“Survivor” What-Ifs?: Samoa

Come on in, guys!  And welcome back to “Survivor What-Ifs”, where we make one little change in a given season of “Survivor”, to see how it impacts the rest of “Survivor” history.  And oh boy, what a season we have to consider today.  “Survivor Samoa” is arguably the most divisive season of the show, largely due to the fact that it could be more aptly titled “The Russell Hantz Show”.  “Survivor” is no stranger to having a “big character” of the season.  One could argue that Rupert took on a similar role for “Survivor Pearl Islands”, or Boston Rob in “Survivor Redemption Island” if we look to the future at this point.  

Samoa is a bit special, though, in that Russell takes up SO much screen time, he effectively pushes out anyone else who might want character bits or a story arc.  To put it in perspective, Russell has somewhere in the ballpark of four times the number of confessionals OF THE WINNER!  Yeah, dude was a bit of a screen hog, or just made into one by the editors.  Hence, the division.  If you, like a lot of the audience then and now, enjoyed Russell’s character on the show, having a season devoted to him was an interesting diversion, making for a distinctive season.  If you, like me, found Russell to be incredibly flawed as a player, and found that his schtick got old after about one episode, this season really has nothing else for you, and was at best a chore to get through.  So, let’s see if we can change that, shall we?  Can we make one little change that can make this season more palatable to everyone, Russell fans and Russell haters alike?  

Before we get into that, though, a couple of bits of business.  First, to give credit where credit is due, this particular idea for a “What-If?” did not come from me.  Instead, the inspiration came from YouTube channel “Once Upon An Island”, which does “Survivor”-related videos.  Recently, they did a history of people who got medically evacuated off the show, and if you remember “Survivor Samoa”, you can already see where this is going.  Still, since I wouldn’t have thought of this were it not for the video, I feel I need to acknowledge it here.  Moreover, though, be aware that this blog will contain SPOILERS, both for this season and future seasons, since we need to be reminded of our baseline before we talk about how a change would work.  Without further ado, though, let us change history.  

THE IMPACT

As you may have guessed from the lead-in, our change today concerns Russell.  No, not Russell Hantz, the OTHER Russell of this season, one Russell Swan.  Arguably the only character to actually get some note on the show other than the eponymous Hantz, Russell Swan was the leader of Galu, though perhaps most famous for his medical evacuation late in the pre-merge.  Possibly the most dramatic in the history of the show, Russell Swan worked himself through the rain to keep the camp orderly, but then just could not handle the challenge in this episode, leading to his scary collapse in the middle of doing a maze.  As a side note, this episode has a vivid personal memory for me.  I was in High School at the time, and well-known as the “Survivor” guy.  A girl in my theatre department had a family that was majorly into “Survivor”, but she herself had never watched it.  She was finally convinced to give it a try… In the episode where Russell Swan nearly dies.  Understandably, she was freaked out, and never watched the show again, for which I cannot blame her.  

Now, I initially would not have thought of a possible change for this scenario.  The only thing I could see being done to avoid it would be for Russell to not work in the rain, a change to his personality so drastic that it would violate my own rules for what makes an acceptable change to talk about.  The video mentioned above, however, reminded me of another, more plausible change.  I did not remember that Galu tried to get Russell to sit out, only for him to say that he was good to go, and they dropped the subject.  This is possibly because I try my hardest to forget that “Survivor Samoa” exists on a regular basis.  

But what if Galu didn’t drop the subject?  What if they insisted that they could tell Russell wasn’t doing well, and insist that he sit out such a low-stakes challenge.  Some may disagree, given his portrayal on “Survivor Philippines”, but I think Russell caves here.  The man could be stubborn, and could have a “my way or the highway” attitude, but he could back down in the face of a majority.  You’ll note that he had gone along with the plan to vote out Yasmin a few episodes before, in spite of the fact that he didn’t agree with the decision.  So the man clearly CAN give in to the will of his tribe.  In this timeline, the will of his tribe is that he sit out, and so he does.  

Going on with how it changes this episode, the winner of this challenge really is a moot point, since it was set to be a double Tribal Council prior to Russell’s collapse.  If you must know, though, I would guess that Foa Foa wins without Russell playing in the challenge.  With the possible exception of Dave Ball, none of the sit-outs would have made much of a difference, and Foa Foa did have a slight lead in the challenge even in our timeline.  With no medical evacuation, the Double Tribal Council takes place as planned.  As in our timeline, Foa Foa votes out Liz Kim, but Galu is a bit trickier, since in our timeline, we don’t get a lot of their internal tribe dynamics, due to only going to Tribal Council once.  That said, I think the best bet is that Shambo gets voted out at this juncture, if Tribal Council goes forward.  The tribe wasn’t overly fond of her already, she had already been to the Foa Foa camp and developed bonds there a couple of times at this point, plus she was the only person not to vote for Yasmin at Galu’s first Tribal Council.  

THE FALLOUT

So what happens now?  In the short term, Russell Swan gets better.  One major factor in his evacuation in our timeline was the fact that there were several straight days of bad weather in a row.  After the episode in our timeline where Russell collapses, the weather improves, thus allowing the rest of Galu to pick up the slack and let Russell get some rest.  So, in this timeline, Mike Borassi is the only medical casualty of “Survivor Samoa”.  Predicting the merge, however, is much tricker, largely due to an internal production decision that, as far as I know, we will never know the truth about.  You see, in our timeline, we had one more immunity challenge pre-merge.  However, it’s not clear if this decision was made due to the medical evacuation canceling the planned Double Tribal Council, or if this was always in the cards, and the merge was planned for the Final 11 instead of the Final 12.  Honestly, either one seems plausible to me, and there’s evidence for both options (the number of days played at this point make it seem like there was always another immunity challenge planned, but the odd number of players and start of the jury at Final 12 indicate a merge in the same episode).  

Ultimately, though, it probably doesn’t matter.  Even in the best-case scenario for Foa Foa, where the merge happens immediately after the Double Tribal Council, they’re still down 8-4.  Similar to out timeline, but now Russell Swan, rather than Shambo, is in the merge.  And that, dear readers, makes all the difference.  

The absence of Shambo, and the presence of Russell Swan, basically kills what little chance Foa Foa has of repeating the comeback they make in our timeline in this timeline.  There’s three major factors that lead to this conclusion.  Firstly, with no Shambo at the merge, there’s also no Shambo to flip to Foa Foa as soon as it hits.  Yes, even with Shamboo’s flip, Foa Foa was still down 7-5, but clever idol plays and a narrower majority put Galu in much more peril than they are in this timeline.  Second, there’s Russell Swan as a uniting factor.  The man has his flaws as a “leader”, there’s no doubt about it, but when it came to bringing the tribe together against a common enemy, the man knew how to do his job.  Look at how they devolved into infighting after his evacuation in our timeline.  A united Galu front, rather than a fractured one as we saw in our timeline, is hard to overcome.  It’s true that hidden immunity idols are a factor here, and for all of Russell Hantz’s many, MANY flaws in his game, the man is good at finding hidden immunity idols, which could give Foa Foa more of an edge.  That said, this feels like the sort of trick that only works once.  Maybe at the merge, Russell out-predicts Galu, and sends one of them home.  Galu doesn’t let that happen again, and pulls the “Edgardo Maneuver” from “Survivor Fiji”, voting for a member of Foa Foa no one expects, and Foa Foa is screwed once again.  

Really, though, the big factor is that this time, the votes are out of their system.  It’s an interesting pattern on “Survivor”, but for whatever reason, tribes that only attend one or fewer Tribal Councils tend to vote for one of their own immediately after the merge.  From Koror on “Survivor Palau” to Bayon on “Survivor Cambodia”, if you largely avoid Tribal Council pre-merge, you’re more than likely going to turn on one of your own come the merge.  Granted, this pattern is more prevalent in seasons with only two tribes, but as “Survivor Samoa” is one such season, the point stands.  Even in our timeline, despite losing two members, Galu only went to one Tribal Council, and they turned on each other at the merge.  The reasons for this pattern are varied, but I hypothesize that people get irritating, and all you think about is voting them off to the point where you jump the gun once you have the opportunity.  Galu going to just ONE MORE Tribal Council helps clear up those internal divisions, and unite the tribe.  From there it’s just a numbers game.  Barring someone from Foa Foa going on an immunity streak a la Brett in our timeline, or them playing their hidden immunity idols PERFECTLY, someone from Galu wins in this timeline.  The factors are too many to say who it would be with any degree of confidence, but that the winner is an original Galu, I can say with confidence.  

THE LEGACY

A Galu victory naturally changes the way the entire season of “Survivor Samoa” is edited.  Don’t misunderstand, Russell Hantz is still a big name, if only for his aptitude and finding hidden immunity idols without clues, before such things were common.  But without leading his tribe back from the brink to victory, Russell isn’t the only game in town.  He has to share screen time with a bunch of the Galus, so they get more character development.  A necessary change, as this season is untimely just a boring Pagonging in this timeline.  

Surprisingly, the season that probably changes the LEAST as a result of this new timeline is “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”.  Russell Hantz, despite not being as legendary in this timeline, still revolutionized the finding of idols, and had already talked about “Russell Seeds” and sabotaging his tribe before our timeline change.  We in our timeline might be inclined to say they bring back Russell Swan on the Heroes Tribe, since he saved Galu from collapsing.  However, remember that we only know that because of OUR timeline.  In this timeline, the destruction of Foa Foa seems inevitable, and while Russell is well-regarded, particularly in comparison to Mick on Foa Foa, he’s not legendary enough for such a season.  I’m sure he comes back at some point, just probably more in the area of a “Survivor Game Changers” than “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”.  The only possible change is that Russell Hantz is MAYBE more humble in this timeline with the knowledge that he definitively did NOT win his season, but I doubt it.  With the rivalry between himself and Boston Rob still intact, “Survivor Redemption Island” remains unchanged, along with the “Russell-proofing” of idols, and Russell’s impact on “Survivor” History as a whole.  

The cast makeups of some future seasons are hard to determine without knowing who the winner is, though I’d imagine we get more returnees from Samoa in general due to it no longer just being “The Russell Hantz Show”.  Some characters on Galu, like Erik and Dave, get more screen time, and I could see them or another member of Galu coming back on something like a “Survivor Game Changers”, or even “Survivor Caramoan”.  Monica, however, probably fares worse than she does in our timeline.  Without even the flimsy “She put fear into Russell Hantz” justification that she got in our timeline, I doubt Monica is up for “Survivor Cambodia”, or if she is, she’s not voted in.  Now, you might be inclined to replace her with another young, attractive woman from the show.  Someone like Baylor from “Survivor San Juan del Sur” could take her place.  However, I’ll go out on a limb and say that T-Bird from “Survivor Africa” gets on instead.  Yes, T-Bird is a completely different archetype, and was in the vote in our timeline and still lost, but so help me, I want T-Bird to return, and I’m still salty she didn’t win the vote in our timeline.  Just let me have this, ok?

Of course, no medical evacuation for Russell Swan makes him ineligible to return on “Survivor Philippines”, meaning he’s replaced with their original plan… *shudder* Colton Cumbie of “Survivor One World”.  Yeah, I don’t even have to go into the details of how that would change the season to know it’s a change for the worse.  

“Survivor Winners at War” is really the only other major returnee season to discuss here, and again, without knowing the winner, we can’t really say if they’d be on or not.  If the winner was one of the bigger characters of Samoa, like the aforementioned Dave or Erik, yeah, they probably get on.  If it’s someone less exciting, like John Fincher or Kelly Sharbaugh, perhaps not.  As to whether a John Fincher win prevents him and Parvati Shallow from marrying, there’s just no way  to know.  

So, once again, to the ultimate question: Does this change make the season better?  Ehh… If I’m being objective, it really doesn’t.  Even as someone who loathes “Survivor Samoa”, I have to admit that it’s memorable.  Lopsided in the edit, and centered around an annoying egomaniac whose voice has become like sandpaper in my brain, yes, but memorable.  But as mentioned earlier, without the Foa Foa turnaround, the season is ultimately a predictable Pagonging by the tribe that was obviously going to dominate, with only a few interesting characters to be found.  In the end, I suppose it’s better to be polarizing than to be forgettable, and in that sense, yes, this change is a change for the worse.  Sorry, Russell Swan!  

And that about covers the major changes that result from Russell Swan not being medically evacuated.  Of course, with 20 years of “Survivor” History to go through, there’s a lot more changes to discuss, and I want to hear what you want discussed!  Leave a comment on this blog, or wherever it’s posted, of what timeline changes you’d like to see me discuss next!  To help, the guidelines for what sorts of changes I’m willing to examine are below:  

1. One Change Only: This can’t be a whole bunch of things or multiple things going another way to alter the course of a season.  This must be one singular event that alters the season in some way.  Cascade effects, where one change naturally leads to another, are ok, but they have to be natural and logical.  As an example, Shii-Ann not flipping and Chuay Gahn losing the final 10 immunity challenge on “Survivor Thailand” would definitely change things, but those are two independent changes that need to happen, and therefore not appropriate for this blog.  I should also mention that the change has to be an EVENT, not a play style.  Yes, “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” probably goes much differently if Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) isn’t an asshole to everyone, but apart from that never happening, it’s a change in overall play style, not a single moment.  It’s also, as I say, implausible, which leads to my next ground rule…

2. The Change Must Be Realistic: An unlikely change is ok, but it has to be something that COULD have happened, or it’s not worth writing about.  Yes, Fang winning the first immunity challenge on “Survivor Gabon” would drastically change the season.  Would it ever happen?  No.  So there’s no point in writing about it.  

3. The Change Must Have An Impact: By this, I mean the change has to actually alter the season in some significant way.  Simply changing up the boot order is not enough.  Someone new has to win, the perception of the season has to change, or both.  As an example, I originally planned to do a blog on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, with a timeline where Candice didn’t flip at the final 9.  I thought this could lead to a Heroes victory.  Then I remembered that Russell Hantz plays his idol in that same episode, meaning the flip most likely doesn’t matter, and apart from a slight boot order change, the season as a whole remains untouched.  Uninteresting, and therefore not worth talking about.  

In addition to these hard-and-fast guidelines, there are two what I call “Flexible Guidelines”.  As the name would imply, these rules can be bent with a compelling arguments, but they are two things that should be borne in mind when suggesting new situations to examine:

4. US Seasons Only: This is nothing against international seasons of “Survivor”.  From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, they can be quite good.  The trouble is, as a citizen on the US, the US version of “Survivor” is the one I’m most familiar with, know the most about, and have seen the most of.  I haven’t even seen a full international season of “Survivor”, just the occasional clip.  Nothing knocking them, of course.  I just haven’t gotten around to viewing them.  So, while I won’t outright ban the suggesting of changes from non-US seasons of “Survivor”, bear in mind that I’m unlikely to pick them due to a lack of knowledge and lack of time to catch up on the seasons.  

5. I Will Not Do Brandon Flipping At The Africa Final 9: A flip by Brandon Quinton at the Final 9 of “Survivor Africa”, voting out Lex instead of Kelly, would indeed fit all the criteria mentioned above.  I’m refusing this particular scenario, not because it isn’t interesting or worth talking about, but because it was already covered by Mario Lanza in his book “When it Was Worth Playing For”.  He covered it so well and so thoroughly that I don’t think I would have anything to add.  I’m willing to consider this scenario if someone can give me a compelling reason that Mario is wrong, or there’s some aspect he didn’t consider, but until that time, this scenario is out.  Other “Survivor Africa” scenarios are ok, though.

Hope everyone is doing well, and getting vaccinated!

-Matt

Survivor Retrospectives: Samoa

Well, folks, this is where it starts. You’ve heard about the “Survivor” great downward spiral. This is where it begins. Strangely, I put it a lot earlier than most, so let’s take a look at why Samoa seemed at the time to be the beginning of the end.
However, it should be noted that this review will contain spoilers. Those who want to know my opinions on the season, but don’t want to know the specific events that inform my opinion, can scroll to the bottom of the page, where I will have an “Abstract” section that will briefly summarize my opinion on the watchability of the season in a spoiler-free manner. Oh, boy, this is going to suck, so let’s jump right into the season.

CAST
Samoa’s cast is very unique, and not in a good way. There’s been a variety of casts thus far in “Survivor” history, and while the quality varies widely in those season, you can usually count on at least 3 or 4 interesting people to a season. Samoa did not have that. Samoa had Russell Hantz, and if the marketing was to believed, no one else.
In fairness, it’s pretty easy to see why marketing would latch onto Russell as a cash cow. A big time strategist who was good at finding idols, Russell would have made good tv just for that. But Russell had to go farther than this. He had an ego that rivaled even Richard Hatch’s (“Survivor Borneo”), and could turn out cocky soundbytes with the best of players. He even had a few deeds to back it up, managing to overcome a 2-1 deficit for his Foa Foa tribe come the merge (they lost all but one immunity challenge). Yes, I have no quarrel in a sense with them centering the season around Russell, as he made it so easy. What I DO have a problem with is making him the ONLY thing to watch on the season.
In an odd twist, Samoa seems to have been cast with only Russell in mind. So many non-entities, so many bland people, so many sheep who would just kowtow to Russell that they may as well not even have been there. Apart from getting old very fast, this meant there was no break from the Russell, no reprieve from the supposed new “mastermind”. And make no mistake, while I do acknowledge Russell’s accomplishments, he is no mastermind. In fact, he’s so inflexible that I’d go so far as to call him one of the DUMBEST players ever. While it would become much more evident in his later seasons, Samoa still showed that while Russell was incredibly good at finding hidden immunity idols and calling the bluffs of others/finding their weaknesses to make them flip, he was completely ignorant of the social aspect of the game. Russell bullied, Russell put down others, and worst of all in my mind, Russell was INCREDIBLY chauvinistic. His first alliance was dubbed, by him, the “Dumbass Girl Alliance”. That does not sit well with me, and did not sit well with the audience either. Compounding the problem, Russell even refused to acknowledge that he MIGHT need to be nice to people, insisting that he deserved the win on merit alone. Rather than take responsibility for the one part of the game he DIDN’T do well on, Russell chose to ignore it altogether. People praise many of his moves (which I’ll get to in the “Twist” section), but I maintain that for all his good strategizing, Russell’s ignoring of the social aspect of the game makes him a bad player, and perhaps even does an injustice to the game as a whole.
Here we see the crux of the problem with having only Russell to support the cast: he was a polarizing player. Again, this makes him good tv, but with any polarizing player, about half the audience is going to dislike him, and with no one to fall back on or challenge Russell, this means you lose about half your cast. Moreover, Russell’s hype and ego really wore thin as the show went on, largely due to the fact that while Richard Hatch’s ego was tempered by a lot of self-deprecating humor, Russell seemed to really believe the narcissistic confessionals he was putting out. For me, he wasn’t pleasant to watch, and there being no recourse from him made it all the worse. Bottom line, while his dynamic nature made him good tv, he was polarizing, wore thin, and hinging an entire season on him was not the way to make a successful season.
Ok, ok, I suppose if you want to get TECHNICAL, Russell wasn’t the only person Samoa had to hinge on at the time. Notably, his rival from Galu Russell Swan was remembered, though mostly due to the twists he was involved in which will, of course, be taken up in the “Twist” section. In any case, he was a nice guy, if a bit of a bumbling leader. Swan I actually like, but he was out fairly early, and that really just left us with Hantz. Russell Hantz’s other rival, late in the merge, was one Brett Clouser, a t-shirt designer who decided to go on a winning streak late in the season, that made him the only foil to Russell. It failed. While Brett seemed a very nice guy, he was such a non-entity for the majority of the season that he kind of fell flat later, and didn’t have any sort of strategy, and so just didn’t work. Shannon “Shambo” Waters, the mullet-sporting ex-Marine was occasionally delightfully crazy, but mostly came off as whiny and entitled, milking the “my tribe picked on me” card for too long. Laura Morrett had the potential for strategy, and had a nice immunity run early after the merge, but was too mean-spirited, and shoved aside too much for Russell Hantz. Here was the FIRST person who maybe had potential outside of Russell, and she barely got any screentime. Not a good business model. Finally, there’s eventual winner Natalie White, who falls into a similar category as Brett. She ended up a foil to Russell, but only because she was nice at the end, and had almost no impact on the season as a whole. She, Laura, and Russell Swan are the only people talked about outside of Russell Hantz, and with the exception of Natalie, only for their performance on later seasons, or their manner of exit. As to Natalie, despite being nice, she’s usually talked about negatively, seen as costing Russell his richly deserved win. I don’t agree with this, but we’ll get to that in the “Twist” section.
Even now, Russell Hantz dominates the conversation, and that’s not a good thing, as especially late in the season, everyone else just wasn’t there. As I said, other people are talked about, but usually for things outside of the season itself. Taking the season on its own, there’s just Russell, and that’s not ideal. Take, for comparison, “Survivor The Amazon”. Yes, in a lot of ways it was mainly the “Rob Cesternino Show”, but it was backed up with a good supporting cast for if and when Rob got annoying, as well as giving Rob a few foils. One person does not a cast make, what few supports existed were lackluster at best, there’s just no salvaging the cast of Samoa.

Score: 1 out of 10.

CHALLENGES
At the outset, it seemed like Samoa would have good challenges. Not a lot of puzzle emphasis, but that’s ok sometimes. A lot of epic, very physical competitions, but perhaps too much so, due to the number of injuries on the season (again, wait for the “Twist” section). Apart from that, the seemed to lose something right around the merge. Competitions started becoming more home-grown, more board game like than before. Put it this way, this was the season that gave us bowling. BOWLING. On “Survivor”. No. No, that’s not how you do challenges. Not trying to knock the pre-merge competitions, those were still awesome, but the post-merge game really drags everything down. Stronger than the cast, but that’s not saying much. Still, points need to be given for the coconut “Ker=Plunk!” challenge towards the end, that was pretty fun to see.

Score: 4 out of 10.

TWISTS
One thing I’ll say about a cast with Russell on it, there’s no shortage of twists. This, and not Russell himself, are what really hold up the season and again, they’re stronger than Russell, but that’s not saying much. Let’s take a look.
Starting things off, this season decided to have each tribe formally pick a leader without any information. Not a bad concept, but awfully similar to what they’d just done on “Survivor Tocantins”, only you’re looking for positive first impressions rather than negative first impressions. On top of that, I hate the concept of a formal “Leader” on a tribe in “Survivor”. It didn’t work for the Morgan tribe on “Survivor Pearl Islands”. I remain unconvinced it will work for others. This leader would make many important decisions over the game, starting with which three tribe members would participate in the challenge, and this is how they would be judged. Russell Swan was chosen for Galu, and while he was an effective motivator, he made a few stupid decisions in his time, notably taking pillows and blankets rather than a tarp for one reward to “take care of the ladies” (chauvinism was just a major theme of the season). Still, he was better than his counterpart on Foa Foa: Mick Trimming. The man so bland Wonder Bread makes fun of him. He was basically neutered by Russell Hantz, who made all the real decisions. Plus, Russell controlled the tribe by dumping their supplies at night. While it was amazing to see anyone go there, it felt unpleasant and wrong. But we’ll talk more about Russell later. As to Mick, like I said, a non-entity. Still, the one decision he did make, who to put in the opening challenge, paid off, in that Foa Foa won.
This would not be a trend that lasted. While not quite as pathetic as the Ulong Tribe from “Survivor Palau”, Foa Foa was abysmal in challenges, winning precisely one immunity challenge the entire time. Like with “Survivor Gabon” seeing one tribe get decimated wasn’t nearly as fun the third time around, though for once it lead to a great bit after the merge.
This season eliminated Exile Island, instead option to do a variation on the “kidnapping” twist from “Survivor China”. Now the winning tribe sent someone to the losing tribe to hang around. The person sent had a note that told the location of their own tribe’s hidden immunity idol. While I admire the show for not sticking to what had become formula, this twist never really worked for me. Some interesting cross-tribal strategizing went on (it’s what got Shambo to flip), but it just never clicked like Exile Island did, mostly due to the hidden immunity idols getting found without clues. On top of that, it was the death of Exile Island as a twist, and I was sorry to see it go. As such, I can’t get behind this twist too much.
Episode two also saw the first of two medical emergencies. During a violent basketball-style game called Schmergenbrawl, Foa Foa Player Mike Borassi began to have trouble breathing. As such he was pulled from the game. Sorry to see him go, but he hadn’t made a huge impact. A fun fact, though, is that he was originally going to be on “Survivor Tocantins” in place of Spencer Duhm, and was only pulled at the last minute for sleep apnea. This was also the point where Russell started his blindsides. I won’t be covering the pre-merge ones, just due to the sheer number and lack of reason to each, but let’s just say that wherever Russell was not blindly followed, there was a blindside.
Some would argue that I’m ignoring the twist of someone being ejected from a challenge. Ben Browning was thrown out of Schmergebrawl it’s true, but he was not the first. The majority of the Sook Jai tribe on “Survivor Thailand” was thrown out due to excessive violence on the pirating challenge. Probst just called it a first due to his wanting to forget “Survivor Thailand”.
Contrary to popular belief, this season also gave us the first “Probst-less” challenge. A cool novelty, but nothing really came of it.
Our next twist is the next medical evacuation, as well as the first time a challenge went unfinished. During a reward challenge for what would have been a double tribal council, Russell Swan collapsed from severe dehydration. The worst storm in the show’s history, which lasted for days on end, had prevented him from making fire and thus boiling water. However, he kept up his normal workload, and this did him in. This was a tragic moment, and as Russell Swan was the “Big Good” of the season, I consider it a low point.
Russell’s evacuation led to the picking of a new leader for Galu. Shambo was chosen in a popular vote, due to the majority alliance wanting a puppet to hold up the tribe. One of the few non-Russell-Hantz strategic moments on the season? Sign me up!
During this time, Russell Hantz went on his idol-finding run. Say what you will about the man, he had a knack for finding idols, and started the trend of people looking for idols before getting any clues. That he was successful three times speaks to his brilliance in this area. Just not in the area of social skills.
Eventually the merge came, with Foa Foa at the greatest deficit ever of 8-4. This in itself was pretty cool to see, but was ruined by the fact that this made the merge happen at 12 people. I’ve stated before that I hate this, and stand by it here. It’s just too many people to keep track of, in my opinion.
Still, the merge was to be the start of Russell Hantz’s blindside reign. He managed to make the single greatest comeback in “Survivor” history. First, he and Natalie (see, she did do stuff), convinced Galu to vote out the cocky, idol-bearing Erik. Then, though skillful hidden immunity idol and the flip of Shambo, Russell knocked out Kelly Sharbaugh and then Laura, earning him a majority all the way to the end. It was cool to see, but as after that the blindsides ended and I supported Galu, it was just painful to watch. Especially since it made Russell so cocky. Still, his finding of idols was impressive, as I’ve said.
It should also be noted here that this season also gave us the first ever post-merge double tribals. I’m not a fan of them. While it feels appropriate at the tribal phase (an eye for an eye, and all that), it just felt rushed post-merge. Admittedly, it did have the benefit of helping us get to the good stuff faster, plus seeding for Brett’s immunity run towards the end, but overall, it just felt wrong.
The final twist, and the best, is that Russell didn’t win. Natalie did, and deservedly. She made moves, she recognized that Russell was a divisive figure and latched onto him as an easy win at the end, and played socially very well. Natalie as a social player is underrated, and strategically, it was HER that took out Erik, helping give Foa Foa its majority. Plus, after episode upon episode of Russell’s cockiness, it was good to see him brought down. The look on his face after he was not declared the winner was PRICELESS.
A couple winners, when you look at the twists and not who was perpetrating them, and this season didn’t do a half-bad job. It even had a few little firsts, such as Jaison Robinson bidding $500 immediately at an auction for an immunity advantage, and John Fincher having to chose between a piece of pie for himself, and the rest of the pie for the tribe. Still, there were a number of flops, and when you consider who INITIATED those twists, they tend to drag.

Score: 6 out of 10.

OVERALL
The strongest of locations would have had a hard time compensating for the amount of Russell on this season. Samoa did not have that luxury. While the culture was somewhat unique (I particularly liked the design of the Tribal Immunity Idol), the season suffered from a great deal of Generic South Pacific Island. Again, not the worst case of it, but it does the season no favors.
One overriding theme of the season is overcoming chauvinism. The big players of the season were sexist to varying degrees, and this season had a shortage of strong women. I think it great, then, that the most quiet, demure woman triumphs over all these brash guys. Still, this does not change the fact that the cast overall was lackluster, Russell Hantz really ran the show, making everything very one-note. A cast needs to be more than one person, and when that person is Russell Hantz, you’re in trouble.
For once, it’s not so much that the season doesn’t come together. It very much does. The trouble is that when it comes together, all it has is Russell Hantz. And whatever innovations he brought, that’s a bad thing.
Score: 9 out of 40.

ABSTRACT
Whatever others will tell you, Samoa is an unpleasant season whose hype makes everything, even the underdog stories predictable. I would say avoid this one, but unfortunately, this season introduced a few new concepts and ideas that carry on into future seasons of “Survivor”. This makes this season essential if you want to understand future seasons, and while I hate to say it, it’s a must-watch. Just get it over with quickly, and then never watch it again.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Cagayan” Episode 6: Kontrolling Khaos

Yes, yes, I am well aware that both “Controlling” and “Chaos” are not spelled with a “K”. It was clever alliteration, given the central focus of this episode, as well as an homage to old 90’s cartoons, where everything cool was spelled with a “K”. Or, I should say, everything “Kewl” was spelled with a “K”. But I’m not here for a history lesson, I’m here to talk about “Survivor”, and as there’s a LOT to get to this episode, I should waste no more time, even though by simply mentioning it I am dragging out even longer, thereby denying my few readers what they came here for. Let this madness stop now, only to start right back up with the start of the episode.

For once, we have a fairly positive after-tribal experience, where everyone talks about how good Tribal Council went, and how the six of them are really truly united. Somewhat surprisingly, it’s Sarah, the person who has the LEAST reason to stick with the new Aparri, who brings up this line of thinking. Guess she must really want to be with them. She also prophetically brings up the “What if there’s a merge tomorrow?” possibility. There’s always one.

Dawn breaks, and we get what SHOULD be another reaffirming conversation on the new Aparri. Kass and Sarah have gone out to collect firewood it seems, but also to size up the tribe. Kass says that she’s most worried about two people flipping: Jeremiah and Sarah. Um, Kass, I agree that Sarah’s not as trustworthy as some (Kass’ point about one vote to save your skin meaning nothing was very poignant), but has it occurred to you that YOUR TALKING TO SARAH? It might therefore be prudent to maybe NOT show distrust to the person you’re talking to? The person you’re supposedly ALLIGNED with? Just a few friendly suggestions. I’m not letting Sarah off that easy, though. My criticism of her gameplay will come a bit later, but I will say on a personal level, I find her attitude towards her integrity overdramatic. Oh dear, someone accused you of being untrustworthy on “Survivor”, who would have guessed? I’m not saying it’s nice to hear those things, and I’m not saying she doesn’t have a point about Kass’ attitude towards her, but she acts like questioning her integrity is the worst thing anyone can do to her. Sarah, you’ve come on “Survivor”, your integrity is GOING to be questioned at some point. Things between the pair seem to be smoothed over with a handshake, but something tells me we haven’t seen the last of this conflict this episode. That something is called “I’m writing this blog after the episode has aired, so I already know what will come back this episode and what won’t.”

Solana is much more copasetic, simply partying until tree mail arrives telling them to pack their things, there’s a merge coming. A similar tree mail arrives at Aparri, though this one warns that company is coming. Spencer gives it his all to unify the six, which seems to work. Before long, the new Solana shows up at camp via what is called a “rowboat”, despite the obvious motor noises. They bring supplies, food, and nice new black buffs. There is also a note, explaining that a new cookie with “special powers” is in play, though what these special powers are is not specified, at least to the cast. The audience has known about them for a while. Basically, this cookie reverts back to how it originally worked on “Survivor Exile Island”, and “Survivor Cook Islands”, where it can be played after the votes have been read. We get stock phrases from people about how badly they want to find the cookie, and how it will change the game for them, blah, blah, blah. There are a lot better interviews to get to tonight, so I’ll skip over an in-depth analysis of people’s desires for the cookie for now.

I will, however, take this time to express my opinion on this particular hyped twist for the season, colloquially called the “Tyler Perry Idol”. Yes, I know they’re “cookies” this season, but as “Tyler Perry Idol” is a proper noun, it will be referred to as such. I’m fairly divided on the introduction of this new cookie. On the one hand, I think it’s an unexpected twist that will hopefully give rise to new strategies, and does, in a sense, fit in with the “Survivor” mythos. One could even argue, given that the cookie from Luzon never got used, that this is just a mutated form of that cookie. On the other, there’s a REASON that cookie usage was changed as of “Survivor Fiji”: it was far too powerful. It was basically a free ride to the finale for whoever found it, as everyone was too afraid to ever vote for the person holding it. Admittedly, this incarnation of it is probably not as bad, for the sole reason that it’s not on Exile Island this time. Until “Survivor Gabon” only alpha males got regularly sent to Exile Island, and so were the ones who found the cookies. This time, things are more even, but it still seems broken to me. As it didn’t really come into play this episode, I will reserve judgment on the wisdom of this twist until we see if people can overcome this cookie. I think it’s possible but we’ll see.

The new tribe is quickly agreed to be named Solarrion, a name which I cannot stand. If I haven’t said this before now, let me be clear that I HATE it when people just merge the names of the original tribes to form a new name (in this case SOLana, apARRI, and luzON). Look, the tribe names are given for a REASON, they usually mean something in the language of the region. In this particular case, I believe they refer to specific regions and cities in the Philippines. It does NOT make sense to mash them together. Also, could you be a BIT creative? I like to see what people come up with. No, this will NOT merit a “Top 5 and Bottom 5”, as while the name Solarrion is stupid, there are worse portmanteau names to be had. Don’t worry, though, there is a “Top 5 and Bottom 5” coming, you’ll get your extra long merge blog.

As they picnic, the new (shudder) Solarrion tribe sizes each other up. Jefra comments on her disappointment that Alexis was voted out, as she could have been swayed to join with the new Solana 5. Jefra, you do remember Jeremiah, right? That guy you considered flipping with? That guy you were close to? That guy who might flip back again if only you’d ask? No, we’re just not going to talk to him, and throw all our eggs in the “Sarah” basket? Ok, it’s your torch snuffing.

Tony, for once, is actually making sense, propositioning Sarah with the prospect of joining back up with him, adding Trish and Woo to the mix to make a solid foursome. Sarah says she’ll consider it, but when Tony asks her to swear on her badge, she refuses, as she’s still uncertain. This clearly shows how many scruples the pair have. Tony has absolutely no qualms about the whole “badge” thing, while Sarah takes it really seriously. Oh, and Sarah? This is a TERRIBLE way to play both sides of the fence. It’s bad enough you don’t stop bragging about it all through the episode, but in order for that strategy to work, you need to NOT waffle on what side you’re picking. That’s what got Dolly Neely (“Survivor Vanuatu”) voted out. I know the badge thing is important to you, but again, this is “Survivor”. Learn to play it a bit better.

Speaking of playing things wrongly, Sarah’s next move is to go chat with Kass and Jeremiah about what the whole side is going to do for Tribal Council. Sarah is adamant that either LJ or Tony, being the physical threats, have to go, but Kass and Jeremiah think that Trish and Jefra are the more appropriate targets, due to no one suspecting them, and therefore it is unlikely that either will be given the cookie at Tribal Council. Sarah counters that neither is a threat in challenges, are strategically useless, and they can be gotten rid of at any time. To bolster her argument, she swears up and down that Tony at least does not have an cookie, and she suspects LJ doesn’t either. This actually surprises me a little, as I would have thought Tony would have told Sarah about the cookie as incentive to flip. And if he didn’t, Sarah, how do you know he has no cookie? Did he tell you? Yes, and you can surely trust the guy who’d say anything to get you on his side to tell you the truth. Admittedly, Sarah’s main point is that they ought to go for Woo, which Kass and Jeremiah readily agree to, but they make the good point that Woo could win immunity. I’m sure this in NO WAY means that Woo will win immunity this challenge, no sir!

Oddly, JEREMIAH of all people is the one who questions this assertion, rightly guessing that since he doesn’t have the cookie, and Jefra and Morgan didn’t have the drive to look for it, LJ probably found it. As to where my strategic sympathies lie, I have to admit, I side with Kass and Jeremiah on this one. At this point in the game, for the new Aparri alliance, the one major factor that could ruin everything is the playing of an cookie. Kass and Jeremiah are right when they say that Jefra and Trish are the least likely people to get cookies. Also, as to Sarah’s “They can be got at any time.” argument, it is true. You say that about them at this Tribal council. And the next. And the next. And before you know it, that person who you could “Get out any time” is sitting in one of the top spots. It continually boggles me that people don’t start seeing the “Under the Radar” players as strategic threats come the merge, they’re really dangerous. What Sarah fails to realize is that there is more to the game than just eliminating the physical threats.

Even if I DID agree with Sarah’s choice of targets, I certainly wouldn’t agree with her attitude. I’ll admit that being the swing vote gives you a lot of power, and that it does entitle you to a certain amount of decision making power, but it does NOT give you the right to dictate the targets at Tribal, especially when you frame it as “I will not vote for persons X, Y, and Z.” That makes you seem untrustworthy to certain people in your alliance. Kass, for example. Incidentally, while my sympathies were with Sarah in the last conversation, due to the fact that Kass WAS basically saying that she personally could not trust Sarah, I fail to see how Kass was being a bully in this situation. It seemed like Kass was just trying to have a good strategic conversation, and Sarah got whiney and adamant when it didn’t go her way. Again, you have more control that others, Sarah, but at a certain point, you just have to go with the majority.

Speaking of Kass, the pair have a minor verbal altercation in front of the fire, overheard by Trish, who comments that it may be useful in breaking up the new Aparri Six. More on that later. In the meantime, Tasha is called in to moderate the rift between Kass and Sarah. Both state their side of the argument. Tasha tries to be impartial, but admits that she’s a little nicer towards Sarah, as it’s more important that she be kept happy. However, this inadvertently alienates Kass, who reads between the lines, and thinks that Sarah has replaced her in the hierarchy, which from what I have seen is not true. Kass complains that Sarah should not receive special treatment just because she’s the swing vote, but here I have to disagree with her. She needs to be kept happy (not to the degree that Sarah THINKS she should be kept happy, but kept happy nonetheless), and so you need to pander a little bit.

I suppose this is the time I should talk about Kass’ overall gameplay, as I think this episode, and this scene in particular, brought out both the good and the bad in Kass. I’ll get into what I thought of her move this episode after I summarize it, but her overall gameplay can be summed up here. I still like Kass and root for her. I think she has a lot going for her that people don’t give respect to. She’s a middle-aged woman (at this point), not particularly physically strong, on the losing side of the first vote, yet despite setbacks and lashings, mostly from Spencer, she’s kept going, and has shown to be a mental threat. One thing I really admire about Kass is that she makes very logical decisions most of the time. Apart from her decision to oust Garrett over J’Tia in the first episode, every decision she’s made has been well thought-out, and done for good strategic reasons. Where Kass’ gameplay falls short is that she’s a very literal, up-front person. She’s almost Vulcan-Like in her manner. When she says things like how Sarah may not be trustworthy to Sarah, she doesn’t mean them maliciously, she’s just explaining her strategic viewpoint. Unfortunately, Kass seems unable to turn it off, and so ends up saying things that offend others, or else put them on their guard, when it really shouldn’t. The other problem with this is that Kass expects others to do the same. Therefore, she can’t pick up on the subtext of Tasha’s mediating, and takes Tasha’s decision at face value. The hypocrisy here is that this upsets Kass, when she seems to think it shouldn’t upset others, but as these things go, it’s not that bad of a hypocrisy. Bad for the game, maybe, but not bad personally. Still, this limits Kass’ gameplay, and hopefully she’ll have learned from it next time she comes back. And trust me, she will come back after what happened this episode. Anyone who names themselves “Chaos Kass” and earns it basically guarantees themselves a spot in the “Survivor Hall of Infamy”.

Now we’re on to the first immunity challenge of the merge, the big one, the one that sets the tone for the whole… Yeah, it’s a reused challenge, and I’m not happy. Hailing from “Survivor Caramoan”, the point of this challenge is to stand over a triangular prism on increasingly small wooden slats, until you end up balancing on a beam at the top, last one standing wins. Look, I’m all for endurance challenges, but this one is unremarkable, particularly given how it ends, and I’m just not a fan of reusing challenges. If there is one good thing to be gleaned from this, it’s that we get to look at the new individual immunity idol. It’s not the best thing to come out of this season production-design-wise, but it looks pretty awesome, and fits in well enough.

Woo wins! Who would have guessed?

Back at the camp, we get what would normally be a dispersal of dramatic tension right off the bat. Sarah admits that after her waffling, she’s sticking with the new Aparri, because they’re weaker. Ok, I’m a casual fan of Sarah, but even I am appalled at how short-sighted and simplistic her gameplay is. Sarah, there is more to this game than physical strength. Still, she reaffirms this bond with the new Aparri, though not before pulling a Colton Cumbie (“Survivor One World”), and forcing everyone to vote for Tony, despite EVERYONE ELSE saying that Jefra is the better move. First J’Tia’s “Brandon Hantz” (“Survivor South Pacific”) tantrum, and now this? When did THESE GUYS become the paragons of strategy? Still, I can’t fault her strategy. While there are a few united fronts in the new Aparri, the new Solana is a strong 5. Going with them is suicide for the sixth. As I said, normally this would defuse the pre-Tribal tension, but I’m ok for three reasons: First, they kept it going all before the immunity challenge, which was just about when that story got old. It made the pre-challenge scenes exciting, and didn’t stay overlong. Second, it gave us the hilarious scene where she admitted to Tony that she was siding with the new Aparri (not in so many words, but even Tony can see the message), thus making Tony squirm with the shock of someone not obeying his every command. And thirdly, there is something else there to create new tension.

That something is Kass. In a brilliant move, Trish gets over her hatred of anyone not from Boston, and deigns to talk to Kass, casually asking her who she would like to vote out, regardless of tribal lines. Kass, still miffed at Sarah, gives Sarah’s name, and says she’ll consider voting with Trish and the gang. Trish runs to tell Tony, who swears he will use his idol anyway, just to be safe, which is probably a good move on his part.

What starts out as a fairly natural Tribal quickly becomes one of the most explosive gambit pile-ups ever seen! Going in, it looks like the targets are going to be Tony and Sarah, and Kass’ smart comment about how Tony and LJ ought to be scared as physical guys post-merge ought to be. But then it turns out that Tony will pull a Malcolm Freeberg (“Survivor Philippines”), and pull out his cookie. He smartly decides NOT to say who he’s playing it on, thus creating chaos amongst the new Aparri. But THEN it turns out they had a contingency plan for this, all agreeing to go for the “other guy”, while the new Solana says they’ll go for the “same guy”. So Probst has them vote. But THEN it turns out that Tony wasn’t playing his cookie on himself, but on LJ. But THEN it turns out that LJ also has an cookie, wants to share, and he’s reciprocating by playing his cookie on Tony. But THEN it turns out that the new Aparri wasn’t going for LJ at all, but Jefra. But THEN it turns out that Trish’s strategizing worked after all, and Kass flipped to vote off Sarah. But THEN it turns out that Probst was never really Jeff Probst at all, but really Old Man Smithers, that creepy janitor in the background of the early episode, DISGUISED as Jeff Probst so as to steal the CBS fortune!

Ok, perhaps that last part was actually an episode of “Scooby-Doo”, but it wouldn’t have surprised me. I’m usually not one to buy the hype whenever someone describes an upcoming Tribal Council as “shocking”, but this one takes the cake for me. It almost totally lives up to the hype. I say “almost” because once Jefra’s name came up, I knew Sarah was going. It’d been built up, and there’s no WAY someone this late in the game would be voted out with that little screentime. Still, before that the misdirection was phenomenal! This season just keeps topping itself, one great episode after another. While I would rather Jefra have gone over Sarah, I’m not too sorry to see her go. Given how she was hyped, this performance was just disappointing. Sarah’s strategy was basic at best, and I found her really annoying this episode.

Now, does this coupled with the fact that I am still a fan of Kass, and am pulling for her all the way, mean that I think Kass’ move was a good move? ABOSLUTELY NOT! This was a HORRIBLE move for Kass, and I’m very ashamed that she made it. Like I said, going with the Solana 5 is SUICIDE given how tight they are, and it pisses off pretty much everybody on the jury. You’ve moved from a spot where you were almost GUARANTEED the Final 3, to a place where you’re 6^th at best. This is clearly a detriment. I can’t believe Kass really felt she’d been replaced that easily, and I also don’t get why Tasha or somebody didn’t go up to Kass in private and reaffirm an alliance. I guess they felt they didn’t need to, and it makes me all the more ashamed that the person I root for was so easily mislead. Now, I could KIND OF understand the move if it looked like Sarah had all the power, and that Kass’ idea of voting off Jefra was ignored. But the thing was, THEY WENT WITH THE PLAN ANYWAY! AND BOTH IDOLS WERE PLAYED! HAD YOU STUCK WITH THE TEAM, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IN AN ENVIABLE POSITION! The only POSSIBLE logic I can see in this is if Kass didn’t understand who the “other guy” was, but even that’s a flimsy excuse. Some would argue, I’m sure, that if Kass wanted a chance at actually winning, she had to get rid of Spencer and Tasha at some point, as their games are more up front and likeable than hers, to which I say that I agree, but do that later, when the new Solana is more fragmented, and you can sweep up a few stragglers.

The one good thing to come out of this move is more wit from Kass. Spencer makes a comment about how Kass can no longer win the game, and I’m proud to say that she doesn’t cave to this, and instead responds ‘That’s a long way away.” implying that she’s going to keep trying her hardest to win despite the odds. Given how similar these comments are to Jim Rice’s (“Survivor South Pacific”) after Cochran’s flip, I’m proud that she weathered them well, and like her response. May she’s better even than I am, and can pull out something that’ll get her to win. Still, my hopes are not high, and so I begin counting the seasons to another “All-Star” one, where after tonight, Kass will most CERTAINLY be invited back, hopefully wiser.

Oh, and since I’m sure that many people will bring up Cochran’s flip on “Survivor South Pacific” for comparison and evidence that Kass’ flip was a bad idea, let me just say this now: YES, Kass’ flip was a bad idea, but NO, the comparison to Cochran’s flip is not there, and YES, I still maintain that Cochran’s flip was entirely justified. The difference here is that on “Survivor South Pacific”, Cochran’s ENTIRE TRIBE admitted they neither liked him, nor trusted him. Cochran had nowhere to go, his chances were equally as good, if not better, with the Upolu who PROBABLY wouldn’t let him near the finals, versus the Savaii, who DEFINITELY wouldn’t let him near the finals! How is this different from Kass’ situation, you may ask? Well, whereas Cochran had FIVE people against him, Kass only had ONE person against her, whatever she may have perceived, as well as a solid threesome with herself, Tasha, and Spencer. I like Kass, but I really can’t justify this one.

Still, this season has been dry of:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5

So let’s have another one, shall we? The topic of this one is Tribal Councils, meaning the event and not the place this time, as I think this one merits a spot. Three points of note here: I’ll just be listing the season of a tribal council, and describing which one I mean, as giving the episode number is, I feel, not helpful enough. Secondly, first and final Tribal Councils are out, but anything else is fair game. Finally, as my bottom five would just be unmemorable tribal councils if I played this straight, the bottom five will be devoted to crazy tribal councils I didn’t enjoy. With that said, let’s get down to business… uh oh… urge to quote rising… can’t… control… TO DEFEAT! THE HUNS!

 

TOP 5

5. “Survivor Gabon”: Now, one of the things I love about “Survivor Gabon” is that it had a lot of GREAT Tribal Councils, so it’s hard for me to pick just one that I love. However, if forced to choose, I would have to go with the last Tribal Council before the merge, the one where Marcus was voted out. Ken Hoang is one of my favorite contestants of all time (bring him back, CBS), his only flaw being cockiness, but to be fair, he EARNED his cockiness with this Tribal Council. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was stacked against Ken, yet he somehow managed to turn it around and remove one of the power players of the game. It gets put this low only because while this one was personally exciting, I’m not sure how well it generalizes to other people. Plus, there are a LOT of good Tribal Councils coming up, like this next one, for instance.

4. “Survivor Palau”: You all know where I’m going with this. The last Tribal Council of the season that was not the final one certainly wins points for being unique. Due to an overlong final immunity challenge, Tribal Council was held right then and there at the challenge. Not a particularly exciting one, as we all knew that Ian was getting voted out, and for very schmaltzy reasons, but it was a new event, and fun to watch for it.

3. “Survivor Caramoan”: Like “Survivor Gabon”, this season has a lot of great Tribal to choose from. I’m probably taking the obvious choice here, but the Tribal where Malcolm busted out two hidden immunity cookies to save himself and his ally Eddie really takes the, um, cookie. Watching everyone scramble around right in front of the minority alliance was fascinating to watch, just a lot of fun in general, and led to a lot of smart commenting, Erik’s noting that showing the idol does not mean playing the idol being a stroke of genius. Above all, I’m happy with the outcome, that being the exit of Phillip “Special Agent?” Sheppard.

2. “Survivor Cagayan”: Yes, even a really recent Tribal Council can rank this high. Like I said, this one had gambit on top of gambit, and while I’m not as satisfied with the outcome as I am with the one from “Survivor Caramoan”, this one just had too many crazy strategies and unexpected moves to get anything lower than two. But what could beat it.

1. “Survivor Micronesia”: This Tribal Council is one of the reasons “Survivor Micronesia” is my favorite season. Nobody but nobody expected Erik to give up immunity. Just when you thought the stupidity was over for the season, this was the coup de gras. I remember my jaw just hanging open for a good five minutes after it happened, something that, while the most recent Tribal Council made an admirable effort, cannot be topped. It’s just too crazy.

Honorable Mention: “Survivor All-Stars”: Not many of you may have seen this one, but there’s a deleted scene from the first episode of the season where the Chapera Tribe pretends to be Saboga attending the first Tribal Council. It headlines Rob Cesternino (“Survivor The Amazon”) as Jeff Probst, and it is simply HILARIOUS! I can’t put it on the list proper because it isn’t a “real” tribal council, per se, but it still deserves mentioning. If you find it on Youtube, give it a watch. It’s short, entertaining, and well worth your time.

 

BOTTOM 5

5. “Survivor Borneo”: Ah yes, the first real “twist” Tribal Council the show ever had. Taking place right after the merge, crew, fan, and generally every-with-a-heart favorite Gretchen Cordy was voted out, leading to tears from several. Well, if it was so moving and memorable, why the bottom of the list? Actually, I didn’t find this Tribal Council all that memorable for either good or bad, but many remember it as the day the game changed, and that deserves some credit. Given that, even with me, those memories tend to be somewhat negative, as Gretchen was voted out for purely strategic reasons, when everyone agrees she should have won above anyone, this has to go on the bottom of the list, though really more for others than for myself.

4. “Survivor South Pacific”: In a parallel to tonight’s Tribal Council, we get to once again mention the infamous Tribal Council where Cochran flipped. While I admit I respected the move more on this one than I did for tonight’s, the fallout from both is what determined where they fell on the list. And while Cochran’s move was crazy and exciting, the amount of ire he earned from his fellow castaways just made it unpleasant to watch, and still makes me feel a little sick just thinking about it. Good move or not, Cochran did NOT earn that tongue lashing he got from Savaii afterward.

3. “Survivor Samoa”: This is the Tribal Council where Foa Foa took control, the one where Russell played an idol so that the Kelly that no one remembers was voted out. While a surprise to all (due to Shambo’s flip, and the surprise idol play), and certainly exciting and pivotal in the game, I don’t like this one. While surprising, it was not as exciting due to sort of being engineered (i.e. from an idol play rather than strategizing with others), and frankly, I supported Galu, so it was a shame to see them crumble like that.

2. “Survivor One World”: If there’s any move more stupid than giving up immunity… No, wait, there’s NOTHING more stupid than giving up immunity, and giving it up at the tribal phase is PARTICULARLY stupid. I’ve talked a lot about why this move and this council stink, so I’ll just keep it short and sweet here. I really don’t like this Tribal Council, and it would be number one but for the technicality that Bill’s exit was not exactly “memorable”. Not so for our number one spot though.

1. “Survivor Nicaragua”: Yes, it takes two people in good game positions quitting for virtually no reason to make an awful Tribal Council. While I stand behind my opinion that “Survivor Nicaragua” had several good features that were often overlooked, I have to admit, this REALLY drags it down. It just felt wrong, had all the fans who would have loved to have played screaming in agony, it was just unpleasant. And the sad thing is, it was so unpleasant it became memorable, and will probably never leave, to my great regret.

Honorable Mention: “Survivor Pearl Islands”: Another season with many memorable Tribal Councils, but this is the first quit, specifically Osten’s quit right before the merge. Again, like the one from “Survivor Nicaragua”, it’s just painful to remember a quit. It gets an honorable mention basically because it was first, and that made it fascinating and slightly endearing in some ways. Still, a quit is a quit. It’s not fun, and needs to be acknowledged as such.

Well, that’s about it. Here’s to hoping Kass can pull off a miracle.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Philippines” Episode 6: Sign on the Dotted Line

“Survivor” universe, if, in my writings, I’ve done something to greatly offend you, or set you against me in any way, I apologize.  I’m not sure what I could have done.  For all my jokes, for all my criticisms, I do have the utmost respect for you, which I try to show in every possible way.  So why is it, whenever I praise anything about you, you must then go and completely reverse that praise in the next episode?

I’m talking of course about the challenges, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  Our episode starts at Kalabaw, where we get usual complaining about Tribal Council.  Katie is particularly vocal, which is understandable.  She is, after all, bottom of the pecking order.  She’s next to go, unless she does something about it.  Most pageant girls on the show would try to flirt their way out of this situation, or else be falsely optimistic about their chances.  I’ll give Katie credit that she sets herself apart from these others by actively and vocally arguing for her right to stay.  Specifically, she argues to Denise that Penner is far too large a threat to take to the merge, and they should cut him off before he gets them.  Fairly typical of your average strategist, but hardly a bad start to the show.

Do we get Denise’s take on this?  Of course not, that would be far too interesting!

It seems that discord not only exists at Kalabaw.  In an odd parallel to “Survivor The Australian Outback” (odd because Skupin was evacuated at that point), Tandang is running low on rice, having eaten too much of it beforehand.  Most attribute this to Mike snacking on uncooked rice (evidently, one never stops being a “student of nutrition”), and roundly bash him for it.  Still, this makes the stakes of the upcoming reward challenge all the more important for Tandang.  Tribes compete for a day away from camp with sandwiches and chips.  Not a rich feast by modern standards, but probably a five-course smorgasboard to the starving.

The challenge, sadly, does not reflect the reward in terms of goodness.  Yes, no sooner have I praised this season for having original challenges, then they go and give us a rehashed challenge.  This one comes to us courtesy of “Survivor China”.  A giant ball is placed in the middle of a mud pit, and tribes race to push the ball into their goal.  Each goal is worth one point, first tribe to hit 3 points wins reward.  While not the worst challenge to draw from (and, unlike the immunity challenge, hasn’t been done several times before), I have to say, I prefer the China iteration.  For one thing, that challenge had not one, but two, balls, released in a very epic manner, as opposed to one ball just sitting there.  This leant an element of strategy that seemed to be lacking in this challenge.  Furthermore, I prefer the aesthetic in the China version.  The balls and goals were actually interesting, whereas the goals in this one were little more than colored sticks, and the ball looked like a colored version of the world’s biggest rubber band ball (which I believe is in Kansas.  Hey Probst!  Start plugging it!).

Fortunately, even a recycled challenge can be given a new shine by the right player and circumstances.  Penner is the right player, and this challenge is the right circumstance.  In the first round, Kalabaw and Tandang reach a stalemate (Kalabaw having the edge initially, but wearing out over time), leading to what I believe is the first time lapse in a non-endurance challenge (at least within a round).  The two stick it out for an hour, each trying various tactics to move the ball.  Penner even goes between Skupin’s legs to try and get the ball.  Finally, with everyone exhausted, Penner does something that is, actually unprecedented.  He makes the “Next Time On…” teaser actually correct!

No, seriously, Loan Shark Penner proposes that wearing each other out is wasted energy, and draws up a contract that says Tandang gets all of Kalabaw’s rice, but Kalabaw wins the reward challenge.  There’s a lot of back and forth, and dissent on both sides.  Skupin wants to agree with the deal, while Artis is vehemently against it.  Meanwhile, Carter expresses Kalabaw’s doubts, but Jeff Kent seems on board.  Ultimately, the returnees get their way, Kalabaw wins reward, and Tnadang makes up some of their rice deficit.  I have to admit, this made the challenge much more interesting, and I give Penner credit for trying something new.  It is my duty to point out, though, that the deal he made was really STUPID!  You don’t get much of a satisfaction in the victory, and while the food will give you energy in the short run, in the long run, it’s going to be harder to get food, you’ll lose energy, and be the worse for wear.

Several people on Kalabaw seem to figure this out over the reward, but it doesn’t seem to get them down, which is a good sign.  Often in this game, morale can play a bigger role than actual physical energy.  If that’s the case, then Tandang is in trouble, because even getting more rice, they find reason to complain.  Artis wishes he could be included in the decision, while Abi-Maria is muffed that their rice has only doubled, not tripled or quadrupled.  I will say that that is the one benefit for Kalabaw in the deal: they didn’t have more rice than Tandang to begin with.  Ok, Abi-Maria, I know your hopes were high, but this way you’re twice as far from starvation, be happy with THAT!

Kalabaw’s boast that they could fish for energy is put to the test the next morning, when Penner tries his hand.  He takes a few unsuccessful stabs at a stingray, before it flees.  Penner heads out to the ocean to try for regular fish, while his tribe rightly laments their lack of rice.  In a very funny moment, dramatic music plays over shots of Penner and large schools of fish.  Penner comes back… with two guppies… which they don’t even bother to cook.  Yeah, I’d rethink that boast, Penner.  Seriously man, what is wrong with your game, you’re making gaffe after gaffe!

Challenge Time!  And of course, it’s a challenge that’s been recycled several times over.  Two tribe members (one from each tribe) simultaneously launch a ball to 4 other members with nets waiting in a field.  Each ball caught is a point, first to five points wins.  This challenge has experienced a number of small rule changes over the years, but the base template has been in place since “Survivor Thailand”.  Again, like the reward challenge this episode, it’s not a bad challenge in and of itself, but the aesthetic for this one is equally boring, and I’m just tired of seeing it.

The one thing this challenge has going for it is that it’s closer than most, though Tandang manages to score a narrow victory, largely due to Malcolm.  So the game is on back at Kalabaw, and, as Katie has performed the most pathetically overall, and she’s on the outside, she seems a dead certainty to leave.  You’d think our misdirection would come from Katie’s continued efforts to oust Penner, but surprisingly, it’s Jeff Kent who proves to be the catalyst.  He informs us that his mind still isn’t made up about whether or not to trust Penner, despite having gone against his original plan and aligned with Penner.  Dude, before you were going on about how a five-finger handshake meant so much to you, now you’re saying it doesn’t matter, make up your mind.  Carter is willing to go along with the plan, but isn’t fully on board.  Get your history books ready because not only does Carter speak, but he actually says something intelligent to boot!  He talks about how getting rid of Penner is a bad idea, which makes sense.  While I admit that trust is an issue in this game, Penner hasn’t played much of a conniver this game, plus he’s more physical, and has the idol.  The idol could be seen as a problem, rather than an asset, but at this point, the odds are on that Kalabaw will be down in numbers come the merge (they’d need to not lose another immunity challenge, and merge at 8 at the earliest), the idol is a handy card to have to try and change your situation.

Of course, my pipe dreams can’t last.  Carter undoes his smarts, by asking Penner who he wants to vote out, Katie or Penner.  Penner doesn’t jump all over them, instead quietly pressuring the two to reconsider.  After doing a quick cover up in front of Katie (which I thought was good, but she sees through), Katie then gets to work on Jeff and Carter, trying to sway them her way.  Again, good for her taking her fate into her own hands, but my odds are still on her leaving tonight

Tribal Council is your standard affair, so I won’t go into the specifics.  I will give props, though, that it did get me tense about who was going home, no small feat.  My predictions turn out true, though, and Katie goes home.  While I won’t miss her too desperately, I also don’t hate her like I do some early boots, and so allow her to respectfully leave.

While this episode is probably the weakest of the season, do I hate it?  Actually, no.  While it was predictable at points, it did get me excited and uncertain for the results, and was stronger as a whole than a lot of what we’ve been getting these past few seasons.  Still, let’s hope that next week sets the bar back up to normal for what is so far an otherwise great season.

Still, I feel that I haven’t given you your expected content for this week, and I also feel that I need to address a debate.  After the disbanding of Matsing last week, people have been debating whether or not Matsing is the most pathetic tribe to ever be in the game.  As such, I will weigh in with my trademark:

 

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5

Today’s topic, as you might guess, is pathetic tribes.  I will say that for me, the patheticness of a tribe is not based so much in the amount of challenges lost, but in how much the tribe bands together through hardship.  To me, a tribe that wins a lot and breaks down is a lot more pathetic than a tribe that loses a lot and sticks together (I’m looking at you, Foa Foa of “Survivor Samoa”).  As such, Matsing will not appear on this list anywhere, as Malcolm and Denise are still loyal to each other, as far as I can tell.  As a final note of clarification, I’ll say that the “Top” section is that of tribes I consider most pathetic, and the “Bottom” section the one’s that stuck together the most.  Now, without further ado, here’s your list!

 

TOP 5

5. Sook Jai, “Survivor Thailand”: This one might seem an odd choice, given that they were a challenge dominator early on their season, and also stuck together post-merge.  I justify this, partly by putting them at the bottom of the list, and by a certain statistic I happen to know: Sook Jai holds the record for the longest stretch of tribe members voted out, with 7 out of 8 members going over a stretch of 25 days.  That’s pretty pathetic.  Moreover, this streak could have been avoided had they not thrown a challenge just to be rid of someone annoying, and throwing a challenge for no adequate reason is a good way to land you on this list (hint, hint).

4. Samburu, “Survivor Africa”: Probably the original dysfunctional family of “Survivor”, Samburru was plagued early on by a very stark division between the young and the old, (and, in the case of Brandon and Frank, the homosexual and the homophobe), and could not get over infighting that led to their destruction come the switching of tribes.  Even worse, when Boran started to cannibalize itself post merge, they couldn’t pull together to take their revenge.  I go into detail on this in my “Survivor Africa” retrospective, so I won’t say any more here, but I think my point is clear.

3. Fang, “Survivor Gabon”: Staying on the continent of Africa, we find the Fang tribe.  Much though Ken Hoang is one of my favorite castaways ever, this tribe just had a bad start.  They had no direction, no drive, a ton of quitters and pathetic players, and are generally considered a train wreck of a tribe overall.  Surprisingly, in terms of original members, Fang won a majority overall come the merge.  Even then, they just couldn’t get along, with Bob Crowley, the only person to stay purely Kota the entire time, taking home the victory.

2. Manono, “Survivor One World”: A lot of this is retrospect, but much like Fang, the Manono men were never really united, and quite ready to cannibalize each other, even at the expense of a whole game strategy.  And lest we forget, this is the tribe that gave us Colton, who, like Sook Jai, forced a vote for no adequate reason.  I consider this case worse because, whereas Sook Jai just had a case of COLLECTIVE stupidity, Colton FORCED his stupidity on the entire tribe.  I’m not sure exactly WHY that’s worse, but it is.

1. Ulong, “Survivor Palau”: Yeah, you all saw this coming.  While you can debate the merits of tribe victory vs. tribe unity, there’s no denying that, whatever measure you use, Ulong still comes out behing.  They are the second-losingest tribe in the history of the show, winning only three challenges.  Like Fang, they could not get their act together, refusing to choose a leader or take any sort of direction.  Ask anyone, they’ll tell you that it was disunity that led to Ulong’s destruction, and to their number 1 spot on this list.

Honorable Mention: Ravu, “Suvivor Fiji”: To appease all those who want number of challenge losses to play a bigger part in this list, I give you what I consider to be the losingest tribe in “Survivor” history, winning only one challenge of over a dozen.  While technically Matsing lost more challenges, they also participated in fewer, which in my book dilutes their losses.  Now, Ravu didn’t exactly stick together as a unit, but I can’t really say that they were dysfunctional due to the success of power couple Earl and Yau-Man, as well as the fact that tribes were too thoroughly shuffled to lead to clear distinctions between tribes.

 

BOTTOM 5

 

5. Casaya, “Survivor Exile Island”: While Shane’s boast that they’d be the “first tribe to stick together through to the end” is a bit overdramatic and optimistic, it cannot be denied that, while Casaya had a fair amount of infighting, they stuck together through and through, even in the face of interpersonal conflicts.  I put them so low only because I wonder what would have happened had not Terry gone on his winning streak.  This might have gotten kingpin Aras voted out, and changed the entire game.  Moreover, there were several subplots within the tribe that might have blossomed had it not been for, again, Terry’s winning streak.

4. Chapera, “Survivor All-Stars”: The Mogo Mogo tribe’s frustration at their inability to break the Chapera alliance says it all.  While some might call this tribe a dictatorship, and thereby discount it, it cannot be denied that all member of Chapera stuck together, even to their undoing.  Even Boston Rob was screwed over, due to his loyalty to Amber.

3. Aitu, “Survivor Cook Islands”: If fire represents one’s life in the game, then fire-forged friends must be the best kind for the show.  Aitu was unfortunately t in a bad situation, where two tribe members defected, leaving them at only 4 members. Most would have slumped over and cried, but Aitu, bravely, forged onward, and not only stuck together through everything, but came back to take home victory.  That, plus a winning streak towards the end of the tribe challenges, earns them this number 3 spot.

2. Koror, “Survivor Palau”: I promise this will be the only repeat season.  Much like Chapera, this was a tribe, run by an alpha male, that had every opportunity to take him out, and thus ensure their own victory, yet never did.  Moreover, if you want to go by challenges won, they’re far and away the winningest tribe (Moto of “Survivor Fiji” excluded), and did so at a physical DISADVANTAGE.  Whatever I say about Palau, the awesomeness of the Koror tribe cannot be discounted.

1. Kucha, “Survivor The Australian Outback”: Yet another example of “fire-forged friends”.  I think this is the only time in “Survivor” history, post-merge, that a tribe has never once gone against another member, even to save their own skin.  This can be due to the aforementioned fire, specifically the one Mike Skupin fell into.  His last wish before he left was for Kucha to stick together, and they took his words to heart.  So, for such loyalty, Kucha is the least pathetic tribe to ever appear on the show.  Now, watch Mike Skupin brag about it for the next 12 years.

Honorable Mention: Ometepe, “Survivor Redemption Island”: Sort of along the same lines as Chapera (even with the same dictator), but this one I feel would really have fallen apart if not tightly controlled.  Plus, I don’t like saying good things about “Survivor Redemption Island”.  What an awful, awful season.

Well there you have it, enough content to last you the week!  Hope you enjoyed it, and see you next time!

-Matt