“Survivor” Retrospectives: Nicaragua

HOLD EVERYTHING! I’ve found the time in my hectic life to start writing again, so I demand that you drop everything and read my pointless pontifications about “Survivor”! In all seriousness, this is very belated, but it’s time once again to start up “Survivor Retrospectives” a (somewhat) objective look back at “Survivor” seasons past, and seeing how they hold up in the passage of time. And we’re starting off with a doozy of a season this time! Yes, what this summer’s editions of “Survivor Retrospectives” may lack in quantity compared to other summers, we more than make up for in the quality of the seasons that must be assessed. Now, not to say that “Survivor Nicaragua” is a good season, far from it. In fact, Nicaragua is one of the most maligned seasons to date, and many people consider it the worst season of the show ever. But extremely bad seasons are just as much fun to analyze as extremely good seasons, and oh baby do we have a string of bad seasons coming up! Nicaragua just happens to kick off that list. But, does Nicaragua deserve the terrible reputation it gets? Frankly yes. Even I, who loves to have unpopular opinions about “Survivor” can’t defend this season as being “good”. But, is it quite as bad as everyone makes it out to be? I think not. Let’s take a closer look, and see exactly what this season does right, and why it doesn’t outweigh everything it does wrong.

Since it’s been a while, though, I feel compelled to remind everyone that this blog will contain spoilers. If you want to watch “Survivor Nicaragua” spoiler-free, do not read this blog! If you want to know whether Nicaragua is worth watching, but don’t want spoilers, scroll down to the bottom of this page, where I will have a section labeled “Abstract”. There you will find a spoiler-free opinion on the season as a whole, which should help in your decision. But enough chit-chat! Time to dissect this season for all it’s worth, starting with the place we usually begin, the cast.

CAST

As with many a bad “Survivor” season, people will tell you that the cast is the big problem with the season, and Nicaragua is a great example of this. In my opinion, however, the cast of Nicaragua is NOT it’s great weakness. It’s not a good cast, don’t get me wrong, but people tend to take a few bad apples and say that they poison the whole cast, forgetting that there were actually a few good characters in amongst the bad. Chief among these, most people will tell you, is Brenda Lowe, our “villain” for the season. I put “villain” in quotation marks on the basis that, at the time it was airing, most people considered Brenda a villain. Nowadays, though, compared to the rest of the cast, she’s considered the best thing to come out of Nicaragua, and therefore a hero. It also helps that she’s the only person from Nicaragua to ever come back. I can’t deny, I like Brenda about as much as everyone else does. A smart strategist who also happened to be an attractive young woman, Brenda was inevitably compared to Parvati Shallow (“Survivor Cook Islands”), which I don’t feel was entirely fair. The pair aren’t dissimilar, but while Parvati mainly played the flirt game and brought together a women’s alliance (along with a few side deals), Brenda took a different route. True, Brenda did use her looks to win a few allies to her side (notably Chase Rice), but she took the more straightforward route of creating a dominating alliance, and then spinning around those not allied with her to keep them off-balance. Not dissimilar, but also I think selling Brenda a bit short, making her seem like she was just a clone of Parvati. As I’ve discussed before, seasons and people can fall victim to simply coming after a popular season, and being compared unfairly to that season. Granted, I don’t think Brenda has too much of a problem with this, but I would say she’s slightly underrated. Not quite as underrated, though, as her strategic rival, Marty Piombo. Initially on the opposite tribe from Brenda, it seemed as though Marty was going to be Brenda’s rival come the merge. After the inevitable tribe swap, though, that storyline was sped up, as Marty ended up on the same tribe as Brenda, and in the minority. This, however, made him infinitely more interesting. Now Marty was having to struggle for his life, and as an obvious target, he was likely to be gone. Thankfully, Marty was no dummy, and despite being targeted numerous times before the merge, managed to talk his way out of it many times, most famously with his “Chess Grandmaster” lie to Jud “Fabio” Birza, who we’ll be talking about later. This made for a really compelling story, and there’s a reason these three episodes of the season (where Marty was struggling and on the outs) are remembered most favorably out of all the rest of the season. Marty made for good tv, and between his wit and his strategy, I also liked him a lot. A shame he hasn’t come back.

Of those who are remembered fondly from Nicaragua, Brenda and Marty are about the only ones who get any sort of talk today, but people forget that there are a few others from Nicaragua who, at the time at least, were actually quite popular. In particular, a duo of older women (a demographic “Survivor” loves to ignore, for whatever reason) who are now forgotten unfairly, in my opinion. First up is Holly Hoffman, our underdog for the season. Holly was initially maligned coming in, and not entirely unfairly. Her first major act of the season was to crack under the strain of survival and the game, and toss fellow contestant Dan Lembo’s shoes into the ocean, having first filled them with sand. Not exactly the start to make anyone like you or be impressed with you. Holly, however, saw what she was doing and turned her game around, becoming another of the strategic masterminds of her tribe, along with Marty. Things really took off for her after the tribe swap, where she managed to take control of her game, and even overcome being on the bottom a few times. It was a similar story arc to Kathy Vavrick-O’Brien’s on “Survivor Marquesas”, only with not quite as sharp a learning curve. Whereas Kathy clearly had no idea what the game was about going in, you got the sense that Holly knew what was going on, and was just unable to make use of it at the start. Still, she was an interesting character and good strategist who wasn’t a jerk, and very easy to like. Even she, though, was somewhat overshadowed by the other awesome older lady, Jane Bright. In a sense the opposite of Holly, Jane was no strategic mastermind, and brought into the alliance more often than not (even though Marty had it in for her, for whatever reason), but her big factor was her survival skills. One of few people to ever come on the show knowing how to make fire, Jane proved to be an invaluable asset from that standpoint of the game. These days, it’s rare to see a hard-core survivalist on the show, but to have it be one of the oldest people in the game? Unheard of! No one talks about her anymore, but it’s important to remember that, at the time, Jane was the most beloved of the cast. Don’t believe me? She, and not the currently-beloved Brenda or Marty, won the “Player of the Season” award. And I’ll admit, while I nowadays find her vacuum of intelligence a bit grating, I still like her. It’s just cool to me to see this little old lady doing so incredibly well compared to these young bucks. So yeah, Jane’s pretty cool, and so is Holly. In effect, it could be argued they started the modern trend of having awesome older-lady characters on the show, and they deserve credit for that. But even though they started the trend, I find that they are not remembered precisely because of said trend. The older-lady characters who came after them did what they did, but better, and were from overall better seasons. As such, Holly and Jane kind of get the shaft. Still, this does not change the fact that Holly and Jane are pretty cool, and arguably high points of the season.

Now we move onto the characters who are kind of mixed bags. First and foremost is winner Fabio, who I mentioned before. Living up to his in-show nickname, Fabio was very good looking, but an idiot and accident-prone. The latter trait was occasionally funny, but for the most part, Fabio always felt to me like a waste of space. At the time he was a fairly well-liked winner, partly because of his claim that he played up his stupidity to get farther in the game. I buy this argument to a degree, but he’s still pretty much a dumb blonde, and it’s not that surprising that he’s been forgotten in the passage of time. I’ll talk more later about how he was the best possible outcome for the season, given the final three, but on the whole, not the best winner of all seasons, and it’s understandable that he’s forgotten. Also to be mentioned is early boot stunt-cast Jimmy Johnson. As a different take on casting sports stars on previous seasons, the show cast Jimmy J., a former football coach and sport commentator. Not a bad idea in concept, and it helped that Jimmy J. actually was a big fan of the show, but the trouble was that he just wan’t very interesting. All he really had going for him was the stunt aspect of his casting, which wasn’t much, and so while not hated, he is pretty well forgotten. The only other person who fits in this category is Matthew “Sash” Lenahan, another potential strategist of the season. I say “potential” not because Sash wasn’t strategic, but because he never really got the respect he deserves. Unlike a Brenda, Holly, or Marty, Sash had no charm to back up his strategy. He THOUGHT he was charming, but he came off both to the audience and the cast as a schmoozer who was completely full of it. I can’t say I don’t see where it comes from, and I get that people may not like Sash, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve respect for his moves. He was pretty much an equal partner of Brenda, was really the one responsible for not letting Marty get a foothold post-swap, and even managed to come back from being put on the bottom of the merged tribe. People may say that I’m overestimating his influence on the game, and that I’m the only one who really cares about him on this season, but damn it, Stephen Fishbach (“Survivor Tocantins”) has called him “underrated”, so THERE!

Now, sadly, we must move into the bad people of this season. As an individual, the least offensive far and away is Jimmy Tarantino, aka Jimmy T. An obnoxious braggart, Jimmy T. was never really destined to be liked. He was out quickly, his only saving grace. I didn’t like him, the audience didn’t like him, and he was overall just a waste of space on the season. Still, most would agree that he’s better than the terrible duo of Na’Onka Mixon and “Purple Kelly” Shinn. Now, the latter I can’t talk too much about, as she’s remembered for the manner of her leaving the show, which will be covered in the “Twist” section, but suffice to say here that she is, far and away, the biggest waste of space the show has ever had. Apart from her exit, the only thing memorable about her is her hair color (hence the nickname), and that’s not a good thing. This combined with her exit makes her one of the most reviled “Survivor” contestants ever. But she’s nowhere near as bad as Na’Onka. Put simply, Na’Onka was seen by most as rude and mean. She bitched about just about everybody else, played favorites, and dared to go up against crowd favorites. Apart from her exit (which will again be talked about in the “Twist” section), she’s most remembered for tripping up fellow contestant Kelly Bruno in an attempt to get a clue to the hidden immunity idol. This would be fine, if it weren’t for the fact that Kelly had a prosthetic leg, thus labeling Na’Onka as “The Woman Who’s Mean to Handicapped People”, never mind the fact that Kelly proved to be perfectly competent, and her leg in no way seemed to affect her physical game. Not an easy person to like, and I completely sympathize. Talking about Na’Onka leaves something of a bad taste in my mouth as well. That said, however, I give Na’Onka a bit more credit that everybody else, if only because I found it fascinating how someone so obnoxious, how such an awful human being, could last week after week. She’s not a pleasant aspect of the season, and it doesn’t help that she’s arguably the most memorable thing in it, but Na’Onka gets a slightly bad reputation, in my mind. What I cannot deny, though, is the fact that the rest of the cast was awful. Unlike the Na’Onka’s or Jimmy T.’s of the world, they weren’t mean or obnoxious, but they were just bland to the point of being unpleasant. It’s a bit hard to describe, but with so much of the cast as these boring, stereotypical Americans, combined with a number of unpleasant characters, those who were merely boring looked the worse. All everyone, including myself, could think was “Why couldn’t we have gotten GOOD people on the show, instead of these blank slates?” I think the best demonstration of this in Ben Henry, aka Benry, possibly the most bland person on the entire planet, who contributed nothing to the game, yet seemed like he was a big shot in his own brain. not an endearing quality. The rest of the cast not mentioned was similar, and this really is why the cast fails so much. While there were a few good people in there, the most remembered people were unpleasant, and even those where were boring came off badly, so it’s hard to call the cast overall good. Still, one should not forget those who were good, and so I rank this cast perhaps higher than others might.

SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHALLENGES

As I’ll discuss in the “Overall” section, I can kind of see why the cast of Nicaragua didn’t get a very good reception. For all my praising of some individuals, the cast overall is one of the weaker ones. No, what really suffers are the challenges of this season, which, if you look at them, are actually quite good. You had a lot of creativity thrown in at all phases, combined with some really memorable visuals. There was the Plinko board, the chute for cannonballs, the giant water wheel! Most challenges this season felt dynamic and epic. Even after the merge, we got a lot of great challenges. there was balancing coins atop a sword, the treasure chest puzzle, a lot of really quite good individual challenges. As concepts, they’re simple, but their design and execution really elevates them. And that’s a good way to describe this season’s challenges: they took a lot of risks. Some elements of challenges are repeats, to be sure, but for the most part, we had original challenges this season, which were mostly hits. Part of the problem, though, is that with every risk there comes the possibility of failure, and the trouble is that the failures were so spectacular that they’re what’s remembered, and partly explain why this season is not remembered for its challenges (that and the fact that other parts of the season were so unpleasant that people don’t even want to contemplate its challenges). Some challenges just seemed out of place for the theme of the season, like a blindfolded moving of grilling supplies. Some ideas were good in theory, like an obstacle course where teams had to smash through walls of straw, wood, and “Brick”. Once it was made clear that this was a reference to “The Three Little Pigs” however, people couldn’t take it seriously. It was just too immature and too modern for a show like “Survivor”. Then there were the challenges that just failed outright, but got overused, such as the “Hanging by a rope over the water” challenge. But the king of the bad challenges has to be the “Gulliver’s Travels” challenge. It’s bad enough when “Survivor” has to plug a bad Jack Black movie, but to have them make it into a challenge is awful. As if the reward (seeing the movie) wasn’t bad enough, the challenge featured the visual of not-competing Dan Lembo (remembered, if at all, for being short, annoying, and contributing nothing) sitting in a far too big chair, adding a sense of ridiculousness to an already ridiculous challenge. So yeah, there were some real stinkers in this one. On the whole, though, there were still a lot of good challenges to be found here, and I think that the overall opinion on the season unfairly maligns the challenges.

SCORE: 7 out of 10

TWISTS

Most people will say the cast is where this season falls short, but I contend that it’s really here, in the twists, where this season falls flat. Plain and simple, there were just too many of them, and most of them fell flat. While it’s fair to say that some of them were good IDEAS, it’s hard to come up with a single major twist (either producer-implemented or cast-implemented) that actually panned out. And they started even before the season began! For Nicaragua, fans were allowed to vote on one person who would enter into the game, based on one-minute videos on CBS.com This led to the inclusion of Jimmy T. in the cast. Not a bad idea in theory. The trouble is that, as mentioned, this twist gave us Jimmy T., who both didn’t last long and was incredibly annoying, leading to a lot of letdown from the fans. Things didn’t improve when it came out that the top 10 finalists for the contest (the only ones fans were allowed to vote on) were CBS recruits told to apply this way. Not a good day for CBS. Also minor but worth mentioning is the fact that starting in Nicaragua, “Survivor” shifted back to airing on Wednesday nights, as it had during “Survivor Borneo” but not since then. It didn’t impact the season as a whole, but it is a part of “Survivor” history, and did show that the fancies is loyal to a fault. Rather than give up on the show (easy to do 21 seasons in), people shifted their viewing schedules. Trust me, this factoid is the HIGH point of the twists.

Starting in the game proper, we have another twist that was in theory a good idea, but in practice ended up a bad idea. This time around, the tribes were divided up by age, into the 40 and older Espada, and the 30 and younger La Flor (initially hidden from the contestants by mixing the tribes entering). A pretty simple twist, but it makes sense. We’ve had “Battle of the Sexes”, why not “Battle of the Ages”? And like some other twists I’ll discuss in future retrospectives, I think this one had the potential to be a good twist, but was brought down in execution. The problem was that, despite CBS’ efforts to counteract this effect, the obvious outcome of the younger people dominating the older people in challenges (except for Jane on the individual level) came to pass. I place part of the blame on CBS, as I think they could probably have found some more fit older contestants, or else made the challenges more puzzle-heavy than they were, but part of it’s just the nature of “Survivor”. I’m ok with the “Old vs. Young” twist, as it had to be done at some point, but even I admit that it fell flat. Not that CBS didn’t TRY to correct for the physical disparity, of course! Oh no, we had to sit through the poorly named and poorly planned out “Medallion of Power”. A little item hunted for at the start of the game, the tribe with the Medallion of Power could hand it in at any challenge and be given an advantage in said challenge. An obvious attempt to balance out the challenges for the older contestants, this twist was even stupider than its name, which is saying a lot. Apart from making the older contestants seem like wimps for having to have this crutch, the Medallion of Power was overpowered, to say the least. Add on the fact that the younger contestants held onto it for most of it’s (admittedly short) tenure, and you’ve got a twist no one loved, including myself. Thankfully, it was retired in Episode 5, and will never be heard from again. A minor note: this season changed up how the idol was hidden. For once, it was by no major landmarks, instead relying on correctly calculating how many yards the idol would be buried from a certain landmark. Additionally, the clue was done pictographically, rather than a word clue, which was a nice change. It made the idols harder to find, and allowed the viewers at home to play along, since no visual clue was shown in the editing to where the idol was. This wasn’t a major twist of the season, but it’s a very positive little detail.

Apart from the aforementioned sabotage of Dan’s shoes by Holly, nothing of note happened until Episode 5, when the tribe swap occurred. In a change up from past swaps, a leader of each tribe was randomly selected by rocks. However, rather than have this person simply get first pick on the new tribe, the leaders were told to select a certain number of people from the other tribe (to make the numbers balance out) to join their tribe. Holly and Brenda ended up picking, which didn’t lead to much excitement. Brenda was already the leader of La Flor, so this just gave her more power, and while Holly wasn’t the power player of Espada (that would be Marty), she had been moving up the ranks, and this only cemented her power position. Once again, this is not a bad idea for a swap, but the execution ended up being poor, because it just game the power players more power. Admittedly, this one could be seen as successful, as it gave us the compelling “Marty as Underdog” storyline, but it would have been cooler to see someone on the bottom be in control.

Following on the “Marty as Underdog” storyline, we get his surprising survival as an underdog, first by getting Kelly Bruno targeted at a double Tribal Council, and then by making Jill Behm seem a bigger target. This also got Sash his hidden immunity idol (Brenda and Na’Onka having found the other one), as he made a deal with Marty that, in being saved, Marty would give up his idol to Sash. A shining moment for Sash, and a rare moment of stupidity for Marty, but as I say, not as bad as some of the other aspects of this season.

Now comes the merge, and here’s where things get tricky. It’s worth noting, though, that during the merge was the first instance of someone left out of a reward challenge post-merge being allowed to choose a side to root for, and go with them on reward potentially. A pretty good idea, but not a major twist of the season, just one of those little things to like. The dominant alliance was always hazy at best, so we got some nice blindsides. I say “Nice” in that they were really tricky blindsides, but had the problem of getting rid of good people). After the surprising vote-off of Alina “Dirt Squirrel” Wilson for no particular reason, the power trio of Brenda, Sash, and Na’Onka (the only discernible alliance) took out Marty, who at this point was really a fan favorite. A good gameplay blindside, but as I’ll discuss in a bit, it was the start of a negative turn for the season. One of the favorite contestants got voted out, with several episodes to go, this is not a good thing. This was followed by a shake-up, in which Na’Onka flipped along with a few other non-memorables to join Holly’s alliance, voting off Brenda in the process. This seems like a good “Survivor” move, and it is. The trouble is, like Marty, Brenda was a darling of the fans (though less so after her vote off, as she refused to “scramble” which many people saw as arrogant and pathetic), and to see her vote off, most people to root for were gone. Not to mention, this kept Na’Onka, who EVERYONE hated, in power. Not a good situation for the show, but it could still recover. And it might have done, if not for what happened next.

Late in the game (Final 8), Na’Onka, despite being in the dominant alliance, decided, for no apparent reason, that she’d had enough, and would like to quit. Having done nothing for the past 20-odd days, Purple Kelly jumped right along with her, and decided that she wanted out. This is what the season is remembered for, and it is a HORRIBLE twist. Seeing people quit is never fun, and seeing people quit this late in the game for no discernible reason is downright despicable. On the heels of the two great games of the season being ejected, this felt to most viewers, including myself, like a great insult to the game. And it was. The kicker, though, was that Na’Onka and Purple Kelly were still allowed on the jury, which many people saw as an insult. Probst’s justification was that Janu, who also quit post-merge on “Survivor Palau” had been allowed on the jury, so precedent was set. I get this justification, and I agree with it. That doesn’t make it feel good, however. This led to the “Quitter clause” now standard in “Survivor” contracts, wherein this who quit the game can be denied the right to sit on the jury, or even get their prize money. Yes, that’s how bad this twist was, and the major issue is that THIS is what’s remembered about this season. Not good.

It’s during this period that we also get the “Someone can give up individual reward for extra camp supplies” twist, which is a fun edition, but nothing major. The Libertad camp also got set on fire at this point, which was mildly interesting, but had been done before on “Survivor The Amazon”, and so came off as trite and cliched. The only other thing of note this season was that Fabio went on a string of immunity runs to win the game, which was mildly impressive to watch, but again, we’d seen it before. Sash did overcome being sent to the bottom of the totem pole by Brenda’s vote out, but again, not that impressive.

This was a season screwed over in terms of twists. A lot of front loaded producer-implemented twists made the season seem weak from the start, and while the twists were eased up on later, most of the twists, both producer and cast-based alike, really just didn’t come off well. A few minor ones, like the pictographic idol clues and the sit-out being allowed to bet on the winner were kind of fun, but they just don’t overcome the overwhelming sense of horribleness these twists exude.

SCORE: 2 out of 10.

OVERALL

Nicaragua is not the most unique of locations, but the production did what they could to make it unique. They gave it a conquistador theme to help distinguish the season, and while it made it distinct, they made it a bit too over-the-top for a “Survivor” theme. For my part, I found the Christian Iconography off-putting, even though I concede it’s appropriate for the theme. This was also where we REALLY started getting into “plastic” “Survivor”, where everything put in seemed a little too fake. We’d gotten it somewhat with “Survivor Samoa” and “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, but it came out in force here. Everything just felt like it didn’t fit in with the show, and this trend would not be corrected, even partially, until “Survivor Philippines”, and even then it took a while. One detail that I don’t hear people talk about, but that I think really hurt the season, was the theme music. For some reason I can’t comprehend, the producers, rather than go with an original theme song, decided to use the version from “Survivor Borneo”. This was a terrible creative decision. This wasn’t any sort of anniversary for the show, nor was it some sort of All-Star season where they might have wanted to hearken back to seasons past. What this move came off as was a “This season is bad, so let’s make it look better by reminding people of a good season!” play, and it really undermined the season before it started.

But that’s just the production theme, what about cast themes? Well, the cast themes are, if anything, worse. As I said, a major problem of this season is timing, and not just because it came after the acclaimed “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” (though that was also a contributing factor). No, Nicaragua was never going to be one of the great seasons, just due to the facts that the twists were lackluster, and most of the cast was boring or unpleasant. No, the timing problem really shows itself post-merge. Even with a season with a weak cast, there are one or two standouts that, if they make it to the end, can make the season ok. In this case, those standouts were Marty and Brenda. That the two went back-to-back, fairly early in the merge, was a hard enough blow. But then, right on its heals, comes the quitting of Na’Onka and Purple Kelly. Think about this for a second. You’ve got the two fan favorites thus far, the two best strategists, the two most dynamic players of the game, voted out one right after the other, with several episodes to go. this alone is hard enough to recover from. But then you get the two most DISLIKED players, quitting, right afterwards, leaving a bad taste in your mouth. All anyone could think was “Why did THESE people get to stay longer than Brenda and Marty?” I’m not saying that Brenda and Marty being voted out, or Na’Onka and Purple Kelly quitting would have been easy to handle on their own, but happening one right after the other, the badness just compounded, and the season couldn’t recover. You were left with a bunch of bad people around, although Jane and Holly might have salvaged the season a bit, but our final 3 ended up being Sash, Chase, and Fabio. A unlikeable strategist, a boring nice guy, and a likable idiot. Of the three, the Fabio win was probably the best possible outcome, but even then, it was a poor choice. Notice also that the final three was entirely young people. While both tribes had their unlikeable people, it was clear that on the whole, the older side was more interesting and more likable. To have the young people dominate so, it was the final nail in the coffin. The big problem with the season though, is the quit. It’s unpleasant, and it’s what’s remembered out of the whole season. While this season does have a few underrated qualities (Brenda and Marty, and some minor twists), I cannot deny that the overall effect of Nicaragua is unpleasant. Is it overly hated on? I’d say so. But does it deserved to be hated? Yes. Yes it does.

SCORE: 16 out of 40

ABSTRACT

Nicaragua is not one of the shining jewels of “Survivor” A lot of boring cast members and unpleasant twists make this one a hard watch. I’d recommend this one only for the hardcore “Survivor” completionist. One contestant does return in a future season, but they make so little of an impact that Nicaragua does not need to be seen to appreciate them. Still, although you will find it hated in the community as a whole, it has one or two minor details that might make it worth a watch, if you’re willing to tolerate a lot of irritating elements. On the whole, though, I agree with the consensus. While I’m not as vehement in this stance, I say skip this season.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor San Juan del Sur” Episode 1: Where Have All The Great Women Gone?

Ah yes, the start of a new season of “Survivor”. The thrill of the adventure, the excitement of the challenges, and the… horrible smell that is the toughness nearly every single woman on this season? Yeah, a pretty good start overall, but I’ve got some major issues with it, particularly compared to most of the previous seasons. Still, perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.

Welcome, everyone to “Idol Speculation: San Juan del Sur Edition”! The location may have changed, but the goal remains to make this blog my knee-jerk opinion that everyone is entitled to. And you’ll forgive me if I don’t refer to this season as “Survivor: San Juan del Sur: Blood vs. Water”, but it’s far too long a title without the “Blood vs. Water” colon as is, and plus I hate it when a season that blatantly reuses a theme from a previous season needs to state it that blatantly, or even just show it. As a result, this is one of the most poor Probst narrations to ever start a season. CBS must KNOW they have what is so far looking like a pretty piss-poor cast this season, because the first minute is entirely footage from the PREVIOUS “Survivor Blood vs. Water”, and in case we didn’t get the message that the season was awesome, the Probst narration has to PROVE that it’s awesome, thereby engraving the season into our skulls. The trouble is that this doesn’t leave a lot of room for the season itself.

Speaking of which, just to make the parallels to “Survivor Blood vs. Water” incredibly obvious, this season starts off with the “Day 0” twist once again. I’ll grant you, they give it a little more time than on the first “Blood vs. Water”, but in a sense it’s damning by faint praise, since that twist amounted to almost nothing that first time. Both seem to serve the purpose of giving Probst more time for his narration, which he uses to cover the stereotypes of each pair, which I already discussed during the “Cast Assessment” Blog, so I won’t be repeating it here. And at least the first Day 0 gave us plenty of vehicle porn. Here, Probst just sits in a helicopter while everyone in the jungle tries to make fire. Only one vehicle, and it’s an overused one at that. Look, Probst, I get that it was cool to have you dangle outside a helicopter during “Survivor All-Stars”, but it’s gotten really old since then. Find a new mode of transport.

In fairness, though, we do get a FEW important relationship tidbits out of the Day 0 twist this time. Mainly, we reemphasize the fact alluded to earlier, namely that the women this season SUCK! Going through them out of order, we see that nearly everyone has some strike against them. Val seems the best of the bunch, but that’s because we don’t see much of her until the first challenge. Jaclyn comes off pretty well, but even then, she comes off WAY too attached to her boyfriend Jon, and looks for praise from him a bit too much. The supposedly strong “twinnies” (as an aside, I REALLY hate that term. It’s just way too cutsie) begin bitching at each other when they can’t get fire in the first five minutes (I should note that all pairs were given flint and steel at the start), and then beg for help when the Probstcopter flies by. Kelley, rather than being the strong farming type she seemed like she might be, lets her father, Dale, do all the work while she worries about his health. Julie McGee, the girlfriend of former Atlanta Braves Pitcher John Rocker, CLAIMS to be strong, but then frets about the number of crabs at their campsite. And, in what in my mind is the nail in the coffin of most of the women, Missy and Baylor freak, and become completely paranoid over howler monkeys. I can understand being freaked out by the noise the first time (assuming you haven’t seen “Survivor Guatemala”, of course), but they’re CONSTANTLY looking behind themselves. They’re howler monkeys! Even with no knowledge of zoology, you should know they’re relatively harmless. I suppose, in fairness, I’m exaggerating the reactions of the women a bit, except in the case of Missy and Baylor. My problem is that we’ve had SO MANY GOOD WOMEN over the past few seasons, who could survive and strategize with the best of them, that seeing this return to relative wimpiness and weakness in the women, just makes me sick. I keep imagining Kim Spradlin (“Survivor One World”), Tina Wesson (“Survivor The Australian Outback”), Denise Stapely (“Survivor Philippines”), and Kass McQuillen (“Survivor Cagayan”), along with all the other strong women “Survivor” has cast in the past, watching these women with great shame.

Still, perhaps it’s unfair of me to dislike these women by comparison, so let’s talk about the only other things of significance to come out of the Day 0 footage. Probst apparently got his wish of having Neil Patrick Harris on “Survivor”, as he has shown up with what I can only assume is his life partner, some guy named Reed. Now as Neil Patrick Harris is an awesome actor, and I quite loved “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”, I’m totally pleased with this casting choice. The only thing I can’t figure out is why Reed keeps calling Neil Patrick Harris “Josh”. Perhaps it’s some NPH role I’ve never heard of. John Rocker and his girlfriend serve a twofold purpose: we find out that John is a terrible liar, in that he states that he is not a racist, and no one in the audience believes him, and it gives Probst a chance to make a terrible “pitching” pun. But the big reveal comes in Wes and Keith, who manage to lose the striker for their flint very quickly. How will this come into play? Join me in the next paragraph.

Once everyone is brought it, Probst wastes no time in asking them if they made fire. Most people raise their hand, including Reed and Neil Patrick Harris. For some reason, Probst also insists on calling Neil Patrick Harris “Josh”. Clearly, the man has lost his marbles. One thing I noticed, that I find significant, is that Jeremy and Val, despite the fact that we SAW them with fire, do not raise their hands. This implies to me that the pair discussed how they were going to handle themselves before the start of the game, forward thinking we won’t see from most people this season. It’s a plus in their book, at least. Another pair who don’t raise their hands (though they, at least, are telling the truth) is Wes and Keith, and we get a fairly funny bit from them about it.
Probst then divides the tribes by the very complicated method of “Pick an envelope, and take whichever buff you get”. A nice, random method, but a bit boring. Ok, it’s better than the pretentious paint-filled eggs we’ve been subjected to so often over the past few seasons, but it’s still pretty boring. And actually, I kind of doubt its randomness. You see, CBS ultimately has final say over what people wear going into the game, and it’s become increasingly clear that in recent years, they like people to wear clothes in colors that match their tribe color. Call me a conspiracy nut, but the clothes colors of people match the tribes they ended up on just a little TOO closely. Ok, there are some exceptions. For example, I’d call John Rocker’s clothes closer to blue than orange. Even so, there are some matches that just seem way too improbable. What particularly makes me suspicious is that Baylor’s nails are painted orange. That seems like something CBS would mandate, but would only make sense if Baylor ended up on the Orange tribe. I am suspicious.

Speaking of the tribes, it can now be confirmed that the names of the tribes this time are Coyopa (Orange) and Hunahpu (Blue), the latter of which has to be one of the worst tribe names I’ve ever heard. I mean, Coyopa is generic but ok, but Hunahpu? Word of advice: If your last syllable sounds like a bodily function, there’s something wrong with it.

The tribes thus divided, Probst prophetically asks Jeremy what it’s like to now have to play against his wife. Jeremy states that it’s hard, because he wants to take care of Val, which prompts Val to say that she’s quite capable of taking care of herself. ALLELUIA! One woman who can measure up to the legacy I brought up earlier! I suppose for every annoying twinnie *shudder*, there is an angle named Val. Now, I’m not too proud of what could be perceived as a slightly chauvinistic statement from Jeremy, but going back to what I was saying earlier, I feel like this might have been planned out. In his speech, Jeremy expresses a desire to win and work with his tribe, while also coming off as compassionate. A nice mix of determined and conflicted, the same mix that worked well on the last “Blood vs. Water”. Can’t fault him for going based off of what worked before. This then leads Probst into the first challenge, which will be a one-on-one duel for the reward of flint. Probst has the tribes decide on who picks first by a friendly game of rock-paper-scissors. Come on, Probst, that’s just lame. Surely there’s an ancient Mayan Roulette wheel you could have appropriated for deciding who picks first. Hunahpu, or Hunah Poo-Poo as I will henceforth be calling them, because I’m five years old, wins the right to pick first, and Jeremy demonstrates his commitment to the team by forcefully volunteering himself. Probst then reveals that all reward challenges in the tribal phase will be one-on-one competitions, and that each time, whoever goes up will face their loved one, giving Val a chance to prove herself over her husband. Once again, Jeremy pulls off a good combination of sadness and determinism, the grief piled on still further by a glorious Probst, who tells them that whoever loses will be sent to the now-resurrected Exile Island.

Before I get to the challenge itself, and my thoughts on how Exile Island is being handled this season, let me state that I am NOT happy that all reward challenges are one-on-one in the tribal phase this time. It was one of my problems with any season with the Redemption Island twist, and it’s one of my problems here. Now, I’ve heard that a lot of people don’t mind this, as they consider the challenges the least important aspect of “Survivor” overall. I admit this is true, but I would counter that they’re an important part of the legacy. Hell, one of the reasons I became hooked on “Survivor” was the challenges. Yes, they’re not AS important to the game as strategy, but they’re important to the spectacle. When you scale them down, you lose spectacle. One of the things I’ve realized from doing my off-season “Retrospective” series is that individual challenges often pale in comparison to tribal challenges. This is understandable, as fewer people means challenges generally become less epic in scale, but this means that taking away ANYTHING from the tribal phase challenges is a major loss. Even if most people don’t, I will miss the big reward challenges.

As to the challenge itself, it’s pretty ok. Not a rehash of any one challenge, but a mix of a few, although it does bear a striking resemblance to several challenges from “Survivor Guatemala”. Actually, a LOT of the season bears an aesthetic resemblance to “Survivor Guatemala”. Hey, CBS, try finding a DIFFERENT THEME! Maybe one you haven’t used before!

Gotta focus. Challenge. Challenge. Right. Yes, I actually kind of like this challenge. Val and Jeremy race to untangle a rope that has two rings attached to it. Once each ring is untangled, they will use it like a grappling hook to hook two platforms one at a time. The first person to get the two platforms wins. This is a clever challenge, and changes things up just enough to avoid my wrath. I particularly like using platforms rather than bags like these types of challenges usually do. Do I wish it was epic in scale like tribal reward challenges SHOULD be? Yes, but it’s still not a half-bad challenge. It’s also fairly evenly matched, as it’s not strength-based (not that Val is weak, by any stretch, but Jeremy is BUILT). Still, I give a slight edge to Jeremy, as I feel like fireman’s training might include throwing things like grappling hooks.

Despite an early tight race, Jeremy pulls ahead and ultimately wins. Jeremy once again expresses his mixed emotions over winning, and expresses a desire to “take care” of his wife. Um, Jeremy? We got the message. You can stop being so concerned now. Makes you seem a bit chauvinistic. Probst tells Jeremy that he must now send one person from Hunah Poo-Poo to Exile Island with Val. Jeremy does not hesitate and chooses Keith, on the basis that he can, say it with me now, “take care of his wife”. Probst lampshades how poor of a choice this seems, due to the aforementioned losing of the striker, but I think it shows a bit of a deeper thinking. Perhaps like Sarah Lacina’s “Cop-Dar” on “Survivor Cagayan”, Jeremy has a bit of “Fireman-dar”, as both he and Keith are firemen. On top of this, I suspect that Jeremy correctly surmised that an older man would be more chivalrous, and take things in stride, making Keith a good choice to send. Besides, apparently it was Wes who lost the striker anyway.

WES: HEY!

MATT: Oh, Good God, THIS early in the season? I’m getting sick of this running gag…

WES: Don’t you get smart with me! It was my DAD that lost the striker!

MATT: No, no, get out of my apartment, it is FAR too early in the season to have you people bursting in and criticizing me!

(Slams door in Wes’ face).

Now, as I was saying, Exile Island. I’m not happy with it. I don’t mind the sending of two people, but the winner picking someone from their own tribe to go with the loser also exactly copies “Survivor Micronesia”. And jumping ahead a bit, the method of deciding who gets the hidden immunity idol clue (each person picks an urn; one has a clue and one a blank piece of paper) exactly copies “Survivor Tocantins”. The reason I was excited for Exile Island this season was that I feel it was retired before its time. There were still a lot of potential cool new ways to handle Exile Island, but they’re just resting on their laurels this time (kind of the theme for the season). On top of that, they’re denying us full-on reward challenges this time around for a reused Exile Island. Not cool, CBS. Still, with that said, I actually do like one layer of strategy with Exile Island: how much info you give in your picks. In previous seasons, when two people went, the tribes didn’t know anyone on the other side, so it was hard to pick up alliance patterns. This season, with everyone knowing someone else on the other tribe, people are going to have to think about who they send. You don’t want to send someone opposing you alliance-wise, because your loved one is there, but sending someone you’re close with might cause that alliance to become known. It’s an interesting dilemma, and the one saving grace of Exile Island.

As both tribes leave, we once again get Jeremy talking about how sad he is that he got his wife sent to Exile Island. Look, dude, chivalry is nice, but you’re taking it WAY too far! It’s getting disturbing, and I’m REALLY starting to question your attitudes towards women now.

Matters aren’t helped for me on this score when Hunah Poo-Poo arrives at camp. They seem cordial, but Jeremy is fired up after sending his wife to Exile Island. For some reason, he sees doing well as a bad thing, and believes he needs to make an alliance very quickly. Since he claims to have a natural rapport with women, he starts with Kelley, and works his way through Missy and Natalie. Unfortunately, NONE of them are the least bit put off by his need to take care of his woman, and find it endearing. Natalie even goes so far as to call Jeremy her “male twinnie”. Oh God, BAD IMAGE, BAD IMAGE!

I guess I can see how it would be kind of attractive to have a big strong guy taking care of you, but it just seems like a sign of weakness on the part of these women. Again, I just get the image of strong women from “Survivor’s” past shaking their heads in dismay at this reliance on a man. To be fair, I may be being too hard on Jeremy. All the women say they like him regardless, and he does seem to have charisma, so perhaps the need to take care of his wife is just augmenting his natural charm. So, perhaps I’m jumping the gun a bit in calling Jeremy chauvinistic, but for all he keeps talking about it, I’m beginning to wonder how much of his attitude towards his wife is exaggerated. Seems to me she can take care of herself just fine, dude. Why worry so much? Still, he does seem to respect the women he’s with to some degree. At least he hasn’t named his alliance the “Dumb-Ass Girl” alliance or anything. That would just be awful!

While gender is the order of the day at Hunah Poo-Poo, age is the order of the day at Coyopa. They came out on the younger side of things, a fact that Nadiya is quick to point out, in an incredibly offensive way, basically describing Dale as “ancient” for being in his fifties. Well, we can add “ageist” to the list of WONDERFUL qualities attributable to Natalie and Nadiya. Still, even without offensive remarks make about his age, Dale notices the divide, and sets about proving himself by making fire with his glasses. Baylor chimes in at this point that she didn’t even know this was possible, and that Dale is isolating himself while most everyone else attempts to make fire via the “rubbing sticks” method. Ok, the latter is a good observation, but of the former: Welcome back, Kat Eddorson of “Survivor One World”! You were not missed, but evidently you see fit to come back anyway. Yay.
Dale ends up sacrificing his glasses for the cause, breaking them in half to double the magnification, and eventually gets fire. This earns him a few brownie points, and really makes me like the guy, but he’s still on thin ice. Also, take THAT Baylor! It was totally possible!

Meanwhile, on Exile Island, we get confirmation that Keith is one of those “actually dumb” rednecks, as opposed to the “playing dumb” rednecks most people prefer watching. Despite claiming to be a fan of the show, Dale doesn’t realize that the note Val is reading (she got the correct urn) is probably a clue to the hidden immunity idol. Val tells a lie that it only pertains to her tribe, and she does a good job selling it via acting, but that’s such a vague and weak answer that I’m amazed Keith doesn’t question it. Good for Val on keeping the clue to herself if possible. When it comes to anything with the hidden immunity idol, the fewer people know, the better. Still, Keith doesn’t come away empty-handed. Val reveals that Jeremy is also a fireman, which makes Keith respect him all the more. Man, Jeremy’s charm is so thick, it even transcends geography. And speaking of geography, I kind of like this Exile Island. It stands out for its sparseness. Nearly every other Exile Island had some kind of structure placed on it that dominated the landscape (or at least, augmented the landscape that was already there). This one has a small courtyard where the urns are but that’s it. It’s actually a refreshing change. Not to say that this Exile Island (or, should I say, Exile Peninsula) isn’t distinctive, no, it has a giant rock for that. Seriously, it’s a powerful image, particularly from the many helicopter shots we get of it, and so this is an Exile Island look I can get behind.

When first we return to Hunah Poo-Poo, it seems as though Drew will become suspicious of Jeremy, but it quickly devolves into the much less interesting Drew going on and on about how much of a leader he is in building the shelter. Props to Julie for calling out what is obviously a very stupid move, but it surprises me a little bit. True, Drew never seemed like the brightest bulb on the Hanukah Tree, but I thought he had more sense than this. I think the problem is in the dynamic. While Coyopa is skewed younger, Hunah Poo-Poo is skewed older, meaning Drew is not naturally looked upon as a leader. I get the feeling, however, that Drew is USED to leading, and so, as the youngest of the guys, can only establish his dominance by telling everyone of his dominance. This will, of course, backfire, and I look forward to his eventual ironic elimination.

John Rocker, meanwhile, is feeling the heat at Coyopa. Wes, being something of a baseball fan, thinks he might have figured out John’s true identity, which John had wanted to keep secret. He’s not 100% certain, however, and so quizzes John. Despite Wes appearing to not have a clue, and getting a few details wrong, John comes clean and swears Wes to secrecy, forming an alliance. However, John admits that he’s afraid of Wes, and might need to get rid of him, now that he’s in on the secret. I must disagree with this strategy, however. When you’re in the position of wanting to hide a secret, you want to keep that person as close as possible. In alienating them or voting them out, you give them incentive to tell your secret. Nothing stops someone from blurting out the secret once you’ve betrayed them. If, however, you ally with them, this gives them incentive to keep you around, as your benefits are their benefits, and getting rid of you does no good. Then again, this is John Rocker, so it’s not exactly a brain trust.

Antics, and I use the term loosely, abound at Hunah Poo-Poo, as Jon takes after “Survivor Guatemala” alumnus Cindy Hall, and imitates the call of the howler monkey. This is not funny and serves no strategic purpose. What we get from Coyopa next is slightly funnier, but only just. Neil Patrick Harris complains of a burning sensation in his eye, which Nadiya loudly declares is because they accidentally used toxic leaves in the roof of their shelter. They get rid of them. Nice to see some of the trial and error in survival for once, and the pain of others is always a bit funny. Beyond that, though, it’s pointless.

CHALLENGE TIME! And we get one of the better first immunity challenges in a while. After getting under a zigzagging crawlthrough, the tribes lift up members to untie high up bags. One bag contains a rope, the other two pegs. Using these supplies and each other, the tribes then scale a three-stage wall, where four of them solve a puzzle to win immunity. While not the most original, it does have elements that we haven’t seen for a while that I enjoy (the zigzagging crawlthrough), and we get multiple ways of climbing the wall, as opposed to just one. An original, fairly difficult puzzle makes me like the challenge, but one aspect of the execution makes me love it. I’ve complained over the past few seasons that the tribes are too small or broken up to make for a good first challenge. Here, there’s an emphasis on teamwork, and with few exceptions, the tribe sticks together, making for an awesome first challenge. Maybe that’s the problem: we can only have good challenges if the cast is awful.

I’ll admit, this challenge fooled me. This is a very athletic challenge, and Coyopa overall is more athletic. On top of this, the only strategy we got from Coyopa was John Rocker not liking Wes, while Hunah Poo-Poo seemed to have a “Drew Fails” storyline in the works, particularly due to a close-up of Missy heckling Drew at one point. But Hunah Poo-Poo comes back on the puzzle and wins the whole thing, which I suppose is not too surprising. No one on this season seems to be very puzzle oriented, but Reed seems to come the closest. Since he seems to lead Hunah Poo-Poo in this part, they win. Good for them.

Celebrating their victory, Jeremy catches Keith up on the goings on of Hunah Poo-Poo, and cements him into what I’m now calling “Firemen-R-Us”. Good for Jeremy. He seems very proactive at controlling the tribe, and seems set up to be the power broker for the tribe.

With Tribal Council looming, the Coyopa men get together. They agree that Val deserves a chance, so her name’s off the chopping block. Val, being the only woman who is proactive and not an idiot this season, goes looking for the idol anyway, with no success. In the meantime, the men all agree that Nadiya needs to go, after Drew correctly points out that Nadiya is a known volatile quantity, and the tribe would be better off without her. I can’t fault this thinking, as it’s the move I suggested myself.

Neil Patrick Harris smartly says “Yes” to every deal, but is open when Nadiya approaches him to take out Dale, based on his age. This plan is furthered by Val wanting to form a “girls” alliance, which Nadiya says Neil Patrick Harris will join. He’s somewhat put off, though, because Nadiya refers to him as a girl at one point due to his sexuality. Looks like we can add “stereotype homosexuals” to their growing list of good qualities. Oh hey, it’s Brad Culpepper (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”) reborn! Ok, that’s not fair, Nadiya seems able to do basic math.
With Baylor saying she’ll side with whatever Neil Patrick Harris says, it seems down to him to decide which way the vote will go. From a strategic standpoint, I’d still say get rid of Nadiya. Physically, she’s stronger than Dale, but it’s not as though Dale brings NOTHING to the table, Nadiya is, as stated, a volatile element that does not need to be there, and with Baylor on your side, you can easily flip things to vote off Dale later if need be. We’ll see what he does. I do have to say, though, that I’m glad Neil Patrick Harris is at the center of things. I’m liking him a lot, and again, he seems to be one of the few people with his head on his shoulders.

Tribal Council is average, both in content and in look. I’ll give credit that there aren’t that many stone-based tribal councils, but aside from that, it really doesn’t stand out much. The snuffer is pretty cool, a skull with some sort of turquoise on it, but other than that, nothing. The tribe dynamics are gone over. Dale talks about being the outcast, and Nadiya explains the age gap. She also once again refers to Neil Patrick Harris as a girl, which I’m sure does her no favors. Even so, I still think Dale will go home, just because he’s had more screentime. I’m pleasantly surprised, therefore, that Nadiya gets sent home. I’m not sorry to see her go. It seems like she would only have gotten worse as time went on, and I think it was the smart move overall. Even Val, once again showing shrewdness, changed her vote to Nadiya, which is good in that it avoided a tie and got rid of the right person. What I can’t figure out is why Neil Patrick Harris voted for Baylor. Dude, don’t you WANT to align with her? Voting for her does not help this goal in the slightest.

This is a fairly average start to the season. We get a fair amount of groundwork laid for interesting dynamics in the future, and some nice challenges. Still, there are a lot of problems with this season so far. The women are overall very weak, both physically and mentally. The episode seemed too long for itself. I mean, did we really NEED to see Jon talk to howler monkeys? I think an hour would have been plenty to get across what was needed.

Still, better too much than too little, I suppose. The real problem, however, is how much this season is trying to be “Survivor Blood vs. Water”. One of the things that makes “Survivor” great is how it is so dynamic. It’s amongst the most innovative shows out there, due simply to the fact that it can drastically change season to season. By copying a previous season, you dilute this. Even so, there’s some potential here, and I’m not prepared to write off the season just yet. I am, however, prepared to write another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

I had a lot of topic choices for this one, but I’m going with a subject I’ve wanted to do for a while: Tribe names. I’m talking exclusively non-merge based names here, and translations do matter. Other than that, anything goes, so let’s find out what I like with:

TOP 5:

5. Yasur (“Survivor Vanuatu”): Above all else, you want your tribe name to sound badass. And what’s more badass than an active volcano? Apart from this, the name Yasur also stands out for starting with an uncommon letter, making it memorable. Longer tribe names are preferable to me, so Yasur ends up on the bottom of the list, but it’s still pretty awesome.

4. Kalabaw (“Survivor Philippines”): This one’s a bit odd, as I can’t really articulate why I like it. There’s just some sort of a very raw, primal feeling that comes with saying the name. This invokes power, and I feel like this is one of those names that’s fun to scream at the top of your lungs, which is always a good thing to have. Plus, being named after a water buffalo is pretty intimidating. They’re fierce creatures.

3. Jalapao (“Survivor Tocantins”): Like Kalabaw, this is another name that’s just fun to say, and invokes a certain feeling of power. Jalapao gets the higher spot, however, because I can better articulate why it’s better. It has the word “POW” written right into the name. If you don’t get a feeling of power from a sound effect from the old “Batman” show, you’re just not living.

2. Drake (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Normally, whenever “Survivor” gives a tribe an English name, I hate it. It just seems very un-“Survivor”. The show should celebrate other cultures, not the one of the country it’s based in. Drake, though, is the exception. Unlike a lot of other English Tribe names, this one lends a certain dignity to the tribe, and actually seems somewhat intimidating. And, again, it’s another one that’s fun to yell out loud.

1. Samburu (“Survivor Africa”): This is a name that combines the best of all possible worlds. It celebrates the host culture, it’s fun to say, it’s relevant to the theme of the season, and given how Samburu warriors have been built up in popular media, it just feels so right.

Honorable Mention: Yaxha (“Survivor Guatemala”): This one almost beat out Yasur. It starts with the same letter as Yasur, but also has an “X” in it, which as everyone knows, adds coolness. It’s another fun to say one, but doesn’t make the list partly because while I get a feeling of power from it, I don’t get an image like I do with a lot of the other tribes, and partly because I have a lot of nostalgia for “Survivor Guatemala”, and worry about favoritism.

BOTTOM 5

5. Zapatera (“Survivor Redemption Island”): This one’s a bit of an odd choice for this list, as I actually kind of like the way it sounds. Fun to yell, fairly intimidating, I should like this one. However, from what little Spanish I know, I believe “Zapatera” is derived from the word for “show”, which is not the least bit intimidating. I put this one at the bottom because I’m not 100% certain on my translation, but if I’m right, this is an awful name.

4. Heroes (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains): Remember how I said I don’t like English Tribe names? Yeah, this is the worst of it. I’ll grant you that it fit the theme of the season, which is why it’s as low on the list as it is, but it seems lame, and doesn’t make sense. There are no objective “Heroes” on “Survivor”. We shouldn’t have a tribe explicitly dedicated to them either.

3. Hunah Poo-Poo (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”): As I said before, any tribe name that resembles a bodily function is not a good idea. But overall, this just fails as a name in general. As far as I know it doesn’t translate into anything, intimidating or otherwise, is tricky to say and spell, and doesn’t seem like it’s fun to yell. Very few positives at all for this one, though at least the translation doesn’t hurt it like it does the entries above it.

2. La Flor (“Survivor Nicaragua”): Flowers do not equal intimidation, particularly when the opposing tribe name translates to “sword”. Need I say more?

1. Chuay Gahn (“Survivor Thailand”): This one fails on multiple levels. I’ll give a few points for using actual Thai words, but could you have come up with ones that better translate? Having your tribe named “To Help One Another” doesn’t exactly strike fear into the opponent’s hearts. ON top of this, even if it is grammatically correct Thai, it still sounds stupid. It sounds like a petulant kid who had his Chewbacca plushie taken away (“Chewey Gone!”). Just a bad idea overall.

Honorable Mention: Luzon (“Survivor Cagayan”): There’s nothing technically wrong with this name, but when the losing tribe of the season has the word “lose” in their name, it needs to be acknowledged as a bad idea.

Well, after an average start to the season, I’m averagely tired. See you next week!
-Matt
Title Credit to Jean Storrs.