“Survivor” What-Ifs?: Samoa

Come on in, guys!  And welcome back to “Survivor What-Ifs”, where we make one little change in a given season of “Survivor”, to see how it impacts the rest of “Survivor” history.  And oh boy, what a season we have to consider today.  “Survivor Samoa” is arguably the most divisive season of the show, largely due to the fact that it could be more aptly titled “The Russell Hantz Show”.  “Survivor” is no stranger to having a “big character” of the season.  One could argue that Rupert took on a similar role for “Survivor Pearl Islands”, or Boston Rob in “Survivor Redemption Island” if we look to the future at this point.  

Samoa is a bit special, though, in that Russell takes up SO much screen time, he effectively pushes out anyone else who might want character bits or a story arc.  To put it in perspective, Russell has somewhere in the ballpark of four times the number of confessionals OF THE WINNER!  Yeah, dude was a bit of a screen hog, or just made into one by the editors.  Hence, the division.  If you, like a lot of the audience then and now, enjoyed Russell’s character on the show, having a season devoted to him was an interesting diversion, making for a distinctive season.  If you, like me, found Russell to be incredibly flawed as a player, and found that his schtick got old after about one episode, this season really has nothing else for you, and was at best a chore to get through.  So, let’s see if we can change that, shall we?  Can we make one little change that can make this season more palatable to everyone, Russell fans and Russell haters alike?  

Before we get into that, though, a couple of bits of business.  First, to give credit where credit is due, this particular idea for a “What-If?” did not come from me.  Instead, the inspiration came from YouTube channel “Once Upon An Island”, which does “Survivor”-related videos.  Recently, they did a history of people who got medically evacuated off the show, and if you remember “Survivor Samoa”, you can already see where this is going.  Still, since I wouldn’t have thought of this were it not for the video, I feel I need to acknowledge it here.  Moreover, though, be aware that this blog will contain SPOILERS, both for this season and future seasons, since we need to be reminded of our baseline before we talk about how a change would work.  Without further ado, though, let us change history.  

THE IMPACT

As you may have guessed from the lead-in, our change today concerns Russell.  No, not Russell Hantz, the OTHER Russell of this season, one Russell Swan.  Arguably the only character to actually get some note on the show other than the eponymous Hantz, Russell Swan was the leader of Galu, though perhaps most famous for his medical evacuation late in the pre-merge.  Possibly the most dramatic in the history of the show, Russell Swan worked himself through the rain to keep the camp orderly, but then just could not handle the challenge in this episode, leading to his scary collapse in the middle of doing a maze.  As a side note, this episode has a vivid personal memory for me.  I was in High School at the time, and well-known as the “Survivor” guy.  A girl in my theatre department had a family that was majorly into “Survivor”, but she herself had never watched it.  She was finally convinced to give it a try… In the episode where Russell Swan nearly dies.  Understandably, she was freaked out, and never watched the show again, for which I cannot blame her.  

Now, I initially would not have thought of a possible change for this scenario.  The only thing I could see being done to avoid it would be for Russell to not work in the rain, a change to his personality so drastic that it would violate my own rules for what makes an acceptable change to talk about.  The video mentioned above, however, reminded me of another, more plausible change.  I did not remember that Galu tried to get Russell to sit out, only for him to say that he was good to go, and they dropped the subject.  This is possibly because I try my hardest to forget that “Survivor Samoa” exists on a regular basis.  

But what if Galu didn’t drop the subject?  What if they insisted that they could tell Russell wasn’t doing well, and insist that he sit out such a low-stakes challenge.  Some may disagree, given his portrayal on “Survivor Philippines”, but I think Russell caves here.  The man could be stubborn, and could have a “my way or the highway” attitude, but he could back down in the face of a majority.  You’ll note that he had gone along with the plan to vote out Yasmin a few episodes before, in spite of the fact that he didn’t agree with the decision.  So the man clearly CAN give in to the will of his tribe.  In this timeline, the will of his tribe is that he sit out, and so he does.  

Going on with how it changes this episode, the winner of this challenge really is a moot point, since it was set to be a double Tribal Council prior to Russell’s collapse.  If you must know, though, I would guess that Foa Foa wins without Russell playing in the challenge.  With the possible exception of Dave Ball, none of the sit-outs would have made much of a difference, and Foa Foa did have a slight lead in the challenge even in our timeline.  With no medical evacuation, the Double Tribal Council takes place as planned.  As in our timeline, Foa Foa votes out Liz Kim, but Galu is a bit trickier, since in our timeline, we don’t get a lot of their internal tribe dynamics, due to only going to Tribal Council once.  That said, I think the best bet is that Shambo gets voted out at this juncture, if Tribal Council goes forward.  The tribe wasn’t overly fond of her already, she had already been to the Foa Foa camp and developed bonds there a couple of times at this point, plus she was the only person not to vote for Yasmin at Galu’s first Tribal Council.  

THE FALLOUT

So what happens now?  In the short term, Russell Swan gets better.  One major factor in his evacuation in our timeline was the fact that there were several straight days of bad weather in a row.  After the episode in our timeline where Russell collapses, the weather improves, thus allowing the rest of Galu to pick up the slack and let Russell get some rest.  So, in this timeline, Mike Borassi is the only medical casualty of “Survivor Samoa”.  Predicting the merge, however, is much tricker, largely due to an internal production decision that, as far as I know, we will never know the truth about.  You see, in our timeline, we had one more immunity challenge pre-merge.  However, it’s not clear if this decision was made due to the medical evacuation canceling the planned Double Tribal Council, or if this was always in the cards, and the merge was planned for the Final 11 instead of the Final 12.  Honestly, either one seems plausible to me, and there’s evidence for both options (the number of days played at this point make it seem like there was always another immunity challenge planned, but the odd number of players and start of the jury at Final 12 indicate a merge in the same episode).  

Ultimately, though, it probably doesn’t matter.  Even in the best-case scenario for Foa Foa, where the merge happens immediately after the Double Tribal Council, they’re still down 8-4.  Similar to out timeline, but now Russell Swan, rather than Shambo, is in the merge.  And that, dear readers, makes all the difference.  

The absence of Shambo, and the presence of Russell Swan, basically kills what little chance Foa Foa has of repeating the comeback they make in our timeline in this timeline.  There’s three major factors that lead to this conclusion.  Firstly, with no Shambo at the merge, there’s also no Shambo to flip to Foa Foa as soon as it hits.  Yes, even with Shamboo’s flip, Foa Foa was still down 7-5, but clever idol plays and a narrower majority put Galu in much more peril than they are in this timeline.  Second, there’s Russell Swan as a uniting factor.  The man has his flaws as a “leader”, there’s no doubt about it, but when it came to bringing the tribe together against a common enemy, the man knew how to do his job.  Look at how they devolved into infighting after his evacuation in our timeline.  A united Galu front, rather than a fractured one as we saw in our timeline, is hard to overcome.  It’s true that hidden immunity idols are a factor here, and for all of Russell Hantz’s many, MANY flaws in his game, the man is good at finding hidden immunity idols, which could give Foa Foa more of an edge.  That said, this feels like the sort of trick that only works once.  Maybe at the merge, Russell out-predicts Galu, and sends one of them home.  Galu doesn’t let that happen again, and pulls the “Edgardo Maneuver” from “Survivor Fiji”, voting for a member of Foa Foa no one expects, and Foa Foa is screwed once again.  

Really, though, the big factor is that this time, the votes are out of their system.  It’s an interesting pattern on “Survivor”, but for whatever reason, tribes that only attend one or fewer Tribal Councils tend to vote for one of their own immediately after the merge.  From Koror on “Survivor Palau” to Bayon on “Survivor Cambodia”, if you largely avoid Tribal Council pre-merge, you’re more than likely going to turn on one of your own come the merge.  Granted, this pattern is more prevalent in seasons with only two tribes, but as “Survivor Samoa” is one such season, the point stands.  Even in our timeline, despite losing two members, Galu only went to one Tribal Council, and they turned on each other at the merge.  The reasons for this pattern are varied, but I hypothesize that people get irritating, and all you think about is voting them off to the point where you jump the gun once you have the opportunity.  Galu going to just ONE MORE Tribal Council helps clear up those internal divisions, and unite the tribe.  From there it’s just a numbers game.  Barring someone from Foa Foa going on an immunity streak a la Brett in our timeline, or them playing their hidden immunity idols PERFECTLY, someone from Galu wins in this timeline.  The factors are too many to say who it would be with any degree of confidence, but that the winner is an original Galu, I can say with confidence.  

THE LEGACY

A Galu victory naturally changes the way the entire season of “Survivor Samoa” is edited.  Don’t misunderstand, Russell Hantz is still a big name, if only for his aptitude and finding hidden immunity idols without clues, before such things were common.  But without leading his tribe back from the brink to victory, Russell isn’t the only game in town.  He has to share screen time with a bunch of the Galus, so they get more character development.  A necessary change, as this season is untimely just a boring Pagonging in this timeline.  

Surprisingly, the season that probably changes the LEAST as a result of this new timeline is “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”.  Russell Hantz, despite not being as legendary in this timeline, still revolutionized the finding of idols, and had already talked about “Russell Seeds” and sabotaging his tribe before our timeline change.  We in our timeline might be inclined to say they bring back Russell Swan on the Heroes Tribe, since he saved Galu from collapsing.  However, remember that we only know that because of OUR timeline.  In this timeline, the destruction of Foa Foa seems inevitable, and while Russell is well-regarded, particularly in comparison to Mick on Foa Foa, he’s not legendary enough for such a season.  I’m sure he comes back at some point, just probably more in the area of a “Survivor Game Changers” than “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”.  The only possible change is that Russell Hantz is MAYBE more humble in this timeline with the knowledge that he definitively did NOT win his season, but I doubt it.  With the rivalry between himself and Boston Rob still intact, “Survivor Redemption Island” remains unchanged, along with the “Russell-proofing” of idols, and Russell’s impact on “Survivor” History as a whole.  

The cast makeups of some future seasons are hard to determine without knowing who the winner is, though I’d imagine we get more returnees from Samoa in general due to it no longer just being “The Russell Hantz Show”.  Some characters on Galu, like Erik and Dave, get more screen time, and I could see them or another member of Galu coming back on something like a “Survivor Game Changers”, or even “Survivor Caramoan”.  Monica, however, probably fares worse than she does in our timeline.  Without even the flimsy “She put fear into Russell Hantz” justification that she got in our timeline, I doubt Monica is up for “Survivor Cambodia”, or if she is, she’s not voted in.  Now, you might be inclined to replace her with another young, attractive woman from the show.  Someone like Baylor from “Survivor San Juan del Sur” could take her place.  However, I’ll go out on a limb and say that T-Bird from “Survivor Africa” gets on instead.  Yes, T-Bird is a completely different archetype, and was in the vote in our timeline and still lost, but so help me, I want T-Bird to return, and I’m still salty she didn’t win the vote in our timeline.  Just let me have this, ok?

Of course, no medical evacuation for Russell Swan makes him ineligible to return on “Survivor Philippines”, meaning he’s replaced with their original plan… *shudder* Colton Cumbie of “Survivor One World”.  Yeah, I don’t even have to go into the details of how that would change the season to know it’s a change for the worse.  

“Survivor Winners at War” is really the only other major returnee season to discuss here, and again, without knowing the winner, we can’t really say if they’d be on or not.  If the winner was one of the bigger characters of Samoa, like the aforementioned Dave or Erik, yeah, they probably get on.  If it’s someone less exciting, like John Fincher or Kelly Sharbaugh, perhaps not.  As to whether a John Fincher win prevents him and Parvati Shallow from marrying, there’s just no way  to know.  

So, once again, to the ultimate question: Does this change make the season better?  Ehh… If I’m being objective, it really doesn’t.  Even as someone who loathes “Survivor Samoa”, I have to admit that it’s memorable.  Lopsided in the edit, and centered around an annoying egomaniac whose voice has become like sandpaper in my brain, yes, but memorable.  But as mentioned earlier, without the Foa Foa turnaround, the season is ultimately a predictable Pagonging by the tribe that was obviously going to dominate, with only a few interesting characters to be found.  In the end, I suppose it’s better to be polarizing than to be forgettable, and in that sense, yes, this change is a change for the worse.  Sorry, Russell Swan!  

And that about covers the major changes that result from Russell Swan not being medically evacuated.  Of course, with 20 years of “Survivor” History to go through, there’s a lot more changes to discuss, and I want to hear what you want discussed!  Leave a comment on this blog, or wherever it’s posted, of what timeline changes you’d like to see me discuss next!  To help, the guidelines for what sorts of changes I’m willing to examine are below:  

1. One Change Only: This can’t be a whole bunch of things or multiple things going another way to alter the course of a season.  This must be one singular event that alters the season in some way.  Cascade effects, where one change naturally leads to another, are ok, but they have to be natural and logical.  As an example, Shii-Ann not flipping and Chuay Gahn losing the final 10 immunity challenge on “Survivor Thailand” would definitely change things, but those are two independent changes that need to happen, and therefore not appropriate for this blog.  I should also mention that the change has to be an EVENT, not a play style.  Yes, “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” probably goes much differently if Russell Hantz (“Survivor Samoa”) isn’t an asshole to everyone, but apart from that never happening, it’s a change in overall play style, not a single moment.  It’s also, as I say, implausible, which leads to my next ground rule…

2. The Change Must Be Realistic: An unlikely change is ok, but it has to be something that COULD have happened, or it’s not worth writing about.  Yes, Fang winning the first immunity challenge on “Survivor Gabon” would drastically change the season.  Would it ever happen?  No.  So there’s no point in writing about it.  

3. The Change Must Have An Impact: By this, I mean the change has to actually alter the season in some significant way.  Simply changing up the boot order is not enough.  Someone new has to win, the perception of the season has to change, or both.  As an example, I originally planned to do a blog on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, with a timeline where Candice didn’t flip at the final 9.  I thought this could lead to a Heroes victory.  Then I remembered that Russell Hantz plays his idol in that same episode, meaning the flip most likely doesn’t matter, and apart from a slight boot order change, the season as a whole remains untouched.  Uninteresting, and therefore not worth talking about.  

In addition to these hard-and-fast guidelines, there are two what I call “Flexible Guidelines”.  As the name would imply, these rules can be bent with a compelling arguments, but they are two things that should be borne in mind when suggesting new situations to examine:

4. US Seasons Only: This is nothing against international seasons of “Survivor”.  From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, they can be quite good.  The trouble is, as a citizen on the US, the US version of “Survivor” is the one I’m most familiar with, know the most about, and have seen the most of.  I haven’t even seen a full international season of “Survivor”, just the occasional clip.  Nothing knocking them, of course.  I just haven’t gotten around to viewing them.  So, while I won’t outright ban the suggesting of changes from non-US seasons of “Survivor”, bear in mind that I’m unlikely to pick them due to a lack of knowledge and lack of time to catch up on the seasons.  

5. I Will Not Do Brandon Flipping At The Africa Final 9: A flip by Brandon Quinton at the Final 9 of “Survivor Africa”, voting out Lex instead of Kelly, would indeed fit all the criteria mentioned above.  I’m refusing this particular scenario, not because it isn’t interesting or worth talking about, but because it was already covered by Mario Lanza in his book “When it Was Worth Playing For”.  He covered it so well and so thoroughly that I don’t think I would have anything to add.  I’m willing to consider this scenario if someone can give me a compelling reason that Mario is wrong, or there’s some aspect he didn’t consider, but until that time, this scenario is out.  Other “Survivor Africa” scenarios are ok, though.

Hope everyone is doing well, and getting vaccinated!

-Matt

Survivor Retrospectives: Samoa

Well, folks, this is where it starts. You’ve heard about the “Survivor” great downward spiral. This is where it begins. Strangely, I put it a lot earlier than most, so let’s take a look at why Samoa seemed at the time to be the beginning of the end.
However, it should be noted that this review will contain spoilers. Those who want to know my opinions on the season, but don’t want to know the specific events that inform my opinion, can scroll to the bottom of the page, where I will have an “Abstract” section that will briefly summarize my opinion on the watchability of the season in a spoiler-free manner. Oh, boy, this is going to suck, so let’s jump right into the season.

CAST
Samoa’s cast is very unique, and not in a good way. There’s been a variety of casts thus far in “Survivor” history, and while the quality varies widely in those season, you can usually count on at least 3 or 4 interesting people to a season. Samoa did not have that. Samoa had Russell Hantz, and if the marketing was to believed, no one else.
In fairness, it’s pretty easy to see why marketing would latch onto Russell as a cash cow. A big time strategist who was good at finding idols, Russell would have made good tv just for that. But Russell had to go farther than this. He had an ego that rivaled even Richard Hatch’s (“Survivor Borneo”), and could turn out cocky soundbytes with the best of players. He even had a few deeds to back it up, managing to overcome a 2-1 deficit for his Foa Foa tribe come the merge (they lost all but one immunity challenge). Yes, I have no quarrel in a sense with them centering the season around Russell, as he made it so easy. What I DO have a problem with is making him the ONLY thing to watch on the season.
In an odd twist, Samoa seems to have been cast with only Russell in mind. So many non-entities, so many bland people, so many sheep who would just kowtow to Russell that they may as well not even have been there. Apart from getting old very fast, this meant there was no break from the Russell, no reprieve from the supposed new “mastermind”. And make no mistake, while I do acknowledge Russell’s accomplishments, he is no mastermind. In fact, he’s so inflexible that I’d go so far as to call him one of the DUMBEST players ever. While it would become much more evident in his later seasons, Samoa still showed that while Russell was incredibly good at finding hidden immunity idols and calling the bluffs of others/finding their weaknesses to make them flip, he was completely ignorant of the social aspect of the game. Russell bullied, Russell put down others, and worst of all in my mind, Russell was INCREDIBLY chauvinistic. His first alliance was dubbed, by him, the “Dumbass Girl Alliance”. That does not sit well with me, and did not sit well with the audience either. Compounding the problem, Russell even refused to acknowledge that he MIGHT need to be nice to people, insisting that he deserved the win on merit alone. Rather than take responsibility for the one part of the game he DIDN’T do well on, Russell chose to ignore it altogether. People praise many of his moves (which I’ll get to in the “Twist” section), but I maintain that for all his good strategizing, Russell’s ignoring of the social aspect of the game makes him a bad player, and perhaps even does an injustice to the game as a whole.
Here we see the crux of the problem with having only Russell to support the cast: he was a polarizing player. Again, this makes him good tv, but with any polarizing player, about half the audience is going to dislike him, and with no one to fall back on or challenge Russell, this means you lose about half your cast. Moreover, Russell’s hype and ego really wore thin as the show went on, largely due to the fact that while Richard Hatch’s ego was tempered by a lot of self-deprecating humor, Russell seemed to really believe the narcissistic confessionals he was putting out. For me, he wasn’t pleasant to watch, and there being no recourse from him made it all the worse. Bottom line, while his dynamic nature made him good tv, he was polarizing, wore thin, and hinging an entire season on him was not the way to make a successful season.
Ok, ok, I suppose if you want to get TECHNICAL, Russell wasn’t the only person Samoa had to hinge on at the time. Notably, his rival from Galu Russell Swan was remembered, though mostly due to the twists he was involved in which will, of course, be taken up in the “Twist” section. In any case, he was a nice guy, if a bit of a bumbling leader. Swan I actually like, but he was out fairly early, and that really just left us with Hantz. Russell Hantz’s other rival, late in the merge, was one Brett Clouser, a t-shirt designer who decided to go on a winning streak late in the season, that made him the only foil to Russell. It failed. While Brett seemed a very nice guy, he was such a non-entity for the majority of the season that he kind of fell flat later, and didn’t have any sort of strategy, and so just didn’t work. Shannon “Shambo” Waters, the mullet-sporting ex-Marine was occasionally delightfully crazy, but mostly came off as whiny and entitled, milking the “my tribe picked on me” card for too long. Laura Morrett had the potential for strategy, and had a nice immunity run early after the merge, but was too mean-spirited, and shoved aside too much for Russell Hantz. Here was the FIRST person who maybe had potential outside of Russell, and she barely got any screentime. Not a good business model. Finally, there’s eventual winner Natalie White, who falls into a similar category as Brett. She ended up a foil to Russell, but only because she was nice at the end, and had almost no impact on the season as a whole. She, Laura, and Russell Swan are the only people talked about outside of Russell Hantz, and with the exception of Natalie, only for their performance on later seasons, or their manner of exit. As to Natalie, despite being nice, she’s usually talked about negatively, seen as costing Russell his richly deserved win. I don’t agree with this, but we’ll get to that in the “Twist” section.
Even now, Russell Hantz dominates the conversation, and that’s not a good thing, as especially late in the season, everyone else just wasn’t there. As I said, other people are talked about, but usually for things outside of the season itself. Taking the season on its own, there’s just Russell, and that’s not ideal. Take, for comparison, “Survivor The Amazon”. Yes, in a lot of ways it was mainly the “Rob Cesternino Show”, but it was backed up with a good supporting cast for if and when Rob got annoying, as well as giving Rob a few foils. One person does not a cast make, what few supports existed were lackluster at best, there’s just no salvaging the cast of Samoa.

Score: 1 out of 10.

CHALLENGES
At the outset, it seemed like Samoa would have good challenges. Not a lot of puzzle emphasis, but that’s ok sometimes. A lot of epic, very physical competitions, but perhaps too much so, due to the number of injuries on the season (again, wait for the “Twist” section). Apart from that, the seemed to lose something right around the merge. Competitions started becoming more home-grown, more board game like than before. Put it this way, this was the season that gave us bowling. BOWLING. On “Survivor”. No. No, that’s not how you do challenges. Not trying to knock the pre-merge competitions, those were still awesome, but the post-merge game really drags everything down. Stronger than the cast, but that’s not saying much. Still, points need to be given for the coconut “Ker=Plunk!” challenge towards the end, that was pretty fun to see.

Score: 4 out of 10.

TWISTS
One thing I’ll say about a cast with Russell on it, there’s no shortage of twists. This, and not Russell himself, are what really hold up the season and again, they’re stronger than Russell, but that’s not saying much. Let’s take a look.
Starting things off, this season decided to have each tribe formally pick a leader without any information. Not a bad concept, but awfully similar to what they’d just done on “Survivor Tocantins”, only you’re looking for positive first impressions rather than negative first impressions. On top of that, I hate the concept of a formal “Leader” on a tribe in “Survivor”. It didn’t work for the Morgan tribe on “Survivor Pearl Islands”. I remain unconvinced it will work for others. This leader would make many important decisions over the game, starting with which three tribe members would participate in the challenge, and this is how they would be judged. Russell Swan was chosen for Galu, and while he was an effective motivator, he made a few stupid decisions in his time, notably taking pillows and blankets rather than a tarp for one reward to “take care of the ladies” (chauvinism was just a major theme of the season). Still, he was better than his counterpart on Foa Foa: Mick Trimming. The man so bland Wonder Bread makes fun of him. He was basically neutered by Russell Hantz, who made all the real decisions. Plus, Russell controlled the tribe by dumping their supplies at night. While it was amazing to see anyone go there, it felt unpleasant and wrong. But we’ll talk more about Russell later. As to Mick, like I said, a non-entity. Still, the one decision he did make, who to put in the opening challenge, paid off, in that Foa Foa won.
This would not be a trend that lasted. While not quite as pathetic as the Ulong Tribe from “Survivor Palau”, Foa Foa was abysmal in challenges, winning precisely one immunity challenge the entire time. Like with “Survivor Gabon” seeing one tribe get decimated wasn’t nearly as fun the third time around, though for once it lead to a great bit after the merge.
This season eliminated Exile Island, instead option to do a variation on the “kidnapping” twist from “Survivor China”. Now the winning tribe sent someone to the losing tribe to hang around. The person sent had a note that told the location of their own tribe’s hidden immunity idol. While I admire the show for not sticking to what had become formula, this twist never really worked for me. Some interesting cross-tribal strategizing went on (it’s what got Shambo to flip), but it just never clicked like Exile Island did, mostly due to the hidden immunity idols getting found without clues. On top of that, it was the death of Exile Island as a twist, and I was sorry to see it go. As such, I can’t get behind this twist too much.
Episode two also saw the first of two medical emergencies. During a violent basketball-style game called Schmergenbrawl, Foa Foa Player Mike Borassi began to have trouble breathing. As such he was pulled from the game. Sorry to see him go, but he hadn’t made a huge impact. A fun fact, though, is that he was originally going to be on “Survivor Tocantins” in place of Spencer Duhm, and was only pulled at the last minute for sleep apnea. This was also the point where Russell started his blindsides. I won’t be covering the pre-merge ones, just due to the sheer number and lack of reason to each, but let’s just say that wherever Russell was not blindly followed, there was a blindside.
Some would argue that I’m ignoring the twist of someone being ejected from a challenge. Ben Browning was thrown out of Schmergebrawl it’s true, but he was not the first. The majority of the Sook Jai tribe on “Survivor Thailand” was thrown out due to excessive violence on the pirating challenge. Probst just called it a first due to his wanting to forget “Survivor Thailand”.
Contrary to popular belief, this season also gave us the first “Probst-less” challenge. A cool novelty, but nothing really came of it.
Our next twist is the next medical evacuation, as well as the first time a challenge went unfinished. During a reward challenge for what would have been a double tribal council, Russell Swan collapsed from severe dehydration. The worst storm in the show’s history, which lasted for days on end, had prevented him from making fire and thus boiling water. However, he kept up his normal workload, and this did him in. This was a tragic moment, and as Russell Swan was the “Big Good” of the season, I consider it a low point.
Russell’s evacuation led to the picking of a new leader for Galu. Shambo was chosen in a popular vote, due to the majority alliance wanting a puppet to hold up the tribe. One of the few non-Russell-Hantz strategic moments on the season? Sign me up!
During this time, Russell Hantz went on his idol-finding run. Say what you will about the man, he had a knack for finding idols, and started the trend of people looking for idols before getting any clues. That he was successful three times speaks to his brilliance in this area. Just not in the area of social skills.
Eventually the merge came, with Foa Foa at the greatest deficit ever of 8-4. This in itself was pretty cool to see, but was ruined by the fact that this made the merge happen at 12 people. I’ve stated before that I hate this, and stand by it here. It’s just too many people to keep track of, in my opinion.
Still, the merge was to be the start of Russell Hantz’s blindside reign. He managed to make the single greatest comeback in “Survivor” history. First, he and Natalie (see, she did do stuff), convinced Galu to vote out the cocky, idol-bearing Erik. Then, though skillful hidden immunity idol and the flip of Shambo, Russell knocked out Kelly Sharbaugh and then Laura, earning him a majority all the way to the end. It was cool to see, but as after that the blindsides ended and I supported Galu, it was just painful to watch. Especially since it made Russell so cocky. Still, his finding of idols was impressive, as I’ve said.
It should also be noted here that this season also gave us the first ever post-merge double tribals. I’m not a fan of them. While it feels appropriate at the tribal phase (an eye for an eye, and all that), it just felt rushed post-merge. Admittedly, it did have the benefit of helping us get to the good stuff faster, plus seeding for Brett’s immunity run towards the end, but overall, it just felt wrong.
The final twist, and the best, is that Russell didn’t win. Natalie did, and deservedly. She made moves, she recognized that Russell was a divisive figure and latched onto him as an easy win at the end, and played socially very well. Natalie as a social player is underrated, and strategically, it was HER that took out Erik, helping give Foa Foa its majority. Plus, after episode upon episode of Russell’s cockiness, it was good to see him brought down. The look on his face after he was not declared the winner was PRICELESS.
A couple winners, when you look at the twists and not who was perpetrating them, and this season didn’t do a half-bad job. It even had a few little firsts, such as Jaison Robinson bidding $500 immediately at an auction for an immunity advantage, and John Fincher having to chose between a piece of pie for himself, and the rest of the pie for the tribe. Still, there were a number of flops, and when you consider who INITIATED those twists, they tend to drag.

Score: 6 out of 10.

OVERALL
The strongest of locations would have had a hard time compensating for the amount of Russell on this season. Samoa did not have that luxury. While the culture was somewhat unique (I particularly liked the design of the Tribal Immunity Idol), the season suffered from a great deal of Generic South Pacific Island. Again, not the worst case of it, but it does the season no favors.
One overriding theme of the season is overcoming chauvinism. The big players of the season were sexist to varying degrees, and this season had a shortage of strong women. I think it great, then, that the most quiet, demure woman triumphs over all these brash guys. Still, this does not change the fact that the cast overall was lackluster, Russell Hantz really ran the show, making everything very one-note. A cast needs to be more than one person, and when that person is Russell Hantz, you’re in trouble.
For once, it’s not so much that the season doesn’t come together. It very much does. The trouble is that when it comes together, all it has is Russell Hantz. And whatever innovations he brought, that’s a bad thing.
Score: 9 out of 40.

ABSTRACT
Whatever others will tell you, Samoa is an unpleasant season whose hype makes everything, even the underdog stories predictable. I would say avoid this one, but unfortunately, this season introduced a few new concepts and ideas that carry on into future seasons of “Survivor”. This makes this season essential if you want to understand future seasons, and while I hate to say it, it’s a must-watch. Just get it over with quickly, and then never watch it again.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Cagayan” Episode 6: Kontrolling Khaos

Yes, yes, I am well aware that both “Controlling” and “Chaos” are not spelled with a “K”. It was clever alliteration, given the central focus of this episode, as well as an homage to old 90’s cartoons, where everything cool was spelled with a “K”. Or, I should say, everything “Kewl” was spelled with a “K”. But I’m not here for a history lesson, I’m here to talk about “Survivor”, and as there’s a LOT to get to this episode, I should waste no more time, even though by simply mentioning it I am dragging out even longer, thereby denying my few readers what they came here for. Let this madness stop now, only to start right back up with the start of the episode.

For once, we have a fairly positive after-tribal experience, where everyone talks about how good Tribal Council went, and how the six of them are really truly united. Somewhat surprisingly, it’s Sarah, the person who has the LEAST reason to stick with the new Aparri, who brings up this line of thinking. Guess she must really want to be with them. She also prophetically brings up the “What if there’s a merge tomorrow?” possibility. There’s always one.

Dawn breaks, and we get what SHOULD be another reaffirming conversation on the new Aparri. Kass and Sarah have gone out to collect firewood it seems, but also to size up the tribe. Kass says that she’s most worried about two people flipping: Jeremiah and Sarah. Um, Kass, I agree that Sarah’s not as trustworthy as some (Kass’ point about one vote to save your skin meaning nothing was very poignant), but has it occurred to you that YOUR TALKING TO SARAH? It might therefore be prudent to maybe NOT show distrust to the person you’re talking to? The person you’re supposedly ALLIGNED with? Just a few friendly suggestions. I’m not letting Sarah off that easy, though. My criticism of her gameplay will come a bit later, but I will say on a personal level, I find her attitude towards her integrity overdramatic. Oh dear, someone accused you of being untrustworthy on “Survivor”, who would have guessed? I’m not saying it’s nice to hear those things, and I’m not saying she doesn’t have a point about Kass’ attitude towards her, but she acts like questioning her integrity is the worst thing anyone can do to her. Sarah, you’ve come on “Survivor”, your integrity is GOING to be questioned at some point. Things between the pair seem to be smoothed over with a handshake, but something tells me we haven’t seen the last of this conflict this episode. That something is called “I’m writing this blog after the episode has aired, so I already know what will come back this episode and what won’t.”

Solana is much more copasetic, simply partying until tree mail arrives telling them to pack their things, there’s a merge coming. A similar tree mail arrives at Aparri, though this one warns that company is coming. Spencer gives it his all to unify the six, which seems to work. Before long, the new Solana shows up at camp via what is called a “rowboat”, despite the obvious motor noises. They bring supplies, food, and nice new black buffs. There is also a note, explaining that a new cookie with “special powers” is in play, though what these special powers are is not specified, at least to the cast. The audience has known about them for a while. Basically, this cookie reverts back to how it originally worked on “Survivor Exile Island”, and “Survivor Cook Islands”, where it can be played after the votes have been read. We get stock phrases from people about how badly they want to find the cookie, and how it will change the game for them, blah, blah, blah. There are a lot better interviews to get to tonight, so I’ll skip over an in-depth analysis of people’s desires for the cookie for now.

I will, however, take this time to express my opinion on this particular hyped twist for the season, colloquially called the “Tyler Perry Idol”. Yes, I know they’re “cookies” this season, but as “Tyler Perry Idol” is a proper noun, it will be referred to as such. I’m fairly divided on the introduction of this new cookie. On the one hand, I think it’s an unexpected twist that will hopefully give rise to new strategies, and does, in a sense, fit in with the “Survivor” mythos. One could even argue, given that the cookie from Luzon never got used, that this is just a mutated form of that cookie. On the other, there’s a REASON that cookie usage was changed as of “Survivor Fiji”: it was far too powerful. It was basically a free ride to the finale for whoever found it, as everyone was too afraid to ever vote for the person holding it. Admittedly, this incarnation of it is probably not as bad, for the sole reason that it’s not on Exile Island this time. Until “Survivor Gabon” only alpha males got regularly sent to Exile Island, and so were the ones who found the cookies. This time, things are more even, but it still seems broken to me. As it didn’t really come into play this episode, I will reserve judgment on the wisdom of this twist until we see if people can overcome this cookie. I think it’s possible but we’ll see.

The new tribe is quickly agreed to be named Solarrion, a name which I cannot stand. If I haven’t said this before now, let me be clear that I HATE it when people just merge the names of the original tribes to form a new name (in this case SOLana, apARRI, and luzON). Look, the tribe names are given for a REASON, they usually mean something in the language of the region. In this particular case, I believe they refer to specific regions and cities in the Philippines. It does NOT make sense to mash them together. Also, could you be a BIT creative? I like to see what people come up with. No, this will NOT merit a “Top 5 and Bottom 5”, as while the name Solarrion is stupid, there are worse portmanteau names to be had. Don’t worry, though, there is a “Top 5 and Bottom 5” coming, you’ll get your extra long merge blog.

As they picnic, the new (shudder) Solarrion tribe sizes each other up. Jefra comments on her disappointment that Alexis was voted out, as she could have been swayed to join with the new Solana 5. Jefra, you do remember Jeremiah, right? That guy you considered flipping with? That guy you were close to? That guy who might flip back again if only you’d ask? No, we’re just not going to talk to him, and throw all our eggs in the “Sarah” basket? Ok, it’s your torch snuffing.

Tony, for once, is actually making sense, propositioning Sarah with the prospect of joining back up with him, adding Trish and Woo to the mix to make a solid foursome. Sarah says she’ll consider it, but when Tony asks her to swear on her badge, she refuses, as she’s still uncertain. This clearly shows how many scruples the pair have. Tony has absolutely no qualms about the whole “badge” thing, while Sarah takes it really seriously. Oh, and Sarah? This is a TERRIBLE way to play both sides of the fence. It’s bad enough you don’t stop bragging about it all through the episode, but in order for that strategy to work, you need to NOT waffle on what side you’re picking. That’s what got Dolly Neely (“Survivor Vanuatu”) voted out. I know the badge thing is important to you, but again, this is “Survivor”. Learn to play it a bit better.

Speaking of playing things wrongly, Sarah’s next move is to go chat with Kass and Jeremiah about what the whole side is going to do for Tribal Council. Sarah is adamant that either LJ or Tony, being the physical threats, have to go, but Kass and Jeremiah think that Trish and Jefra are the more appropriate targets, due to no one suspecting them, and therefore it is unlikely that either will be given the cookie at Tribal Council. Sarah counters that neither is a threat in challenges, are strategically useless, and they can be gotten rid of at any time. To bolster her argument, she swears up and down that Tony at least does not have an cookie, and she suspects LJ doesn’t either. This actually surprises me a little, as I would have thought Tony would have told Sarah about the cookie as incentive to flip. And if he didn’t, Sarah, how do you know he has no cookie? Did he tell you? Yes, and you can surely trust the guy who’d say anything to get you on his side to tell you the truth. Admittedly, Sarah’s main point is that they ought to go for Woo, which Kass and Jeremiah readily agree to, but they make the good point that Woo could win immunity. I’m sure this in NO WAY means that Woo will win immunity this challenge, no sir!

Oddly, JEREMIAH of all people is the one who questions this assertion, rightly guessing that since he doesn’t have the cookie, and Jefra and Morgan didn’t have the drive to look for it, LJ probably found it. As to where my strategic sympathies lie, I have to admit, I side with Kass and Jeremiah on this one. At this point in the game, for the new Aparri alliance, the one major factor that could ruin everything is the playing of an cookie. Kass and Jeremiah are right when they say that Jefra and Trish are the least likely people to get cookies. Also, as to Sarah’s “They can be got at any time.” argument, it is true. You say that about them at this Tribal council. And the next. And the next. And before you know it, that person who you could “Get out any time” is sitting in one of the top spots. It continually boggles me that people don’t start seeing the “Under the Radar” players as strategic threats come the merge, they’re really dangerous. What Sarah fails to realize is that there is more to the game than just eliminating the physical threats.

Even if I DID agree with Sarah’s choice of targets, I certainly wouldn’t agree with her attitude. I’ll admit that being the swing vote gives you a lot of power, and that it does entitle you to a certain amount of decision making power, but it does NOT give you the right to dictate the targets at Tribal, especially when you frame it as “I will not vote for persons X, Y, and Z.” That makes you seem untrustworthy to certain people in your alliance. Kass, for example. Incidentally, while my sympathies were with Sarah in the last conversation, due to the fact that Kass WAS basically saying that she personally could not trust Sarah, I fail to see how Kass was being a bully in this situation. It seemed like Kass was just trying to have a good strategic conversation, and Sarah got whiney and adamant when it didn’t go her way. Again, you have more control that others, Sarah, but at a certain point, you just have to go with the majority.

Speaking of Kass, the pair have a minor verbal altercation in front of the fire, overheard by Trish, who comments that it may be useful in breaking up the new Aparri Six. More on that later. In the meantime, Tasha is called in to moderate the rift between Kass and Sarah. Both state their side of the argument. Tasha tries to be impartial, but admits that she’s a little nicer towards Sarah, as it’s more important that she be kept happy. However, this inadvertently alienates Kass, who reads between the lines, and thinks that Sarah has replaced her in the hierarchy, which from what I have seen is not true. Kass complains that Sarah should not receive special treatment just because she’s the swing vote, but here I have to disagree with her. She needs to be kept happy (not to the degree that Sarah THINKS she should be kept happy, but kept happy nonetheless), and so you need to pander a little bit.

I suppose this is the time I should talk about Kass’ overall gameplay, as I think this episode, and this scene in particular, brought out both the good and the bad in Kass. I’ll get into what I thought of her move this episode after I summarize it, but her overall gameplay can be summed up here. I still like Kass and root for her. I think she has a lot going for her that people don’t give respect to. She’s a middle-aged woman (at this point), not particularly physically strong, on the losing side of the first vote, yet despite setbacks and lashings, mostly from Spencer, she’s kept going, and has shown to be a mental threat. One thing I really admire about Kass is that she makes very logical decisions most of the time. Apart from her decision to oust Garrett over J’Tia in the first episode, every decision she’s made has been well thought-out, and done for good strategic reasons. Where Kass’ gameplay falls short is that she’s a very literal, up-front person. She’s almost Vulcan-Like in her manner. When she says things like how Sarah may not be trustworthy to Sarah, she doesn’t mean them maliciously, she’s just explaining her strategic viewpoint. Unfortunately, Kass seems unable to turn it off, and so ends up saying things that offend others, or else put them on their guard, when it really shouldn’t. The other problem with this is that Kass expects others to do the same. Therefore, she can’t pick up on the subtext of Tasha’s mediating, and takes Tasha’s decision at face value. The hypocrisy here is that this upsets Kass, when she seems to think it shouldn’t upset others, but as these things go, it’s not that bad of a hypocrisy. Bad for the game, maybe, but not bad personally. Still, this limits Kass’ gameplay, and hopefully she’ll have learned from it next time she comes back. And trust me, she will come back after what happened this episode. Anyone who names themselves “Chaos Kass” and earns it basically guarantees themselves a spot in the “Survivor Hall of Infamy”.

Now we’re on to the first immunity challenge of the merge, the big one, the one that sets the tone for the whole… Yeah, it’s a reused challenge, and I’m not happy. Hailing from “Survivor Caramoan”, the point of this challenge is to stand over a triangular prism on increasingly small wooden slats, until you end up balancing on a beam at the top, last one standing wins. Look, I’m all for endurance challenges, but this one is unremarkable, particularly given how it ends, and I’m just not a fan of reusing challenges. If there is one good thing to be gleaned from this, it’s that we get to look at the new individual immunity idol. It’s not the best thing to come out of this season production-design-wise, but it looks pretty awesome, and fits in well enough.

Woo wins! Who would have guessed?

Back at the camp, we get what would normally be a dispersal of dramatic tension right off the bat. Sarah admits that after her waffling, she’s sticking with the new Aparri, because they’re weaker. Ok, I’m a casual fan of Sarah, but even I am appalled at how short-sighted and simplistic her gameplay is. Sarah, there is more to this game than physical strength. Still, she reaffirms this bond with the new Aparri, though not before pulling a Colton Cumbie (“Survivor One World”), and forcing everyone to vote for Tony, despite EVERYONE ELSE saying that Jefra is the better move. First J’Tia’s “Brandon Hantz” (“Survivor South Pacific”) tantrum, and now this? When did THESE GUYS become the paragons of strategy? Still, I can’t fault her strategy. While there are a few united fronts in the new Aparri, the new Solana is a strong 5. Going with them is suicide for the sixth. As I said, normally this would defuse the pre-Tribal tension, but I’m ok for three reasons: First, they kept it going all before the immunity challenge, which was just about when that story got old. It made the pre-challenge scenes exciting, and didn’t stay overlong. Second, it gave us the hilarious scene where she admitted to Tony that she was siding with the new Aparri (not in so many words, but even Tony can see the message), thus making Tony squirm with the shock of someone not obeying his every command. And thirdly, there is something else there to create new tension.

That something is Kass. In a brilliant move, Trish gets over her hatred of anyone not from Boston, and deigns to talk to Kass, casually asking her who she would like to vote out, regardless of tribal lines. Kass, still miffed at Sarah, gives Sarah’s name, and says she’ll consider voting with Trish and the gang. Trish runs to tell Tony, who swears he will use his idol anyway, just to be safe, which is probably a good move on his part.

What starts out as a fairly natural Tribal quickly becomes one of the most explosive gambit pile-ups ever seen! Going in, it looks like the targets are going to be Tony and Sarah, and Kass’ smart comment about how Tony and LJ ought to be scared as physical guys post-merge ought to be. But then it turns out that Tony will pull a Malcolm Freeberg (“Survivor Philippines”), and pull out his cookie. He smartly decides NOT to say who he’s playing it on, thus creating chaos amongst the new Aparri. But THEN it turns out they had a contingency plan for this, all agreeing to go for the “other guy”, while the new Solana says they’ll go for the “same guy”. So Probst has them vote. But THEN it turns out that Tony wasn’t playing his cookie on himself, but on LJ. But THEN it turns out that LJ also has an cookie, wants to share, and he’s reciprocating by playing his cookie on Tony. But THEN it turns out that the new Aparri wasn’t going for LJ at all, but Jefra. But THEN it turns out that Trish’s strategizing worked after all, and Kass flipped to vote off Sarah. But THEN it turns out that Probst was never really Jeff Probst at all, but really Old Man Smithers, that creepy janitor in the background of the early episode, DISGUISED as Jeff Probst so as to steal the CBS fortune!

Ok, perhaps that last part was actually an episode of “Scooby-Doo”, but it wouldn’t have surprised me. I’m usually not one to buy the hype whenever someone describes an upcoming Tribal Council as “shocking”, but this one takes the cake for me. It almost totally lives up to the hype. I say “almost” because once Jefra’s name came up, I knew Sarah was going. It’d been built up, and there’s no WAY someone this late in the game would be voted out with that little screentime. Still, before that the misdirection was phenomenal! This season just keeps topping itself, one great episode after another. While I would rather Jefra have gone over Sarah, I’m not too sorry to see her go. Given how she was hyped, this performance was just disappointing. Sarah’s strategy was basic at best, and I found her really annoying this episode.

Now, does this coupled with the fact that I am still a fan of Kass, and am pulling for her all the way, mean that I think Kass’ move was a good move? ABOSLUTELY NOT! This was a HORRIBLE move for Kass, and I’m very ashamed that she made it. Like I said, going with the Solana 5 is SUICIDE given how tight they are, and it pisses off pretty much everybody on the jury. You’ve moved from a spot where you were almost GUARANTEED the Final 3, to a place where you’re 6^th at best. This is clearly a detriment. I can’t believe Kass really felt she’d been replaced that easily, and I also don’t get why Tasha or somebody didn’t go up to Kass in private and reaffirm an alliance. I guess they felt they didn’t need to, and it makes me all the more ashamed that the person I root for was so easily mislead. Now, I could KIND OF understand the move if it looked like Sarah had all the power, and that Kass’ idea of voting off Jefra was ignored. But the thing was, THEY WENT WITH THE PLAN ANYWAY! AND BOTH IDOLS WERE PLAYED! HAD YOU STUCK WITH THE TEAM, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IN AN ENVIABLE POSITION! The only POSSIBLE logic I can see in this is if Kass didn’t understand who the “other guy” was, but even that’s a flimsy excuse. Some would argue, I’m sure, that if Kass wanted a chance at actually winning, she had to get rid of Spencer and Tasha at some point, as their games are more up front and likeable than hers, to which I say that I agree, but do that later, when the new Solana is more fragmented, and you can sweep up a few stragglers.

The one good thing to come out of this move is more wit from Kass. Spencer makes a comment about how Kass can no longer win the game, and I’m proud to say that she doesn’t cave to this, and instead responds ‘That’s a long way away.” implying that she’s going to keep trying her hardest to win despite the odds. Given how similar these comments are to Jim Rice’s (“Survivor South Pacific”) after Cochran’s flip, I’m proud that she weathered them well, and like her response. May she’s better even than I am, and can pull out something that’ll get her to win. Still, my hopes are not high, and so I begin counting the seasons to another “All-Star” one, where after tonight, Kass will most CERTAINLY be invited back, hopefully wiser.

Oh, and since I’m sure that many people will bring up Cochran’s flip on “Survivor South Pacific” for comparison and evidence that Kass’ flip was a bad idea, let me just say this now: YES, Kass’ flip was a bad idea, but NO, the comparison to Cochran’s flip is not there, and YES, I still maintain that Cochran’s flip was entirely justified. The difference here is that on “Survivor South Pacific”, Cochran’s ENTIRE TRIBE admitted they neither liked him, nor trusted him. Cochran had nowhere to go, his chances were equally as good, if not better, with the Upolu who PROBABLY wouldn’t let him near the finals, versus the Savaii, who DEFINITELY wouldn’t let him near the finals! How is this different from Kass’ situation, you may ask? Well, whereas Cochran had FIVE people against him, Kass only had ONE person against her, whatever she may have perceived, as well as a solid threesome with herself, Tasha, and Spencer. I like Kass, but I really can’t justify this one.

Still, this season has been dry of:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5

So let’s have another one, shall we? The topic of this one is Tribal Councils, meaning the event and not the place this time, as I think this one merits a spot. Three points of note here: I’ll just be listing the season of a tribal council, and describing which one I mean, as giving the episode number is, I feel, not helpful enough. Secondly, first and final Tribal Councils are out, but anything else is fair game. Finally, as my bottom five would just be unmemorable tribal councils if I played this straight, the bottom five will be devoted to crazy tribal councils I didn’t enjoy. With that said, let’s get down to business… uh oh… urge to quote rising… can’t… control… TO DEFEAT! THE HUNS!

 

TOP 5

5. “Survivor Gabon”: Now, one of the things I love about “Survivor Gabon” is that it had a lot of GREAT Tribal Councils, so it’s hard for me to pick just one that I love. However, if forced to choose, I would have to go with the last Tribal Council before the merge, the one where Marcus was voted out. Ken Hoang is one of my favorite contestants of all time (bring him back, CBS), his only flaw being cockiness, but to be fair, he EARNED his cockiness with this Tribal Council. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was stacked against Ken, yet he somehow managed to turn it around and remove one of the power players of the game. It gets put this low only because while this one was personally exciting, I’m not sure how well it generalizes to other people. Plus, there are a LOT of good Tribal Councils coming up, like this next one, for instance.

4. “Survivor Palau”: You all know where I’m going with this. The last Tribal Council of the season that was not the final one certainly wins points for being unique. Due to an overlong final immunity challenge, Tribal Council was held right then and there at the challenge. Not a particularly exciting one, as we all knew that Ian was getting voted out, and for very schmaltzy reasons, but it was a new event, and fun to watch for it.

3. “Survivor Caramoan”: Like “Survivor Gabon”, this season has a lot of great Tribal to choose from. I’m probably taking the obvious choice here, but the Tribal where Malcolm busted out two hidden immunity cookies to save himself and his ally Eddie really takes the, um, cookie. Watching everyone scramble around right in front of the minority alliance was fascinating to watch, just a lot of fun in general, and led to a lot of smart commenting, Erik’s noting that showing the idol does not mean playing the idol being a stroke of genius. Above all, I’m happy with the outcome, that being the exit of Phillip “Special Agent?” Sheppard.

2. “Survivor Cagayan”: Yes, even a really recent Tribal Council can rank this high. Like I said, this one had gambit on top of gambit, and while I’m not as satisfied with the outcome as I am with the one from “Survivor Caramoan”, this one just had too many crazy strategies and unexpected moves to get anything lower than two. But what could beat it.

1. “Survivor Micronesia”: This Tribal Council is one of the reasons “Survivor Micronesia” is my favorite season. Nobody but nobody expected Erik to give up immunity. Just when you thought the stupidity was over for the season, this was the coup de gras. I remember my jaw just hanging open for a good five minutes after it happened, something that, while the most recent Tribal Council made an admirable effort, cannot be topped. It’s just too crazy.

Honorable Mention: “Survivor All-Stars”: Not many of you may have seen this one, but there’s a deleted scene from the first episode of the season where the Chapera Tribe pretends to be Saboga attending the first Tribal Council. It headlines Rob Cesternino (“Survivor The Amazon”) as Jeff Probst, and it is simply HILARIOUS! I can’t put it on the list proper because it isn’t a “real” tribal council, per se, but it still deserves mentioning. If you find it on Youtube, give it a watch. It’s short, entertaining, and well worth your time.

 

BOTTOM 5

5. “Survivor Borneo”: Ah yes, the first real “twist” Tribal Council the show ever had. Taking place right after the merge, crew, fan, and generally every-with-a-heart favorite Gretchen Cordy was voted out, leading to tears from several. Well, if it was so moving and memorable, why the bottom of the list? Actually, I didn’t find this Tribal Council all that memorable for either good or bad, but many remember it as the day the game changed, and that deserves some credit. Given that, even with me, those memories tend to be somewhat negative, as Gretchen was voted out for purely strategic reasons, when everyone agrees she should have won above anyone, this has to go on the bottom of the list, though really more for others than for myself.

4. “Survivor South Pacific”: In a parallel to tonight’s Tribal Council, we get to once again mention the infamous Tribal Council where Cochran flipped. While I admit I respected the move more on this one than I did for tonight’s, the fallout from both is what determined where they fell on the list. And while Cochran’s move was crazy and exciting, the amount of ire he earned from his fellow castaways just made it unpleasant to watch, and still makes me feel a little sick just thinking about it. Good move or not, Cochran did NOT earn that tongue lashing he got from Savaii afterward.

3. “Survivor Samoa”: This is the Tribal Council where Foa Foa took control, the one where Russell played an idol so that the Kelly that no one remembers was voted out. While a surprise to all (due to Shambo’s flip, and the surprise idol play), and certainly exciting and pivotal in the game, I don’t like this one. While surprising, it was not as exciting due to sort of being engineered (i.e. from an idol play rather than strategizing with others), and frankly, I supported Galu, so it was a shame to see them crumble like that.

2. “Survivor One World”: If there’s any move more stupid than giving up immunity… No, wait, there’s NOTHING more stupid than giving up immunity, and giving it up at the tribal phase is PARTICULARLY stupid. I’ve talked a lot about why this move and this council stink, so I’ll just keep it short and sweet here. I really don’t like this Tribal Council, and it would be number one but for the technicality that Bill’s exit was not exactly “memorable”. Not so for our number one spot though.

1. “Survivor Nicaragua”: Yes, it takes two people in good game positions quitting for virtually no reason to make an awful Tribal Council. While I stand behind my opinion that “Survivor Nicaragua” had several good features that were often overlooked, I have to admit, this REALLY drags it down. It just felt wrong, had all the fans who would have loved to have played screaming in agony, it was just unpleasant. And the sad thing is, it was so unpleasant it became memorable, and will probably never leave, to my great regret.

Honorable Mention: “Survivor Pearl Islands”: Another season with many memorable Tribal Councils, but this is the first quit, specifically Osten’s quit right before the merge. Again, like the one from “Survivor Nicaragua”, it’s just painful to remember a quit. It gets an honorable mention basically because it was first, and that made it fascinating and slightly endearing in some ways. Still, a quit is a quit. It’s not fun, and needs to be acknowledged as such.

Well, that’s about it. Here’s to hoping Kass can pull off a miracle.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor One World” Episode 7: Troyzan, Lord of the Shapes

Apologies for the relative lateness of the blog, a family gathering I rather wanted to partake in prevented me from starting to write immediately after the episode.  For the record, this was begun at 10:04 P.M., when events are still fairly fresh in my mind.

Following off the whirlwind that was the previous tribal council, we find that the castaways are about as confused as we are, and with reactions as varied.  Troyzan gives us the usual “new game” speech where he praises the fact that he’s playing an individual game.  Given that he’s in the majority alliance (currently the new Salani), he’s got reason to feel this way.  Less thrilled is Alicia, who, with no idol and virtually no alliance, sees her only recourse as going back to the women and trying to reinstate girl power around camp.  Given how paranoid you made them about the idol, Alicia, I’d call that a long shot at best.  If they think you have the idol and you don’t produce (a physical impossibility, barring that Alicia makes a fake idol, in which case all they’d have to do is put hers and Kim’s side by side and note the obvious differences to detect a fake) your ass is, as they say, “grass”.

Up next is the thing I’ve been angry about this whole season, so I’m sure you’re ready to hear me address it, so here it is: they finally have a full intro.  I know what you’re thinking.  You think I should be overjoyed, have that statement in all caps with several exclamation points on the end, and I’m not going to lie, I am happy they finally give us a full intro.  However, I have to note that they gave a full intro SEVEN EPISODES IN!  Halfway through the season and we finally get a full intro.  It’s an awful long time to wait, guys, and I think Kourtney, Nina, Matt, Bill, Monica, and Colton would have liked to be in it.  I know they were early boots, but it used to be that one guarantee of the show was that you’d get to see your name in that classic “Survivor” intro.  If I were those 6, I’d feel really disenfranchised.

Now, I can kind of see why they did it.  The way they had the intro edited, you could tell which people had switched tribes, and they didn’t want to spoil that until the merge.  However, I don’t buy this.  These people shoot HUNDREDS of hours of footage per day, and you’re telling me you can’t find about 5 seconds of footage of each person in their original tribe?  I call BS.

Intro rant over.  We get back to camp the next morning to find the all important “naming of the new tribe” ceremony.  As hotly contested as some of these debates has been (recall “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” where I believe around a half dozen names were proposed and contested, or “Survivor All-Stars” where Alicia Calaway [“Survivor the Australian Outback”] and Amber Brkich [also “Survivor the Australian Outback”] took the time to draw up a chart of possible names) this one is very calm and quick, with Troyzan suggesting the name “Tikiano”, claiming it means “Year of the Gods”, and no one challenging it.  I have to admit, I’m not pleased with this, not because the name is particularly bad, but because it’s not good enough to wildly praise and not bad enough to make fun of.  It’s on the more ridiculous side of things, but it gives me no strong feelings one way or the other.  Given that half the point of this blog is entertainment, this annoys me.

Having settled on a name, tribe alchemist Jonas sets off to turn coconut into potato chips.  He is unsuccessful, but the results are tasty by all accounts.  Not so successful are TarZAN’s attempts at strategy.  Pulling Mike aside, TarZAN (I’m going to be sick of typing his name so often in this particular blog) tries to pull him on board for a “Guy Power” alliance, with Alicia brought on as an honorary male.  It’s alright in theory, but TarZAN doesn’t seem to have noticed that no one, not even most of the guys, much less Alicia, are on board with this.  Mike, for his part, does fake like he’s into the idea, but lets us know in an interview that there’s no way he’s going back with the people who put him on the outside.  Now if only someone taught Matt (“Survivor Redemption Island”) that lesson.

We warp to a challenge, and I’m rather surprised that it’s happening this early, as for the most part, immediately following a merge there’s only an immunity challenge, not a reward.  The usual consensus is that the merge feast is a reward, so no need for a challenge.  The producer’s have seen fit to produce one, and due to my previous disgust at the lack of reward challenges over the past couple seasons, I’m thrilled.

What I’m NOT so thrilled about is the challenge itself.  For one thing, it’s a challenge that divides the individuals into arbitrary teams, which while I don’t dislike happening every once in a while, its become too common lately, and as Troyzan said, it’s an individual game now, but this type of challenge distracts from it.  It does, however, support my theory that the producers moved the merge up after seeing the lopsidedness of the tribes, as this could easily have been a team challenge.  Another thing to dislike is the challenge itself.  My God is it plain.  A boring, unchallenging obstacle course, with a boring, unchallenging puzzle.  I should hate it for this, but who cares, it’s a reward challenge this early!  Probst offers the winning team pizza and beer, and also a mystery note to be read on the reward.

While the challenge itself is not that compelling, it was nice to see the story of the blue team’s struggle.  They initially fell very far behind due to Leif pulling himself the wrong way through a dig fence (the way he went he had no leverage) and also not carving out enough space for his butt.  Thankfully for them, a few stumbles by Sabrina on the same obstacle ties up the tribes.  Unfortunately, TarZAN puts himself on the puzzle, only to be utterly ineffectual, and then constantly deny that he’s been ineffectual.  Don’t worry, my rant on TarZAN is coming, I’m just saving it for later.

As you may have guessed, the orange team pulls out a narrow victory, and goes on reward.  After exclaiming over how good the pizza is, Alicia reads the note, informing the people present that another hidden immunity idol is in play.  I knew the producer’s wouldn’t let Colton keep it!  No, actually, this is an entirely new idol, ripe for the picking.  Of ALL the interesting interviews on this subject we could have received, we get Chelsea droning on about how bad it would be if a Manono got it.  Whether she means Manono as in “Men” or Manono as in “Switched Manono” remains to be seen.

Back at camp, more interesting things are happening, things like Jonas trying to save his own skin.  Unlike the deluded TarZAN, Jonas is fully aware that he’s in the minority alliance, and is desperately trying to pull something together, again using Mike as a potential swing vote.  Mike, whether to cause discord and enmity, or just to try and keep up the illusion that he is with them, tells Jonas what TarZAN told him.  At this, Jonas realizes that maybe forming an alliance with a volatile wild card was not the best idea, and confronts TarZAN in an attempt to corral him.  While this is something he should have done, Jonas admittedly goes about it in a very bad way, being confrontational and talking down to TarZAN.  Not exactly the way to influence people, Jonas.  Actually, we’ll see that a lot this evening: Jonas having the right idea, but not execute it well at all.

To be fair, though, TarZAN was not exactly reasonable either.  He was quick to anger, got defensive easily, and ultimately washed himself of the alliance, a move that only hurts both of them.  To add to the insanity, TarZAN admits that he never liked Jonas, which is funny, because last episode when he told Christine that he liked the entire tribe EXCEPT her, I thought Jonas was included in that.  TarZAN then tells us that when he says things from the heart, he means it, which again, is odd given his statements last episode.  Oh no, this is not my TarZAN rant either, you’ll see it in a bit.

After commercial, we see that Troyzan has gotten up early, not to work but to go idol hunting, on an “early bird” principle.  After a fairly funny scene in which Troyzan, believing to have found an idol, instead gets pinched by a crab, he succeeds, and I give him credit not only for taking the initiative, but also taking the logical step of not telling anyone.  Given that the women seem to be in power at the moment, I’d call this a good move on his part.  Admittedly, this is mired somewhat by Troyzan being Coach-like and kissing his own biceps in celebration of his awesomeness, but at least here he did something to merit it.

Oddly Troyzan, despite all promises in the pre-game interviews, has not been very Coach-like so far.  True, he’s had his moments of insanity and shameless self-promotion, but for the most part, he’s played a under-the-radar, logical, opportunistic game.  It’s not what we promised, but after so much Coach last season, I’ll take it!

Challenge Time!  Today’s challenge is brought to you by “Survivor Redemption Island”, because it truly is a season well-liked by the viewing audience!  No, actually, it’s because it’s a fairly easy challenge to produce for individual competition that is still, admittedly challenging.  It could be argued that this destroys my “Move the Merge” theory, but I would point out that challenges are built well in advance, so they probably had the majority done already, and all they had to do was to build a few extra podiums, disks, and balls, which given a few day’s lead time would be fairly easy.  Overall, it’s a boring challenge, involving balancing 3 balls on a disc for as long as possible.  While it’s boring visually, I can’t deny that it’s challenging, which I suppose makes it an ok challenge.

All bets are off as to who will win, though my money is on Leif, due to his lower center of gravity.  I’d lose, however, as Troyzan pulls out a narrow victory over Kat, who contributes the most she’s ever done to a challenge by simply standing there.  This really is Troyzan’s episode.  He’s getting some good strategy in, he found an immunity idol, and he just won a difficult immunity challenge.  Props to you, man.

Back at the camp, and Troyzan is all hunky-dory, as are the Salani 7.  Deciding who to vote off is fairly simple.  Jay and Chelsea go off to have a “Who can talk more slowly?” contest, and use it to conclude that Jonas, as the ringleader of Manono, must go.  I can’t say this is a bad choice, but for my money, I’d have gone with TarZAN for the vote.  He annoys everyone, so it brings tranquility to the tribe, it keeps around the guys who’s cooking you food, and curry’s some favor with potential jury members, as I’m fairly certain both sides want him gone.  Still, I can’t fault them the decision, as the only real problem is that everyone likes Jonas, and it would be hard to vote him off.  In this game, that doesn’t matter, and Grand High Duchess Kim’s Seal of Approval seems to end Jonas’ game.

Now we get the misdirection that I don’t believe at all.  Troyzan, deciding that playing both sides might be a good idea (in my opinion it could go either way) informs Jonas, who seems incredulous that these people would target the leader of the alliance.  Troyzan offers Jonas his full support, and for my money, I can’t figure out why.  Playing both sides is one thing, but Troyzan, this is overstepping the bounds.  This could easily come back to bite you in final tribal.

Jonas, feeling the need for more allies now the vote approaches, offers to reconcile with TarZAN who instantly agrees.  Hypocritical, yes, but there’s still MORE insanity to be had, just you wait viewing audience.  Together they formulate a strategy to vote for Kat as “they can’t think of anything better.”  This is just lazy and unconvincing.  Furthermore, they could easily come up with a better strategy.  For my money, Jonas had a good idea in targeting Mike, as he was on the outs with the Salani 7, still got rid of a guy, and was a physical threat.  Why he didn’t go to Salani and propose this compromise, I have no idea.

Tribal will have to wait, however, TarZAN has wardrobe issues.  Specifically a brown stain on his underwear making everyone believe he has shit himself, and no one wanting to wash their clothes with his.  Yet, in an effort to conserve water, he slips his undies in with a load of Chelsea’s wash.  She politely requests that he remove it, which he initially does, which could have been the end of it, but no, TarZAN puts it back in, making the (admittedly correct) argument that the hot water will kill any bacteria.

Alright, TarZAN rant time: THE MAN IS INSANE!  We’ve had a lot of insane castaways these days, and this episode cements TarZAN as a member of those ranks.  The man changes his mind for reasons no one can comprehend, goes off all angry at the weirdest things, and insists on forcing issues that are best left alone.  The real kicker for me is that he’s obviously intelligent, based upon his vocabulary and some of his arguments, but he presents himself in such a way that no one can take him seriously.  He’s entertaining, I’ll give him that, but I reiterate, THE MAN IS INSANE!  I certainly wouldn’t trust him to be my doctor.

His argument with Chelsea does get her to try and convince Salani to get him out, but again, I don’t buy this misdirection for a minute.

We come to what I can only describe as one of the most pathetic Tribal Council performances ever.  As a note to future contestants who may read this blog, study this Tribal Council closely, and NEVER repeat any of the things done here.  Do not do what Jonas did, and single out the guy you’re voting for.  Do not do what TarZAN did and go off on your ally for no reason, and declare your vote (again, INSANE).  Do not do what Jonas did AGAIN, and reveal your other target, this time with no argument behind why.  Emulate Kim, in giving acceptable answers that get rid of Probst and don’t technically lie (ok, so there was ONE good part about tribal).  Do not do what Chelsea did and single out the person you dislike, and go into detail as to WHY.  If you follow these easy steps, you too may be a sole Survivor.

Not surprisingly, Jonas goes home, and I have to admit I’m disappointed.  For all that I ragged on him in this blog, he was finally starting to come into his own, and could have been an interesting character.  Again, he lacks in execution of his plans, but he was still learning.

Oh well, no sense in mourning what might have been, instead, let’s mourn what was!  You guessed it, it’s time for another:

TOP 5 and BOTTOM 5!

Today’s category, as my ranting may have indicated, is crazy people.  Given that it’s hard to have a bottom 5 “crazy” category, my bottom 5 is going to be composed of people who played cool, calculating, predictable games.  Let’s waste not more time, and get to the list!

Top 5

5. Greg “Tarzan” Smith (“Survivor One World”): Maybe it’s bad form to put the entry from the current season this early in the list, but that’s honestly where he belongs.  As I’ve mentioned, the man is inconsistent and not good with communication, not to mention having no idea how to influence people.  His performances and denials tonight, in my mind, are enough to merit a spot on this list.  What saves him from being farther up is that fact that he does appear to have a modicum of intelligence (unlike most of the other people in the “Top 5” section), but that still doesn’t excuse the insanity.

4. Shannon “Shambo” Waters (“Survivor Samoa”): Another somewhat underplayed insane “Survivor”, but I think “Shambo” has earned her spot on the list.  Her hairstyle is a factor, being rather insane in this era, but the woman also constantly failed at many things, then questioned why her tribe disliked her.  When she tried to explain things, she often made no sense, and spoke in odd metaphors.  But the big crazy moment for her is a dream in which she believed she killed Dave Ball (“Survivor Samoa”), which she interpreted as a sign.  I’m a Psych major, and even for me, finding such clarity in dreams is insane (not to mention that dream interpretation is an inexact art), and merits a spot on this list.

3. Cao Boi Bui (“Survivor Cook Islands”): Ah, who could forget the famous headache healing Boat person from the racially divided season?  He was rather older than his tribe mates (a common feature amongst most on this list), and also more seeped in old world culture.  At first, this just leaked out in small ways, such as racially insensitive jokes and the ability to heal headaches through massage (on a side note, I always thought his tribe unnecessarily complained about his headache healing.  Given the choice between a splitting headache and a red fleck on my forehead for a few days, I take the latter each time).  But then Cao Boi started to go further from the mainstream, such as doing a strange, leaping fire dance to start a fire (though admittedly, like his headache cure it was effective), carting the Immunity Idol with him everywhere, and, like “Shambo” having a dream about who to vote off, resulting in the ill-fated “Plan Voodoo”.  Anyone who can come up with a name like that and take it seriously has EARNED their spot on this list.

2. Phillip “Special Agent?” Sheppard (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Look me in the eye and tell me that the man who walked around in tight pink briefs with no shame was not at least a little crazy.  But even this just scratches the surface, the man insisted upon using animal metaphors for everything, and even went so far as to tie a feather to his forehead (making him look ridiculous for the rest of the game).  Add his communions with Great-Grandpa Jessum to the mix, and you have one of the craziest Survivors every, but not quite as…

1. Shane Powers (“Survivor Exile Island”): I’ve used the term “crazy” really loosely in this list, but the only one I think was actually insane is Shane Powers.  It’s understandable, the man quite smoking 3 packs a day cold turkey going into the game.  Adjusting to the elements is hard enough, having to detox from cigarettes can only compound the effects.  It was so bad that Shane actually tried to quit, only to turn on a dime and not want to quit, but even THIS erratic behavior is only the tip of the iceberg.  I could write an entire essay on why Shane is the #1 craziest Survivor, so here I will include a brief list of incidents involving Shane’s craziness: threatening to kill fellow castaways, insisting that Cirie, as a nurse, be the one to examine his genitals for a rash, his innumerable sound bytes, “Shane’s Thinking Seat”, and, lest we forget, “Shane’s Blackberry.”  Enjoy your title, man, you earned it.

Honorable Mention: Matthew Von Ertfelda (“Survivor The Amazon”): One that had to be struck from the list due to my definition of “crazy” that I used.  Still, I had to at least give mention to the man voted “Most needs to see a psychologist” by his fellow castaways (including himself).  Matthew is remembered most for an episode in which he could not stop sharpening a machete, and several contestants commented on how he would likely kill them in a fit of rage.  Not crazy like these other people, but, admittedly, crazy in another way that at least deserves mentioning.  As a pathetic side note, Matthew is the closest I have ever come to having the person I rooted for at the beginning of the game win the whole thing.

Bottom 5

5. Parvati Shallow (“Survivor Cook Islands”): I’ve said before that Parvati knows how to do one thing, but she does it exceedingly well.  This is flirt to play people, and it’s earned her the second most consecutive days on the show, no small feat.  However, BECAUSE she does it so well she earns her spot on this list.  Flirting is a risky strategy, and you REALLY need to know how to dispense it properly in order for it to work.  That it has worked so well for Parvati shows how calculating she can be, and why she’s on the list.

4. “Boston Rob” Mariano (“Survivor Marquesas”): How could I not include the man so often compared to the Godfather?  You’ve heard of his virtues on countless fan sites before, so I don’t need to extol them here, particularly given my distaste for Boston Rob. He’s not a bad character, and again, he’s certainly good at knowing how to run an alliance, his performance on “Survivor Redemption Island” shows that.  I simply feel that the hype isn’t deserved for the amount he gets.  And for the record, I would point out that, although he does hold the record for most days on “Survivor”, he is ahead of Parvati by only 3 days, having played a whole entire season more than her.

3. Richard Hatch (“Survivor Borneo”): It was only a matter of time before the infamous Hatch made it on one of my lists.  Arguably the father of the alliance, Richard made his mark by forming an alliance when almost no one else thought to, and then systematically eliminating the other tribe.  Richard is denied the number one spot, only because I question how well his methods would work now, as evidenced by his placement in “Survivor All-Stars”.  Still, most former Survivors owe their ideas to him, originally, and he’s certainly a calculating individual.

2. Yul Kwan (“Survivor Cook Islands”): If Boston Rob acted the part of a mafia boss, Yul lived the part.  Probably one of the most normal, book smart people “Survivor” ever cast (he is remembered for having a complex proof comparing a “Survivor” challenge to an elephant trying to run up a tree), Yul’s voting strategy was described by fellow contestants as “like putting a hit on somebody”.  Yul knew just how long to keep someone around, and when to eliminate them, and how to appease the people on the jury.  He did this so well that he managed to beat Ozzy in a final tribal council.  Admittedly it was a narrow margin, but Ozzy was well liked, and a physical player, and physical players are often favored by the jury, so Yul’s impressive feat earns him the #2 spot.

1. Brian Heidik (“Survivor Thailand”): Admittedly, he’s a lot of the reason “Survivor Thailand” is so hated in “Survivor” history, but you have to give him credit, he was cold and calculating to the point of being emotionless (though he was a used car salesman).  Every move he made was designed to get him the million, and, in that area he succeeded.  In life, not so much, he’s a despicable human being, but certainly the most calculating Survivor.

Honorable Mention: Cirie Fields (“Survivor Exile Island”): To give her her due, Cirie is a good strategist, and certainly knows how to play people just right, but 2 things bar her from this list.  The first is that she never won (something everyone else did) and second that in her early days she was fueled by emotion.  Still, she’s quite intelligent, and that deserves to be acknowledged.

Whew, that was a long list.  Yes, lackluster episode, but next week promises Tribal loyalty dilemmas, which are usually fun to watch, and best of all NO COLTON!  So, hopefully next week will be a good one!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.