way, but also are less likely to dominate screen time as a result. It’s not a guarantee, so I’m holding my judgment until the season proper, and I am concerned about the lack of new player confessionals in the preview. Plus, getting advice from old players might encourage new players to ape their style, rather than going their own way. Still, there’s potential for good here, and those giant heads are just the kind of cheesy I can get behind, so I’ll give this season a fair shake. Now, onto discussing how my pre-season opinions matched up to reality, starting with:

Dan-Right on personality, wrong on time in the game. He made himself more necessary than I thought he would, and was smarter than I gave him credit for. That said, I count this one as a loss for me.

Reem-Overall right, though she was definitely feistier than I gave her credit for.

Rick-Pretty much right here, though I didn’t call his ending up on Edge of Extinction.

Wendy-Again, pretty well nailed the personality, though she was out earlier than I expected.

Lauren-Despite my saying she had more game than she gets credit for, I still say her personality was on point. Name one thing about her that wasn’t related to Kelley Wentworth. I’ll wait. Oh, and she lasted longer than I would have thought.

Keith-I’m seeing a trend here. Keith is yet another one where I called his personality, but was vastly wrong on his time in the game.

Chris-Wrong. Out earlier than I expected, but also had more game than I expected as well.

Victoria-She made it longer than I guessed, but I’d say I was right overall.

Ron-Wrong. Much more socially aware, and as a result longer-lived, than I ever anticipated.

Julia-Probably the only one on this list where I hit the nail on the head for both personality and time in the game.

Eric-Pretty much right, though I think I gave him too much credit in the “smarts” department.

Aurora-She made herself overall more low-key, at least pre-merge, and so lasted longer than I expert suspected she would. Good for her.

Julie-Wrong. Much less domineering, and much longer-lived than I gave her credit for.

Gavin-A little bit longer-lived than I expected, but Gavin fell pretty close to what I thought otherwise.

Kelley-Right, though as returnees are easier to predict, having seen their previous gameplay, I only consider this a half-win at best.

Joe-Right on vote-out time, wrong on his coming back to win the whole thing.

Aubry-Wrong. I’m not sure how much time is needed for people to think of her more as “Survivor Game Changers” Aubry rather than “Survivor Kaoh Rong” Aubry, but clearly, it’s not enough.

David-Wrong. Dude managed to hang in there better than I expected. How is it people remember Aubry’s (earlier) performance better than David’s?

This would normally be the point where I end the blog. However, loathe though I am to admit it, and however little this season deserves it, it’s time for another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5

Let’s talk about moves. They need to be made on “Survivor”. Even choosing to not make a move is, in and of itself, making a move. As such, one can usually point to a winner’s moves to explain how they won the game. We’ll be talking about the best actions winners have taken, while also acknowledging those moves that SHOULD have ruined winners games, but they were able to come back from. A couple of ground rules: The move has to be from the season the winner won on. I could vilify Cochran’s flip on “Survivor South Pacific”, but that has no bearing on his win on “Survivor Caramoan”. Second ground rule: It has to be one specific move. Something a winner did overall, such as their social game, isn’t the subject of this list. That said, let’s start with the best of the best, with…

TOP 5

5. Boran Throws the Challenge (“Survivor Africa”): Technically cheating a bit here, since this was a move by a tribe, not just by the winner. However, Ethan seemed to be the one spearheading this move, and it’s my list, so I’ll count it. It was definitely a risk, and I’m normally the first to come out against throwing a challenge, but it cannot be denied that this worked out well for Ethan. It kept his allies on Samburu safe, built trust with T-Bird and Frank, and pretty much decimated any hope of the old Samburu coming back together as a unified whole. Maybe not Ethan’s move alone, but definitely one that helps ensure his victory.

4. Tom Mind-Screws Ian (“Survivor Palau”): At this point in the game, Tom’s only competition was Ian. True, he probably wins the game no matter who he’s against, but it’s much more up in the air against Ian than anyone else. When the plan to oust Ian at the final four goes awry, Tom now has little choice but to duke it out against a younger competitor at an endurance challenge. No mean feat to win. So Tom, to ensure his victory, preys on Ian’s guilt, and gets in his head to the point where Ian gives up, handing Tom victory on that season, and a spot on this list. Again, I keep him low because I think he had it won regardless, but it was a good bit of insurance, just in case.

3. “Please, take this risk.” (“Survivor Vanuatu”): This, frankly, is the reason why Chris Daugherty is a winner. The man had tried and failed multiple times to break up the women, usually at the expense of Eliza. It was only when he had the brainwave to USE Eliza, rather than target her, that finally got him success, and overcome a 6-1 deficit to win. Admittedly, the idea was Scout’s, which is why Chris doesn’t land higher on this list, but without Chris’ salesmanship, it wouldn’t have worked, so he deserves some credit. Also, this means that Chris from this season now hold the distinction of being the second person to win who shares a first name with a previous winner (Natalie White of “Survivor Samoa” and Natalie Anderson of “Survivor San Juan del Sur” being the first pair to do so).

2. “Coach is gunning for you.” (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”): Aw yeah, now we get to talk about the awesomeness that is Sandra! For those who say her game was all about doing nothing, this is my counter-argument. She and Courtney Yates, her only ally, were dead in the water. But one simple conversation with Russell Hantz, and suddenly that paranoia makes neither of them a major target. As Sandra doesn’t even make the merge without this move, it’s safe to say it won her the game, as well as a spot on this list.

1. The Buddy System (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Look, I never said this season had no redeeming features. I just said they were drowned in a sea of mediocrity. That said, it cannot be denied that Boston Rob had a good strategy here. By isolating everyone so that his sycophants would never think of flipping, he managed to maintain his iron grip on the tribe, even when up against players better than what he had in the pre-merge. It made the season boring and predictable, but it cannot be denied it was good strategy.

Honorable Mention: J.T.’s Crocodile Tears (“Survivor Tocantins”): You may remember that J.T. gave quite the performance at the “Survivor Tocantins” final tribal council. Acting indignant and hurt at Stephen’s supposed “betrayal”. I even saw some tears there. There’s a reason J.T. was the second shut-out victory in the history of the show, but I keep this off the list proper because I can guarantee that J.T. wins the game even without this. Stephen was respected by the jury, but wasn’t worshipped like J.T. was, so all J.T. did was humiliate Stephen still further. Unnecessary, J.T. “Survivor Cambodia” would do that well enough.

BOTTOM 5

5. Jenna’s Emotional Breakdown (“Survivor The Amazon”): I’ll admit, I’m a bit reluctant to mark someone down for showing emotion on “Survivor”. That said, the fact remains that Jenna’s breakdown at the final five did her no favors. When it’s kind of a coin toss between you and your ally as to who goes home, telling people you’re ready to go is not a good look. I keep it this low on the list because I don’t think Jenna made this as a “move” per se, but not having as good control on the emotions is a mark against a potential winner, as we saw with Julie this season.

4. Sandra Throws Out the Fish (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Yes, for all that we must praise Sandra for her awesomeness, we must also point out where she messed up. Sabotaging the tribe, especially in the early seasons of the show, was often a death sentence. Moreover, Sandra was doing this out of petty revenge for the betrayal of Rupert, rather than any strategic reasoning. It would be one thing if Sandra had intentionally tried to cover her tracks, but she just got lucky that Christa took the fall. If she hadn’t, Sandra might well have been gone out of sheer frustration from the tribe. Sandra is still awesome, but she’s lucky this move didn’t backfire on her.

3. Final 6 Rock Draw (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”): I keep this one from higher on the list because I see little Tyson could have done in this situation to prevent this, save keep a tighter grip on Ciera. That said, not having your allies in check is a sin even Tyson is not exempt from. This move really could have cost him the game had he drawn the wrong rock. True, the risk was greater for the other alliance (two members drawing rocks as opposed to one), but still, if Tyson draws the wrong rock, that season is never the same. Too much of a risk, so it earns a spot on this list.

2. Mike and the Auction (“Survivor Worlds Apart”): While Tyson’s move had the CHANCE of him going home, I’m AMAZED this didn’t send Mike home. For starters, the idea itself is bad. Going back on a deal YOU YOURSELF suggested makes you look like a dick, especially since it involves messages from home, which are always emotionally charged. No advantage is worth that in a social game like “Survivor”. But then Mike doubles down on the idiocy by then following through on the deal, meaning he gets no upside. People hate you for trying to backstab them publicly, and you don’t even get the advantage you were going for in the first place. It’s only through the grace of immunity that Mike won. This really should have cost him the game.

1. Chris Trusts Wardog (“Survivor Edge of Extinction”): This one’s a no-brainer. The only thing worse than a winner making a move that could POTENTIALLY get them voted off is them making a move that ACTUALLY votes them off. A person who wins despite their mistake costing them their spot in the game is the type of winner I just can’t get behind, if I haven’t already made that clear.

Honorable Mention: MAD (“Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”): I keep this one off the list proper because the idea was good. Take someone you want as an ally, and share secrets so you both have an incentive to stay aligned. This is what Adam did with Taylor regarding their various advantages (a reward steal for Adam, plus hidden food for Taylor). The flaw here is that Taylor is not exactly playing what we might call a “strategic” game, and thus has no incentive to worry about messing up his own game. Thus, he outs Adam’s deception, and Adam comes off looking the worse for it. I even wrote at the time that Adam had torpedoed his own chances of winning with this move, so it must be talked about here.

At long last, we come to the end of this season, and good riddance. I’ll say it before, and I’ll say it again: everyone involved deserved a better season. We had a cast that, while not the stuff of legend, was definitely solid and could have developed good future returnees. However, a combination of too much focus on the returnees, too many advantages, time taken away for the Edge of Extinction, and a winner who only really showed up in the last episode, means this season doesn’t really even count as “Survivor”. If it must, though, it’s the very bottom of the “Survivor” pile. At least we get a nice long break before the next season. That’ll give us time to get invested again.

But what of this blog during the off-season? Don’t worry, content will still come, but don’t expect the return of “Survivor Retrospectives” yet. Don’t worry, I still intend to finish, but they take a lot of work, and I’m just burnt out on them at the moment. That said, I’ve had a couple of ideas for new blog topics, including one feature I hope to make a regular thing, that I’ll be rolling out over the summer, and I hope you enjoy them.

Let’s end this on a high note. One positive I can say for the season: NO PLAYERS BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE! Yes, the tradition of “Idol Speculation” is finally broken, and no players have busted down my wall insisting on an audience, and closing me a lot in repairs. At last, I can go one season without calling a contractor…

CRASH!

RICK: DUN-DUN-DA-DA-DAH! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN!

MATT: GAAAAAAAAAAH!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Edge of Extinction” Episode 4: Sailor Wendy

Freeing chickens by moonlight/Spilling secrets by daylight/Busted ankle and she’ll still fight/She is the one named Big Wendy!

Yes, this introduction is corny, but it’s better than what we get on the show these days. Not only do we lack the awesomeness that is the “Survivor” theme song, but now we don’t even get Post-Tribal Council fallout. Why? Edge of Extinction, of course! Everyone’s favorite twist that just gets worse and worse with each passing episode! To its credit, though, we do at least get something different this time around. Reem and Keith were both allied, so their subsequent vote-outs were to be expected, and their bond largely intact. Chris, though? He is amongst those responsible for their evictions, and so you can expect initial conversations to be, well, awkward. What you don’t expect is for Reem and Keith to be so vindictive. Granted, I’d expect lack of food to do that to anyone, but they really lay into Chris as though he’s the scum of the earth, gaining schadenfreude from his blindside. Ok, Keith I can kind of get. Chris was his play to stay in the game, and it didn’t work. But Reem? Yes, Chris voted against her as well, but he was just a number among many, and was by no means the orchestrator of her demise. Someone like Kelley, Lauren, or Wardog I could understand, but Chris was just someone on your tribe who didn’t vote with you. Guess what? SO WAS KEITH! Oh well. I feel bad for Chris here, but at least his judgement day gives us something different to watch.

Moving onto the players ACTUALLY in the game (I still refuse to consider those on the Edge of Extinction fully “in the game”), we see that Wendy’s chicken crusade continues. Trying a different tack, she returns the flint, now ready to enact her own version of “Chicken Run”. Here we see that Wendy’s TRUE flaw in the game is her inability to keep a secret, well, secret. We saw her earlier talk to Rick about her chicken-freeing plans, and now she nearly does the same with David. Some might be inclined to blame this on her Tourette’s, and I can’t rule out that possibility. However, given that she’s been shown to be high-energy regardless, and she didn’t talk about her Tourette’s making it hard for her to keep secrets, I’m inclined to say that has nothing to do with it. Wendy’s just really bad at keeping secrets.

Not helping Wendy’s case is the fact that people (Kelley in particular) have finally caught on that she STOLE THE FLINT! Better late than never, I suppose. Since this only adds to Wendy’s already substantial pile of “Royally Screwed”, she’ll need a big shift in order for things to work out for her. Cue the tribe swap!

Actually, that’s about our only cue. We forgo our usual foreshadowing confessionals (the person on the bottom talking about needing a miracle, the person on top talking about how safe they are, etc.), which I like. Shake up the formula once in a while, I say. Sadly, what we replace it with is arguably worse. Yes folks, it’s time for PROBST HYPERBOLE! Watch as Jeff Probst tries desperately to interest you in what has so far been a pretty lackluster season by making out that your average shocked tribe expression is the BIGGEST the show has ever had! Look, Probst, I get what you’re trying to do, but this was just way too obvious. Yeah, this was probably the biggest reaction so far of the season, but of the whole show? Whether you want to admit it or not, “Survivor Gabon” exits, and was a good season. If nothing else, it gave us the over-the-top reaction to the exit of Marcus Lehman, which is the REAL “Biggest reaction of all time”.

Thus comes our promised tribe switch, this time to three tribes. Now, I get why this is done these days. It helps prevent supermajorities, and shakes things up from your regular switch. But at this point, it’s become so predictable, I think it needs to be retired, at least for a little while. People are starting to guess a switch to three tribes is coming, and planning accordingly. Shake things up! Keep people guessing! Make for a more exciting game WITHOUT being really predictable. Hell, you even know what the buff color will be before the reveal. It’s green. Because with the exception of Angkor on “Survivor Cambodia”, it’s ALWAYS green! Look, as green is my favorite color, I’m happy to see it used more often, but give us some variety for goodness sake!

Well, at least the breakdown of our switch gives us some variety, in the form of a rare fall-out. This is not really a “switch” so much as a “dissolution”, as there are very few new interactions to be had. Joe, Aurora, Julie, Julia, and Ron all stay on Kama. Aubry, Victoria, Eric, and Gavin remain together as well, joining Wendy on Manu. This means that our big five alliance, the one that’s voted together at every Tribal Council so far, makes up the new Lesu tribe. A fun concept on paper, being effectively a swap that’s not really a swap, but then, when you think about it more, it’s really lame. Here’s where I’d normally describe the new dynamics this creates, but there are practically none! Everybody stays with everybody else! The only new interaction is on Manu, and even then, basically all it does is help Aubry stay in the game longer. Granted, I’m in favor of this outcome, but it doesn’t really add anything to the season. Ultimately, this just makes the swap seem like a pointless waste of what could instead have been a challenge.

That said, I must now nerd-out “Survivor” style, and call Gavin for saying that there’s never been a swap like this before. Yes, Gavin, there has. “Survivor All-Stars”? Second swap? Chapera and Mogo Mogo just switched camps, with only Amber ending up with new people? Granted, that was two tribes to two tribes, and the camps at least changed, but still, pretty similar situation, no? Some might argue that “Survivor All-Stars” goes into the same category as “Survivor Game Changers”, but I think “Survivor All-Stars” deserves more credit than that. Yeah, it’s by no means a top-tier season, but it had some fun moments, so big emotions involved, and if you look at it as less of a season in and of itself and more a love letter to past seasons, it actually works really well. Yes, I would argue that it’s better than “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” in that regard. Bite me. If nothing else, “Survivor All-Stars” is a guilty pleasure for me, and I think it needs more love.

Tirade over, we now go deeper into the dynamics of Lesu. Not since Angkor have we quite got a tribe that seems so screwed to be at the new camp. Post Angkor, it seems like the newly created tribe gets some advantage, whether it be an extra person (“Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”), getting a challenge beast on the tribe (“Survivor Game Changers”), or just getting someone who can make camp life extremely easy (“Survivor Ghost Island”), something seems to compensate the new tribe for their inherent disadvantage. This time, however, there’s nothing. True, no one with the possible exception of David seems to suck in challenges (and even then, David does usually have a knack for puzzles), but there’s no big guns either. No, Wardog does not count as a big gun, given his track record in challenges so far. Add onto that having to build a new shelter and start with no ship supplies, I’d say Lesu is in trouble.

Such tensions will usually get one person to crack, and this time that person is Lauren. She’s been having trouble eating, and the extra physical labor involved in the new camp is getting to her. I can’t say I don’t sympathize with her, but I must counter her claim that “‘Survivor would be fun.” Dear, I may not agree with Keith Nale (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”) a lot of the time, but this bit of wisdom from him rings true: “‘Survivor’ ain’t fun. Going on a cruise is fun.” I’m all for fans playing the game, but don’t have any illusions about what you’re getting into.

Moving over to Manu, Wendy is giving everyone the grand tour. Aubry should know the camp quite well, as it’s clearly the old Mana camp she spent the majority of “Survivor Game Changers” at, but evidently she’s being polite. Speaking of Aubry, her new lease on life is confirmed when Wendy begins spilling the secrets of Manu to her new tribe, which I can’t really blame her for. With no knowledge of the Edge of Extinction, she has no reason not to burn the people who perpetually kept her out of the loop, and since the old Kama seem set up to run the game, might as well ingratiate yourself now. Aubry goes full Boston Rob from “Survivor Redemption Island”, and laughs at the “ametures” (his words, not hers) giving up info so easily.

All well and good, but bear in mind that Aubry is with arguably three of the people most dead-set against working with a returnee from her old tribe. Why should she think Wendy will go before her, old Manu or not? Well, the answer to that is our old friends, the chickens! Yes, while Manu camp doesn’t have quite the amenities of Kama camp, it does have chickens, which Eric in particular is very keen on eating. Wendy once again sticks up for the chickens, and while Eric has a more sympathetic ear that most of the old Manu, he’s still pretty dead-set on killing a chicken.

Checking in with Kama, Joe now decides to turn on his “charm”, so that he doesn’t just have to rely on physical strength to carry him through the game. Not a bad idea in theory, but we quickly see that Joe doesn’t really know how to pull it off. The man was allied with Aurora and Aubry. Aubry is now gone, but he at least has Aurora on his side. This means all he needs is one more. Does he try to pull in Julie, the lady who has seemed most on the outs, and closer in age to Aurora, thus meaning a possible connection. No, that would be the SMART thing to do! Instead, he decides to try and convert Ron. You know, the guy Joe caught plotting against him LITERALLY TWO DAYS AGO! Look, a tribe swap can shake things up, but when all your tribe does is shrink, it’s probably not going to change things that much. Sure enough, Ron quickly reveals that his talk to Joe was all a ploy so that Julia could go through his belongings, checking for an idol. When no idol is found, Ron is willing to accelerate Joe’s demise, even at the cost of his tribe. I can understand the impulse, but I’m not sure it’s wise. Kama seems to be the overall weakest tribe, with their only saving graces being Ron’s puzzle ability and Joey Amazing. Get rid of half of that, and you can expect many a Tribal Council visit. With only original tribe members to vote out after that, there’s not a lot going your way.

Back at Manu, Wendy decides to enact Opertaion: Fly the Coop, sneaking in and releasing the chickens. It makes for a fun scene, and Wendy gives us Stereotypical Anime Girl Pose #5, which is something you rarely see on “Survivor”, so I enjoy it. What’s more, Wendy actually pulls the move off with SUBTLETY this time, waiting until everyone’s asleep, thus giving her plausible deniability. Good in theory, at least, but plausible deniability only carries one so far. Wendy, unfortunately, has been too vocal about the chickens, and so everyone can tell that she’s been planning this anyway. Things get worse when the chickens, territorial creatures, keep trying to come back to camp, forcing Wendy to shoo them away. Honestly, who can blame them for coming back? That was a sweep coop they had, with a net giving them a wide-open area. Shame we couldn’t have seen THAT being built. Maybe in place of, say, Edge of Extinction?

Eric in particular is mad about the chickens, stating that the first one he catches goes straight into the pot. This confessional is interrupted by the clucking of a nearby chicken. I have to admit, that’s good. It got a chuckle out of me.

Say, since we’ve got nothing by rehashed tribe dynamics for those IN the game, why no have some rehashed tribe dynamics for those out of the game? Yes, it’s back to the Edge of Extinction. Keith gives us a confessional about the temptation of the sail. What it means to him. How much easier than living on this island it is. Wow. A really touching confessional that brings something we haven’t heard before to the game. Almost makes this twist worth it. Too bad we have to the segway into more bashing of Chris for little reason. Chris, for his part, tries to redeem himself, and so takes out the fishing spear and brings back… wait, FISHING SPEAR! Dammit, “Survivor”, you can’t even stick to your own premise now! I thought “Edge of Extinction” players were supposed to get nothing, and now, not only do you give them rice, but you give them a fishing spear too? How is this in any way worse conditions than the regular camps? You’ve officially lost the right to say this twist in any way tests the metal of the contestants.

Chris comes back with fish, finally earning him some love from Keith and Reem. Talking about Reem for another minute, I’ll give credit that she’s at least toughening up during her time out there. When Chris and Keith complain about the conditions, she points out that this isn’t the Holiday Inn, and they can’t expect comfort. It’s fun to see from Reem, if only because it makes me see her as the second coming of Twila Tanner (“Survivor Vanuatu”) and it is glorious.

Our challenge today technically originates on “Survivor Samoa”, but is more directly copied from the second immunity challenge of “Survivor Cambodia”. Tribes first race up a pair of A-Frames, then tie rope to pull a crate. Then, of course, you solve a puzzle, with the first two solved puzzles winning immunity. A reused challenge, to be sure, but a cool and infrequent one, so I’m willing to let it slide.

I’ve talked briefly about the challenge abilities of Lesu and Kama, but let’s talk Manu for a second. Since most challenges are “only as fast as your slowest member”, I’d say they have an edge. They have puzzle ability in Aubry (and, as we’ll later see, Wendy), and probably the only guy comparable to Joey Amazing in Eric. With no real challenge sinks, I have a hard time seeing them lose a challenge. Kama has some of the physically weaker members, and Lesu just a lack of big guns, but Manu has no real weak suit. Give them any time of challenge, they’ll probably do well. That said, I feel like Manu is the most likely to lose based on targeting. They’ve had a lot of talk about taking out Wendy, and the vendetta against returnees may still stand for Aubry. True, we’ve had some talk on both other tribes about vote-related topics (Ron’s plan against Joe, Lauren being ill), but nothing that coalesces very well. Hell, despite Lesu being favored to lose based on strength, I’d say they’re least likely to lose based on screentime.

However, that all goes downhill pretty quickly, so let’s talk idols for a moment. I always favor the split idol when multiple tribes need immunity, but what they go with here is pretty cool as well. Probst pulls out a wooden phoenix to pair with the dragon, looking to be at war with each other. The idols have a theme and feel like they fit together, yet aren’t identical. It’s a cool and different way of having multiple idols. I still prefer having one idol that splits apart, but I like this better than either having a mini-idol or multiple copies of an idol, and I could see some creative idols coming out in the future as a result.

Dodo music heralds the demise of Lesu, as even a favorable amount of confessionals can’t spare them a trip to Tribal Council. Back at camp, everyone is devastated. As well they should be. This is the group that voted together every single time this season. The group that, as a result, has had the chance to form the tightest bond. And now they have to turn on each other, much sooner than expected. This should be touching. This should be the highlight of the season. This Tribal Council, on paper, should be the emotional equivalent of the Dan Barry boot on “Survivor Exile Island”. It should be that heart-wrenching. And yet… I don’t care.

You are, perhaps, wondering why I don’t care. The answer is simple. The vote out at the aforementioned Dan Tribal Council was impactful because of the time we spent getting to know the La Mina Tribe. While perhaps not as interesting as the clashing personalities on Casaya, we still knew who these people were. We still met them. We still cared about them. Who can we care about on this tribe, based on what we’ve seen? David and Rick? Ok, fair, they’re a funny and smart pair, but they still have yet to truly stand out. Everyone else? Lauren found an idol, good for her. Doesn’t make her a memorable player we’ve bonded with. Wardog? Fun for how he always ends up in charge of the boot, but still yet to carve a name for himself, and seems like he’s trying to hard when he does. Even Kelley, taken on her own merits this season, hasn’t done much to earn investment. As a returnee, she has an advantage in that department. And even THEN, we’ve seen more of people geeking out over her than we have anything from her properly. I love Kelley Wentworth as much as the next guy, but she needs to step it up. Bring out that charm and grit we saw on “Survivor Cambodia”.

Moving on to the strategizing, David and Rick quickly nix the “Vote out Kelley” plan, on the basis that “The time isn’t right.” according to David. Translation: Wardog won’t go for the plan, and we need him as a swing vote. As such, they decide to target Lauren due to her illness. This makes sense, as Wardog has seemed to favor that type of strategy so far. Plus, David suspects that Kelley has an idol at this point, and thus Lauren is the “safe” vote. Ok, this episode will completely redeem itself if David’s proclamation there is what ends up biting him in the butt on this vote.

Kelley and Lauren, as you’d expect, are our other pair, and quickly decide to target Rick as being more likely to flip in the event of the merge. I can kind of see that, but if I was Lauren, I’d push harder for David. Bigger threat, not great in challenges so far, and getting rid of him gives you power over the returnees left. Perhaps Kelley wouldn’t go for it? In any case, Wardog once again finds himself the swing vote, and at this point I think we have to assume that it’s his maneuvering that’s got him in this position. Given that he’s the swing vote at pretty much EVERY vote so far, it has to be intentional. He claims to be unsure of what to do as we head off to Tribal Council, but really, the outcome is obvious. Lauren will go home tonight. She’s fun and all, but Rick has been built up as a big character for the season, if not the overall breakout character of the season. No way we lose him now. That said, it will be the wrong move for Wardog. The debate here is down to strength versus loyalty, and given that the old Manu will almost certainly be down in numbers come the merge, loyalty is needed. Plus, Wardog as an in with at least Kelley, whereas Rick and David seem inseparably tight. Then again, who said Wardog always makes the smart move?

Rick kicks off our festivities tonight with a fun fake broadcast for the “Lesu News Network”. Frankly I’m surprised it took him this long to make a joke like that. The wait was worth it, though, as it is quite funny. Sadly, the rest of Tribal Council does not live up to it. Again, it SHOULD be really emotional. Everyone hits all the right beats, talking about how bonded they are, and how they don’t want anyone to go. But because we just don’t care about the people experiencing it, we don’t care about the experience.

Even the shock that Wardog did the smart thing and send Rick home isn’t enough to save it. Granted, it’s better than a predictable vote, but now I’m just sad we lost one of the biggest characters of the season. It was the smart move, but Rick brought much-needed levity to the season. With him gone, not only does Kama’s dominance seem assured, but now it will be all the more hollow without our funny man.

This episode needed to help a season that has been struggling overall, but did not deliver. There were one or two bright spots of humor, but apart from that, again, we just don’t care. It’s still salvageable, but we need to connect more with this case, and we need to do it now. Can it be done with Edge of Extinction taking up more and more time each episode? Possibly, but it’s an uphill battle. Still, I’ve been wrong before. Perhaps this is one of those times.

As a final note before I sign off, I want to talk briefly about our “Next Time On…” preview. I normally don’t mention these, as doing so would be pointless, but I feel so strongly about something that I need to call BS. Much as it pains me to say it, I don’t see an Aubry/Wendy/Victoria alliance coming to fruition. Victoria was too set against returnees. My guess is that, like Ron with Joe, it’s just another diversion. You heard it here first!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Edge of Extinction” Episode 2: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Everyone, I have an announcement to make: The cliche joke of “Christmas in July” has been cancelled. This is not, as one might expect, due to people getting tired of a joke that wasn’t really funny to begin with, but because we are now so impatient that waiting until July is now too much for us. Christmas will now take place again in February. Late February, admittedly, but February nonetheless. It will then repeat every other month ad infinitum. This is barring, of course, that Aubry manages to win this season somehow. Then it will become a daily occurrence.

For all my stealing of yet another comedy writer’s joke, this is hardly an exaggerated opening. I’m not normally a fan of shifting things around in editing unnecessarily, but if there was a way to somehow make this the first episode, I would do it. Frankly, this episode blows the premiere out of the water in nearly every category. What does it do so well? Let’s find out, after our opening feature…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

It seems not even having a short premiere lets me escape the bane of forgetting important points from the previous episode. And yes, I said “points” as in plural. Admittedly, one thing I missed was just a minor joke opportunity. When her tribemates go to talk to her about her behavior, Reem happens to be holding a machete, which they awkwardly ask her to put down. Funny enough on its own, but it also makes a nice callback to an early season. Clearly Reem is somehow channeling the spirit of the still-alive machete fanatic Matthew Von Ertfelda (“Survivor The Amazon”).

The other missed point, though, is somewhat more serious. In talking about our new players, I neglected to mention Julie. Not to be confused with Julia, Julie is an older player on the Kama tribe. The toymaker, if that helps you remember her. Her confessional of the premiere is talking about her lack of outdoor experience, having lived in New York City all her life. A pretty standard confessional that wouldn’t bear much mention were it not for the fact that, since the show’s focus has shifted away from actual survival, such confessionals are a rarity these days. It’s kind of nice to see this type of confessional return in a retro way, and while it doesn’t do much to make Julie stand out, it’s still nice to see. And don’t worry. Julie will begin to stand out in the next episode.

Moving on to our episode proper, we start things off at the Edge of Extinction, which is apparently what “Extinction Island” is actually called. A little on the nose there, production. Rem gives us some shots of her wondering around for a bit, then goes to read the placard of the Edge of Extinction, giving her a bit more info on what’s expected of her while she’s here. It’s all information that we’ve gotten before, so I’ll spare you a summary. Suffice to say, Reem is not pleased, though mainly due to the lack of a time frame for the Edge of Extinction being mentioned. She then sets about making life there livable. True, she does have the husk of a ship’s hull for a rudimentary shelter, but that won’t be enough when the torrential rains come. Weaving palm fronds, Reem sets about considering how she ended up here, and to her credit, comes to the hard conclusion that she presented herself poorly. It shows good self-knowledge on her part, and makes me intrigued for her chances should she come back in the game. Isolation is tough on the best of us, and Reem breaks down a little, talking about leaving her kids for so long only to be voted out first, before sucking it up and getting on with life. We transition away with a pensive shot of her looking out at the ocean. A nice, short scene, but one that shows a lot of character growth for Reem, and is pretty nice to look at as well. If we’re going to have an “Edge of Extinction” in the game, it’s been handled nicely so far. It’s there and it adds character, but doesn’t take up more time than is necessary. That said, I’m still not sold on this twist, if only because I feel a lot of why this worked is the isolation. As soon as Reem gets company, a lot of the interest goes away.

Transitioning to the Manu camp, we come upon the tribe playing the favorite game of all “Survivor” Contestants: Who most resembles a zombie? Seriously, I feel like every couple of seasons we get a shot of people comparing the gray and wrinkled-ness of their hands. Nice to see that some traditions survive.

As for our fallout from the past Tribal Council, I’m pleased to report that Wendy falls on the good side of how to handle the wrong side of the vote. Nearly perfect in fact. Rather than frame her siding with Reem as an emotional decision, Wendy highlights to Rick (I refuse to follow Probst’s lead and call him “Devans”) the danger of keeping Kelley Wentworth in the game. Not only does Wendy express few if any sour grapes, but by presenting her argument so logically, she paints a target on someone other than herself, and leaves people open to working with her, which she’ll need if she hopes to survive in this game. It also helps a lot that Wendy reins in some of her excesses a little bit.

Sounds like a textbook way to work back into the fold after picking the wrong side. So, why do I say “nearly perfect”? Well, as a new player, Rick is likely to want to take out a returnee. After all, they’re objectively the largest threat to his game. Other returnees, however, are less like. And guess who else happens to be in on this conversation but David, the other returnee of the tribe. Sure enough, he gently indicates to Wendy that things aren’t probably going to go that way.

This conversation does not go unnoticed by Kelley Wentworth and co. Sensing a blindside brewing in the wind, she, Wardog, and Lauren agree that an eye must be kept on Wendy, lest she find an idol. More on that plotline in a bit.

Over at Kama, Ron livens things up by helping the tribe coe up with a tribe dance. Wonder where that is in his school curriculum? It’s a nice scene of everybody bonding, but soon, we get the intrigue that goes on behind the scenes. Aubry complains about not going to Tribal Council first, which seems a bit weird to me. Aubry, as a player, works best when she has a bit of time before the strategizing starts. She’s a social player, and so needs time to work her way into people’s good graces, especially on a season where she’s seen as a big target like this one. Given how Eric and Gavin in particular were targeting her last episode, I think she’d be thrilled. Now, I do understand her argument that it’s harder to see where the strategic lines are drawn without a Tribal Council, but again, Aubry’s best strategy is built up slowly over time, and it’s hard to observe battle lines if you’re, you know, voted out.

Then again, perhaps we’ve been slightly overselling Aubry’s social prowess here. She starts putting some feelers out to people, in particular asking a clearly disinterested Victoria and Julia about how they feel about returnees. Aubry is at least bright enough to read the room, seeing that this is getting her nowhere, and compares herself and Joe to ants under a magnifying glass, in danger of being fried by the sun. A funny metaphor. A worthy successor to her original “Oregon Trail” confessional. But possibly not enough to save her. Not helping her case is that she’s been having one-on-one conversations with people, and using some similar phrasing in them. This is hilariously edited into a montage, where we see Aubry saying similar things over and over to different people. Now, the awkwardness of these conversations may just be editing, as Victoria does say that Aubry does a good job of socializing with people, but the fact remains that people talk, and it kind of undercuts Aubry if people are seeing this. We go to commercial with Aubry being in just as bad, if not worse, of a position than she was before.

Back at Manu, we see that Rick and David are bonding over a shared sense of humor. David, the guy who wrote for “Family Guy” even calling Rick “hilarious”. Though, given that David wrote for “Family Guy” this may not be a compliment. That said, Rick did get a couple of zingers in there, both intentional and unintentional. Rick is a proponent of the “shields” strategy, wanting to keep people who will be voted out before him. To this end, David makes sense to ally with and keep around, as unless your returnee is “Purple” Kelly Shinn (“Survivor Nicaragua”), they will always be a bigger target than you. What’s funny is that Rick doesn’t say “bigger threat” than him. He just says “bigger” than him. We then immediately cut to a shot of David, who, to use another cliche, probably weighs about 90 pounds soaking wet. Ok, ok, we should also acknowledge Rick’s intentional humor, and I did like his line about promising “to blindside David at the Final Four”.

This, of course, leads the pair to talk about Wendy’s proposal against Kelley, and David now seems more on board with it than ever. He says that Kelley probably won’t keep him around too long, and he may need to make a move on her first. Here, I have to raise my eyebrow. True, Kelley isn’t likely to want threats around, as except perhaps for Joey Amazing, she’s the biggest fish in the entire pond this season, but I don’t see her wanting to vote out David too early. The trouble is, it sets a bad precedent. It’s like the winners going first in “Survivor All-Stars”. The pattern of “Get out returnees” is made, and now there’s nothing to be done to stop it. If Kelley takes out David, it eliminates a threat, but makes it more likely she goes after him. Since the same works in reverse for David (and is arguably even worse for him, since Kelley makes a good threat shield for him), I’m going to come out here and say that, for David and Rick, any plan to get out Kelley is not a good one, at least so early. Not helping things is when they ask Wendy how she would get the numbers to get rid of Kelley. There’s the three of them, obviously, and Wendy says Keith will be a fourth. But then, for the fifth, she says Wardog will come on board. Um, excuse me? Wardog? The man who seems to be in the power trio with Kelley and Lauren? The man who seems almost as stubborn in changing his mind as Wendy herself? Yeah, not buying that. Don’t see how that could happen. Thus, the plan is tabled for now, and with that pitch, I can understand why. Now, if I were them, I would go for Chris as the fifth. He’s part of the majority, but doesn’t seem intimately tied with them, and might not want to risk a tie so early. If you were looking to get a solid fivesome together, I’d look to him as your fifth.

And no, I assure you I’m not saying this with the benefit if hindsight. Those were my exact thoughts at the time.

It seems Manu is not the only tribe that can get idol paranoia. Eric and Gavin, worried about Aubry or Joe finding an idol, agree to amp up their idol search. Thus, all of the guys at camp (even Joe, according to the edit) go out on the hunt, searching through every conspicuous-looking tree, which as Gavin points out, is all of them. This leads Victoria, Julia, and Julie to come together and channel the spirit of Angelina Keeley (“Survivor David vs. Goliath”), talking about how blatant the guys are being with their idol hunt, and asking why THEY can’t find an idol. All great questions! An intriguing way to shake up your usual idol search! Now, if only they would DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Seriously, they talk on and on about how they need to be a part of the search, and there’s no reason why they can’t find an idol. A perfect set up for them to turn the tables on our usual idol narrative. Yet all they do is talk about how they should do something, instead of, you know, ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING! I’m all for good buildup, but we need at least some payoff.

To be fair, we do get a bit of payoff in the form of getting to know Julie a bit more. She talks about how this idol moment has told her she’s maybe playing the game wrong, and may need to step up a bit more. A great growth arc that really makes Julie stand out to me, which as I’ve said is something this season sorely needs. I’ll be watching Julie with great interest now. But there’s also an ulterior motive here. Julie was mostly talking about changing herself, but she also had a few comments about not letting others, particularly the guys, run her game. Might this be the beginning of a women’s alliance on the tribe with a female majority? The Aubry Lobby hopes so, and fully supports any efforts in this direction!

Not to have their plotline taken away from them, Manu sets about their own full-scale idol hunt. This is mainly spurred by Kelley, who doesn’t like having her name in the wind, noting that it can flare up at any time. I understand her concern, but I think she needs to get used to it. As I say, she’s arguably the biggest target of the whole season. Her name coming ups not something she can really avoid. She can only hope to contain it as it comes. Luckily for Kelley, the idol is found by her close ally Lauren. It’s deep in a dead tree, but I still feel it was too easy to find. Even that deep, the bright blue packaging really stood out. Good for Lauren, though I do have to dock points for her using the idol find to talk about her fangirl crush on Kelley again. Understandable, but this means the show feels the need to give us a “Survivor Cambodia” highlight reel. Show, you’re doing fine this episode. Don’t ruin it by reminding us of a better season. To Lauren’s credit, she does keep the idol secret from everyone, so that’s one mark in her favor.

Off to our immunity challenge, which is a repeat of the second immunity challenge from “Survivor Game Changers”, involving carrying a giant snake from the water to the shore, finding numbers for a combination lock in it, and tossing rings onto oars to spell “Immunity”. Poor Aubry probably gets PTSD flashbacks from seeing this challenge, and in case you think she doesn’t, don’t worry, Probst is there to remind you of it! Sensing the pain he has caused, Probst quickly shifts talk to the reward to go with the challenge, which offers a choice. The winning tribe can take either spices, knives, and a cutting board, or fishing gear. I’m all for choice, but make it a tough one. No question, fishing gear, the thing that can actually sustain you in the game, is the superior choice.

As we let Julie wisely take her spot on the sit-out bench, I have to applaud the editing this episode. Apart fro giving us the few hilarious moments and pretty shots I’ve previously mentioned, they’ve done a good job of balancing the tribes this episode. All have had some strategy talk, and while Manu has more coherent targets than Kama, there’s no clear favorite in terms of the edit as to who wins and who loses. Kama has maybe a slight edge, due to only Aubry’s name being thrown out, and thus lacking misdirection should they lose, plus Manu already being down a member, and not having Joey Amazing, but it’s decently even if you don’t watch anything other than what’s on the show proper.

Too bad I do watch more than just what’s on the show proper! As I say, Aubry is the only real coherent target from Kama this episode, and when one of her intro shots hasn’t been seen yet, you can bet this is a loss for Manu. Don’t believe me? Watch as Probst goes out of his way to point out just how bad at swimming Keith is! Yes, Keith was favored by the first immunity challenge playing to his strengths, but this one shows off his weaknesses. For all my ribbing of Probst, I’m not sure his narration really did Keith in. Keith did a fine job of that himself. This challenge is designed to show off the weakest link, and Keith was clearly that in multiple legs of the challenge. Like the Mana tribe before them, Manu do make it closer than it seems at the outset, but also like Mana, they can’t pull it off, as between the tossing skills of Eric and Joey Amazing, Kama wins immunity. Guess this is what Joe meant by “holding back”: Only winning HALF the challenge for his tribe.

Kama does the smart thing and takes the fishing gear reward so nothing to comment on there. Wardog, meanwhile, is on the warpath. Yes, folks, I waited all of two episodes to use that joke. It’s just the kind of restraint I have. In any case, Wardog, ever the subtle one, is big on “tribe strength” at the moment, meaning we now have a third target in Keith. True, we’re about halfway through the episode, but I can forgive hiding Keith as a target until now, since he really didn’t become a target until now.

Back at camp, while Kelley is resistant to the idea of not targeting Wendy, she also realizes that Wardog is not easily swayed, and thus Keith seems to be the consensus. Keith, trying anything to save himself, talks to Chris about how much Chris has helped him out, and swears undying loyalty to him. This gets Chris thinking. Undying loyalty is not something to turn away lightly, and so Chris gets to thinking maybe the target shouldn’t be Keith. You’d think he’d just go back to Wendy as the target, but Chris begins thinking bigger. He approaches Rick and David with a plan to get out, you guessed it, Kelley. This is basically gift-wrapped for Rick and David. They can get their five, but don’t seem to be scheming, as everyone else thinks it was their own idea. That said, it’s still probably best for them to go with Keith as the boot this episode. Why? Well, as they stated earlier, they want to keep Wendy around for her loyalty, so she’s not a good option. But getting rid of Kelley removes a great shield very early in the game. Keith is a third option that keeps the two biggest targets around, thereby protecting you and keeping your options open. True, Keith was supposed to be a part of the plan to oust Kelley, but even if he leaves, as Chris has shown, there’s still support for a coup against Kelley. Plus, it does keep the tribe stronger, and unless you have a swap in the offing, you need all the strength you can get.

Still, things seem perfectly in place. How could this plan possibly fail? Chris goes to Wardog. You know, the guy everyone talks about being unpersuadable? Yeah, smooth move their, Chris. Wardog, unsurprisingly, is not open to the idea, but he and Chris go away from the conversation with no clear winner, thus keeping the suspense in the air before Tribal Council. Yet another thing this episode does much better than the first one.

As a side note before Tribal Council: Props to Wendy! She did a fantastic job of staying just out of the spotlight enough for other people to become targets. She seemed poised to go after Reem, and yet she didn’t. That takes some skill, and she deserves much praise for it.

That said, the one thing the first episode has over this one is a more exciting Tribal Council. This one has better misdirection, as I’m really not sure who between Keith and Kelley is going, but that also means that everyone plays their cards close to their chest. Kelley herself probably gives the best performance, arguing well why keeping around a returnee might be in the other’s best interest. But it’s mostly good strategic double-talk, and while it keeps the mystery alive, and shows that these players are smart, it does not make for the stuff of legends.

Keith ends up on the losing side of the coin this time, which as I hope I’ve indicated, is the smart move for most involved. It’s not smart for Wendy, and Chris is a bit of a toss-up, but smart for everyone else. I’m a bit mixed on how I feel about Keith. On the one hand, I quite like the guy. Yeah, he kind of sucked at swimming, but he put up every effort, and within the game, did everything he could to stay alive. I enjoyed his spirit, and hoped to see more of it as the season went along. He’s one of the few new player’s I’ve connected with as of episode one. That said, I’m not sure I could in fairness say I’d rather he stayed over Kelley. That’s not knocking him, it’s just that few people are Kelley Wentworth. I guess what I’m saying is there was no good choice this episode, but he was the least bad choice.

“But,” I hear you ask, “What of Edge of Extinction? Surely Keith chose to go there?” Well, he might, but I suspect not. The producers, in one more clever move this evening, keep it hidden whether or not Keith choses to try again in the game. They even get in a good fake-out shot where Keith moves towards the torch and they pan to a close up of it, making it seem like Keith is going, only to show him pulling away and asking God for advice. We end with no clear answer as to where he goes. If this is just a fake-out so we suspect people might not go to Edge of Extinction, I’m thrilled. It’s well-done, and adds variety to the exits, instead of just seeing basically the same scene over and over again. That said, I suspect this is just their way of making people who choose to leave for good “exciting”. If so, that’s disappointing, but I could at least understand why Keith would choose not to. The kid’s 19. He has his whole life ahead of him. With his challenge performance so far, I’d say any chance of winning, even if he were to return, is most likely shot. Given that, he might just want to pack up and move on. I’d be disappointed, but I’d understand.

Like I said before, great episode! The editing is top-notch, the misdirection well-done, and now we’re starting to connect more with the cast! Admittedly, Kama is still largely a blank slate, save for our returnees, Ron, and Julie, but they’re becoming a likable bunch, and Manu now nearly all have some depth to them. Chris is kind of “blah”, but at least he thinks for himself. Keep up this trend, and this season may save itself from itself yet.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Edge of Extinction” Episode 1: Oedipus Complex

Ja, ‘allo. Velcome back to ze blog about your seelly leetle island game show. Now zen, let us get straight to ze point: Tell me about your mazur. Vat’s dat? You wish to talk about ze aesthetics? Ze alliances? Ze returning players? No, no, no. Everything comes back to ze mazur. Zis is ze case in all cases. Ah, she eez ze nag, ja? As I thought. Hence your desire to keel her, ja? Vat’s dat? You wish to, how you say, “vote zer off?” Zis makes no difference. Death, castration with ze phallic symbol, eet ees all ze same thing.

Hoo boy, it’s time like these when I wish I did vlogs rather than blogs. Accents are hard to remember to keep consistent, and even harder to convey in writing. Still, I need to do SOMETHING with that Psych. Degree. And so, I welcome you back to “Idol Speculation”, my knee-jerk opinion that everyone is entitled to. With a one-hour premiere, I’m able to blog as needed, so let us get started.

Our Probst narration is nothing special, as is the vehicle porn, though admittedly CBS just couldn’t resist giving us TWO boats instead of one. Somebody hold me, I may faint from excitement.

We get our requisite commentary from the new players, though even with the premiere being only an hour, they seem like an afterthought. We only hear from three people, and all on the same tribe I might add, and of those, one third of them were just talking about how awesome the returnees were. Hence, we spend most of our time extolling the virtues of these returnees, and how great they are. And yeah, as I talked about in my cast assessment, they’re good people to bring back. Just wish they didn’t overshadow the new players so much. That said, I wouldn’t trade David’s asking Jeff not to highlight his early weakness on “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X” for anything

Since this season wants to do nothing original beyond the whole “Edge of Extinction” thing, we of course must start off with a scramble for supplies on said boat. A bit of fun chaos to start off a season; just wish it wasn’t so overdone at this point. But of course, a scramble for supplies means the presence of a “Secret” Advantage. Really, though, at this point it should just be called “Advantage #572”, since it can’t really be “Secret” if EVERYONE EXPECTS IT TO BE THERE! Our big winner this time around is Ron. Good for him. We’ll get more into his advantage later.

Subtlety? Pah! That’s for seasons NOT completely dictated by what Probst wants! Not ONLY will we make it clear that the Kama Tribe (the one with Joe and Aubry) are the clear winners in terms of the scavenge, but we’re going to take time out to highlight in great detail Keith’s mediocre attempts at “swimming”! Guess which tribe will be the royally screwed tribe this season?

In all seriousness, I have a big bone to pick in particular with the highlighting of Keith, and not just because it’s another sign that the Manu tribe is doomed. No, while I didn’t highlight the Probst narration much, he did talk about the idea of “Edge of Extinction”. This, of course, meant showing footage of someone walking along the beach of the island bootees are sent to, which happened to be a young black man. Now, when I first saw this, I figured this was just a member of the dream team (the people production keeps on hand to test challenges) they drafted to shoot this scene, and I proved to be correct. However, with the highlight of Keith’s failure, I was convinced throughout the majority of the episode that the show had given away the first boot just to screw with us. If so, I would have been pissed. That’s just too demeaning, too insulting for me to take. Thankfully it didn’t happen. You escape my wrath, show. For now.

Since there’s nowhere else particularly good to put it, I’ll mention here that I really like the design of the tribe “Flags” this season. Instead of being pieces of canvas, as has been the norm, these are painted on bits of flotsam, and hung that way. It’s a unique touch to the season that fits with the aesthetic and gives it character. Too bad this is one of the best things I can say about this episode, but good points should be acknowledged nonetheless.

Heading off to our camps, we first check in with Manu. After establishing that yes, Rick is really excited to be here, we put the focus where the show tells us it’s SUPPOSED to be, the returnees. David is up first, being asked for advice on shelter-building. He seems shocked by this, and frankly I don’t blame him. Little experience is better than no experience, I suppose, but remember, the “survival” aspect of “Survivor” is not where David’s strengths lie. He’s a major social and strategic player, but shelter-building? Let us not forget the struggle this guy had to break kindling for firewood. Put it this way: If he were in a stick-breaking contest against Stephen Fishbach (“Survivor Tocantins”), my money’s going on Stephen to win that one.

Kelley, meanwhile, is here to give us our strategic confessional for the tribe. Kelley, if you’ll recall, played from the bottom both times she’s been on the show. Yes, she was technically in the majority on the original Hunahpu tribe on “Survivor San Juan del Sur”, but if no one remembers you on that tribe, it doesn’t count. In any case, like someone who’s only played from the bottom, Kelley is bound and determined not to have this happen again. Hence, she sets out to create bonds with the new players, wisely starting with Lauren, the lady who seemed to orgasm at the presence of the great Kelley Wentworth on her season. Good choice, Kelley, good choice. Now, I’ll be saving my thoughts on the returnee strategy for the end of the episode, since it’s one of the more fascinating things to come out of the episode, but suffice to say, I think that Kelley’s strategy shakes out to be the correct one, at least for now.

Deciding that MAYBE if they want this season to be a success, they should let us bond with the new players, and not just the old, CBS deigns to give us some scenes of the newbies. Specifically, we get a scene of Wendy, Reem, and Rick weaving palm fronds together. Wendy makes kind of a funny noise during it, leading Reem to wonder what’s going on. Here, Wendy reveals that she has Tourette’s (there’s some disagreement on whether the proper term is “Tourette’s” or “Tourette’s Syndrome”, but since Wendy refers to it as the former, and it’s easier to type, I’ll be sticking with that), and talks about it in an open and honest way. Wow. I’m proud of both Wendy for being willing to talk about it like that, and the show for not hyping it into oblivion. Like the whole “Zeke is transgender” thing on “Survivor Game Changers”, I’m glad the show didn’t use it as a cheap marketing gimmick, but instead showed us naturally how that conversation came about, and let us in on the real, serious discussion the contestants have regarding it. This is the first time I really connected with this cast, outside of the returnees. How nice of them to do this A QUARTER OF THE WAY THROUGH THE EPISODE!

Enough with Manu, let’s check in at Kama. What’s that? Joey Amazing is doing his Joey Amazing thing, building a kick-ass shelter and starting a fire with a couple of sticks? I never would have guessed! We do first attempt to develop a bond with Victoria, talking about her superfan status and asking for a Buff for Christmas. This might have worked, but we spend all of about five seconds before we cut over to Joey Amazing being Joey Amazing. True, Joey Amazing says he’s trying to dial back the whole “Joey Amazing” thing, but frankly, I say that ship has sailed. That’s not the sort of thing you can put back in the box once it’s out there. Maybe on “Survivor Worlds Apart” he could have pulled that off, but frankly, no one would buy it at this point. Better for Joe to lean into the mythos. Make himself indispensable to the tribe, and make it seem as though daring to go against him is certain challenge death.

Kama is willing to give us a little more with our newbies, but that’s mainly because of Ron’s “secret” advantage. For once, he has to work for it a little more than just being at the right part of the ship at the right time. He’s told to dig three feet from his tree mail, and naturally rushes off to do that, finally revealing what his “secret” advantage is.

You know, with all the criticism of “Survivor Ghost Island”, and a lot of said criticism about the oversaturation of twists, you’d think production would have cut back on them a little bit. Of course, if you think that, you’d reveal yourself to be a complete ignoramus when it comes to “Survivor”. Now we’re not just content to give people one advantage, we’re giving them THREE! At least, that’s what I worried about (or Ron getting an insider’s guide to all the upcoming twists of the season), but actually, Ron’s “Twist Menu” as it’s called is something I can get behind. Similar to Debbie Wanner on “Survivor Game Changers”, Ron gets to choose between three possible advantages: a tribal reward steal, an extra vote, or an immunity idol. The catch is that Ron must make his choice prior to the third Tribal Council of the season, which I like. Time limits help make twists feel less like they’re bogging down the season (as well as reduce the chances of “Advantagegeddon” happening again), and choice is often the bread and butter of a good episode of “Survivor”. Ron holds off making a choice for now, which is correct, since he’ll want more time to suss out where he stands in the tribe. As to which advantage he should take, for me it really depends. What’s not clarified is if Ron’s CHOICE only has to be made by the end of episode three, or if the advantage has to be used by the end of episode three. If it’s the latter, I say go for the reward steal. True, it seems the least useful out of the three, and does make you unnecessary enemies from the opposing team, but it’s also the one most likely to be useful. Remember, Kama has been set up as the successful tribe of the season. They’re probably not going to Tribal Council for a bit. If the twist itself expires then, Ron might need to just use it or lose it. If, however, the thing he picks lasts indefinitely, I would say go for the individual immunity idol. Both it and the extra vote give you more power in the game, but the idol is flashier, and useful in more situations. Plus, since we and the players both know the idol nullifier is on this season, an idol you have but no one sees you look for would be a Godsend.

Ron earns my respect for being one of the few people we see mess up a dig site so it looks like no one was there, though I do have to ask: Did no one comment on Ron’s pants when he got back? Those were pure white, and the dirt stains were fairly noticeable to me. Granted, most people would get a lot of dirt on their clothes on “Survivor”, but those pants seemed fairly clean when Ron left. I think people would have questions about how they got so dirty on a simple walk.

Following our commercial break, we rejoin Kama again, because hey, we haven’t heard enough from the returnees, let’s get Aubry in on the action! She stays around just long enough to comment that she’s laying low, due to the returnee target, but we soon see that that matters little. After some humor from Gavin about him using his potential winnings to invest in a fourth stoplight for his town, talk between him and Eric turns to strategy. Sure enough, it’s our “The returnees need to go.” confessional, ultimately settling on Aubry as the target for tonight. As Head of the Aubry Lobby, it pains me to say this, but I have to agree with Eric that it’s the smart move. As a returnee, Aubry is like Cirie Fields (“Survivor Exile Island”). As a viewer, she’s a lot of fun to watch, but as a player, you don’t want her around. Aubry is no challenge sink, but she doesn’t bring much to the tribe, except for social and strategic prowess that can only be used to destroy your chances at winning the game. Granted, she’s not quite to the level of Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) where it’s worth throwing a challenge just to get rid of her, as Eric jokingly suggests, but should you go to Tribal Council, she’s probably who you want to get rid of.

Cut over to Manu, who don’t want to be left out of the strategizing. Manu, however, focusses more on annoyances than on threats. Sadly, our annoying one this time around is Reem, who despite being a fun character, doesn’t come across well here. Despite trying to hide her motherhood, she’s very motherly, trying to keep people’s clothes dry by moving them around periodically. Unsurprisingly, this does not sit will with the adult members of the tribe. Only Keith, the 19-year-old self-proclaimed “Mama’s Boy”, seems ok with Reem, and tries to warn her about how she’s coming across. Reem takes this advice, and shoves it back in Keith’s face, flatly rejecting any sort of change in how she interacts with the tribe, though at least she doesn’t hold it against Keith. I have to admit, Keith has grown on me this episode. True, I can’t say he’s the best at a number of aspects of the game, but at least he’s got a wide-eyed idealism that makes him fun to watch, and dammit, he tries to correct his mistakes, and that gets a lot of points from me. Specifically, he tries to practice his swimming, taking Reem and Wendy out into the ocean to spot him and give him tips.

Aww, how nice! The new players we’ve bonded with the most this season are out working together and helping each other! It’d be a shame if they were targeted right off the bat!

Oh look! There’s Rick now talking about how the swimming threesome are on the outs! Look, I get why each of them are being targeted. There are legitimate reasons. Keith can’t swim well, Reem’s annoying and motherly, and Wendy can be a bit high-energy. All legitimate reasons to be voted off. It’s just that, as I say, these are the only INTERESTING people out there, apart from the returnees. These are the only people we care about. Them being on the outs just furthers the downward slope this season seems to be going on.

Our immunity challenge today is our bog-standard team obstacle course, though with a few things to recommend it. The crow’s nest is a nice touch that fits with the aesthetic of the season. As the slide has no water, it gets my seal of approval. And adding balance beams ON TOP of balance beams? Diabolical! Shame all of this is outweighed by the fact that so many parts of this challenge are individual. One person rings the bell. One person crosses the beam (though more can come later at least). One person in the crow’s nest. For a challenge that should really be about team unity, this one misses the mark greatly.

That said, there are a few good things to talk about here. Firstly, that immunity idol. I wasn’t a fan when I first saw it, but it’s grown on me. Weird to say, but I like the fact that it’s default position has it facing sideways relative to the tribes. We don’t see that often in immunity idols, and it makes for a nice touch. Second, though I was put off at first by the amount of open space in it, I kind of like the holes in this idol. Again, they help it stand out, but not seem too weird. More importantly, though, by giving us relatively equal strategizing from both tribes, there is a good mystery as to who goes home. Granted, I’d say Manu is favored to lose, both due to not having Joey Amazing on their team, and due to having more targets than Kama (Reem, Keith, and to a lesser extent Wendy were all brought up, as opposed to just Aubry on Kama), but there’s some suspense here. Indeed, our tribes start out fairly even. But then, ooh the balance beam. The dreaded balance beam. If Chris Daugherty (“Survivor Vanuatu”) is watching, I’d say his PTSD just got triggered. One tribe does well on said balance beam, one tribe does not. Unsurprisingly, it is the tribe with Joey Amazing that does better. They go on to win the challenge, despite a decent fake-out on the puzzle, thus earning Kama fire as well as immunity.

Consensus quickly comes onto Reem as the boot, due to her being worse in challenges than Wendy. Of course, for all their quirks, Wendy, Keith, and Reem are not stupid. They realize their position, and set out to do something about it. They decide to try and break up the pair of Lauren and Kelley, since they seem too tight. Not a bad strategy, but with the Kelley-mania that seems endemic to Manu, putting that plan into motion is going to take poise. Finesse. A deft hand. Subtlety is key here.

Reem takes a page out of the playbook of Debbie Wanner circa “Survivor Kaoh Rong”, and starts strong-arming people into the plan, not even giving poor Rick time to answer that question. Safe to say that did not go well.

Keith certainly sees the writing on the wall, as he quite literally abandons Reem and Wendy to inform on their plans. I’d normally criticize Keith for abandoning the only people who seem willing to give him the time of day for an alliance where he’s seventh out at best, but then again, this is clearly a sinking ship, and Keith seems charming enough to weasel his way into a better position, given a couple of votes. Between this and the first challenge lacking any swimming component, I’d say Keith is off the hook for at least this Tribal Council.

Less safe is Wendy. Trying to feel her out to see how she is as an ally, Wardog decides to go spill the plan to oust Reem to see how she reacts to the plan. Wendy, naturally, wants to stay loyal to her friend, and pushes for the anti-Kelley plan. This in and of itself would not be the end of the world, but when Wardog gives increasingly blatant hints that Wendy should try to work with him, and Wendy just stays on her same track, it does not look good on her. Wardog now thinks he can’t work with her, and thus wants to target her even before Reem. An understandable strategy, and a Wendy exit would not be the end of the world for this tribe, but I say it would be the incorrect decision, and it’s precisely because Wendy is a more divisive element than Reem is. Both are relatively equal in annoyance level, but Wendy’s annoying traits are likely to stay annoying with time, where’s Reem’s mothering could decrease/be adjusted to with ease. This would make it seem like Reem is the better choice, but this early in the game, you want your alliance to cohere for the long haul. With Reem in the game, dissent is possible. With Wendy in the game, you have a common enemy, thus keeping things stable for you. Better to get out Reem in this round. Even so, this is an interesting debate, and leads to real tension going into Tribal Council.

Speaking of Tribal Council, it is GORGEOUS! They’ve done the whole “shipwreck” aesthetic before, but with the heavy Chinese influence, and the sheer amount of bits and baubles they have around, this Tribal Council just stands out in a good way. I particularly like that voting booth this time around. Granted, it’s a bit cramped, but I love that you have to go UP to get there, since you so rarely see that. The last instance I can think of where the voting booth was higher up than Tribal Council itself was on “Survivor Guatemala”, and pretty much anything that reminds me of that season gets my seal of approval. Hell, even the snuffer we’ll see later is great, having a unique “claw” design to it.

Good thing this Tribal Council is fun to look at, because all the tension gets sucked out of it INSTANTLY. There may have been other topics of conversation at this Tribal Council, but all we see is Reem, Reem, Reem. Rick brings up the divide pretty much instantly, with Reem in particular being singled out as on the outs. This sets Reem off to defend herself. Now, being the focus of Tribal Council is not a death sentence. After all, you could argue that Natalie Cole was the focus of the Goliath tribe’s first Tribal Council on “Survivor David vs. Goliath”, and she acquitted herself well. Sadly, Reem is no Natalie. She comes across as defensive, easily offended, and desperate to find any argument to cling to. Some make sense, like her “ageism” argument, but others, like the “targeting you is a compliment” directed a Kelley Wentworth just reek of desperation. With alternate target Wendy not even being mentioned, you can bet that Reem gets her torch snuffed this go-round. With the exception of Lauren, who was never really in danger of leaving anyway, any of the targets at this first boot would have been a loss. That said, I think Reem is the least loss of those targets. She brought a lot of personality to the table, but her unwillingness to change means she could have gotten old fast, and she was probably the smartest boot from a strategic perspective. Still, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t entertaining. Reem, you will be missed.

Fortunately for us, we get a bit more of Reem on our televisions for the foreseeable future. Rem comes upon the “Edge of Extinction” choice to some appropriately dramatic music. As one would hope, we see her consider her choice for about two seconds, before heading off to the “Edge of Extinction” torch in hand. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and Reem really sells the moment. Hell, even the arrival at the camp is quite dramatic, with Reem wandering around trying to assess her surroundings with no real clues to go on. A good way to introduce the twist, but I’m still not sold on it. Basically, while it’s cool to see someone try and figure out what’s going on with no guide, the minute someone goes to the “Edge of Extinction” when someone else is already there, that drama is gone. Maybe they’ll turn it around, but we’ll see.

This episode, it should be said, gets a lot of things right. In particular, a lot of the little aesthetic touches really sell the season. Too bad what it gets right is NOT the important stuff. The two major elements to help us bond with a season, an intriguing cast and good misdirection, are both missing from this episode. New cast members are passed over in favor of focussing on the returnees, and good misdirection gets squandered with obvious outcomes. Then, what few new cast members we DO bond with become the early targets. Look, the latter point is something out of the show’s control, but it’s another mark against the season as a whole. This episode is like someone writing out a romantic valentine, and spending all their time making sure the calligraphy on it is beautiful and perfect, yet only writing gibberish. It LOOKS nice, but there’s nothing of substance there, and there’s no reason to consider it beyond the initial look. This season NEEDED a strong start, and it really didn’t get it here. It can pick up, and I’ll have my fingers crossed, but the outlook is bleak at this point.

That said, I do want to end off by talking about one particularly interesting bit of strategy dichotomy amongst the returnees. The strategy of our returning players seems to evenly divide by tribe: David and Kelley on Manu own their celebrity status, and work openly to build alliances. Aubry and Joe and Kama, meanwhile, work to minimize their targets, keeping themselves on the down-low. So, which strategy is the correct one? Oddly, both. You see, the ideal strategy for a returnee varies depending on what type of tribe they’re on. If you’re on a tribe that’s likely to stick around and win challenges for a while, keeping your head down is the best move. It gives people time to get to know you as people, not celebrities, and eventually come around to how you may be helpful. Jonathan Penner most blatantly utilized this strategy on “Survivor Philippines”, but Mike Skupin also did so on the same season, and even Bobby Jon Drinkard on “Survivor Guatemala” to a degree. Conversely, if you’re on a disaster tribe, you need to take control, since returnees are big targets early. Stephanie LaGrossa on “Survivor Guatemala” is probably the best example of this, though one could argue that Russell Swan did a similar thing on “Survivor Philippines”. True, he didn’t last until the swap, but he avoided being first boot, which was something of an accomplishment for him. Time will tell which strategy wins out, though I fear Manu is being set up as such a disaster tribe that it won’t matter much. I predict Kama will steamroller this game, which would be a shame, as aside from Aubry, all the interesting people so far are on Manu.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.