“Survivor” What-Ifs?: All-Stars

Well, I promised you more frequent blogs, and here we are!  It’s time to talk about “Survivor All-Stars”, a move clearly designed to capitalize on the recent deep dive into the season on “Rob Has a Podcast”, and totally not just a lucky coincidence in any way whatsoever!  It’s not like I promised this blog a couple weeks ago or anything!  

But yeah, “Survivor All-Stars”.  A season that, on paper, should have been a slam-dunk win for the show.  18 of the fan’s favorite players duking out to see who’s the best of the best? Tributes to seasons past?  This should have been an easy victory, a contender for top season of all-time.  And yet… It’s not.  In some ways, I’d say it kind of gets off easy, since given some events we’ll talk about in the season, it should be as reviled as “Survivor Island of the Idols”, yet avoided some of the controversy by virtue of when it aired.  But between favorites going early, and some controversial/uncomfortable elements, the fanbase kind of quietly tries to pretend this season doesn’t exist.  So, can we change that?  Can we make this season the beloved fan favorite it was meant to be?  Let’s take a dive in and find out.  

Before we get into that, though, be aware that there are SPOILERS ahead.  While we will largely be going through a hypothetical scenario in this blog, the fact is, it’s hard to talk about such a scenario without comparing it to how things went down in our timeline, and thus there will be spoilers in this blog.  Primarily, this will be in relation to “Survivor All-Stars”, but some future seasons may also get discussed in the “Legacy” section.  Point being, proceed with caution.  

THE IMPACT

So, in a first for this blog, we have a change that technically occurs outside the season itself.  As mentioned in the last blog, the change is that Kathy wins the final immunity challenge of “Survivor Marquesas”, and, as a cascade effect, wins the season.  At first glance, you might think this might not change All-Stars at all.  After all, Kathy was on the season in our timeline, and as a more popular winner, you think they’re not bringing her back?  Of course, I can’t argue with any of this.  What I CAN argue with is that Kathy winning doesn’t change the makeup of All-Stars in any way.  

You see, dear reader, I think a Kathy win would force a shakeup from the tribe division we’ve come to know on this season.  Not that they would have made an effort to bring in Brian Heidik from “Survivor Thailand” to have a tribe of all-winners or anything.  If the rumors of Brian being hard to work with and demanding money up front to play again are true, that’s not happening.  But there’s no way without it that production would have three winners on a single tribe.  Was it a mistake to put the winners at such an obvious disadvantage in our timeline?  Perhaps, but at the time, I don’t think production sees it that way, and is more concerned with the previous winners not running rampant over the other players.  If Kathy stays on Mogo Mogo, then that tribe is half-winners (Kathy, Richard, and Jenna), and production’s not going to stand for that.  How do they shake it up?  Well, there’s a couple of different ways, but I think they’d ultimately go with the simplest one: Swapping two members between Mogo Mogo and Chapera.  Saboga probably gets left out since they have two winners in our timeline, but Kathy and Colby probably start on Chapter, while Boston Rob and Amber start on Mogo Mogo.  This switch seems the simplest and the neatest.  The seasonal makeup of each tribe doesn’t change, no tribe has more than two winners on it, and neither tribe gets a major challenge advantage or disadvantage by the trade.  I suppose in terms of challenges, one would rather have Kathy than Amber, but that’s a minor point.  I did consider that production might swap Alicia to Mogo Mogo instead of Amber, but then Colby and Amber start on the same tribe again, when they started on the same tribe in their first season.  Granted, that didn’t stop them from putting Tina and Jerri on the same tribe, even in our timeline, but I think doing so twice might be too much.  So, Saboga stays the same, Chapera now has Kathy and Colby, and Mogo Mogo now has Boston Rob and Amber.  So what?

THE FALLOUT

As always, with changes that happen so early in the season, it’s tough to go through decision by decision, episode by episode, and say how things would go.  Too much changes to really have, for want of a better word, “definitive” conclusions.  That said, there are some generalizations I think we can make, based on this one simple change.  

First, alliances.  Saboga remains the same, of course, since nothing changed with them.  Mogo Mogo is also fairly straightforward.  Similar to Saboga, there’s a bit of an anti-winner sentiment, or at least an anti-Richard Hatch sentiment.  Even in our timeline, Hatch was destined to be the first boot of Mogo Mogo, and I don’t see either Rob or Amber changing that.  He was the biggest fish in the pond, after all, and Jenna probably just gets lumped in with him.  Rob and Amber still hook up, and given that Rob and Lex were close before the season aired, it’s fair to say they’d team up here.  As a safety net against Rob’s coupling, Lex probably buddies up with Shii-Ann, even more so than he did in our timeline.  Chapera is a bit of a tougher nut to crack, since so much of their early strategy centered around Rob and Amber.  That said, I see Rob C. and Kathy being the pariahs, both for playing good games, and the latter for winning.  Colby probably ringleads an alliance of himself, Alicia, Big Tom, and Sue against the pair, though being Colby, he doesn’t really frame it that way.  

The second change this produces is in terms of challenges.  Saboga is still a train wreck, so a lot of outcomes remain unchanged.  However, given how big a force Boston Rob was in terms of winning the challenges, I’d say in this timeline, Chapera and Mogo Mogo flip victories from what we know.  Mostly this just swaps around first and second place, but it DOES lead to a Mogo Mogo loss in episode 4’s immunity challenge.  But oh, what an important loss that is.  You see, this is where Rob C. went out in our timeline, whereas here, he’s safe up until the dissolution of Saboga.  Who goes instead?  Assuming Mogo Mogo loses, it can only be Richard.  Dude was too big a target.  As a consequence, the incident between himself and Sue now never happens, already making this timeline an improvement over the one we got.  But this also means that Rob C. isn’t quite as screwed over as in our timeline.  He’s still screwed, of course, but at least seems to have more of a chance just due to lasting longer.  

Without Richard there to suggest Mogo Mogo tie their logs together, it’s tough to say what the outcome of the dissolution challenge would be, but given how Saboga was on a losing streak, let’s say they lose again.  The pairs stay the same, but switch to opposite tribes, Jenna and Rupert now going to Mogo Mogo, while Ethan and Jerri end up on Chapera.  How do we know this?  In the show, we see Colby wanting to take Ethan for Mogo Mogo, and his being on Chapera probably doesn’t change that.  Plus, Rob says in the commentary for the finale in our timeline that he wanted Rupert and Jenna on his tribe anyway if they got first pick, so again, probably nothing changes here, though related to a point in the previous paragraph, Sue presumably doesn’t quit, since the inciting incident no longer happens.  

From there, our win/loss flip for Chapera and Mogo Mogo continues.  While up 8-6 initially, Chapera keeps on losing and losing, sending out the winners and threats in Rob C., Kathy, and Ethan.  With no Sue quit, the losing streak continues, forcing Chapera to eat at least one of their own.  Mostly likely Sue, since even in this timeline, she probably gets on everyone’s nerves.  What’s interesting here is the second tribe swap.  If we assume the random draw still ends up lopsidedly leaving only Amber on her original tribe, joined in this timeline by Colby, Big Tom, Alicia, and Jerri.  This means that Boston Rob’s plea to save Amber, the thing that arguably inadvertently screws him over the most in our timeline, falls on deaf ears.  Unless Colby and Jerri blow up again (and if we’re assuming they made it this far without voting each other out, I think we can say that Amber won’t change that), Rob no longer has a Lex to try and make a deal with, nor a Kathy to plead his case.  There is only Colby calling the shots, and Colby doesn’t care about Rob’s romance.  Amber gets the axe, and Rob goes from cutthroat mafia don to heartbroken lover.  Heck, jumping ahead a bit, without spending the whole game together, this may even kill the Rob/Amber power couple.  There might be no Amazing Race legacy, even!  

Thus, Mogo Mogo has an edge at the merge, though very slight.  It’s nearly impossible to predict how things would go at this point, though in general, I’d say they keep their advantage.  Rob wants revenge, and Lex is happy to use that drive to his advantage, probably bringing in Big Tom as an extra sixth vote, then getting out Colby, Alicia, and Jerri, probably in that order.  From there, it comes down to who of the original Mogo Mogo can grab power.  With no Amber at his side, it’s probably not Rob.  My guess would be that Lex and Shii-Ann become the power duo of the season, though not in a romantic sense.  Between Lex’s connection to Big Tom, and Rob losing his partner, my guess would be that those two power through to the end, leading to an ultimate victory for Lex, though with Shii-Ann gaining a lot of respect along the way.  If nothing else, we lose out on the unpleasantness that is the overly-personal post-merge of our timeline.  True, it’s still pretty much a straight Pagonging, but at least it’s merely routine, rather than painful.  

THE LEGACY

For once, we’ll start with how this impacts returnee seasons, partly because there’s fewer that people from All-Stars qualify for, and partly because All-Stars doesn’t really make most anyone new more famous.  We’ve had returnees from the All-Stars era, like Rupert, Colby, and Jerri, but they were famous due to their original season, not so much their performance on this season.  Really, only Boston Rob and Amber became household names as a result of All-Stars.  Amber is now relegated to the “forgotten” pile in this timeline, but Rob is still remembered.  That said, Rob’s perception changes from how we now it in the eyes of the audience.  Rather than known as the cutthroat backstabber he was after All-Stars, Rob in this time is, ironically, noted for his loyalty.  He sticks with his original tribe throughout, and goes on a revenge quest for his girlfriend after she gets voted out.  It helps as well that he doesn’t have as many personal betrayals as in our timeline, making things feel less personal overall.  So he probably still comes back on all the seasons we think of, but on Heroes vs. Villains, is actually on the Heroes tribe.  How weird is that?

Lex winning doesn’t change a ton, as while his gameplay is respected, he is ultimately a “villain” winner in the eyes of the public.  Remembered, but not super well-liked.  Still, he probably comes back for Winners at War in Nick’s spot, with someone like Jenna probably taking over Amber’s spot in this timeline.  Really, the breakout star of the new timeline, though, is Shii-Ann.  All-Stars made her more notable in our timeline, but here, where she plays a solid game and comes close to winning?  She’s a legend now.  Probably brought back several times, most likely on Heroes vs. Villains as a Villain, and possibly in Game Changers as well.  

Really, though, the big question is whether the perception of All-Stars overall changes as a result of the new timeline.  I’d say it does, and does so for the better.  Most of the unpleasantness, from the Richard/Sue incident to the personal betrayals of Boston Rob, are gone now, and some of our big names make it a bit farther.  True, there’s still a Pagonging post-merge, and a lot of big names still go out early, but hey, low bar or not, this new timeline is definitely an improvement overall.  At worst, this timeline is merely boring.  At best, it’s a great tribute to the early days of “Survivor” with no pain whatsoever on rewatch.  

And that about wraps up this two-parter of a “What If?” Scenario.  I hope you all enjoyed exploring it, and I hope there’s more to come.  That said, I’m always soliciting for new ideas for scenarios to look at, so feel free to post them in the comments below, either directly on the blog, or on whatever form of social media you found this on.  Do also bear in mind that there are some rules determining whether or not I’ll accept a scenario for review:

1. One Change Only: This can’t be a whole bunch of things or multiple things going another way to alter the course of a season.  This must be one singular event that alters the season in some way.  Cascade effects, where one change naturally leads to another, are ok, but they have to be natural and logical.  As an example, Shii-Ann not flipping and Chuay Gahn losing the final 10 immunity challenge on “Survivor Thailand” would definitely change things, but those are two independent changes that need to happen, and therefore not appropriate for this blog.  I should also mention that the change has to be an EVENT, not a play style.  Yes, “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” probably goes much differently if Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) isn’t an asshole to everyone, but apart from that never happening, it’s a change in overall play style, not a single moment.  It’s also, as I say, implausible, which leads to my next ground rule…

2. The Change Must Be Realistic: An unlikely change is ok, but it has to be something that COULD have happened, or it’s not worth writing about.  Yes, Fang winning the first immunity challenge on “Survivor Gabon” would drastically change the season.  Would it ever happen?  No.  So there’s no point in writing about it.  

3. The Change Must Have An Impact: By this, I mean the change has to actually alter the season in some significant way.  Simply changing up the boot order is not enough.  Someone new has to win, the perception of the season has to change, or both.  As an example, I originally planned to do a blog on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, with a timeline where Candice didn’t flip at the final 9.  I thought this could lead to a Heroes victory.  Then I remembered that Russell Hantz plays his idol in that same episode, meaning the flip most likely doesn’t matter, and apart from a slight boot order change, the season as a whole remains untouched.  Uninteresting, and therefore not worth talking about.  

In addition to these hard-and-fast rules, there are two what I call “Flexible Rules”.  As the name would imply, these rules can be bent with a compelling arguments, but they are two things that should be borne in mind when suggesting new situations to examine:

4. US Seasons Only: This is nothing against international seasons of “Survivor”.  From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, they can be quite good.  The trouble is, as a citizen on the US, the US version of “Survivor” is the one I’m most familiar with, know the most about, and have seen the most of.  I haven’t even seen a full international season of “Survivor”, just the occasional clip.  Nothing knocking them, of course.  I just haven’t gotten around to viewing them.  So, while I won’t outright ban the suggesting of changes from non-US seasons of “Survivor”, bear in mind that I’m unlikely to pick them due to a lack of knowledge and lack of time to catch up on the seasons.  

5. I Will Not Do Brandon Flipping At The Africa Final 9: A flip by Brandon Quinton at the Final 9 of “Survivor Africa”, voting out Lex instead of Kelly, would indeed fit all the criteria mentioned above.  I’m refusing this particular scenario, not because it isn’t interesting or worth talking about, but because it was already covered by Mario Lanza in his book “When it Was Worth Playing For”.  He covered it so well and so thoroughly that I don’t think I would have anything to add.  I’m willing to consider this scenario if someone can give me a compelling reason that Mario is wrong, or there’s some aspect he didn’t consider, but until that time, this scenario is out.  Other “Survivor Africa” scenarios are ok, though.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

-Matt

“Survivor” What-Ifs?: Pearl Islands

Well, with the off season soon to turn “On” again, the writing bug has bitten once more, and I’d like to get one more of these out before we talk about Season 40… I mean Season 39! Yes, yes, there is still one season to go before the fabled “all-winners”, but for now, I’d like to focus on something a bit earlier in the timeline. As early as we’ve had in these blogs so far. Yes, it’s time for us to go back in time, to the days of “Survivor Pearl Islands”.

Before we start, though, a couple of quick notes. As you probably know by now, this blog will contain SPOILERS for how the season turns out. If for some reason you haven’t seen “Survivor Pearl Islands”, stop reading this blog right now and go watch it. Really. It’s that good. But do return when you’re done. Or, you know, just don’t care about spoilers.

Still with us? Good. Now, normally I’d dive right into the scenario, but I should mention that this scenario is not entirely my idea. While I did modify it for a situation I see as being more realistic, this scenario is technically the brainchild of user XX_TR15T1NHO_XX on Reddit. Thank you for your contribution. It is much appreciated.

THE IMPACT: Unsurprisingly, what we’re changing here is the most controversial part of “Survivor Pearl Islands”: The Outcast Twist. What might be surprising is that what I’m changing is that it still happens. Yes, though I’m sure many wonder what a season without the Outcasts at all would have been like, I don’t see the producers NOT doing this twist. Even if it probably ended up being a bad idea, it was also an obvious idea that needed to be done at some point, at it fit the “pirate” theme about as well as anything, so it definitely stays in. What I think could change is the outcome of the challenge. Don’t misunderstand me. Morgan still loses. With how beat down they were that day, I doubt they could have won a staring contest. Drake, on the other hand? Drake had a decent shot. Bear in mind, the Outcasts had a number of advantages in the challenge, even if it was presented as fair. Their set of cells were used for the challenge demonstration, leaving their ground softer. They had the bright idea to use their ribbons on the arms as rope, which made for better rope than the materials everyone else had. Most important, and I still don’t know how they were allowed this, they got to use all six of their tribe in building the pole, which is no small difference in what ends up being a pole-building race. And yet, despite all of these advantages, Drake was not far behind in that challenge. So, I think it’s within the bounds of reason to say that one small change could lead to Drake being the initial victor, with only Morgan losing a member in favor of the Outcasts.

So Drake pulls out a win somehow. Any little thing could have given them the edge. Maybe production takes away one or more of the Outcast’s advantages. Maybe Drake’s cells get used for the demo. Regardless of how it happens, Drake now wins the challenge, with Morgan coming in second. This, of course, means we have one less Tribal Council, and Shawn Cohen doesn’t get voted out this episode. But pretty much everything else still happens the way it does. Osten still quits, Savage still rants against the Outcasts, and I even think they hold the Outcast Tribal Council until the next episode. We might see some of it this episode, but the cliffhanger of “Who gets to come back?” would be too great for the show to pass up. Since we’re in the next episode, we move on to the next section.

THE FALLOUT: Normally, when changing a season this far back, I’d only use vague generalities for this section. However, “Survivor Pearl Islands” comes in the pre-hidden-immunity-idol days, thus making specific prediction easier. True, individual immunity is still a factor, but a slightly more predictable one, so I’ll try my hand at how the season would generally go down, blow-by-blow.

First off, the Outcasts. With only one person to vote back on, they naturally vote back on Burton. It’s not even a contest. Some people may not have wanted Lill around to “ruin their vacation”, but the overwhelming sentiment of the Outcasts was to have one of their tribe win it all, and it was pretty much universally agreed that Burton was their best option.

So Burton comes back, and here we have the first major change beyond just one person coming back: Burton is now on Morgan pre-merge. Remember, the only reason Burton ended up on Drake in our timeline was because Lill was with him, and pulled a Morgan buff. With only Morgan losing, Burton now has no choice but to go to Morgan. And with that, any delusions about Drake having power come the merge go out the window. On the surface, losing Osten for Burton looks like it gives Drake a 6-4 edge. But don’t forget, the only reason Drake ended up winning out in our timeline was because Burton had to play nice with Drake since he ended up back on that tribe. And Lill had an axe to grind with Savage, and Burton was loyal to Lill, so Drake it was. In this timeline, Burton has neither incentive, so you can bet that he’s declaring himself Morgan Strong. Not only does this give Morgan a solid five, Burton can now spill the inner workings of Drake to them, giving them even more of an edge.

Further working against Drake is that they were a fractious bunch. It’s hard to remember, given how effectively they dominated overall, but the Drakes did not particularly like each other. Shawn and Jonny Fairplay both played nice when they needed to, but really didn’t want the Rupert-Sandra-Christa threesome around. Combine that with a solid Morgan five with no clear cracks, and I’m guessing both of them flip to give Morgan a 7-3 majority.

So, with that settled, Rupert goes home, right? I don’t think so. In this alliance, Savage is still calling the shots, and he and Rupert had a working relationship. Note that even in our timeline, his alliance alone didn’t choose to target Rupert. True, he had immunity, but we don’t see them discussing it even before he has immunity. No, I think Savage sets up a “Take out the weak” mentality, and so Sandra and Christa are the primary targets. Of the two, though it pains me to say it, I think Sandra goes out, depriving us of a season of Sandra. I’m sure many of you are saying “Blasphemy!”, right now, but I think Sandra probably would have been the target. Savage wanted out the “Wimpy little non-leaders” as he said in “Survivor Cambodia”, and remember, he holds a grudge. Remember Sandra taking the Morgan’s tarp after an early reward challenge? Remember how aggravated al the Morgans were with her? I don’t think Savage would have forgotten that, and I think he would have thrown his weight around to ensure that she left, with Fairplay, Shawn, and Burton going along because they have no choice. Sandra’s a great social player, but as we saw on “Survivor Game Changers”, sometimes the numbers are just insurmountable.

So, Morgan’s up 7-2 now. This means that Morgan does that Pagonging we’d expect, right? Well, yes and no. Things are obviously better for Morgan in this timeline, but I don’t think things are as straightforward as one might think. Again, Savage was big on that “keep the strong” thing, but Savage also holds grudges. And apart from Sandra and Jonny Fairplay, who did Savage hate the most? Why, the person who came back from the Outcasts of course! Even in this timeline, he still declares they “Do not deserve to be here”, and with a now comfortable majority (Rupert also holds a grudge, so I doubt he’s willing to work with Fairplay or Shawn ever again), I think he turns on Burton. Since the next immunity was basically just a popularity contest, someone like Ryan O. or Tijuana probably wins. With Burton vulnerable, Savage strikes, and Burton becomes the first member of the jury. Hell, I think Savage probably pulls in Rupert and Christa, both to get on good terms with a potential ally, and to make sure Burton’s boot is unanimous.

The next vote afterward is pretty straightforward. Savage, still bitter about Fairplay’s comments at the last reward steal, votes out Fairplay. Yes, this means no “Dead Grandma” lie. We’ll come back to that in the next section. But it’s the vote afterward where things get really interesting. You see, the most popular theory I’ve seen online for if the Outcasts don’t happen is “Morgan dominates, and Savage wins, because Savage was the leader of the Morgans.” Personally, this never rang true for me. Oh, I’m definitely sure Morgan would dominate, and Savage would definitely do better than in our timeline. But for me, Savage’s view of the game is too simplistic, and his moralizing wouldn’t have rung true with everybody. The other Morgans respected him, sure, but as the game got nearer to the end, I think greed would have overcome the Morgans, especially with vengeful Drakes like Fairplay and Shawn whispering in their ear. And here’s where I think things split. Ryan O. was probably going to stick with Savage. The “shields” strategy works in his favor. But Tijuana and Darrah? At some point, they were going to split. Darrah was most on the outs of the remaining Morgans, as the alternate target to Lill at her boot. Tijuana, while generally loyal, was smart enough not to throw her game away for Savage, and would have felt she had the social bonds to survive. Shawn is still probably the next to go, but I think here Tijuana and Darrah approach Rupert and Christa about developing a foursome to take out Savage, which I think they go for. Rupert probably gets a confessional about being conflicted about voting out his “buddy”, but given that he still believes in (loyal) Drakes, with some prompting from Christa, he probably goes for it. Thus, Savage goes out at the final six. A better showing than before, but still not a win.

From there, I think Tijuana and Darrah slip back with Ryan O. for the remainder of the season. Now the precedent for voting out the physical powerhouses has been set, and Rupert is now the biggest fish in that pond. There’s no way he wins that final five immunity challenge, since it favored the skinny, so he’s out. Tempting though it would be for Ryan O. to leave here, I think there was still enough “Morgan Loyalty” (or at least fear of reprisal from the jury) to get Christa out. Ryan O. can’t make it past the Final Three, though. Darrah was a challenge beast by this point, and that Final Immunity Challenge did not favor strength, so I’d say Darrah wins, and votes out Ryan O.

Thus, we have a final two of Tijuana and Darrah, with a jury of Burton, Fairplay, Shawn, Savage, Rupert, Christa, and Ryan O. Quite a difference from our own timeline. It’s tough to say who wins in this scenario. I think Tijuana has the better social game of the two, but also burned Savage and Ryan O. harder due to being closer to them. Since they’re only two votes on the jury, though, I’m inclined to end off this section by declaring Tijuana the winner in this timeline.

THE LEGACY: It feels wrong to say, but while by no means a “bad” season, this version of “Survivor Pearl Islands” does not gain the legendary status of the one in our timeline. True, it does have some things going for it that our timeline doesn’t. Savage probably takes Rupert’s place as the “beloved, burned leader” archetype. The zeitgeist that is Rupert is probably even bigger than in our timeline, as while he no longer has an arch-nemesis in Fairplay, he lasts longer and has the arc of bringing back a losing tribe from the brink post-merge. Tijuana is probably a MUCH bigger deal, and gets lauded as having one of the best social games the how had seen up to that point. But the trouble is that the post-merge loses a lot of its momentum in this timeline. True, the Savage Vote is probably the equivalent of the Rupert Vote in our timeline, but the Savage Vote comes two episodes further down the season than the Rupert Vote in our timeline, so you’ve got a lot of season to slog through before things get exciting. There’s some intrigue with “How long can Rupert hang on?”, but it just doesn’t have the excitement that the post-merge in our timeline had. Then there are the moments that just don’t have any equivalent in this timeline. The family visit passes without incident, denying us the “Dead Grandma” lie. With no Rupert vote, there’s no sabotaging the fish. And, perhaps worst of all, we get no “I sear on my two kids I’m gonna screw you and Burton.” The post-merge is intriguing, strategically, and I think this season becomes beloved among hard-core game fans. But, for the everyday viewer, it’s just not as exciting.

So, how does this change our returnee prospects? Well, despite having less of an impact overall, I think “Survivor Pearl Islands” actually initially gets more returnees than in our timeline. Rupert still gets asked back for “Survivor All-Stars”, but I think Tijuana ends up taking Alicia Calaway’s spot. After all, Alicia was seen as kind of a “huh?” choice at the time, and if you’ve got a relatively popular black female winner knocking on your doorstep, you take her on. I do think that Tijuana fades into the background, as while she’s well-liked at the time, she just isn’t as memorable as Sandra is in ours. I’m tempted to bring Savage back for “Survivor All-Stars” as well, but I just don’t see who he can replace. He most closely fits Colby’s archetype, but there’s no way Colby of all people doesn’t come back for “Survivor All-Stars”. “Survivor Micronesia” probably stays the same as well. True, Fairplay doesn’t have the “Dead Grandma” lie to give him infamy, but if they brought back Boston Rob for the potential shown pre-merge, I think they do the same for Fairplay. But, of course, Savage is our big hero of the season, so you know he’s coming back at some point. “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” is his time. Savage, in this timeline, as seen as the robbed, heroic leader of the Morgans, so on a season with a tribe called “Heroes”, there’s no way he doesn’t return. He probably takes Rupert’s spot, but if Rupert stays in the public consciousness enough, I could see Savage overruling Tom Westman as well. Assuming Fairplay still quits “Survivor Micronesia”, we probably don’t have a representative for the “Villains” side, so Natalie Bolton probably comes in in place of Sandra. Even as someone who really likes Sandra, it would be nice to see Natalie Bolton back.

Speaking of Sandra, does she go quietly into that good night of “Survivor” obscurity? If you’re asking that question, clearly you don’t know Sandra. Even if she lost out on a lot of her iconic moments by missing the jury, Sandra had enough arguments pre-merge that I think she gets the nod for “Survivor Cambodia”. Whether she passes the vote I’m not sure, but I think she’s on the ballot, and I could see people like Ryan O. and Darrah being up there as well. I don’t see anyone here getting the nod for “Survivor Caramoan”, since they were just too far in the past at this point. For what it’s worth, Rupert probably still comes back for “Survivor Blood vs. Water”, since that reason didn’t care as much about how iconic you were on your season “Survivor Game Changers” will be our last major discussion for returnees (I don’t think anyone here qualifies for “Edge of Extinction” territory, nor would I wish anyone on that season), as I think Savage, being even more of a zeitgeist than before, probably comes back one more time. If Sandra or someone else does well on “Survivor Cambodia”, they probably come back as well. Let’s say Savage takes JT’s spot, and Sandra keeps the spot she has in our timeline.

Oy, my head hurts from all the different threads to follow in this timeline, but I hope you enjoyed it. “Survivor Pearl Islands” is still a great season, and even in this timeline, I doubt it’s vilified, but rather just seen as kind of ok. You’d have to work hard to make this season bad, but evidently, it’s easy to make it less memorable.

This will probably be the last of these blogs pre-season 39, but even so, more will come at some point in the future, as I’ve discovered a love for this format. As such, the suggestions for future scenarios remains open! A quick reminder of the rules below:

1. One Change Only: This can’t be a whole bunch of things or multiple things going another way to alter the course of a season. This must be one singular event that alters the season in some way. Cascade effects, where one change naturally leads to another, are ok, but they have to be natural and logical. As an example, Shii-Ann not flipping and Chuay Gahn losing the final 10 immunity challenge on “Survivor Thailand” would definitely change things, but those are two independent changes that need to happen, and therefore not for this blog. I should also mention that the change has to be an EVENT, not a play style. Yes, “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” probably goes much differently if Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) isn’t an asshole to everyone, but apart from that never happening, it’s a change in overall play style, not a single moment. It’s also, as I say, implausible, which leads to my next ground rule…

2. The Change Must Be Realistic: An unlikely change is ok, but it has to be something that COULD have happened, or it’s not worth writing about. Yes, Fang winning the first challenge on “Survivor Gabon” would drastically change the season. Would it ever happen? No. So there’s no point in talking about it.
3. The Change Must Have An Impact: By this, I mean the change has to actually alter the season in some significant way. Simply changing up the boot order is not enough. Someone new has to win, the perception of the season has to change, or both. As an example, I originally planned to do a blog on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, with a timeline where Candice didn’t flip at the final 9. I thought this could lead to a Heroes Victory. Then I remembered that Russell Hantz plays his idol for himself in that same episode, meaning the flip doesn’t matter, and apart from a slight boot order change, the season as a whole remains untouched. Uninteresting, and therefore not worth talking about.

And there you have it. Hope, once again, that you’ve enjoyed my ramblings, and see you in my next blog, whatever it may be!

-Matt

Idol Speculation: “Survivor HvHvH” Episode 3: The Race Card

Race and “Survivor” have always had a trick relationship. From the recent trend of Asian-American women leaving early, to the controversial “Survivor Cook Islands”, the show just can’t help but tread the murky waters of race relations. So, when a prominent part of the marketing for this episode revolved around Lauren’s “redheads” comments, I was concerned. Thankfully, things are kept to a minimum, though I do have to note that this is a new prejudice for “Survivor”. Perhaps it’s just the lack of redheads, but we’ve really never seen prejudice against this group on the show.

We start off our episode proper on the Hustlers Tribe, who show just how much reverence they have for Simone by holding a fashion show with the clothes she left behind. Patricks shows off her pants, while Ryan models her boots. In fairness, what we’re seeing here is really a fairly common practice on “Survivor”. It’s most noticeable on All-Star type seasons, where people have distinctive clothing to leave behind. In one bit of hilarity on the original “Survivor All-Stars”, one can see Big Tom (somehow) wear Alicia Calaway’s clothes to a subsequent Tribal Council. I think what gets to me here is just HOW MUCH of a joke is made about it. Maybe it’s Ryan’s “Simone is finally contributing.” comment, but it just feels mean-spirited. I normally like Ryan’s humor, since most of it’s self-depreciating, but this joke seems a bridge too far.

Thankfully, we get to more pleasant things on this tribe. Ali and Lauren head down to bathe, and thus Lauren takes this time to inform us that she’s on the bottom. This surprises me a little bit, since she had a pretty good showing last time, and she and Ali seemed to be close. After last episode I figured she had supplanted Patrick in Ali’s mind. Evidently, though, Lauren is on the bottom, and from a meta-perspective, it kind of makes sense. This is a very young tribe, and Lauren, as she puts it, is like the teacher. Now, teachers can have a great impact on you, but rarely are they going to be invited to the party. What Lauren needs is an invite, and to her credit, she does a great job subtly ingratiating herself. Given Patrick’s gaffe at the last Tribal Council, she gets Devon ragging on Patrick when he walks by, and then just feeds into that. Little effort, but it makes Lauren seem as one in thought, if not in age. Of course, Patrick is not going to take being called an idiot lying down, and proceeds to show Lauren up by… insisting that a rock is an octopus. Way to go, Patrick.

In fairness to Patrick, I should say this stinks of manipulative editing to me. Mistaking a rock for an octopus once I could see, but his insistence makes me think that it really WAS an octopus (since they can mimic other objects) in a disguise the others couldn’t see yet.

Moving on to the Heroes, we see that Chrissy and Ben are in control, trying to decide which person to get in as a threesome. Gee, haven’t seen THAT plotline before this season! In one surprise, Ashley seems to have better ingratiated herself, despite being the alternate target in episode one. Both talk about what a hard worker she is, which leaves the choice down to JP and Alan. Alan is close with Ben, but is a loose cannon. JP is a hard worker, but might be a power couple with Ashley. Plus, JP gets a lot of fish, while Alan struggles to open a coconut, a fact that Ashley will be bringing up a lot. You see, despite seeing little evidence of it so far, evidently Ashley DOES want a showmance with JP. Even since Alan’s comments she’s been trying to distance herself so as to avoid stigma, but can’t help trashing Alan and talking up JP when on a water run with Ben. Sadly, in this case, words DO have a big impact, and Ben leaves with some suspicion of the probable power couple.

Over on the Healers, we get Joe on the warpath against Mike again, while showing some suspicion of the Cole/Jessica love connection. Gee, haven’t seen THAT from this season before! Really, this is the low point of the episode. We’ll get some good scenes later, but for now, the plotlines are starting to tread the same ground, and here it REALLY drags. The flirting between Cole and Jessica, culminating in Jessica finding out about Joe’s idol, is fairly nice, but nothing beyond the standard generic attractive couple flirting. Moving on…

Up next is a short scene with the Hustlers, wherein Patrick goes looking for the idol, and Ryan comments on how blatant it is that he’s doing it. Add another nail in that coffin, Patrick. To be fair, we see Ali pull him aside, as she still wants to work with him, and tries to caution him against blatant idol hunting, and to work on his social game. Whether this happens or not, we never see, but given Patrick’s general willingness to change, I’m going with “not”.

We FINALLY get strategic movement on the Healers. The more Cole thinks about it, the more Joe and his idol seem like a threat. Since Joe is dead locked on Mike for first boot, Cole thinks this is a prime time to blindside Joe. To this end, he talks to Desi and Roark about the possibility. Both seem willing, particularly after an earlier scene in which Joe did not come off looking too good. The man did not like the way the food was cooked. Fair enough, that’s not a game-breaker. After all, Tina Wesson needed her rice specially prepared on “Survivor The Australian Outback”, and managed to win. But there’s two problems here. Number One: Joe is a harsh critic. He doesn’t even try to mince words, and instead complains about the cooks, leading Roark to tell him to cook himself the next time. I admire her patience. After a week in the elements with little food, I’m not sure I could have been that polite to him after that. Number Two: Joe throws the food away, rather than offer it to the others who did like it. That’s just a bad idea. You DO NOT throw away food in front of starving people. That’s just asking to be voted off. Which is what Cole is now asking them to do. Frankly, it’s a move that makes sense. From what we’ve seen of Joe, he’s a wild card who won’t be led anywhere, which makes him a difficult alliance member to have at best. Add the threat of an idol, and you’ve got someone holding pretty much all the cards in a relationship. Better to get them off sooner than later. Joe has options. Where’s Mike going to go? My only complaint, and it’s one that Jessica also voices, is that Cole just spills the beans pretty much as soon as he gets the idea. Not that he shouldn’t tell them at all, but wait a little bit in case new information comes up. Plus, with more time to mull over the plan, this now increases the chances of someone like Joe finding out about the plan. Definitely better to wait.

Sadly, our two big streaks for the season are broken here. The challenge, while not horrible, is not exactly awesome. A bog-standard obstacle course finishing in the stack-the-blocks puzzle originally from “Survivor Samoa”. Uninspiring elements all around, and just not very exciting. Also broken? The streak of mystery as to who will lose. Oh, don’t misunderstand me, we’ve had a LOT of strategizing from all sides. Indeed, I’d say this episode is basically the exemplar for how to make the strategy on all tribes interesting. No, we come back to the mistakes of old, as a scene from the trailer, specifically Lauren talking to Patrick in the water and starting the aforementioned “redhead” comments has yet to be shown, thus guaranteeing that the Hustlers will lose. Come on, CBS! These are “Survivor One World” level mistakes!

Sure enough, the Hustlers lose, thanks to pigheadedness on the part of Patrick. Part of the challenge involves knocking the blocks off a high perch, but Patrick refuses to let softball-player Lauren sub in for him, even when his shots are only getting halfway to the platform. To be fair to Patrick when they first started calling for his switch he wasn’t doing any worse than the other people throwing, but by the end, he really needed to give someone else a chance. As a credit to the challenge, though, we did get one fun moment. It at first seems like the Healers will come in first, as per usual, but Probst tells then they’re wrong. It seems odd on a non-puzzle challenge, but the Healers quickly figure out they’re missing a block. This gives the Heroes time to come in first, netting them additional chickens as a reward, but the Healers still get second, which is immunity and a dozen eggs.

After all the mess-ups Patrick’s given them over the past few days, Lauren would seem pretty safe, but Lauren makes the fatal mistake of being the first one to leave the shelter. This gets her targeted, though Patrick decides to misdirect her. Going down to talk in the water (again, this is the “redhead” sequence), Patrick tells her she’s not the only target. Lauren asks him who the other target is. All Patrick has to do is say “Ali”. There seems to be a “guy-power” thing on this tribe, so it’s believable, and Ali could be targeted as a threat. Patrick, in his usual move, grins like an idiot, which Lauren correctly interprets as him targeting her. Thus, Lauren kicks the “Boot Patrick” movement into overdrive, such that Ali is convinced, and we’re once again left with Devon and Ryan to make the decision. Ryan keeps going back and forth. His initial instinct is to go with booting Lauren, since this makes the Hustlers seem a unified whole come the potential merge. On the other hand, he respects the fact that Patrick is unpredictable, and therefore a liability. He acts like these are equal points, but it’s no contest. Patrick passed the “Shamar Threshold” last episode, becoming more of a liability in how loose he is than in benefit for being easy to beat in the end. Plus, as Ryan will point out later, this group is most likely down in numbers come the merge anyway. If anything, being less unified makes people MORE likely to work with you. It’s good enough to be probably the most effective misdirection so far this season, though.

Tribal Council tonight starts with a bang, and ends with a whimper. There’s great banter right off the bat with Lauren starting in on the Patrick hate-train, only for Patrick to pick it up, and Lauren to point out how his interrupting is itself annoying. Ryan then makes a crack about his love life. Again, when he’s self-depreciating, it works. Sadly, it’s all downhill from here. We devolve into generic strategy talk, save for one moment that ruins the misdirection. Ryan talks about thinking of the merge, which given his talk earlier, means that Lauren is a goner. So much for the mystery. At least we can take comfort in the fact that the music for this Tribal Council is awesome.

Surprisingly, though, this tribe does the smart thing and oust Patrick. Overall, I can’t say I’m too sorry. It was the right move, and while Patrick was entertaining, I feel like his schtick would get old really fast. Better to have him leave now, while it was still entertaining. I do feel back for how hard the guy seemed to take it, but given his actions, he was the best choice.

This episode definitely showed some of the spots of this season, what with the repeated scenes and lackluster back half of Tribal Council, but it also showed the strength of this season. For all my kvetching, this was a great episode, easily on par with the others, and probably the most distinctive boot so far. I’m almost sad that we’re getting a swap next episode, since it might mess up the good mojo here.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Caramoan” Episode 5: Jekyll and Hantz

It’s quite serendipitous that I’m taking “Abnormal Psychology” this semester, as you’d have a hard time finding a better subject for analysis than Brandon.  Is he really insane and unstable, or is he just misunderstood?  Either way, there’s a lot for me to write about, so let’s waste no time.

First, though, we have to make our way through the Swamps of Sadness, I mean the Fans tribe.  However, we seem to have hit a dry spot, the Cay of Contentment.  The tribe seems quite happy and much more confident, now that Laura is gone.  Matt in particular is quite vocal about how much better the tribe as a whole will do.  Actually, I should say that ALMOST everybody is happy about this fact.  Sherri, it seems, is rather regretful of the vote, and just prays that the alliance stays strong, which, based upon Matt and Michael’s private interviews on the matter, seems like a justified hope.  In all fairness, Eddie and Reynold, unlike many jocks before them, do NOT misconstrue the past vote as a new alliance, and realize that they need a new plan, specifically find the idol.  Now, this is a very chancy plan, with lots of potential for failure, but if it succeeds, well, things get very interesting.

Over on the Favorites side of things, we see that there weren’t enough parallels to “Survivor Micronesia”, as Brandon pulls a “Jonny Fairplay” (“Survivor Pearl Islands”), and asks to be voted out, out of devotion to his wife and kids.  For me, this translates out to “Brandon is tired of being on the bottom.”, but whatever, we know it won’t happen.  We haven’t had the promised blow-up yet.  Brandon also commits social suicide by admitting to the rest of the tribe his plan of sabotaging the camp, had he not decided to quit.  Corrine of all people is shocked by this, saying it makes him volatile and the obvious next choice to leave.  What Corinne MEANS is that she wishes she’d thought of it herself on “Survivor Gabon”, when she was down in numbers past the merge.  I know that’s a bit harsh, but to be fair, it seems like the sort of thing Corinne would do.

However, dawn (the time of day, not the person) lets the potion get out of Brandon’s system, and he’s decided that the honorable thing to do is to stay in for his kids.  Gee, like we couldn’t have guessed that from the editing.

And now it’s time for the reward challenge.  If you think the lack of capitals in that sentence meant something, you’re right.  Give yourself a cookie.  It means that, while I’m happy that there’s reward challenges abundant on this season, I’M SICK AND TIRED OF UNORIGINAL CHALLENGES THAT WERE DONE IN THE FIRST “FANS VS. FAVORITES”!  REALLY, KIRHOFFER, YOU CAN’T COME UP WITH ANY NEW CHALLENGES FOR THIS SEASON?  Ok, ok, I know we got an original challenge on the episode I missed, but this is the THIRD challenge in a row that was used in the first “Fans vs. Favorites”.  They need to do something soon.

In fairness, though, if they had to redo a challenge from “Survivor Micronesia”, this was probably a good choice.  While it is a pure strength competition, it’s quite an interesting one to watch.  Two tribe members from each tribe hold up a colored net apiece, while the remaining members of the tribe (sans Erik, Dawn, and Andrea for the Favorites) toss coconuts into said nets, making said nets heavier to get them to drop.  Last tribe with a net still up wins.  This is an interesting looking challenge that can lead to a lot of good commentary, and it is somewhat fun to watch.  I’ll say that I prefer the first iteration over this one, but that has mainly to do with the original having the heckling of Jonathan Penner (“Survivor Cook Islands”).  Also, I should mention that this challenge was also repeated on “Survivor Samoa”, as one of the myriad of Immunity Challenges that Galu won, but frankly, it brought nothing new to the challenge (save the splitting of the nets), and “Survivor Samoa” is one of the few seasons of “Survivor” that I try to forget exists, so I’ll stop talking about it.

Phillip, to his credit (never thought I’d say those words in the same sentence) DOES try to keep up the Penner legacy of heckling the throwers, but fails for two reasons: first, his comments aren’t clever and varied like Penner’s were (mostly just shouting random grunts), and second, people actually LIKED Penner, whereas nobody, as far as I know, likes Phillip, at least from a viewer’s perspective.  We do get a few interesting points, however.  Brandon, of all people, comes up with a clever strategy.  Serving as the Favorites’ other holder (Michael and Matt are the holders for the Fans), whenever he sees a low toss, he jerks the net up to avoid having it dunked.  A bit physically demanding, but a good strategy.  I also enjoyed the editing gaffe of having Probst say “Phillip getting exhausted” while blatantly showing a picture of Michael.  No way I would ever mistake the two.  Michael is some I like and can actually root for.

It doesn’t matter, though, as Phillip wins reward, being the traditional “Survivor” barbeque, for the Favorites, sending the Fans back demoralized.  Even without Laura, their strongest guys are no match for the Favorites’ strongest guys.

Somber music over landscape shots tells us we’re heading over to the Fans’ camp first, where everyone, naturally is a bit down.  It’s not enough to damped idol-finding spirits, though, as it seems like everyone heads off in search of the idol.  All except Eddie.  I saw a shot of everyone searching, except Eddie for some reason.  You’d think, being that he’s still on the bottom of the tribe, that he’d be one of the ones searching the hardest, but nope, puts it all on Reynold.

Should I ever go to Vegas, I’m betting on Reynold every time.  Despite the ENTIRE ALLIANCE searching for him, Reynold still gets to the idol first.  He’s a little excited about it.  He also swears not to tell anybody, save Eddie as the two are partnered up.

Now, some of my more frequent readers would notice that I have a thing against telling people you have the idol, and probably expect me to praise Reynold for this good sense. Well, normally, you’d be right, but the more I thought about it, in this specific situation, telling people might actually be a good thing.  The alliance is probably still a bit tenuous at this point, and the idol could make a good bargaining chip, in my opinion.  Oh well, I hope Reynold comes up with a more useful time to play it this time.

On that subject, since I didn’t address it last time, let me say that, while in retrospect it was bad for Reynold to play the idol, I admit, I thought he was gone, so I’d have done the same thing in his stead.  In any case, he got it back, so no harm done.

There SHOULD be jovial music at the Favorites’ camp, but everything seems downbeat, mostly because Brandon is put out by Phillip.  Now, Phillip is going on about how HE won the challenge (not helped by Probst calling Phillip “the hero of the Favorites”.  Gee Probst, no favoritism there!), and Brandon feels put out because the whole tribe contributed to the challenge.  However, I think Brandon has no leg to stand on here.  While team challenges are very rarely carried by one person (see “Survivor Cook Islands” with Challenge Jesus for examples of challenges that are), it can’t be denied that Phillip really swung the challenge for you guys.  Everyone helped, but Phillip, and it pains me to write this, was really the major contributing factor to the win.  Brandon, of course, doesn’t go off about this, but goes off about something unrelated.  Specifically, Phillip makes a comment to Brenda (or “Serenity” as I have since learned that her nickname is) that he doesn’t want the tarp moved, as he’d rather save his energy for the challenges.  From the way Brenda brought it up, I assume that Phillip was the one who suggested moving the tarp in the first place, which makes him even more of a hypocrite, but Brandon goes off because it sounds to him like Phillip is giving an order, which is not the sense I got.  Then again, I don’t have to LIVE with Phillip.  Thank God, I don’t have to live with Phillip.

You’d think we’d continue the drama, but nope, over to the Fans’ camp, where everyone is a sack of sad, as they say.  Even Matt can’t stand to do work anymore, leaving everything to Michael, Reynold, and Eddie.  Instead, Matt just complains about his sore feet (though to be fair, they look pretty bad), and wishes for a gift.

I don’t know if you’d every qualify a Hantz as a gift, but the actions of one certainly are, in this case.

I also have to give the editing team credit, they’re finally learning NOT to spoil the “Next Time On…” clips in the first 10 minutes of the episode.  Over halfway through, and we still haven’t gotten the promised breakdown.

It’s about to come, though, as Brandon starts out starting the fire, and complaining that he wants to go out on his terms.  “He feeds himself!”, as he repeatedly tells us.  Brandon, I hate to break it to you, but no, no you’re not.  In this game, the ability to determine your own fate is based on your social prowess, and your being in a majority alliance, neither of which you have.  While I may like Brandon better than Russell (“Survivor Samoa”) I have to say, both are equally socially maladapted.

Brandon tries to apologize to Phillip, and Phillip pretends to apologize back, but even with the combined stupidity, both correctly read between the lines that neither is telling the truth.  Things get worse when tree mail comes, and Phillip, the man who gave the Zapatera tribe (“Survivor Redemption Island”) such HELL for throwing a challenge, is now himself considering throwing a challenge.  I mean, the Zapaterans had more of a reason to throw their challenge, at least their Hantz was outright evil!  This one’s just a little unwell.

Andrea is not fully on board with this plan, and so is very bad at lying to Brandon when he asks if that’s what was being considered.  Brandon then goes to confront Phillip, who really makes no pretense about the fact that the tribe is indeed planning on throwing the challenge.  Brandon complains that there’s no reason to vote him out, and while I certainly don’t think his behavior has QUITE reached the liability point (but it will, in just a second), I have to side with Phillip again.  Sorry Brandon, it isn’t fair, but in this game, being outside the alliance is a good-enough reason to eliminate you.

Of course, Brandon being Brandon, things can’t just stand here, and so Brandon decides to “give everyone a reason to vote him out”, and it’s time.  As promised, Brandon throws out the rice, throws out the beans, and tries to break a chair, all while yelling obscenities at Phillip (as a side note, the son of the dorm caretaker lives around here, and wanders around the dorm at will.  He watched a part of the episode, but I was glad he was gone for this).  I should really be appalled: this is the antithesis of good gameplay, and it leaves Brandon with absolutely ZERO argument as to why he should stay, but it’s just so mesmerizing, I can’t help but enjoy it.

Another good thing Brandon does (more words I never thought would be in a sentence together) is get us out of today’s immunity challenge, which was yet ANOTHER repeat, though at least this one hails from “Survivor Tocantins”.  It’s the classic “Roll the Boxes down a field, and use them to form a puzzle staircase” challenge, which while enjoyable, has become overdone of late. Thankfully, Probst decides to use THIS challenge to psychoanalyze the tribes, and Brandon, once again, spills the beans, though figuratively this time.  He tells the Fans how they’re underdogs, and he’s one them a favor by dumping the Favorites’ food supplies.  At this point, Probst wisely calls Brandon over to his side, which I think is a good decision, as I don’t doubt that Brandon would have punched somebody, probably Phillip, and even I wouldn’t wish that on Phillip.

Brandon, once again, goes on his tirade against Phillip, but this time it makes a little more sense.  While Brandon is still delusional in some respects, working in his “I Feed Me!” shtick, he does at least make a few good points that I and several “Survivor” Fans have been waiting to hear: Phillip is egotistical, delusional, hypocritical, and talks about himself far too much.  All valid points, not that they’ll help Brandon stay in.  Brandon also gets in the jab about Boston Rob (“Survivor Marquesas”) carrying Phillip to end, which is stating the obvious, but is good to hear anyway.

Phillip tries to remain calm, but still can’t resist yelling at Brandon about betraying the alliance by voting for Andrea, which, Phillip, is perfectly within his rights to do.  You’ve lied to Brandon, don’t get all high and mighty because Brandon lied to you as well.

Surprisingly, the most emotional seems to be Andrea, who claims she’s bonded with Brandon over the past 13 days.  All I can say is “When?”  We never had any scenes of them bonding, get a grip, Andrea.  They brought you back because you were supposed to be better strategically than we saw, start proving it!

Giving Brandon a back massage (given how much Probst loves the Hantz family on the show, I’m a bit surprised it didn’t come with a “happy ending”), Probst decides to hold Tribal Council then and there, with the Fans taking immunity (incidentally, I did enjoy Reynold asking for the victory hand-raise anyway, and was very annoyed that Probst did not follow up on the request), and the Favorites verbally voting somebody out, only the second time this has happened (the first being the final episode of “Survivor Palau”).  Not surprisingly, Brandon goes home, and while he did annoy me, I will say that he brought good (if painful) drama to the show, and went out probably the best way you can when there’s literally nothing you can do to save yourself: take every else down with you.  After that incident with the food, I don’t think there’s a better way for Brandon to go out, other than cause as much chaos as possible.

Now then, for the big question: based on my years as a Psychology major, is Brandon actually abnormal.  Well, I’m only an amateur still, and haven’t had long, in-depth talks with Brandon, but from what I can see, no, no he isn’t.

Hear me out on this: Brandon does have issues.  He seems emotionally very unstable, and being out on the island only exacerbates this.  But that’s just it, he’s out on the island.  The situation, in my opinion, is a lot of what’s causing this behavior.  Granted, Brandon probably should seek therapy, as he has emotional issues, and given the effect of the environment probably shouldn’t have been asked back, but does he have an actual disorder?  I think not.

But we can’t leave it there, it’s time for another

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

I don’t see how this can be about anything but “Survivor” tantrums.  Given the environment of the game, they’re fairly commonplace, so it was inevitable that I talk about them at some point.  The only bit of housekeeping for this is that the Top 5 will be tantrums that are fascinating to watch, and the Bottom 5 tantrums that are painful to watch.

TOP 5:

5. Randy Bailey’s Cookies (“Survivor Gabon”): Some might argue that Randy’s hissy fit over the distribution of the cookies he got at the Reward auction of his first season was more painful (hell, some would argue that watching anything to do with Randy is painful), and because of this, I put it low on the list when, let’s be fair, it was fairly interesting.  What I like is trying to figure out where exactly all the cookies went.  The fact that I wasn’t the biggest fan of Sugar also made this a fun one for me.

4. Alicia Calaway’s Fucking Chickens (“Survivor The Australian Outback”): Ah yes, the original “Survivor” tantrum (you could argue that Sue Hawk’s “Rats and Snakes” speech was the first, but to my mind, that wasn’t really a “tantrum”.  Plus, Sue will be on this list later anyway.).  This one gave us a lot: the finger wave, the inconsistent logic, it was just a lot of fun.  It helps that Kimmi and Alicia don’t hold a grudge against each other anymore, so now we can say it was just a fairly funny argument.

3. Rupert Boneham’s Vote (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): While it is fair to say that someone voting against you is no reason to threaten them, as I’ve said emotions are high out on the island, and people who wear their emotions on their sleeves have a harder time.  Case in point, Rupert got exceedingly angry at Jonny Fairplay in episode 7, yelling at him, swearing at him, even almost chocking him at a few points.  Now, there’ll be a lot of situations on the “Bottom 5” list where this sort of thing happens, what makes this one different?  The answer is simple: I don’t like Jonny Fairplay, and seeing him yelled at is fine by me.  He’s similar to Phillip in that way.

2. Jane Bright’s Fire (“Survivor Nicaragua”): Sort of similar to Brandon’s tantrum this episode, but with less serious repercussions.  Another one annoyed about votes cast against them (or in this case votes GOING to be cast against them), Jane decided to go out with a band, saying that as she started the fire, she would finish it.  Like Brandon’s breakdown, it’s fun to watch people who know they’re going decide to go all kamikaze on the tribe, and for all that Jane takes a lot of flak as a player, this, for me, was one enjoyable moment, as well as one of the reasons “Survivor Nicaragua” is NOT the worst season of all time, despite what the fan community seems to think.

1. Brandon Hantz’s Feeding of Himself (“Survivor Caramoan”): Brandon is the only one to ever go so far as to completely cripple his tribe. Putting out the fire is one thing; it can be rekindled, and Jane’s incident was late in the game.  Brandon’s actions put his tribe at a severe disadvantage, and his motivations are fascinating.  The best I can say is that it’s like a car wreck, you can’t look away.

Honorable Mention: Rory Freeman’s “Slash, Burn, and Salt the Earth Policy” (“Survivor Vanuatu”): Think Brandon with more social grace.  Rory was totally planning to do what Brandon did, and was stopped only by a lucky reward challenge.  I can’t put it on the list proper because it never actually happened, but if Brandon is any indicator, the results would have been fascination.  Also, Rory deserves mention as being both one of the most and one of the least socially aware castaways ever.  The man was mean to his tribe, belittling, condescending, he yelled at them, and yet he outlasted more socially aware castmates!  The man had to be doing SOMETHING right.

 

BOTTOM 5:

5. Robb Zbacnik’s “Backwards Hick” Rant (“Survivor Thailand”): Given after losing a reward challenge, this one ends up on the bottom 5 only because it seemed kind of mean spirited of Robb, indicative of his youth and wildness.  To be fair though, it came off of a fairly enjoyable challenge, and it was Clay he was yelling at, so it was kind of an acceptable target.  Still, mean spirited, bottom 5.

4. Jim Rice’s New Opinion of Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”): I accept that Jim may have been justified in his feeling, and this is one of the most personal calls I’ve made on this list, but I still think Jim was particularly harsh to Cochran, given how the tribe had treated Cochran previously.  I’ve ranted on this subject enough, so I’ll say no more here.

3. Colton Cumbie’s Existance (“Survivor One World”): A bit of a blanket statement, but apt in my opinion.  Colton’s whining about not being accepted into the tribe got old fast, especially considering it seemed like he made no effort to improve his situation.  Even when, by a large spate of luck, Colton made it on top, he STILL didn’t stop complaining. This is a major contributor as to why few fans like Colton, and why he’s on the list.

2. Abi-Maria Gomes’ Need to be Popular (“Survivor Philippines”): While Colton’s complaints of being disliked  were painful, I at least give him credit that he had SOME basis for it initially.  Abi-Maria’s paranoia, on the other hand, was just plain paranoia, unjustified and unpleasant.

1. Sue Hawk’s Hatch Issues (“Survivor All-Stars”): I’m not touching this one.  This was just too sensitive of a subject to be entertaining and it’s still one of the hardest parts of “Survivor All-Stars” for me.

Honorable Mention: Terry Deitz’s Torch Etiquette (“Survivor Exile Island”): While he’s mainly remembered as a Challenge Dominator, social ostracism took its toll on Terry, culminating at him getting angry at Cirie for dropping his torch right in front of him, when she forgot he was there.  Really, this was a projection of Terry’s frustration at not being able to break the Casaya alliance, and since I rooted for Terry, I found it an unpleasant tarnish on an otherwise good character. It gets honorable mention only because it didn’t make that big of an impact on the game, and resolved itself fairly quickly.

Next week should be a tribe swap.  About time, the Fans need it bad!  I suppose this means I have to learn the actual tribe names now, though…

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Philippines” Episode 9: Paddle-Balls to the Wall

“Survivor” Medic!

Seriously, I’m having fainting spells, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll last!  I know I’m about to spoil the climax of the episode, but damn if I can’t blog without getting it off of my chest.  I’ve praised the misdirection this season by and large, but tonight I thought I had it figured out.  I was sure, despite my own personal biases, that Penner was gone, dead in the water, Skupin was his best chance, and Skupin wasn’t moving without Lisa.  We get to Tribal Council, the 4^th vote for Penner comes up, and I’m dead certain he’s gone.  There’s no way Skupin and Lisa would move independently, so the only way it swings in Penner’s favor is a 6-3 vote for Artis.  Then the last name comes up, I prepare my “Support Denise” banners, and all of a sudden, Artis comes up!  You can’t see me now, but I have a huge grin in my face.  If only to keep it longer, let us savor the sweet journey that was, in my opinion, the best episode of this season.

We start off with a lot of celebrating/complaining about Jeff Kent’s (damn, I thought I wouldn’t have to write that name again) departure.  Of particular interest is why Penner voted for Abi-Maria instead of forcing a tie.  Fan theory was that Penner had a diabolical scheme up his sleeve, which required splintering an alliance.  My theory was that he had a grudge against Jeff Kent (will he never leave this blog?), and couldn’t stand keeping him in.  The big reveal is that Penner was simply confused, and didn’t know there was a plan (despite his grandstanding at the previous Tribal Council).  Wow, loss of points on the brilliance-ometer there Penner.  Don’t worry, you’ll more than earn them back later in the episode.

Also of interest is Lisa, who took a moral bashing last episode, and previews show that she’ll continue to get one this episode.  She tries to explain herself to everyone, and Tandang seems receptive (though Abi-Maria continues to dig her own grave), but still, Lisa questions her decision.

Following commercial, Christmas comes early as Penner’s foreshadowed work on Lisa begins.  Seeming to have gotten over his case of pissed-off-itis from the night before, Penner admits that he still needs a plan in order to move forward.  His plan is to continue his work on Lisa, but hard core now.  He does this, not by strategizing, but by appealing to her emotions.  Now, some of my more frequent readers know that I normally despise this form of manipulation, feeling that it is overall weaker and less effective (not to mention somewhat less scummy) than outright strategizing.  Penner’s use of it I’m ok with for 2 reasons.  The first is that he ADMITS that it’s a strategy, as it’s the best way to get to Lisa, whereas others who use this I believe go with it on the basis that it feels less scummy than the other method.  The second is that, unlike others who appeal in vague noncommittal terms (or fake a birthday, John Cochran of “Survivor South Pacific”), Penner goes straight for the proverbial jugular, not attacking Lisa’s sense of righteousness, but her insecurities, and her insecurities from EARLY LIFE nonetheless!  What’s more, he does it in the guise of friendly advice, claiming to be the first person who understood her.  All this is sprinkled with hyperbolic praise.  “Unprecedented move”, huh? Yes Penner, as a hard core strategist, you of all people know that a person uniting a disparate group of people to form a voting block has NEVER happened before!  I know I should be appalled at Penner’s display, as most of his words a clearly not genuine, but damn it, I can’t help but be impressed with his read of people, and the overall convincing performance he gave!

Challenge?  Oh, yeah, right, I suppose there was a reward challenge this episode.  Do I really have to?  Can’t I just rhapsodize about Penner some more?

In all seriousness, this challenge does deserve a decent amount of mention, both good and bad.  For it, tribes are split into teams of two, who make their way through a muddy obstacle course one at a time, each collecting a bag of balls.  Once everyone has made it through, teams unwrap their balls (12 in all), and try to get them down a small cone.  The first team to get all 12 balls down the cone wins the right to take school supplies (though they mostly look like sports supplies to me) to a local Filipino school, and earns a feast from that school.  This seems, at first, like your average obstacle course challenge of the type I rag on normally.  However, there are two things that save this challenge from my disgust: mud and rice.  Mud is a fun element of every “Survivor” challenge.  It adds to the spills and the hilarity, it gets the castaways dirty, which is rather entertaining, and it just seems like adding insult to injury, if you’re into schadenfreud.  But mud has been done before, it’s old hat, give us something new.  Ok, how about rice? One leg of the challenge forces the castaways to dive through a trough of rice, which, of course, sticks to them and everything muddy.  Even more than mud, this is insult to injury, and it lends this challenge a unique twist that I rather like.  Top it all off with a good bit of strategy by Penner (which I’ll get to in a minute), and you have a decent, solid challenge.

Though really, does it HAVE to be a team challenge?  Would it kill you to let a free-for-all happen, and force people to make choices about who to bring on reward?

Back to Penner (you’ll find that I do that a lot this blog), he finds himself on a team with Malcolm, Denise, and Carter, going up against Skupin, Lisa, Pete, and Artis, with Abi-Maria not picked (there’s a shock, I’m amazed Probst didn’t lampshade it) and therefore ineligible for reward.  The teams are fairly evenly matched, with Penner’s team having a slight edge in my opinion, but Penner takes no chances.  He loses time on his leg to search around in the mud for all 4 bags and bring them to the surface, thus saving time in the long run.  It’s a good strategy, and helps his team to an admittedly quite narrow victory given the circumstances.

Penner’s team goes on reward, and as always they enjoy the food and hobnobbing with the locals, which at least one person must say is a “life changing experience”.  Malcolm is this year’s winner in that department, at least.  Not one to let a good situation go to waste, however, Penner takes time out to strategize with his fellow reward members, correctly pointing out that they’re on the bottom, and ought to stick together.  The consensus is that Lisa and Skupin are the way to go, and things seem set up for a flip from Lisa.

Oddly enough, Tandang seems to agree with the plan, as they’re doing all that they can to convince Lisa to betray them.  Well, at least Abi-Maria seems to be.  Pete says that he hoped that this would be a bonding time for Tandang, a reaffirmation of their alliance, and return to the fold for those on the outside.  Continually, Pete forgets that he’s aligned with Abi-Maria, who proceeds to badmouth Lisa for her perceived “gullibility”.  Even Artis admits this is a bad idea, and when ARTIS thinks what you’re doing is insane, you know there’s trouble.  What makes it even worse is that Lisa HERSELF, the person most likely to flip, wanted to go along with Pete and co., was perfectly willing to follow along with the plan, and you go and alienate her for no reason!  I’ve run out of metaphors for stupidity at this point, just make one up.

Heading back to camp after commercial, we’re greeted with the return of the effective “Kalabaw 4” from reward, and as you’d expect, they’re greeted…  oh, wait, I guess nothing happened at camp, as it’s CHALLENGE TIME (boy that came fast)!  And the immunity challenge is nothing short of sadistic.  Castaways roll balls down a long paddle, trying to get them into one of 6 notches carved into the paddle.  The first to have all 6 balls sitting on the paddle wins.  Dear Lord, this challenge is difficult.  First of all, it not only requires balance, but also coordination with balance, something very rare, and almost never practiced.  Furthermore, those notches aren’t big, they just barely fit each ball, so while the first ball might not be too bad, it’s downright Herculean to get the other 5 in there without dislodging another ball (as Pete so aptly demonstrated).  It’s like a challenge off of Wii Fit, if Wii Fit had a cruel streak.

In an ironic twist, the man who left the game because of his hands is now kept in the game because of them.  Skupin wins, which would normally be Penner’s death knell, but he’s not one to just roll over and die.  He continues his work on Lisa, taking a slightly different emotional tack this time, one that I’m sure has come up in many a strategy discussion, but has never been shown so blatantly on screen.

Penner asks her how she wants to be perceived in editing.

I’ve always said that these people realize that they’re on a tv show to some degree, no matter how long they stay on, and are, to some degree, thinking about how they’d like to be shown.  I think that, of late, it’s what has led people to avoiding a lot of good strategic moves, as they don’t want to look like scum to the national public.  It also makes sense that the producers don’t want this sort of discussion shown, as it ruins some of the illusion of “reality” on the show, and can blatantly reveal what the editors are trying to do in some cases.  Still, I doubt Penner’s argument is original, but it is a good one.  He tells Lisa that however things turn out, she’ll be perceived as a likeable, loyal underdog, but that the public will dislike her for keeping the “evil” threesome of Artis, Abi-Maria, and Pete in the game.

What’s scary is the man’s ability to predict the public.  That’s pretty much exactly the fan reaction to Lisa.

Meanwhile, the rest of Penner’s alliance (in what I first thought was a conspiracy to turn on him) decided to shift the vote to Artis, as he’s unlikely to play Abi-Maria’s immunity idol.  A bit of unnecessary strategizing, given the confidence of the alliance, but certainly sound reasoning, and any one of the threesome is better than one of the Kalabaw 4.

Penner’s taking no chances, though, and also works the immunity-given Skupin to try and vote off Artis.  Penner works a bit more blatantly, offering Skupin a full-on alliance.  Skupin likes what he hears, but won’t move against Lisa.  So, after some discussion in the water, it’s off to Tribal Council, where Abi-Maria once again digs her own passive-aggressive grave.  And from here on out you know the story.  Like I said, I thought for sure Penner was gone (very glad that he’s not, though), and I even had my “MORONS” megaphone ready to chastise the editors for slipping up on misdirection, when, in fact, it was one of the best bits of misdirection EVER in my opinion.

So, where does this leave us?  With a big question mark, that’s where.  Skupin, despite his interviews, moved against Lisa, and voted with the Kalabaw 4, apparently for good.  This leads to one of two conclusions.  Either Skupin has freed himself of Lisa (which I find unlikely) or Lisa told him to vote against Artis, allowing her to look like a good guy, but still eliminate Artis.  A shrewd move on Lisa’s part, if that’s the case, but not a smart one.  She moves from a solid 5 where she’s guaranteed victory at the end to a not solid 6 where likeability is pretty much even.

Still, this could lead to a short Pagonging of the old Tandang loyalists, which could make the next few episodes boring.  Given the drama that Abi-Maria’s existence causes, though, I kind of doubt it.

What I don’t doubt is that tonight’s episode merited another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5

The theme, as you might guess, is blindsides, and for once, I’m going purely subjective, my own opinions (primarily based on predictability) of what the best blindsides are.  I may do a more objective list at some point, to talk about the blindsides that had the most impact on the game, but that’s not this list.  Also, as there’s no such thing as a “bad” blindside in my objective opinion, I’ll be using it to list the top 5 missed opportunities for blindsides.  One note of clarification on this: the name I list for the bottom 5 is the person who ACTUALLY got voted off, not the person who should have been blindsided.  Now then, on to the list.

Top 5

5. Deena Bennett (“Survivor The Amazon”): Where better to start than with a blindside by the king of blindsides, Rob Cesternino.  While Rob had already perfected this with the boot of the aptly-named Roger Sexton, Deena’s was in my opinion the most unexpected, as well as Rob’s biggest power play.  It gains the lowest slot I can give only because the editing made it seem like it was coming, so a bit of predictability.  Overall, though, an exciting boot for an exciting episode.

4. Artis Silvester (“Survivor Philippines”): So what if it might be the afterglow of Penner’s continued tenure in the game, my list, my choice!  Admittedly, I did put this one down low because I’m not sure how I’ll feel about this blindside compared to others come tomorrow, but at the moment, they pulled the wool over my eyes, made an exciting episode, and earned the #4 slot.

3. John Carroll (“Survivor Marquesas”): It’s not so much that you thought John Carroll would never be voted off.  He was in a leadership position (always precarious), a physical threat, and somewhat cocky.  No, this one you just thought the alliance for it would never come together.  Neleh and Paschal were too far ensconced in the Rotu 4 alliance to dare flip, especially with loose cannon Sean, and yet they did, making for the first “bottom of the totem pole” shake-up in “Survivor” history, and one hell of a blindside.

2. Leann Slaby (“Survivor Vanuatu”): I know I said that overall impact on the game wouldn’t be considered, but this is the exception.  This is the vote that saved Chris’ game and won him a million dollars.  I justify this bending of the rules by pointing out that I did not expect Chris to pull off any sort of a win, given how many women were left, so I’d call it an unexpected and fun blindside.

1. Erik Reichenbach (“Survivor Micronesia”): A fun and deserved blindside.  Never.  I never thought someone would be du enough to give up immunity to a majority alliance.  You proved me wrong, good sir.  Thanks for making the end of the season entertaining!

Honorable Mention: Gretchen Cordy (“Survivor Borneo”): I’ve mentioned before that I watched the seasons out of order, so “Survivor Borneo” was not my first and consequently lost a lot of it’s impact for me.  Still, a lot has to be said for the first real “blindside” of “Survivor”, ever.  You could argue, I suppose, that Stacey or Joel were technically first, but in both cases, you kind of saw it coming.  Gretchen was the first real surprise, and it caused a storm of controversy when it aired.  It must at least be acknowledged, even if it didn’t surprise me.

 

Bottom 5

5. Jenna Lewis (“Survivor Borneo”): Sticking to the land of Borneo, we have our first missed opportunity.  While there was never really a chance to overtake the Tagi alliance from this season, as Pagong was just too disorganized, they did have a shot with their “Barbeque Alliance”.  The Tagi alliance was fragmenting (with Kelly Wiglesworth defecting for a vote), and newly united Pagong front.  That is until Sean Kenniff got moral, voted for Jenna, and in doing so sealed the rest of the Pagong’s fate.

4. Stephenie LaGrossa (“Survivor Palau”): Again, given the amount Tom Westman and Ian Rosenberger won immunity, this was a very slim chance, but deserves mentioning.  The women couldn’t compete on any level with either alpha male, the only way they could WIN in the end was a woman’s alliance.  However, it broke up because, according to Katie “Caryn sucks”.  Mature Katie.  Real mature.  No wonder you lost.

3. Kelly Goldsmith (“Survivor Africa”): Much like Pagong, the Samburu tribe was at a disadvantage, ready to be picked off come the merge.  Unlike Pagong, however, Samburu was much more prepared strategically, and it helped that the old Boran had a few cracks in it.  And while this vote did end up going for a Boran member, it permanently splintered the Samburu, leading to their destruction and a missed opportunity for power.

2. Alicia Calaway (“Survivor The Australian Outback”): While Alicia originally hails from the outback, this goes out her boot in “Survivor All-Stars”.  Once it became clear that a Pagonging of Mogo Mogo would not go smoothly due to Shii-Ann Huang’s winning immunity, people should have ganged up on Boston Rob.  Although he didn’t win, he was the guy to beat, and yet no one made a move to better themselves.  Shii-Ann put it best by calling them “Stupid, stupid people.”

1. Amanda Kimmel (“Survivor China”): This goes for the one time she was actually voted out, in “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”.  DAMMIT, CANDICE, YOU COULD HAVE GOT RID OF RUSSELL FUCKING HANTZ, PUT YOURSELF IN A POWER POSITION, AND YET YOU DIDN’T!  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?

Honorable Mention: Mike Chiesl (“Survivor Redemption Island”): More of a placeholder for any vote post-merge this season.  Ometepe, like on “Survivor All-Stars” just couldn’t bring themselves to vote off their biggest competition, and payed a rightful price.  They’re not on the list proper only because I can’t think of a specific vote that could have changed the game.  For all my criticisms, Boston Rob did keep a good, tight grip on the tribe that season.

Well, that’s it and I’m bushed.  Looking forward to the next episode!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

“Survivor” Retrospectives: All-Stars

I’m back, after a week’s hiatus!  I needed it, because let me tell you, this next season is a doozy.  The other seasons have been standard, to the point of appearing formulaic, but this was the first season to turn everything on its head.  It may seem like a bad fanfiction at the outset, but no, it’s really happening.  Favorite castaways are returning to play once again.  This, my friends, is “Survivor All-Stars”.

However, since it’s been a few weeks, I’d like to remind everyone that this review does contain spoilers.  If you wish to avoid spoilers about the season, scroll quily down to the bottom of the page, and read the section entitled “Abstract”, where I give my general opinion on the watchability of the season.  Now, as I haven’t said for a while, on to the review!

CAST

Given that this is the “All-Stars” season, you’d think that the producers would pull the “Best of the Best” from all the season, and come up with a hit cast.  You’d be right, for the most part.  One thing I will give the producers is that they did get a nice variety of castaways for the season.  You had your overall nice, honorable castaways in people like Rudy Boesch (“Survivor Borneo”), Colby Donaldson (“Survivor The Australian Outback”), and Rupert Boneham (“Survivor Pearl Islands”).  You had your hard-core schemers in people like Jerri Manthey (“Survivor The Australian Outback”), Lex Van Den Berghe (“Survivor Africa”), and “Boston Rob” Mariano (“Survivor Marquesas”).  Then you had your people who were sort of a mix, such as Alicia Calaway (“Survivor The Australian Outback”), Tina Wesson (“Survivor The Australian Outback”), and Kathy Vavrick-O’Brien.  Nearly all of these people provided memorable moments, making nearly all of them good choices.  You could argue that some of the early boots, like Tina, didn’t get a chance to be memorable, but as I’ll discuss in the “Overall” section, this season was more about honoring the past than glorifying the present, so it was still good to see.  If, however, you were asked to pick the people who defined the season, the only name that can be reasonably put forth is Boston Rob.  Compared to his last performance, which I would describe as only slightly above average, Boston Rob dominated, both physically and mentally, and ran the game from start to finish, woe betide anyone who dare to stop him.  He got annoying to me after a while, but the ay he played the game was impressive, and he wasn’t the worst character I’ve ever seen.  Even if he was, the other cast members help balance things out.  Jenna Lewis should also be noted as coming into her own here, making it much father than her first appearance, and showing some pretty decent strategy.

So, overall, it sounds like I’d have nothing to complain about, and yet I do.  In fact, I have not one, but several things to complain about with regard to the cast.  One I’ll discuss in the “Twist” section, as it has very much to do with the very idea of an “All-Star” season.  For now, however, I’ll go through them one at a time.

First off, the variety of the cast.  Now I said earlier that the producers got a good, vaired cast this season, and I stand by that for the most part.  Even when it came to distributing who was on what tribe, they did ok, except that the Chapera tribe was made up mostly of schemers, or mixed schemers, so there were few people to root for.  No, the real distribution problem has to do with how many people from each season were invited back.  I’ll mention here that this season had 18 castaways for the first time in the show’s history, so with seven seasons, every season should have had 2 people, with a couple of seasons getting 3 or 4, depending on how well-liked the season was.  What happened was that between “Survivor Borneo” and “Survivor The Australian Outback”, nine of the 18 slots were filled.  That just doesn’t sit right with me.  I know the seasons were well liked, but it doesn’t seem fair to have two seasons alone make up half the cast.  The 4 from “Survivor Borneo” I could maybe understand, but “Survivor The Australian Outback” getting 5?  No, no, no!

The second problem this season was screen time.  Up until this point, CBS had done a fair job of giving all castaways equal screen time, or at least what they deserved given their time in the game.  This season, however, gave us the first instance of someone hogging all the screen time.  I refer, of course, to Boston Rob, and while I admit he was the one doing most everything this season, it kind of detracted from the rest of the cast.

My major problem, though, rests with one castaway in particular.  I said that nearly everybody cast this season was spot-on and deserved to return.  NEARLY everybody.  There is one castaway this season, who’s lack of memorability, whose shear blandness makes me want to tear my hair out, and she WON this season.  Yes, I must ask, WHY BRING BACK AMBER BRKICH?  I’d just finished watching “Survivor The Australian Outback” when I saw the season, and I couldn’t recognize her easilly.  She just left me so empty.  In a season full of household names, of great, memorable castaways, THIS is the best person you could find?  No, I refuse to believe this was intentional.  I know Amber was a backup, and was only asked after Colleen Haskell (“Survivor Borneo”), Elizabeth Hasselbeck (“Survivor The Australian Outback”), and Sandra Diaz-Twine (“Survivor Pearl Islands”), all refused to come back, but still, there were so many alternatives!  In fact, the following is a list I’ve made of people who, while maybe not the biggest characters on their season, would at least have been better than Amber!  Note that, for this list, I’ve imposed a few requirements.  The castaway must be a woman, as they’re replacing a woman, and may not have been booted out earlier than seventh, as this is the earliest the other All Stars were booted on thier seasons, specifically a tie between Boston Rob and Shii Ann Huang of “Survivor Thailand” (who, incidentally, also came into her own on this season.  Now then, the list:

Gretchen Cordy (“Survivor Borneo”)

Kelly Wiglesworth (“Survivor Borneo”)

Kelly Goldsmith (“Survivor Africa”)

Kim Powers (“Survivor Africa”)

Teresa Cooper (“Survivor Africa”)

Tammy Leitner (“Survivor Marquesas”)

Neleh Dennis (“Survivor Marquesas”)

Helen Glover (“Survivor Thailand”)

Deena Bennett (“Survivor The Amazon”)

Christy Smith (“Survivor The Amazon”)

Heidi Stroebel (“Survivor The Amazon”)

Tijuana Bradley (“Survivor Pearl Islands”)

Christa Hastie (“Survivor Pearl Islands”)

Darrah Johnson (“Survivor Pearl Islands”)

Any one of these people would have been an improvement, but you didn’t pick them CBS.  Shame on you.

I wish I could talk about the other major problem with the cast, as it had a large effect on my score, but suffice to say that my low score here will make sense later.  Not a bad cast on the whole, I suppose, just one with a couple of major flaws.

Score: 7 out of 10

CHALLENGES

Like the cast of this season, the challenges were the best reused from previous seasons.  Unilke the cast, however, the challenges hit 100% of the time.  Unlike another season with returning castways, all the challenges were epic, and the coices for which to reuse were good ones.  If challenges were changed, or a new element added, it improved the challenge, making it more difficult, and oftentimes combined an element from another season’s challenge to make the whole thing even more difficult.  About the only new challenge was the “Build the Best Shelter” challenge, and even that, it could be argued, had elements of the “SOS” challenge from previous seasons.  It could be argued that the challenges were unfairly portioned, as some seasons like “Survivor Marquesas” got a lot of reused challenges, whereas “Survivor Pearl Islands” got none.  I’d argue, however, that “Survivor Pearl Islands” also had the challenges that had the most distinctive theme, and so would be harder to reproduce in a more generalized context.  In any case, I don’t care that much, the challenges were just so exciting and appropriate that I can’t give this season’s challenges anything but a perfect score.

Score: 10 out of 10

TWISTS

There’s a lot of twists to get through this season, so let’s not waste any time with fancy introductions.  In the All-Star Season, the first twist you’d naturally see would be the returning castways.  For the most part, this was a good idea.  It gave fans a chance to fangasm, and upped the gameplay to a new level, making it truly time to prove who was “the best of the best”.  Unfortunately, this led to the problem with the cast I alluded to earlier.  You see, in earlier seasons, while people did get understandably upset at being voted off or targeted, they got over it eventually, and didn’t make too big of a fuss.  They knew they were playing a game, and didn’t take anything personally.  They could only do so, though, because the people coming into the game were all strangers, and so it didn’t seem like friendship would enter into the game.  The All-Stars, however, did know each other, in some cases for four years.  This led to people taking the game personally, with a lot of bloody, unpleaseant arguements, the one between Boston Rob and Lex being a particularly difficult example.  And before I get off the subject, yes, Lex, what you did to Ethan Zohn (“Survivor Africa”) is EXACTLY the same as what Boston Rob did to you.  While I admit the All-Star idea was overall very engaging, and had to be done at some point, it was still a somewhat unpleasent affair that made the cast as a whole look bad.  I should say, going along with the All-Star twist was the aforementioned 18 castaway premier, and the first (and up until the upcoming “Survivor Philippines”, only) instance of 3 tribes in one season.  Personally, I liked this.  It created new dynamics, and gave the season a feeling of honoring yet surpassing its predecessors.

Another aspect of this season being All-Star was that even less supplies were given to the castaways.  Now, in the past seasons, what supplies were given had been steadily decreasing, and as these were veterans, the twist was understandable, and had the potential to be good.  Unfortunately, this also meant giving no one fire, and with no one able to make one, most of the first few episodes was the castaways whining with entitlement, which was not fun to watch.  Richard Hatch (“Survivor Borneo”) was later revealed to have smuggled waterproof matches up his ass, but as he never used them, his Mogo Mogo tribe whined as well.  A twist with potential, but not one that went well overall.  If it hadn’t been for a reward, this would have continued.  Along with this reward came the realization that a lockbox with rice was at the tribe’s camp, and winning rewards would give clues to keys that would open the lockbox. A good twist.  It raised the stakes, and gave an air of seriousness to the season.

The next twist was a sad one.  Jenna Morasca (“Survivor The Amazon”) became the second castaway ever to quit the game, due to her mother being ill with cancer.  This turned out to be a good thing, as Jenna’s mother regrettably passed away 8 days later.  A good twist, albeit a somber one.

One twist that did do well came in episode 5.  In addition to fishing gear (the reward for that episode) the tribes played for the right to dismantle the last place tribe, and absorb their members into two remaining tribes.  This was a great way to play.  High stakes, major consequences, and it made sense, not to mention being a uniue way to shuffle the tribes.  The Saboga tribe ultimately lost, but even their dismantling couldn’t deter them.  Their members made it through several tribal councils before being voted off.  This same episode brought the next “Twist” as such, when Richard Hatch rubbed his (naked) body over Sue Hawk (“Survivor Borneo”).  This only counts as a twist because it later caused Sue to quit the game in a memorable fit of rage, and, much like Jenna’s quit, it was a good, if unpleasant, twist.

Although this season was meant to honor seasons past, it didn’t mean that this season couldn’t start trends itself.  This season gave us the first instance of a combined reward/immunity challenge outside of the first immunity challenge, as well as the ability to kidnap a member of the other tribe, thus keeping them from tribal council.  Chapera won and chose Kathy, which led to a lot of good strategy talk, so I’m calling this a good twist.

This season also saw another instance of a reward that allows you to steal items from the other tribe.  This wasn’t like it’s inception on “Survivor Marquesas”, which was a free-for-all, nor was it a running twist like on “Survivor Pearl Islands”, but it was just a “Pick 3 items for a reward” deal.  I though this was a good balance, and liked the reward.

Drawing from “Survivor Thailand”, this season also gave us a fake merge, when in actuality, it was just another tribe swap, the first time it happened twice in one season.  This caught most people off guard, and made for some funny moments.  Notable, however, was that the tribes exactly flipped, with only Amber getting new tribemates.  This twist of the switch served to make it much more memorable and enjoyable, so I can’t say I don’t like it.  It also led to one of the few player twists of the season, when Boston Rob asked Lex for a favor to save Amber, in return for his keeping Lex and his alliance longer in the game.  It was a bold move, and created much drama when it didn’t work out, including the aforementioned argument with Lex.

Post merge was a move back to an old camp, which was slightly new.  Beforehand, tribes had moved to an already settled camp, or else an entirely new one.  To return to the old Saboga beach was unprecedented.  Also, no merge feast for the new Chaboga Mogo tribe.

From here on out, it was pretty boring, with the old Mogo Mogo getting Pagonged.  There was a reward challenge where edveryone got to eat, which would show up in a few later seasons, and the betrayal of Alicia, “Big Tom” Buchanan (“Survivor Africa”), and Rupert, which provided a few more player twists, but for the most part, everything was normal.  Then Amber won.  What an unpleasent twist.

This wasn’t the end, though.  Jerri Manthey walked out in justified frustration at the Reunion show, which was unpleasant, but this wasn’t the end either.  After 8 seasons, CBS saw fit to hold a popularity contest of the All-Stars, with the winner getting another million dollars.  Naturally, Rupert won, and the twist was decried as unfair, as it relied heavilly on editing.  I, however, diagree.  It was a nice tribute to the audience, who helped make the show, and as long as it didn’t become a regular thing, I saw no trouble with it.  In fact, it was an overall enjoyable tribute to the seasons.

Overall, a lack of player twists, and some general unpleasant twists drag this season down a bit, but overall, the twists were pretty good.

Score: 8 out of 10

OVERALL

The unpleasentness of how personal the cast took this season really cost it some points with me.  Also, while most of the cast was good, the ones who dragged it down REALLY dragged it down.  But you know what?  It doesn’t matter that much.  This was not a season, for new, original, dynamic cast members. This really was a different sort of season, existing to memorialize and praise past seasons.  This is why the problems with the cast don’t matter that much: it’s worth it just to see them back again.  The excitement of that sheer fact overwhelms everything.

Score: 33 out of 40

ABSTRACT

All-Stars is very much a “Survivor” fan’s season.  It contained so many refferences, so much nostalgia for the first 7 seasons, it couldn’t be anything but.  It does have some unpleasent factors that make it less enjoyable, but any fan of the show must see this season.  On the whole, I’d give it a watch, but ONLY after watching the other seasons before it first.  I admit, I myself did not follow this, but this was because at the time, only “Survivor Borneo”, “Survivor The Australian Outback”, and “Survivor Pearl Islands” were on DVD, so I had no choice.  Now all seasons through 12 are out, so there’s no excuse not to see them.

“Survivor” Retrospectives: The Australian Outback

Finally moved into my new apartment, and what better way to celebrate than a new “Survivor” Blog?  This week, we tackle The Australian Outback, arguably the most popular and recognizable season after Borneo.  Certainly, the objective information about the season holds that to be true, but is the reputation really deserved?

Once again, I will warn people that this blog will contain spoliers.  If you have not seen the season/are considering seeing the season, go to the bottom of the page and read the section labled “Abstract”.  Now, to the analysis.

CAST

Many consider The Australian Outback’s cast to be the best, after possibly Borneo.  Again, it’s certainly one of the most recognizable out there, with a lot of famous (or in some cases infamous) “Survivor” names.  Colby Donaldson, the Challenge-winning Texan, immediately springs to mind as a fan favorite, along with, to a lesser degree, his would-be girlfriend and prototype “Survivor” villainess, Jerri Manthey.  Winner Tina Wesson is also fairly well-liked and remembered, although I can’t say why, save that she was a nice alternative to the polazing winner that is Richard Hatch (“Survivor Borneo”).  Elizabeth Hasselbeck (then Filarski) is, of course, still in the public conciousness due to her job as conservative commentator on “The View”.  Accordingly, her compatriate, the lovable Kentucky schoolteacher Rodger Bingham, is also quite fondly remembered.  Jeff Varner has a reputation for being a prototype for the mindset that future castaways would take (as well as one of the first people screwed over by a twist, but we’ll get to that in the “Twist” section).  One of the most physical women on the show at the time, Alicia Calaway is also well remembered, though more for her actions on “Survivor All-Stars” than anything, which we’ll get to in the analysis of that season.  And, of course, let us not forget crazy Mike Skupin, the pig hunter made doubly famous by falling into the fire, burning his hands, and being the first (and, for the next 10 seasons, ONLY) “Survivor” medevac.

Once again, CBS does a fairly good job with casting this season.  There’s a nice variety in personality types and strategies, although I notice that a lot of good old Southerners made the merge this season, and there appears to be a somewhat higher percentage of them this season (on Borneo, for instance, the only people around who could be considered Southerners would be B.B and Susan, and in the later case, it’s more the redneck stereotype than actually being Southern, as Sue was from Wisconsin).  Still, a good polarization of the purely physical and the purely mental, as well as occupational and economic class variety.

There are only two “drawbacks” to the cast of The Australian Outback, and one of them is arguable.  The first is that, overall, this cast was “nicer” than that of Borneo, for better or worse.  This might seem paradoxical, as unlike Borneo, no one went on a rant about the immorality of alliances (well, ok, one or two did, but on Borneo, the only ones who didn’t rant against it were those in the Tagi alliance, making the number of ranters much larger).  However, rather than vote straight down tribal lines, these people kept around some of the good, likeable people, rather than some despicable people for the sake of alliances.  Also, people just genuinely found it easier to identify with the cast of The Australian Outback than it did with Borneo.  Now, this came at the expense of strategic gameplay, to a degree, and thus The Australian Outback was not nearly as cutthroat as it’s predecessor.  This can be either a good thing or a bad thing in people’s eyes.  For me, however, while I prefer more cutthroat seasons, this one was also more unpredictable in it’s boot order (which I’ll talk about in the “Overall” section), and that, for me, makes it enjoyable.

The other drawback is that, while Borneo’s cast, even the early boots, were all memorable in some way, The Australian Outback’s was not, unfortunately.  Sure, it had a lot of highly memorable people, especially when compared to later seasons, but it had a few flops as well, particularly the early boots, who tended to have one (weak) defining characteristic.  Debb Eaton, the first boot, is remembered only because of an overblown scandal that came as a result of her being on the show.  Taking only what was on the show, she was actually quite a boring first boot.  I can’t really count her as unmemorable (given that I called Alicia memorable even though it was mainly for her actions in a later season) but if I’m really technical, she qualifies.  Kel Gleason is only remembered for being involved in the infamous “beef jerky” debacle, which really had less to do with him and more to do with Jerri than anyone.  Mitchell Olsen was tall, but otherwise turned in a very dull performance.  Kimmi Kappenberg is somewhat remembered for her refusal to eat cow brain at a challenge (due to her being a vegetarian), but beyond that, nothing.  These in and of themselves would be excusable, but a few flops made it through to the merge.  Amber Brkitch did nothing either of her seasons (and is only famous for winning “Survivor All-Stars”, which I’ll argue she shouldn’t have been on when we get there, and marrying Boston Rob [“Survivor Marquesas”]), Nick Brown really did nothing of note, and although I remember him fondly, Keith Famie is also remembered for almost nothing, save possibly being a bad chef.

Now, as I say, these are only a few people, and overall excusable.  However, compared to Borneo’s home run cast, they seem a little lackluster.

Score: 8 out of 10

CHALLENGES

This is where the true strength of The Australian Outback shows.  I mentioned in my earlier retrospective that although Borneo’s challenges were good, they were lacking in the epic quality of furture challenges.  This is not true of The Australian Outback.  Admittedly, some of this has to do with the location, which provides a fantastic backdrop for the challenges, the jumping off the cliff reward challenge in the second episode being a prime example.  Even so, though, the challenges have been increased in size, scale, and difficulty, again with a good mix of physical and mental challenges.  Now, many of these challenges did not become classics, as with most of the challenges of Borneo, but you’ll still find the genesis of some challenges here.  For instance, this is the origin of the food auction.  The one minor drawback of this season is the lack of Probst narration on this season.  Now, I know a lot of people find it annoying and distracting, but I think it’s funny, and without the narration, it was sometimes a little hard to tell who was ahead, such as on a sliding puzzle reward challenge.  Still, overall a very strong season on challenges.

Score: 9 out of 10

TWISTS

If challenges are The Australian Outback’s strength, then it’s twists are it’s weakness.  This was still before the concept of producer induced twists came about, so the only thing that could really be considered a “twist” in that sense is the fact that game time was increased to 42, and I’m not particularly fond of that twist.  It just felt like things were dragging, and just seemed wrong somehow.

Still, this season did give us a few people/nature related twists.  Although it was around since Borneo, this was the first time that the “previous votes” procedure for breaking deadlocked votes was implemented, and I did like it. It seemed appropriate, and fit in with the theme of past actions coming back to haunt a person.  However, I can see why they got rid of it, as it made for predictable gamplay in the event of deadlocked merges, and could lead to the inadvertent and untimely ousting of good characters, Jeff Varner of this season ing a prime example.  Also of note, this season was the first time that a blindsided vote went down pre-merge, when Colby, Keith, and Tina banded together to oust Mitchell.

Nature also played a part in twisting the game.  Mike Skupin falling in the fire is, of course, the ime example of this, and while it was dramatic, and interesting in and of that it had never happened before, it was painful for me, and wasn’t really a happy memory, as good twists should be.  Of course, one should not discount the equally infamous camp flooding.  I like this one a little more.  It was nice and dramatic, but still ended on a happy note, with Keith and Tina recovering the lost rice.

Probably the biggest twist, however, was that the game did not go down tribal lines post-merge.  Bear in mind, this season was heavilly influenced by Borneo.  Nearly everyone had seen it, and most people expected it to go down in a similar way.  This time, however, it was not a straight “Pagonging” as Borneo had been, but instead some nicer people were kept around at the expense of more annoying alliance mates.  This was shocking, and, to a degree, made for a less predictable boot order than Borneo, which is a major positive for me.

So, The Australian Outback had some good cast imposed twists.  On the whole, however, there were no producer twists, and a lot of the cast twists were painful to watch.

Score: 6 out of 10

OVERALL

I mentioned in my intro that objectively, this was the best season, and I should explain that.  First off, this is the season that produced the most all-star castways of any season (5 in all), even though I’d argue that Amber didn’t deserve to be a part of that, and many would argue that Alicia didn’t either.  Also, although Borneo produced the single most watched “Survivor” episode, The Australian Outback overall had higher viewer ratings.  The explanation for this is the same as for why the season is so fondly remembered.  The fact is that, although Borneo was enourmously influential and successful, it was a new show.  Word of mouth takes time to build up.  By the time it had, Borneo was pretty much over, and so The Australian Outback got the spillover, and managed to keep the viewership by being a fairly entertaining season.

Also, whereas Borneo voted along tribal lines, The Australian Outback changed it up a little, which, for me, made it more entertaining.

This nostalgia, however, paints it in a better light than it deserves, as The Australian Outback does have a couple of weak elements.  What ties it together is nostalgia of “classic” “Survivor” seasons, and the location, which is probably one of “Survivor”‘s best.  So does the season work?  Kind of, but you have to view it in the right light.

Score: 30 out of 40

ABSTRACT

If you watched and liked Borneo, you’ll probably like The Australian Outback.  If not, you should probably watch it anyway, as it is also one of the most talked about seasons of “Survivor”, and although it’s not the strongest in terms of gameplay, it’s a visual delight that will keep one entertained.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor One World” Episode 13: Dare to be Stupid

Ah, the penultimate episode!  A time when everything can change!  A time when we find out the weak spots in alliances!  A time when, once again, every castaway has an excellent move placed in front of them, and all uniformly reject it.

Hello, and welcome once again to “Idol Speculation”.  We’re at the penultimate episode, and let me tell you, I can’t wait for the finale, but then again, a lot of that’s because I can’t wait for this season to be over, but there’s still some things to like.  Lets find out what they are…

We come back to Tikiano camp to find that the girls are uniformly trashing Kat.  Ok, I know I’m not one to talk about this, particularly given that I ripped Kat a new one during this blog, but this just seems cruel.  Kick her while she’s down, why don’t you?  Admittedly, Kat can’t hear them, so I suppose it’s all well and good, but it just seems pointless.  I mean, the woman was in your alliance for 33 days, have a little respect, you know.  Why bother trashing someone for no good reason?

Strangely, the one person who still seems to have their head in the game is TarZAN.  He goes on about his whole-game strategy.  He seems to have taken a leaf out of the book of Sandra Diaz-Twine (“Survivor Pearl Islands”) in that he does what it takes to make it to certain game milestones, even if it means voting out people he likes.  For all that I’ve trashed TarZAN, this IS a halfway decent strategy, good for him.  It gets even better when he first goes to Kim and tries to convince her that taking out Chelsea is a good bet for the finals, and what’s more, she seems to buy it.  Afterwards, when Alicia comes up, he manages to do the same thing with her!  Man, this is great stuff!  Where’s this TarZAN been the entire game?

Of course, TarZAN must them ramble on about his shocks again, thus restoring equilibrium.

Next up, we get a twist: a scene involving Christina in which she is NOT uniformly trashed by the entire cast!  Admittedly, it starts out with dream interpretation on the way to tree mail, but it does get better.  Chelsea, realizing that there’s a 3-3 split with herself, Kim, and Sabrina against TarZAN, Alicia, and Christina, tries to sway Christina over to her side.  Christina pays in kind by immediately telling the others about Chelsea’s scheming.  Now, I’m actually going to be nice to this episode, because, as I’ve said, I enjoyed it, but this just doesn’t make sense to me.  Christina, you’ve been trashed by every contestant here, have every reason to distrust every single one of them, and then you go and tell them every scheme you’re privy to.  No wonder you get so trashed by every analyst left!  To be fair, as Christina does (at the time) have an alliance of 3, it might behoove her to stir up trouble to try and get Chelsea out, but somehow I don’t think Christina was thinking like that.  I think she just had immense loyalty to Alicia and Kim.

As a side note, in order to help convince Christina to flip-flop, Chelsea promises to take her on the reward.  Remember that now.

Off to the reward challenge, and I’m rather surprised to find a original challenge this season.  No really, it’s original.  Ok, the puzzle does have some reused elements, but it’s not particularly based on a challenge from any one season.  Basically, castaways run around a post to unscrew a disk (thereby making themselves dizzy) three times.  The disks then become part of a puzzle to unlock a combination lock, the winner being the first person to unlock their lock.  Although it’s not one of the great challenges, I have to admit, I like it.  It’s fun visually, we get some good slapstick from dizzy castaways, and the puzzle is fairly clever.  I particularly like that though you may have the 3 right numbers, they are not placed in the correct order for the combination lock, so there’s a certain element of luck involved.  This gives the potential for come-from-behind victories, which are always exciting.

Chelsea wins, and then is given the ever-difficult “Who you gonna bring?” choice.  Chelsea swears she won’t make the same mistake as Kat in the last episode, and bring the people she likes.  She proves this by… bringing the people she likes, in this case Kim and Sabrina.  Wow, way to NOT reveal alliances, Chelsea.  I look forward to this biting you in the butt later.

So the trio go on reward (dinner and a night on a luxury ship), and revel in excess.  They even get to shower, which we get to see in person, because CBS has now seen fit to stick a cameraman in there.  I know it’s reality tv, and people sign away their souls and their privacy to be on the show, but this just seems excessive.  I mean, “Survivor Vanuatu” had a shower scene, but they didn’t stick a cameraman in there!  It just seems beyond indecent, particularly given how dirty these people must be.  And don’t give me any “It was a HIDDEN camera” statements, that camera MOVED.

Dinnertime, and the three revel in their success, commenting how nice it would be for all them to be in the final 3.  Even Kim admits that she thinks the other women will stay loyal, and that she “feels good” about going to the final with Chelsea and Sabrina.  Here we finally see Kim have a major flaw: Cockiness.  It’s hardly unique to her, and it’s undone many a brilliant “Survivor” game (recall Ken Hoang of “Survivor Gabon”).  Still, it could be fatal, given her options.  Although Kim has played a great game, and certainly deserves to win more than the others, one must still account for jury bitterness.  While having not played particularly strong games, Chelsea and Sabrina are both very likeable, and could beat Kim because of jury bitterness.  This is as opposed to TarZAN, Alicia, and Christina, all of whom Kim could beat no matter HOW you slice things.  And yet Kim goes and sides with Chelsea and Sabrina.  I sense her undoing is nigh.  Now, it’s not a death sentence for Kim’s game.  She’s played well, and Richard Hatch (“Survivor Borneo”) is often referred to as “the cockiest ‘Survivor’ ever.” and he still pulled out a victory.  Still, it’s not necessarily a good sign for Kim.

On the subject of who people can and cannot beat, I will take this time to address the issue of “TarZAN will grab the men’s votes”.  It’s prevalent throughout the episode, but I’ll take the time to discuss it here and avoid it later.  While it is true that jury bitterness could sway things in TarZAN’s favor, just given that he has a “Y” chromosome, I just don’t see it happening, and I think these fears are unfounded.  TarZAN has played the game like a crazy person (note my “Top 5 and Bottom 5” from several episodes ago), and has made several enemies in the game, including the men.  Jumping ahead a little, you’ll note that Mike flipped TarZAN the bird at Tribal Council.  Evidence enough that he’s not particularly well liked.

Our reward ends with the women luxuriously lounging, with Chelsea commenting that this is “..like a honeymoon.”  Well, Chelsea, since neither of you live in North Carolina, that may be possible.

On the less luxurious side of things, however, all is not in golden time.  Alicia and Christina are rightfully pissed at being at the bottom of the pecking order, and actually begin to strategize against Chelsea and (to a degree) Kim.  In particular, Alicia has suddenly turned into a master strategist, coming up with some genuinely good ideas, even going so far as to show knowledge that Kim is being deceptive to everyone.  Somewhere in my bashing of her, she’s actually learned how to play the game, and not in a way based on likes or dislikes.  You’ll note that her other ally is Christina, the woman she was on the WARPATH against for the first half of the season.  Overcoming personal problems for self gain?  THAT’S GOOD STRATEGY!  She’d be an alright winner, if it weren’t for the fact that she was downright mean and unlikable to everyone around her.  Still, her accomplishment has to be acknowledged.  It’s like what I think about Brian Heidik (“Survivor Thailand”).  He’s a despicable person, but you have to respect the gameplay.

However, this respect is undone somewhat when the trio get back from their reward.  For all that I bashed Kim earlier for her cockiness, she does, at least, know how to dig herself out of it to a degree.  Realizing that TarZAN doubtless strategize against her, Kim spins Alicia a tale of how TarZAN was trying to get her (Alicia) out behind her back, so as to make Alicia mistrust TarZAN.  Again, it’s a GOOD MOVE, rather similar to one Julie Berry pulled on Twila Tanner in “Survivor Vanuatu”.  Alicia falls for it completely, telling us in an interview that she think’s she’s being played, and won’t allow it to happen to her.  To emphasize her point, she gesticulates wildly.  So, a woman named Alicia is going on a diatribe while bobbing her head and waving her finger in our faces…  I see no ripoff in this whatsoever!  *cough*”Survivor The Australian Outback”*cough*.

Before we hit challenge time, we get another TarZAN tidbit.  He psychs himself up for the challenge by saying that there’s no way he’ll possibly win, and these “feminine genders” will beat him again.  Way to boost your spirits TarZAN, I’m sure you’ll win with that attitude.  And is it wrong that I can’t get over the fact that “feminine” isn’t a gender?

Anyway, it’s time for… Challenge Time!  And I’m inventing a new “Survivor” Law that I’m calling the “Letdown Law”.  It’s really quite simple: For every episode that has a creative, original reward challenge, we must balance it out by having a boring, rehashed immunity challenge.  In this case, we’re ripping off “Survivor Redemption Island” (and why anyone would want to rip off “Redemption Island” is beyond me) with the “Build the Fish Skeleton” challenge.  I’ll admit this challenge is difficult, and it’s a clever puzzle, but it’s just so boring to watch, and it looks ridiculous!  Thankfully, we do get some drama with just how much the lead flip-flops back and forth, with Alicia pulling our a narrow victory.

After the challenge, TarZAN, realizing that his time is numbered, of course tries to ingratiate himself to the women so that they might be inclined to go along with his plan.  I mean, women LIKE to be called “bitches” to their faces, right?  What do you mean, no?  Just because I got my sex education by reading “Janet Evanovich” novels doesn’t mean anything!

There’s more strategizing, with everyone coming up with good strategies, even being willing, at one point, to force a tie.  Instead (and I’m jumping ahead here because nothing really interesting happens at tribal) they all do the stupid thing and vote TarZAN out.  Why is it stupid.  Well, for Christina and Alicia, it rids them of a potential ally.  For Kim, Chelsea, and Sabrina, it rids them of a beatable castaway.  What’s the upside?  Kat’s belongings don’t get disrespected (as a side not, it confounds me as to why the man would do that, when it gains him absolutely nothing but enmity, but it confounds me even more that things which fit Kat also fit TarZAN).

Tribal, however, does bring up a point that now confuses me: EVERYONE TRUSTS KIM!  Oh, it’s not as though she has them all fooled, both Alicia and Sabrina have ADMITTED that Kim could be lying to them.  So, they go with the plan, knowing FULL WELL that they’re probably being played.  Like I said last time, please just give Kim the check.

It’s strange, I should really hate this episode.  It has all the hallmarks that I hate: reused challenges, failing to act on good gameplay, bad misdirection (I didn’t think for a minute that Chelsea was going home, given TarZAN’s screen time), but I just don’t.  It was exciting, it kept me enthralled, we got some good potential gameplay, and it’s almost over.  Please, God, let it be almost over.

So where do we stand?  Well, barring an INCREDIBLY bitter jury (which, from what I’ve seen of Ponderosa, does not seem like this cast), Kim has this won.  Let’s find out how, this Sunday.

Or possibly later.  Things are winding down here, but I might be busy on Sunday, and will probably have to miss the showing on Sunday.  My computer is having sound problems, so I’ll have to wait even longer than usual to see the episode.  Still, I should have a finale blog up by 5 P.M. eastern time on Monday.

See you when I see you!

-Matt

Title credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor One World” Episode 7: Troyzan, Lord of the Shapes

Apologies for the relative lateness of the blog, a family gathering I rather wanted to partake in prevented me from starting to write immediately after the episode.  For the record, this was begun at 10:04 P.M., when events are still fairly fresh in my mind.

Following off the whirlwind that was the previous tribal council, we find that the castaways are about as confused as we are, and with reactions as varied.  Troyzan gives us the usual “new game” speech where he praises the fact that he’s playing an individual game.  Given that he’s in the majority alliance (currently the new Salani), he’s got reason to feel this way.  Less thrilled is Alicia, who, with no idol and virtually no alliance, sees her only recourse as going back to the women and trying to reinstate girl power around camp.  Given how paranoid you made them about the idol, Alicia, I’d call that a long shot at best.  If they think you have the idol and you don’t produce (a physical impossibility, barring that Alicia makes a fake idol, in which case all they’d have to do is put hers and Kim’s side by side and note the obvious differences to detect a fake) your ass is, as they say, “grass”.

Up next is the thing I’ve been angry about this whole season, so I’m sure you’re ready to hear me address it, so here it is: they finally have a full intro.  I know what you’re thinking.  You think I should be overjoyed, have that statement in all caps with several exclamation points on the end, and I’m not going to lie, I am happy they finally give us a full intro.  However, I have to note that they gave a full intro SEVEN EPISODES IN!  Halfway through the season and we finally get a full intro.  It’s an awful long time to wait, guys, and I think Kourtney, Nina, Matt, Bill, Monica, and Colton would have liked to be in it.  I know they were early boots, but it used to be that one guarantee of the show was that you’d get to see your name in that classic “Survivor” intro.  If I were those 6, I’d feel really disenfranchised.

Now, I can kind of see why they did it.  The way they had the intro edited, you could tell which people had switched tribes, and they didn’t want to spoil that until the merge.  However, I don’t buy this.  These people shoot HUNDREDS of hours of footage per day, and you’re telling me you can’t find about 5 seconds of footage of each person in their original tribe?  I call BS.

Intro rant over.  We get back to camp the next morning to find the all important “naming of the new tribe” ceremony.  As hotly contested as some of these debates has been (recall “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” where I believe around a half dozen names were proposed and contested, or “Survivor All-Stars” where Alicia Calaway [“Survivor the Australian Outback”] and Amber Brkich [also “Survivor the Australian Outback”] took the time to draw up a chart of possible names) this one is very calm and quick, with Troyzan suggesting the name “Tikiano”, claiming it means “Year of the Gods”, and no one challenging it.  I have to admit, I’m not pleased with this, not because the name is particularly bad, but because it’s not good enough to wildly praise and not bad enough to make fun of.  It’s on the more ridiculous side of things, but it gives me no strong feelings one way or the other.  Given that half the point of this blog is entertainment, this annoys me.

Having settled on a name, tribe alchemist Jonas sets off to turn coconut into potato chips.  He is unsuccessful, but the results are tasty by all accounts.  Not so successful are TarZAN’s attempts at strategy.  Pulling Mike aside, TarZAN (I’m going to be sick of typing his name so often in this particular blog) tries to pull him on board for a “Guy Power” alliance, with Alicia brought on as an honorary male.  It’s alright in theory, but TarZAN doesn’t seem to have noticed that no one, not even most of the guys, much less Alicia, are on board with this.  Mike, for his part, does fake like he’s into the idea, but lets us know in an interview that there’s no way he’s going back with the people who put him on the outside.  Now if only someone taught Matt (“Survivor Redemption Island”) that lesson.

We warp to a challenge, and I’m rather surprised that it’s happening this early, as for the most part, immediately following a merge there’s only an immunity challenge, not a reward.  The usual consensus is that the merge feast is a reward, so no need for a challenge.  The producer’s have seen fit to produce one, and due to my previous disgust at the lack of reward challenges over the past couple seasons, I’m thrilled.

What I’m NOT so thrilled about is the challenge itself.  For one thing, it’s a challenge that divides the individuals into arbitrary teams, which while I don’t dislike happening every once in a while, its become too common lately, and as Troyzan said, it’s an individual game now, but this type of challenge distracts from it.  It does, however, support my theory that the producers moved the merge up after seeing the lopsidedness of the tribes, as this could easily have been a team challenge.  Another thing to dislike is the challenge itself.  My God is it plain.  A boring, unchallenging obstacle course, with a boring, unchallenging puzzle.  I should hate it for this, but who cares, it’s a reward challenge this early!  Probst offers the winning team pizza and beer, and also a mystery note to be read on the reward.

While the challenge itself is not that compelling, it was nice to see the story of the blue team’s struggle.  They initially fell very far behind due to Leif pulling himself the wrong way through a dig fence (the way he went he had no leverage) and also not carving out enough space for his butt.  Thankfully for them, a few stumbles by Sabrina on the same obstacle ties up the tribes.  Unfortunately, TarZAN puts himself on the puzzle, only to be utterly ineffectual, and then constantly deny that he’s been ineffectual.  Don’t worry, my rant on TarZAN is coming, I’m just saving it for later.

As you may have guessed, the orange team pulls out a narrow victory, and goes on reward.  After exclaiming over how good the pizza is, Alicia reads the note, informing the people present that another hidden immunity idol is in play.  I knew the producer’s wouldn’t let Colton keep it!  No, actually, this is an entirely new idol, ripe for the picking.  Of ALL the interesting interviews on this subject we could have received, we get Chelsea droning on about how bad it would be if a Manono got it.  Whether she means Manono as in “Men” or Manono as in “Switched Manono” remains to be seen.

Back at camp, more interesting things are happening, things like Jonas trying to save his own skin.  Unlike the deluded TarZAN, Jonas is fully aware that he’s in the minority alliance, and is desperately trying to pull something together, again using Mike as a potential swing vote.  Mike, whether to cause discord and enmity, or just to try and keep up the illusion that he is with them, tells Jonas what TarZAN told him.  At this, Jonas realizes that maybe forming an alliance with a volatile wild card was not the best idea, and confronts TarZAN in an attempt to corral him.  While this is something he should have done, Jonas admittedly goes about it in a very bad way, being confrontational and talking down to TarZAN.  Not exactly the way to influence people, Jonas.  Actually, we’ll see that a lot this evening: Jonas having the right idea, but not execute it well at all.

To be fair, though, TarZAN was not exactly reasonable either.  He was quick to anger, got defensive easily, and ultimately washed himself of the alliance, a move that only hurts both of them.  To add to the insanity, TarZAN admits that he never liked Jonas, which is funny, because last episode when he told Christine that he liked the entire tribe EXCEPT her, I thought Jonas was included in that.  TarZAN then tells us that when he says things from the heart, he means it, which again, is odd given his statements last episode.  Oh no, this is not my TarZAN rant either, you’ll see it in a bit.

After commercial, we see that Troyzan has gotten up early, not to work but to go idol hunting, on an “early bird” principle.  After a fairly funny scene in which Troyzan, believing to have found an idol, instead gets pinched by a crab, he succeeds, and I give him credit not only for taking the initiative, but also taking the logical step of not telling anyone.  Given that the women seem to be in power at the moment, I’d call this a good move on his part.  Admittedly, this is mired somewhat by Troyzan being Coach-like and kissing his own biceps in celebration of his awesomeness, but at least here he did something to merit it.

Oddly Troyzan, despite all promises in the pre-game interviews, has not been very Coach-like so far.  True, he’s had his moments of insanity and shameless self-promotion, but for the most part, he’s played a under-the-radar, logical, opportunistic game.  It’s not what we promised, but after so much Coach last season, I’ll take it!

Challenge Time!  Today’s challenge is brought to you by “Survivor Redemption Island”, because it truly is a season well-liked by the viewing audience!  No, actually, it’s because it’s a fairly easy challenge to produce for individual competition that is still, admittedly challenging.  It could be argued that this destroys my “Move the Merge” theory, but I would point out that challenges are built well in advance, so they probably had the majority done already, and all they had to do was to build a few extra podiums, disks, and balls, which given a few day’s lead time would be fairly easy.  Overall, it’s a boring challenge, involving balancing 3 balls on a disc for as long as possible.  While it’s boring visually, I can’t deny that it’s challenging, which I suppose makes it an ok challenge.

All bets are off as to who will win, though my money is on Leif, due to his lower center of gravity.  I’d lose, however, as Troyzan pulls out a narrow victory over Kat, who contributes the most she’s ever done to a challenge by simply standing there.  This really is Troyzan’s episode.  He’s getting some good strategy in, he found an immunity idol, and he just won a difficult immunity challenge.  Props to you, man.

Back at the camp, and Troyzan is all hunky-dory, as are the Salani 7.  Deciding who to vote off is fairly simple.  Jay and Chelsea go off to have a “Who can talk more slowly?” contest, and use it to conclude that Jonas, as the ringleader of Manono, must go.  I can’t say this is a bad choice, but for my money, I’d have gone with TarZAN for the vote.  He annoys everyone, so it brings tranquility to the tribe, it keeps around the guys who’s cooking you food, and curry’s some favor with potential jury members, as I’m fairly certain both sides want him gone.  Still, I can’t fault them the decision, as the only real problem is that everyone likes Jonas, and it would be hard to vote him off.  In this game, that doesn’t matter, and Grand High Duchess Kim’s Seal of Approval seems to end Jonas’ game.

Now we get the misdirection that I don’t believe at all.  Troyzan, deciding that playing both sides might be a good idea (in my opinion it could go either way) informs Jonas, who seems incredulous that these people would target the leader of the alliance.  Troyzan offers Jonas his full support, and for my money, I can’t figure out why.  Playing both sides is one thing, but Troyzan, this is overstepping the bounds.  This could easily come back to bite you in final tribal.

Jonas, feeling the need for more allies now the vote approaches, offers to reconcile with TarZAN who instantly agrees.  Hypocritical, yes, but there’s still MORE insanity to be had, just you wait viewing audience.  Together they formulate a strategy to vote for Kat as “they can’t think of anything better.”  This is just lazy and unconvincing.  Furthermore, they could easily come up with a better strategy.  For my money, Jonas had a good idea in targeting Mike, as he was on the outs with the Salani 7, still got rid of a guy, and was a physical threat.  Why he didn’t go to Salani and propose this compromise, I have no idea.

Tribal will have to wait, however, TarZAN has wardrobe issues.  Specifically a brown stain on his underwear making everyone believe he has shit himself, and no one wanting to wash their clothes with his.  Yet, in an effort to conserve water, he slips his undies in with a load of Chelsea’s wash.  She politely requests that he remove it, which he initially does, which could have been the end of it, but no, TarZAN puts it back in, making the (admittedly correct) argument that the hot water will kill any bacteria.

Alright, TarZAN rant time: THE MAN IS INSANE!  We’ve had a lot of insane castaways these days, and this episode cements TarZAN as a member of those ranks.  The man changes his mind for reasons no one can comprehend, goes off all angry at the weirdest things, and insists on forcing issues that are best left alone.  The real kicker for me is that he’s obviously intelligent, based upon his vocabulary and some of his arguments, but he presents himself in such a way that no one can take him seriously.  He’s entertaining, I’ll give him that, but I reiterate, THE MAN IS INSANE!  I certainly wouldn’t trust him to be my doctor.

His argument with Chelsea does get her to try and convince Salani to get him out, but again, I don’t buy this misdirection for a minute.

We come to what I can only describe as one of the most pathetic Tribal Council performances ever.  As a note to future contestants who may read this blog, study this Tribal Council closely, and NEVER repeat any of the things done here.  Do not do what Jonas did, and single out the guy you’re voting for.  Do not do what TarZAN did and go off on your ally for no reason, and declare your vote (again, INSANE).  Do not do what Jonas did AGAIN, and reveal your other target, this time with no argument behind why.  Emulate Kim, in giving acceptable answers that get rid of Probst and don’t technically lie (ok, so there was ONE good part about tribal).  Do not do what Chelsea did and single out the person you dislike, and go into detail as to WHY.  If you follow these easy steps, you too may be a sole Survivor.

Not surprisingly, Jonas goes home, and I have to admit I’m disappointed.  For all that I ragged on him in this blog, he was finally starting to come into his own, and could have been an interesting character.  Again, he lacks in execution of his plans, but he was still learning.

Oh well, no sense in mourning what might have been, instead, let’s mourn what was!  You guessed it, it’s time for another:

TOP 5 and BOTTOM 5!

Today’s category, as my ranting may have indicated, is crazy people.  Given that it’s hard to have a bottom 5 “crazy” category, my bottom 5 is going to be composed of people who played cool, calculating, predictable games.  Let’s waste not more time, and get to the list!

Top 5

5. Greg “Tarzan” Smith (“Survivor One World”): Maybe it’s bad form to put the entry from the current season this early in the list, but that’s honestly where he belongs.  As I’ve mentioned, the man is inconsistent and not good with communication, not to mention having no idea how to influence people.  His performances and denials tonight, in my mind, are enough to merit a spot on this list.  What saves him from being farther up is that fact that he does appear to have a modicum of intelligence (unlike most of the other people in the “Top 5” section), but that still doesn’t excuse the insanity.

4. Shannon “Shambo” Waters (“Survivor Samoa”): Another somewhat underplayed insane “Survivor”, but I think “Shambo” has earned her spot on the list.  Her hairstyle is a factor, being rather insane in this era, but the woman also constantly failed at many things, then questioned why her tribe disliked her.  When she tried to explain things, she often made no sense, and spoke in odd metaphors.  But the big crazy moment for her is a dream in which she believed she killed Dave Ball (“Survivor Samoa”), which she interpreted as a sign.  I’m a Psych major, and even for me, finding such clarity in dreams is insane (not to mention that dream interpretation is an inexact art), and merits a spot on this list.

3. Cao Boi Bui (“Survivor Cook Islands”): Ah, who could forget the famous headache healing Boat person from the racially divided season?  He was rather older than his tribe mates (a common feature amongst most on this list), and also more seeped in old world culture.  At first, this just leaked out in small ways, such as racially insensitive jokes and the ability to heal headaches through massage (on a side note, I always thought his tribe unnecessarily complained about his headache healing.  Given the choice between a splitting headache and a red fleck on my forehead for a few days, I take the latter each time).  But then Cao Boi started to go further from the mainstream, such as doing a strange, leaping fire dance to start a fire (though admittedly, like his headache cure it was effective), carting the Immunity Idol with him everywhere, and, like “Shambo” having a dream about who to vote off, resulting in the ill-fated “Plan Voodoo”.  Anyone who can come up with a name like that and take it seriously has EARNED their spot on this list.

2. Phillip “Special Agent?” Sheppard (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Look me in the eye and tell me that the man who walked around in tight pink briefs with no shame was not at least a little crazy.  But even this just scratches the surface, the man insisted upon using animal metaphors for everything, and even went so far as to tie a feather to his forehead (making him look ridiculous for the rest of the game).  Add his communions with Great-Grandpa Jessum to the mix, and you have one of the craziest Survivors every, but not quite as…

1. Shane Powers (“Survivor Exile Island”): I’ve used the term “crazy” really loosely in this list, but the only one I think was actually insane is Shane Powers.  It’s understandable, the man quite smoking 3 packs a day cold turkey going into the game.  Adjusting to the elements is hard enough, having to detox from cigarettes can only compound the effects.  It was so bad that Shane actually tried to quit, only to turn on a dime and not want to quit, but even THIS erratic behavior is only the tip of the iceberg.  I could write an entire essay on why Shane is the #1 craziest Survivor, so here I will include a brief list of incidents involving Shane’s craziness: threatening to kill fellow castaways, insisting that Cirie, as a nurse, be the one to examine his genitals for a rash, his innumerable sound bytes, “Shane’s Thinking Seat”, and, lest we forget, “Shane’s Blackberry.”  Enjoy your title, man, you earned it.

Honorable Mention: Matthew Von Ertfelda (“Survivor The Amazon”): One that had to be struck from the list due to my definition of “crazy” that I used.  Still, I had to at least give mention to the man voted “Most needs to see a psychologist” by his fellow castaways (including himself).  Matthew is remembered most for an episode in which he could not stop sharpening a machete, and several contestants commented on how he would likely kill them in a fit of rage.  Not crazy like these other people, but, admittedly, crazy in another way that at least deserves mentioning.  As a pathetic side note, Matthew is the closest I have ever come to having the person I rooted for at the beginning of the game win the whole thing.

Bottom 5

5. Parvati Shallow (“Survivor Cook Islands”): I’ve said before that Parvati knows how to do one thing, but she does it exceedingly well.  This is flirt to play people, and it’s earned her the second most consecutive days on the show, no small feat.  However, BECAUSE she does it so well she earns her spot on this list.  Flirting is a risky strategy, and you REALLY need to know how to dispense it properly in order for it to work.  That it has worked so well for Parvati shows how calculating she can be, and why she’s on the list.

4. “Boston Rob” Mariano (“Survivor Marquesas”): How could I not include the man so often compared to the Godfather?  You’ve heard of his virtues on countless fan sites before, so I don’t need to extol them here, particularly given my distaste for Boston Rob. He’s not a bad character, and again, he’s certainly good at knowing how to run an alliance, his performance on “Survivor Redemption Island” shows that.  I simply feel that the hype isn’t deserved for the amount he gets.  And for the record, I would point out that, although he does hold the record for most days on “Survivor”, he is ahead of Parvati by only 3 days, having played a whole entire season more than her.

3. Richard Hatch (“Survivor Borneo”): It was only a matter of time before the infamous Hatch made it on one of my lists.  Arguably the father of the alliance, Richard made his mark by forming an alliance when almost no one else thought to, and then systematically eliminating the other tribe.  Richard is denied the number one spot, only because I question how well his methods would work now, as evidenced by his placement in “Survivor All-Stars”.  Still, most former Survivors owe their ideas to him, originally, and he’s certainly a calculating individual.

2. Yul Kwan (“Survivor Cook Islands”): If Boston Rob acted the part of a mafia boss, Yul lived the part.  Probably one of the most normal, book smart people “Survivor” ever cast (he is remembered for having a complex proof comparing a “Survivor” challenge to an elephant trying to run up a tree), Yul’s voting strategy was described by fellow contestants as “like putting a hit on somebody”.  Yul knew just how long to keep someone around, and when to eliminate them, and how to appease the people on the jury.  He did this so well that he managed to beat Ozzy in a final tribal council.  Admittedly it was a narrow margin, but Ozzy was well liked, and a physical player, and physical players are often favored by the jury, so Yul’s impressive feat earns him the #2 spot.

1. Brian Heidik (“Survivor Thailand”): Admittedly, he’s a lot of the reason “Survivor Thailand” is so hated in “Survivor” history, but you have to give him credit, he was cold and calculating to the point of being emotionless (though he was a used car salesman).  Every move he made was designed to get him the million, and, in that area he succeeded.  In life, not so much, he’s a despicable human being, but certainly the most calculating Survivor.

Honorable Mention: Cirie Fields (“Survivor Exile Island”): To give her her due, Cirie is a good strategist, and certainly knows how to play people just right, but 2 things bar her from this list.  The first is that she never won (something everyone else did) and second that in her early days she was fueled by emotion.  Still, she’s quite intelligent, and that deserves to be acknowledged.

Whew, that was a long list.  Yes, lackluster episode, but next week promises Tribal loyalty dilemmas, which are usually fun to watch, and best of all NO COLTON!  So, hopefully next week will be a good one!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.