“Survivor” Top 5 and Bottom 5: Occupations

Well, I promised y’all some more pre-season content, and I’m swiftly running out of time to do so!  The writing bug has bit, so let’s scratch the itch, and keep up my self-imposed obligations at the same time.  This of you who are long-time readers can probably guess what’s coming, but for those who only hopped on as of the last couple seasons, allow me to explain:

Back when I started the blog, sometimes recapping the episode just wasn’t enough.  I had more that I wanted to talk about, hence the creation of this feature: TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!  Yes, the all-caps are mandatory when it’s not in the title.  Basically, at the end of a given blog, I would take some topic relevant to the episode, and list off my personal Top 5 and Bottom 5 things in that category.  Usually something relevant to the episode, or to the discussion currently going on in the “Survivor” community at the time.  There wasn’t a set schedule for this, as I personally couldn’t predict when something I felt like talking about would come up, but I tried to do it at least once a season.  If you’re wondering why you don’t remember the one for “Survivor 41”… Well, that’s because I didn’t do one.  

Top 5 and Bottom 5 had become less and less frequent as the seasons progressed, for a variety of reasons.  Partly this was just due to running low on topics I hadn’t yet covered (and after doing this blog for 10 years now, I think I’m entitled to that issue), but that was not the only factor.  The fact was that the more I blogged, the more tiring it became to write such long posts immediately after an episode, and adding in such a list added a good 1/2 hour onto the time.  Time when I could be sleeping.  Add onto that my often feeling like I rushed to get the list together to get to sleep sooner, and thereby not doing a job I was satisfied with, and you see that this particular feature was giving me issues.  Thus, I quietly seemed to shelve the idea, but I felt bad about it  It’s as much a staple of the blog as some random contestant bursting into my house to correct me on something, and thus I was loathe to give it up entirely.  As such, I sat around waiting for inspiration.  

And inspiration came, both in the form of a new topic I wanted to cover, and a new idea for how to do it.  After all, there’s no rule saying I can ONLY do blogs after episodes during the on-season.  And if what I need is time, why not give it to myself?  

So, we arrive at the solution, which you see here.  TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5 will both continue to be a part of this blog, and no longer be a regular blog.  I’ll still do them when inspiration strikes, but rather than tack them onto the end of an already overly-long blog, I’ll do them as stand-alone features between episodes.  That way, I can take my time, and not feel like I’m missing out on sleep!  Everyone wins!

Now, since I’m sure some of you are not familiar with the format I use, let me briefly explained: I will list, in ascending order my favorite and least favorite for a given topic.  In this case, we’re talking about the various occupations “Survivor” contestants have had.  For reference, I’m talking exclusively about US “Survivor”, not because international seasons are bad, but just because I haven’t watched them, and so can’t really comment on the occupations listed in the chyrons there.  I’ll also include one “Honorable Mention” for each category, for something that I don’t think fits on the list proper, but I still want to talk about.  

Well, this introduction has gone on for a page.  Let us waste no more time, and get to the listing!

TOP 5

5. Former Federal Agent?: Right off the bat, we see that distinctiveness alone can earn an occupation a spot on this list.  Generally, the more specific, the better.  Here, the specificity of the former, coupled with the simultaneously specific and generic title of “Federal Agent” certainly make the occupation stick in the mind.  And, if that didn’t work, Phillip Sheppard would bring it up in every confessional that wasn’t about Great-Grandpa Jessum.  So, it sticks out for sure, but what makes it fun?  Well, friends, the answer is in the editing.  If you are blessedly free of the experience of watching “Survivor Redemption Island”, then the thing to know here is that the titular Phillip was portrayed as, well, not all there.  Talking about his tattoos giving him power, communing with the aforementioned Great-Grandpa Jessum, and flaunting his hot pink undies at multiple opportunities, Phillip was, fairly or unfairly, not portrayed in the best light.  This, in turn, made us question everything about the man, including what could be considered a relatively above-board occupation.  The editors, playing off this speculation, decided to have some fun, and added a question mark to the occupation, the first time they had fun with the chyrons (though by no means the last).  That is the legendary part that lands this occupation on the “Top 5” list, though I’ll admit it is barred from being higher due to it being a joke put in by the editing team, rather than just the occupation itself.  

4. Exotic Animal Veterinarian: Once again, specificity matters.  “Veterinarian” is a fairly generic, if harmless, job.  “Exotic Animal Veterinarian” is much more evocative in the mind, especially since your average “Survivor” local is crawling with said “Exotic Animals”.  Yes, Omar’s occupation from the upcoming “Survivor 42” inspired this list, and I’m happy to have him on here.  That said, I do have to gripe that most of the official sources just list his occupation as “Veterinarian”, which, as I said, much less interesting.  I have heard him called “Exotic Animal Veterinarian” in podcasts and non-CBS sources, so I’m willing to still say it qualifies, but I hope his chyron is the full, specific title when the season actually airs.  Such a title must not be confined to word of mouth alone!

3. Coconut Vendor: Wait, this is a job?  Really?  I mean, I guess it makes sense.  One can understand what a “Vendor” is, and if one sells exclusively coconuts, one could be considered a “Coconut Vendor”.  Still, the title alone makes you take a second glance, and that’s a lot of what this list is about.  Apart from just being an odd turn of phrase, the like of which is unlikely to be seen again on this show, it makes you wonder just what Vince’s business model is.  Like, is there really that much of a market for coconuts?  When you look into the details, it’s a bit more mundane.  Vince basically gathers coconuts that he sells as a cool, refreshing drink on beaches.  Sort of like those ice cream vendors, but with coconuts.  I can see how it works, but it still turns my head, as I said.  Coupled with the coupling of Vince and “nuts”, two ideas that, as the season demonstrated, stick together, and you’ve got an occupation that’s not only amusing, but appropriate to the subject as well.  

2. Magician’s Assistant: Yes, you will still be force-fed my love for “Survivor Guatemala”, even in the on-season!  While not as unusual an occupation as some we’ve seen on this list, in that the layman has probably actually HEARD of this occupation, it’s still one you don’t see every day, and so again, will likely turn a few heads.  And while the occupation itself is not one that really applies to the game of “Survivor”, think of the metaphors one could use in relation to this one!  Pulling off a blindside compared to pulling a rabbit out of a hat!  Being caught between two alliances is like being sawed in half!  Pretty much any reference to a magic wand being used in conjunction with the game!  And we get NONE of them, because Morgan was gone too early to do much of anything.  It’s this wasted potential that keeps this occupation from the top spot overall, but for how this occupation stands out from the many generic occupations we see on this show, it more than earns a high spot on this list.  

1. Mechanical Bull Operator: While we do not have the potential for metaphors here that we’ve had with some of the previous occupations, when I think “Odd Occupations” this is the one that comes to me.  Once again, it’s an occupation the like of which we’ve not seen before, and will likely not see again.  Visually, it stands alone for being SO long that they actually had to size down the font to get it to fit visually in the chyron.  But then, for me, there’s just the oddity of the occupation itself.  I mean, this is a job?  Granted, you have to assume that SOMEONE has to operate a mechanical bull where a mechanical bull is present, but the job title implies that this is the ONLY duty entrusted to John Kenny.  As one usually comes across mechanical bulls in bars, one would assume that it’s bar staff operating them, but as kind of a side thing, with their overall job title being “Bartender”.  I just envision John talking with someone about his career kind of like this: “What do you do?”  “I operate the mechanical bull.”  “Oh, you mean you bartend?”  “No, just the bull.  Nothing else.”  Like, is that what’s he’s referred to in his contract?  Does he just sit at the controls from opening to closing, giving patrons what they perceive as a chance at glory?  It just raises so many questions, and I have an inordinate amount of fun speculating about them.  How could such a job NOT top this list?

Honorable Mention: Russell Hantz’s Nephew: While this technically counts, as it was used in the chyron where the occupation goes, but I can’t put it on the list proper due to said technicality.  While I would consider “Related to Russell Hantz” as stressful as a full-time job, it technically doesn’t pay anything, mostly because Russell can’t afford it without that million-dollar check.  Brandon did, of course, have a regular job, but in the ultimate tip of the hand from the editors, they made it clear that Brandon was not who you were supposed to care about.  Rather, you were supposed to care about who he was related to, and who the show wanted to invoke to milk more cash out of the franchise.  I should be upset at this blatant motivation, but honestly, it’s just so brazen, it circles back around to being funny, and that counts for something at least.  

BOTTOM 5

5. Housing Case Manager: One difference you’ll notice from the “Top 5” list is that I don’t mention a lot of occupations specific to one individual in the “Bottom 5” list.  Instead, I’ll be going over broad categories of jobs, since to me, the worst jobs are the generic ones, the ones you can’t tie to any person in particular.  This is the exception, which is a real shame, because it comes from “Survivor Vanuatu”, I would argue the best season for fun occupations alone!  Aside from the aforementioned “Mechanical Bull Operator”, Vanuatu also gave us “Sheep Farmer”, “Drill Sergeant”, “Equity Research Assistant”, “Coffee Barista”, “Pre-Law Student”, and TWO variations on “Highway Repair Person”!  Perhaps that’s what makes this one so frustrating.  Don’t get me wrong, Rory’s job definitely stands out, but the wording, to me, is just unclear, as someone who has held the more general title of “Case Manager” in his career.  Is he a general case manager who specializes in housing matters?  Does he work for an organization that specializes in housing?  Is his case management related to home repair, or to the living situation of the people in the home?  My point is that, while I understand in general what Rory probably does, the specifics of it confuse me, and raise too many questions.  John Kenny’s raised a lot of questions as well, but I at least had a general idea of what he did.  With Rory, apart from being  related to social work, I just don’t get it.  It’s still better than being generic, so I would never DREAM of putting it higher on the list than this, but for how much it frustrates me, I had to include it here.  

4. Student: An occupation becoming all the more common, especially if the reports I’m hearing about the show lowering its minimum age to 16 are true.  We have now left the realm of individuality, and find ourselves in the doldrums of forgettableness.  I haven’t done the math personally, but I think it’s a safe bet that THIS is the most common occupation we get on “Survivor”.  So many people in some form of higher eduction end up playing, and this makes for a good catch-all term for them, that I feel like it gets slapped on a lot of players, both good and bad.  There’s nothing WRONG with being a student, but without a prefix like “Pre-Law” attached, it tells us little about that person, and next to nothing about their play style.  Students have gone early; they’ve made it to the end.  But we remember their personality, not their job.  Overall a good thing, but for this particular list, not so much.  

3. Model/Actor: These two are often paired together under the portmanteau “Mactor”, and as my reasoning for disliking both is the same, I decided to pair them together here as well.  While either does tell us a bit more about the person’s ambitions than the more generic “student”, there’s still a wide range under both those job titles, and a similarly wide range of success and failure.  There’s just very little to go on, other than this person is likely hungry for exposure.  And that’s really what sets these occupations above “Student”, the seeming quick grab for fame.  While this motivation is not UNIQUE to these occupations, a lot of the time, people holding these job titles come across as coming, not for adventure or the game, but to get exposure.  This is a generalization, of course, and there are always exceptions, but it feels hollow, especially during the time when I was a fan applying to the show, and felt every spot NOT taken up by a fan was unfairly snatched from me.  I’ve mellowed since then, but there’s still that knee-jerk reaction.  It didn’t help that we saw a rise in such an occupation around the time the show went HEAVY on the recruits, which while not bad in and of itself, got overused and led to several lackluster casts.  Thus, the career and the type of cast became intertwined, and the occupation still has yet to shake off such the whole stigma.  So, for all this vitriol, why is this only number 3?  Join me at number 2.  

2. Lawyer: Say what you will about students and mactors, at least they don’t try to shoehorn in how their occupation has prepared them for “Survivor” all the damn time.  The same cannot be said for our top 2 occupations on this list.  If I have to hear ONE MORE LAWYER talk about how they’re prepared to manage a jury, or manipulate, or argue their case, I will go and take the bar exam myself just to show them up.  Look, some occupations prepare you more for “Survivor” than others, but I think most would agree that the courtroom and the wilderness are two very different areas.  Even the “Arguing in front of a jury” part doesn’t match one for one, partly because you don’t need to convince everyone of your side, partly because there’s less facts and evidence, and more people’s perceptions.  That said, if they keep their occupational relations to a minimum, lawyers can be some of the more fun characters to watch.  My love of Kass McQuillen of “Survivor Cagayan” is evidence of that.  But for those that I love, it’s in SPITE of their occupation, and more so their forced links to it, not because of it.  

1. Professional Poker Player: As one would imagine, this occupation shares a lot of the same issues as the lawyer.  Once again, we have an occupation that LOVES to talk about how well it has prepared the person for “Survivor”, and how great they are at reading people.  The trouble is, no, no it really doesn’t.  Apart from their being a big difference in getting people’s tells when you’re close to them in a climate controlled room, and detecting a spoken lie in the wilderness, poker, at its core, involves a large amount of luck.  Now, “Survivor” has always had an element of luck in it, and if current trends continue, it will certainly match the luck present in poker by “Survivor 45”, but the two just aren’t comparable at the time of this writing.  You’ll note that, for all my disparaging of the lawyers, I DID note that some had had success in the game, and I could even concede one or two ways in which their career might carry over to “Survivor” particularly in the area of needing to persuade people.  But really, the big thing that sets this occupation apart is that, to my knowledge, every single person who has had this listed as their occupation is SO ANNOYING!  Not only is arrogance a common trait among them, but pretty much every single person with this as their occupation is either terrible at the game (see Adelstein, Garrett), “unpleasant” (to put it mildly) as a person (see Bellande, Jean-Robert), or both (see Khait, Anna).  Every single time they talk about how well-prepared they are, and every single time, they’re wrong.  There’s almost no variety in this archetype, and it just needs to end.  Please.  

Honorable Mention: One Immunity Idol: Continuing the trend from the previous list, our honorable mention goes to something that is not TECHNICALLY an occupation, but goes in the same place as one.  And once again, it’s the editors tipping their hand to what really matters to them, though this time, rather than being funny, it’s just sad.  “Survivor” is meant to be a social game, where the people playing it matter the most.  All aspects of them, including their occupation, are at least somewhat relevant information to impart to the audience.  When that gets dumped in favor of “Who has what advantage?”, you’re both showing that you have too many advantages in the show, and getting away from the core of what made your show great in the first place.  It may be a symptom of a larger problem, but that problem is great enough that it lands at least an honorable mention on this list.  

My, this goes on longer when I have the time.  Let me know what you all think of my choices, and I’ll see you back here in just under two weeks for the premiere of “Survivor 42”!

-Matt

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Island of the Idols” Episode 4: The Dumb Leading the Blind

Oh mighty and powerful “Survivor” Gods, if you can hear me, I beseech thee: Bestow upon me thy favor, as you have so bestowed your favor upon Karishma! I have but one humble request: Please do not let this season turn out to be another “Survivor Redemption Island”. Do not let us have three good episodes, followed by nothing but garbage afterwards!

Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself into my thoughts. In fact, we can’t even talk about this episode yet, as we still have to talk about the last episode, as it’s time for another edition of…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Yes, we had two episodes error-free, but I made a mistake and/or omitted something last time. Specifically, while I mentioned that Vince went home with an idol in his pocket, I neglected to give any commentary on his not playing his idol. Now, many have rightly pointed out that he only had two Tribal Councils to play it at, so why not play it, especially when there’s suspicion that he might have on. A reasonable argument, but to be fair to Vince, I think he had good reason not to play it. The women were clearly in power, and they did a convincing job of making him think he had their favor. Plus, what most people seem to forget is that it’s not good for “Two Tribal Councils”, but “Two Tribal Councils you attend.” Vince has good luck with the challenges, and that thing takes him to the merge. Granted, we know that that didn’t happen, but Vince couldn’t have known, and it’s not like Vokai badly loses every single challenge. They only do that with puzzles. Yes, in hindsight, Vince should have played his idol, but the women spun him well, and I can’t fault him too much for holding on to it.

Getting into our actual episode, you’d expect the tribe to be mostly copacetic with their near unanimous decision, since all knew who they wanted, but split the vote to be safe. And you’d be right, but with the exception of Karishma. While I do think she misidentified the causes of no one coming to her aid with the hand thing, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t get paranoid about stuff worth getting paranoid about. Case in point, Karishma correctly deduces that being the split boot means everyone considers her expendable, a fact confirmed in confessional. It’s not as cut and dried as that, however. Aaron, in particular, still hasn’t forgotten being left out of that first vote. Thus, he wants as many targets as possible, to keep himself off the radar. He finds fertile target ground in a blossoming showmance between Chelsea and Dean. Yes, the person with the idol, and the person who’s spoken all of two sentences on the show so far. Feel the chemistry. Aaron and Missy confer, agreeing that this is a problem that needs to be nipped in the bud. Can’t fault the logic in wanting to get Dean out. After all, he’s not a member of the core alliance, and with nowhere else to go after he leaves, Chelsea comes back into the women’s alliance. All Aaron gains is another spot ahead of him, but still, that’s not nothing.

Over at Vokai, we get a minor repeat of the J’Tia and the Rice situation from “Survivor Cagayan”, that is, sadly, both less exciting in its execution and in its results. Once again, the person left out of the vote is the person left alone at camp. In this case, members of the tribe agree to either go fishing or walking. Jamal agrees to stay behind. Admittedly no one can really call him on this without looking like a jerk themselves, but still, it’s made to seem like no one is suspicious, which you’d think at least Tommy would be, being the guy who saw the blowup of Jamal the closest. Jamal tries to tie idol-hunting into a bad relationship he had. If you think of the most forced “Survivor”/real life connection you can remember, this is pretty much similar. It does lead to success, as such anecdotes tend to do. While I may mock Jamal’s story, I can’t fault his idol hunting skills. While the tradition of the significant-looking tree remains, it was hidden off the trail and deeply camouflaged in the trunk, so I’m not surprised it took this long to find.

Jamal finding the idol also means we get our first up-close look at the hidden immunity idols this season, confirming once and for all that the art department was doing this season in their sleep. Ah yes, a tribe-colored string with some beads and a large seed. How distinctive.

The fishing expedition returning heralds another boat on the horizon. Naturally, this one is here to take someone to the Island of the Idols. This time, however, production has finally gotten their heads out of their butts, and realized that a random name-draw is boring. What they come up with is only marginally better, but better nonetheless. They basically take the rule from “Survivor Ghost Island”, and apply it to the tribe: Come to a unanimous decision, or draw rocks. At first, the tribe is all gung-ho about drawing rocks, but then Kellee comes in and points out that this is a stupid idea. I knew there was a reason I liked her! Yes, in a game with a decent amount of randomness already, the LAST thing you want to do is add more to it with a rock draw, not to mention you run the risk of your greatest enemy getting an advantage. Besides, it’s more fun to watch the social manipulation and negotiation. Show some backbone.

But who to send? With such a stigma against going, plus Kellee not wanting to be found out in her lie, very few people are eager to go. Lauren is downright terrified of the place. Tommy’s game relies on social bonds, not suspicion, so he doesn’t want to go. Jason does an impression of a stereotypical Jewish mother to convince himself not to go. Coby Archa (“Survivor Palau”) shows up volunteering to go, but is summarily ignored. Finally, Noura volunteers, and despite her being the obvious target, evidently people agree, as the next shot is her coming to the Island of the Idols. I guess the idea is that since she was already a target, she doesn’t have a downside in being sent, but guys, have you forgotten the “Possibly get an advantage” part? Admittedly, Kellee probably hasn’t mentioned that to allay suspicion, but you’ve got to have guessed it from the season name regardless! Why run the risk of your worst enemy getting an advantage?

Well, Noura is greeted by Boston Rob and Sandra, and it becomes clear that Noura is going to be running this particular Island of the Idols. Oh, Rob and Sandra can try and get a word in edgewise, but Noura is just going to talk right over them. Lucky for her, her lesson is about talking. More specifically, the “Art of Persuasion”. In case Boston Rob spelling it out for you wasn’t obvious we cut to a montage of famous persuasive moments in “Survivor” History. We have the mind screw of Erik Reichenbach from “Survivor Micronesia” (always good for a laugh), Parvati flirting with Adam on “Survivor Cook Island” (random, but ok, it’s Parvati, I get why this was included), Yul blackmailing Penner with his hidden immunity idol (a classic), Sandra making Russell Hantz paranoid (easy to do, but still fun to watch), and Boston Rob asking Lex to spare Amber (really, show? You want us to remember THAT part of “Survivor All-Stars? Why not show us Hatch rubbing against Sue while you’re at it?). Some ups and downs, but not the worst cross-section of “Survivor” I’ve ever seen.

This lesson is appropriate for Noura, and her challenge is correspondingly difficult. She’s informed that the immunity challenge with be a “Lead the blindfolded people” challenge, and that to get her advantage, she must convince her tribe to let her be the caller in the challenge. If she fails, she loses her vote, but if she succeeds, she gets a new advantage for the show: a vote block. She can essentially force one person not to vote at a Tribal Council. I applaud the show for coming up with new advantages, but I have to say, I’m not sure this is a good one. Yes, having one less vote, particularly against you, is a good thing, but you ruffle a lot of feathers using it, to very little gain.

Still, this should be an easy enough job for Noura. She’s naturally loud, which is an advantage in a caller, and she’s bossy enough to be good at this. Granted, the caller also needs to be good at puzzles, but we’ve seen no evidence that Noura isn’t at least decent at puzzles. Noura accordingly jumps at the chance, which Sandra and Boston Rob try and walk back. Man, they are REALLY desperate to be able to negotiate with someone.

Noura comes back to camp with not a terrible lie: I know the challenge and can help us practice, but you need to say I’m doing a specific part of the challenge. A little on the nose, but pulled off with subtlety, might work. Sadly this is Noura we’re talking about. Subtlety is not really in her wheelhouse, and she seems to crack a bit under the questioning, not coming up with convincing answers as to why this would be plausible. Probably, she would have been better off just telling the tribe, then volunteering to practice as the caller, citing her loud voice, and hoping to win them over that way. She does start practicing with the tribe for the challenge, and we see that bossiness does not lend itself to clarity. Noura’s micromanaging gets the job done, but slowly, in a challenge where speed is of the essence, and frustrates the tribe as a whole. About the only happy one is Kellee, since he secret is safe with Noura making such a fool of herself.

Off to our immunity challenge, and if I can praise this episode for anything, it’s the mystery! Yes, only Lairo has offered up multiple targets at this point, but Noura has had such a terrible performance this time that I could see the show forgoing mystery in favor of a humiliating “Downfall of Noura” episode. It will all depend on how she does at being the caller.

Or, you know, she could be the sit-out, cutting the story off at the knees, and guaranteeing another loss for Lairo. The show does its level best to give us dramatic tension, but sure enough, they lose.

Back at camp, Karishma seems to be the dead girl walking once again, as pretty much everyone says that they haven’t bonded with her, and to keep the tribe happy, it would be best to just stick with the plan. Plus, in the event of a swap, Karishma is a risk. She has nowhere to go but the women’s alliance on Lairo, but it won’t always just be the women’s alliance. Accordingly, Missy and Aaron want to keep that going by splitting up the showmance, and voting off Dean. Frankly, it’s probably the smartest decision they have, for the reasons I outlined at the top of the blog. When the float the plan to Elizabeth, however, she’s not on board. Neither is Elaine, who Elizabeth lets in on the plan, since she rightly points out that this plan leaves out Tom and Chelsea, further disuniting the tribe. Fair enough, but it’s better if you look at it as bringing Chelsea back into the fold. Do this, and the women all stay strong, and lose a person they didn’t need anyway. Tom may be mad, but what can he do? He’s got little choice. Besides, with all his talk of teamwork, Tom doesn’t strike me as the type who’d flip, even if he was pissed.

Word of this gets back to Missy and Aaron via Elizabeth, and I have to say she plays this well. By getting Elaine on her side, Elizabeth has a scapegoat for who’s the one ruining the plans. “Look, everyone, I want to go along with this, I really do, but Elaine just won’t do it, so we won’t have the numbers.” Gets things to go your way, without the risk of looking like the troublemaker. Especially good since her performance as the caller in the challenge, and subsequent breakdown, did not look good for her, so it’s nice to see her get her game face on.

All this pisses off Missy something fierce, and she complains about people “Not wanting to play the game.” Like Dan earlier in this episode, I have to make my eyes go in a circle here. I’ve said before and I’ll say again: Just because somebody isn’t playing the way you think they should DOESN’T mean they aren’t playing. They’re just playing a different, probably smarter, game than you. Missy then pesters Elaine for a new target, even throwing Chelsea’s name into the mix as an alternative way to split the showmance up as we head to Tribal Council.

The topic of tonight’s Tribal Council is chaos, which will be shown visually this time. It’s barely been an hour at the time of this writing, and I still can’t make heads or tails of what happened. People talked about bullets flying at random, going all the way back to “Plan Z” (evidently this tribe likes “Spongebob Squarepants”), nothing makes sense here! The one thing this Tribal Council has going for it is the complete unknown of the target. About four people on an eight-person tribe have been targeted, leaving things very up in the air as to who will go home. Still, mystery alone is not enough. This Tribal Council has been decent, but nothing spectacular. It needs something to push it over the edge. Cue the awesome music!

Chaos, while entertaining, is not always satisfying. It can lead to situations like Jeremy’s ouster on “Survivor San Juan del Sur”. We got surprised, but also no idea how we got here. That’s what happened tonight, as Chelsea leaves, idol in pocket. She should have known after telling Probst how she likes blindsides. I am very sorry to see Chelsea go. Most of the other targets (save Dean) were interesting characters as well, but Chelsea was a superfan, and playing a decent strategic game. I’d have liked to see more of it.

That said, this is the first really dumb move of the season. I wasn’t a big fan of Molly going out, but there was at least some logic to it. Here, voting out Chelsea goes against both possible stated goals. If you want a unified tribe, well, Karishma was the most on the outs, and the greatest threat in a swap. If you wanted to strengthen the women’s alliance, you needed to vote out a guy. Chelsea does neither of those things. All she does is split up the showmance, and again, in terms of the women’s alliance, Dean’s a better bet. Sorry, ladies. There’s no way to spin this as a good thing.

Yeah, like I said at the top, this was just not a good episode. If I had to sum it up in one word, it would be “Crowded”. Up until this point the show’s done a good job of balancing game time with time on Island of the Idols. This time, however, it dominated. We had one short scene at Lairo, one short scene at Vokai, the Island of the Idols, then immunity challenge. This led to pretty much all the strategizing happening between the challenge and Tribal Council, which just makes things too difficult to follow. This is by no means an irredeemable episode, but definitely confusing and weak, especially compared to the other high-quality episodes we’ve had so far this season. Still, I don’t feel a bad episode deserves to end on a bad note. Yes, it is time once again to bring back…

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!

Yep, while topics have been scarce on the ground as of late, it seems we’ve yet to do a list of the best and worst blindfolded challenges in the history of the show. The Noura arc this episode kind of overshadowed it, but these blindfolded challenges are always good for suspense, action, and lowbrow comedy. How did this season stack up? Let’s start listing off the blindfold challenges of seasons past and find out!

TOP 5

5. “Survivor Cagayan”: Normally, as we’ll see, there’s a lot of physical comedy in this category. “Survivor Cagayan”, however, is an exception. There’s very little physical comedy, and what little there is is mostly groin shots, which are more painful than funny. However, this challenge took to Luzon tribe, already a comedy of errors in the challenge department, put them in a challenge designed to be a comedy of errors, and you’ve got yourself a lot of fun. J’Tia losing the challenge by being unable to pull up a basket in sync with the rest of her tribe? Hilarious.

4. “Survivor Ghost Island”: Later seasons really do tend to cut back on the physical humor of these challenges, which is why you won’t see many of them on this list. When the comedy comes from other places, though, it still works. Case in point, while the competency of callers varies from challenge to challenge, rarely have we seen one fail at grabbing the essentials. This challenge would have been bland and forgettable were it not for Wendell, funnily enough, forgetting to grab the puzzle pieces, and needing to run the course again just to get them. Not funny enough to land higher on the list, but still memorable.

3. “Survivor The Australian Outback”: Sometimes, all you need is an ending. This one was a pretty dull challenge to begin with. Just a bunch of random tasks with no rhyme or reason. But then, Jerri out of nowhere fails at directing Amber to put a basket on a table, leading to an exciting comeback victory for Kucha. A lot of tension and humor to be had. It loses points for the lackluster end to the challenge, but that moment alone deserves a spot on this list.

2. “Survivor Vanuatu”: This particular iteration of a blindfold challenge has a lot of the hallmarks of these sorts of challenges. Callers missing the obvious. People running into objects. People running into each other. Having some pieces out in the water helps make this one a memorable one, but what sets it apart is Sarge yelling “Say my name!” at the end of it all. It’s hard to not join in his triumph, and I defy anyone to tell me it’s not a memorable moment. Seriously, why has Sarge never been on again?

1. “Survivor All-Stars”: It’s the simple things in life. This challenge may not have had the most exciting ending, though the upset of Chapera actually losing a challenge was cool. But moment for moment, this has the best comedy. Lex wandering off on his own. Hatch getting things confused. Big Tom being hit in the head repeatedly. Had this gotten more serious, it would have been an awful challenge. Since no lasting harm was done, though, we can laugh at it. And laugh we shall.

Honorable Mention: “Survivor Gabon”: This challenge is a bit of an odd one. There is the “blindfolded person and caller” element to it, but in this case, that’s only to stop a ball rolling down a hill thrown by the other tribe. A fun and creative challenge, but not strictly a blindfold challenge, which keeps it off the list proper. If nothing else, though, it deserves credit for Randy Bailey thinking of calling out to the other player. A brilliant move that gave Kota a well-deserved win. Well done, Randy.

BOTTOM 5

5. “Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”: This was the first blindfold challenge to have the people stay blindfolded while doing a puzzle (no, the blindfold maze from “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” doesn’t count, since it’s not strictly a puzzle), which was a good way to shake things up. Unfortunately the rest of the challenge was kind of lackluster, and needed the puzzle to be difficult to really recommend it. Suffice to say, it was not, and the challenge just kind of falls flat as a result.

4. “Survivor Island of the Idols”: Maybe I’m being mean here, but this one really just didn’t do it for me. We’ve seen all these obstacles before, so they just kind of blend together in my mind, making the whole affair forgettable, even now. Again, I appreciate them doing the puzzle blindfolded, but this time, with no mystery as to who was winning, it just didn’t have the edge or the physical comedy needed to save it.

3. “Survivor Tocantins”: I applaud them for trying something different here, but different doesn’t always mean better. Here, blindfolded people had to make their way through more of a maze than an obstacle course, which is certainly difficult, but not all that interesting to watch. Pouring things into buckets while blindfolded should also be fun, but something just seems off about it. Maybe it’s the labels on the gutters, but this challenge just felt “off” somehow.

2. “Survivor Nicaragua”: Once again, “Survivor Nicaragua” does something wrong. This was when the show tended to put more “modern” things in the show as rewards and I didn’t like it. Here, you had a simple blindfold challenge to pick up various camping items. Not exciting, no physical comedy, and didn’t really fit the show. Need I say more?

1. “Survivor Worlds Apart”: Like I said before, physical comedy is funny, up until you hit the point where people are actually injured. Kelly having that severe a head wound is not fun to watch, and just retroactively makes everything about the challenge worse. For all my gripes, this is the only blindfold challenge I have a real problem with, since it makes me uncomfortable rather than having fun with the concept, like any good challenge should.

Honorable Mention: “Survivor The Amazon”: At first glance, this seems like a pretty standard blindfold challenge. People bumping into each other, people making gaffes. Why put it on the bottom list? Well, according to audio commentary on “Survivor All-Stars” it’s because of missed potential. Butch was the caller for the men, and he was not so good with names, according to Rob Cesternino, and so called out completely wrong identities for his tribe mates. Comedy gold! And they barely showed any of it! For missed potential alone, this challenge must go on the bottom list.

And there you have it. What blindfold challenges did I foolishly leave off either list? Let me know, and I’ll see you in the hopefully better next episode!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Game Changers” Finale: Revenge Over Reason

Welcome back, loyal readers, to “Survivor Kaoh Rong” (a season I can spell more accurately than the editors, evidently. Why has the spell check been off this season?) Episode 10… I mean the “Survivor Game Changers” Finale. Though, given the first part of the episode, you could be forgiven for making that mistake. Think about it: A large, cocky jock talks down to Tai, who runs to Aubry for comfort, and using her skills, she gets him to do what she wants done with his hidden immunity idol. Beat for beat, it’s pretty much the same thing.

After Probst brags about the size of the crowd at the finale, we get to his summation of the season, which is mercifully brief. The only things of note are his summation of the contestants (which we’ll get to in a minute), and one little tricky bit right at the beginning. Now, Probst is no stranger to hyperbole, particularly when recapping a season. So, naturally, he started off his narration with “For the first time, ‘Survivor’ stranded 20 game changers…” and I prepare to rant my head off about how “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains” exists, and although I find it to be somewhat overrated, it’s still miles ahead of this particular season. Then, however, Probst saves himself by finishing it off “…in Fiji.” Well played, Probst, well played. Technically a true statement, but you’re REALLY stretching there for a “first”.

Credit where credit is due, though, Probst did do a good job in building up our other player’s chances. A lot of people, myself included, were bemused when both Aubry and Troyzan, people who hadn’t really gotten much screentime, made the finals. How would Probst build them up? Well, I have to say, he actually did a pretty good job of it. He highlighted Troyzan’s idol find and him biding his time, while with Aubry, he highlighted her tenacity. About the best he could do, given the material the editors gave to him.

Onto the episode proper, and we get the fallout from that last Tribal Council where the fine print determined everything. Cirie, naturally, bears the brunt of it. No one period would be pleased with a supposed ally taking their advantage and trying to play it (perceivedly) against them, and let it be said that Sarah is not known for being able to control her temper very well. Naturally, Cirie’s attempts at pointing out that she was trying to do it to protect Sarah fall on deaf ears, and again, who can blame Sarah? Without knowing the information that Cirie knows, she has no proof of what Cirie’s saying, and the scheme was so out there that it’d be ridiculous to believe in any case! The pair do seem to calm down after a bit of talking, but Sarah makes it clear that tensions are still running high. Still, she does try to get all the facts, confronting Tai around the fire about whether he had planned to vote her off. We also find out that the reason Michaela went was due to her being Cirie’s lieutenant. Logical, but it could have been better foreshadowed.

Now, Tai is in a golden spot here. As I said, Cirie’s story is pretty unbelievable, even if it is true in this case. Sarah’s mad at Cirie anyway. All Tai has to do is lie. Just one little lie. Say that he never had any such plans. Cirie takes all the flak, and can’t really do anything about it, since she would NEED Tai for this next vote. But, of course, Tai does the stupid thing, and reveals to Sarah that he did indeed plan to vote for her. Sarah takes it well. And by that, I mean that her rage turns pretty much exclusively on Tai. Way to go, slugger.

In fairness to Tai, he brings up a good point later on about people’s attacking of him. The overarching theme of these vote offs is basically “Tai is a liar who can’t be trusted.” Tai, however, says there’s a double-standard, and that he’s just doing what everybody else has done in this game. And… Yeah. What HAS he done that’s so much more terrible than anyone else? I guess you could make the argument that Tai PRETENDS to be loyal more than some other people, but it’s not like he’s HIDING the fact that he’s talking other strategies with other people. Really, the only factor here is that he’s going after Sarah, the first person to do so in this game, and Sarah isn’t taking it well. That’s not a mark against Tai, though, and I really do feel like the players this episode (not named Aubry and Cirie) unfairly chastise him for just playing the game. Lay off, people.

Much like last episode, our number of players left leaves no time for strategizing, and we hop into our traditional “Maze and Puzzle” challenge, which I like slightly more than others for being colorful, and having a tricky puzzle. It’s a compass rose, but built in a vertical frame, and with pieces that fit multiple places. Not the strongest individual challenge that ever was, but for the standards of this season? I’ll take it. It’s a fairly close-run thing, but Brad Culpepper takes it, making a joke about himself being a brainless jock. Funny, but since he’ll be ACTING like a brainless jock in just a minute, I’m not sure how true that actually is.

The winner also gets an Italian dinner with two other people, so Brad takes Troyzan and Sarah. Now, Troyzan I have no qualms with. The pair are tight, and it would be suspicious of him not to take Troyzan. I can see an argument for leaving a loyal soldier at camp, but again, the suspicion would have been too great. I will, however, dispute the Sarah choice. Granted, both she and Tai serve as swing votes here, but Sarah is mad enough at Cirie that I feel like her vote is a safer guarantee than that of the easily-manipulated Tai. Not the worst choice, but not optimal.

Tai had previously told Brad about his two idols, in an attempt to find safe harbor. Brad, for whom Tai has overall been VERY loyal and a good ally in general, decides not to believe Tai, but does offer him a deal: He’ll take Tai to the end, but only if Tai plays an idol on himself tonight, and gives the other to Brad for safekeeping. Tai, not being an idiot, is wary of this deal. Leaving aside the fact that we KNOW that in this scenario, Brad plans to blindside Tai after this vote, giving up one of your idols for NO REASON is a terrible idea in any scenario.

Oh, but the stupidity here is not limited to Tai. Let’s say that Brad’s plan had worked, and Tai had given Brad an idol, which he then would not have returned, and not had a “non-transferrable” clause to fall back on. Then you have an INCREDIBLY pissed-off juror, with a jury that’s not a guarantee for you in any case. Plus, Brad approaches Tai in COMPLETELY the wrong way, strongarming and ordering him around. Where else does this send him to but the arms of Aubry, that comforting voice that tells him to do what’s best for HIM, which is exactly what he wants to hear. Brad really did need to watch more of “Survivor Kaoh Rong”. History repeating itself.

The only true wrinkle in the plan is Cirie, coming up to apologize to Tai for bungling the last Tribal Council. Normally adding Cirie to any strategy would help equate to its success, but in this case, Aubry is the superior choice, and so Cirie is shooed off. Say what you will about Aubry, she is GOOD at working Tai. I feel like she’s good at working other people, but as I’ll get to during her exit, she just had no shot at it.

Of course, we all know that Aubry’s going. Any pretense of Tai working with her is thrown out when she describes him as a “rat” at our first Tribal Council. These are not the words of someone trying to ensure a swing vote stays on their side. Again, this is probably the most interesting of the Tribal Councils of the night, but all the witty banter is overshadowed by the fan-dubbed “Advantage-Geddon”. Proving once and for all why Aubry is awesome, Tai gets up and plays BOTH of his idols, one for himself and one for Aubry. The one for himself I get. There’s the very real possibility he could be targeted tonight. But why Aubry? She’s not strategically important to him. The most he can hope to do is make a 3-3 Tai. The only logical explanation is that Aubry played him again, and got him to save her. And yet we see next to nothing of her all season. Great choice, editors!

We’re not done yet, though. Sarah plays her legacy advantage, which I’m amazed it took her so long to do (there’s literally no advantage to NOT playing it). This, of course, gets Troyzan skittish, and so he plays HIS idol, leading to a non-hyperbolic “Survivor” first. No votes are read, not because someone was the obvious boot due to their gameplay, but because there was LITERALLY only one choice. With three idols played, and five people immune, Cirie is the ONLY person who can be voted out. Of course, we need ceremony for this. Probst eulogizes her as he has few players. And if a player is deserving of it, it’s Cirie. I’m not the world’s biggest Cirie fan, but I still respect her game, and all she’s accomplished through playing “Survivor”. She’s definitely one of the greats, and probably my vote for “Greatest to Never Win” at this point, so it makes sense. I just wish it didn’t go ON for so long! Look Cirie deserves respect, but this is overkill.

All that said, I am sorry to see her go. She was probably playing the best game out of the lot left (yes, even my beloved Aubry), and added a nice dynamic to our remaining finalists. She is sorely missed, even if she did get the honor of being the one to say “the tribe has spoken”.

Now, I’ll admit, I did PREDICT this scenario, but not how it would come about. This episode was advertised as having a “‘Survivor’ First”, and many correctly predicted that with FIVE immunity advantages left, that this would mean that one person would be left without immunity and go home. I too subscribed to this theory, but after the immunity challenge, I thought not. I underestimated Aubry’s sway over Tai. I figured Aubry (or possibly Cirie) would HAVE to win immunity, leaving Tai to play an idol on himself and Brad, and combined with Troyzan’s idol and the legacy advantage, this would leave one persons left. Thank God it came down the way it did, since otherwise it would have been completely predictable. As it stands, we get fun, organized chaos that came about as a combination of twists and STRATEGIZING rather than just twists, making it infinitely superior to most of the season.

Oh, and yes, Tai DID save Aubry with that move, making Aubry’s manipulation of him all the more important. True, the vote was 3-2-1 in favor of Sarah going home, but that legacy advantage was getting played. I don’t see a scenario in which Tai DOESN’T play an idol on himself, meaning that without Tai, the one vote for Aubry would have been enough.

And another “Survivor” first: Cirie is the first person to be voted off without ever receiving a single vote against them on that season (no, Jonathan Libby and Wanda Shirk from “Survivor Palau” don’t count).

You’d think, with Aubry and Tai now scrambling, that we’d get some intriguing strategy post-Tribal Council. You clearly haven’t noticed production’s need to stick as many people as possible into the finale. Our immunity challenge today comes courtesy of “Survivor San Juan del Sur”, involving passing a ball through obstacles with paddles into an ending tube. First player to nab three balls wins immunity. Again, a very difficult challenge, and intricate, but it loses out to the first one due to scale. Also, while I can understand going back to a “Survivor” staple like a maze, going back to “Survivor San Juan del Sur” is a mistake. Not the worst season, but you can do better.

Brad wins again, with Probst commenting on how Brad is now one win away from tying the record of five immunity wins in a given season. Gee, thanks for spoiling the outcome of the next immunity challenge, Probst!

Aubry, however, is not done just yet. Granted, Sarah has a final three pact with Brad and Troyzan (formulated over their meal earlier), and since all Sarah really needs to do is GET to the end, there’s no incentive to break from that. Especially when you consider that Aubry is the one person left who might beat Sarah in the end. I can understand how it’s appealing for Tai. With the way Brad is treating him, it’s logical to assume that he’s lost that alliance. So, Sarah is the one who needs convincing. Aubry’s pitch is that since Brad and Troyzan won’t budge from each other, this gives Tai and Sarah each only a 50-50 shot at the finals. All things considered, not a bad pitch, given where she’s at. Aubry really has few cards on the table, and this is about her most convincing argument. However, it ultimately reads like Terry Deitz’s “Stress-free weeks” pitch from “Survivor Exile Island”. It’s weak at best, but ultimately could anyone else find a better pitch. You see, the flaw in Aubry’s pitch is that 50-50 ain’t bad odds, especially when Sarah in particular has an inroad with that pair. Again, I can see why TAI would want to go with Aubry. At this point, it would probably be his smartest move. Sarah, though? No chance.

Yet it’s TAI who suggests not going with the plan, citing Aubry as a jury threat. Ok, can’t fault the logic there, but Tai at this point is pretty much out of the running, so he might as well go with the people who WANT to work with him and take him to the final three. Sarah, continuing her theme of flexibility, agrees to do whatever Tai wants. What Tai wants, however, changes quite frequently, especially when Brad doubles down on his assholery to Tai. Again, the correct move for Tai is to vote out Troyzan (the only option, as Brad is immune), but I still don’t quite get Sarah’s stake in this.

It’s a fortunate thing that we have Tai playing with his emotions, as evidenced by that last Tribal Council, since otherwise, there’s no tension here. No witty banter, and as I said, Aubry’s pitch was flimsy at best. Sure enough, she goes home, but she should be damn proud of herself. She made top five, after coming into the season with arguably one of the biggest targets on her back. True, she didn’t win her season, but she was perceived as winner-caliber, and her season was the most recent one seen, and with the most returnees. Plus, she never really seemed to get her footing in the game, so for her to still scheme and plot her way this far? Damn straight it’s impressive! Shame on the editors for not giving us her story. Oh, and there WAS a story there! I don’t normally advocate watching the bonus confessionals for all but the most die-hard fans, but Aubry’s are worth a watch. The woman had good stuff to say; you should have shown it! Not a bad placing, all things considered, though, and I eagerly await a third chance for Aubry.

So, remember how copying an immunity challenge from “Survivor San Juan del Sur” was a bad idea? Yeah, still not the worst of the episode. That honor goes to our Final Immunity Challenge, a beat-for-beat recreation of the one from “Survivor Worlds Apart”, a FAR worse season than “Survivor San Juan del Sur”. Players run through a vertical “maze” retrieving bags of puzzle pieces with keys. They periodically go up a tower and down a water slide for more keys. Once they have the puzzle pieces, they assemble a lighthouse. The only new element is having to undo a combination lock to get the final piece after the rest of it is assembled, because we haven’t seen THAT before! Apart from committing the cardinal sin of not being an endurance challenge, this one is just generic when it isn’t stupid (I will never be ok with water slides on “Survivor”). Really a poor way to end the season, even given everything else that’s already happened.

After Brad’s inevitable win, he of course does the smart thing and targets Sarah, being his only real competition this season… Or he decides to go for Tai because he’s pissed at him. Ok, time to talk about Brad. I’ll admit it: he by and large won me over this season. He played a much better social game this time around, and even had an overall better strategic game. But this episode REALLY soured me on him. As I mentioned in the Debbie blow-up episode, while I think we may have jumped the gun in calling Brad “sexist” during “Survivor Blood vs. Water”, I wasn’t prepared to dismiss the charge entirely, since his manner of speaking could intimidate people, and possibly cause the aforementioned beliefs. And he REALLY showed his bad side this episode. Apart from a loss of strategic thinking, Brad is now treating someone he NEEDS very poorly, and it’s just wrong. Once Aubry and Cirie were gone, in my opinion it came down to a game of Brad vs. Sarah. I went back and forth on who I would want to win in this scenario, since both were very similar to me. Both have personal lives that I wasn’t too big a fan of (Brad for being rich and domineering, Sarah for being a Trump supporter), but that shouldn’t really be a factor. Both had games I wasn’t too fond of on their first outing, but improved this time around. Sarah played the more dominant game strategically, but she also had several advantages. Conversely, Brad was never in quite as dominant a position as Sarah, but also didn’t piss as many people off, and I could admire him playing from the bottom. All that said, coming into this episode, and guessing correctly that Cirie and Aubry were doomed, I was prepared to hope for a Brad Culpepper victory. This episode changed my mind. The arrogance ruined his social game, and a place at the end coming primarily from well-timed immunity wins does not a legend make. Plus, for all that Sarah rubbed some people the wrong way, she played well enough to betray someone yet STILL get the legacy advantage, so it’s not like she was horrible. Really, my only qualm with a Sarah victory is if people start citing this as evidence that her loss in “Survivor Cagayan” was only due to Kass. Look, I’m not going to say Kass wasn’t a factor, but Sarah played pretty awfully there. “President Lacina” is not what you want to be saying tow in friends and influence people.

Still, this Tribal Council DOES give us the best misdirection. The hatchet having evidently been buried, Tai suggests to Sarah that they take their fate into their own hands, rather than letting Brad and Troyzan control everything, and force a tie with Troyzan, leading to fire-making. This… Is actually a good idea for both. It shows that one didn’t just walk behind Brad Culpepper the entire time, and takes at least SOME agency back into their hands. Sure, Brad and Troyzan are probably telling you you’re safe, but of COURSE they’re saying that. Better to go with what you can predict.

This does not happen, however, and Tai is voted out in a boring Tribal Council. He’s another weird one where I’m both sorry and not sorry to see him go. I can’t say Tai brought NOTHING to the table, but I feel like we got enough Tai for a while. That said, I wish he hadn’t gotten such a thrashing this episode. The guy’s a decent-enough player. He really deserved better.

So, our finalists are Sarah, Brad, and… Troyzan? Are you sure there was a Troyzan on this season? I mean, I’m sure he’d give some weak argument about hanging in there and making good social bonds. But, we all know that with this jury, that now leans heavily towards the strategic, there’s no way that would hold water…

So, our finalists are Sarah and Brad. They talk about their strengths over generic shots of the finalist’s breakfast and burning some crates at camp. Sarah does her “cop and criminal” metaphor again, but swears to be honest at Final Tribal Council. Should she temper that honesty with tact, I can applaud this. Brad touts his challenge victories and good relationships as his key to winning. Pre-Tai, I would have agreed with this. Post-Tai, not sure the social game is how you want to go, buddy.

Our Final Tribal Council is noteworthy in that we finally get to find out what that “Jury Twist” Probst was promoting was. It’s… Underwhelming. Basically, rather than ask individual questions, Probst asks the players to have an open forum with the finalists about each aspect of the game, and what their thoughts are in that area. Now, I’m sure this gets a lot of hate, if only because many “Survivor” purists are resistant to change, I have to ask: is it really that big of a change? True, it gets Probst more involved in Final Tribal Council, which does rub me the wrong way, and I wouldn’t blame anyone for hating it for that alone. Still, the jury is the jury, and if there’s something on their minds, they’ll find a way to work it in, regardless of Probst’s categories or not. And those categories? They cover just about every aspect one could possibly vote on: Physical game, survival game, social game, strategic game. My point here is that while it is kind of yucky that Probst is leading a discussion, instead of acting with discretion, we’re really not getting anything that different from a usual jury. Heck, my thought was that, due to the number of unanimous votes of late, Probst would simply have the jury confer and cast one ballot for a consensus winner, which would have undermined “Survivor”. All that being said, this DOES mean we miss out on the hilarity of jury questions, so while I don’t think this is the worst, I’d prefer to go back to the old format after this season. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

That being said, we do get a sense of where the jury’s coming from. Troyzan, as mentioned, is pretty much out of it, though people like Aubry and Andrea do try and get him to argue for a Sandra-type game. He takes it in good grace, and joking aside, the guy is a GREAT sport about the whole thing, and should be commended for that alone. Troyzan aside, Sarah seems to be the frontrunner, with most praising her strategic game but point out that her ease in deception rubbed many of them the wrong way. This would be the point where Brad steps in, but he doesn’t come off so good either, getting lambasted for his treatment of Tai, and doing himself no favors when Michaela (who was very restrained tonight), asks him what he knows about her, and he can only rattle off the most basic facts. In fairness to Brad, he was never really allied with Michaela, but the fact remains that he still didn’t know her in quite as much detail as needed, and comes off looking bad as a result.

And yet, for all that the jury as a whole favored Sarah, the vote was still as close as it’s been since “Survivor One World” five years ago. And by that, I mean Sarah wins 7-3. A deserving winner for her game, and I wouldn’t mind seeing her back, but she’ll never be one of my favorites. I’m just too big a Kass fan, I guess. And Brad knew, as well. For all his cockiness in-game, you could tell by the look on his face at the vote read, he knew he had lost it.

Still, Sarah did bring us the best reunion show I’ve seen in a while. Oh, yes, they actually did it pretty well this time! True, we still didn’t hear from as many people as I’d have liked, but we hit a lot of the highlights at least briefly, got some good stuff from Sarah, and the hilarity of Brad trying to avoid being told that, had he put pride aside and voted out Sarah at the final four, he’d likely have won, was great. It’s fun to see Probst get thrown off of his game, at least when not done by Sia. Plus, we FINALLY get the reveal of what happens in the event of a tie. It’s a question many “Survivor” fans have been wondering since we moved beyond seven person juries and a final two. The answer is pretty much what most of us guessed. The person left out of the tie casts a deciding vote. Underwhelming, but probably the fairest answer I could come up with. What’s interesting to me is that Probst seemed to imply that the vote would have happened the night of the Final Tribal Council, rather than at the reunion show. This makes sense, since otherwise the edit would have had an impact on the vote, but I do wonder how that would have been shown. It would have cut out a lot of the tension from the reunion show, knowing ahead of time that everything came down to one vote. And yet, we STILL don’t know what happens if there’s a tie at only the final two, like what could have happened in “Survivor Micronesia”.

Really, the only minor misstep of the reunion show is the Zeke/Varner stuff. I’m a proponent of the idea that CBS as a whole handled the incident as tactfully as they could at the time, and I was happy to see both Varner and Zeke at the reunion show. That said, it REALLY didn’t need to be brought up. Whereas before it was an integral part of the game that needed to be talked about, now it did feel like ratings bait. And you could tell that Zeke in particular was uncomfortable with the whole thing, eyes darting back and forth pretty much the whole time. Varner did pay homage to Zeke being the real victim, and I don’t want to pile on angst to a guy who’s dealt with enough already, but MAN after that pat note did he focus on himself. The book deal, in particular, was unnecessary. All that said, though, if they were going to talk about it, they still did it ok, making sure to emphasize that what Varner did was wrong and pretty much condemning him for it.

Oh, and there’s the next season. “Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers”. I hate this title. It’s clunky, and does nothing to hide the fact that this is a rehash of the “Collars” twist from “Survivor Worlds Apart”. They even have the same freaking buff colors! The cast, from what we saw in the preview, didn’t look like anything special, but didn’t look bad either, so I’ll reserve my judgement for a full cast announcement. Still, “Survivor HvHvH”, as I will hereinafter call it, is starting off on thin ice. Oh, and Jeff? I get how “Hero” and “Healer” could be positives, but I don’t think “Hustler” really qualifies.

All that said, it’s time for the traditional…

TOP 5, and… THAT’S IT?

Yes, partly because I am tired, this season only gets a “Top 5” list with no honorable mention on it. However, this is not due solely to laziness, but also to the fact that my subject this time, in honor of the fallen jury questions, is, well, jury questions. They’ve been a staple of “Survivor” since the beginning, and even if they have gotten bland over the years, the best still need acknowledging. Since a “Bottom 5” list would pretty much be “See seasons 31-present”, there’s no real point in doing it. Only other point to note is that the ANSWER to the question will be a factor in the best jury questions. That said, let’s get started with…

5. “The Right Place for the Wrong Reasons” (“Survivor Samoa”): The only double-digit season to make this list, Erik Cardona’s jury speech, decrying Russell Hantz for being an awful human being while praising Natalie White for recognizing this and playing him for a sap falls into the “So bad, it’s good” category for me. It’s SO over the top and SO ridiculous that I can’t help but love it! Plus, it’s bashing Russell Hantz, which I can always get behind.

4. “Day at the Races” (“Survivor Vanuatu”): When I do a list for the best Final Tribal Councils ever, “Survivor Vanuatu” would definitely be near the top. It combines emotion and strategy beautifully, with a fascinating master class in BS courtesy of Chris Daugherty. That said, very few of the individual jury speeches stand out. Combined, they work great. Individually, they’re just ok. Sarge’s speech takes it, though, for successfully fooling me into believing that Chris might NOT have his vote on lockdown. Props, good sir.

3. “Anyone ELSE Deserving” (“Survivor The Amazon”): One of your stock jury questions is “Who on the jury should be sitting there instead of you/your opponent?”, and would therefore escape my notice, were it not for Heidi Strobel’s version of it in “Survivor The Amazon”. You see, Heidi had REALLY wanted to use this question to make finalists Jenna and Matthew pander to her. Instead they pandered to Rob, and Heidi was VERY upset about it, blatantly leading them on until Probst had to shut it down for being too much even for him.

2. “Rats and Snakes” (“Survivor Borneo”): Yeah, you knew this was coming. It’s a classic for a reason. It’s got drama. It’s distinctive. It pretty accurately summarized the game up until that point. Really, the only reason it’s not number one is that it’s just too overplayed at this point. Still, there’s a reason we have the “Order of Sue-Hawk-abies” on this blog. People just can’t resist a metaphor-filled diatribe.

1. “The Hyena and the Mush” (“Survivor Africa”): Sometimes you want a deep jury question that really throws things up in the air. And sometimes you want a curveball question for humor’s sake. Tom Buchanan delivers in that department, giving us a completely random and pointless question about a hyena licking its butt after eating the corn mush at camp, purely because his vote was already decided, and he just wanted to dick around with the finalists. There’s something about the insanity and irreverence that just appeals to me, and makes this the most memorable jury speech in my mind.

Now, on to the other tradition of this blog, noting how WRONG I was in my pre-season predictions!

Jeff Varner-We start off with a partial victory. He did last about as long as I thought, but he was more of a strategic presence than I guessed, and I could not have told you the manner of his exit, since I avoid spoilers.

Sandra-Pretty much right, although I do give her credit for being more of a power-player this time around than I could have predicted.

Cirie-Wrong. While I was right that she would be underestimated on the whole, she DID do a good job lasting after the merge, and staying the powerhouse a lot longer than I guessed.

Ozzy-Wrong about time in the game, right in that he’s still as dull as a sack of hammers.

J.T.-Wrong. Played much worse than I though, and as a consequence went out much earlier.

Andrea-Wrong. While I’m still no fan of hers, she DID prove that she’s got some chops on her, even if this is TECHNICALLY her worst performance in terms of placing.
Troyzan-Wrong again. Man, that’s a pattern tonight. The man lasted much longer than I thought, though I was right about his overall impact on the game.

Malcolm-Wrong, though in my defense, NO ONE could have predicted that stupid twist Tribal Council.

Brad-Wrong. Like I said before, guy really proved what he was capable of this time around.

Ciera-Even though I didn’t say she’d be first out, I’ll still give myself this one. I said she’d go early, and personality and reason for exit went pretty much to the letter of what I said.

Sarah-Wrong. Definitely a contender for Brad for “Most Improved”. Though she didn’t know the real reason behind her exit on “Survivor Cagayan” as I predicted.

Tony-Right, for once this blog.

Hali-She went out a bit earlier than I expected, but I’d say I was right otherwise.

Sierra-Sort of a reverse Hali. She still behaved as I expected, but lasted slightly longer than I thought she would.

Caleb-Wrong in that he went out sooner, but I don’t think I overestimated him too much in terms of strategy.

Debbie-She was pretty crazy (who would have guessed), and I GUESS she qualifies as a mid-merge boot, so yeah, I’ll give myself this one.

Tai-Wrong. Dude went WAY farther than played better than I’d have thought.

Aubry-Yeah, she didn’t win, but again, I think she did exceptionally well considering her start to the season. I’ll give myself this one.

Michaela-While I don’t think I overestimated her strategic capabilities, I did underestimate her time in the game. She got me there.

Zeke-We fortunately got nice Zeke this time around, so he played better and lasted longer than I guessed.

“Survivor Game Changers” as a whole is a mess, plain and simple. It was a poorly-conceived all-stars season, that loses out even to the ACTUAL “Survivor All-Stars” due to the latter at least paying better tribute to seasons pasts. Twists were thrown out left and right such that the status quo never got established, thus neutering such shake-ups. We had a few good episodes here and there, and things definitely picked up towards the end of the season, when the twists stopped coming and we could actually follow what was going on. But then we also have the Zeke outing episode and an underwhelming final three. I’m not saying that developing new characters is bad, or that we’d only have been happy if our favorites were in the end. But look who we lost: Aubry and Cirie, arguably two of the most popular players left in the end. And who’d we end up with? “This is My Island!”, “Fuck You Brad Culpepper”, and “President Lacina”. Not that these people didn’t earn their way to the end, nor did they play bad games, but they’re just not people we’re inclined to root for. All that said, I don’t think this is an AWFUL season. I’d just put it in the realm of below “Survivor South Pacific” and above “Survivor San Juan del Sur”, where it’s still technically GOOD, but there’s much better stuff to offer. Here’s hoping that “Survivor HvHvH” is at least better than its title.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Matt’s Fantasy “Survivor Second Chances 2” Ballot Extravaganza

Greetings and salutations, everyone! I would welcome you back to “Idol Speculation”, my knee-jerk opinion that everyone is entitled to, but as the cast of the upcoming “Survivor Kaoh Rong” will not be announced for another couple weeks, this can’t really be called a post for “Idol Speculation”. No, this is the promised off-season content for the shorter break I promised you. Normally this is the sort of thing I’d save for the longer off-season break, since I try not to take too long a vacation from writing, but I’ve got good reason this time. This is going to be a one-off blog, so I don’t see it setting any precedent for the future, and it’s only timely if I do it before next season. You see, while I thoroughly enjoyed “Survivor Cambodia”, there was one nagging problem in the back of my mind that I tried not to let on in the blog proper.

You see, the great thing about this season was that nearly all of my “Survivor” wishes came true at once. People I’d been longing to see back, like Kass and Stephen Fishbach, were finally getting their due. The trouble with this is, well, nearly all my “Survivor” wishes got granted at once. Not all of them, by any means, but the vast majority. However, this gave me little to nothing to look forward to in the future (barring future seasons being good in and of themselves and giving me further people to long to see back, of course), which is a bit depressing. So, I got the idea that perhaps I should draw up a list of the people I’d still like to see back, and this turned me onto the idea you’re reading right now. CBS wants another season where the fans vote in the cast? Why don’t I help them out! Hence, I have here drawn up a “Fantasy Second Chances” ballot. 16 men and 16 women from previous seasons who could, by the rules set for for consideration in the first “Survivor Second Chances” vote, who I’d like to see back in some capacity. I’ll list their name, season, and why I’d like them back/why I like them in general. Apologies if the list isn’t as detailed as you might like, but 32 people is a lot, and in many cases, they speak for themselves.

Before we get into the list itself, a few things to mention. First and foremost, while I followed the guidelines set down previously by CBS (anyone from any season, even pre-merge, but can only have played once, and no winners), this list is what I would like to see, not CBS. While some people may overlap in who CBS wanted and who I wanted, just because they were asked by CBS does not mean that I will consider them. For example, Jon Misch was asked by CBS to return, but didn’t respond in time. I wasn’t a fan of his on “Survivor San Juan del Sur”, so I’m not including him here. I did make a few what might be called “producer concessions”, where some people who I normally wouldn’t give too much thought to I put on because they’re the sort of people producers would want back, and I’ll be noting these, but by and large, these are what I’m looking for. Secondly, since Jeff Probst made sure to mention at the Second Chances vote reveal that not getting on this season did not prevent future casting, those who were on the first Second Chances ballot are allowed on here, though again, whether or not I let them back on is purely my discretion. Finally, I did factor in availability and willingness to participate, and excluded people I knew for certain do not or cannot do the show again, so personal favorites of mine such as Rafe Judkins (“Survivor Guatemala”) and Colleen Haskell (“Survivor Borneo”) were not considered due to unavailability and unwillingness to play, respectively. My information on who will and won’t play again is incomplete, so there may be people on this list who break this rule, but I’ll be noting any place where I’m uncertain.

Well, as a gentleman, I should start with the ladies. Therefore, let us look at the 16 women on my “Fantasy Second Chances” Draft…

WOMEN

Teresa “T-Bird” Cooper (“Survivor Africa”): While T-Bird may not have been voted on to “Survivor Cambodia”, she probably was voted “Most disappointed she wasn’t on.” by the fans, and I’m with them. T-Bird played a subtle strategic game on an underrated season, and played from the bottom, which is difficult to do. She got shafted by newer viewers this past time, which is a shame. I’d like to see her come back and do her season justice.

Helen Glover (“Survivor Thailand”): Believe me, I get why people dislike “Survivor Thailand”. There’s a lot of unpleasantness to go around, and there are other seasons with the strengths that this one has. It’s a decent enough one to skip over. However, I think Helen is underrated. She was actually pretty emotionally open, at least compared to her fellow competitors on that season. She had a lot of fun sound-bytes, and was a pretty strong woman, both physically and mentally. I’d like to see her come back, if only to gain her the respect she deserves.

Deena Bennett (“Survivor The Amazon”): Similar to Helen, Deena was a very different type of woman than you normally see on the show. Sharp as a tack, socially aware, and again, a lot of fun to listed to, I almost took either Deena or Helen off this list due to their similarities, but if “Survivor Cambodia” can have both Andrew Savage (“Survivor Pearl Islands”) and Terry Deitz (“Survivor Exile Island”) on it, Second Chances 2 can afford to have two unorthodox women in the ballot.

Christa Hastie (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Sort of a case of “What might have been?”, Christa seemed to be developing a more cutthroat, strategic side by the end of her first season, and I’d like to see if that’s developed, as well as how she’s changed with time. Plus, it’s just fan wish of mine for all three of the awesome “Christa-Sandra-Rupert” alliance back again at some point.

Jolanda Jones (“Survivor Palau”): Maybe not the most nuanced player the game has ever seen, but even in only one episode, Jolanda made an impact. She was a ton of fun in her zaniness, and I can only imagine it’s become more wacky and fun with time. Less a “strategic” ballot placement, and more a “fun” one, but you do need some of those.

Lydia Morales (“Survivor Guatemala”): My love for this under-appreciated season will not be denied! Lydia made for a great underdog story and a lot of the weird, yet fun, moments that I say characterize the good parts of this season. Bring her back, and let the fun continue.

Michelle Yi (“Survivor Fiji”): This choice might seem a bit odd, given that I’ve previously made clear that “Survivor Fiji” is my least-favorite (and, I would argue, worst) season of the show. Why, then, would I want someone back from it. Apart from Michelle and her enthusiasm being one of the few good points that “Survivor Fiji” has, Michelle, above all else, is the person I feel most DESERVES a second chance out of anyone on this fantasy ballot or on the original first one. While I don’t like the “Haves vs. Have Nots” twist of “Survivor Fiji”, nor did I like that the only real drama was due to an ugly “Car for immunity” deal towards the end that went south, these things can be forgiven, at least to a degree. It is Michelle’s ouster that really makes me HATE “Survivor Fiji”, and I would like to see it corrected. For those of you who are blissfully unaware of what happened, allow me to fill you in. After the merge on “Survivor Fiji”, as often happens, there was a power struggle between what we might call the “Yau-Man and Earl” alliance against a group of young guys dubbed “The Four Horsemen”. Pretty standard stuff for post-merge. There were some swing votes to keep it interesting, but the twist came that, rather than an individual immunity challenge, there would be a team immunity challenge, with the losers going directly to Tribal Council without any talking beforehand. A little bit weird, and certainly unfair, but I can see the logic. See what happens when you can’t collude for a vote. It can potentially make for some drama, with weird, random votes being cast, and adds chaos to an already chaotic time. We have a Tribal Council relying ENTIRELY on no one having a clue who everyone else will vote for. What happens then? Probst asks Alex, one of the four horsemen, to give him a reason to vote out everybody there. Alex then uses that situation to clue everyone in that he’s voting for Michelle, meaning she goes home, despite her alliance technically having a MAJORITY overall. She did nothing wrong, and Probst’s cheap line of questioning took all the drama out of what could have been a very dramatic Tribal Council! UNFORGIVABLE! For that reason alone, Michelle needs to come back.

Jamie Dugan (“Survivor China”): While I was never a huge fan of hers, she did have a certain devious charm to her. Everyone on the Fei Long Tribe was afraid of her, and I’ve never really been able to determine why. It’d be nice to see her back, if only to help us figure it out.

Natalie Bolton (“Survivor Micronesia”): People tend to give Amanda, Parvati, and Cirie credit for developing the all-powerful women’s alliance of this season, but such people tend to forget that Natalie was a big part of that as well. Devious to a large degree, it WAS Natalie’s performance that led to Erik Reichenbach giving up immunity, which must be respected. Plus, Natalie had a lot of fun confessionals. Add onto that the fact that she’s been cut from several casts by now, and I’d say it’s high time she had another shot.

Sandy Burgin (“Survivor Tocantins”): What can I say? Fun, quirky older ladies are one of my favorite things on “Survivor”. Not the brightest, but Sandy managed to survive a fairly brought start in the game (helped by a string of challenge wins), and I’d just like to see what fun she could bring to another season.

Taj Johnson-George (“Survivor Tocantins”): I’m a little skeptical about putting Taj on this list, since I’ve heard some rumors that she’s not really up for doing another season. However, the rumors are vague enough and I like her enough that I’m willing to stretch a little and put her on the list. Though she faded later in the season, Taj was a fascinating driving force early on, and a real underdog. Her contribution to the success of the old Jalapao post-merge cannot be understated, and I’d like to see if and how her strategic skills have improved.

Kelly Bruno (“Survivor Nicaragua”): No, no, calm your heart attacks. This is not “Purple Kelly” (someone I would NEVER consider inviting back), but rather, another one I feel might “deserve” to come back. Sort of in the same vein of why I liked Mikayla Wingle (“Survivor South Pacific”) on the first “Second Chances” ballot, I don’t so much feel that Kelly is the greatest character ever, but that she got unfairly persecuted by an awful human being, and at the very least, deserves a “Survivor” season where she can leave with dignity. Plus, as “Survivor Cambodia” demonstrated, give people named “Kelly” a second chance, and greatness can be achieved, so long as you’re not too picky about spelling.

Holly Hoffman (“Survivor Nicaragua”): Like with “Survivor Thailand”, I get why a lot of people don’t like this season. It had a lot of unpleasantness, particularly with the quits towards the end. However, while “Survivor Nicaragua” hit lower lows than “Survivor Thailand”, I’d also say it hit higher highs, and it’s a shame those highs aren’t acknowledged. Case in point, Holly. Holly had a great underdog story during her first out, and I’d like to see her improve on it. Plus, the older folks from that season don’t get a lot of love, even though there were a few gems among them.

Ashley Underwood (“Survivor Redemption Island”): I shudder as I write this, but yes, I am allowing someone from one of the most reviled seasons ever to be on this fantasy list. Yes, part of it is producer pandering, since they seem to love this season more than others, and they probably want more young, attractive people than I’d ever put on this list, so I’ll cater to them this time. I will say that if you MUST have someone back from this season, Ashley is the person to have. She, at least, showed a MODICUM of resistance to the reign of Boston Rob. Of course, this is “Survivor Redemption Island” we’re talking about her, so not a whole lot comes of it, but for this season, I’ll take what I can get.

Mikayla Wingle (“Survivor South Pacific”): Another person who was listed in the first “Second Chances” vote, and another person who’s more deserving than they are interesting. Like Kelly Bruno, Mikayla at least needs a season where she isn’t attacked by an awful human being. Plus, helps fill the “young, hot girl” quotient CBS feels it needs.

Carolyn Rivera (“Survivor Worlds Apart”): Carolyn actually did herself in, in a sense, by making it to the end. She lost many people’s vote (including mine), as they felt it might be a waste if she won. All this despite playing an excellent strategic game. This is a grievous miscalculation on the part of all the fans, myself included, and I’d like a chance to correct it.

MEN

Greg Buis (“Survivor Borneo”): Another producer concession, but one I’m little less upset about than most. CBS seems determined to have the entire merge cast of “Survivor Borneo” back (save for Colleen and Gretchen), and Greg’s not a bad way to round it out While his irreverence never struck as much of a cord with me as it did with others, I will concede that he still got a chuckle out of me every now and again, and I be intrigued to see how he’s changed in the years since his original stint. He only turned down the past “Second Chances” vote due to scheduling conflicts, so here’s hoping!

Silas Gaither (“Survivor Africa”): Another one falling into the “deserving” category, though this time it’s more fan perception of “deserving” than actually “deserving”. Silas was the first ever victim of a tribe swap, on top until luck wasn’t on his side. Is that unfair? I say no more unfair than any other victims of tribe swaps. Luck’s part of the game. If you can’t accept that, you shouldn’t be out there. Not that I’m saying Silas is COMPLAINING, mind you. In fact, from what I hear he’s pretty cool with his performance on his season. I’d just like to see any fan complaints quieted down, and an under-appreciated season get more representation.

John Carroll (“Survivor Marquesas”): John made for a fun early villain in the first half of “Survivor Marquesas”, and he had a very memorable exit. Again, since he’s a thinker and a superfan, I’d be curious to see how he improves, and if he can bring any new entertainment value to the table.

Sean Rector (“Survivor Marquesas”): Now, HERE’S someone who could definitely bring entertainment to the table! While I’m neither as big a fan nor as big a detractor of “Survivor Marquesas” as most people seem to be, I will admit that Sean was always a high point of the season. His self-depricating, racially fueled humor nearly always hit the mark (and pointed out some things we maybe weren’t ready to see), and it always amazed me that he was not on “Survivor All-Stars”, especially for the flak that season got for having no black men on it. I guess he was maybe passed over for Boston Rob, but personally, I think Sean’s funnier, less full of himself, and will definitely amp up the entertainment value of any season.

Matthew Von Ertfelda (“Survivor The Amazon”): Perhaps a more personal choice than some of the others on this list, I’ve always had a weird soft spot for the crazy man of the Amazon. Whether you found him enjoyable or he freaked you out, you remember Matthew. Maybe it was the shared first name, but I’ve always fallen on the “enjoy” side, and if nothing else, I’d like to see if his craziness was just the situation, or if it comes out no matter what.

Lea “Sarge” Masters (“Survivor Vanuatu”): This was a hard one for me. I love “Survivor Vanuatu” as a whole, and wanted to bring someone back from it, but everyone who sprang to mind didn’t fit the criteria. Fortunately we have Sarge, a really underrated character from the show, who I think could bring back his entertainment value from before. At the very least, we could get more of his death glare and “Say my name!”-ing. I think he might have scheduling conflicts, since he is in the Army and all, but if he can find some down-time, it’d be great to see him again.

Brian Corridan (“Survivor Guatemala”): Rewatching “Survivor Guatemala”, I’m reminded of how much of a riot Brian was. “Bait Blake” was a great game, he had some of the most memorable voting confessionals ever, and he managed to survive a bad tribe swap, at least for a bit. He could make for a dark-horse strategist if brought back, which I love.

Judd Sergeant (“Survivor Guatemala”): Maybe not the most pleasant of characters, but Judd definitely stands out from the crowd, and would make for a very divisive cast member. Since that causes drama, why not have him back? Plus, his “scumbags” remark needs to be repeated in some manner.

“Cao Boi” Bui (“Survivor Cook Islands”): Evidently I just have a thing for the crazy men on this list. Cao Boi, while maybe not as funny in his craziness as Matthew, did have a certain charm to him. All these crazy remedies and strange beliefs of his, they were just great tv. And the weird thing was, a lot of his folksy remedies seemed to WORK! I know people complained about them, but they WORKED! That, to me, is a plotline worth exploring on another “Second Chances” season.

Michael “Frosti” Zernow (“Survivor China”): Kind of producer pandering here, since young, hot men are also somewhat in demand. Particularly athletic men, which Frosti fills very well, being the only real challenge rival to James on that season. Frost never stood out that much to me, but as bland, athletic people go, we could do worse.

Ace Gordon (“Survivor Gabon”): While I will concede that the first several episodes of “Survivor Gabon” are not the best the show has ever put forward, the best bits of it were the bits with Ace in them. The accent alone made him a great character, but he actually came to play as well! Not always play WELL, and he was a bit full of himself, but it was still the best thing to watch. His power struggle with Ken was where the season really started to get interesting, so I’d like to see him come back again for his over-the-top deviousness adding flavor to the overall season. And the METAPHORS! Ace needs to come back if only for the metaphors he could give. “Legless chickens racing against sleek weasels.” is a hard one to top.

Ken Hoang (“Survivor Gabon”): And who better to bring back opposite Ace than his greatest rival? When I was trying to think of people I still hadn’t seen back yet who I wanted, Ken was the immediate thought for me. I loved his “coming-of-age” story on “Survivor Gabon”, and his development as a strategist was great. His only flaw was a bit of cockiness, which he himself admits, and I’d like to see him make up for that mistake. The man wants to come back, so I’m hopeful he’ll get another shot soon. Simply put, an underrated strategist who needs another chance to show us his stuff.

Marty Piombo (“Survivor Nicaragua”): The “chess grandmaster” himself, Marty’s tall tales alone should have won him a second chance. He never stopped trying until the bitter end, he made ridiculous deals that actually worked, and while he could get a bit whiny at times, it was still worth tuning in just to see what he’d do next. If we could have another season of that, I’d be all for it.

LJ McKanas (“Survivor Cagayan”): Much like Tasha, LJ is a person who could have been a great character, and merely got shunted to the side due to a plethora of great characters on “Survivor Cagayan”. LJ is not to be underestimated, though. He had the brains to make for a great strategist, and that’s potential I’d like to see develop. Plus, another hot guy.

Josh Canfield (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”): Apart from Jeremy, Josh was one of the few great things about “Survivor San Juan del Sur”. It seems to me that we had one of the two major players of the season back, now we need to round it out. Josh definitely made some mistakes, but I think he’s got the wherewithal to learn from them, and once his sting on Broadway ends, he’ll be available, so I look forward to him running things even more efficiently the second time around.

Rodney Lavoie, Jr. (“Survivor Worlds Apart”): Truly, Rodney was a fascinating, entertaining… Ok, I really just want to see him on so he can be denied further reward challenges and complain about his “damn birthday” even more. Plus, producer pandering.

And there you have it, a fantasy “Second Chances” bracket. Will it come to pass? Of course not! There are seasons yet to be filmed/aired that will most likely produce worthy candidates, so some of the people on this list will be cut. Still, I think it’s fun to start considering what possibilities we have already. let me know what you think! Anyone I missed? Someone on this list you particularly like or dislike as a choice? Completely hate my guts for not putting Jon Misch on here? Let me know in the comments below! For now, I will await you at the reveal of the cast for ‘Survivor Kaoh Rong”!

-Matt

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Caramoan” Episode 11: Making the Grade

Almost managed to see the episode!  My plane got in on time, so it would have been tight, but I could have made it.  Unfortunately for me, the trains back to Wollongong were on a reduced schedule due to ANZAC Day, so I was delayed enough that m only choice is to proceed as planned. It seems, though, that I got my wish, in that not much of significance happened in the episode.  We had repeat challenges, exactly the outcome I thought, and not much headway in terms of gameplay.  The only two notable things I saw were Cochran winning immunity again (Kudos), and Malcolm getting voted out, and yeah, I’m kind of sorry to see him go, but kind of not at the same time.  While he was still a joy to watch, just like last season, he did feel somewhat diminished.  He comments weren’t as witty (though I admit, it’s hard to top “Abi-Maria has all the social grace of a Mack Truck.”), and his strategy, while present, took a while to germinate, and even then, it was always the same thing: Malcolm struggling and failing to regain control of his fate. Now to be fair, that is different from what we saw last time, as once Matsing had been dissolved, he was on top pretty much the whole way, so we did get to see how Malcolm fared under pressure.  But I don’t know, maybe he was just tired, but it felt like Malcolm was somewhat less this season.  I’d be happy to see him back, and it certainly is a loss to have him gone, but I’m happy that Cochran’s in control, and the game continues.

Now, as to the surprise I teased you about: Well, it occurred to me a while back that, while I’ve given indications about which seasons I like and don’t like between my regular blogs and “Survivor Retrospectives”, I’ve never actually outright stated what my favorite and least favorite seasons are, and in what order.  Given that it does, to a degree, influence how I feel about current seasons, I feel it’s high time that I came right out and ranked the seasons in order of my personal opinion, and gave an explanation as to why.  I’ll only be ranking through “Survivor Philippines”, as the outcome of a season does influence my perception of it, so it would be unfair to rank “Survivor Caramoan” in with other seasons.  I’ll also say that those who read “Survivor Retrospectives” may note some discrepancies between my ranking there and my ranking here.  Part of that is due to “Survivor Retrospectives” giving a (somewhat) objective look at the seasons as individuals, while this is a more subjective look at all seasons in comparison with each other.  Another part of it, though, is that my opinion does somewhat fluctuate on a daily basis.  The categories very rarely change; those seasons I think are great remain great in my mind, those seasons I think are awful remain awful in my mind, and those seasons I think are average remain average in my mind.  However, there is some play within those categories, and that’s why the rankings may seem wonky at times.

Well, with all that settled, let’s not waste any more time, and head off on a nostalgia trip!  It won’t be all pleasant, but hopefully it’ll give you all some insight into my thinking.

25. “Survivor Fiji”: Right off the bat, we get one that might seem a surprise.  Not that Fiji would be ranked low, to be sure, most people agree it’s one of the worst seasons, but that it would be THE lowest for me.  While I’ve made mention a few times that I don’t like “Survivor Fiji”, I also don’t bash on it very often, reserving my outright hatred for seasons like “Survivor Redemption Island” and “Survivor Samoa”, and don’t worry, they’ll be very low on this list, but then why, if I hate them so, would I consider Fiji the worst?  The answer is that, while seasons like “Survivor Redemption Island” and “Survivor Samoa” do arouse my hatred, they at least arouse an emotion.  Fiji is the one season of “Survivor” that I would ever describe as “forgettable”.  The location is boring, the cast was boring, the challenges were boring, the twists were boring, when they weren’t painful.  Some would argue that Yau-Man Chan makes up for these faults, but I don’t know, I could kind of tell from the get-go that the editors were building him up as something of an unexpected Superman of “Survivor”, and it just made him less exciting for me.  Earl was a very generic winner, and the few things that I do remember about the season (Dreamz’ refusing to give up immunity, Probst’s cheap Tribal Council questioning at the immediate Tribal Council after the merge, the dumb “Haves vs. Have-nots” twist) are painful, so yeah, not a fan of this season.  I think the thing that speaks the most against it, though, is that with most seasons, I can remember probably 80-90% of the people who were on it, both their first and last names. With Fiji, I couldn’t even tell you most of their FIRST names, and that speaks to just how pathetic of a season it is.

24. “Survivor Redemption Island”: Yeah, you all saw this one coming.  This might as well have been called “Survivor Boston Rob” for just how one-sided the game was.  Anyone on the Ometepe Tribe who wasn’t a sheep was quickly eliminated, and while the Zapatera Tribe COULD have been interesting, their complete apathy post-merge was nothing short of painful.  On top of that, as I mentioned before, the “Redemption Island” twist was a stupid idea that did not need to happen in any context.  The location wasn’t quite as generic, and I’ll admit that it was somewhat memorable the way that Boston Rob completely dominated the game, but even that memory mostly brings up the wasted potential of the cast.  ON top of that, this is the season that gave us the unpleasantness that is Phillip “Special Agent?” Sheppard, and there’s no way I could ever like the season that produced him.

23. “Survivor One World”: This has man of the same flaws as “Survivor Redemption Island”: One person who completely dominated the gameplay from the beginning, an apathetic post-merge situation, and a very unpleasant character, in this case Colton Cumbie.  What puts it above Redemption Island are two things: One, there was not “Redemption Island” twist, and two, the person who dominated was at least a NEW face on the scene, rather than one we’d seen THREE TIMES BEFORE, AND DID NOT NEED TO SEE AGAIN!  These seem like big things, but Colton’s mean-spirited actions this season really drag it down, so this is the highest I can, in good conscience, give it.

22. “Survivor Nicaragua”: Another of my favorite “Survivor” punching bags, and one that a lot of people have lately said is the worst season, and thus might expect it to be ranked lower than it is. Now to be fair, there is lot to hate about this season, and it’s still one of my least-favorites, but thinking back on it, I think people perhaps over-accentuate the negative on this one.  There are actually a few things to like hidden amongst the pain.  The location was a new one for the show, the overall aesthetic unique, the twist (while still painful) an obvious one that had to be, and the thing that people seem to most forget, this season had Brenda Lowe and Marty Piombo, two very intelligent, engaging strategists, who had an exceptional power struggle post-tribe swap.  The main thing people hate this season for are Na’Onka Mixon and Purple Kelly (another one whose last name I don’t know), the former of whom was mean-spirited, the latter of whom was a non-entity, and both of whom gave in to the urge to quit very late in the game, making them absolutely reviled by the fan community.  While I hardly deny that these are painful things that drag the season down, people tend to forget that they only came in the last third of the game.  The first two thirds, while hardly perfect, were filled with a few good, memorable moments, and as I’ve said, gave us some good strategy talk.  Purple Kelly was a casting goof, I’ll admit, but they’ve made as big gaffes in seasons previous, and Na’Onka… I won’t deny that she was unpleasant, but frankly, I found her alright.  She wasn’t a GOOD character, but I found her ignorable, and if nothing else, it was fun to watch each week, and ask how on Earth she was still around.  Still, this season had a lot of forgettable people, a lot of “undeserving” people making it far, and more than its fair share of painful memories, but I still say people give it a harder time than it deserves.

21. “Survivor Samoa”: Oddly, this is one that I see a lot of people praising because it did so much new for “Survivor” and had a good underdog story.  Now, I would buy all that IF THAT UNDERDOG STORY WAS ABOUT A CHARACTER WHO WAS ACTUALLY LIKEABLE!  Russell Hantz, while mildly intriguing in some aspects, is an egotistical, overhyped, hypocritical bigot who makes me cringe every time he appears on screen.  Watching HIM of all people rise to power was NOT a fun journey in any way, shape, or form.  For that matter, people also give him credit as being a good strategist, and while I admit that he’s good at sensing bullshit and knowing when and how to play idols by and large, that’s it.  He really cannot grasp the more social aspects of the game, and that’s where he falls flat for me.  Still, I might have been able to get by this, but much like the seasons beneath this, the other characters were sheep set up so the one big character could have an easy march to the finals.  With the possible exceptions of Russell Swan and Shannon “Shambo” Waters, there’s really no one who is remembered in the slightest, and it just all felt like a casting error.  “It only takes one person.” I hear people say.  I’m here to tell you that’s not true, a season is made up of a whole group of people, so it takes a good whole group to make a good season, which “Survivor Samoa” is not.

20. “Survivor Thailand”: Here we have another season often called one of the worst, and my opinion of it is similar to my opinion of Nicaragua.  Once again, we have a season with a very distinctive theme, some nice bits of strategy, something of an underdog story (which was, in a sense, present in parts of Nicaragua, but was not a major component, so I ignored it), a lot of good twists, but that falls apart at the end.  Unlike Nicaragua, this one didn’t really have any characters who were non-entities, but it did have a lot more unpleasant characters.  A particular problem is that a lot of the Chuay-Gahn Tribe, who made it to the end, were just not fun to watch, given how coldhearted they were, and I’ll admit that, plus the predictable post-fake-merge boot order drag it down, but it still had a good story it was telling, good twists, and a great location, so I think this season, while not the best, deserves a better reputation then it has.

19. “Survivor South Pacific”: It is here that we leave the realm of “Unpleasant Seasons”, and enter into the much larger realm of “Average Seasons”.  I make note of this because I wanted to put South Pacific higher on the list, I really did.  It has a number of things going for it, specifically in Dawn Meehan and John Cochran.  However, the “Average Seasons” are the largest category on this list, and while I like them all, some do have to be acknowledged for what they’ve done, and so I can’t justify putting them below South Pacific.  It’s not that South Pacific was a bad season; as I’ve said, I love Dawn and Cochran, but unfortunately, they are not the first things I think of when I think of this season.  What I do think of are Benjamin “Coach” Wade and Brandon Hantz, neither of which are things I want to focus on.  Also, this season shares a lot of problems with Redemption Island, specifically the “Redemption Island” twist, the predictable boot order, and the largely apathetic cast.  Admittedly the Savaii Tribe did try a little harder, but you still had a returnee controlling the game the entire way, and it just drags the season down to the point where I can’t justify it being higher up.

18. “Survivor Exile Island”: When I think of “Survivor Exile Island”, I just sort of think “meh”.  It wasn’t a BAD season, there was nothing to particularly hate about it, but there was little to really get excited about it either.  The theme wasn’t the most generic, but didn’t stand out, either, the cast wasn’t painful, but didn’t have a lot of standouts, and the challenges were clever, but nothing to write home about.  This season did give us Cirie Fields, who while a good strategist, I found just a tad to snarky, sarcastic, and overrated, but also gave us Terry Deitz, whom I loved for his underdog story and his physical prowess, so the two sort of even out.  The one thing that is REALLY good about this season, though, is the twist.  Exile Island, while not an obvious idea, was a great one, changing up the game while still staying true to the core values, and adding a new layer of social isolation, as well as giving us the now titular hidden immunity idol.  That part is a lot of fun to watch, and you’ll notice the twist stuck around for a long time, and with good reason in my opinion.

17. “Survivor China”: I’ll come right out and say that I LOVE the challenges and location this season.  This is probably one of the most unique seasons eve in that regard, and that’s pretty much half the reason this season is above the others.  The other half is that this was a very strategic season, both socially and politically.  There were a lot of gamers who’d come out to win it, and a lot of unlikely saves and a lot of unlikely votes.  Of course, the cast also had its share of knuckleheads, notably the lovable James Clement.  That said, I’m not a huge fan of this cast.  Kind of similar to Exile Island, though, in that very few of them stand out, save possibly James.  Again, they’re not bad, and I do love the strategy, but they’re just not that unique.  In particular, I find the final 4 contestants to be either forgettable or unpleasant, and while I won’t deny that Todd’s a good strategist, I don’t think he was the greatest winner ever. Still, not a bad season, by any stretch.

16. “Survivor The Australian Outback”: Once again we have a unique location, but is hampered by a lack of much else.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, this cast had more than its share of standouts and twists brought by the environment, and was by no means forgettable.  However, I find that the cast is not as strong for those of us who don’t have a certain nostalgia for “Classic ‘Survivor’”, and a lot of the people, while interesting, just don’t stand out as much in the long run.  Also, while there was strategy this season, it felt more subdued somehow, like the people were more self-conscious of their decisions, trying to be nicer to each other, and that just didn’t sit right with me.  All in all, though, this was still an alright season, and I’ll gladly watch it again.

15. “Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”: Had I done this list as soon as I’d thought to do it, which was about halfway through One World, this season would have been a lot higher, just by comparison.  You’ll notice that of the last 5 complete seasons, 4 appeared in the bottom 6 section of the list, so you can reasonably figure that this period was not a good one for “Survivor”.  As such, Heroes vs. Villains had a lot of nostalgia attached to it as the last “Truly Great” season of “Survivor”.  However, “Survivor Philippines” came along, and reminded us that there could be really good seasons still, and that made me at least take a closer look at Heroes vs. Villains, and realize that despite my nostalgia, there are a few flaws with the season, most notably the ending.  My God, the post-merge section of this season is really painful, and exceedingly hard for me to get through.  For all that this season did a good job of keeping you on your toes with good strategy and improbable events, the picking off of the former Heroes was just a real letdown, particularly since it was our old friend Russell Hantz who got to survive because of it.  That’s not something I wanted to see.  Also, thinking more on it, in a sense this was just a cheap rehash of “Survivor All-Stars”.  Admittedly, it did try its hardest to separate itself from All-Stars, but it didn’t do a very good job, in my opinion.  One must not neglect the positives, though.  As I said, this was a very unpredictable season, which I always like.  Moreover, it chose good challenges to revamp, and did an excellent job portraying the grayed line of “Hero” and “Villain”, showing quite well how both sides had to use both types of behaviors to get through the game.  So yeah, still a good season, just not as good as I say we give it credit for.

14. “Survivor All-Stars”: From a fanboy’s perspective, this is the season that I wanted to see above all others when I heard about it, and in many respects, it didn’t disappoint.  It was an effective homage to “Survivor” history up to that point, featured a lot of good characters and strategists, and seemed bigger and badder than previous seasons.  However, that joy is marred by a certain amount of uncomfortableness.  The way all the contestants took everything so personally came off as unpleasant, and there were a lot of just plain awkward moments, like the death of Jenna Morasca’s mother, and Sue Hawk’s rant before leaving.  Furthermore, while this season had a lot of strategists, post-merge boots were fairly predictable, pre-merge boots were little better, and once again, we have a season largely dominated strategically by Boston Rob.  Maybe it’s the fanboy in me, though, but I still overlook it just for the pure, nerdy, “Survivor” joy.

13. “Survivor Cook Islands”: Probably the season featuring the most legally controversial twist, I actually think this one’s pretty ok.  This was another season with a lot of strategists, and while a decent chunk of time went to eventual winner Yul Kwan, a lot of other strategists like Jonathan Penner and Parvati Shallow got their moment in the sun as well.  Furthermore, post-merge, there was a LOT of unpredictability as to who would leave.  Ultimately there was something of a Pagonging of the original Rarotonga Tribe, but they did shake it up a bit, and unlike the Pagonging shakeups of the Australian Outback, these felt more thought out and genuine.  This season loses some points for having a somewhat lackluster pre-merge, but even that was spiced up with a few good characters like Cao Boi Bui and Ozzy Lusth.  Also, for once they did “Generic South Pacific Island” right, by giving it a more distinctive nautical theme that just makes for a very enjoyable season.

12. “Survivor Marquesas”: Readers of “Survivor Retrospectives” might find this one a surprise, as of all the seasons I’ve graded to date, this one is the lowest overall.  But I have to say, looking back on it, I really do love how much of an underdog season this was.  You had so many great strategist going in, yet it was the people who learned from the game the most, the ones who adapted, who took it home, and that sort of story really appeals to me. Furthermore, some of the elements I disliked, such as Boston Rob, were gone relatively early, so I can tolerate them somewhat more. While the season does suffer from the “Generic South Pacific Island” problem, it still holds up for me because of its social game.

11. “Survivor Philippines”: When I set out to actually make this list, this is the ranking that most surprised me.  Don’t get me wrong, Philippines is a very solid season, and a welcome relief after One World, but I thought this one would be a lot lower than it was, not because it was particularly bad, but because it didn’t do anything new and different.  All the season above this one d something that made them stand out, while Philippines, at first glance, really didn’t.  You had some AMAZING strategy, particularly post-merge, and enough crazy people to get you by, but what did this season do that others didn’t?  It hit me then that what this season does (aside from being timed right) is stay consistent.  While there’s no one element that stands out particularly well, unlike a lot of seasons beneath this, there’s nothing dragging it down either.  I know in my blogs I called a few episodes “boring”, but that was relative to each other.  Overall, each episode was exciting in its own way, and while nothing about this season stands out, it remains a good example of what “Survivor” is, and how it should be played.  And again, it’s coming after several awful seasons probably makes it seem better than it is.

10. “Survivor Vanuatu”: Here we enter the season that I love, the ones I can watch many times over (with one exception) and always find something new to enjoy.  A lot of people give Vanuatu a hard time, and it’s easy to understand why.  General problems of “Generic South Pacific Island” aside, this season didn’t have a lot of stand-out characters, kind of like Philippines in that way.  It had a couple, I suppose, with people like Rory Freeman and Lea “Sarge” Masters, but both were out quickly after the merge, and were more characters than strategists.  I’ve said before, though, that it’s the strategists that make up this season’s bulk, and that’s what I love it for.  Like Philippines, this season was made up of strategists, and had a large amount of unpredictability.  What this season has over Philippines, though, is that you had even more of an underdog story for a winner.  While I admit that Denise overcame great odds, literally surviving every single Tribal Council, I notice that very rarely was she actually a TARGET at said Tribal Councils.  Chris Daugherty, the eventual winner of Vanuatu, didn’t go to as many Tribal Councils, but had a target on his back for almost every one of them.  It’s fascinating to watch him work, and spar with the women of Yasur, most of whom were quite capable strategists themselves.  Truly an unpredictable finish for what amounts to quite an enjoyable season.

9. “Survivor Tocantins”: This was another surprise in my ranking, and its height comes from precisely two factors: Stephen Fishbach and J.T.  These two were phenomenal, working together to subtly manipulate the game and come out on top.  Also, the relationship seemed very genuine, and was a nice breath of fresh air in a cutthroat game.  It also helped that they had a good underdog story going for them, as it kind of offset the sometimes predictable boot order.  Even so, this season slipped in a few surprises.  It pulled no punches with the twists, but sometimes it’s good to take a break and have a twist-free season, at least in terms of producer twists.  Now, this season does have Coach on it, and that does hurt the season in my view, but to be fair, his craziness was mesmerizing in a strange sort of way, and while he was annoying, he had at least a few funny moments in there, and as the primary thing I remember about this season is J.T. and Stephen’s relationship, and how great a thing that was, I find myself overlooking some of the flaws to really enjoy this season.

8. “Survivor Borneo”: Get away from those comment boxes, hardcore fans, I see you there.  This is my list, and I’ll stand by my assertion that Borneo has not aged as well as some would like to believe.  In my opinion, a lot of the reason this season is almost always “#1” on anyone’s list is just the pure nostalgia of realizing what sort of a show this was for the first time.  As this wasn’t the first season I saw, I don’t have the same feelings towards the season, and so see it as a good season, but not one of the best.  There were almost no twists, and the strategy was fairly one-sided, coming mostly from the Tagi alliance.  Still, if you want interpersonal dynamics, there’s no better season for it.  As most people coming into the game were naïve about what it would become, they were much freer with their personalities than other seasons.  The way they all blended together, their interactions, their debates about morality and other important issues, all of that is great television, just not necessarily what “Survivor” is known for.  Still, interesting tv is interesting tv, be it “Survivor”-like or not, and so I have to give the season credit there.  Also, for all that I bashed it in my “Survivor Retrospectives”, the cheap-looking aesthetic is kind of cool, adding to what is already a pretty damn good season.

7. “Survivor Gabon”: Reading through this list, you may have noticed certain trends in what I like and don’t like. Hopefully, you at least noticed that I like me an underdog story, and Gabon provides one of the best underdog stories, so much show that they even lampshaded it in that damn clip show they do every season.  The people who made it late in the game were some of the most unlikely on paper to ever make it, and I just love the hell out of that. Also, this season had a lot of unpredictability at all phases, but particularly post-merge.  Since these unlikely people were rising to the top left, right, and center, you never could be sure exactly who was going home, leading to a lot of fun blindsides.  I’ve seen a lot of people argue that a lot of unpleasant people populated this season, making it worse, and while I won’t deny that those people were present, most of them were eliminated fairly quickly, and the few that were left were tolerable.  Furthermore, this was a season set in Africa, and while it does lose points for drawing heavily on the previous “Survivor Africa”, it manages to bring itself into its own, making itself its own unique, enjoyable watch.

6. “Survivor Africa”: Speaking of Africa, here’s the original, and another season I think suffers from comparison to its predecessors (bear in mind, I watched the seasons out of order).  This season has the balance of the best of “Survivor” in my opinion.  The people are still “real” enough to be relatable and have good interpersonal conflict, but are also smart enough to come up with some good strategy, and throw in a few surprising votes.  Add into that a great location and you have a great season.  Plus, this is the season that introduced producer twists, and in my opinion, it improved the game immensely.

5. “Survivor The Amazon”: If you want to talk unpredictability, you have to talk about the Amazon.  Week after week there was a blindside, making one not only intrigued and curious, but also creating a large amount of suspense that’s key for any season.  Furthermore, this was the rise of the “likeable strategist”, which allowed for the creation of the scumbags we all know and love today.  The location was a touch generic, but man, what a twist with the “boys vs. girls” idea.  A bit obvious, perhaps, but it added whole new dynamics, and really gave the season a theme all its own.  Throw in some good characters, and you get one of the best seasons of “Survivor” of all time.

4. “Survivor Palau”: This one is maybe the biggest surprise to those who read “Survivor Retrospectives”, as I really laid into it for being hard to rewatch.  That, however, did not do the post-merge-game justice, as it’s a lot better than I gave credit for.  There was a lot of scheming, and lot of dilemmas (both personal and interpersonal), and some really creative politicking.  Now, the pre-merge is still hard to watch in some ways, but as a connoisseur of challenges, I have to say, I can get by just by waiting for the challenges, because this season had probably the most consistently good challenges, that went well with the unique and phenomenal aesthetic.  Also, while some boots might have been predictable, this season made up for it by having a lot of firsts, some good, some bad, some contestant-implemented, some producer-implemented, but all lending the season its own unique flavor.  I really did give it too hard of a time in my blog on it.

3. “Survivor Guatemala”: Now THIS is my equivalent of Borneo.  A lot of people say that this season is bad for having one or two unpleasant people in the cast, and just an overall unmemorable cast, but I disagree.  I think there’s a lot of people to like, some really good strategizing (even if it did lead to a fair number of predictable boots), and some really interesting twists, not to mention Guatemala being a PHENOMENAL location to shoot in, as well as a tough one.  It’s often said that Guatemala is probably the toughest location the show has ever ha, and I’d buy that.  This layer of difficulty is part of what makes me so fond of Guatemala, but mainly, it has to be that this is the season that opened my eyes to “Survivor”, that greatly influenced my life to the point where I’m writing this blog.  I cannot be more grateful to it.

2. “Survivor Pearl Islands”: This season just had a good mix of everything I like: Big characters, plenty of blindsides, excellent strategy, good challenges, brilliant aesthetic, and all wrapped up in a package of passion.  You can really tell that after Amazon was a hit, the producers stepped up their game, pulling out all the stops to create a unique, enjoyable season.  The only two reasons this is not my favorite are that it’s perhaps a little too out of the norm for “Survivor”, and that Jonny Fairplay got so far.

1. “Survivor Micronesia”: In contrast, this season knew how to win my love by getting Fairplay out at the very beginning.  At first glance, this might not seem like a good candidate for my favorite season.  Sure, the challenges were quite good, and there were a lot of well-executed blindsides, but there were a lot of contestants who were non-entities, particularly on the fan’s side and there was a big problem of “Generic South Pacific Island”. What wins me over is that, if you look closely, you find that everyone, even the supposed non-entities on the Fans, had SOMETHING going for them, with the possible exception of Mary.  It might have been a small something, but it was at least something.  Moreover, even including Amazon, this was, far and away, the most unpredictable season I’ve ever seen, including the rise of probably the most effective alliance ever seen on the show.  All that is just too enjoyable for a fan of strategy like me to resist, and so I have to name this season number 1.

Whew!  That took a lot out of me.  I hope you enjoyed this look into my likes and dislikes of seasons, and please comment on what seasons YOU enjoy the most, and what aspects you think I’m missing/got wrong on this list.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

“Survivor” Retrospectives: Vanuatu

Well, following “Survivor All-Stars”, the show seemed to be on a streak.  “Survivor The Amazon” and “Survivor Pearl Islands” were both very well received, and “Survivor All-Stars”, while not the greatest season ever, was very much a tribute to the past, and so was still pretty well liked.  But going into the 9th season (Vanuatu), the big question was “How do you top returning castaways?”  The short answer is that you can’t, but unfortunately, it is part of what led to Vanuatu being seen as a poor season overall.  However, is it really deserved, or was it just bad timing?  Does the season whose best review calls it “forgettable” really fall at the bottom of the barrel?  Read on and find out.

First, though, a quick reminder that this review does contain spoilers. If you just want an opinion on how watchable the season is, scroll down to the bottom of the page, where I will have an “Abstract” section that will answer this question, while only talking about this season in the broadest of strokes.  But let’s waste no more time, and plunge into the review.

CAST

In my cast preview for “Survivor One World”, I listed off 4 types of seasons, and cited Vanuatu as an example of a strategy-dominated season.  You can read my full description of the implications in my blog, the link for which I have provided (

https://idolspeculation.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/idol-speculation-survivor-one-world-cast-assessment/), but suffice to say that seasons dominated by strategists usually are not received well, and that’s certainly true of this season.  A boring cast is one of the things most often cited as why Vanuatu was a bad season.  Here, though, I have to disagree.  While I do admit that Vanuatu had fewer “characters” than previous seasons, it was also one of the few seasons where nearly everybody was good at playing the game, and almost nobody shirked away from strategy.  The few exceptions (such as Dolly Neely) were quickly disposed of, leaving us with an intriguing, unpredictable game.  Seriously, looking at the season as a whole, without knowing the outcome, would you guess that Chris Daugherty would walk away with the million?  The man lost the first immunity challenge for his tribe, and was the last man standing against a strong, six woman alliance that had systematically picked off his allies!  I wouldn’t have given him any odds to win, and yet he did.  While I won’t go into much detail on the others, you certainly can’t deny that everyone who made the merge, at least, went in for strategic thinking with few qualms.  This, to my mind, made the season very intriguing.

Another major criticism of the season, which goes along with it having fewer characters, is that there were no villains to hate.  You couldn’t root against anybody, couldn’t hunger to see someone gloriously voted off, because, even when being strategic, these people were nice, or else working out of desparation.  Chris might have been good villain material, and he certainly had the one-liners for it, but having a villain win was considered bad P.R.  This led to Ami Cusack (who my dog is named after) being classed as a viallian, which, to a degree, she deserved.  I’m sorry, Eliza Orlins, but Ami snuffing out Travis “Bubba” Sampson’s and Lisa Keiffer’s torches after only the slightest HINT that they might vote you off, counts as villainous.  Does this mean that she’s a bad person?  No, none of the contestants are, they just played strategically.  A lot of people don’t like the moral conflict, being unable to outright hate someone, but I personally find it fascinating.  Pushing the limits of morals, seeing the duality of people’s personalities and actions, for me, that’s a thrill ride, and a big part of what I like about this cast.

While I will admit that this season did not have the biggest characters, I also wouldn’t say that it didn’t have ANY characters, it’s just that they’re not talked aobut very much.  Lea “Sarge” Masters is the prime example, portraying the stereotype of the drill sergeant, barking orders around his tribe, and getting fed up with more lackluster members like Rory Freeman.  Also a character was Twila Tanner, who portrayed the southern, hard working, no nonsense mom to the point where it cost her a million dollars. The problem was that these people were strategists as well as characters, and even then weren’t the most extreme characters ever, they still had some of the characteristics.  Two other people I should note, even though they aren’t “characters” are Chad Crittenden and Julie Berry, the former being the first contestant with a prosthesis (which, in a sense, is all he is remembered for, as he had the approximate personality of white bread), and the latter dating Jeff Probst for a significant period of time.  Both were ok strategists, who weren’t the greatest characters (although Julie’s attempt at nude sunbathing was a valiant effort), but got remembered for things unrelated to the game.

In short, I’ll say that what other’s see as weaknesses in this cast, I see as strengths.  A cast doesn’t need to be polarized characters to be exciting, and it was refreshing to see a majority of strategists at the merge.  It made for interesting psychology, and for my money, made this one of the better casts.

Score: 9 out of 10.

CHALLENGES

The best way I can describe the Vanuatu challenges is “meh”.  This is not to say they’re bad by any stretch of the imagination, oh no!  When they want to be awesome and epic, they take it to the extreme.  For instance, the Final 4 Immunity Challenge, a Vertical Maze, was truly exciting and new, making it one of my favorites (not quite top 5, just due to the number of amazing challenges, but easilly top 10).  The problem is that the inverse is also true: when the challenges aren’t amazing, they’re boring and forgettable.  Seriously, although the challenges aren’t awful or cringe-inducing, everything just seems toned-down and phoned in this season.  I think it was hindered by a few problems. First of all, the location is once again “Generic South Pacific Island”, so it didn’t have a distinctive culture to draw on.  Scratch that, it DID, but aside from a few Tamtams (and a hilarious incident with a pig that I’ll discuss in the “Twist” section), they didn’t do anyting with it, and this was the nation that invented BUNGEE JUMPING!  Seriously, you couldn’t come up with ANY good bungee jumping challenges?  The other big problem, though, is the main twist of the season, which I’ll here reveal is the return of the battle of the sexes.  As I mentioned in my review of “Survivor The Amazon”, when a season is “battle of the sexes”, you have to make the challenges fair for both men and women, which means generally toning down the intensity of the challenges.  This is fine, as long as you make the challenges interesting and clever, as they did in “Survivor The Amazon”.  However, the challenges in Vanuatu are simplistic and held back, which just doesn’t do it for me.  It did give us one staple challenge, which is to line tribe members on a balance beam, and have them navigate around each other, but this was the exent of it.  Again, the challenges aren’t bad, and when they’re good, they’re REALLY good, but for the most part, a weak season challenge-wise.

Score: 5 out of 10.

TWISTS

If people don’t complain about the cast of Vanuatu, the twist is usually their target, and with good reason.  As I mentioned before, the main twist of this season was a redo of “battle of the sexes”, which in and of itself was a good idea.  The problem is that it had been done not even two years ago, so it still seemed fresh in people’s minds, and it seemed like a cheap cop-out on twists.  Now, the show was no stranger to reusing twists (the tribe swap being a prime example), but this was the first time a main twist was completely rehashed, so again, it seemed like a cheap move on the part of CBS.  I would agree that reusing a twist so soon would be a bad idea, except for two reasons.  The first is that it was somewhat forced on the producers, rather than a concious decision to reuse the twist.  The DVD of Vanuatu (which I highly recommend) explains it better, but basically, the season’s opener (one of the best ever, I might add, with the natives attacking the boat, and a very violent welcome ritual) separated the men and the women, as part of the custom of the natives.  The trouble is that when this happens, people talk, and once people talk, you have to put them on the same tribe, to prevent pre-game alliances from forming.  The second reason I don’t mind a redo of the sexes is that the outcome was different.  I don’t mean just the ultimate winner (although that was a change between seasons), but just in how the tribes played things.  For one thing, while tribes did divide along age lines (so there were SOME similarities to the first battle of the sexes), this time the older group came out on top, as opposed to the younger group of “Survivor The Amazon”, which made for some interesting gameplay.  Also, this time, gender loyalties stuck beyond the merge. Bottom line, same twist, different game, makes it ok in my eyes.

Part of the battle of the sexes twist was the opening ritual, in particular one aspect.  The men were offered a chance to climb a tall pole greased with pig fat to retrieve a spiritual stone, rumored to bring good luck.  However, were they to fail, the women would get it.  Lots of superstition sprung up around the stone, so it made for good tv, and I’m glad it was in the game, and the challenge had a lot of potential as well, with lots of men falling flat on their faces in the offing.  The problem is that the man the natives picked to go first was an FBI agent, who scaled the thing on his first try, with almost no effort.  This really depleted the tension and the interest in the twist.

I suppose what could be considered the next “twist” was the “Fat Five” alliance of Chris, Chad, “Bubba”, “Sarge”, and Rory.  Not so much in that the alliance existed, that was old hat, but that it was the first time someone (Chris) failed so miserably in the first immunity challenge, completely costing the men victory, and lived to tell about it.

Our next twist is a first, one not brought on by contestants or by the producers, but by nature itself.  An earthquake shook the island, which was at least interesting to see.  It was followed by natives coming to each camp, asking for a leader.  “Sarge” was chosen for the men, and Scout Cloud Lee for the women.  They were then designated to change up the tribes, with a “One cuts and the other chooses” deal.  This was a fairly unique way to change up the tribes, and one that I rather enjoyed.

Coupled with this twist is another player-supplied one.  Rory, who along with “Bubba” had been exiled to the women’s tribe, at a 5-2 disadvantage, somehow made the merge, “Bubba” having gotten the axe for trying to signal the men’s tribe to throw the challenge.  The thing is, Rory was a throughly disagreeable individual.  Loud, abrasive, and prone to tantrums, virtually everyone wanted Rory off.  Given that he was the man who threatened to invoke the “slash, burn, and salt the earth” policy, this is hardly surprising.  Yet he showed remarkable amounts of cunning and resourcefulness and made it through, much to everyone’s amazement.

One minor twist came a few days after the merge.  At tree mail, rather than a challenge, a pig showed up, leading to hilarity and intrigue.  No one knew what the pig was for, only that he could not be eaten, much to the dismay of “Sarge” and Twila.  It was also funny trying to see Eliza haul in an entire pig by herself.  So, a lot of fun and mystery with this twist.  The one drawback was that it only lasted one episode, and the reveal was simply that it was a gift for a tribe that 4 people would visit for a reward, so a bit lackluster there.

The only other major twist to speak of has already been talked about, namely that Chris managed to survive 6 women who wanted his blood.  This, for me, rocks my socks, and makes up for all the so-so parts of the season.

So looking at the season, one can see why others don’t like it.  They reused a lot of twists, what few there were, and a lot of the twists were lackluster.  While I admit this isn’t the greatest season twist-wise, I think a lot of the twists were underrated, particularly Chris’ feat.  Also, a lot of the twists came from the people, which I liked, so I think this season is respectable on twists.

Score: 8 out of 10.

OVERALL

So I say there’s a lot to like about this season, so why is it so disliked?  A lot of it, I think, has to do with timing.  It came right after a run of really great seasons, not to mention the meta “Survivor All-Stars”, which would be hard to top in epicness without getting returning castaways.  This made an alright season seem less good by comparisson.  Also, the generic location worked against the season, hard though the producers tried to combat it.  This, plus the reused twists, make a lot of people neglect this season.  For my money, though, one thing saves it: the gameplay.  As I said, nearly everyone this season came to play, and it shows with some really great gameplay, not to mention a lot of unpredictability.  Bottom line, that’s enough for me, and I like this season a lot.  It’s not the strongest season ever, but there’s a lot of things to love.

Score: 30 out of 40.

ABSTRACT

Vanuatu is a great season to watch for any fan of good gameplay.  Nerely everyone brings their “A” game, and it shows, making for a delightful, unpredictable season.  While this is not the best season for those who like big characters, or those who love watching challenges, it is still a very good season, and well worth a watch.