“Survivor” What-Ifs?: The Australian Outback

The off-season is upon us; I’m well-rested up.  As such, I think it’s time to revive off-season content once again, and I’m itching to get back to my old staple “Survivor What-Ifs?”, the series where I look at a pivotal moment in the show’s history, change one little thing, and see how that change influences things down the line.  I did a few of these last major off-season, and if I may be so bold, I think those were some of my best work yet on this series.  That said, they were all relatively later in the timeline.  Nothing that was particularly taxing in terms of how much history happened since then.  So, let’s change that by going as far back as I’ve ever gone with one of these blogs.  Time to go Back to the Outback with “Survivor The Australian Outback”.  

First, a couple of reminders, since it’s been a while since we’ve done one of these blogs.  I divide this style of blog into three sections: “The Impact”, which looks at the change we’re making, and how it affects the episode in which it occurs; “The Fallout”, which considers how the change impacts the entire rest of the season; and “The Legacy”, which looks both at how returnees change moving forward from the season, as well as how individual characters and the season as a whole are perceived in comparison to their current incarnation.  With this last part in particular, I have to discuss, at least a bit, how things went down in our timeline.  As such, there will be SPOILERS ahead.  If you haven’t seen anything after “Survivor Borneo” (in which case I question why you’re reading this blog, but hey, happy to have you anyway), this will not be a safe read from a spoiler perspective.  Now, necessary business out of the way, let’s look at the pivotal moment we’re making a change to for this season.  

THE IMPACT

Australia as a season has a number of pivotal moments or “inflection points”, if you will, that I could make a change too.  Part of why the season is so beloved today is that there’s drama in seeing how things could so EASILY have gone a different way, and how precisely every piece had to move to get the outcome we know.  However, while I could talk about what would happen if Skupin doesn’t fall in the fire, or if the person Tina replaced didn’t back out due to the planned “skydiving” opening, or if Kucha votes for Jerri at the merge, or if Amber flipped on Ogakor after Jerri’s ouster, I feel like all of these get a lot of talk in their own right.  Instead, I’m going to focus on a still well-known, but less discussed, inflection point for this season.  

Episode 4 of “Survivor The Australian Outback” is perhaps best known for its voting confessionals, particularly Tina’s iconic “Let the games begin” one.  Memorable as that is, I don’t see a lot of people mention the little detail she let slip in it; namely that voting Mitchell was a “last minute” change.  As in literally on the walk to Tribal Council, with no cameras rolling (hence the rule change for no talking on the way to Tribal moving forward).  This is because, despite Mitchell getting voted out, he was not the original target.  Unsurprisingly, Jerri was, since she was grating on Keith and Tina’s nerves.  How would the votes for that work, you ask?  Well, Tina’s original pitch was not to Colby, but to MITCHELL, hoping he would flip on allies Jerri and Amber.  Mitchell declined, thus leading to the last minute pitch to Colby to vote out Mitchell due to his physical weakness.  

Obviously, this plan worked in our timeline, but what if it wasn’t necessary?  What if Tina HAD managed to convince Mitchell to flip at this juncture?  Yes, a tad unrealistic for this timeline, but I think had Tina informed Mitchell of an alternate plan to vote him off if he DIDN’T flip, then there’s a possibility Mitchell flips just to save his own skin.  So, what happens then?

The obvious outcome here is Jerri goes home.  Either Tina also makes a pitch to Colby, or else we get a tie vote, and then Colby flips on a revote.  Dude was loyal enough, but he was also annoyed by Jerri and Amber by this point, so probably wouldn’t lose too much sleep over turning on them to save his own skin.  Yes, the black widow, the original villainess, goes out unceremoniously in episode 4.  Contemplate that while we move on to the next section.  

THE FALLOUT

In the short term, this change doesn’t really alter the next few episodes of the season.  True, Mitchell’s there instead of Jerri, and he’s weaker in challenges at this point, but I don’t see that altering too much.  Unless Mitchell was THAT MUCH of a challenge sink, or needed an evacuation, Kucha still loses, mostly due to not having to sit someone out on the maze challenge.  Their larger numbers make navigation harder, and thus they lose and we still lose Kimmi in this spot.  

Mitchell’s presence or absence obviously has no impact on Skupin getting medevacced.  The merge vote also probably goes down similarly to our timeline, since Colby would have at least some incentive to give Ogakor a leg up in numbers, and would go along with the “look like a jerk so they think I have votes on me” plan that worked to perfection in our timeline.  

Really, the first change in boot order is a minor one, with Amber going out when Jerri does in our timeline, at the final 8.  Amber, understandably, is probably upset at being blindsided, and losing her number one ally in the process.  Tempting as it is to say this means she flips to Kucha, given that she was still betrayed in our timeline and didn’t flip, I’m inclined to say she doesn’t do so here either.  It’s also tempting to say Kucha gets straight-up Pagonged, but again, I don’t think that’s realistic.  While I think Amber flipping post-merge is UNLIKELY, it’s a non-zero chance. Tina is still in control of the Ogakor alliance at this point, and is not one to let such a threat lie dormant.  Thus, with Nick immune and Roger and Elisabeth having bonded with Tina, I still think she uses this opportunity to eliminate an unstable element from the game, namely an Amber who could possibly flip on them.  

With a largely unchanged boot order, however, Tina confronts a new hardship, one no amount of strategizing on her part could overcome.  Tina faces a new problem on her path to victory.  One I like to call “The Problem of Colby”.  

Let’s not mince matters: Colby is good in challenges (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” notwithstanding).  There’s a reason the man holds a record for individual immunity wins that has only ever been tied, not surpassed.  For the Ogakor alliance in our timeline, this was largely a feature, not a bug.  It kept all of Kucha vulnerable, and since Colby was in the core threesome that ran the alliance, helped keep them safe by and large as well.  In THIS timeline, though, Colby’s not in the core of the alliance.  He’s the fourth.  And he knows it.  

Tina would, of course, likely want to get rid of such an outsider on roughly the same timescale as in our timeline, in this case around when Amber goes out.  The issue is that you CAN’T get rid of Colby.  By the time he’s a threat to the alliance, he’s already on his immunity tear, and as we know from our timeline, no one can stop him.  As such, while not a STRAIGHT Pagonging, Kucha does go out more linearly than in our timeline, with Amber’s early exit being the only break.  Rodger and Elisabeth each move down a spot in placement, and Mitchell makes the final four.  That’s the point where Mitchell probably goes out for being the least likely to win a challenge over Colby, though of course Colby wins the Final Immunity Challenge, since he’s against the same people as in our timeline, and we saw how that went.  

Here’s where we get to the real meat that’s going to impact the legacy of this season.  In our timeline, Colby controversially took Tina to the end with him over Keith, giving up a guaranteed win for a more 50/50 shot, while simultaneously cementing himself as the “good guy” of the season.  It took a very specific set of circumstances to get to such an outcome, with Tina needing to work Colby over hard and run the narrative of the season to give Colby the incentive needed to take her.  

In this timeline, Colby has no such incentive.  Tina is good, but can’t overcome the fact that Colby was fourth out of Ogakor, only making it to the end thanks to immunity wins.  As such, he has no incentive to take Tina, since she never did much for him, and he looks like the “good guy” by challenge-winning his way to the end anyway.  Thus, the finals is instead Colby vs. Keith.  Unsurprisingly, Colby wins in a landslide victory.  Probably not perfect (Tina at least votes for Keith, and I could see Mitchell in this timeline doing so as well), but definitely a decisive victory.  But what does this say about the season as a whole?

THE LEGACY

In a bit of a twist on formula, we need to talk about how the editing and perception of this season changes before we talk about how this affects returnees, because how the show is edited IS what impacts the returnees.  At first glance, one might be tempted to say that these changes hurst the legacy of Australian Outback.  No Jerri?  No major villain.  No Colby/Tina Final Tribal Council?  Boring, predictable ending, and Colby isn’t quite the same hero that he is in our timeline.  Surely that makes for a worse season, right?

Not so!  Just because the show doesn’t have Jerri doesn’t mean it can’t have an iconic conflict.  Faced with close to another straight Pagonging, my guess is the show plays up the internal Ogakor divisions.  Rather than Jerri being the villain, and Colby the righteous hero who flipped against her, Jerri’s “villainy” is much more played down here.  After all, aside from the Kel incident (which was not nearly as big a villain moment in-game as it was on the show), most of Jerri’s “villainous” moments are either snarky commentary (which can be cut out) or happened post-merge.  With an early Jerri exit, she’s not nearly the villain she was.  

Who are the “villains” then?  Why, those who flipped on the perfectly innocent Jerri and Amber, just because they found them mildly annoying!  Tina probably bears the brunt of this as the ringleader, but Mitchell and Keith catch their fair share of heat as well.  Colby, however?  Well, he flipped more out of necessity, and probably gets in some good confessionals about how bad he feels about doing so.  Thus, the “Ogakor 3” are now the villains who need to be defeated.  As such, Colby winning challenges to get to the end is seen as a righteous takedown against heavy odds.  After all, if he loses one time once his streak starts, he’s probably dead meat.  All the more impressive way to win then, particularly in the public’s eye at the time, when the game was just as much about literal “survival” as it was about social survival.  

In summary, Colby’s star rises even higher than in our timeline.  He may not get his “good guy” moment, but he does conquer the villainous “Ogakor 3”.  Tina is the major villain of the season, Mitchell is more memorable just for sticking around longer (sadly his failing health limits his potential as a character, so this is still probably his only appearance), and Jerri is at best a fallen hero, at worst, a forgotten player.  I’d say these changes average out to Australian Outback being remembered about the same amount as in our timeline.  After all, a lot of it was just timing.  The zeitgeist was at its highest point when it aired, so the season was always going to be iconic.  It’s POSSIBLE that the season is remembered slightly less fondly than our timeline, if only because Tina, while more effective as a villain, is less iconic in confessionals than Jerri, but again, I think the timing of the season more than makes up for that.  And hey, without the villain arc, Jerri’s mental health is probably in a MUCH better state in this timeline, and we respect that around here.  

How would all this impact the gameplay of seasons moving forward?  Most of the trends we know would remain the same, with perhaps a slight acceleration of the “get out the challenge threats” mentality.  Given that such a mentality started becoming prominent in “Survivor Marquesas”, a mere two seasons later though, I’m inclined to say it doesn’t change much.  More impactful is that we don’t have a female winner until that same season.  As such, Vecepia’s win is a MUCH bigger deal in this timeline, and she doubtless gets a few calls to return that she doesn’t get in this one.  

Speaking of returnees, let’s talk about “Survivor All-Stars” because this new timeline does shake things up a bit there.  Colby of course returns, with an even bigger target on his back this time due to being a winner.  Alicia still has her iconic blow-up with Kimmi that lands her on the season.  And what the hey, we’ll leave Amber on the season, since she’s just as much of a “WTF?” pick in this timeline.  Conversely, Jerri is in no way present.  She is not the iconic villain of the season, and thus, probably no invite.  In her place, I think it’s safe to say that Kelly Goldsmith (“Survivor Africa”) comes in.  We know she was an alternate for the season already, and with no one around to fill the spot of “slightly villainous female early merge boot”, Kelly slots in quite nicely.  Probably wouldn’t even have to switch up tribes, since if you’re going to have four players from Africa on the season, Kelly and Ethan probably have the least connection to one another, and thus are the best to stick on the same tribe.  

Whether Tina is on or not is a bit of a tough nut to crack.  True, she is the villain of the season, and the season itself is iconic, but on the other hand, she’s not quite the confessional giver that Jerri is.  Maybe it’s enough to get her on, but given that we’ve got three from Australia already (and Colby is the big “get” of that group), I could see Tina getting passed up.  If she is, then probably either Vecepia takes her place, or else Helen Glover of “Survivor Thailand” for filling something of the same archetype.  Ironically, if Tina IS brought on, she’s probably not first out, as she doesn’t have “winner downside” working against her.  That, however, would probably be a blog in and of itself.  

Being the big hero of the season, Colby probably comes back for “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, still on the Heroes tribe, and his disappointing performance there probably still happens.  This also probably means that Colby doesn’t show up on “Survivor Winners at War” despite being so popular.  Dude’s just burnt out by then, and not.a fan of how restrictive the seasons have become, exploration-wise. Jerri, no longer a villain, doesn’t show up on Heroes vs. Villains, and I don’t see Tina taking her place.  Similar to Kelly, I think the much-publicized alternate shows up, specifically Natalie Bolton of “Survivor Micronesia”.  Naturally, this drastically changes the season, though again, that probably would be worthy of its own blog.  

Surprisingly, not much else changes, returnee-wise.  There’s no new real stars to potentially make it onto a second chances ballot, and only those who did were considered for “Game Changers”.  Man, it’s hard to end these things not talking about the season as a whole , and it’s perception.  

Still, this was a fun blog to do, and it’s great to be back in the groove.  Thanks for reading, and please feel free to sound off about this change.  Does this seem plausible, or would it go a completely different way in your mind.  Let me know in the comments, along with what changes YOU’D like to see covered on one of these blogs in the future!  You will be credited if your suggestion is used.  Guidelines for changes are listed below:  

1. One Change Only: This can’t be a whole bunch of things or multiple things going another way to alter the course of a season.  This must be one singular event that alters the season in some way.  Cascade effects, where one change naturally leads to another, are ok, but they have to be natural and logical.  As an example, Shii-Ann not flipping and Chuay Gahn losing the final 10 immunity challenge on “Survivor Thailand” would definitely change things, but those are two independent changes that need to happen, and therefore not appropriate for this blog.  I should also mention that the change has to be an EVENT, not a play style.  Yes, “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” probably goes much differently if Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) isn’t an asshole to everyone, but apart from that never happening, it’s a change in overall play style, not a single moment.  It’s also, as I say, implausible, which leads to my next ground rule…

2. The Change Must Be Realistic: An unlikely change is ok, but it has to be something that COULD have happened, or it’s not worth writing about.  Yes, Fang winning the first immunity challenge on “Survivor Gabon” would drastically change the season.  Would it ever happen?  No.  So there’s no point in writing about it.  

3. The Change Must Have An Impact: By this, I mean the change has to actually alter the season in some significant way.  Simply changing up the boot order is not enough.  Someone new has to win, the perception of the season has to change, or both.  As an example, I originally planned to do a blog on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, with a timeline where Candice didn’t flip at the final 9.  I thought this could lead to a Heroes victory.  Then I remembered that Russell Hantz plays his idol in that same episode, meaning the flip most likely doesn’t matter, and apart from a slight boot order change, the season as a whole remains untouched.  Uninteresting, and therefore not worth talking about.

In addition to these hard-and-fast guidelines, there are also what I call “Flexible Guidelines”.  As the name would imply, these can be bent with a compelling arguments, but they are things that should be borne in mind when suggesting new situations to examine:

4. US Seasons Only: This is nothing against international seasons of “Survivor”.  From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, they can be quite good.  The trouble is, as a citizen on the US, the US version of “Survivor” is the one I’m most familiar with, know the most about, and have seen the most of.  I haven’t even seen a full international season of “Survivor”, just the occasional clip.  Not knocking them, of course.  I just haven’t gotten around to viewing them.  So, while I won’t outright ban the suggesting of changes from non-US seasons of “Survivor”, bear in mind that I’m unlikely to pick them due to a lack of knowledge and lack of time to catch up on the seasons.  

5. I Will Not Do Brandon Flipping At The Africa Final 9: A flip by Brandon Quinton at the Final 9 of “Survivor Africa”, voting out Lex instead of Kelly, would indeed fit all the criteria mentioned above.  I’m refusing this particular scenario, not because it isn’t interesting or worth talking about, but because it was already covered by Mario Lanza in his book “When it Was Worth Playing For”.  He covered it so well and so thoroughly that I don’t think I would have anything to add.  I’m willing to consider this scenario if someone can give me a compelling reason that Mario is wrong, or there’s some aspect he didn’t consider, but until that time, this scenario is out.  Other “Survivor Africa” scenarios are ok, though.

6. Try Not To Repeat Seasons: This is by far the most flexible of the flexible guidelines, particularly as many seasons have multiple inflection points with a fascinating change to dissect.  However, to prevent a lot of repetition, I try and prioritize scenarios from a season I haven’t done a “What-If?” on yet, over ones that I’ve already covered one scenario on.  You can feel free to submit scenarios for seasons I’ve already looked at, but bear in mind that I’m unlikely to cover them until I’m out of ideas for “What-Ifs?” on seasons I haven’t done yet.  For reference, at the time of this writing, I have done scenarios from the following seasons: The Australian Outback, Africa, Marquesas, Pearl Islands, All-Stars, Palau, Guatemala, Exile Island, Micronesia, Gabon, Samoa, Heroes vs. Villains, Redemption Island, One World, Philippines, Blood vs. Water, Cambodia, Game Changers, Ghost Island, Island of the Idols, Winners at War.

Once again, thanks for coming back and reading my ravings.  Looking forward to seeing you all in the next one!

-Matt

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Kaoh Rong” Episode 7: The Return of the Knee

Why must the things I love always get stupid knee infections that require being pulled from the game? Yes, just when you’d thought we’d seen the end of the four-peats on “Survivor”, Jonathan Penner (“Survivor Cook Islands”) comes back with a vengeance, and takes it out on poor Neal. Penner at least had the decency to wait until Neal would end up on the jury to wreak havoc, but it’s still not very nice. Shame on you, Penner.

But first, time for another edition of…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Yes, I’m really on a roll here! Two episodes in a row where I made a mistake in my blog! Rather than a mistake of omission this time, it’s a mistake of misremembering, so at least there’s some variety there. When talking about Debbie’s “Women’s alliance” move with Michele, I say that they agree to go against Nick. Who they actually target is Jason. I wonder how I could possibly have made that mistake, given that Nick’s been getting the “douchbag” portrayal, and apart from some bullying, Jason’s been getting a pretty good edit thus far. Plus, Michele has personal conflict with Nick. Why would I EVER assume that Nick would be targeted before Jason. But now, once again, it’s Penner Time.

Yes, Penner ultimately does a number on the old Chan Loh, but he’s not the only one. Chaos reigns at the new Gondol post-Tribal Council, as you’d expect given how chaotic it was. Scot in particular is unhappy with the outcome, which makes sense given his “No Nonsense” sort of personality. However, he first takes his rage out on Joe for voting against the plan, which is odd, since Joe never seemed to be IN on that plan. These are the sort of things we ought to SEE, producers! Fortunately for Joe, he’s not the only one to be on the receiving end of a Scot rant. No, despite the fact that Aubry ultimately DID WHAT YOU WANTED, Scot thinks her waffling is too much to bear. A bit of an overreaction, but I can at least see his logic. As I said, Scot is not a complicated guy, and wants everything to stay simple. This move of Aubry’s is anything but simple. In her defense, I will say that she might legitimately have been confused, given the chaos of Tribal Council, but I do get Scot’s idea. Still, he’s being harsh, and starts earning that “bully” title that he and Jason have been wearing of late. He’s particularly mean in saying that, come next Tribal Council, he’ll be writing down “Aubry” and “Joe” alternately, and then crossing out all but his actual vote. That’s just harsh. Aubry and Joe both realize the predicament they’re in, lamenting that now they don’t have the numbers. Yep, if we didn’t know the merge was coming, this would be particularly bad!

Just to pile on the “royally screwed” for the old Chan Loh, we see a scene of Neal “fishing” with a saw. This in and of itself is nothing special, but Cydney breaks her silence to have a keen observation. There’s a noticeable bulge in Neal’s pocket, and given that we see that he’s not mad keen on working with the old To Tang, I doubt he’s happy to see you. She and Jason correctly conclude that it’s an idol. Since they plan on working against the old Chan Loh, blindsiding Neal becomes a top priority. While Neal didn’t hide the idol somewhere other than his person will forever remain a mystery.

In a stunning twist, however, the whole of the new Chan Loh is blindsided! A strange boat approaches shore, and a note tells them to gather their things in five minutes, since a merge is nigh! Just as we were told! Remember back in the old days, when the merge would come up in really unexpected and exciting ways, where each one was unique? Well, those days are gone, and the merge is just a ho-hum event now. Granted, the edition of a time limit in gathering things is nice, but we’ve seen it before, and we don’t get any real chaos from this one, so what was the point?

Evidently the two beaches are just a commercial break away, as everyone gathers on the Gondol Beach for the merge, Aubry celebrating her new life in this game. During the usual “How nice! The merge!” confessionals, we learn that the tribe’s name is Dara. Evidently we only get one good name every now and again, because after the triumph of a name that was “Orkun”, we now get something as simple and lame as “Dara”. Wow, that’s REALLY lazy and unmemorable. Come on, make your new tribe name something UNIQUE already! What’s worse, we don’t even get any sort of logic behind this new name! Is it the name of someone’s loved one? An actual word in K’hmer? Nonsense made up because it sounds funny? Was someone just a really big fan of Darrah Johnson from “Survivor Pearl Islands”, and just couldn’t spell her name right? Give me some answers here!

Sigh… Well, at least their flag looks cool when we see it.

As is now the norm with this cast, everything seems cordial at the merge feast. Flirtation abounds, as Debbie confesses her feelings towards Nick, and more humorously, Scot and Jason get in a joking fight over the affections of Tai. Ok, I’m going to be giving this episode a REALLY hard time later, so let me say for the record that this particular scene is great and hilarious. Definitely the highlight of the episode.

Sadly, as it always must, the bliss of the new merge ends. Unsurprisingly, resident douchebag Nick is the one to bring us back to our senses by being a douchebag and talking about how awesome and observant he is. Unlike last episode, at least at first, his observations seem to be a bit off the mark. He talks about the arrogance of the old To Tang, and while we do see a BIT of that later, we initially get that confessional over the comedic “Tai flirtation” scene, which doesn’t really seem arrogant at all.

The next scene doesn’t really give us arrogance either! Stupidity, perhaps, but not arrogance. Up until this point, while perhaps a bit blunt and unforgiving, Scot could be said to be playing a smart game, making the moves he needs to make and keeping everything on the down-low. Here, after being informed by Jason of the “Neal has an idol!” thing, Scot spills the beans to Nick AFTER BARELY KNOWING HIM! Sure, Nick’s made it pretty clear that he wants to go with them, but Scot can’t really know that, and that’s a BIG secret to share with someone who’s loyalty has yet to be tested, guy! Surely, though, Jason is better than this, and won’t be spilling even more beans to to Nick…

Oh wait, scratch that, Jason wants on the stupid train as well! He gets Scot talking about Tai’s idol, and the power they have. So now, you’re giving Nick even more power! Great work there, brain trust! Between that and your asshole-y “Shoving geeks in lockers.” comment later on, you guys are really dropping every ball this evening. First the strategy ball, and now the likability ball.

Sure enough, while he plays everything close to the chest, Nick DOES go and talk to the old Chan Loh, considering the fact that, as Neal points out, the old To Tang members are more likely to win individual challenges, and as Aubry later points out, are a tight threesome, whereas the old Chan Loh has more room to maneuver into. It’s actually a pretty decent dilemma, though it would at first seem odd that it’s the old Gondol that’s being wooed by both sides. Logic dictates that when you have two foursomes and a threesome, that you try and woo the threesome to get a majority. In this case, however, it makes sense that the old Gondol, rather than the old To Tang, would be the swing votes. After all, while the old Gondol is tied for most original tribe members left, they’re a fractious bunch, whereas the old To Tang and the old Chan Loh are both pretty united fronts. Thus, not only do you not need to swing all of them, but they’re overall an easier bunch to swing. It’s pretty standard gameplay, but as I’ve said before, after blogging seasons like “Survivor One World”, it’s nice to see groups of people collectively doing the sensible thing.

But enough with Nick, where does Michele stand on this? After all, she’s the other swing vote. You’d think, especially given how tight they were before the swap, that Michele and Julia would stick as swing votes together, but Julia for this entire episode is counted as a number for To Tang, and we never hear anything to the contrary. I guess one vote buys eternal loyalty now. Jason tries to woo Michele and Julia, and it’s here that we get the aforementioned “Geeks in lockers.” comment. Now Jason’s being somewhat arrogant, but Nick’s confessionals are nowhere to be found. Now, it’s sounding like Jason thinks his side is the obvious one, and he’s got the game all figured out. Not as much arrogance as we’ll be seeing later, but it’s enough to get Michele questioning her loyalties. As she puts it “She’s not married to Brawn and Beauty just yet.”

Meanwhile, back in Nick-land (yes, sadly we spend the majority of our time here this episode. Curse you swing vote!), we actually get some stuff that’s only TANGENTIALLY related to Nick, instead of directly. Basically, Debbie wants to make sure that her group stays in the majority, and this means finding allies wherever she can. Rather than be fully confident in Nick, she tries to gain other allies, which is good. But then she goes about it in a moronic way, which as you might guess, isn’t good at all. She basically ambushes Tai, and effectively tells him “We’re in an alliance now.” Tai, naturally, is put off by this, thereby ruining any chance he had of flipping. Granted, those chances were minimal to begin with, since he and Scot seem to have something going, but still, nice work, Debbie. She calls it “Aggressive Play”. Pretty much everyone else calls it “Horrible Play” And Debbie had been doing so well, too! Look, it’s not that looking for allies is bad, but you want to keep it on the down-low, and have it be by mutual consent. By strong-arming people, you turn them off to working with you. By being blatant about making new allies, you turn your old ones against you. Silent backup plans are one thing, but blatant fraternizing with the enemy only serves to weaken your position.

Oh, but Debbie isn’t done! She must COMPOUND the stupidity by basically doing the same thing to Nick, a guy you were masterfully stringing along one episode ago! WHY?!

Yes folks, after a long hiatus, we’ve returned to genuinely stupid gameplay. I’ve resisted “Coach” (“Survivor Tocantins”) comparisons a lot on this blog, in large part because everyone has already made them, but also because I haven’t felt them appropriate. Yes, they’re both people sort of on the fringe of sanity with some decent gameplay in them, but Debbie doesn’t seem as publicly self-aggrandizing as Coach ever did, and her stories, while still a bit ludicrous, are much more plausible than Coach’s. Here, though, Debbie goes full Coach. There’s no other comparison. Talking about how no one is playing on the level you are? Strong-arming people who don’t need to be strongarmed? Find me a better fit than Coach.

Still, one good thing does come of Debbie’s return to madness: Aubry comes into her own!

Yep, someone needs to do damage control, and that someone is Aubry. Taking her own initiative, she talks to Nick on her own, vainly trying to convince him that Debbie can be controlled, and that he and Michele would be way up in the alliance. Nick’s certainly willing to listen, and even seems to respect the pitch, but isn’t biting overall. Aubry relays this info to her ally Neal, now that the two have reconnected. All seems lost, until Neal reveals his idol to Aubry. At this point, given how much of a mess Debbie’s made, it’s highly unlikely that Nick and Michele can be pulled back into the fold, so while I’m never a fan of “idol play” as the main plan, I can see why it would be attractive and a good idea here.

We could move on to the challenge, but I want to spend another paragraph talking about Aubry. I know, I know, it’s blatant favoritism for my favorite player from this season, but it’s my blog, I get to do that. Plus, I think it merits mentioning. I’ve seen a number of people online saying that Aubry has no chance, that she’s just a wallflower who hasn’t really done anything. And it’s true, we haven’t seen as much of her as some others, because she’s not as big a character, but she’s far from done nothing, and I use this particular interaction with Nick as evidence. While it sadly seems to take a lot to get Aubry moving into more of a “game mode”, when the chips are down, this girl gets stuff done! Give her a tough situation, and she steps up to the plate and does everything in her power to swing things in her favor. In many ways, that’s harder to do than creating a blindside when you’re in power, since you have despair to contend with along with everything else. We haven’t seen as much of it beyond this episode (apart from her performance at the first immunity challenge), but you can tell it’s there, and that’s what makes me like her. She tackles adversity head-on, and won’t give up until she’s won or lost firmly, and that, above all else, is to be admired. And while she did act aloof when in power, and maybe could have handled the Peter boot slightly better, this shows that she can be quite an excellent social player when she wants to be.

Well, if I’m going to have MY indulgence, I’d better give Probst one as well. Hence, before we get to our immunity challenge, we get the “Infection Hour”, where Probst out of pretty much nowhere gets everyone talking about their infections. Tai, Scot, and Aubry all have infections on the inner thigh, while Neal has “Mount St. Neal” on his knee, which looks pretty bleak. Thank you, Probst, for showing us these out-of-the-blue injuries that weren’t built up at all and are pretty horrible to look at.

Oh, and we should also talk about this season’s individual immunity idol. Not as good as the tribal immunity idol, but that was a tough act to follow. This one does a pretty good job, being a circle of woven bands of tribe-colored string, but with some shrunken heads added for effect. A bit out there, and not the most stand-our idol ever, but it gets the job done pretty well. It sort of combines the best elements of the individual immunity idols from “Survivor Africa” and “Survivor Philippines” with the tribal immunity idol from “Survivor Exile Island”.

Ok, ok, so I’m stalling because I don’t want to talk about the immunity challenge! It’s SO BORING! It’s the damn “balance the balls on the disc” challenge that originated on “Survivor Redemption Island”. Already a bad sign, and made worse by the fact that it doesn’t look interesting the slightest, and is overused to the point of nausea. I get that it’s easy to make, challenging, and a nice endurance challenge, but REALLY, come up with something better.

At least we get a nice surprise in this one. With a challenge being about balance, you expect larger, top-heavy men to be first out of this one, and it somewhat holds true with Joe being the first casualty. But the Debbie falls, being outlasted by both Jason and Scot. Granted, they’re not far behind, but I had Debbie as a potential winner of this challenge. Guess those years of waitressing didn’t help out too much after all. And, in the end, Nick wins the whole thing, beating out Tai and Julia in the final round. Whodathunkit? Personally, I’d have picked either of those two over Nick.

Since Nick was a swing vote, his winning immunity doesn’t change anything, so it seems like the old To Tang will take it all this time around. And let me tell you, they REALLY kick it into high gear with the arrogance now, talking about how their plan can’t possibly fail, and they’re going to pick off the old Chan Loh one by one. Yeah, suffice to say that Jason and Scot really don’t look too good this episode, and if I didn’t have a HUGE dislike for them before, I do now.

That’s not to say, of course, that they aren’t somewhat justified in that arrogance. They do seem to be in the dominant position. Nick’s pretty much already declared his loyalty, such as it is, but Debbie and Aubry make another attempt to sway the opinion of Michele. Unfortunately, in a rare misstep for Aubry this episode, she lets Debbie do the talking. While Debbie doesn’t do QUITE as badly as she did with Tai and Nick, and Aubry does bring up a good point about the tightness of the old To Tang, they still come off looking wishy-washy, not helped when they can’t even decide whether to target Scot or Jason. Come on, Aubry, you can do better than this!

In one really good move for Nick, he and Michele discuss their strategy. Last time this happened, you’ll recall that Nick dismissed Michele’s thoughts out of hand, and alienated a potential ally. Neither of these things is really a good idea. Evidently, Nick can travel through time, somehow read this blog in the time between episodes, and took it to heart, because he plays this PERFECTLY! He politely asks Michele what she wants, agrees with her, and makes it like a discussion. And thus, the deal is set to send Aubry home, since the alliance doesn’t yet have the numbers to split the votes, and they’re certain that Aubry won’t have the idol. Pretty good misdirection as to whether or not Aubry will end up with idol, should make for a fun Tribal Council. Sad to see such a definitive answer to where Nick and Michele would go, but I can’t fault them for that decision. The old Chan Loh has not been presenting themselves well this episode, and it’s just smarter to go with the old To Tang. They may be united, but you can outthink them, and if you can unite, you’re four over three, which are pretty good odds. Plus, you’re sticking with your old tribemates, which is generally safer than going into the unknown.

But wait! We see Probst coming in with one Dr. Rupert (yeah, yeah, “He’s Rupert from ‘Survivor Pearl Islands’!”, everyone’s made that joke already), and right away, you can see where this episode is going. We were promised three medical evacuations, and we’ve only had one. Someone’s getting carted away, thus paving the way for a repeat of “Survivor Philippines”, with the returnees being exclusively from “Survivor Kaoh Rong”. And this, my friends, is where the episode dies. It hadn’t been the best before, with a lot of cocky arrogance making it hard to watch. While the dilemma of which side would win was a good one, it’s about to get neutered, making this episode pretty much pointless. On top of that, there was pretty much NO foreshadowing for this! And granted, I don’t like when they telegraph a boot, but I feel like medical evacuations are the place where we NEED some warning. Build up the spectacle through the entire episode. Don’t just mention it before the challenge, and then suddenly have it be the defining factor. This came out of the blue, and I don’t like it one bit. It renders most of the episode pointless, and delays the interesting conflict.

Everyone with an infection gets examined, with differing results. Tai’s look ok, so he’s safe. Scot’s is worse, but not too bad, so he just gets away with close monitoring. Aubry’s is like Scot’s but, bigger, so she gets put on antibiotics. With one medical evacuation still on the way, that’s pretty worrying, but she’s not leaving the game. The problem is Neal. Despite not feeling any pain, the infection is near the joint, which worries Dr. Rupert. To his credit, Neal does pretty much everything he can to avoid being pulled from the game. He protests, insists it’s fine, and only caves in when the doctor insists he has to leave. Thankfully, Probst largely leaves the proceedings alone for everyone, just making a clarifying comment after each examination. That’s the role he really needs to play here, and he does it well.

But yes, this means the loss of Neal, which is a sad one. We sadly didn’t see too much of Neal, and I get the feeling he’ll go down as a poorly-remembered player of the season, but I got the idea that he had more in him than we saw, and I hope we get the chance to develop it later.

Neal has a tearful goodbye with everyone, though he pulls a Colton Cumbie (“Survivor One World”), and opts to keep the idol for himself. I’d say that he did it because giving his alliance the idol would make them targets, but if J.T. can slip an idol into a freaking SHOE on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” without it being seen, then surely Neal can find a way to drop it in Aubry’s bag or something. Come on, dude, you know they’re in trouble! Find a way to help them out!

So basically, we had an unforeshadowed exit of a good player by unsatisfying means, thereby delaying all the good stuff for next episode. You see why this one doesn’t really work. Apart from the “good person leaving” part, this is pretty much a carbon-copy of the merge episode of “Survivor San Juan del Sur”, which, need I remind you, is NOT the season to copy! We have someone getting a non-gameplay elimination, thus delaying an interesting conflict in both. Is this one as bad as the one on “Survivor San Juan del Sur”? Thankfully no. There, we had a quit rather than a medevac, which is harder to watch, and the arrogance here wasn’t AS painful, so points there. That does not, however, a good episode make.

Fortunately, there are two good points this time around. First off, the rise of Aubry is fun to watch, and will hopefully continue to be fun to watch! I’d like to think she can find a way out of this, but I don’t see one at the moment. Second, though, the debate of which side to go with can now continue into next episode, and as we saw in “Survivor San Juan del Sur”, that can make all the difference.

But, since it’s merge time, it’s time for another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

Since they’re what the episode SHOULD have been about, let’s talk medevacs. Hardly the most pleasant part of the show, and things that should be avoided at all costs, they can nevertheless make for the occasional spectacle that reminds us of the seriousness of the environment. While I don’t wish harm on anyone, in a perverse way, they can be entertaining. Therefore, I’ll be judging these medevacs based on entertainment value. For me, that comes down to a combination of the spectacle of their injury, plus the person it’s happening to and their reaction to it. Again, it’s perverse, but it’s human nature. Like a car crash, you can’t look away. Also, if this person appeared on multiple seasons, I’ll be listing the one they were on when they got evacuated for them. Let’s get started with…

TOP 5

5. Bruce Kanegai (“Survivor Exile Island”): People tend to forget that medevacs were rare back in the day, let alone seeing medical. When Bruce’s colon became blocked, it was the first time in five years that medical had to come out and look at someone. That alone made it stand out, but the fact that it happened to Bruce made it rougher. Like the guy for his quirkiness or hate him for how entitled and bossy he could be, you had to agree that Bruce was pretty stoic. The man got his lip chopped in half and brushed it off! So, when he was keeling over in pain, you knew it was serious. Not as serious as the other stuff that’ll be on this list, since this one was harder to see for the audience, but still pretty serious. What really lands it on this list, though, is the reaction of everyone else upon Bruce’s leaving. As I said, Bruce was a real love-or-hate character, and he was definitely not universally popular amongst his fellow contestants. In a case of not speaking ill of the proverbially dead, though, everyone gave nice, touching thoughts on Bruce, and even cleaned his rock garden for him. How sweet.

4. Russell Swan (“Survivor Samoa”): A member of my alma mater, and member of the dominant tribe of the season (at least pre-merge), Russell was a hard guy to hate. He was tough, and while he made mistakes, he was generally a good leader. When we heard someone would nearly DIE on the show, no one expected him. But a combination of unending rain and an undying work ethic dehydrated Russell to the point of collapse, and that shocked pretty much everyone, even ultimately ending a reward challenge due to the seriousness of it. We’d never really seen anyone that close to death on the show before, and it therefore becomes seared into one’s brain, earning it this spot on the list. It was creepy enough seeing Russell pass out when medical was there, but seeing it the first time, when you didn’t know what was going on, that was real terror. And, in many ways on this list, that’s actually kind of a good thing.

3. Caleb Reynolds (“Survivor Kaoh Rong”): This one’s pretty simple: Caleb took what happened with Russell and upped the drama immensely. True, Russell in some ways did seem closer to death than Caleb, by being still rather than convulsing, but Caleb still seemed pretty near death, and in this case, misery loves company. Things got serious for Russell, but with Caleb, Cydney, and Debbie all going down, everyone had to be on duty. As I said in my episode 4 blog, this was a great show of professionalism by the production team, and it was neat to see them come together like this. I’m glad Caleb’s ok, and that his spectacle was enough to put him up here on the list.

2. Jonathan Penner (“Survivor Micronesia”): What this one lacks in the seriousness of others, it makes up for in foreshadowing and emotion. Unlike most other medical evacuations, we had pretty much an episode and a half of buildup for this one, so we really got to take in the story. But the real kicker, though, is the emotion. They pull out the sad music, the tearful interviews, the breakdowns from his tribe. For whatever reason, production pulled out all the stops in the tear-jerker that is the exit of Jonathan Penner. And it WORKS! Man, you really feel like this is a huge loss, even though Penner probably would have been voted out sooner rather than later. With the possible exception of the number one spot, Penner being pulled for a hole in his knee is the most emotional of medical evacuations, and earns the right to be on this list.

1. Michael Skupin (“Survivor The Australian Outback”): Sometimes less is more, and the only thing production could do to make Mike’s fall in the fire more dramatic than putting music over it was, oddly enough, to do nothing. Alone on this list, this one just lets the drama play out. All the game is put on hold, all attempts to hide production gone, the seriousness just gets to play out for a good long time. And then, even when Mike gets away safely on a helicopter, we get more tear-jerking scenes of everyone on the Kucha tribe crying/rallying at the loss of Mike. Hell, even the Ogakor tribe, the ENEMY of Mike Skupin, gets in on the action, that’s just how serious and heart-rending it is! It stands out, was extremely serious, and has a lot of heart. There’s good reason this is one of the most-remembered moments in the history of the show, as well as top of this list.

Honorable Mention: Shamar Thomas (“Survivor Caramoan”): Yeah, this one may be hard to remember, but Shamar was taken out, not for being annoying, but for a sore eye that was somehow deathly serious. Low stakes and barely foreshadowed, this one by rights should be on the “Bottom 5” list. However, it’s happening to Shamar, who pretty much everyone universally wanted to see suffer, so I’ll give it an honorable mention for schadenfreude.

BOTTOM 5

5. Joe Dowdle (“Survivor Tocantins”): I’m probably being a bit harsh here, since this one WAS adequately foreshadowed, and was at least as serious as the aforementioned Penner evacuation. In fact, it was EXACTLY as serious, being an infection near the knee. So, what makes this one different? Well, apart from the editing team not giving us as many tear-jerking moments as Penner got, do you honestly remember Joe as a contestant, let alone his manner of leaving? I thought so. This one isn’t bad by any standards, but just so forgettable that it has to go on the list.

4. Neal Gottlieb (“Survivor Kaoh Rong”): It seems that those who follow in the footsteps of Penner are doomed to mediocrity. A lack of foreshadowing puts this knee infection higher than Joe’s, and the loss of a great character really hits me personally. At least we get to see Neal on the jury.

3. Gary “Papa Smurf” Stritesky (“Survivor Fiji”): Up until this point, medevacs were treated with a lot of reverence. They took up a whole episode, and honored the memory of the fallen contestant. This one basically said “Screw it, we’re moving on anyway!” Gary left with very little fanfare, which is a shame, since he was a likable guy, and the only non-recruit in the cast. On top of that, his reason for leaving turned out to be incredibly lame. It was general shortness of breath, which turned out to be caused by an allergic reaction to bug bites. BUG BITES! When you have had people downed by third-degree burns and blocked intestines, this one just seems lame by comparison. The fact that it’s basically an afterthought for the show itself is the icing on this awful cake, and a real sad ending for one of the few likable elements of the season.

2. Dana Lambert (“Survivor Philippines”): Interesting fact: Dana is the only woman to be medevaced in the history of the show. Perhaps they’re not as foolhardy as others. Sad to say, Dana does not do her gender justice. Dana was downed by some sort of jungle illness, already not the most dramatic way to go out of the game. What’s frustrating about this one, though, is the fact that Dana didn’t NEED to go then! Of all the medical evacuations, she was the only one who insisted medical take her when they said she could stay. I try not to be too judgmental of people who dare to do this show, but that’s just an insult! Were it not for the number one spot being so horrible, this show of unemotional weakness would take it!

1. Colton Cumbie (“Survivor One World”): Since the tragic and unfortunate death of Caleb Bankstown (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”), I’ve tried to leave Colton alone, since I feel like the poor guy has suffered enough, and doesn’t need some asshole on the internet tearing him down further. Unfortunately, I just can’t find a reason NOT to put Colton’s “Medical Evacuation” on this list. I use quotation marks since there’s debate about whether or not Colton faked appendicitis to leave the game, thinking he couldn’t win. I tend to discount this, since Colton was in a good position anyway, and didn’t really have a reason to want to leave the game, but I feel the controversy should be acknowledged. This one being the worst really centers around the person it happened to. Essentially, Colton annoyingly tantrummed his way into power, ran the game, and then left in an unsatisfying manner. There’s no emotion there because pretty much no one liked Colton at this point. We wanted him gone, sure, but we wanted him voted off in a satisfying manner, not this! This really was just the final insult in a season full of insults. Colton, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry for the harsh words. I’m trying to be nice to you, since I feel like you’ve had to endure a lot because of this show, but I have to call them like I see them, and your leaving the season was just the worst.

Honorable Mention: James Clement (“Survivor Micronesia”): This one has emotion and some foreshadowing, and really should be on the “Top 5” list. Unfortunately, it has the problem of coming after Penner’s exit on the same season, and without all the bells and whistles that Penner’s exit got, just feels like a second-rate rehash of a better plot. Not so bad that it needs to be on the “Bottom 5” list proper, but must still be acknowledged.

As I say, this wasn’t a good episode for the season, but hopefully, good things will come, and it doesn’t ruin the season by any stretch. Keep your glasses raised for next week!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.