Idol Speculation: “Survivor Game Changers” Episode 4: The Complainer is Always Wrong

Very well, “Survivor”. You have produced exquisite tribute in penance for that atrocious episode in which Malcolm Freberg got the axe. I shall consider raising my obsession level back to “Hot Tamale”.

Two episodes in a row now, we get a “Previously On…” segment that just concerns the episode prior, and doesn’t give away what plotlines will be focussed on this episode by pointing out the important elements from many episodes prior. I hope this stays. Now THIS is a twist I can get behind.

Unsurprisingly, we start off with Nuku being PISSED at J.T., due to the whole “We’re voting Sierra” thing. Now, most of new Nuku, Sandra in particular, call out J.T. for giving away their plan. J.T. does the only sensible thing he can do, which is deny, deny, deny. J.T. ultimately swears to take the information to his grave. Or, you know, until it airs on national television. And even he admits that he played that Tribal Council badly. However, I’m going to go to J.T.’s defense here for a couple of reasons. One, it doesn’t seem that far-fetched to me that new Mana would have played the idol on Sierra, with or without J.T.’s input. True, Brad Culpepper is the obvious choice, but given that the strategy of a close Tribal Council is often “Stack votes on the person in the minority NO ONE would vote for since they won’t have an idol played on them.”, it’s possible Brad could have just called their bluff. Second, Hali’s calling out of physical threats could be just as much to blame, since again, this might make them make the call that new Nuku would NOT do what she said. And third, the thing I really don’t get, if J.T. was trying to get new Mana to go for Sandra, then WHY DIDN’T HE VOTE FOR SANDRA? I guess you could argue that J.T. was trying to have plausible deniability to a Sandra exit, but guess what? He voted with new Nuku anyway, and they STILL blame him. So yeah, if it was really that intentional on his part, I don’t see him voting for Sierra.

But this is “Idol Speculation”. Enough with the “Speculation”; on to the “Idol” part. J.T., realizing he doesn’t have much of a hope, looks for the hidden immunity idol. We see a fair number of shots of him walking around, and worrying about snakes in tree holes. My question, J.T., is why does a county boy like yourself NOT KNOW to poke in with a stick first? Lets you know about any snakes with little to no risk for yourself. The triumphant music is playing, though, so J.T. finds a clue. Like with Tai last episode, the clue says to find the intersect between markers, and dig there. Also like Tai, J.T. has no trouble doing this subtly, and comes up with an idol. Kudos, although this drains pretty much any drama from a future Nuku Tribal Council. After all, no WAY J.T. is stupid enough to not play that thing. At a minimum, you know he’s bringing it with him. HINT, HINT!

We cut over to our reward challenge, which, in a sense, is an endurance challenge. No, there will be no time lapse, and yes, it IS technically a race, but if you look at it, a number of the elements are endurance challenge based. Holding balls on bows and disks? That’s pure endurance right there. Kind of an obvious idea in hindsight, but one that I like nonetheless. Which is good, because there’s precious little else to like about this challenge. It’s not horrible, but the puzzle is your standard logo slide puzzle, a lot of the elements just seem like a backyard game rather than an epic competition, and it splits up the tribe when it doesn’t need to. With precious little else to go on, this challenge just kind of falls into the “ok” category.

In another interesting editing twist, we get to see the tribes strategizing. Now, normally when this is done, it’s to set up either a great strategic triumph, or a strategic blunder. Frankly, the latter is far more likely. So the editors do something clever, and show us all three tribes strategizing, setting up possible arcs for all three of them. Tavua has Zeke volunteering on the puzzle, stating that he does them all the time on his phone. Sure Zeke. And Peih-Gee (“Survivor China”) doing Sudoku makes her great at puzzles as well. Frankly, I see this as setting him up for a goat position, particularly as it seemed like Cirie was also angling for that position. Not that Nuku fares much better, as all we get from them is chaos, and a disgruntled Michaela reluctantly agreeing to dig. Serves up a narrative of a chaotic tribe, when teamwork is usually required for these sorts of challenges.

Only Mana comes off as ok, with Debbie volunteering for the balance beam, and Brad readily agreeing to it. Yeah, Debbie could be in the “Zeke” position of being the goat in the “hero or goat” role, but so little emphasis is placed on it that I don’t see it happening.

At first, my insane theories seem to be correct. Tavua gets the early lead because Ozzy, but Sierra’s grappling skills and Hali’s decent balance keep Mana right behind. Nuku, meanwhile, has Jeff Varner on their team, and God bless him, he’s trying. Add onto that them once again INSANELY putting J.T. on a portion of the challenge that involves balance, and yeah, Nuku’s pretty far behind. At least they’ve got Michaela on the digging, who I swear must have been a gopher in a past life, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I.E., I’m referring to her digging abilities.

However, Debbie struggles on the disk-balancing portion, allowing Tavua to set Zeke up to suck at the puzzle, particularly since he has a really confused look once he got there. It also gives Nuku a change to come back. As a founding member of the “Aubry Lobby”, I would like to point out that, in addition to Michaela’s digging skills, it was AUBRY who got you back in that challenge, thank you very much. Surprisingly, Zeke manages to take on the “Hero” role, and wins milk, cookies, and PB&J for Tavua, while Sandra solves the puzzle for Nuku before Debbie can get across, giving them PB&J. Good job keeping us in the dark, while still giving us a plausible reason for the outcome, “Survivor” editing team. More, please.

Now, those of you who watched “Survivor Kaoh Rong” may remember the gag of Debbie’s ever-changing jobs, which rotated through her confessionals screen. Not going to lie, it was one of the funniest single things I’ve ever seen on the show, and while I was happier to have Debbie back than most, I was sad that we wouldn’t be getting this gag back again. And we don’t. But we do get a spiritual successor that’s pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. Debbie, frustrated over the fact that she and she alone pretty much single-handedly lost the challenge for Mana, tries to pin the blame on Brad in confessional, stating that he always calls the shots. Cut immediately to Debbie volunteering to do the balance beam, and Brad confirming it. Yes, Brad did say “Ok, you’re doing it”, but I’m inclined to give him a pass on this one, since Debbie pretty much up and said she could do the balance beam well. But more on that whole controversy in a bit.

But first, we need to get a bit of harmony, followed by disharmony, at Tavua. Yep, there’s everyone celebrating their win. Hmm, but who can break up this stunning tableau. Ozzy and Cirie are too happy to not be targeted, so they won’t. Zeke and Andrea are both sitting pretty. Troyzan’s an option, but any confessional from him would be repetitive at this point. But who else is stupid enough to break up that good thing?

Ah, of course, Madame President herself, Sarah Lacina. Living up to the “Play like a criminal” claim, Sarah states in confessional that the old Nuku five some can’t last. Um, Sarah… WHY? Ok, I COULD see a scenario where ANY of the other four might want to break it up. Cirie and Zeke seemed they had a loose thing going on the old Nuku against Ozzy and Andrea as a pair, so either of them could want to preemptive strike the other pair, especially if they find out about Troyzan’s idol. But if there’s ANYONE from the old Nuku who could easily flip-flop between alliances, it’s Sarah, and therefore it makes the LEAST sense for her to go with Troyzan. And yet she does. She doesn’t even get a good ally in him, as Troyzan lets her keep hunting for the idol. Oh well, at least it’s more intrigue than we’ve had from Tavua in a while.

No more avoiding the subject, though. On to the promised Debbie freakout. Now, for once, I’m not going to do a blow-by-blow of this. If you want a quick summary, Debbie is mad that she lost the challenge, takes it out on Brad Culpepper for calling the shots, and Hali for getting favorited, and it leads to uncomfortable yelling. Even talking with Tai cannot calm Debbie down, so you know that it’s serious. Debbie eventually chills to the point of being able to joke-yell at Brad instead of actually yell at him, but the damage is done, and that alliance is shaky at best. If this were between Debbie and pretty much any other player, this would be a non-issue, and I could just give the blow-by-blow and general thoughts, mostly about how this is the low point of the episode due to being cringe-worthy. But no, Debbie yells at Brad Culpepper, or as he was known on his first season, “Fuck You” Brad Culpepper. And “Fuck You” Brad Culpepper is no stranger to these sorts of accusations. So for all that the episode presents the situation as “Debbie is crazy and brought this on herself.” (an assessment I’m inclined to agree with”), we have to look at this a bit more seriously.

It’s no secret that Brad’s biggest obstacle coming into this season was his reputation as being controlling and sexist. As such, most people, myself included, gave him few odds to win this game. However, for the first couple of episodes, Brad’s been doing a good job proving everyone wrong, by actually being kind of a nice guy, and not “Fuck You” at all. Between that and some evidence coming to light that Brad might simply have been a victim of circumstance (and Probst not overtly calling out his attitudes), rather than actually sexist, a lot of people were changing their tune. While I’m disinclined to dismiss those accusations entirely, since sexism can be both overt and subtle, I was at least willing to give the guy a fair shake, and cut back on the “Brad Culpepper is sexist” line (The “Brad Culpepper is bad at math” jokes will continue, though. They will never not be funny. Because I said so.) However, this opens the door back up, and it needs to be addressed. For all that Debbie is presented as crazy and in the wrong, let’s see if her argument holds any water at all. And, if you look at it, I CAN see something that might at least SLIGHTLY legitimize Debbie’s claims. Brad is a very authoritative guy. Not sure if it comes from football or what, but the guy, even when he’s just offering a suggestion, can come off as a little forceful. Combine that with people taking it the wrong way, and you’ve got yourself the “Fuck You” part. And frankly, the solution is simple: phrase your suggestions as questions. Let people think THEY came up with the idea, and then they can’t blame you if it goes wrong, or target you if it goes right. Does this make Brad not that great a “Survivor” player? Absolutely. But sexist? Well again, I don’t want to make a definitive call here, since again, it might be a subtle thing, but I don’t think it’s definitive one way or the other. Point being, what this whole uncomfortable segment brings up is that Brad Culpepper’s reputation, while not entirely deserved, may not entirely be UNDESERVED either.

But now, we get to what may be the highlight of the episode, that being Sandra doing Sandra. Seeing that J.T. gets uncharacteristically annoyed at Michaela for taking a lot of sugar in her coffee, Sandra eats the sugar to get J.T. really mad at Michaela. And it works. Like it’s out of a textbook. Not only is this hilarious to watch, but it’s smart for Sandra. While J.T. would definitely be a main target at a Nuku Tribal Council, Sandra, as the weak link, would be the logical other target. By so subtly painting a conflict between J.T. and Michaela, Sandra removes even that remote possibility. This is the sort of scene that makes me dismiss those who call Sandra’s wins “flukes”. This is not a random, desperate act, but a calculated move that creates friction where it best benefits Sandra. And, I can’t emphasize this enough, IT WORKS. Like throwing out the fish on “Survivor Pearl Islands”, or burning Russell’s hat on “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”, it gets exactly the result, and yet no one suspects Sandra. You’d think everyone would have learned by now. I’ve seen on Twitter some people getting a kick out of her looking directly at the camera after the argument, and it was fun, but guys, it’s not unique. She did EXACTLY the same glance on “Survivor Pearl Islands”. It’s kind of her thing.

Also, J.T.? Why freak out about the sugar? It’s SUGAR! I know food is scarce out there, but it’s SUGAR! I think you’ll live without it.

We’re distracted by the immunity challenge, which is much cooler than our reward challenge. Tribes race over a wall, push a box into place to get down a key to unlock a hundred sandbags. These must then be transported over a balance beam to a slingshot, where five targets wait. First team to knock over all five targets wins Captain Cuttler, second team wins his stand. Thank GOD they’re not doing the stupid “combo Tribal Council” again. But yeah, between rolling a giant crate, and the tough decision of how many sandbags to take at a time (even if you stay on the beam, if you drop a bag, you have to go back), this is a pretty cool challenge. Admittedly, it does combine elements from challenges from “Survivor Gabon” and “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”, but cool nonetheless.

Once again, our editors have done a good job giving all tribes some strategy talk, leaving it open who will go to Tribal Council. That is, until they ONLY show Mana at the strategizing session, where Debbie shows us just how much she’s over Brad’s “controlling” by first insisting that she do a part of the challenge, then insisting that she NOT do it when Brad says she can, then COMPLAINING in said challenge when they fall behind. And she TOTALLY doesn’t care that he broke up with her!

I kid, but Debbie’s insistence on highlighting her accomplishments actually WAS pretty funny. And in a clever twist, the editors got me. Not only DOESN’T Mana lose, but thanks to Brad’s surprising slingshot skills, they come in first. We still get tension between Nuku and Tavua, but since Ozzy is shooting for Tavua, you can guess at the ultimate outcome.

To emphasize once again how smart Sandra’s scheming is, J.T. openly and blatantly guns for Michaela, evidently having Aubry on board, and trying to get Varner involved. Sandra, however, refuses to relinquish her power so easily. Michaela is an obvious ally, and she works her magic on Varner. I’m surprised she has to, given that Varner seems to have been in her corner this entire time, but Varner tells us he’s torn. It’s a funny scene, but as to which way he should go? For Varner, the solution is obviously to vote out J.T. While I’m all for Mana intentionally going into the merge with low-numbers at this point, since trying to get a majority at this point is a pipe dream (and impossible, since we know the merge is at 13), but you want to get rid of those old Mana members with no ties to your alliance. In this case, that means Aubry. Michaela, however, has been a solid ally, and not someone you want to dispose of so easily. Plus, you want to get rid of at least SOME old Nuku members, so J.T. is not a bad choice.

Of course, we know that J.T. has an idol, and confident or not, there’s no way he doesn’t at least bring it to Tribal Council. He’s not a MORON. HINT! HINT!

The word of the day at “Tribal Council” is “attitude”. This is no surprise with Michaela and Sandra there, but everyone else (save possibly Varner) gets in on the action. J.T. and Aubry both get their opinions on Michaela’s attitude around the camp out, and Michaela snarks right back, calling them on their bullshit. It makes for entertaining moment after entertaining moment. I can’t even give a highlight reel, because the whole THING is a highlight! The kicker, though, has to be Michaela’s drinking during the vote reading.

Varner, ultimately, makes the right decision and votes out J.T. But, of course, it doesn’t matter, since J.T. played his idol and sent Michaela home. No? Well, he at least brought his idols to Tribal Council, to show that he wasn’t a complete moron, right? NO? Hmm. Maybe his first win was a fluke after all.

Surprisingly, I’m not all that sorry to see J.T. go. True, I feel like he played probably his worst game this time around, but if he was going to go down in a horrible spiral, I’m glad it was at least a short but memorable one. Especially since the other option was Michaela, whom we haven’t really seen hit her stride yet, since no one seems inclined to put her in a clutch part of a challenge. Granted, they haven’t seen “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”, so I can’t blame them too much, but I also don’t see Michaela being quiet about this, so why not give her a shot? Really, the only bad thing about this vote is that it puts Aubry on the bottom, but since we know there’s another swap coming up, I’m not too worried.

Also, rest easy James Clement (“Survivor China”). You are no longer the dumbest “Survivor” ever. Even if you discount Erik Reichenbach (“Survivor Micronesia”). And Brandon Hantz (“Survivor South Pacific”). And Colton Cumbie (“Survivor One World”). Even without all those people, J.T. is still dumber in his move. James at least brought the idols with him. He ACKNOWLEDGED the possibility that he might leave. J.T., the guy very much in the minority, the guy who the whole tribe was pissed at, didn’t think to do so. He deserved what he got.

More twists are promised in the next episode. While I’m a little skeptical, I find it hard to believe that any twist could be as bad as last episode’s combined Tribal Council. Still, if they do bring back a booted player, it might be. After all, the “Outcast Twist” didn’t work so well. However, as this is a tribute season, my money is on them doing what I said they SHOULD have done for the 500th episode, and bring in someone new entirely as a reward. You know, have a tribe win Rupert to catch fish for them. Man, Rupert and Ozzy on the same season. The area’s fish population would go extinct.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Game Changers” Episode 2: Skupin’s Pennance

BREAKING NEWS! It seems that the case of Michael Skupin, former “Survivor” contestant from “Survivor the Australian Outback” and “Survivor Philippines”, has not yet been closed. Skupin, who had previously been convicted of Possession of Child Pornography and Running a Ponzi Scheme, had already received a sentence of jail time, and was forced to make reparations to those he had wronged. But now, a new judge has ruled, this punishment is insufficient.

“I hated him on ‘Survivor’ and just want to see him suffer.” said the judge.

What follows is a quote from the new judgement entry, detailing Skupin’s additional punishment:

“…WHEREAS the defendant has been found guilty of the charges listed above, the defendant is hereby ordered by the court to watch, on loop, the Nuku tribe of ‘Survivor Game Changers’ engage in the greatest act of hunting since Skupin’s pig hunt on ‘Survivor the Australian Outback’, and catch a goat, only to let this valuable food source go. Further, it is hereby ordered by the court that concurrent with said sentence, Skupin will be forced to listen to Jeff Varner’s ‘The spear, the spear, the STUPID spear.’ confessional on an endless loop, until such time as Skupin assumes the fetal position in despair.”

Pretty harsh. Well, fortunately we’ve got an entertaining and unpredictable episode of “Survivor” to help tide us over. After our “Previously On…” segment that feels no need to feature Ciera in any way, shape, or form, we cut right to the swap, since that’s going to be our main focal point for the episode. Nuku expresses an expected amount of disbelief that Tony was voted out, with particular emphasis on Sarah’s reaction, since she’s his former tribemate, after all. Ok, perhaps I’m nitpicking, but WHY is Sarah shocked by this? I mean, COME ON, Sarah herself tried to vote him out on “Survivor Cagayan”. She KNOWS how dangerous he can be, so WHY is this in any way surprising? I’ll tell you why. It’s because Sarah is not good at “Survivor”. There. I said it. Come at me.

Ok, ok, now I’M the one being harsh here, but the way I’ve heard some people talk about Sarah really bothers me. A lot of people seem to be giving her a free pass, saying that her elimination only happened because “Kass was crazy/stupid.” This offends me not just as a Kass fan, but as a logical person. Sarah did NOT play this flawless game that was undone by dumb luck. She CLEARLY didn’t understand the targeting strategy of going for a non-threat so as to flush the idol, and declared herself the “President” of the tribe. No WONDER Kass flipped on her. Someone who talks like that, while not a moron or anything, clearly doesn’t know their way around the game, and are not this misunderstood genius who got screwed by forces beyond their control. Sarah is as much to blame for her loss as Kass is, if not more so.

But getting back to the season we’re ACTUALLY watching, Probst tries to tease someone into pointing out that a tribe swap is on the way. Superfan Zeke does oblige, and for once it’s not Probst trying to make the contestants assume things for the sake of making them look like idiots. No, there truly is a swap, from two tribes to three, with a green Tavua tribe now entering into play. And man, is Tavua screwed. Since we’re at 18 players now, we don’t get the “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen X” benefit of an extra member to play with, and the supplies, while slightly better than what Angkor got on “Survivor Cambodia”, are pretty meager. Already, I can see the PTSD flashbacks of Jeff Varner and Michaela. Does Tavua have any upside? Their name is the coolest of the three, I guess…

Well, Tavua does at least get Ozzy, so that’s helpful. They also get Cirie, Sarah, Andrea, and Zeke, with only Troyzan coming from the old Mana. The new Mana, meanwhile, keeps Caleb and Hali, while gaining Brad, Tai, Sierra, and Debbie. As to the new Nuku, this is where the bulk of the old Mana end up, with Malcolm, Varner, Aubry, Sandra, and Michaela coming over. Only J.T. gets to stay on Nuku. So yeah, the original Mana are pretty royally screwed at this point. On two tribes out of three, they’re the minority, and as to the new Nuku, you got a fractured bunch. Yeah, there’s five of them, but Sandra pitted herself against Aubry and Malcolm, so they’ve got no reason to say loyal to her, particularly as her terrible challenge performance will be thrown into sharper relief on a smaller tribe. At least they’re decent physically. Yeah, Sandra and Varner won’t be winning any awards in challenge performance, but they’ve got the single strongest woman (Michaela), arguably the only two players to rival Ozzy in terms of challenge performance, and while Aubry isn’t the greatest, she’s no slouch either. Actually, all the tribes are pretty even, with the new Mana perhaps being at a slight disadvantage, due to their song physical players being more “jack-of-all-trades” than anyone who stands out.

Of course, though, the big story is the reunion of Caleb and Tai. We’ve got three “Survivor Kaoh Rong” members on one tribe now, which is interesting in and of itself, but Tai and Caleb are of particular note, since out of the “Kaoh Rong Four”, they’re arguably the tightest. Malcolm becomes the voice of the audience, encouraging Tai to kiss Caleb. He obliges, we all go “Aww.”, and we head off to see what our new tribes are like.

Malcolm is in full-on snark mode at Nuku, taking in how nice the camp is. The kicker, for him, is that Nuku found the time to hang giant glass balls from the tree. He doesn’t put it particularly wittily, so it’s hard to convey in writing, but the sheer exasperation of Malcolm is simply hilarious.

J.T. comes in to harsh our buzz, reminding us that he’s on the bottom of these people, and since he doesn’t know about Mana’s dynamics from before the swap, I can’t really fault him for reaching this conclusion. What I CAN fault him for is his solution.

Think back to “Survivor Tocantins” for a minute. J.T. was a MASTER of social manipulation. This is a guy who LITERALLY got a contestant to put J.T’s victory over his own. He stopped just short of having the jury literally eat out of his hand. So, you’d expect him to put that social manipulation to heart, right? Nope! Time for another “Look for the hidden immunity idol.” scene.

Admittedly, J.T. does bring a new flare to such a scene in the way he’s able to get time to look for the idol. We’ve seen people drive others away from camp to look for the idol, but usually such scenes required a confederate to pull off. See Earl and Yau-Man’s tag-team on “Survivor Fiji” if you want a great example of this. But J.T. manages to pull one off by himself. He convinces everyone to go out snorkelling. Malcolm manages to bust the fishing spear (so we know what Rupert Boneham’s (“Survivor Pearl Islands”) court punishment will be, should he ever be convicted of something), and J.T. volunteers to go back and fetch the pliers to fix it. J.T. DOES get the pliers, but then takes the time to look for the idol. While J.T. couldn’t have PLANNED for things to work out in such a way that he could easily slip away, it’s still a mark of how charming he is that he was able to pull that off at all. Sadly for him, his hunt is not as successful as he would like. The sheer number of interesting-looking trees are too much. J.T. hunts in the old Mana bags, but finds nothing. He even, in a moment of brilliance, tries digging underneath the tribe flag. Some may scoff, since the whole “Idols are in trees” thing has become accepted canon for a reason, but J.T. is digging in a place the idol has been hidden before. It’s where Amanda dug it up from on “Survivor Micronesia”, and I applaud J.T. for remembering that obscure little bit of “Survivor” history.

Unfortunately for J.T., his lack of success costs him more than just an idol. Charming though he is, Jeff and the rest soon realize that he’s using the time to look for an idol. Logical thinking. What I DON’T get is Jeff’s dismissive attitude on the whole thing. He claims that whether or not J.T. finds an idol, it “Doesn’t matter.” Um, Jeff? On a tribe of six, on a season where splitting the votes is no longer a guarantee of success, with only ONE GUY, you want to target, finding the idol REALLY DOES MATTER! Also, why doesn’t everyone row back and try and stop J.T.? This just makes no logical sense!

Thankfully, we move over to the new Mana, who also give us another “We’re on top/We’re royally screwed!” dichotomy. About the only thing new and different is the dynamic between Caleb and Tai. Having no sense of subtlety, Tai just goes around advocating that Caleb stay. Hardly a hard sell, since Caleb is arguably the strongest one left on this tribe, with only Brad providing real competition. Honestly, Tai’s actually probably HURTING Caleb’s chances by emphasizing their connection, since that’s the most likely reason Caleb would leave this episode. Caleb does little better, revealing that the old Mana was “chaotic”, but Caleb is in the minority, and therefore has less to lose by revealing tribe dynamics.

We also find out that it was Brad’s idea to hang giant glass balls everywhere, as a tribute to Monica. Because of course it is.

Zeke gives us our requisite “Everything at this camp SUCKS!” confessional before we get into more interesting things. Ever the optimist, Cirie sees this as another chance to connect with Ozzy, and get the target off of her back. Have to admit, while the Caleb/Tai dynamic is clearly the most interesting out of any tribe, this one is a close second. But I really don’t see how this could possibly work out in Cirie’s favor. With a 5-1 majority against Troyzan, she’s disposable, and like with Sandra, on a tribe this small, challenge weakness is emphasized.

Perhaps it could work because Ozzy IS AN IDIOT! Seriously, you have even MORE of a reason to get rid of Cirie, because of the whole “challenge strength” thing, but NOW you say that you need here around. Again, 5-1 majority against Troyzan. You can lose Cirie and STILL be ok!

Ugh, now we get more requisite clips. Troyzan is on the outs, so he gets the “On the outs” confessionals. Andrea tries to throw him off the scent with a good bit of acting, but Troyzan, thankfully, can see the blatantly obvious. Not being as socially sound as J.T., Troyzan resorts to more blatant idol hunting. His fruits are rewarded, as he eventually spots a half-buried bottle with an idol clue in it. Credit for creativity, production. A note in a bottle fits with the theme, and can be found randomly, but is no so obvious that just anyone could pick it up. Troyzan then finds out that the idol is not at camp, but under the puzzle board at the challenge. In a rather funny clip, Troyzan gives a little “Thank You” at the part of the note that says you don’t have to be a puzzle-solver to get the idol. At least the man is self-aware.

Now, let the punishment of Mike Skupin commence! As mentioned in the opener, J.T. and Malcolm go off and catch a goat. before you become too impressed with their hunting skills, though, they figure out that part of this reasoning was that this mama goat had a kid, and didn’t want to get to far away from it. This, however, creates a moral dilemma, as now we’ve got a “cute factor” hurting dinner. Sandra, stone-cold killer that she is, is all for heartlessly killing those animals, and when you think about it, she’s got a point. Apart from having to do the work yourself, this is really no different than eating grocery store meat, and why not get some easy pickings? Because it’s CUTE! The rest of the tribe follows the psychological principle of “Don’t kill cute things!”, and agrees 5-1 to let the goat go. A kind of pointless scene, save perhaps to make Mike Skupin suffer, but a nice one at that. Where do I stand? I’m a bit more pragmatic that most of the people but Sandra, but even I have to admit, it would have been tough to kill a mama goat with a live kid. Plus, Michaela did have a good point in saying they don’t really need the goat. After all, they’ve got plenty of chickens. And now Tai dies a little inside.

We head off to our immunity challenge, which seems like kind of an odd choice. Not because it’s not exciting, mind you. It’s a standard obstacle course, involving a tied-together team of three going through walls and over hitches to unlock a gate to allow three other tribe members to untie knots/solve a puzzle. Pretty standard stuff, but decently fun to watch, as obstacle courses go. I do like that it’s not all strength in the initial phase, as an intermediate step is taking buckets of water over a balance beam and teeter-totter to fill another bucket to open the gate. But if that teeter-totter part sounds familiar, that’s because this challenge was used on “Survivor San Juan del Sur”. Specifically, it was the challenge that broke Missy Payne’s ankle. Yes, bring back a challenge that caused injuries in your past use of it, show, that seems like a GREAT IDEA! Hey, while we’re at it, why don’t we try “Schmergenbrawl” again? You know, that challenge from “Survivor Samoa” that injured two contestants, and forced one to be evacuated. Seems like a great idea to me!

But wait! We have three tribes, and only one idol! Does this mean we’re going to do the actual exciting twist of having only ONE tribe win, and the others go to Tribal Council? Or will we be getting Cuttler Junior to pair with Captain Cuttler? I don’t see that immunity idol dividing in two very easily. Well, actually it kind of does. Winning tribe gets the idol, second place gets the idol stand. Ok, that’s pretty funny, right up there with the “immunity butt” the third place tribe could win on “Survivor Cook Islands”. Also, winning tribe gets a tarp, and their pick of pillows, blankets, and chairs, or spices, with second place getting whatever is not picked. Not a bad way to do things, all things considered, especially as I like choices like these. I just wish the choices were more even. Spices don’t compare to pillows and blankets.

Once again, the “Survivor” team has done a great job of keeping us in the dark about which team will lose today, since we got at least some strategizing from all three. I’d say that Mana is the least likely to lose overall, since I feel like we got the least strategizing from them. Though, if they keep making stupid decisions on who to put where. Both of the other tribes are logical in their picks. For Nuku, Michaela, Malcolm, and J.T. do the physical part of the challenge, with Aubry on knots and Sandra and Jeff on the puzzle. Tavua fields Ozzy, Andrea, and Sarah on the physical part, with Troyzan on knots, and Cirie and Zeke on the puzzle. All logical choices. But for the physical part, Mana runs the “Kaoh Rong 3”, which makes little sense. Caleb is a logical choice, but Debbie is clearly puzzle-oriented, and Tai, while not the weakest overall, isn’t exactly known for his challenge performance. I suspect they were going for a “small people fit through the obstacles better.” angle, but you still need strength to get through the first part of the challenge. Plus, I would point out that this puts Brad “Basic Math is Beyond My Comprehension” Culpepper on the puzzle. And you REALLY think this is the smart move? For my money, I’d have swapped out Tai for Brad, and Hali for Debbie. As I say, you want Debbie on the puzzle, and Hali is no physical slouch. Plus, she’s small. Brad, while not the smallest, is strong enough to help make up for that difficulty, and putting him here keeps him as far away from the puzzle as possible.

Nuku runs away with it, and for a moment it looks like my prediction will come true. Tavua finishes their puzzle first, but a flash on a panel shows that it’s wrong, opening the door for Mana. But remember, Brad Culpepper is on the puzzle. It all makes no difference, and Mana ends up on the losing end at things.

Troyzan should also be commended for giving a good performance here. He makes a non-exaggerated show of collapsing against the puzzle table in relief, working his way around to the back where he grabs the idol. Nice moves, man.

Back at the camp, Tai doubles down on the whole “Not Subtle” thing, by flat out stating to his alliance that keeping Caleb is the better move. Sure enough, though, his alliance has cottoned on to the fact that Tai really likes Caleb, and now wants Caleb out first. Normally, this would be a cut-and-dried matter. After all, since Hali and Caleb likely vote for each other in this scenario, all you needs is your three votes to send Caleb packing. Brad, however, wants to be the next Aubry Bracco, and convince Tai to move against his own self-interest.

For all that I protest about Tai’s love for Caleb being about as subtle as a clown with bike horns for shoes, it IS in Tai’s best interest to keep Caleb around. Brad’s argument, which is actually quite valid, is that Tai remains a target as long as Caleb is around, because of their obvious connection. The problem, though, is from “Survivor Kaoh Rong” in general, that stigma will remain. Getting one of the “Kaoh Rong 4” out diminishes that threat somewhat, but doesn’t take it away. What it DOES do is burn a loyal ally for Tai, as well as a meat shield for him. Plus, it weakens the tribe, making it likely they will return to Tribal Council, where Tai, as another “Survivor Kaoh Rong” player, may be a target. For all that the obvious connection is a detriment, it’s ultimately in Tai’s best interest to exploit it, rather than sever it.

After getting the former Nuku members to light their torches, we get a decently exciting Tribal Council. Most of it comes from the fact that there IS genuine mystery as to who will be leaving the game, but we get some good debates as well. Hali and Caleb go all out on each other. Caleb attacks Hali as a floater who will go deep if they’re not careful, whereas he’s a strong member of the tribe who can help them win challenges. Hali throws his argument right back at him, though, by pointing out that those things that make him an asset in this phase make him a threat in the next.

As we vote, we get some agonizing from Tai that I SWEAR is staged, and Caleb is ultimately sent packing. I’m satisfied with this exit. Apart from perhaps Hali and Sierra, Caleb was the player this season who felt the most like they didn’t belong under the banner of “Game Changer”. We got what Caleb deserved: the right to be voted out properly, rather than evacuated. Now, let us never see him again.

Some would probably say this is a victory for Tai, since he voted with his head rather than his heart. I say this just shows that his head is just as easily mislead than his heart. Once again, we have Tai being led astray by a more strategic player, and, as I outlined, voted against his own self-interest. I suspect this will come back to bite Tai in the butt very soon.

This episode is sort of averagely exciting for me. We got a lot of good intrigue, but most of it is the stuff you’d normally expect after a chaotic switch. We’ve seen it before, but there’s a reason we come back again and again: it’s still fun to watch. Really, the only stand out moment was the whole “Goat Vote” thing. Still, that’s good enough for me. Time for another…

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

I WAS going to use this to highlight actual “game changing” moves in the history of “Survivor”, with J.T’s social manipulation at the raft being the highlight. However, seeing the scene proper, it seems less premeditated and more opportunistic, making this not feel like the right time for the list. However, it IS a good time to highlight an aspect of the show not often emphasized: actual survival. Yes, for a show called “Survivor”, there’s very little these days that deals with actually wilderness SURVIVAL. Granted, social survival is why we come back, but there’s still something compelling about those moments that actually look at the day to day triumphs and failures of living on an island. And we’re going to highlight the best and the worst of those today. Let us begin, as we always do, with…

TOP 5

5. Finding the Spearhead (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Even if you’re one of those Rupert haters out there, you have to acknowledge that the guy finding a spearhead just randomly out in the ocean is pretty impressive, particularly after everyone else had given it up for lost. I may be cheating a bit here, since the spear itself isn’t something you’d normally find on the island, but given the theme of persevering through obstacles being a part of island living, I say it counts.

4. Goat Hunting (“Survivor Game Changers”): For me, this really marked a blend of old and new gameplay. You’ll find that most of the entries on this list come from single-digit seasons, mainly because that’s when more emphasis was placed on physical survival than it is on the show now. Credit where credit is due, though, this was a nice throwback. While the hunt itself was not all that exciting, the social politicking afterwards was, and made for a good mix of old and new, while having enough of a “survival” feel to make the list.

3. Tom’s Shark (“Survivor Palau”): Pure, simple fun. Hunting on “Survivor” is one of the quickest and most basic survival clips you can show, and Tom’s was definitely fun. There’s just something primally amusing about his dopey “I hit it with the machete and cut it in half!” line that makes this one more memorable than this episode’s goat hunt. It loses points, though, because we only see the aftermath, and not the actual hunt itself.

2. Skupin’s Pig (“Survivor the Australian Outback”): For all that I kid the guy, Skupin WAS good in the outdoors. When he wasn’t getting himself injured, at least. While not as primal or brutal as Tom’s shark takedown, we got to see more of the planning, more of the buildup for this one than we did with Tom. With the shark, we’re TOLD what Tom did. With the pig, which the actual kill is mercifully offscreen, we for the most part are SHOWN how it came aobut, and that gives this moment an edge.

1. 2-Stick Fire (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”): On “Survivor” the only thing more basic than hunting is fire. It only makes sense, then, that fire take the number-one spot. Boston Rob (“Survivor Marquesas”) starting fire with two sticks is impressive, not because we’d never seen pre-flint fire before, but because of the method that was used. Starting a fire by rubbing two sticks together is one of those “common knowledge” survival techniques, but on the show, it so rarely works. Most pre-flint fires were using one’s glasses to magnify the sun, or a similar method. This, however, is more primal, and therefore the clear winner.

Honorable Mention: The Special Shelter (“Survivor Fiji”): Living in this shelter, Boo quipped that they were not playing “survival” but “thrival”. I have to agree. Save for maybe Koror’s kick-ass shelter on “Survivor Palau” (which was ineligible for this list due to not being made by the contestants), this is the most awesome shelter ever on the show. Now, production DID still help by giving supplies, which is why we only get an honorable mention, but as it was technically made by castaway hands, it still counts.

BOTTOM 5

5. Millennial Laziness (“Survivor Millennials vs. Gen X”): I didn’t highlight this in my premier recap of last season, but the fact that the millennial tribe did not get their shelter built immediately was playing into the stereotypes about their generation, as well as made them look doubly pathetic when the cyclone came a-knocking. I put them near the bottom because, when they did get up and do some work, their shelter was decent, but a slow start is still, technically, a survival fail.

4. Viveros’ Shelter (“Survivor Exile Island”): A lot of people don’t remember this one, since “Survivor Exile Island” kept things at four tribes for only one episode, but the young guy’s tribe was, shall we say, kind of bad at the whole “survival” thing. Their “shelter” if you can call it that, was a loose teepee of bamboo not really shored up in any way, with about a two-foot wide roof of unwoven palm fronds. When bad weather did inevitably come, they got their comeuppance. I personally rank this as the worst shelter in the show’s history, but because it wasn’t around very long, I can’t justify putting it higher on the list.

3. Rupert’s Hole (“Survivor All-Stars”): This really should be a tie with the Viveros shelter, since in my mind they’re both equally bad, but if I’m forced to rank them, ultimately Rupert’s did more damage. Yes, Rupert, dig a hole in the beach during the rainy season. I see NOTHING wrong with this whatsoever!

2. Dumping the Water (“Survivor Africa”): This one still baffles me. I get that water is heavy to carry, but it was EMPHASIZED at the beginning of this season that water would be scarce. And yet, Boran felt that dumping out a large amount of their water was a smart idea. No wonder they lost their first two challenges. The only reason this isn’t number one is because, while it did hurt the tribe initially, ultimately this didn’t impact the tribe that much.

1. Riverbed Shelter (“Survivor the Australian Outback”): Similar justification to Rupert’s hole, but gets the number one spot for having more lasting consequences. True, they didn’t lose their rice, but they still lost most of their supplies, and justifiably so. Build you shelter in the riverbed, guys, I don’t see THAT coming back to haunt you later on.

Honorable Mention: The Morgan Tribe (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): It’s a bit mean, and DEFINITELY an oversimplification, to call one whole tribe a “survival fail”, but Morgan definitely earned that title. Apart from having a terrible shelter and sucking at fishing, the fact that they couldn’t find their water source, when it was MARKED ON THE FREAKING MAP, was what pushed me over the edge. Like with Boran, Morgan did get better, which is why I left them off of the list proper, but they’re still, by and large, a fail.

Well, pretty good episode, excellent blog (save some shameful self-promotion)! Next week, the producers use my idea from earlier in the blog. I like this next episode already.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Blood vs. Water” Episode 12: A Black-Rock-Tie Affair

Our “Survivor” special today is a rare treat flown in from the Marquesas.  It’s our fabulous Stone Soup: A delightfully rare mixture, left to spoil by commercials that blatantly give away the outcome of the Tribal Council, with a piquant taste that ends in a thrilling anti-climax.  Truly, this is only the stuff of “Survivor” connoisseurs.

A delightful tease, to be sure, but we need to hit the main “Survivor” course before we get to dessert.  It seems our appetizer today is Hayden Flambé, so overstuffed that it’s overflowing.  Yes, these sorts of rants are a rare treat, only found by one fueled with rage at the loss of a close ally.  Granted the stuffing is nothing unusual, just the sort of “You’re giving the game to one person” rant.  While somewhat annoying and cliché, it does often ring true to the game situation when it’s given.  The Zapatera tribe of “Survivor Redemption Island” rejected this course, and perhaps that’s why they’re now slaving away in the kitchens of failure.  However, I’m certain that everyone here will at least somewhat seriously consider taking in this delicious…

GERVASE: I’M BEHIND THIS, MAN!

ME: Excuse me, sir, this is a fine “Survivor” Restaurant, after all, and I really must ask that you keep the volume down.

GERVASE: SCREW THAT NOISE!  I HAVEN’T BEEN GETTING NEARLY ENOUGH SCREEN TIME, AND IF REALITY TV HAS TAUGHT ME ANYTHING, IT’S THAT YELLING OBNOXIOUSLY THROUGHOUT AN EPISODE IS A SURE TICKET TO MORE SCREEN TIME.

ME: Very well, sir, but could you at least refrain from turning Hayden’s point into a joke.  I certainly accept that it doesn’t apply to you, as you’re in a good position.  I mean, you’ve had enough of a strategy that you can make an argument that you planned things, and Tyson seems to be taking the flak off of you.  There’s no reason for you to betray him right now, it’s disadvantageous.  For others, however…

GERVASE: THAT’S EXACTLY THE POINT, MAN!  I’M IN A PHENOMENAL POSITION, I’VE JUST GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT NOBODY ELSE SEES IT.  BY MAKING HAYDEN SEEM LIKE A JOKE, I PREVENT PEOPLE FROM ALLYING WITH HIM.  BESIDES, I’M THE ONE BEHIND THINGS!  I’VE HAD MY HAND ON TYSON’S BACK THE ENTIRE TIME!

ME: Please, sir, I don’t need to hear what you and Tyson have been up to when no one’s looking.

GERVASE: ALL RIGHT, I GUESS THAT’S ENOUGH FOR NOW, BUT DON’T LET THAT FOOL YOU!  I’LL BE BACK SOON ENOUGH.

Ugh, with that ruffian quieted down for the moment, I can introduce our next course.  A delicacy from Gabon: Stacked Deck-Sticks coated in Redemption Island Sauce.  Redemption Island sauce makes everything taste terrible, but our head chef, Jeff Probst, insist upon bringing it back.  I comfort myself that all it’s doing is making a mediocre dish look even more mediocre.  As I’ve stated before, I can’t stand Stacked Deck-Stick challenges.  Making a tower of cards just seems very un-“Survivor”, and this one does not even have the Balancing Bisque to offset the flavor.  The sooner this course is finished, the better.

Of course, no fine dinner is complete without table talk, and with Caleb, talk quickly turns to geographic relations.  Specifically, Caleb is calling the “Southerners Mean what they Say”  card, and cites Utah and Philadelphia as counter examples, clearly trying to single out and bait Gervase and Tyson.  Gervase takes the plunge, oddly not using the “It’s a game” argument, but instead opting to point out that Caleb himself betrayed Gervase and Tyson first.  Normally I’m not a fan of the times our guests use this argument, but in this case it’s actually justified, so I won’t throw any of them out.  Yet.

Still, for those in the “Duelist Suite”, it’s time to pay the bill, or else go home.  Laura Morett manages to pay things off easily, no surprises there, but finds that there’s no helping Tina out this time.  Indeed, talking to your opponent seems to be more of a detriment.  Neither Tina nor Caleb is able to pay in full, but a last minute wallet drop by Caleb that sends his money scattering around leads to his eviction.  Saddened, Head Chef Jeff Probst comes out to console Caleb with even more blatant and less pertinent leading questions than those served to Aras and Vytas.  Caleb does give us a funny line about how all he and Colton have in common is being male, and then leaves with little fanfare.  I’m not particularly sorry.  Though the man was good for a bit of a shake-up every now and again, he just wasn’t as good at the art of conversation as everyone else.

Ah yes, back to the Kasama Banquet Hall.  I see our next course of Idol-Hunting Stew has been served, and Laura has asked for a clue to be placed in Ciera’s bowl, and she decides to hold onto it, and smartly share it with her new allies Tyson, Gervase, and Monica.  The clue essentially reads as follows:

“The idol’s in a tree

that’s on the path to water.

If you can’t interpret that

you must be a big nutter.”

Poetry?  I think not, but it does get the alliance searching.  Hayden and Katie wisely decide to tail them and hunt as well, as the idol is pretty much Hayden’s only hope for not getting relegated to the “Duelist Suite”.  It seems that the alliance is one step ahead of him, however, and tricks him into thinking it’s on the ground.  Now if only Judd Sergeant of “Survivor Guatemala” had been that subtle.

Well, after a bit of searching, Tyson finds the idol again, thus somewhat nullifying his playing of it last episode.  He once again decides to hide it from his dining companions and… Please, sir, there’s no need to cry!  And you’re ruining the stew.  Look, I’m sure you love your girlfriend, and were sad when she left, but you can’t have come back to the game only for her.  Where’s the fight you had in you?

Ah well, while he’s getting his emotions in order, let’s check in on the conversation.  It seems that Hayden is talking to Gervase about not playing for second and how Gervase should join with himself and Katie and… wait, Gervase is in this conversation.  No.  No!  NO!  Stop right…

GERVASE: HAYDEN’S ONLY FOOLING HIMSELF, MAN!  THERE’S NO WAY I’D GO WITH HIM!  I’M SET UP WITH TYSON RIGHT NOW.  NO SENSE NOT KEEPING MY OPTIONS OPEN, BUT STILL, NOT GONNA FLIP RIGHT NOW.

ME: Once again, sir, you show great common sense, but I do wish you’d do it at a lower volume.

In any case, it’s time for the main course of this episode: Immunity Challenge Medley!  We’ve gathered the finest ingredients from around the “Survivor” World to bring you this dish.  We start off boldly with “Hold the small thing on the pole of ever-increasing length” from Samoa, give the flavor a kick with Balance Beam Bouillabaisse all the way from Borneo, and end in an unsatisfying, lackluster finish of Bamboo Shoot Knockdown from the Philippines.  And, as a kicker, it’s a la mode!  While the ending is a bit lame, and leaves something to be desired, this is still one of the best dishes we’ve served all season.  It’s a unique combination of flavors that will be remembered and retasted for hours afterward, and is a daring combination of skills that leaves at least this connoisseur thoroughly satisfied.

My, my!  I’ve never seen people eat with such gusto.  Big eater Monica seems to be the frontrunner, no surprise, but Gervase is right in there, and Tyson’s somehow still in the game at the end.  For once, a surprise: our victor is Gervase this time.  Most excellent job, sir.

GERVASE: AW YEAH, BABY!  YOU DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

ME: Well, you’ve earned it.  And the big surprise this week is that it’s buy 1 get 2 free.  Two other tablemates will also be receiving the a la mode.

GERVASE: OH YEAH!  I’M GOING WITH MONICA AND TYSON!

ME: Excellent choices, sir.  They reaffirm your alliance, and surprise no one.  Plus, by inviting several people, you make it so that at worst, you split the vote evenly.

But it seems there’s been a complaint.  Hayden does not think that eating a la mode right at the table is dignified, and uses this as a conversation starter with Ciera.  He points out, rightly I might add, that’s she’s fourth, and it might be good for her to therefore jump ship and hopefully have a shot at the final three.  When she seems hesitant, Hayden pulls the “Gervase is with us.” play in the hope that Gervase is actually with them.  Gervase looks up from his a la mode long enough to inform Hayden that he isn’t, as there’s no strategic to either himself or Ciera.  Himself, I’ll agree with, but not Ciera.  While I personally would rather have Tyson, Gervase, and Monica around to the end, Ciera’ best move, at this point, is to vote off one of the three, thereby securing herself as a strategic threat, and also ensuring that she’s in the final 3, a truly desirable table setting if ever there was one.  However, she flatly rejects the offer along with Gervase.  I’m sure nothing else will come of it.

Before we serve up the final course, I think it’s time for some closing speeches.  We’ve heard most of them, expertly picked apart and twisted by Hayden to try and get Ciera to flip.  I must admit, though the outcome seems a foregone conclusion, he’s doing an amazing job of arguing his case.  Why, I’m almost tempted to join him, and I’m not even attending the dinner.  Only one person has yet to speak.

GERVASE: THAT’S BULL!

ME: What is, sir?

GERVASE: WHAT HAYDEN JUST SAID ABOUT CIERA BEING ON THE BOTTOM!  WE’VE BEEN STRAIGHT UP WITH HER FROM THE BEGINNING, WE’RE HONEST GUYS WHEN PEOPLE ARE HONEST WITH US.

ME: Frankly, sir, that’s the TRUE bullshit.  And really, can you quiet down?  They can hear you over in the “Duelist Section”.  They’re laughing their heads off right now at that statement.

GERVASE: I DON’T CARE IF IT’S FALSE!  I DON’T CARE IF IT ISN’T HELPING MY POSITION AT ALL.  IT’S THE TRUTH, OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT I WANT CIERA TO THINK.  AND IF IT DOES COME TO A TIE, YOU CAN BET I’M GOING TO MAKE THE SITUATION WORSE BY INSISTING UPON DRAWING ROCKS, AND NOT LEAVING ANY ROOM FOR DIPLOMACY.

This needs to end, and it needs to end now.  I’m skiving off my shift early so that I don’t have to put up with any more of Gervase’s yelling.  Still, I should probably finish summing up the episode.  Against all odds, Ciera does the right thing twice, and for the first time since “Survivor Marquesas”, we go to a tiebreaker of drawing rocks.  I would say purple rocks, but it seems that while the rocks were to have been color-coordinated to the season originally, they’ve now stopped doing that so as to stock the same rocks, and are simply going with black and while.  Either that, or “Survivor” is now sponsored by the Black Panthers, as when drawing rocks, black is good and white is bad.  Pretty much everyone agrees to do the rocks, though Tyson (one of the three now vulnerable, along with Katie and Ciera) tries to diplomacy things away, to no avail.  In the end, we get a major anticlimax of Katie going home, and I’m certainly not sorry.  Though she was my female pick to win the whole thing, and she did pretty well, she was just kind of boring.  even Hayden managed to redeem himself this episode with great strategic gameplay.  Overall, I have to say I was also happy to see a tie that was NOT AT THE FINAL 4 for the first time in a long time.  So, why do I call it spoiled?  Well, because the commercials on tv left ABSOLUTELY no doubt that they were going to rocks. I could understand HINTING that the rocks might be drawn.  Indeed, that might even have been more surprising, as most would assume that the commercial would exaggerate, and then turn out to be true.  But no, they outright say that the rocks will be drawn, eliminating the tension from the episode for all who saw it.  The anticlimactic result was also a downer, though I am overall happy with the outcome, and had to admit there was some logic to Gervase’s insistence on going to rocks.  His alliance only had a 33.4% chance of losing that gamble, to a 66.6% chance for the others.

So yeah, I liked this episode for some rare events and GREAT strategy (even if Gervase was a bit annoying), but before I end it off, since I’ve never had the chance before, let me give my thoughts on the use of the rock tiebreaker.  I’m of two minds about this strategy, as when I first came upon it, I despised it.  It seemed totally unfair to me that the people who were voted for become immune, and I just couldn’t find any logic to it.  In the intervening years, however, I have overcome the issue of “fairness” on “Survivor”, and have also figured out the motive for this particular tiebreaker method.  Specifically, it discourages ties.  I suspect some focus group somewhere said that ties aren’t good tv, and so by making yourself vulnerable by forcing a tie, it discourages them.  On the other hand, I contest the “ties aren’t good tv” bit, by pointing out how marketable this tie was for the show.  Overall, I still don’t like it very much, and think the true thing to do would be to have the people voted for draw rocks, but I can sympathize with the producers.

Things are heating up, so I’d better cool off.  See you next week!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Blood vs. Water” Episode 9: Cheeseburger Debates

Ladies and Gentlemen!  Please welcome tonight’s opening act, the Great Vytas-ini, the world’s worst magician!  Watch as he manages to make any tension during the first half of the episode DISAPPEAR!  And let’s not forget his lovely assistants, the “Survivor” Editing Team, who will do the same for the second half of the episode.  Before our show starts, however, a few reminders.  Please be aware that any photographic and video recording devices are not permitted during the show.  Anyone found with such devices will have them confiscated, and be asked to leave the premises.  Smoking is not permitted in the theatre, and for the kindness of your fellow audience members, please turn off all things electronic and beeping.  We’d also like to take this time to mention the fact that our show is sponsored by:

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Yes, this mess-up is a bit unique, in that it actually spans two blogs!  I meant to comment on this in the last one, but due to sheer length, and a lot happening in that episode, I forgot to.  As such I will address it now.  My mess-up is that, during the episode where Kat got voted off, I neglected to deride her for her complaints that Laura M. was “cheating” by looking at John’s puzzle.  To be fair, I derided Kat for a lot of things, but that’s no excuse to miss this one.  I’ve complained about others doing it in the past, and Kat is no exception.  It’s “Survivor”.  The concept of fairness is minimal at best.  Your job is to get ahead of the competition by any means necessary.  If they neglect to cover up or destroy their puzzle, use that to your advantage.  I’ve heard some people claim that it truly is unfair as Laura had a better vantage point that Kat, but again, since when is “Survivor” fair?  Also, Kat could either A: have looked on Laura’s puzzle since Laura was further ahead of her at that time, or B: run over to John’s puzzle, either to destroy it or get a better look.  And yet, rather than be proactive, Kat instead chose to complain and lose.  Did I mention how glad I am that she’s gone?

Well, moving on to the episode, we see that Super Vytas is using his power of super serenity (no, it is not the super power to summon “Purple Brenda” Lowe from “Survivor Caramoan”), to keep himself outwardly calm in the face of Aras’ exit.  Privately, he admits that it tears him up inside, and that he wants revenge, particularly against Tyson, but to the public eye, he soldiers on.  Good for him.  I’ve said in the past that I understand the reactions of the betrayed, but think it’d be in their best interests to keep it under wraps.  Vytas lives that out.  Good for you, man.  Props also go to Tyson for unflinchingly schmoozing Vytas by going up and hugging him, despite having just voted off his closest ally.

Of course, for every good bit of strategy, there is a bad one, and Kasama is no exception.  Tina, of all people, falls victim to bad social posturing by doing the old “Call out the betrayers by saying they’ll get no votes at final tribal” gambit.  Yes, she’s clearly frustrated at the betrayal, and I don’t begrudge her those emotions.  However, this is a STUPID way to go about expressing them, as it only angers the people you want to keep you in the game.  And this coming from TINA, one of the best social game players in the early seasons.  God, Tina, what happened to you?  Also, I have to say, I find the argument that Tina’s using unjustified, and not just because it didn’t include Gervase when he was the one made out to be the biggest traitor.  It’s true, betray does bring animosity, but not everyone on the jury will see it that way, and if the finals are made up of ONLY traitors, well, you have to give the million to one of them!  There, perfect counter-argument, Tina has no leg to stand on.

Fortunately, as seems to be often the case on this show, morning brings sanity, and Tina, realizing her days are numbered, releases Katie from any ties to her.  Tina thinks Katie has a better shot than she does to stay (despite the fact that for most of the episode, Katie is the name of the two that’s bandied about more), and should not hold herself to one alliance just because Tina is her mother.  I both love and hate this scene.  I love it because it gives Katie the freedom to make moves, and prevents any angry family war scenes that I feared at the start of this season.  I hate it because it’s a bad move for Tina.  In the face of this sort of coalition, you will unite, or you will fall.  Tina, your move with Katie was very classy, but it’s just not smart.  Unless you two plan to split the money should only one of you win, in which case I’m VERY annoyed at this season, as such a pact ruins the gameplay.  Katie makes the token “I don’t know how I’ll do it.” speech, which I buy in that Katie hasn’t had much gameplay experience, and therefore probably DOESN’T know how to proceed.  Anyway, the two come back from tree-mail, and we head to a challenge.

Let’s get ready to RUUUUUUUUUMBLE!  You’ve seen the epicness that was “The Rumble in the Jungle”.  You’ve heard of the mighty clash of titans in “The Thrilla in Manila”.  But now, Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare yourself for the ultimate clash of the titans, a battle for the ages, the one that will decide, once and for all, who the supreme being is.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you “The Commotion by the Ocean”.  In the red corner, we have our reigning champion: Butod!  Yes, this beetle larva may look like a small-fry, but don’t be fooled!  I can dodge and weave like nobody’s business, wriggles going down, and is known to have a mean left hook.  But our challenger is no pushover either!  In the blue corner, we have our challenger, Gervase Peterson.  He squared off against Butod during the finals of the Borneo championship, and definitely came off the worse for wear.  Now, 13 years later, Jumpin’ Gervase Peterson is back for revenge!  Will his patented left-right slap be enough to conquer the Butod, or is this just one battle Gervase is not meant to win?

Well, before we get to that, we have some pre-game analysis to look over.  In case it wasn’t obvious, this is a gross food challenge, which I’m ok with, despite being reused.  It’s a challenge that can easily by tailored to the locale, and is just a classic staple of “Survivor”.  That said, I’m overall not a fan of this iteration of the challenge, particularly the final round.  The food is certainly gross, so it earns points in the challenging department, but none of it is very distinctive.  The first round is mealworms, which Vytas, Tyson, Gervase, Monica, Caleb, and Hayden all manage to get down.  I was a bit surprised that Tina didn’t last longer, given her bragging about her suppressed gag reflex on “Survivor The Australian Outback”.  Then again, Tina threw up there as well, so perhaps she’s just overselling herself.  The next round is pig intestine (probably the best of the three rounds), which makes the crime of diffusing the tension of the episode by NOT having Vytas progress (evidently the super gag suppression only lasts for a short stretch of time) and instead having Monica and Gervase (both members of the majority alliance) progress.  Here we get the infamous Butod round, and now comes my displeasure.  For all that pig intestine and mealworms weren’t the most unique food challenge “Survivor” has ever produced, I’ll concede they were at least original to this season.  The Butod, however, I must put my food down on.  I concede that Butod may be indigenous to the area, but my gripe is that it’s a food already done mixed in with new ones.  Consistency is my only desire here, folks.  Furthermore, I get the sneaking suspicion that the final round would have been different had Gervase not made it.  This is just too good to be true, there’s no WAY they didn’t specifically put Butod in the challenge, hoping Gervase would make it.  To be fair, however, it WAS very funny to see Gervase try and eat them, as well as his reaction to them.

Monica, as you might expect, wins immunity, so it seems to be a sure bet that Super Vytas is going home.  All that’s left is to get us our obvious misdirection.  It comes in the form of Hayden actually speaking, specifically with Super Vytas.  Super Vytas uses his powers of deduction to correctly conclude that the majority will split the votes 4-3 with himself and someone else, just to prevent any idol surprises.  Super Vytas, however, begs Hayden to split the vote so that the 4 goes to the other person and not him, promising Hayden and later Tyson that they will have a sub-alliance and his eternal gratitude.  The Hoarder admits to us that he’s got no intention of siding with Super Vytas against his good spot, and Wisecracker seems to be going the same way.  Not that I blame them, Super Vytas’ arguments are not very smart.  Look, I respect that you need to make the jury like you, and that there are no guarantees when it comes to challenges, but Vytas is both a physical and mental threat who needs to be taken down.  Super Vytas then, however, makes the one logical argument, which is that if he goes, the women have majority, which is very bad for Tyson, Caleb, Gervase, and Hayden.  This makes Wisecracker take notice, but I’m still not convinced.  Like I said, Super Vytas is just too much of a threat.

He’s not the only one who wants to help his situation, however.  Despite having immunity, Monica is paranoid.  Ok, the other times I could kind of understand it, but now Monica’s really looking over her shoulder way too much.  It’s bound to make other people distrust her.  I’m usually not one to agree with Laura, but I have to say, for once I’m on her side.  Monica: YOU HAVE IMMUNITY!  I understand wanting to play proactively to keep yourself in the game longer, but this is just going way too far!

Still, if there was any doubt in my mind that Super Vytas was going to get the axe tonight, it was dispelled by Super Vytas’ performance at Tribal Council.  The man who’s the master of subtlety in tight spots, the man who would try and talk his way out of anything, utterly blows his only chance by emphasizing repeatedly how he wants to get revenge for Aras-Man.  This determination and drive makes him too much of a threat to keep around, and pretty much ensures his demise.  Not even a commercial break during Probst’s getting of the votes can make this Tribal Council have any sense of tension.  Predictably, Vytas (his loss demotes him from his superness) leaves, and while I’m a supporter of Tyson’s alliance, and am therefore very happy they made the smart decision, I’m still sorry to see him go.  Save for one or two instances, Vytas played with a lot of class, a great social game, and a pretty decent strategic game.  On top of that, he was fun to watch, and I am officially on the bandwagon for bringing Vytas back at some point, just on his own merits.

Well, that was a short episode, if I do say so myself.  How thoroughly unsatisfying.  No, of course that’s not what happens, it’s a good-old double elimination episode, which I’m happy for if only because it will speed us towards a more interesting strategy.

Not that the last Tribal Council was uneventful, however.  No, Vytas’ comments stung Monica a little too close to home.  Turns out she’s STILL sore about the Brad thing, and wants revenge against Vytas for her husband’s sacrifice.  Accordingly, she switches her vote to Vytas (all the girls were supposed to go Katie), which ultimately makes no difference, but is a very dumb move.  Monica, did you WATCH “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”?  Did you SEE what happened to Tyson when he did the exact same thing?  Do you understand the OUTRAGE I feel at a dumb move like that?

While Monica may not understand, Gervase certainly does.  He rightly points out that this could have cost any of them the game, had Vytas had the idol, and makes him mistrustful of Monica.  What can I say, good thinking on the part of Gervase, bad thinking on the part of Monica.

Seeing as how nothing interesting could possibly be happening at camp, we head over to Redemption Island, where Aras tries to remain calm, as Vytas blames him for their current predicament.  These is the usual bland sort of interviews we get at Redemption Island, so I am then very thankful that we move quickly on to the great “Cheeseburger Debates”!  The topic this time: “Be it resolved that you are on Redemption Island, and therefore you are out of the game.”  Vytas has drawn the affirmative side, while Aras assumes the negative side.  This has been a debate amongst “Survivor” fans since the inception of Redemption Island.  On the one hand, people on Redemption Island have been voted out, but on the other hand, they’re still influencing the game, so are they really “out”?  To put in my two cents, I personally say their out, if only for my disdain that the Redemption Island twist.  Sure, they still influence the game, but so, to a degree, do jury members.  Still, Aras’ argument that he’s not eating a cheeseburger, and is therefore still in the game, is quite compelling.

Time for another immunity challenge.  Today’s challenge hearkens to us from “Survivor Nicaragua”, specifically the final immunity challenge of that season.  Balancing a sword on a pedestal, castaways will balance coins of various sizes (as dictated by Jeff Probst) on the hilt, making a small tower of coins.  The last one with a standing tower wins.  This one earns my ire less for not being overdone, but I’d still prefer an original challenge, or at least one more epic in scale.  Still, that sword was pretty badass-looking, so I guess this challenge is ok.

Following the token “People falling out comedically early” (Ciera and Monica, in this case), we end up with Katie of all people winning immunity.  Good on her.  Encouragement from her mom probably helped, though I have to say, Tina, given that the alliance wanted Katie out before you, and she’s the only other person on the outside, perhaps it would have been better for you to wish for your daughter to fall.  Oh well, c’est, as they say, la vie.  Cue obvious misdirection of whether or not the alliance will turn on Monica.

And come it does, in spades.  No real need to talk about it, it’s mostly just conversing amongst alliance mates, particularly Gervase (odd, given that of everyone there, I think his name’s come up the LEAST in terms of word of mouth, save for possibly Hayden).  So, what will Tina do to improve her situation?  Yeah, she had a misstep after Aras’ blindside, but she’s still quite the savvy player.  Surely she’ll come up with a great strategy, full of shock and nuance, one that could completely change the game!

She goes idol hunting.  The most hackneyed, overdone, antisocial, rarely effective strategy ever, and THIS is what Tina thinks is the best bet?

The flaws in this plan become obvious when Tyson, Caleb, and Hayden all take it upon themselves to babysit Tina the entire day, thus not allowing her to search for an idol that isn’t even there.  Have to admire Tyson, though, for being so committed to keeping the idol secret (quite rightly, I would say) that he’ll even waste a day babysitting Tina to keep it under wraps.

Paranoia is still rampant in Monica, however, and it’s not unjustified when, after questioning Laura and Tyson about what they’d do if by some chance Tina DOES have the idol, Laura immediately replies “split the vote”.  Of course, there’s no one left outside the alliance who isn’t immune to split the vote with, so Monica of course believes it to be her.  Given that she IS the other target, however, this does little but make me more annoyed at Monica.  The misdirection here is somewhat better than with Vytas, but my money’s still on Tina.

Tina will not go, however, if Probst has anything to say about it.  Seriously, it’s like he hand-picked those questions to set Tina up to make a good argument as to why she should stay, and that Monica’s untrustworthy.  To her credit, Tina steps up to the plate, and gives a MASTERFUL Tribal Council performance.  She manages to promote herself, arouse suspicion about the idol (even if I thought she overplayed it right before voting), and get Monica to make herself look worse.  THIS is where my doubts about the vote start to be raised.

After a fairly funny fake-out from Tina, we see that Probst’s pleas have done nothing, and Tina goes home.  I won’t miss her as much as I’ll miss Vytas, but I’ll still miss her.  While I feel she wasn’t as nice as she was on her previous seasons, and that she had some major gameplay gaffes, I can’t deny that she still had some masterful moments, and I think I came to appreciate her more as a character than I have before.  However, I must be happy that the alliance continues it’s domination, so I’m ready to see Tina leave at the next Redemption Island duel.

Yeah, this was not the best showing for this season.  It wasn’t a BAD episode overall, at least there was nothing cringe-worthy, but it was exceedingly predictable, and nothing of great interest happened.  I didn’t hate it, though, and this episode was good for a lot of jokes on this blog, so points there.  Hopefully next week can be more groundbreaking.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Blood vs. Water” Episode 7: I’m Your Vytas, Snuff Your Fire

Kat must be having an adverse effect on me.  A fantastic, unpredictable episode with great strategy, and all I can think about is how it left a bad taste in my mouth.  I’m inclined to blame Probst for this, but let’s take a closer look at the episode, and see if the blame’s warranted (spoiler alert: it is).

As per the norm these days, we start off at Redemption Islands, where Kat is complimenting herself on not crying this time.  Give it time, my dear, give it time.  Laura M. and John try to give her some consolation, but it seems that what Kat is really worried about is whether or not Hayden will still want to go out with her, due to the logic that “No one wants to date someone who didn’t make the merge.”  Well, my dear, Spencer Duhm (“Survivor Tocantins”) might disagree with you on that point.  Maybe you should chat with him.  Still, this interview perfectly demonstrates why it is that Kat is an insult to the game of “Survivor”: she blatantly doesn’t care.  I’m not saying I want her to start crying again, but she should be a bit more upset about losing the game than worrying illogically about losing her boyfriend.  Dear, this is not the sort of thing people break up over.  And if they do, well, then they’re pathetic, shallow, and definitely not worth your time.  Keep a stiff upper lip.

Hmm, that’s odd, the forecast didn’t call for rain this episode.  I wonder why it’s so wet?  Ah yes, Kat’s crying again.  Oh goody, the thing you said you weren’t going to do!  Please leave as soon as possible.

As if on command, we head over to the Redemption Island duel, where Hayden is understandably put out that Kat was voted off.  After a nice hug and confirmation that Hayden is NOT a ginormous douchebag (he says he won’t break up with Kat over this), Kat repays Hayden’s kindness by saying that the two of them would have played together come the merge.  Gee, Kat, great way to put a target on Hayden’s back, should you survive today’s duel.  Speaking of which, we get to the duel, right?  Right?  Please?

No, we have to endure the great sin of this episode: Probst overstepping his boundaries.  Hayden makes the grandiose statement that his love for Kat is worth more than the game.  Probst challenges him on that statement by saying he can prove that right now by switching with Kat, and taking the challenge himself.  Of course,
a cliffhanger this good needs a commercial, so I’ll use this time to talk about my issue with Probst here.

Probst has two jobs on “Survivor”: He serves as the audience surrogate/commentator, by making observations, asking questions we want the answer to, and making things a bit clearer, particularly with regards to challenges.  His second job is to ask poignant questions to get people thinking, hopefully stirring up some drama at Tribal Council.  I can also understand why he went to where he did: this could arguably fall under “inadvertently stir up trouble” category, and with a lead-in like Hayden’s, it’s very tempting.  My problem here is that Probst has gone from inadvertently influencing the game to try and get people to think, to directly influencing the outcome of certain events.  For all that Probst’s questions are meant to cause trouble, it could be argued that he’s just an innocent bystander, and that his questions are not directed toward any one outcome.  Here, Probst is DIRECTLY influencing the game by challenging Hayden’s relationship, in a sense, trying to ruin Hayden’s game for the sake of drama.  This is clearly NOT what Probst is supposed to be doing, and to top it all off, it’s taking the show in the “How many relationships can we destroy?” direction that I despise and fear.  I have the utmost respect for Probst overall.  When he’s on form, which is most of the time, he nails being the host, and no one could ever really replace him in my eyes.  However, this goes way too far, and is a major contributing factor in my dislike of this particular episode.

The one saving grace of this whole matter is that it doesn’t work.  Like many great plans, it is ruined by Kat opening her mouth.  She asks Hayden how he’s doing in the game, to which he replies “Not bad.” (a fair assessment).  This makes Probst turn his attention to Kat, thus taking the pressure off Hayden to ruin his game for no reason other than a challenge to it by Probst.  Probt asks Kat WHY she might want Hayden to switch with her, to which she replies that he’d be better at the duel than she would be, because she sucks at puzzles.  Say what you will about Kat, at least she’s become self-aware.  Hayden decides to talk it out with her, which is a smart move, as it makes him able to make the point of  “I have a better shot in this game than you do.” without being blunt about it, and without sounding like an ass.  Taking this to heart, Kat decides to play, a good decision for them as a pair, but not for Kat.

Oh, I suppose I have to talk about the challenge now.  Once again, it’s a hybrid rehash, combining the “Chop a rope to get puzzle pieces” element first seen in “Survivor Guatemala” with the fire puzzle element from the final episode of “Survivor Caramoan”, thus giving Probst a chance to give Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”) another plug.  There’s another problem, Probst: I like Cochran a lot, but you should focus on the players from THIS season, not the one immediately before it.  Still, while it’s a simple challenge, the puzzle is nice and difficult, one that I particularly like, and the most I can muster is a “meh” in the general direction of this challenge.

Quite predictably, Kat loses, and I’m not sorry to see her go.  She was whiny, brought nothing to the game, and was, quite frankly, an insult.  May she never be brought back again.

Fallout from Kat’s exit comes in the form of Hayden, who’s understandably broken up by his loss, but looks on the bright side: now he can play his own game.  And play he can, as Tyson has his own designs, forming an alliance with himself, Gervase, Hayden, Caleb, and Ciera to the final 5, the goal being to split up Aras and Super Vytas, who will apparently enter into a good-and-evil alliance come the merge, to dominate the entire island.  With the merge evidently drawing closer (and is in fact imminent, as evidenced by the “Next Time On” segment), it’s time to start targeting the bigger threats than you, and while I think the original alliance is overall more solid and trustworthy, if only because with returnees you have a better idea of what their play-style is, it’s always good to keep your options open. Acting on it pre-merge might be a bit much (put Tina and Monica against you that early?  Bad idea.), but with the way things are now, it’s a good move.

Still, for all that he’s not the most interesting character, Aras is no dummy.  While his strategy on “Survivor Exile Island” might have won more by a fluke than anything, in my opinion, that doesn’t make it a bad strategy on it’s .  There’s no way Aras can’t tell something’s up, particularly when he offers the tribe a meditation session and they send him off on his own, right?  He’s gotta see what’s going on, right?

Not if the interviews are to be believed!  Played hilariously close to Tyson’s betrayal is Aras’ confession about how happy he is that he’s in such a good position, with allies he can trust.  Aras, was Kat’s stupidity on Galang contagious?  You can’t seriously be that deluded.  But evidently he can, and I feel great shame for Aras.  The poor guy is toast.

Meanwhile, at Galang, Super Vytas is making use of his unique ability to exude super-pheremones.  Or, at least, Tina wishes he would do that.  Super Vytas, while seeming to take an interest in this mild-mannered hedge fund support worker, is really just exuding a friendly bond with the only other loved one on Galang, while Tina mothers her and wishes for Grandchildren.  On the one hand, this is very sweet, but on the other hand, it makes Katie, who’s been very quiet up until this point, seem like even more of a non-entity.  Very bad from a viewer’s perspective.

Just because he’s not exuding pheromones, though, doesn’t mean Super Vytas isn’t exuding OTHER things.  No, Super Vytas, evidently having drained intelligence from Aras-Man during their last encounter, is turning on his Super Charm, an ability based upon his backstory that turns everyone’s brain in the vicinity to mush, so that they both love him and buy his blatant lies.  Really, Super Vytas, the hardest part of the whole game is being dishonest?  Please.

Turning on the serious for the moment, though, I must give Super Vytas tons of credit, he is playing hard and well!  I can’t say I’d buy his spiel if I were out there, but he’s managing to gain the women’s trust despite having been on the outs from the get-go, and he’s quite good at keeping his head down.  Overall, he’s doing AMAZINGLY well, all things considered.  If anything, he seems to be taking a leaf out of the Chris Daugherty (“Survivor Vanuatu”) book of strategy, and given that Chris is, in my opinion, one of the smartest and most deserving winners of the game ever, I can’t really complain.

CHALLEBNGE TIME!  And John Kirhoffer, I must say you’re stepping up your game!  Two original non-Redemption Challenges in a row, this I can get behind!  Four Tribe members are chained together at the ankles, and the two on the ends have a hand chained to a spiral.  Once they’re undone their hand from the spiral, the four must then walk through a series of bamboo steps and crawls, undoing bags of chains and balls along the way.  Once they’re reached the end, the remaining tribe member will then attach balls to chains, and attempt to throw them around a series of posts.  First tribe to land 3 ball-and-chains on the posts win immunity and a fried chicken feast.  Kind of a step down from steak in my opinion, but what’re you going to do?  While this challenge still technically isn’t entirely original, as bamboo crawls, throwing things on posts, and being chained together are all “Survivor” staples, we’ve never seen them thrown together like this, and the added addition of the “undo your hand from the spiral” bit was a major plus.  On top of that, this challenge got a lot more physical than I would have anticipated, but in a good way, and I always enjoy a challenge where you need to take elements from the challenge and construct them into a new element for the challenge, like with the balls and chains, so I’m well pleased all things considered.

Despite a declaration from Galang that they will win for Vytas’ sake, Tina’s throwing skills just can’t quite match Tyson’s, and Tadhana goes off in triumph to pig out under Tyson’s gloating.  Let’s face it, unless there’s an idol clue involved, not a lot happens when the winners feast, so let’s see how Galang’s getting along.

Yes, it seems that Laura “Bonehammer” Boneham has taken a particular liking to Vytas.  So much so that while she still has to kill him, but she’ll kill him with kindness.  She publicly and tearfully declares that Vytas is the next to go, which Vytas seems somewhat miffed about, but takes it in stride.  Laura B. admits that this might not have been the smartest move she could have made, but it felt good, and might net her a leadership position in the long run.

Irony, however, is a cruel mistress, and we see that Laura’s move may have in fact backfired on her.  Monica in particular is miffed that she wasn’t included in any discussion of whether or not to tell Vytas, and says it makes Laura untrustworthy.  Katie agrees, and takes the idea to Tina, who’s a bit hesitant, but is not immune to the possibility, even telling Vytas to give him some hope.  I have to admit, at first, I was not wild on a strategic level about voting out Laura over Vytas.  This was the first time Laura’s done something like this, that’s maybe being a bit harsh, and on top of that, there’s no way she sides with the old Tadhana, whereas Vytas could easily go back and reunite them.  But then I got to thinking about it a bit more, and realized that it’s the smart move for everyone except Monica.  Now’s the right time to start thinking about the merge (at least from an outsider’s perspective), and even in Laura Morett makes it back into the game (and the smart money’s on her, I’d say), that’s only 3 couples still intact if Vytas survives, two if he doesn’t.  That’s a huge target on all couples, one of these being Tina and Katie.  If Vytas goes, and John ends up coming back, that puts large targets on both of their backs.  If, however, Vytas remains in the game, then he and Aras are the couple to beat, by everyone’s standards.  This is a great deal of safety in a tempestuous time in the game, and a very good strategy.  Plus for Katie, it has the added bonus of another safety net for her should the merge not occur when they think it will.

Still, even I’m clueless as to who will go as we march off to Tribal Council.  Probst goes right for the jugular this time, getting at Laura about strategizing at camp.  Talk turns to, and focuses solely on, Vytas vs. Laura B for elimination, and here’s another part that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  I can’t say exactly what it was, but something about Probst’s demeanor was off tonight.  He was a little too personal, a little too cutthroat, and I just didn’t like it.  Still, he does a good job hiding who’s going, until he asks Laura a question that makes her make an offhand comment about how winners are a threat, which gets Tina, as a former winner, on edge.  At that point it’s all downhill, the suspense is killed dead, thus making the episode worse, and Laura goes home.  While on a personal level I’m disappointed, as it seems that the chances of a Boneham taking home the prize now seem minimal, I can’t say I’m sorry to see Laura B. go.  She wasn’t the worst character, but she was very one note and brought little to the game, whereas I’m liking Vytas more and more with each episode.  So if one of them had to go, I guess better her than Vytas.

You, however, shouldn’t go anywhere, as it’s once again time for another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

Yeah, been a while since we’ve seen one of these, huh?  Well, the truth is, while this season has been pretty good, certainly surpassing my expectations, nothing in it has been so earth-shattering that it’s merited a list.  One could argue that since the merge is next week, and I usually do one at the merge, I should save it, but I don’t think we’ve quite hit our quota yet.  As there was nothing particularly good that was NEW to this episode, this season won’t be appearing on the list.  However, I said I quite liked the Redemption Island puzzle, and that’s a good a subject as any.  This is my list of the best, and worst, “Survivor” puzzles!

 

TOP 5

5. Fire Puzzle (“Survivor Caramoan”): While this might seem a bit low, there’s a lot of good puzzles out there.  Still, to its credit, this puzzle was difficult, unique, vertical (something we don’t often see, which is a plus), and difficult enough to be very enjoyable.

4. Battering Ram Maze (“Survivor China”): As I said earlier, I love it when challenges use elements from earlier in the challenge in a new way, and the battering ram maze was a great example of that.  It does lose some points for being a bit on the easy side, but it was still a lot of fun, and a great idea.

3. Sliding Cloth Puzzle (“Survivor Marquesas”): An oldie, but a goodie, and definitely one of “Survivor”’s more unique challenge ideas, this challenge had people sliding a large net of cloth around, strip by strip, to make a picture displayed by Probst for immunity.  Another deceptively simple one, I think I like this one mostly because it was “Survivor” working with different material than we’d previously seen.  It was also hilarious to watch Maraamu crumble during that challenge.

2. Compass (“Survivor Cook Islands”): While not the most exciting puzzle to look at, difficulty does count on this list, and the compass, simply put, was one of the most difficult challenges ever devised by the show.  Kudos there.

1. Counting Combinations (“Survivor Exile Island”): Rarely will I say Exile Island had the best anything, but this was an awesome puzzle.  Combination locks were nothing new on “Survivor”.  Nor, particularly, were memory challenges.  Combine the two, however, and you have a tense, demanding challenge that can’t be beat in my book!

Honorable Mention: Math Riddle (“Survivor Gabon”): Another one high up on the difficulty level, it only stays off the list proper because it didn’t feel very “Survivor”.  I do like the idea of brain teasers on “Survivor” though, and wish they’d come up more often.

 

BOTTOM 5

 

5. Build the Archaeology Tent (“Survivor Guatemala”): Have to admit, even I’m not sure why I don’t like this one.  It’s a unique puzzle, somewhat challenging, and certainly fits the theme of the season.  I guess the only thing negative I can say about it is that the general name of the concept just seemed lame.  Still, not a bad idea over all, which is why it sits at number 5.

4. Memory Match (“Survivor One World”): Normally I’m a fan of memory challenges, but this one just didn’t seem challenging enough.  I liked the element of having to decide when to stop people looking, and we did get some funny back and forth between Kat and Troyzan.  But, as I’ve said before, I just don’t find such challenges difficult enough.

3. Word Scramble (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Feel like I’m beating a dead horse here!  Once again, a case of glad they tried something new, but seemed un-“Survivor” and wasn’t challenging enough.

2. Logo Puzzles (“Survivor Samoa”): Now this is being a bit harsh, as “Survivor Samoa” was not the only offender in this category.  It was, however, the first.  Traditional-style puzzles are nothing new to “Survivor”, and while they don’t stand out, they’re normally not bad either, and the production team can be very creative with what they put on them.  However, in recent years, they’ve taken to it just being the logo for the season, which gets old really fast, and is one of the less-challenging iterations of said puzzle.

1. Counting 1-100 (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Yeah, you all knew this was coming, so I don’t need to rant long about it.  It’s a simple, stupid challenge that has no business being on “Survivor”.

Honorable Mention: Flag Billboard (“Survivor South Pacific”): This one would have gotten a pass from me as just a less-memorable one, but only having 6 simple pieces, plus the help of tribemates who could see the whole picture really drag this one down.

 

Well, perhaps the merge will perk me up again…

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.