Idol Speculation: “Survivor 46” Episode 10: The Birds and The Applebees

I am hardly a defender of “Survivor Island of the Idols”.  When folks call it “The worst season ever”, I tend not to put up much, if any, argument.  Its flaws are many, too many to list here, but I’m sure I’ll enumerate them the next time I update my season rankings.  That being said, it cannot be denied that the presence of Karishma on that season has done one service to the “Survivor” community.  That service being to make Applebees an automatic punchline.  And that, in its own small way, is a positive in my eyes.  

But we’re not here to talk about that season, we’re here to talk about “Survivor 46”!  I barely touched upon it last time, but given that things had to go to a revote, it was pretty clear that there was at least something of an intentional vote split, in case Hunter had an idol.  The only question to me was how many people were IN on it actually being a vote split.  Clearly all the Hunter votes had that intention, but how many of the Q votes thought he was a legitimate target?  An argument could be made for all of them, an argument could be made for none of them.  

The answer, it turns out, is that everyone except Liz was in on it.  Liz is, understandably, a mite peeved at all this.  Everyone tries their best to calm her down, with Venus stating that the plan happened last-minute, and there wasn’t time to let her know.  Plausible enough, though I’d be a bit skeptical given that, if the plan really WAS that last-minute, you’d expect at least one other person besides Liz to be left out.  I suppose it’s possible that she had a late confessional interview, and everyone else didn’t, but unlikely at this point, in my view.  Still, while clearly being pissed, Liz handles the situation relatively well.  More so than for some other situations we’ll get to in a bit.  

To her credit, Venus has a good read on the game, once discussion turns to why Hunter didn’t play his idol.  The prevailing theory amongst the group seems to be that he must not have had one, but Venus (who knows better) correctly surmises that Hunter just felt safe given how fervently Q was targeted.  Therein lies the paradox of Q: His erratic gameplay and general difficulty to live with make him a desirable target, but BECAUSE he’s so desirable, he makes a good smokescreen for whatever plan you have going on.  

Speaking of Q, despite what I said earlier, he does seem to be finally taking a chill pill.  Outside of Liz, who still holds a grudge for him “stealing her move”, most everyone seems kind of indifferent to Q.  He’s being more laid-back, which is probably a good thing.  Let the heat on you cool down a bit.  I might question him separating himself from the tribe THIS much, but given how deep of a hole he dug himself, a bit of separation might help his game more than anything else he could do.  That said, most everyone agrees that they’re in no rush to befriend him again, even if they aren’t as mad as before.  Tiffany says he’s a grown man, and if he wants to come back and make amends, he can.  

Only Maria seems willing to make an effort with him right now, in a scene eerily reminiscent of Terry comforting Abi-Maria on “Survivor Cambodia”.  Q being all about control, I expect him to try and run any plan Maria suggests into the ground, purely because it’s not “Q’s Game”.  In a good showing of growth, however, Q is actually pretty receptive to the whole thing, and polite throughout.  Praise be, the man is LEARNING from his mistakes, and we love to see it!  Q DOES tell us he wants to control his own game, but it’s in the same way Gervase was going to control his own game on “Survivor Borneo”; namely winning challenges.  Not the greatest plan, but again, without more work the guy doesn’t have a lot of options, and he IS one of the bigger challenge threats left, so I can’t fault him much.  

In the morning, we’re back to other strategy talk, as Kenzie reaffirms to Maria and Charlie that she’s still in on the “Vote Tiffany Out” plan.  We also get some reasoning as to WHY Kenzie wants to make this particular move, and to be fairer to her than I was last episode, there is some logic to it.  Kenzie admits that Tiffany is her closest ally, but that this also means their moves have been made in tandem, which could hurt her getting credit at the end if she doesn’t break away at some point.  Further, there’s the threat of the idol messing up a later attempted blindside.  Frankly, particularly in the modern era, these are fairly valid concerns.  My issue is now less with the move itself, and more with Kenzie’s TIMING!  

Yes, Kenzie, you do need to stake your own claim away from Tiffany.  But aside from the fact that voting her out entirely is not a prerequisite of that (merely leaving her out of a vote), you still need SOME people loyal to you.  I get that you’ve been bonding with Ben, and Charlie, and Maria, and all that, but SURELY you have more trust in Tiffany!  That’s a bond that should not be discarded until absolutely necessary.  Look at the case of Maryanne Oketch (“Survivor 42”). She had similar reasons to vote out a close ally, but she WAITED until much closer to the end of the game, when there was much less risk of being branded too untrustworthy and getting taken out herself.  If you want to pull off that sort of move, THAT’S the sort of timing you need.  Granted, the presence of Tiffany’s idol is a bit of a wrench in things that moves up the time frame a bit, but even then, Final 9 still seems a bit early, and you could flush the idol without betraying Tiffany.  The sort of thing you want to happen, but not actually play a part in, is what I’m saying.  

Off to our reward challenge, literally the FIRST since we merged.  Five episodes ago.  Then really, what was the point of merging?  The challenge itself is standard obstacle course fare, mostly involving sandbags.  Nothing much worth noting.  What IS worth noting is APPLEBEES!  The biggest reward of the season!  Probst rhapsodizes about the deliciousness of the food while our starving players salivate.  He notes that “This is what future players dream of.”  Gotta say, speaking as a fan who’s had his fair share of “Survivor” dreams over the years, Applebees never factored in once.  

Liz in particular is overjoyed at this reward, and not just because it’s food she can actually eat.  She notes that she and her daughter have “Survivor Sleepovers”, which involve going to Applebees before watching the show on Wednesdays.  She even has a regular order.  It gets the job done ok, but she’s no Karishma.  But I’m sure this is just product shilling, and will in no way be important later.  

The best thing about this reward?  Probst does not describe it pre-challenge as being at “The Sanctuary, Where Good Things Happen”. May that stupid slogan have gone and died in a fire forever!

With no puzzle at the end to equalize things, Q’s early lead does net him a win, though to be fair, a lot of people get to the final leg as well.  Tossing a sandbag onto a tall pole is no easy feat, so even Q takes a while.  In addition, the music does a good job faking us out that some people may get it in one shot.  Q does win, though, making no one but himself happy.  He is naturally then given the choice of three people, one at a time, to take on the reward with him.  His first choice is Tiffany, which makes sense.  She seemed open to the mending of bridges at the start of this episode, and a full stomach is going to work wonders on that front.  His second choice, Maria, I also can’t fault.  She’s the only one actively talking strategy with Q, so of course she should come along.  Can probably help mediate with Tiffany as well, in case of any lingering resentment.  

Then comes the third choice, and both Liz and the players are pushing hard for Q to take her.  Liz literally begs Q, while Probst reminds him that she’s been unable to eat most everything out here, and they failed at the rice negotiations, meaning she isn’t getting food that way either.  Q hears this, takes it to heart… Then passes over Liz and chooses Kenzie.  

Say what you will about this move, the optics of it are not good.  I get not picking her first or second.  Prioritize your strategic preferences.  Liz, being one of the people most on the anti-Q train, would not be good for him for talking strategy.  But seeing someone that desperate for food, in that difficult of a situation, and not taking them once your strategic priorities are set?  Yeah, it just ain’t a good look especially when Q’s jury equity is already pretty well in the toilet at this point.  

With the obvious out of the way, let’s talk about a few of the other points surrounding Q’s decision here, since while it is a bit of a dick move, I don’t think it’s baseless.  From a purely strategic standpoint, there’s no reason to take Liz.  Indeed, she’s at or near the bottom on that metric.  Q has basically no intention of working with her, and as I said, I don’t think she’d be receptive anyway.  Moreover, it’s not entirely fair to hold Q solely responsible for Liz not getting a reward.  Yes, he made the selections, but people on reward, even those taken, are allowed to give it up!  Tiffany, Maria, or Kenzie could all have said “I give this to Liz”, but none of them did.  Yet we never see anyone mad at them.  Shows how thoroughly Q is in the doghouse socially at this point.  

Even in defeat, however, Liz is not about to get overshadowed by Q again.  She blows up, and I mean BLOWS UP!  Screaming to the heavens, shouting out every grievance she’s had since the merge.  It’s enough that even those sympathetic to her look uncomfortable.  And for the viewer, it does straddle the line between “fascinating” and “uncomfortable”.  Raw emotion works well on screen, but for something like a reward, this seems like an overreaction.  In addition, one could argue that it’s bad for Liz’s game.  While she hasn’t been getting the credit she thinks she deserves, one positive benefit there is that Liz also hasn’t been getting a target on her.  By including “her move being overshadowed” in the outburst, she’s cluing people in that she may be playing harder than first thought, and that may put a target on her back.  

Still, I can’t really fault Liz here.  As she says, she’s in her emotions, and being on the brink of starvation does not help one’s emotional control.  Yes, it’s a bad move, but Liz in this moment is not really thinking strategically.  And to her credit, she does quickly calm down and express her frustration in a calmer manner.  This does not change her situation, however, and everyone heads off in either jubilation or despair.  

The worst part about all this?  Probst brings back the damn Sanctuary Slogan.  Dammit, show, you had one job and you blew it!

We’ve heard from Liz, but what do folks back at camp think?  Ben is not a fan, though it is surprising that he doesn’t say “That did not rock.”  Instead, he talks about how it meant so much to Liz because of the family connection, but here, I have to disagree.  You can think Q pulled a dick move for denying the starving woman (well, more starving than everyone else, at least) food, but you could argue that EVERYONE could have some family connection to that reward.  Maybe people have families who like burgers.  Maybe people have families big into mixed drinks.  Everyone’s got something, however tenuous.  Liz’s thing is special to her, sure, but it’s not unique, and not a good reason to make a bad strategic move.  

But we see that even the people on reward are not thrilled with Q’s decision. Well, at least Kenzie isn’t.  Tiffany and Maria are mostly just happy for the food, but Kenzie admits that she didn’t expect to be taken.  She presumes that Q wanted to mend fences, but she says that won’t work, comparing it to an ex taking you out to a nice dinner to try and get back together.  The gesture is nice, but it doesn’t undo the past.  Fair enough.  

Speaking of the past, Liz is still dwelling on it, and my sympathy is rapidly dwindling.  Yes, Liz has a right to be pissed over the whole situation, but she’s taking quite a while to simmer down.  Again, I don’t want to be TOO harsh, given how rough conditions are for her out there, but it does seem like she’s making this out to be a bigger deal that it ultimately is.  We even lead into a flashback regarding her and her daughter’s “Survivor Sleepovers”, which we do not need.  A description was enough.  

Well, Q has firmly planted his picks in the strategic realm; how’s that working out for him?  Not great!  Despite Maria’s hopes, Kenzie is still firmly on the “Get Q Out” train, presumably not mentioning the Tiffany plan because, well, she’s right there.  Despite how she seemed at the start of the episode, Tiffany says this doesn’t change much, and she’s all for getting out Q.  Maria admits to wanting to use him as a number, but isn’t sure about how it will work right now.  

Things don’t look much better for Q once they get back to camp the next day.  Charlie asks about the reward, which Tiffany in particular goes on and on about, even noting she couldn’t eat the burger (Liz’s stated favorite food there) because there was so much.  Liz tells them to “read the room” in confessional, but again, I’m not going to blame them too much for this one.  It’s not like they came up and started talking about it out of the blue; Charlie asked a legitimate question.    Even then, they didn’t particularly go on about it beyond the usual descriptions you’d expect.  MAYBE you could argue they shouldn’t have mentioned the burger bit, but that’s a stretch in my book.  More out of her emotions now, Liz apologizes to Q, which he seems to accept.  Liz admits, though, that this was a pure lie, and fair enough.  Liz has little reason to work with Q at this point, but no reason to put him on edge.  

For his part, while Q does demonstrate an understanding of why Liz was feeling the way she felt, he tells us in confessional that he has no remorse for his decision.  As he shouldn’t.  If he was looking at it purely from a strategic perspective (as he indicated doing), then his picks were very logical.  His logic didn’t work out, but it at least had a fair to good chance of doing so.  Can’t fault him for that.  I will, however, fault Q for saying he “Doesn’t care what she thinks.”  In your world, Q, Liz will be on the jury, so you’d BETTER care what she thinks!

Anyway, time for our immunity challenge, the “Hold your pre-game weight in a bucket on a string” challenge; the one that tests your grip.  It was first seen on “Survivor Philippines”, and contrary to Probst’s claims, I think that, and not Gabler’s run on “Survivor 43”, was the record.  Pretty sure the Philippines edition went over an hour.  

My being pedantic aside, Probst has more important matters to attend to.  Notably, it seems production has realized “Oh crap, Liz might actually die if we don’t get food in her soon.”  So yep, rice negotiations are back.  Understandably, the price is steeper this time, with four people sitting out.  Same base number as before, but now a greater percentage of those left.  Equally understandably, almost no one takes this offer.  This late in the game, it’s too great a risk, even with Liz’s health to consider.  Presumably freaking out about this, Probst offers those who do sit out their own individual rice supply, which does get Liz, and only Liz, to sit out.  Understandable move, though I’m not sure why it got applause from everyone else.  This wasn’t some brave gesture or grand sacrifice.  

In case it wasn’t clear how much everyone hates Q, Venus and Ben attempt to manifest it from the bench, Ben being out surprisingly early in this challenge.  As he said, his cradle got rocked, which I guess met his catchphrase quota for the episode.  Q lasts a decent while, but is eventually out.  The challenge comes down to Charlie, who’s dropped but had some impressive comebacks, and Tiffany, whom Charlie and Maria have said they still want to target, yet remains perfectly still, not even responding to banter.  The look on her face throughout reads “Don’t talk to me.”  

Despite this impressive performance, Tiffany drops out of nowhere, netting Charlie his second victory.  Back at camp, talk immediately turns to getting rid of Q, with Kenzie now backing down from the Tiffany plan.  She admits to flirting with it, but think now’s not the time.  Really, what tipped you off, genius?

Charlie and Maria, however, still very much want this to happen, and understandably so.  Tiffany may be a good ally for Kenzie, but not so much for those two, and her idol makes her all the more a threat.  Maria talks to Q, who again in a good display of diplomacy, agrees to go along with Maria’s plan, no questions asked.  Not that he has much choice, but still, he’s learning not to insist on his way 100% of the time.  

This, of course, begs the question of where the other votes for Tiffany can come from.  Ben is the natural first choice, and he takes little convincing.  He may not be a fan of Q, but he admits there’s bigger fish to fry, with Tiffany being one of said fish.  Still, that’s only 4 and a tie is not enough.  Kenzie and Tiffany are obviously out.  That leaves Venus, who just seems to generally dislike Q, and Liz, whose dislike of Q as of this episode is extremely personal.  

Naturally, Liz is the obvious choice.  IN OPPOSITE LAND!  Generally, yes, I’d say Liz is the ore persuadable vote than Venus.  But today, of all days?  To her credit, Liz does hear out Maria’s pitch, and it’s a good one.  Maria basically offers Liz that “Big Move” she wants, and the chance to show she’s not ruled by her emotions.  Good way to appeal to Liz.  Maria’s game is really coming into its own this episode.  

The flaw is that this really isn’t a “Move for Liz”.  This is a “Move for Maria” that Liz would facilitate.  I get why Liz would be tempted, but from her perspective, it’s better to stick with voting out Q.  Yes, she may be the swing vote, but it’s usually the person who GETS the vote to swing, not the swing vote themselves, that gets credit.  Look at the flip at the final 7 of “Survivor Vanuatu”.  Eliza was very clearly the swing vote, but no one calls that “Eliza’s Move”.  Liz will fall into the same trap here.  Ironically, despite not orchestrating it, I’d say she’d be more likely to get credit if Q goes home.  She’s been so vocal about it, her getting her way with him gone would seem like more of her move, even though it wouldn’t actually be.  Honestly, the biggest benefit in joining the vote to get rid of Tiffany would be a close tie between the idol going home, and avoiding a possible rock draw in the event of a tie.  The former is definitely a concern, which is why going with Maria’s plan isn’t a horrible move for Liz, but the latter seems easily avoided.  Either convince Ben to vote with his heart, or make the (fairly safe) bet that Mara and Charlie wouldn’t go to rocks for Q.  

While I’m happy to see Q trying to improve his social game, the flaw with this is that Tribal Council is much less exciting.  Everybody playing things too close to the chest for anything interesting to happen.  About the only noteworthy moment is Tiffany’s smile dropping when she realizes she’s getting more votes than just Q’s, which is a priceless expression.  

Yes, Tiffany goes home, and I am disappointed.  Granted, I’d have been disappointed had Q gone home as well, but I could at least see some upside to it, since it’s getting old to have him be targeted every single episode.  Tiffany was dynamic, and had the potential to shake up the strategy more so than Q at this point, so her going is definitely a loss.  To her credit, though, she goes out with an enormous amount of class, her final words mostly noting (accurately) where she went wrong, and how she should have played her idol.  Tiffany, you may be gone, but we salute you nonetheless!

Honestly, great episode!  Not perfect, but the emotions were raw and high, the misdirection was excellent, and it’s nice to see the season remaining on the crazy train.  The slow start is an issue, but if it keeps up this momentum to the end, it will all be worth it!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.  

Idol Speculation: “Survivor 43” Finale: Tubthumping

Yeah, yeah, I know.  Two music references for a title in a row.  But so help me, it was too tempting to resist!  Owen all but directly says “I get knocked down, but I get up again.  You’re never gonna keep me down.” this episode.  Plus, I could point out that pop and show tunes are completely different genres, but that’s just splitting hairs, and not entirely accurate anyway.  Though I’ll agree it IS a little weird that Owen has twice in a row inspired music-based titles.  Wonder what his stance on show tunes is?

Starting off our episode proper, we dive almost immediately to a flashback from the last episode.  Normally I’d begrudge these, but this one I’ll let pass.  Partly because it’s letting us relive an abridged version of Jesse’s move to get out Cody, which is always fun, and partly because it at least ATTEMPTS to give us some context as to how Jesse got Cody to give him the idol back.  Granted, by the show’s logic, it comes down to “I was close with Cody” from Jesse’s point, but it’s something.  Yes, I’m aware that exit interviews make it clear that Jesse concocted a rumor of a third “Knowledge is Power”, which makes a lot more sense.  As I have said before, and will say again, though, I should not have to consult supplemental materials to understand what his happening on the show.  

Remember back in the old days?  When Probst would have to justify at the top of the episode why anyone left could win?  And how cringe that was for the people without an obvious narrative?  Yeah, they kind of bring that back here, and it REALLY doesn’t work.  Granted, it works better than the other times, since this is the PLAYERS making their case, and thus they come across more genuine.  But still, we know some of these people have realistically no chance.  I get that it’s the editor’s job to try and hide it, but sometimes there’s just nothing you can do.  

Still, at least most players have a realistic view of where they are.  Owen admits he’s an underdog.  Gabler talks about laying low until the time is right.  Jesse comments on his big move making his game a visible, winning one, but also making him a threat.  Karla comments on how she’s in trouble and a threat, but acknowledges her determination.  Cassidy talks about always being the alternate, yet usually turning the target around to get votes on her side.  If I were to nitpick, the only real flub is Cassidy saying she has a perfect voting record, when she voted for Ryan at the Jeanine boot, but even that’s splitting hairs.  With the number of split votes these days, I don’t think a “perfect voting record” matters quite as much as the fanbase seems to think it does.  

You may recall that, like with the past two seasons, our final five have to go to a new campsite.  This honestly brings nothing new to the table, and needs to just be dropped, but Gabler will be damned if he doesn’t shill for it.  He goes on at length about how tough it is, and how he needs to find gas in the tank to go forward.  Again, he’s doing his job, but just not buying it.  The only thing of value this new camp brought is a cool-looking Tree Mail.  

Said Tree Mail brings news of, you guessed it, a word scramble to find a clue to the location of an advantage.  Because it’s not like we’ve seen THAT before in the past two seasons.  Everyone wants to make sure Karla doesn’t get it, so naturally, Karla is the first to finish her word scramble.  Her ankle hobbles her, though, and Owen is right on her tail.  this honestly may be the most pathetic performance we’ve seen out of this challenge yet, as these are the only two to finish the word scramble.  That said, Owen misses the “knot” part of the clue indicating a dead tree, though even then, it’s a close race.  Both get to the tree at roughly the same time, Owen maybe even slightly ahead, but Karla searches the correct part of the tree first, finding that she has an advantage at the next challenge.  

Owen takes this well.  And by that I mean he shows that he might benefit from some anger management classes.  Ok, ok, I exaggerate.  He takes it fine, but his anger is still clearly visible.  He chops at a coconut like he’s Rupert on “Survivor Pearl Islands”, and the coconut is Jonny Fairplay’s head.  

Our challenge itself is your standard “Obstacle Course Leading to Word Puzzle”, literally nothing worth writing about more than this sentence.  Karla’s advantage is that she gets to skip carrying some of her puzzle pieces over a balance beam, one of the legs of the challenge.  A pretty decent advantage, were the puzzle easier.  As it stands, it mostly just gives Karla some wiggle room, given that this is a very physical challenge, and as she notes, she’s a bit beaten up by this game.  That said, Probst tells her it’s in “How she uses it.”  Um, Probst?  It’s not like Karla has any choice or agency in this advantage.  She gets an edge, but the challenge still comes down to skill.  She doesn’t have a way TO use the advantage, other than the one you provide.  

Still, despite these injuries, Karla performs admirably, advantage or not.  Yes, everyone makes it to the puzzle, but she’s right there with Owen, the most physically fit player left, the entire time, and the challenge is presented as another word battle between the pair of them.  Fittingly, given his earlier frustration, Owen manages to eke out a victory this time.  He also gets a trip to have some good food, choosing to take Cassidy along with him.  Not a bad choice if you want to strategize, though given that you can bet Karla and Cassidy would not talk strategy if left alone together, I would say Gabler might have been a slightly wiser choice.  

It seems Owen wanted to talk strategy with Cassidy in particular, and they engage in the great Jesse vs. Karla debate.  As Jesse noted earlier, the one downside to his Cody blindside last episode is that it made him a visible threat.  Something he needs to be able to argue for a win in the end, but also something that makes people not want to take him to the end.  Karla may be the more long-term threat in terms of her game having been recognized, but Jesse is the rising star, and Owen wants him gone.  Cassidy still has a chip on her shoulder with Karla, though her main argument for why is that with Karla gone, she, Cassidy, retroactively gets credit for moves the pair of them made earlier.  Why this argument is persuasive to Owen, I can’t say, but Owen also has reason to be afraid of Karla, and so they agree to leave Jesse for the next vote.  

That said, part of their justification is that Jesse is easier to beat in challenges than Karla, and the numbers do bear that out.  I just find it hilarious that Jesse’s challenge performance is so pathetic that the woman with MULTIPLE INJURIES is considered more threatening in physical competition than he is.  

Back at camp, our remaining three are also discussing their possibilities.  Karla is pitching hard for a Cassidy boot because, really, what else can she do at this point?  Owen’s immune, and it’s not like going for Jesse or Gabler will be easy with one of them always around.  Jesse at least entertains the idea, since it might help keep the target off his back for another round.  Plus, if Karla is a challenge threat, then the healthier Cassidy is as well.  Gabler is less convinced, wanting to take out a big threat.  

Gabler may have his chance, though, as Karla is really doing this to get out Jesse.  Sort of the same play Cody tried on her as well.  Once everyone else is back, Karla pitches this plan, which Gabler is somewhat more on board with than a Cassidy boot.  Really, Karla does an overall good job here.  She makes a logical argument, hypes up Jesse’s threat level to be above her own.  For all her bad acting, she has a really good pitch.  Owen and Gabler seem to at least be considering it.  Only Cassidy is not swayed, mostly due to the beef the two have had over the past couple episodes, but even then, I think she goes a bit far in saying Karla handled things poorly.  Yeah, Karla kind of threw everything at the wall when talking to Cassidy, hoping for something to stick.  Cassidy says as much herself.  But when you’re target number one, hey, what have you got to lose?  It may seem like I’m damning Karla with faint praise, but even if it was 11 years ago, I still remember “Survivor Redemption Island”, and the frustration of people sitting around, not calling out the obvious.  I will take blunt yet sensible play any day.  

The editors are doing their best to misdirect us, but the overall point is moot.  We, the audience, know Jesse has Jeanine’s idol, and so there’s no way he goes.  Really, Jesse has the power tonight, so the best we can hope for is that he considers voting out Cassidy.  That he does, but it still doesn’t come across as plausible.  Kudos to the editors for trying their best.  I’d say they made this vote about as tense as it could possibly be.  Sometimes, though, there’s just nothing you can do.  

A Live Tribal is a good attempt, though.  After Karla does the sensible thing and hype up Jesse’s threat level some more, Jesse decides to put any doubt about his safety to rest.  He had talked earlier about wanting to use the idol to put him in the best possible position, and that he does by pulling it early to create chaos.  This, naturally, gets a huge reaction from the jury, with Jeanine in particular giving a “shocked” face to rival that of Eliza Orlins (“Survivor Vanuatu”).  But, with a possible big target gone, everyone starts getting up in twos and threes to talk about new targets.  Jesse is willing to go Cassidy, but will need Gabler on board.  We don’t here his reaction, and we go to vote.  

Jesse sensibly plays his idol on himself, leading to an anticlimactic 4-1 boot for Karla.  Yeah, like I said, I can’t blame the editors too much on this one.  They worked with what they had, but it was painfully obvious Karla was going.  Sad, too.  In case it wasn’t obvious from this blog as a whole doing little else but praising Karla this season, you can tell this was going to be a sad one.  Messy, if understandable, plays in the last few episodes definitely make this vote-out EARNED, but I loved her spunk and determination.  She was the type of person you don’t see as often on the show, and it was great to have her.  Karla for Second Chances, y’all!

With no drama from the vote, we cut straight to Final Immunity.  This is the “Maneuver Pots through a Wire Frame, Then Stack Them” challenge first seen on “Survivor One World”, with this iteration less a time trial, and more a “First to 15 Pots Wins”.  Not a bad challenge, and at least one we haven’t seen in a while.  Still, I’m a traditionalist.  Give me pure endurance any day.  

High winds are a major factor here, making stability in your pot tower paramount.  Jesse is naturally out of the running, because this is, well, a challenge, but the other three are all pretty even.  Gabler is actually ahead for a good chunk, but lacks a solid foundation.  In the end, Owen loses his stack, and Cassidy wins, only to have her stack fall seconds after the challenge was called.  Good for her.  

With his threat level so high, it’s public knowledge that Jesse will be going to fire making.  The show TRIES to fake us out by having Jesse play to Cassidy, saying she needs to beat him in fire to have a shot, when really he just wants to go up against the worst fire-maker out there.  So transparent is this play that Cassidy doesn’t even pretend to buy it.  

So open is the knowledge that Jesse will go that both Owen and Gabler advocate for the opportunity to best Jesse, each believing that they are the superior fire-maker, and each wanting to bolster their resume as having “Taken Out” the biggest threat of the season.  Here is an ACTUAL debate for Cassidy, but on the whole, I would say sending Gabler is the better move.  Yeah, yeah, I know what we’re going to see soon, but these were my thoughts at the time.  Gabler’s game resume might be stronger, and thus gaining more clout from besting Jesse more of a threat, but there’s no indication the jury gives Gabler any credit for his moves.  His most visible moves are messy ones, and the jury also clearly likes Owen.  They were certainly happy he, of all people, won the immunity before this.  Thus, Gabler seems to have the weakest case in the eyes of the jury, and thus better to send him.  

After another nothingburger of a Tribal Council, Cassidy does the smart thing, and sends Gabler to fire against Jesse.  We have a really intense competition.  Becky vs. Sundra on “Survivor Cook Islands” this is not.  Both start fire quickly, but Gabler has clearly had more overall practice than Jesse.  Thus, Gabler beats the previous record for winning the challenge (previously held by Chris Underwood on “Survivor Edge of Extinction”) by about a minute.  Impressive.  

Yes, Jesse.  The seeming frontrunner of the season.  Out against people who were at best under edited, and at worst made to look foolish at every opportunity.  And people say the ending of this season is unsatisfying why?

In case it wasn’t clear, I am VERY sorry to see Jesse go, and schmaltzy as it may be, I would say it’s deserved.  Do we need to KEEP hearing about Jesse’s backstory?  Probably not.  Doesn’t change how much the dude has overcome, both in life and the game, and the crazy moves he made, particularly towards the end of the game.  Yes, a Jesse win would have been predictable, but it would have felt earned, which would be a big plus.  Like Karla, I look forward to seeing Jesse on another Second Chance season.  

Our final day breakfast is thankfully overlayed by one thing I’m very happy returned from last season: The Jury Speaks.  Yes, rather than just hear the finalists talk about what they plan to do (which is basically all of them reiterating their talking points from the top of the episode, though again they show good self-knowledge here), we hear from the jury what THEY want to hear from each player.  It’s pretty much what you’d expect.  Owen needs to articulate how he survived despite being the underdog, Gabler needs to own his age and his “playing the middle game”, and Cassidy needs to articulate specifically how she got the target off her in several instances.  

Predictably, we still have the new jury format first introduced on “Survivor Game Changers”.  Equally predictably, I still hate it.  Probst is less insistent on the “game categories” thing, merely mentioning them rather than directing the conversation about what they should be considering, but it’s still too much production interference at the end, and the lack of individual moments make everything less memorable.  

One’s Final Tribal performance may not be enough to sway votes your way, but can certainly lose them.  Such is the case for Owen, who going in seemed to have at least Noelle on his side.  However, he spends most of his time emphasizing how he was on the back foot, and never really had any agency in his game.  Granted, he shouldn’t IGNORE this, lest the jury believe he has no self-awareness, but no need to overemphasize it.  Plus, Owen needed to talk about what he did to SAVE himself as the underdog, not just talk about his general underdog-ness.  

More even are the performances of Cassidy and Gabler.  Gabler is the more engaging of the two, making the jokes and getting the jury to laugh.  He even breaks out the “Alli-Gabler” line once again.  But Cassidy, I feel, articulates her game better.  Gabler does ok, acknowledging that he played the middle, but badly flubs a question about who his tight alliance was with.  Rather than admit he played the middle, or say Owen or someone, Gabler says he was tight with people on the jury, a blatant lie evidence by the fact that Gabler helped put those people on the jury.  Cassidy has her own gaffe, since the jury doesn’t feel she deserves credit for eliminating Ryan, which she feels she does.  Plus, Cassidy managed to point out that she was the last woman standing on a season that favored voting out women early, without sounding too judgmental, which is a tricky task.  She does it well, though.  

Sure enough, we see no Owen votes, meaning he gets shut out.  And given those Final Tribal Council performances, the votes is 8-1… For Gabler…

Ok, we need to talk about this ending, because this is a problem.  First off, kudos to Gabler, though.  He is, as he notes, the second-oldest winner ever, which is no small feat, and should be celebrated.  And as I mentioned last blog, it’s not like Gabler has NO resume to stand on.  That said, the problem is that what was emphasized on his end was messy gameplay, particularly at the first Tribal Council and the merge vote.  His gameplay, while not spectacular or flashy from then on, was solid.  But, in the eyes of the audience, Gabler is kind of a joke  A wild and crazy player.  Someone who is fun to watch, but not to be taken seriously.  As a consequence, it’s hard to take a win from him seriously, especially when the likes of Karla and Jesse are still around in the last episode.  Even Cassidy, under edited as she was, seemed to have more game sense, and therefore make more sense as a winner.  

Now, to be fair to the editors, there’s little they could do about this.  Those gaffes, while making Gabler look bad, are plot-crucial to their episodes, with no easy way to edit them out.  Fair enough.  But then you need to compensate for that.  When asked, the jury said Gabler was charming and articulate, which led to most of them voting for him.  And if so, great!  Makes perfect sense!  But we didn’t SEE that Gabler!  We saw the wild and crazy Gabler, with the only hints to anything more being his vague talk about “Hiding in Plain Sight”.  Again, nice editing trick, but only hints that Gabler WILL win, not WHY.  

I will not deny that this definitely drags the season down, but I wouldn’t quite call it a season-ruiner.  Gabler was at least likable (political views outside the game aside), and this season was not spectacular to begin with.  While confusing, there’s nothing here that’s PAINFUL to watch, so that keeps it out of the very bottom for me.  Still, a lack of big, memorable characters and moments overall (the Cody blindside notwithstanding) mean this season won’t stand out, and a seemingly random winner does it few favors.  It’s a problem of modern “Survivor”… But I’ll talk about that more in an upcoming off-season blog.  

Speaking of blandness, the “reunion”.  Look, I enjoy the show being a bit positive.  I don’t need drama every minute, or over-the-top villains.  But when the ENTIRE reunion show is just about empowerment, it gets old.  Yeah, ok, Gabler giving the money to a charity for veterans is nice.  But did we need Jesse’s backstory again?  Talking about how Noelle and Karla overcame their injuries to compete well?  It’s just too much, and makes me miss the old reunions, awkward audience interviews and all.  

Speaking of which, let’s briefly touch on the preview for next season.  Sort of a hybrid of the preview for this season and older ones.  We once again mostly focus on the new players talking, getting something of a feel for the cast, but in a REALLY old throwback, Probst talks about the harshness of the elements once again.  We see why momentarily, as we get Probst calling in medical at a challenge, implying an early medevac.  Kind of similar to the preview of “Survivor Kaoh Rong”, which on the one hand was not a good preview.  On the other hand, “Survivor Kaoh Rong” turned out pretty good in the end, so I’ll hold out hope that “Survivor 44” can be good too.  It’s certainly got a low bar to clear from its immediate predecessor.  

One thing I will say I am loving about “Survivor 44” already is the aesthetic.  They’re going medieval on our ass, which, admittedly, makes almost no sense for a show set in Fiji.  Then again, after three seasons in a row that aesthetically blend together, I will take something that is distinctive if out of place.  I think my two favorites are the dragon snuffer (badass), and the giant spike ball crashing through the logo, which is just my type of over-the-top.  

Now, on to the Idol Speculation tradition of looking back on my cast assessment for this season, and seeing how wrong I was!

Nneka: Overall wrong, though that’ll happen with a LOT of Vesi.  I was really too high on their challenge performance.  I DID say she’d be in trouble if she cost them a challenge, so I had SOMETHING of a decent read on Nneka, but at the end of the day, still overall wrong.  

Noelle: Actually right.  Unremarkable yet threatening player taken out in the mid-merge area.  I’ll take that victory.  

Owen: Wrong.  Had less agency than I thought, but also lasted longer as well.  

Justine: Wrong, though again, that was mostly predicated on the assumption that Vesi would be the dominant tribe of the season.  

Cody: Wrong.  Smarter than I gave him credit for, as well as more entertaining.  Consequently, he lasted longer than I predicted.  

Morriah: She wasn’t my first boot pick, but I did have her pegged as a pre-merger.  I’ll give myself at least partial credit here.  

Sami: Wrong.  Much better at the game than anticipated, and lasted slightly longer than I predicted.  

Karla: Pretty much right, since her tribe didn’t lose as much as I thought they might.  

Ryan: Out earlier than I expected, though I nailed his personality.  

Lindsay: I’ll give myself this one, even if she wasn’t the first boot of the season.  She still went at the first available opportunity, so even if I didn’t read her tribe correctly, I did read her correctly.  

Jeanine: Wrong.  Better (slightly) at the game than I anticipated, and lasted slightly longer too.  

Jesse: So close to being right!  Dude just made himself too big of a threat to give me three correct winner picks in a row.  

Cassidy: Wrong.  By no means annoying, and had a lot more game than I anticipated.  

James: Another one where there’s not much to say, since I just about nailed him.  

Geo: Wrong.  Too much of a challenge sink to make the merge like I thought he would.

Elie: Again I lament: Why must psychologists on this show not named Denise Stapely suck at the game?  Another one I was wrong on.  

Dwight: Wrong.  Worse at the game than I thought, and consequently did not make it deep.  

Mike: Wrong.  No way would I have called this dude winning that early.  

And there you have it.  Weird as this season may be, I hope you have enjoyed my recaps.  Be on the lookout for the rare short off-season content before we discuss the cast of “Survivor 44”.  I’ve got some ideas cooking I think you’ll all enjoy reading/debating.  

As a final note before we go, you may have noticed the liberal sprinkling of “Ancient Voices”, the old theme song for the show, throughout the season.  This finale in particular made liberal use of them.  As an avowed fan of the theme, you may think this makes me happy.  It does not.  Don’t just tease us.  Bring back the full theme, you CBS cowards!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.  

“Survivor” Top 10’s: Sit-Outs

Well, this blog was a long time coming.  We’re after episode 6 of “Survivor 43” at the time of this writing, and I hinted at this topic backing episode 2 of the same season!  Thankfully, Noelle also sat out the “Earn the Merge” challenge of episode 6, making this topical once again!

Yes, my beloved readers, it is time once again for another editor of “Top 5 and Bottom 5”, or more appropriately, “Top 10”!  As sometimes happens, we are covering a topic today that doesn’t lend itself well to a “Bottom 5”, so we’re just going to do a straight “Top 10” list instead.  That topic, as the title hopefully indicated, is sit-outs.  People not participating in the challenge at a certain point in time, and commenting on the action, or at a minimum reacting to it.  Whose reactions were the best?  The ones you can’t forget?  The images that get stuck in your mind.  

There’s actually very little business to get through in terms of who qualifies.  Anyone who didn’t play in an entire challenge, for whatever reason, qualifies for this list.  If you were sat out, if you were eliminated, if you dropped out, if you chose to eat food rather than compete, or if a challenge is going in rounds which you may not be a part of, you qualify.  The only true caveat here is that, given my limited experience with non-US versions of “Survivor”, I’m only counting people from that version of the show.  Nothing against the other versions, but I don’t have the time to watch them right now, and thus don’t know them at all well enough to put them on the list.  Other than that, the only thing to bear in mind is that, in the event that someone has played on multiple seasons, I’ll be listing their season as the one that had the sit-out moment (or moments) that made them memorable, not their original season.  All that out of the way, let’s dive right in, starting at the bottom and heading up.  

10. Dan Lembo (“Survivor Nicaragua”): Sometimes, all it takes is an image.  One singular shot, and someone gets catapulted into stardom.  Let’s face it, as soon as you saw Dan’s name, you knew what I was referring to.  Hell, you may have even expected this from the outset of the very list, before anyone was even named.  I am, of course, referring to the post-merge reward challenge for a screening of “Gulliver’s Travels”.  You know, the challenge where Na’Onka and Purple Kelly quit?  Arguably the thing that ruined the entire season?  Yes, that challenge.  Out of all that, one bright spot.  With an odd number of players at a team post-merge reward challenge, one person had to sit out, that ending up being Dan.  Nothing special about that, you might think.  Many team challenges post-merge do so.  Ah, but they decided to THEME this sit-out!  You see, rather than just having him sit on the Sandra Diaz-Twine sit-out bench, Dan got to sit on a chair.  A chair blown up to massive size, a la Brobdignag from the titular novel.  This would have made ANYONE look comedically small, but given that Dan was on the shorter end of things to begin with, the effect was only magnified, and therefore hilarious.  This is also arguably the sit-out moment most famous within the “Survivor” fan community, being something of a meme/running gag.  More notoriety than most on this list.  Why, then, do I leave it at number 10?  Well, for all that an image alone can work wonders, it IS just an image, and most of the ones above this will have something more.  Plus, while funny, this was a sit-out moment manufactured by the producers, rather than by the player himself, which lowers it a great deal in my eyes.  Still a funny image, though.  

9. Shane Powers (“Survivor Exile Island”): Like with Dan, as soon as I say the name, you all know what’s coming.  At the Final 8 of the titular season, we had ourselves an “Eat or Compete” twist.  Shane, like most of Casaya, decided to sit out and feast on burgers instead.  This, by and large, was fairly uneventful, and would probably have remained so were it not for one particular rule.  Eating could only occur while the challenge was in progress, and as soon as a winner was declared, it had to stop.  The exception was that you could finish anything in your mouth.  Shane abused this to no end, and thus, when the challenge was over, we see him with about half a burger hanging out of his mouth.  Again, an image so iconic, it’s something of a meme/running gag in the “Survivor” community.  Most of what I said about Dan’s moment applies to Shane as well, but I give Shane the edge in the ranking because apart from supplying the food, production had nothing to do with this moment.  This was uniquely Shane, and that gives it a leg up in the list.  

8. Eliza Orlins (“Survivor Vanuatu”): This moment probably requires some explanation, as it’s not as instantly memorable as our first two mentions on the list.  Our Final 9 reward challenge, the first one post-merge, was an elimination-style trivia contest.  Naturally our men, Chris, Sarge, and Chad, were the first ones out, being in the minority.  The beauty of said types of challenges, of course, is that it reveals the pecking order.  Thus, when the women had to turn on each other, Eliza was the first casualty.  In doing so, she makes a little comment along the lines “How about I come sit with you boys?” to those on the sit-out bench.  Eliza is, of course, known for her snark, and this is a great example of it.  Said in a kind of sing-song way, but with enough bitterness underneath to give it her needed edge.  Not as memorable as those that came before, but like I said, I tend to value the words of sit-outs rather than the images associated with them.  Plus, unlike the other two, this one serves a strategic purpose in its foreshadowing.  Down the line, of course, Eliza will “sit with the guys”, or at least Chris, and change the course of the game.  Man, I love these fun little moments.  

7. Coby Archa (“Survivor Palau): Speaking of little moments, sometimes all it takes is one word.  To say that Coby played messily once Ulong was dissolved and absorbed into Koror would be an understatement.  But it would also be unfair to say Coby didn’t have fun with every minute he had left.  When he dropped out of the first full-on individual immunity challenge of the season, he had some choice words for his old tribe, mocking their “unity”.  Yet, the one thing he says that is most memorable is just a single word: Koror, the tribe name, in a mocking tone.  Coby is, in my view, underrated for his snark, and while he has some more long-winded witticisms, his swan song is nice and brief, encapsulating how he feels in just one word.  That, to me, is very impressive, and worthy of a spot on the list.  

6. Cirie Fields (“Survivor Game Changers”): We move on from the unofficial section of words alone to the unofficial section of body language alone.  At our second immunity challenge, in the second half of the first episode of the season, Cirie was the sit-out.  Fairly hair-raising for her, since she wasn’t really connecting with her tribe, and was the likely boot in the event that they lost.  Then the race in the challenge tightened up, and you could just see Cirie realizing how deep she was in it.  This was pretty much her fate in the game hinging on something she had absolutely zero control over.  The sheer terror remains etched in my mind to this day.  It’s not as visible or over-the-top as other entries on this list, hence why I don’t rank it higher, but such a visceral reaction, one where you can practically read her thoughts, is definitely a stand-out one, worthy of a spot on the list overall.  

5. Noelle Lambert (“Survivor 43”): Of course the person who inspired the list was going to be getting a spot on it!  While many could argue that Noelle doesn’t have a singular “moment” as a sit-out like the others do, I think her track record overall is worthy.  Noelle is someone who wears her heart on her sleeve.  If her team is doing well, you see it in her emphatic cheerleading.  If they’re doing poorly, you see it in her frustration.  There’s a reason we cut to her reaction shots, sometimes even instead of more Probst narration.  While she may not have a singular moment, her reactions as a whole enhance the challenge experience, and is the mark of a great sit-out.  

4. Michaela Bradshaw (“Survivor Game Changers”): Michaela, being good at challenges, generally did not sit them out.  But hoo boy, you knew if she did!  I’m sure many of you, like me, are recalling a particular reward challenge from her return appearance, where, in her words, “They messed up” by not picking her.  Like Noelle, Michaela is another who wears her heart on her sleeve.  Unlike Noelle, in this case her heart had only one thing to say: That it was PISSED OFF!  Crossed arms, terse responses, not even hinting at being happy for the people playing.  That sort of honesty is why we love Michaela!  Why, she was so mad she didn’t even think to check under the bench she was sitting on for advantages!  And that, friends, is why she doesn’t end up higher on the list.  While her reaction was memorable, in the show’s narrative, it was overshadowed by her failing to look for this advantage, and Sarah subsequently getting it.  A poor choice on the show’s part, but one that diminishes the moment, however slightly.  That said, I can still clearly picture her reaction, and that gets a lot of mileage from me.  

3. Tony Vlachos (“Survivor Winners at War”): Say it with me now: “Yah, Fall!  Fall, Yah!”.  Like many others on this list, Tony is not subtle in anything he does, even if that’s just cheering from the sidelines.  In this case, he decided to blend it with his sometimes insane-sounding statements (talking llama, anyone?), and it makes for probably the singular most memorable sit-out moment of the past 20 seasons or so.  What can I say?  Love him or hate him, the man’s legendary in everything he does.  

2. Randy Bailey (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”): Randy’s time on his return season may have been short, but he certainly did his best to earn his Villain credentials in that time.  You’ve probably already said it a bunch of times purely in the time you’ve taken reading these two sentences, but allow me to reiterate the line that catapulted Randy this high on the list:  “Roll it over Rupert’s toe!”  In case you’ve forgotten (though how you could forget this season’s pre-merge is beyond me), this was the rare challenge were both tribes got to sit people out.  Rupert, having broken his toe at an earlier challenge, was rightly sat out by the Heroes.  However, when crates were rolled a bit too close to the sit-out benches, Randy couldn’t help but heckle a little bit.  In character and memorable, but barely loses out on the top spot for how mean-spirited it is.  Granted, this is Randy we’re talking about, but I find Randy is at his best when he’s just hating on humanity in general, rather than a specific individual.  There’s a fine difference between “All people suck” and “This particular person sucks”, and I prefer the former to the latter.  Can’t deny it’s worthy of a spot on this list, though.  

1. Sean Rector (“Survivor Marquesas”): Sean is a quote machine, and it is a crime that he has not yet returned to our television screens.  And this, my friends, is one of his greatest moments of snark.  Once again, like with the Eliza moment beforehand, we have an elimination challenge at the final 9 revealing the pecking order.  As Sean and Vecepia were the original two Maraamu left, they were naturally picks one and two to be eliminated.  Sean, however, noted that they were also the two black contestants on the season, and were eliminated first.  Thus, when Sean dropped, he threatened to call Johnny Cochran, and when Vecepia was eliminated, insisted on it.  Hilarious, but not mean-spirited, since it’s just pointing out a truth in a humorous way.  It’s also probably the most impactful sit-out moment, since this episode also saw the first totem-pole swing, when Neleh and Paschal realized they didn’t like being on the bottom of the “Rotu 4”.  While there were other factors involved, Sean’s comments highlighting this revealing of the pecking order were definitely a factor.  Humorous.  Impactful.  What more could you ask for from someone not even playing in most of the challenge?

Honorable Mention: Abi-Maria Gomes (“Survivor Philippines”): A list of top challenge Sit-Outs would not be complete without talking about someone memorable just for sitting out a lot period.  It was a tough debate for me between giving this spot to Abi-Maria or Sandra Diaz-Twine (“Survivor Pearl Islands”).  Sandra is the Queen, after all, and the sit-out bench is even named after her.  In the end, though, I give the edge to Abi-Maria for being the one with more commentary as to the fact that they were sitting out.  Sandra just had it happen a lot, but Probst himself brought up Abi-Maria’s general lack of challenge participation.  This gives her an edge, and definitely makers her a notable sit-out.  However, despite her overall snark, Abi-Maria… Doesn’t actually do anything unusual on the sit-out bench.  Were it not for just how often it happened, it wouldn’t even be worth bringing up.  In the end, it can still only muster an honorable mention, but definitely a deserved one.  

Hope you’ve enjoyed the little extra blog for the week, and see you at the next episode recap!

-Matt

“Survivor” Top 5 and Bottom 5: Occupations

Well, I promised y’all some more pre-season content, and I’m swiftly running out of time to do so!  The writing bug has bit, so let’s scratch the itch, and keep up my self-imposed obligations at the same time.  This of you who are long-time readers can probably guess what’s coming, but for those who only hopped on as of the last couple seasons, allow me to explain:

Back when I started the blog, sometimes recapping the episode just wasn’t enough.  I had more that I wanted to talk about, hence the creation of this feature: TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5!  Yes, the all-caps are mandatory when it’s not in the title.  Basically, at the end of a given blog, I would take some topic relevant to the episode, and list off my personal Top 5 and Bottom 5 things in that category.  Usually something relevant to the episode, or to the discussion currently going on in the “Survivor” community at the time.  There wasn’t a set schedule for this, as I personally couldn’t predict when something I felt like talking about would come up, but I tried to do it at least once a season.  If you’re wondering why you don’t remember the one for “Survivor 41”… Well, that’s because I didn’t do one.  

Top 5 and Bottom 5 had become less and less frequent as the seasons progressed, for a variety of reasons.  Partly this was just due to running low on topics I hadn’t yet covered (and after doing this blog for 10 years now, I think I’m entitled to that issue), but that was not the only factor.  The fact was that the more I blogged, the more tiring it became to write such long posts immediately after an episode, and adding in such a list added a good 1/2 hour onto the time.  Time when I could be sleeping.  Add onto that my often feeling like I rushed to get the list together to get to sleep sooner, and thereby not doing a job I was satisfied with, and you see that this particular feature was giving me issues.  Thus, I quietly seemed to shelve the idea, but I felt bad about it  It’s as much a staple of the blog as some random contestant bursting into my house to correct me on something, and thus I was loathe to give it up entirely.  As such, I sat around waiting for inspiration.  

And inspiration came, both in the form of a new topic I wanted to cover, and a new idea for how to do it.  After all, there’s no rule saying I can ONLY do blogs after episodes during the on-season.  And if what I need is time, why not give it to myself?  

So, we arrive at the solution, which you see here.  TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5 will both continue to be a part of this blog, and no longer be a regular blog.  I’ll still do them when inspiration strikes, but rather than tack them onto the end of an already overly-long blog, I’ll do them as stand-alone features between episodes.  That way, I can take my time, and not feel like I’m missing out on sleep!  Everyone wins!

Now, since I’m sure some of you are not familiar with the format I use, let me briefly explained: I will list, in ascending order my favorite and least favorite for a given topic.  In this case, we’re talking about the various occupations “Survivor” contestants have had.  For reference, I’m talking exclusively about US “Survivor”, not because international seasons are bad, but just because I haven’t watched them, and so can’t really comment on the occupations listed in the chyrons there.  I’ll also include one “Honorable Mention” for each category, for something that I don’t think fits on the list proper, but I still want to talk about.  

Well, this introduction has gone on for a page.  Let us waste no more time, and get to the listing!

TOP 5

5. Former Federal Agent?: Right off the bat, we see that distinctiveness alone can earn an occupation a spot on this list.  Generally, the more specific, the better.  Here, the specificity of the former, coupled with the simultaneously specific and generic title of “Federal Agent” certainly make the occupation stick in the mind.  And, if that didn’t work, Phillip Sheppard would bring it up in every confessional that wasn’t about Great-Grandpa Jessum.  So, it sticks out for sure, but what makes it fun?  Well, friends, the answer is in the editing.  If you are blessedly free of the experience of watching “Survivor Redemption Island”, then the thing to know here is that the titular Phillip was portrayed as, well, not all there.  Talking about his tattoos giving him power, communing with the aforementioned Great-Grandpa Jessum, and flaunting his hot pink undies at multiple opportunities, Phillip was, fairly or unfairly, not portrayed in the best light.  This, in turn, made us question everything about the man, including what could be considered a relatively above-board occupation.  The editors, playing off this speculation, decided to have some fun, and added a question mark to the occupation, the first time they had fun with the chyrons (though by no means the last).  That is the legendary part that lands this occupation on the “Top 5” list, though I’ll admit it is barred from being higher due to it being a joke put in by the editing team, rather than just the occupation itself.  

4. Exotic Animal Veterinarian: Once again, specificity matters.  “Veterinarian” is a fairly generic, if harmless, job.  “Exotic Animal Veterinarian” is much more evocative in the mind, especially since your average “Survivor” local is crawling with said “Exotic Animals”.  Yes, Omar’s occupation from the upcoming “Survivor 42” inspired this list, and I’m happy to have him on here.  That said, I do have to gripe that most of the official sources just list his occupation as “Veterinarian”, which, as I said, much less interesting.  I have heard him called “Exotic Animal Veterinarian” in podcasts and non-CBS sources, so I’m willing to still say it qualifies, but I hope his chyron is the full, specific title when the season actually airs.  Such a title must not be confined to word of mouth alone!

3. Coconut Vendor: Wait, this is a job?  Really?  I mean, I guess it makes sense.  One can understand what a “Vendor” is, and if one sells exclusively coconuts, one could be considered a “Coconut Vendor”.  Still, the title alone makes you take a second glance, and that’s a lot of what this list is about.  Apart from just being an odd turn of phrase, the like of which is unlikely to be seen again on this show, it makes you wonder just what Vince’s business model is.  Like, is there really that much of a market for coconuts?  When you look into the details, it’s a bit more mundane.  Vince basically gathers coconuts that he sells as a cool, refreshing drink on beaches.  Sort of like those ice cream vendors, but with coconuts.  I can see how it works, but it still turns my head, as I said.  Coupled with the coupling of Vince and “nuts”, two ideas that, as the season demonstrated, stick together, and you’ve got an occupation that’s not only amusing, but appropriate to the subject as well.  

2. Magician’s Assistant: Yes, you will still be force-fed my love for “Survivor Guatemala”, even in the on-season!  While not as unusual an occupation as some we’ve seen on this list, in that the layman has probably actually HEARD of this occupation, it’s still one you don’t see every day, and so again, will likely turn a few heads.  And while the occupation itself is not one that really applies to the game of “Survivor”, think of the metaphors one could use in relation to this one!  Pulling off a blindside compared to pulling a rabbit out of a hat!  Being caught between two alliances is like being sawed in half!  Pretty much any reference to a magic wand being used in conjunction with the game!  And we get NONE of them, because Morgan was gone too early to do much of anything.  It’s this wasted potential that keeps this occupation from the top spot overall, but for how this occupation stands out from the many generic occupations we see on this show, it more than earns a high spot on this list.  

1. Mechanical Bull Operator: While we do not have the potential for metaphors here that we’ve had with some of the previous occupations, when I think “Odd Occupations” this is the one that comes to me.  Once again, it’s an occupation the like of which we’ve not seen before, and will likely not see again.  Visually, it stands alone for being SO long that they actually had to size down the font to get it to fit visually in the chyron.  But then, for me, there’s just the oddity of the occupation itself.  I mean, this is a job?  Granted, you have to assume that SOMEONE has to operate a mechanical bull where a mechanical bull is present, but the job title implies that this is the ONLY duty entrusted to John Kenny.  As one usually comes across mechanical bulls in bars, one would assume that it’s bar staff operating them, but as kind of a side thing, with their overall job title being “Bartender”.  I just envision John talking with someone about his career kind of like this: “What do you do?”  “I operate the mechanical bull.”  “Oh, you mean you bartend?”  “No, just the bull.  Nothing else.”  Like, is that what’s he’s referred to in his contract?  Does he just sit at the controls from opening to closing, giving patrons what they perceive as a chance at glory?  It just raises so many questions, and I have an inordinate amount of fun speculating about them.  How could such a job NOT top this list?

Honorable Mention: Russell Hantz’s Nephew: While this technically counts, as it was used in the chyron where the occupation goes, but I can’t put it on the list proper due to said technicality.  While I would consider “Related to Russell Hantz” as stressful as a full-time job, it technically doesn’t pay anything, mostly because Russell can’t afford it without that million-dollar check.  Brandon did, of course, have a regular job, but in the ultimate tip of the hand from the editors, they made it clear that Brandon was not who you were supposed to care about.  Rather, you were supposed to care about who he was related to, and who the show wanted to invoke to milk more cash out of the franchise.  I should be upset at this blatant motivation, but honestly, it’s just so brazen, it circles back around to being funny, and that counts for something at least.  

BOTTOM 5

5. Housing Case Manager: One difference you’ll notice from the “Top 5” list is that I don’t mention a lot of occupations specific to one individual in the “Bottom 5” list.  Instead, I’ll be going over broad categories of jobs, since to me, the worst jobs are the generic ones, the ones you can’t tie to any person in particular.  This is the exception, which is a real shame, because it comes from “Survivor Vanuatu”, I would argue the best season for fun occupations alone!  Aside from the aforementioned “Mechanical Bull Operator”, Vanuatu also gave us “Sheep Farmer”, “Drill Sergeant”, “Equity Research Assistant”, “Coffee Barista”, “Pre-Law Student”, and TWO variations on “Highway Repair Person”!  Perhaps that’s what makes this one so frustrating.  Don’t get me wrong, Rory’s job definitely stands out, but the wording, to me, is just unclear, as someone who has held the more general title of “Case Manager” in his career.  Is he a general case manager who specializes in housing matters?  Does he work for an organization that specializes in housing?  Is his case management related to home repair, or to the living situation of the people in the home?  My point is that, while I understand in general what Rory probably does, the specifics of it confuse me, and raise too many questions.  John Kenny’s raised a lot of questions as well, but I at least had a general idea of what he did.  With Rory, apart from being  related to social work, I just don’t get it.  It’s still better than being generic, so I would never DREAM of putting it higher on the list than this, but for how much it frustrates me, I had to include it here.  

4. Student: An occupation becoming all the more common, especially if the reports I’m hearing about the show lowering its minimum age to 16 are true.  We have now left the realm of individuality, and find ourselves in the doldrums of forgettableness.  I haven’t done the math personally, but I think it’s a safe bet that THIS is the most common occupation we get on “Survivor”.  So many people in some form of higher eduction end up playing, and this makes for a good catch-all term for them, that I feel like it gets slapped on a lot of players, both good and bad.  There’s nothing WRONG with being a student, but without a prefix like “Pre-Law” attached, it tells us little about that person, and next to nothing about their play style.  Students have gone early; they’ve made it to the end.  But we remember their personality, not their job.  Overall a good thing, but for this particular list, not so much.  

3. Model/Actor: These two are often paired together under the portmanteau “Mactor”, and as my reasoning for disliking both is the same, I decided to pair them together here as well.  While either does tell us a bit more about the person’s ambitions than the more generic “student”, there’s still a wide range under both those job titles, and a similarly wide range of success and failure.  There’s just very little to go on, other than this person is likely hungry for exposure.  And that’s really what sets these occupations above “Student”, the seeming quick grab for fame.  While this motivation is not UNIQUE to these occupations, a lot of the time, people holding these job titles come across as coming, not for adventure or the game, but to get exposure.  This is a generalization, of course, and there are always exceptions, but it feels hollow, especially during the time when I was a fan applying to the show, and felt every spot NOT taken up by a fan was unfairly snatched from me.  I’ve mellowed since then, but there’s still that knee-jerk reaction.  It didn’t help that we saw a rise in such an occupation around the time the show went HEAVY on the recruits, which while not bad in and of itself, got overused and led to several lackluster casts.  Thus, the career and the type of cast became intertwined, and the occupation still has yet to shake off such the whole stigma.  So, for all this vitriol, why is this only number 3?  Join me at number 2.  

2. Lawyer: Say what you will about students and mactors, at least they don’t try to shoehorn in how their occupation has prepared them for “Survivor” all the damn time.  The same cannot be said for our top 2 occupations on this list.  If I have to hear ONE MORE LAWYER talk about how they’re prepared to manage a jury, or manipulate, or argue their case, I will go and take the bar exam myself just to show them up.  Look, some occupations prepare you more for “Survivor” than others, but I think most would agree that the courtroom and the wilderness are two very different areas.  Even the “Arguing in front of a jury” part doesn’t match one for one, partly because you don’t need to convince everyone of your side, partly because there’s less facts and evidence, and more people’s perceptions.  That said, if they keep their occupational relations to a minimum, lawyers can be some of the more fun characters to watch.  My love of Kass McQuillen of “Survivor Cagayan” is evidence of that.  But for those that I love, it’s in SPITE of their occupation, and more so their forced links to it, not because of it.  

1. Professional Poker Player: As one would imagine, this occupation shares a lot of the same issues as the lawyer.  Once again, we have an occupation that LOVES to talk about how well it has prepared the person for “Survivor”, and how great they are at reading people.  The trouble is, no, no it really doesn’t.  Apart from their being a big difference in getting people’s tells when you’re close to them in a climate controlled room, and detecting a spoken lie in the wilderness, poker, at its core, involves a large amount of luck.  Now, “Survivor” has always had an element of luck in it, and if current trends continue, it will certainly match the luck present in poker by “Survivor 45”, but the two just aren’t comparable at the time of this writing.  You’ll note that, for all my disparaging of the lawyers, I DID note that some had had success in the game, and I could even concede one or two ways in which their career might carry over to “Survivor” particularly in the area of needing to persuade people.  But really, the big thing that sets this occupation apart is that, to my knowledge, every single person who has had this listed as their occupation is SO ANNOYING!  Not only is arrogance a common trait among them, but pretty much every single person with this as their occupation is either terrible at the game (see Adelstein, Garrett), “unpleasant” (to put it mildly) as a person (see Bellande, Jean-Robert), or both (see Khait, Anna).  Every single time they talk about how well-prepared they are, and every single time, they’re wrong.  There’s almost no variety in this archetype, and it just needs to end.  Please.  

Honorable Mention: One Immunity Idol: Continuing the trend from the previous list, our honorable mention goes to something that is not TECHNICALLY an occupation, but goes in the same place as one.  And once again, it’s the editors tipping their hand to what really matters to them, though this time, rather than being funny, it’s just sad.  “Survivor” is meant to be a social game, where the people playing it matter the most.  All aspects of them, including their occupation, are at least somewhat relevant information to impart to the audience.  When that gets dumped in favor of “Who has what advantage?”, you’re both showing that you have too many advantages in the show, and getting away from the core of what made your show great in the first place.  It may be a symptom of a larger problem, but that problem is great enough that it lands at least an honorable mention on this list.  

My, this goes on longer when I have the time.  Let me know what you all think of my choices, and I’ll see you back here in just under two weeks for the premiere of “Survivor 42”!

-Matt

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Edge of Extinction” “Finale”: Rise of the Quotation Marks

Well, “Survivor”, credit where credit is due: You did it. You managed to give us another first. Many would have thought it impossible after 38 seasons of the show, but they managed it. Yes, I can definitely say without a doubt, this season…

IS THE WORST THING THIS SHOW HAS EVER DONE IN THE ENTIRETY OF ITS EXISTENCE! Look, I’ve tried to be as fair as possible to this season. I tried not to go in hating it on the twist alone. I gave it credit where it earned it. Hell, I would even say some of the merge episodes were pretty good. Not legendary, mind you, but entertaining and worthy of the “Survivor” brand. But that ending. Good Lord, that ending! I had prepared myself for this possibility. I thought I was ok with it, but the more and more I think about it, the more and more it just pisses me off. Yes, “Survivor Fiji” can now rest easy. It has stopped being the general punching bag of bad “Survivor” seasons for me. Be prepared for a number of “Survivor Edge of Extinction” jokes in the future. What could make a season so bad that even the presence of my beloved Aubry cannot earn it any credit?

Well, before we find out, we have to delay talking about this awful “finale” with another round of…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

I’ll keep this one brief, but I feel it’s important to touch on. For all that I give Rick credit for what he was able to do, and how he’s able to win over the jury, I wasn’t impressed with his performance at the previous Tribal Council. The whole “righteous indignation” thing worked at the Ron boot, because Rick had actually been tricked in what could be interpreted as a mean-spirited way. This time, however? He’s just mocking their inability to vote him out. Kind of giving back the whole “mean-spirited” thing, and losing the high ground, Rick.

Moving on to our episode proper, you’d think we’d start out at the fallout of the previous Tribal Council. HA HA! You fool! That’s for seasons that DON’T have 8/9ths of the contestants left in the final episode! Because heaven forbid a great character become an early martyr! Yes, we’re going straight to our “Edge of Extinction” challenge, which is your standard ropes course with a table maze at the end, though with a few cool elements. One is the maze itself, which is distinguishable by having the holes for the balls in separate spots, at the midpoint and the end, rather than side-by-side. The big draw, here, is the bridge to the table maze. Rather than your standard plank puzzle bridge, players use the ropes they’ve been navigating through to build the bridge, which is a new idea that works on “Survivor”, and is pretty challenging. Shame it has to be wasted on as overall lackluster a challenge as this.

Now, with 16 people competing in arguably their most important challenge of their game, we of course need some idea of who’s in it to win it. The smart thing to do would have been to build story arcs for those on the Edge of Extinction, like you would do in a NORMAL season, and then let this challenge be the culmination of said story arcs. This being “Survivor Edge of Extinction” they instead do the dumb thing of giving us little to nothing of most of our players, and instead just have the frontrunners get out early in the challenge. Thus, we quickly learn that only Aurora, Eric, Joey Amazing, and Chris are really in contention. Aubry, despite my hopes and predictions, chokes. Even worse, she chokes on the part of the challenge SHE HAD PRACTICED! No, it does not diminish my love for her, and no, it does not contribute to my newfound hatred for this season. Even if Aubry’s loss could be counted as a “sin”, believe me, it would be the LEAST of the sins here.

Out of these four, Chris is our winner. I suppose of those four, he had the closest thing to a story arc, though I lump his “I didn’t get my perfect game.” storyline with Andrew Savage’s “I’m missing my perfect supermodel wife from my life where everything except ‘Survivor’ is perfect!” storyline: It exists, but is pointless and whiny, serving only to turn me against the character. We get our teary farewell confessionals from our remaining contestants who are now, mercifully out of the game. I suppose it’s decently emotional, but more due to the mirror neurons firing than due to the confessionals themselves actually being emotional.

This leads to our first forced Probst segment, where he talks to Joe about losing the game again. After getting an assurance from Joe that Joe thinks he himself can win, Probst nearly has a heart attack when Joe is noncommittal about returning. Trying to salvage the situation, Probst goes for what I describe as “comedy” only in the loosest sense of the term, going on about Joe’s hair being his weakness. Probst, might I suggest you look up the story of “Samson and Delilah”? You might learn a few things about suggest haircuts.

Getting back to camp, Chris now has the daunting task of integrating himself into a group that has every reason to want him gone, and half of whom he hasn’t even played with prior to this day. To his credit, I think he plays it off as best he can here. He talks about the harshness of Edge of Extinction, and how exhausted he is from playing on it. However, he also highlights the insights he has to the jury, and how he’s willing to talk about them with anyone. This simultaneously diminishes Chris’ threat level, while also giving him a bargaining chip in any conversation. His salesman’s skills mean that to the untrained eye, this comes off as genuine. Fortunately for us, Victoria is highly intelligent, as well as having a good bullshit detector. She notes that OF COURSE this is what Chris is going to say, and affirms that he and Rick are targets A and B.

Chris, of course, still needs allies, and so speaks with Rick, the one person who might have his back. Indeed, Rick notes the irony of the situation: How he had helped vote Chris out, only to be voted out himself, and now the two need to work together if they hope to survive. Rick admits to some mistrust, but the guy with no allies to speak of takes what he can get.

Obstacle course number one is nothing to speak of, though I’ll give credit that the circular puzzle is better this time, in and of that you can’t simply look at the logo to get the design. You’d have to examine the immunity idol, which is harder to see at a distance and less frequently examined closely. Julie ends up the victor, which would be uneventful were it not for the way she wins. Oh, I’m not talking about her mistake in building the border first rather than building vertically to help prevent puzzle collapse. No, Chris, recognizing his own inevitable loss of the challenge, stops what he’s doing to help Julie. This, understandably, gets the attention of Rick, who was decently close in the challenge, and is naturally unhappy about a supposed ally helping to ensure his defeat. This is played up as a big deal, and I think it SHOULD have been a big deal, but for two guys with few alliance prospects, I doubt they can let this come between them.

Julie also wins steak dinner, with the choice to bring two people along with her. Hoo boy, does Julie drop the ball here. Chris is her first choice, and I get where she’s coming from in the “he hasn’t had anything to eat since he got voted out” thing, plus the whole “helped her win the challenge” thing, but Julie, it’s the end of the game. Time to be cutthroat. Need I remind you that you are STRENGTHENING ARGUABLY THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE THREAT LEFT IN THE GAME WHO YOU AREN’T EVEN ALLIED WITH? Sigh. At least her second pick, Lauren, makes a little more sense, since they did work together and all before, but despite this, it still alienates her allies. Specifically Victoria, which even RICK calls out as a dumb move on her part. Need I remind you that the only times Victoria HASN’T voted correctly has been when she’s helping out with a split vote? She seems like a person you don’t want to piss off.

Over dinner, our castaways discuss their vote-out options. Rick is of course the primary target, and Chris proves his loyalty by covering for Rick’s idol, which Rick had revealed to him in their previous talk. This then leads to who the backup should be, with the idea floated out that Victoria be the next one to go. Makes sense. She seems popular, and I think has been a low-key major decision maker this entire time. Rick is, of course, planning to use his idol tonight, though whether he’ll go against Chris or not is up in the air. After all, if he were to sway Gavin and Victoria to his side, he’d be able to at least tie, and then rely on everyone else’s self-preservation instinct to break that tie. Despite saving Chris being the clear obvious choice, this is actually some interesting misdirection.

Too bad it goes nowhere! We find out that, like Rick, Chris was given an idol good for the next Tribal Council, but only if half is temporarily given to another player. Chris, recognizing the need to build trust, gives it to Rick, who now trusts Chris 100%, and cements the loss of Victoria. I’ll explain why that’s a shame in a bit, but first, let’s talk about the substitute intrigue for a bit. Rick is hardly the only person Chris has been talking to, and Lauren, at least, is willing to give him the time of day. Chris knows from Kelley that she has an idol, but has been keeping it under wraps for her. Chris tells her that what the jury is looking for is for idols to be played, and played correctly. A plausible lie told in a convincing way. So, now the question is: Will Lauren play her idol for Chris?

Yes. The answer is yes. After a throughly “nothing” Tribal Council, we find that both Lauren and Rick blow their idols. Rick needed to, but as Lauren laments, she wasted hers, with Victoria going out 2 to nothing, against the one vote Chris would have had. Victoria is a major loss for the season, in more ways than one. This gets into the first two problems this season has: who gets booted, and how they’re presented. There were some great new characters and strategists this season, and Victoria, for me, was definitely one of them. More so the latter than the former, but still intriguing, particularly given her young age. Thus, losing her loses the person I was most rooting for at this point, and while it’s a smart move to take out the smart people at this point in the game, it’s not as fun from an audience perspective. More to the point, however, is that while all these things about Victoria are true, you need to look REALLY deep to find them. For all that Victoria was a major force this season, post Aubry-boot she was pretty much nonexistent. Probst even commented at the Reunion show (which is spared quotation marks due to actually being decent this season) that Victoria played a good under-the-radar game that doesn’t get the credit it deserves. Nice sentiment, Probst, but here’s an idea: If you want people to get credit for their work, THEN ACTUALLY SHOW THEIR WORK! My God, the wasted potential here is staggering. Victoria, you deserved a much better season than the one we got.

On a positive note, I will say I admire Eric’s decision to NOT clean himself up at Ponderosa. Helps him stand out, and is a nice, respectful touch.

So, this means we get a segment with Probst detailing Victoria’s game, and hopes for the future, right? Silly viewer! Those are for who PRODUCTION cares about, not who you care about!

Getting back to camp, Rick of course foolishly sets out to look for an idol. I say “foolishly” because of course, after the backlash that the fire-making final four twist from “Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers” received, they have moved back when regular idols work to the final six, leaving only Chris’ as a legitimate idol left. Then you remember that this is “Survivor Edge of Extinction” where everything you love goes to die! Instead, Rick finds yet ANOTHER idol, thus guaranteeing himself the final four. If, at this point, you think there’s an overabundance of idols for so late in the game, you’re right! Look, I give the producers more slack on the “Advantagegeddon” even on “Survivor Game Changers” than most. While I agree that season overall was too twist-heavy, that particular event I say was more due to the contestants then having balls of steel to hold their idols and advantages so long. But putting in new idols when there’s only one legitimate vote left in the game? That’s just too much. I will never be a fan of the fire-making final four happening automatically, but if you give us one vote with no possible idols, it becomes much more tolerable.

Not content with having TWO hidden immunity idols in the game, Rick now decides he needs FAKE idols in the game as well. He hides a pair of them (with notes from his previous idols for legitimacy), which Lauren and Julie, having learned from their previous efforts of NOT following Rick, find. Rick proves just how much of the high ground he’s taking by laughing obnoxiously behind their backs as they make these efforts. Our hero, everybody.

Our second immunity challenge is your standard ropes obstacle course with little fanfare, though putting it over water was a nice touch. Rick wins, rendering his idol DOUBLY pointless, but making for an interesting situation back at camp. You see, everyone BUT Gavin thinks they’re safe. Preying on this, Rick suggest that he’ll play his idol on Gavin if Gavin votes with them. Gavin, not being a moron, jumps at the chance. But who should they target. The debate, by default, is between Julie and Lauren. Lauren’s played a more dominant game in their eyes, while Julie might have more friends on the jury. The answer, however, is quite obvious to me. Julie must go. Yes, Lauren has a stronger game overall, but it’s not one necessarily respected by the jury. Who the jury wants to win is the biggest factor at this point, making Julie a threat. Moreover, Lauren, being original Manu, is more likely to help one or both of you out at the final four, whereas Julie is not likely to at all. Better to get rid of her.

Our second Tribal Council is just as “nothing” as the first, save for that for once people make the stupid decision. After Lauren and Julie get needlessly humiliated with the fake idols (not that I don’t think Rick shouldn’t have made them, as they did help throw the scent off of him, but the laughter was needless), Lauren gets sent home. Again, I’m sorry to see her go. While not the same level as Victoria, she had a determination I liked, and again, was probably the best non-Rick strategist left in the game. Losing her loses a lot of investment in the season, and another good player to boot.

Our final immunity challenge is the now standard “Stack blocks to make a phrase” challenge, though this one does up the game a bit by having contestants walk along an arced board while still holding the platform steady. Much as I despise this challenge for being repetitive at this point, that is a pretty clever way to shake things up. Gavin and Rick make basically no headway, so our battle comes down to Julie and Chris. Julie is overall faster, but also messes up, handing Chris an easy victory. Meaning yes, someone who was voted out of the game just over a week in, and who will have played less than two weeks total, just made the finals. I’m sure this will in no way backfire on the show whatsoever!

Chris, of course, now has to choose who will be going to fire making. He tries to play things cool with Rick, but Rick pretty quickly picks up on the fact that Chris doesn’t want him in the finals, and so goes to make fire. The debate for Chris really comes down to who he thinks can beat Rick in fire making, and he tells as much to Julie and Gavin. He coaches each of them on fire making, but no real conclusion is reached as we head off to Tribal Council.

Soon enough, we see exactly WHY no conclusion was reached: because Chris chose to take a third option. A stupid option, to be sure, but an option nonetheless. You see, Chris has decided to go full Domenick Abbate (“Survivor Ghost Island”), and give up immunity to Julie, allowing him to battle Rick for the right to remain in the game. For some reason, despite giving up immunity, Chris is allowed to choose who goes to fire making. Granted, I don’t think Julie would have chosen differently, but still, you’d think it’d be her choice, given that she now has immunity. Look, I can see the logic here. Like Domenick, Chris doesn’t want to lose votes to another worthy competitor, and so moves to eliminate that chance, at great risk to himself. It is this last part that I take issue with. No matter how much of a jury threat someone is, IT IS NEVER WORTH RISKING YOUR OWN SPOT IN THE GAME FOR THEM! This was Chris’ worst move of the night, and he’s lucky it didn’t backfire on him. Rick goes home, and again, I’m disappointed. A Rick win would have been predictable from the edit, and certainly would have had an asterisk next to it for the whole “Edge of Extinction” twist, but we at least got to see his gameplay, and he would have been an entertaining winner, if nothing else. Instead, we’re left with decent enough players and nice people, but whose stories were weak (Julie, Chris) or nonexistent (Gavin). Joy.

Between segments, we get another Probst interlude, as Rick is popular enough to warrant an interview. It’s less cringe-worthy than Joe’s segment, as really all Probst tries to do is to get Rick to follow in the footsteps of John Cochran (“Survivor South Pacific”), and come work for CBS. Pointless, but nothing annoying about it.

To their credit, all our contestants actually give themselves pretty good arguments about why they should win on this particular day 39. Julie cites her willingness to change up the game, Gavin leans on his social bonds, and Chris notes the effort it took to return from Edge of Extinction. For all my complaints, this is one part the episode actually does well. For a moment, it seems like everyone has a shot.

That is, until we get to Final Tribal Council. Then, Julie at least is shut out. Frankly, of the finalists, she’s probably the one I most wanted to win, due to her arguably actually having an arc. The trouble is, said arc involves Julie acting on her emotions, and while an emotional argument can be powerful, Julie doesn’t demonstrate good control over them, thus making her gameplay come off as erratic and reactionary, rather than controlled and calculated. She’s out, but Chris does himself few favors as well. When Gavin makes a point about his own game at the expense of Chris’, Chris interrupts him to rebut the argument. The jury gets on his case for this, though, citing it as disrespectful. And yet, Chris keeps doing it. True, he does get in good arguments about his social manipulation in the time he had, using Lauren playing her idol as an example of this. Still, that doesn’t mean his interactions with the other finalists come off well. The only person who comes off decently here is Gavin, who manages to articulate his social game nicely, and provide some good, concrete examples. Like with previous uses of this jury format, we do lose those great, defining moments a jury question can provide. The overall Final Tribal Council is sound.

The conclusion, however, is not, and now it is time. We must discuss the sin that ruins the season retroactively. The sin that makes this the worst season of “Survivor” there ever was, purely by default. Our winner, as one might expect, is Chris Underwood.

Where to start with the problems this causes? Well, for one thing, CHRIS WAS VOTED OUT OF THE GAME ON DAY 8! Yes, our winner is a man who so badly bungled a situation, that he was voted out pre-merge. Also bear in mind that he was a physical challenge beast on a tribe that desperately needed challenge strength. For him to be voted out in spite of this speaks volumes about just how badly he bungled his situation. Not only did he bungle his situation, but this also means Chris didn’t need to work nearly as hard as everyone else. While Gavin, Julie, and the other finalists (yes, even Rick to some degree), all had to put themselves at risk, and navigating the social quagmire that is betraying people but still having them like you, all Chris had to do was sit, wait, win one crucial challenge, and not be an asshole. It’s not NOTHING, but compared to what everyone else had to go through, it seems like a lot less, and ought to have disqualified him outright from his victory. This, of course, begs the question of how I would have felt about a Rick victory. I can’t say I would have been fully on board with it, but I wouldn’t have felt like disqualifying Rick quite as much as I do Chris. Rick did get voted out of the game, but unlike Chris, it was less due to his game play, and more due to having the bad luck to end up on a tribe with few options. Rick’s loss was largely due to luck, Chris’ to skill. See the difference? Plus, Rick was in the game the majority of the time, and had to navigate difficult situations, while Chris faced few, if any. Did Chris do nothing? Of course not! His gameplay this episode was masterful, and he’s definitely charming enough to earn a few votes. But think about how this would have looked in previous seasons. Let’s take the case of Hunter Ellis from “Survivor Marquesas”, and man who fills the same roll as Chris, and was voted out at the same point in the game. People loved Hunter at the time, and were shocked at his vote out. Many even advocate for his return. But would you really still love him if, having made no enemies, he was just randomly put back in the game at the end? No. No you wouldn’t. You’d feel production was giving him a leg up because heaven forbid we produce an unsatisfying winner! Ironically, by doing all this, I say production made what could have been a future satisfying winner unsatisfying. I’m glad Chris got the chance to show what he could do, and as I say, he did it well, and there’s nothing offensive about him as a person. But we should have gotten to see these things on a “Second Chances” type season, rather than shoehorning Chris in in the last episode.

But, to be fair, pretty much all of what I’ve vilified is stuff that’s out of Chris’ control. He didn’t ask to be put on an Edge of Extinction season, and made the best of what he had. Besides, however unfair it might be, any twist in the game is legitimate, and you can only play the hand you’re dealt, right? That is correct, and so all of the above, I’m willing to at least consider a counter-argument to. However, even if you were to take away all these problems, one major one still reigns. One question that has no satisfying answer, and is what, by default, makes this the worst season the show has ever put out:

What was the point of having all the episodes this season?

Here’s what I mean: “Survivor”, at its core, is about the journey to the finals. How do our finalists get there, and how do they beat out the other finalists? Some seasons do this better than others. Some seasons make the outcome super obvious. Some seasons subtly manipulate the audience, leading us on a good mystery hunt. Regardless, though, however dominant or just pain good at the game a player is, they still have to go through it. They still have to jump through to hoops so that we can see the progress of their journey. But Chris’ journey largely played out of Edge of Extinction, where even if we DID get footage of it, screen time needed to be divided between everyone else there. Thus, Chris got lost in the shuffle, and we the audience feel like we only really got to know him in this last episode. Again, he played well in that episode, but it still begs the question: If all we needed was this episode, why did we watch all the others?

There was really no season recap this time, nor was there Probst talking about why each remaining player could win. Frankly, I’m happy the latter is gone, since it was kind of forced anyway, but the former can be necessary. After all, more people tend to tune in to the finale of a show, rather than a random episode in the middle. Thus, the recap is needed to understand the journey that brought us to this point. Even the most boring seasons like “Survivor Fiji”, or the most predictable seasons like “Survivor Redemption Island”, there was at least a reason why we needed that journey. Even if we already knew or didn’t care about the outcome, we still needed the guidance of the rest of the season to understand that outcome. Here, someone tuning in for just this episode, even without a season recap, would lose nothing. They could watch it, and get just as much out of it as someone who had followed the entire season. And if 12/13 episodes of your season don’t need to be watched, what was the point of having the season at all?

Now, I hear the counterargument to this already: “Chris did have a story. It was just all on Edge of Extinction. And weren’t you, Matt, one of the ones praising the show for not spending so much time on Edge of Extinction?” You’re right about that, but it doesn’t change the fact that it retroactively makes the season pointless. Of course, we wouldn’t want the show to devote more time to the Edge of Extinction than to people still in the game, but then, if one of those people wins, it feels hollow. The only solution I can really think of to satisfy both worlds would be to have made the segments of “Edge of Extinction” its own show. Have it air right after “Survivor”, and be all about the social dynamics of the Edge of Extinction, with the finale being a kind of crossover between those two shows. Then we might have had time to develop everyone as needed to make a satisfying finale. Now, this would never happen. While “Survivor” has an impressive longevity, it must be said that the heyday of the show is passed, and so CBS is not logically going to devote an entire timeslot to a companion show no one is guaranteed to watch. However, if we’re trying to find a way for this twist to work, this is the only way I can think of. As it stands, this twist is a terrible idea that moves “Survivor” to a point where it isn’t recognizable as “Survivor” any more. Because it is such a different animal, and renders the vast majority of the season as being pointless, there is no logical place for this season to go other than the very bottom of the rankings.

Probably the biggest disappointment of all here, though, is that the season did not have to be this way. Not even close. It’s not like something like the aforementioned “Survivor Fiji”, where the cast mean the season was doomed before they even started filming. This cast had potential. As I said, there were a lot of intriguing new players this time around. But with so much time devoted to returning players, advantages, and the Edge of Extinction itself, they just get shunted aside. Thus, we cannot bond with them, or the season. Really, ALL the players on this season deserved a better season than what they got, and shame on CBS for taking something good and doing everything in their power to ruin it.

Ok, ok, let’s talk about something that actually goes WELL this season: The Reunion show. Still too little time devoted to it, but we talk with most of the important people, get a comment on most everyone, and most importantly, fewer pointless Probst segments. No audience interviews, no kid guessing the obvious winner. Hell, the only former player we see is a brief glimpse of Cochran, and then it’s at a relevant time to mention him. Yeah, I really don’t have any complaints about this particular reunion show, again apart from the length.

As to the upcoming season, it can only be an improvement. If you’re going to bring back returning players with new players, I think keeping the new players out of the competition is the way to do it. They can add flavor to the season this way, but also are less likely to dominate screen time as a result. It’s not a guarantee, so I’m holding my judgment until the season proper, and I am concerned about the lack of new player confessionals in the preview. Plus, getting advice from old players might encourage new players to ape their style, rather than going their own way. Still, there’s potential for good here, and those giant heads are just the kind of cheesy I can get behind, so I’ll give this season a fair shake. Now, onto discussing how my pre-season opinions matched up to reality, starting with:

Dan-Right on personality, wrong on time in the game. He made himself more necessary than I thought he would, and was smarter than I gave him credit for. That said, I count this one as a loss for me.

Reem-Overall right, though she was definitely feistier than I gave her credit for.

Rick-Pretty much right here, though I didn’t call his ending up on Edge of Extinction.

Wendy-Again, pretty well nailed the personality, though she was out earlier than I expected.

Lauren-Despite my saying she had more game than she gets credit for, I still say her personality was on point. Name one thing about her that wasn’t related to Kelley Wentworth. I’ll wait. Oh, and she lasted longer than I would have thought.

Keith-I’m seeing a trend here. Keith is yet another one where I called his personality, but was vastly wrong on his time in the game.

Chris-Wrong. Out earlier than I expected, but also had more game than I expected as well.

Victoria-She made it longer than I guessed, but I’d say I was right overall.

Ron-Wrong. Much more socially aware, and as a result longer-lived, than I ever anticipated.

Julia-Probably the only one on this list where I hit the nail on the head for both personality and time in the game.

Eric-Pretty much right, though I think I gave him too much credit in the “smarts” department.

Aurora-She made herself overall more low-key, at least pre-merge, and so lasted longer than I expert suspected she would. Good for her.

Julie-Wrong. Much less domineering, and much longer-lived than I gave her credit for.

Gavin-A little bit longer-lived than I expected, but Gavin fell pretty close to what I thought otherwise.

Kelley-Right, though as returnees are easier to predict, having seen their previous gameplay, I only consider this a half-win at best.

Joe-Right on vote-out time, wrong on his coming back to win the whole thing.

Aubry-Wrong. I’m not sure how much time is needed for people to think of her more as “Survivor Game Changers” Aubry rather than “Survivor Kaoh Rong” Aubry, but clearly, it’s not enough.

David-Wrong. Dude managed to hang in there better than I expected. How is it people remember Aubry’s (earlier) performance better than David’s?

This would normally be the point where I end the blog. However, loathe though I am to admit it, and however little this season deserves it, it’s time for another:

TOP 5 AND BOTTOM 5

Let’s talk about moves. They need to be made on “Survivor”. Even choosing to not make a move is, in and of itself, making a move. As such, one can usually point to a winner’s moves to explain how they won the game. We’ll be talking about the best actions winners have taken, while also acknowledging those moves that SHOULD have ruined winners games, but they were able to come back from. A couple of ground rules: The move has to be from the season the winner won on. I could vilify Cochran’s flip on “Survivor South Pacific”, but that has no bearing on his win on “Survivor Caramoan”. Second ground rule: It has to be one specific move. Something a winner did overall, such as their social game, isn’t the subject of this list. That said, let’s start with the best of the best, with…

TOP 5

5. Boran Throws the Challenge (“Survivor Africa”): Technically cheating a bit here, since this was a move by a tribe, not just by the winner. However, Ethan seemed to be the one spearheading this move, and it’s my list, so I’ll count it. It was definitely a risk, and I’m normally the first to come out against throwing a challenge, but it cannot be denied that this worked out well for Ethan. It kept his allies on Samburu safe, built trust with T-Bird and Frank, and pretty much decimated any hope of the old Samburu coming back together as a unified whole. Maybe not Ethan’s move alone, but definitely one that helps ensure his victory.

4. Tom Mind-Screws Ian (“Survivor Palau”): At this point in the game, Tom’s only competition was Ian. True, he probably wins the game no matter who he’s against, but it’s much more up in the air against Ian than anyone else. When the plan to oust Ian at the final four goes awry, Tom now has little choice but to duke it out against a younger competitor at an endurance challenge. No mean feat to win. So Tom, to ensure his victory, preys on Ian’s guilt, and gets in his head to the point where Ian gives up, handing Tom victory on that season, and a spot on this list. Again, I keep him low because I think he had it won regardless, but it was a good bit of insurance, just in case.

3. “Please, take this risk.” (“Survivor Vanuatu”): This, frankly, is the reason why Chris Daugherty is a winner. The man had tried and failed multiple times to break up the women, usually at the expense of Eliza. It was only when he had the brainwave to USE Eliza, rather than target her, that finally got him success, and overcome a 6-1 deficit to win. Admittedly, the idea was Scout’s, which is why Chris doesn’t land higher on this list, but without Chris’ salesmanship, it wouldn’t have worked, so he deserves some credit. Also, this means that Chris from this season now hold the distinction of being the second person to win who shares a first name with a previous winner (Natalie White of “Survivor Samoa” and Natalie Anderson of “Survivor San Juan del Sur” being the first pair to do so).

2. “Coach is gunning for you.” (“Survivor Heroes vs. Villains”): Aw yeah, now we get to talk about the awesomeness that is Sandra! For those who say her game was all about doing nothing, this is my counter-argument. She and Courtney Yates, her only ally, were dead in the water. But one simple conversation with Russell Hantz, and suddenly that paranoia makes neither of them a major target. As Sandra doesn’t even make the merge without this move, it’s safe to say it won her the game, as well as a spot on this list.

1. The Buddy System (“Survivor Redemption Island”): Look, I never said this season had no redeeming features. I just said they were drowned in a sea of mediocrity. That said, it cannot be denied that Boston Rob had a good strategy here. By isolating everyone so that his sycophants would never think of flipping, he managed to maintain his iron grip on the tribe, even when up against players better than what he had in the pre-merge. It made the season boring and predictable, but it cannot be denied it was good strategy.

Honorable Mention: J.T.’s Crocodile Tears (“Survivor Tocantins”): You may remember that J.T. gave quite the performance at the “Survivor Tocantins” final tribal council. Acting indignant and hurt at Stephen’s supposed “betrayal”. I even saw some tears there. There’s a reason J.T. was the second shut-out victory in the history of the show, but I keep this off the list proper because I can guarantee that J.T. wins the game even without this. Stephen was respected by the jury, but wasn’t worshipped like J.T. was, so all J.T. did was humiliate Stephen still further. Unnecessary, J.T. “Survivor Cambodia” would do that well enough.

BOTTOM 5

5. Jenna’s Emotional Breakdown (“Survivor The Amazon”): I’ll admit, I’m a bit reluctant to mark someone down for showing emotion on “Survivor”. That said, the fact remains that Jenna’s breakdown at the final five did her no favors. When it’s kind of a coin toss between you and your ally as to who goes home, telling people you’re ready to go is not a good look. I keep it this low on the list because I don’t think Jenna made this as a “move” per se, but not having as good control on the emotions is a mark against a potential winner, as we saw with Julie this season.

4. Sandra Throws Out the Fish (“Survivor Pearl Islands”): Yes, for all that we must praise Sandra for her awesomeness, we must also point out where she messed up. Sabotaging the tribe, especially in the early seasons of the show, was often a death sentence. Moreover, Sandra was doing this out of petty revenge for the betrayal of Rupert, rather than any strategic reasoning. It would be one thing if Sandra had intentionally tried to cover her tracks, but she just got lucky that Christa took the fall. If she hadn’t, Sandra might well have been gone out of sheer frustration from the tribe. Sandra is still awesome, but she’s lucky this move didn’t backfire on her.

3. Final 6 Rock Draw (“Survivor Blood vs. Water”): I keep this one from higher on the list because I see little Tyson could have done in this situation to prevent this, save keep a tighter grip on Ciera. That said, not having your allies in check is a sin even Tyson is not exempt from. This move really could have cost him the game had he drawn the wrong rock. True, the risk was greater for the other alliance (two members drawing rocks as opposed to one), but still, if Tyson draws the wrong rock, that season is never the same. Too much of a risk, so it earns a spot on this list.

2. Mike and the Auction (“Survivor Worlds Apart”): While Tyson’s move had the CHANCE of him going home, I’m AMAZED this didn’t send Mike home. For starters, the idea itself is bad. Going back on a deal YOU YOURSELF suggested makes you look like a dick, especially since it involves messages from home, which are always emotionally charged. No advantage is worth that in a social game like “Survivor”. But then Mike doubles down on the idiocy by then following through on the deal, meaning he gets no upside. People hate you for trying to backstab them publicly, and you don’t even get the advantage you were going for in the first place. It’s only through the grace of immunity that Mike won. This really should have cost him the game.

1. Chris Trusts Wardog (“Survivor Edge of Extinction”): This one’s a no-brainer. The only thing worse than a winner making a move that could POTENTIALLY get them voted off is them making a move that ACTUALLY votes them off. A person who wins despite their mistake costing them their spot in the game is the type of winner I just can’t get behind, if I haven’t already made that clear.

Honorable Mention: MAD (“Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”): I keep this one off the list proper because the idea was good. Take someone you want as an ally, and share secrets so you both have an incentive to stay aligned. This is what Adam did with Taylor regarding their various advantages (a reward steal for Adam, plus hidden food for Taylor). The flaw here is that Taylor is not exactly playing what we might call a “strategic” game, and thus has no incentive to worry about messing up his own game. Thus, he outs Adam’s deception, and Adam comes off looking the worse for it. I even wrote at the time that Adam had torpedoed his own chances of winning with this move, so it must be talked about here.

At long last, we come to the end of this season, and good riddance. I’ll say it before, and I’ll say it again: everyone involved deserved a better season. We had a cast that, while not the stuff of legend, was definitely solid and could have developed good future returnees. However, a combination of too much focus on the returnees, too many advantages, time taken away for the Edge of Extinction, and a winner who only really showed up in the last episode, means this season doesn’t really even count as “Survivor”. If it must, though, it’s the very bottom of the “Survivor” pile. At least we get a nice long break before the next season. That’ll give us time to get invested again.

But what of this blog during the off-season? Don’t worry, content will still come, but don’t expect the return of “Survivor Retrospectives” yet. Don’t worry, I still intend to finish, but they take a lot of work, and I’m just burnt out on them at the moment. That said, I’ve had a couple of ideas for new blog topics, including one feature I hope to make a regular thing, that I’ll be rolling out over the summer, and I hope you enjoy them.

Let’s end this on a high note. One positive I can say for the season: NO PLAYERS BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE! Yes, the tradition of “Idol Speculation” is finally broken, and no players have busted down my wall insisting on an audience, and closing me a lot in repairs. At last, I can go one season without calling a contractor…

CRASH!

RICK: DUN-DUN-DA-DA-DAH! DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN!

MATT: GAAAAAAAAAAH!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Ghost Island” Episode 6: Bradley and the Advantage Factory

Come with me/and you’ll be/in a world of idol saturation!
Living there/there won’t be/a straightforward vote…

Take note, all those people complaining about the lack of idols/advantages on this season: This is your fault! All this stuff now in the game? By proxy, that’s on you. True, it’s doubtful you were out on the island influencing production to plant these things, but you wished for this, you got it. Why is this a problem, though? After all, wasn’t this actually a pretty good episode that set up a lot of future intrigue? Well yes, yes it was. However, I’m willing to bet that at least SOME of you complaining about the lack of advantages this season ALSO complained about “Advantagegeddon” from “Survivor Game Changers”. And what did that involve? Three hidden immunity idols and a legacy advantage. And what do we have on this season? Three hidden immunity idols, a legacy advantage, AND a vote steal! In wishing for this to happen, you have invited in the possibility of that which you hate happening again. If we get another “Advantagegeddon”, I don’t want to hear ANY complaints! You wished for this, you live with the consequences!

Speaking of Ghost Island, and things related to it, it’s time once again for…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Last episode, I neglected to mention something that wasn’t there: Ghost Island! Yes, in a remarkable show of restraint, the producers decided that the tribe shuffle was twist enough, and rather than screw somebody by forcing them out of new tribe dynamics, they just let things play out naturally. Despite the aforementioned complaints about the lack of Ghost Island on a season called “Ghost Island”, I’m actually ok with this. With three tribes, we now need all the time we can to adjust to the new dynamics. Ghost Island does nothing but distract from that. And again, I think it’s nice to see that the producers do have restraint, and aren’t just throwing a twist in every episode for the sake of drama.

“Previously on… ‘Survivor’! Malolo sucks!” Laugh if you will, but that’s hardly an exaggeration. Gone are the days of the (relatively) unbiased narrative.

Less sucky is Mike, who is taking the initiative to go idol hunting, as he is on the bottom of the tribe. Can’t really fault him on this score. After all, Angela, Desi, and Kellyn seem like a pretty tight group. You’ve shown some loyalty by voting with them, but in the event of another pre-merge Tribal Council, I doubt that’ll get you very far. Thus, idol hunting is the best bet. Now, it may seem wrong to berate players for repeating a mistake from a season they hadn’t seen, but Angela, Desi, and Kellyn all deserve berating. WHY DIDN’T YOU KEEP A TAIL ON MIKE? WHY? This is exactly what happened with Ben Driebergen (“Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers”), and you saw how that turned out! Well no, you didn’t, but we the audience did! And even then, it’s just common sense. Hell, it’s not like Mike was even sneaky about it. Desi even comments on it, yet you do NOTHING? Once again, a loss of respect points.

Mike is justly rewarded for his unhindered efforts by finding an idol. Specifically it’s the “F*cking Stick” from “Survivor Micronesia”. For one second, I think they’re playing with the poor boy’s emotions. “Ha ha, you get the idol that isn’t really an idol! Good luck fooling people with it!” or something similar. But no. Evidently idols work on Pokemon logic, as enough time and experience can evolve a fake idol into a real idol. Personally, I say that particular fake idol needed a LOT more time to work, but I suppose it’s good for humor’s sake.

Also, I don’t buy that this thing is “cursed”. To me, a “Survivor” object is cursed when it fails in what it’s supposed to do. Thus, things like James’ idol from “Survivor China” make sense, since they failed in their intended purpose. But the stick? It’s job was to throw people off the trail of the real idol, which it did. Ok, the point about how everyone who handled it (Eliza, Ozzy, and Jason) being voted out one after another is a good one, but not exactly the stuff of cursed legends.

Our second reference to last season is a much better one, coming in the form of a reward challenge. Teams of four must hold a ropes taught to support a platform, on which they must spell the word “Reward”. The first team to do this gets steaks, kebabs, a grill, spices, and the right to send anyone from the other two teams to Ghost Island. Second place gets kebabs, and third place jack diddly. I loved this challenge last season, and I love it now. It’s tricky, and leads to a good number of “come from behind victories”. This season, we are not disappointed, as each tribe falls out at some point, only to work their way back up.

Before we talk about the challenge proper, I have to take a moment to criticize Yanuna’s sit-out. Naiviti does the logical thing and sit out the top-heavy Domenick, but Yanuya? They go with Laurel. WHY? This challenge is designed for women (with their naturally lower center of gravity) to do well. Wendell and Chris are strong, don’t get me wrong, but they’re also incredibly top-heavy. They are, in some ways, a liability this time. I suppose I can’t argue with results, but still.

Naviti takes the top prize, despite Bradley’s barking orders clearly getting on some people’s nerves. They are the only tribe to figure out how to go fast, though, so it makes sense. Naiviti, being slow and steady (though not as slow as Malolo), takes second, under the leadership of Chris. I should mention, this is the first episode this season where we get not a single scene of Chris being a dick to somebody, or just being arrogant in general. This is partly due to seeing just about nothing of Chris. The most we get is him leading Yanuya in this challenge, and even that’s mostly just polite coaching, rather than barking orders. If Chris wants ANY chance at a comeback, this is the attitude he needs to adopt.

There’s also the matter of who to send to Ghost Island, and for once, we actually get consensus. Evidently using the argument of “Minimize the number of people who could possibly have advantages.”, Naviti agrees to send Kellyn back to Ghost Island. I get why that type of argument would sway people, but why not send Chris based on that logic? Domenick hates him, and so taking him out of the tribe dynamic (not to mention missing the reward, as I doubt meat keeps very well unrefrigerated in the tropics) would be a nice revenge, and the logic still works. Ah well, at least it’s nice to see that it’s not ALWAYS drawing rocks.

Kellyn’s second return is not as heart-wrenching, but that may be due to the fact that the producers have sweetened the pot, lest Kellyn be cautious again. Now there are three bamboo chutes, with two containing advantages, thus giving her a 2/3 chance of getting something good, rather than losing a vote. Unlike last time, where there was debate to be had about what’s best for Kellyn, this time the answer is clear: Go for it! Last time, Kellyn was in a precarious situation on her tribe, and every vote mattered. This time, she’s in a solid majority, and with Mike’s idol, what she does on the next vote doesn’t really matter. Kellyn is smart enough to realize this, plays, and is rewarded with an extra vote. Continuing the weird Pokemon evolutionary lines we’ve seen this episode, evidently vote steals (the advantage Kellyn actually won, specifically the one that ousted Michaela on “Survivor Game Changers”) evolve into extra votes, since, you know, they’re written on. Kellyn is obviously happy, and I’m happy to see smart playing rewarded.

Speaking of rewards, Naviti can’t seem to enjoy theirs for even five minutes. Bradley and Donathan had ended the challenge on slightly bad terms, with Bradley yelling at Donathan about how he was moving, and Donathan mentioning in confessional that he felt disrespected. Despite Donathan getting a happy confessional back at camp, and everyone doing the much deserved celebrating, Bradley is impatient, and starts snapping at people to get a fire going. Everyone’s a bit shocked to be snapped out of their reverie, but see his point and get to work. Does Bradley stop there? Of course not! When Domenick tries to help build a platform for their grill, Bradley says it’s already done, eager for his steaks. Ok, even speaking as someone who’s not the most socially aware, how can you think this is ok? Hangry is one thing, but you’re actively taking people out of feeling good for getting your meal a couple of minutes sooner. The best that can be said for Bradley is that he at least realizes that he’s impatient and can come off as a dick (his words) at times, but does he ever do anything about it? Of course not! And this is why his exit later, while a poor move, will be satisfying.

The wheels are set in motion as pretty much everybody takes the time to complain about Bradley. This gives Donathan and Libby hope, since any name that’s not them is a good name to hear. It also helps keep Domenick and Chelsea’s options open, which is always a good thing. Privately, though, Domenick admits that he’s not sure getting rid of Bradley is a good idea just yet. Keep that thought in mind, Domenick. It shows you’re playing right.

Despite their lack of steak, Yanuya still finds time to celebrate. Any food is good food on “Survivor” (save perhaps fafaru from “Survivor Marquesas”), and kebabs are pretty high up there. Lest any member of Yanuya not see this as cause to celebrate, Wendell decides to give them one. It seems he has a girlfriend named Nicole (sorry, ladies, but it seems Wendell is taken), and today happens to be her birthday. I’m assuming he means that particular day on the island, since Wendell knowing in advance what day an episode would air would make him some sort of God, and while he’s good, he’s not THAT good. Still, they sing her “Happy Birthday”, and it’s a sweet moment.

Here, though, Wendell proves that he’s not just social game. Wisely waiting until everyone else is asleep, Wendell goes idol hunting himself. Like with Mike, I can’t really fault Wendell for doing this, but for different reasons. Unlike Mike, we’ve no indication that Wendell is on the bottom of his tribe. He and Chris have made up, and should Wendell not want Chris around, well, who do you think Jenna and Laurel would like to target? Yeah, I see no way Wendell leaves on this tribe. However, having an idol is still not inherently a bad thing (I’d argue it’s also not inherently a good thing, as it can make you a target, but that’s a whole other blog in and of itself), and Wendell does two things here to make it ok. One, he waits until everyone is asleep, and thus he will not be missed. Secondly, Wendell waits until AFTER he’s established firm social bonds before going hunting, thus meaning he misses less. Put another way, the big negatives of hunting for the idol are the stigma it puts on you, and the loss of social bonding time. Wendell has eliminated the first problem by being sneaky, and since he CLEARLY has no trouble bonding with people, the second issue is eliminated.

Knowing as all superfans do that hidden immunity idols can be found in suspicious looking trees, Wendell of course beelines for a tree wrapped in a bunch of vines. He does find a note, but it seems that Wendell will have to put in a bit more work than some other people in order to get an idol. He finds a map to an idol, that he Buffy-speak describes as sucking, but eventually manages to dig up what he was looking for. Further confusing the idea of “Ghost Island” evolution, it seems that the Micronesia individual immunity idol (ie, the one Erik gave to Natalie) has now evolved into a hidden immunity idol. Ok, has the definition of the word “hidden” changed? James’ idol was bad enough, but I have no idea how you sneak something as big as an immunity necklace anywhere. Really, this whole thing was done just to add another tally to the “Humiliate Erik Reichenbach” counter, wasn’t it. There’s a drinking game for you: Take a drink every time that clip of Erik giving up immunity is played. Still, good for Wendell, finding an idol.

Malolo, as you might expect, is a bit down in the dumps due to losing so much. Desi states that Malolo is possibly the losingest tribe in “Survivor” history. This is how you separate the casuals from the superfans. Desi, I won’t deny that Malolo’s in a bad situation, but you are nowhere NEAR the losingest tribe ever. We at least get some entertainment value out of it, though. Buying into the “curse” idea, Desi gets Mike and Angela to help her burn the Malolo flag, hopefully ending the curse. While nonsensical, it is kind of fun to see people take the theme idea and run with it in their own quirky ways, which is what happens here. What I don’t get, though, is why Malolo cut the ropes to their flag. Untying knots is a thing, guys, and even if you hate the flag, you could still use the rope for something. I doubt the rope is cursed.

Today’s immunity challenge today is a sucky as the reward challenge was great. Not content with doing repeats from previous seasons, now we’re getting repeat challenges from the SAME season. Seriously, this is just “Octopus’ Garden” again, aka “That challenge where James sucked and Donathan was awesome” from the first episode. Sure, they’re not EXACTLY the same, but the idea is the same. Run out, retrieve objects to be thrown, and throw said objects onto a target to win immunity. Siting out balls and a basket for hoops and rungs does not a new challenge make.

To be fair, though, this challenge at least has some mystery. Granted, I doubt Yanuya loses, since we’ve seen no strategy from them, and physical challenges like this work in their favor, but the other two are a toss-up. Both have had a bit of “strategy” talk (I’m counting Mike’s idol hunt as strategy, since it would have a significant impact on the outcome of the episode), and seem at least somewhat likely to lose. Plus, the producers remembered to show us all preview scenes BEFORE the challenge. Sure enough, Yanuya gets an early lead, and to satisfy the storyline, Malolo’s flag burning helps them scrape out a narrow victory. For all my kvetching, this is actually a pretty fun outcome. Nice job, guys.

Giving Bradley some credit, he DOES seem to make an attempt to be more social following the immunity challenge. He makes the decision of who to go for a conversation between himself, Donathan, and Domenick. I guess Chelsea doesn’t rate even in bland strategy conversations. Of course, one good moment does not undo the bad. Domenick and Chelsea are still upset at how Bradley’s been acting, and seriously consider ousting him. Definitely a tempting option, but Domenick in particular still has to consider whether it’s too soon. And as mentioned before the answer is YES! YES IT IS TOO SOON! Look, I’m not saying Bradley is easy to live with. I get the temptation, particularly given how huge the majority of the original Naviti currently is. But the fact is, despite the majority, original Naviti is fractured, largely due to the Chris/Domenick feud. Thus, both sides need all the allies they can get, and for Domenick in particular, Bradley has seemed nothing but an ally. Libby? The one time you tried to work with her, she burned you bad. Plus, you’re much more of a threat than Libby, thus meaning that, in the event of a merge, you’re likely to go before her. Granted, you’re probably more of a threat than Bradley as well, but Bradley’s annoyance at least makes a good screen to your own annoyance, and might make him a target before you as a result. Or, you know, take him to the end and watch him get zero votes. Either way works. While Chelsea doesn’t have as many of these points, being a bit player in the Chris/Domenick feud at best, the fact remains that the split affects her, and so she needs to be careful here as well.

Tribal Council does have a good bit of mystery about it. The smart move says Libby will go, but the editing says probably Bradley, the talk, while generic, well balances original tribe loyalty with needing to placate new allies, and the epic vote out music is just epic. Who will the epicness curse?

Turns out it’s Bradley, who does not go quietly into the night. It’s not a rant, but you can tell he’s pissed, muttering sarcastically into the darkness. You already know what I think strategically of this, but what about as a viewer? Yeah, still not happy. Granted, Bradley got what he deserved, and I wasn’t going to be too cut up about either his or Libby’s exits, but in terms of viewership? I think Libby has untapped potential, as I mentioned after the first tribe swap, but apart from that, she hasn’t really brought anything to the table. For all his annoyances, Bradley at least brought out frustration in other people, meaning he was more invested as a part of this season, and thus better for us viewers. Not sure I’d ever want to see him on the show again, but I’m glad he brought us what he brought us.

On the plus side, another great episode. Perhaps a bit advantage-heavy, but fun nonetheless and we got to see more dynamics develop. Plus, with the impending merge, we may FINALLY conclude the Chris/Domenick feud and move onto other storylines. On the minus side, this swap didn’t feel like it really had the chance to develop, and that’s a shame. Sure, with the legacy advantage in play, the merge probably HAD to happen at 13, but it still feels too soon. Not enough to detract from this already good season, but something. That said, I’ve been proven wrong many a time this season, so perhaps the merge will increase the awesomeness!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor HvHvH” Episode 11: Not-So-Loved Ones

You know, for all that I love it on a personal level when people realize that “Survivor” is a game and don’t take the moves TOO personally, a bitter vendetta can still make for good tv. This season has definitely found its legs, and is all the better for it.

Before we can talk about the good, though, it’s time for yet another edition of…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Yes, we had a twofer episode last time, so it seems only fitting that we have twofer missed talking points this time. First off, while I was quick to focus on the annoying aspects of Joe and Dr. Mike last episode, I failed to mention what was actually their shining moment. You see, Chrissy had kind of a bad day in there. Pretty standard stuff for being on “Survivor” for almost a month, but for once she’s not derided for emotion and left in the (figurative) cold. Instead, Dr. Mike and Joe go over to comfort her. They’re not annoying or pushy; they just genuinely seem to want to make her more comfortable in a time of need. That’s a lot of what makes me forgive them some of their annoyingness: it’s clear that it’s a put-on for the game. When push comes to shove, they live up to the “Healers” label, and actually try to do a good thing because it’s a good thing to do. It warms the cockles of my heart.

On a more mundane note, I forgot to mention that Ryan played his hidden immunity idol for himself at the second Tribal Council. Without the benefit of hindsight, there’s no way you can criticize this move. Ryan was clearly on the bottom, and people knew he had an idol, likely making him a target. Better to play things safe, since you’re not in on the “Boot Joe” plan.

Speaking of Tribal Council, this is where our episode begins. With a rendition of “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”. I’m talking, of course, about the reaction of the blindsided people. Dr. Mike is the good, congratulating the majority while asking a few questions about what happened. In confessional, Dr. Mike admits that this isn’t too good for him in the game, but remains optimistic that he can pull something off. I have to admit, for all that Dr. Mike doesn’t REALLY live up to his pre-season hype in my opinion, I still quite like the guy. True his self-deprecating humor is more cringe-worthy than anything (personally, I prefer Ryan’s humor, and think people greatly exaggerate how bad it is), but there’s an enthusiasm and optimism about him that I enjoy. No matter now bad things get, Dr. Mike doesn’t dissolve into despair, depression, and other words that begin with “d”. Instead, eh comes back doing what he can and swinging for the fences. Plus, as mentioned earlier, he seems like a genuinely nice guy when not playing the game.

In fairness to Ryan, his reaction isn’t really “Bad”, per se, and was mostly labeled that way to make the reference work. His reaction to people’s faces is similar to Dr. Mike’s and pulled off about as well. Where he falters is in confessional, as he’s more pessimistic about his and Chrissy’s chances. Can’t say I blame the guy, but still, I prefer Dr. Mike’s reaction.

What can be agreed on is that Chrissy really drops the ball here. As demonstrated after the first half of last episode, she REALLY doesn’t take being blindsided well, becoming confrontational and demanding answers from the representative of the majority. In this case that representative is Ben, who, I would just like to remind you, does NOT steamroller people. Instead, he just POLITELY interrupts Chrissy, calls her on her behavior, and effectively shuts down the conversation. Yeah, nothing steamroller-y about that whatsoever. And again, with Ben, the irony here is that he’s RIGHT. From what we’ve seen of Chrissy, she DOES get overly confrontational when she loses the vote, and can be a bit grouchy as a result. But that doesn’t make the way Ben brings it up good. Both of them swear vengeance, with Chrissy in particular noting that if there’s a chance to make Ben suffer, she’ll do it.

Shock of all shocks, such an opportunity immediately presents itself. Yes, it’s the loved one’s challenge, always a nice moment. We even get a couple of stand-outs here, which we haven’t in the past couple family visits. There’s the one’s you expect to be touching. Dr. Mike reunites with his wife, and they share a nice moment, and of course Ben gets to talk again about how his wife pulled him back from the brink post-tour-of-duty. But there’s a couple that, while not perhaps touching, are funny/sweet in their own way. Ryan gets a good moment with his dad, but it’s not the one you’d expect. True, it’s cute how both are big “Survivor” fans getting to share an experience, but at the end, when they go in for one last hug, Ryan plants a kiss on his dad’s cheek. In a society where guys are often picked on for showing affection via a HUG, let alone a kiss, it’s nice to see that Ryan is brave enough to go for it in a very public forum. A small moment, but one that really speaks to me. Stealing the show, though, is Lauren’s sister Sonny (apologies if I’m spelling that wrong, but we never actually get to see it spelled out), who comes out, arms spread wide for a hug… and walks right over to Probst, giving him the big squeeze before her sister. Making Probst uncomfortable? Check. Totally what I would do if I were a loved one on the show? Check. The story of how Lauren only applied at the urging of her sister is a nice one as well, but nothing beats that hug. Sonny is probably the most engaging loved one we’ve had in a while, and like her sister, I’m very glad she’s been put on this show.

Sadly, said touching moments are ruined by what I can only describe as THE WORST CHALLENGE IN THE HISTORY OF THE SHOW! Yes, I thought “Survivor” Bowling couldn’t be topped for its lameness, but evidently no, they found something even lazier. So there’s no obvious superstructure in the aerial view of the challenge. Ok, no big deal, maybe it’s just something they can’t see, like a jungle obstacle course. No, wait, they’re staying on the beach. Ok, a smaller scale challenge can work, if you make it something clever, like the “Get to know you” game from “Survivor The Amazon”. Oh, wait, they’re just trying to match marbles out of bags with their loved ones. But that’s so LAME! Sigh, ok, ok, they can still salvage this. Eliminate verbal communication, just have it be a “How well do you know what your partner will pick?” challenge, that can lead to some drama. No, wait, it’s entirely RANDOM! It eliminates any strategy, and skill, basically anything that would make the challenge fun to watch. Really, even calling this a “challenge” is a stretch. All this amounts to is which pair can get the equivalent of matching coin flips most often. La de FREAKING da. There’s no suspense, no fun, and most everyone is eliminated IN ONE GO! Where’s the good stuff.

Literally the ONLY redeeming factor in this is the payoff to Chrissy’s declaration from earlier. Only Chrissy and Ben survive the first round of elimination, with Chrissy and her husband winning, thereby depriving Ben of the chance to be with his wife more. Of course, we have to cut again and again to Ben’s tear-filled eyes just to drive home this point. Not that I don’t understand where Chrissy is coming from, and grudge aside, Ben’s wife would still not be a good person to let come on the reward, but it gets a bit heavy-handed, and is too easily noticed. As to whom Chrissy picks to take on the picnic with her, she first brings along Ryan and his father. Logical choice. Ryan’s her only close ally at this point, can help you talk strategy, and it would look suspicious not to take him. Her second pick goes to Dr. Mike and his wife, which again makes sense. True, Dr. Mike and Ryan kind of mutually burned their bridges, but you need allies, and in this case, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. But Probst has to give her one more, and of course Chrissy doesn’t want to give it to any one of them. Ultimately, she picks Ashley, which again, I can’t really fault as a choice. As Chrissy will note shortly, Ashley has the weakest resume of the new core four, and so is the most likely to want to flip for herself, and therefore the best to bring along strategy-wise. Personally, I would have liked to have seen more of Sonny and Lauren, and so wish they were picked, but I can hardly fault Chrissy for making the strategic move here.

It isn’t long before the subject of ousting Ben is brought up to Ashley, who seems at least open to the idea, as well she should be. While I don’t push the idea of “resume building” quite as hard as some on the show, I can’t argue that you need SOMETHING to argue at the end. That something can be as simple as an immunity win, but something nonetheless. Plus, for all the talk that Ben’s steamrolling people, he is a bit of a charmer (yes, I have a theory on that. It will come up later in the blog), and as Chrissy points out, has the sort of story a jury will eat up, thanks to his years in the armed forces. He’s definitely a worthy target for elimination.

Ben won’t make it that easy, though. Realizing that with Ryan’s idol played, a new one is likely to come out, Ben sets about making a fake one. This is actually a good plan, helped by the fact that Ben makes a mean fake-idol. Not quite Bob Crowley (“Survivor Gabon”) levels, but damn close. Planting a fake idol serves two purposes. Should Ben and his allies find the real idol, planting a fake will hide the fact that they have the idol, therefore making its play harder to predict. It will also stop the minority from idol hunting without anything to fear, thus making the game stress free. Being the polite, sportsman like sort he is, Ben states that he hopes that Chrissy finds it and plays it, so that she can be humiliated upon leaving, a la Randy Bailey (also “Survivor Gabon”). Lauren chastises him in confessional for putting emotion ahead of strategy, and this vendetta doesn’t leave Ben looking too good, but there is strategy behind it, so I say Lauren’s selling him short here.

Speaking of Lauren, she finds an idol under a log. Or, at least, half an idol. Combining your traditional hidden immunity idol with your challenge idol, Lauren finds an OFFICIAL “Hidden Immunity Idol String” (trademark), but has to combine it with the OFFICIAL “Hidden Immunity Idol Sea Shell” (trademark), or else it’s worthless. This is actually a good twist on an idea I’ve heard kicked around for quite a while: Have an idol split in half, so that you need both halves for one idol. The flaw in this idea, which I completely agree with, is that one person could just basically force there to be no idols in the game by refusing to proverbially play ball. While some might find it a relief, it would also, I feel, make the game more predictable, and thus worse. Here, however, we have a good spin on the twist. Rather than two people having half an idol, one half is a camp, while the other half is at the next immunity challenge, and so Lauren will have to surreptitiously pick it up to have an idol. Hiding idols at challenges has worked well in the past, and while not earth-shattering, this is an intriguing take on this old twist that I can get behind.

You may remember our immunity challenge today from “Survivor Kaoh Rong”. It was the challenge where Aubry Bracco proved how much of a badass she was (yes, the Aubry Lobby is still alive and well). No, it was not a spitting competition with Kyle Jason. Instead, people hold up disks with their fingertips against other disks. Last person left standing wins. This is your pretty standard endurance challenge, and while I cracked fun at the pots in the original iteration, I have to admit they were better than wind chimes. Even Probst’s commentary here doesn’t make sense, talking about how you WANT to hear them chime. Um, Probst, wouldn’t them crashing to the ground produce quite a LOUD chime?

Also, Lauren’s seashell is there in front of her. In case picking up a seashell from a beach was too suspicious, Lauren’s station happens to be at the far end of the line, with the shell on the opposite side of Lauren from everyone else. But just in case even THAT was too difficult for Lauren, Ben sets a precedent where you sit at your station after dropping, thus giving Lauren ample opportunity to pick up the shell. Way to kill the tension, there, show. We don’t even get all that interesting a showdown in the challenge itself. It at first looks like Dr. Mike might get his immunity win, but out of seemingly nowhere, he drops, leaving it down to Devon and Ashley. The pair are cocky enough to make a deal in front of everyone, since all their targets are out, and Devon lets Ashley win in exchange for a massage. And from this display of cockiness alone, one can now safely bet that Chrissy, Ryan, and Dr. Mike are safe.

The show does at least give a token effort of convincing us otherwise, though. The core four initially agree that Chrissy should go, which makes perfect sense. Of those left, she’s the biggest challenge threat, and I’d argue the smartest strategically. But given that the threesome on the outs are all superfans, they’re not about to go down that easily. Playing on their earlier conversation with Ashley, Ben’s name is again floated out, and again given consideration. It seems like it’s not being taken as too serious of an option, but Devon, Ashley, and Lauren are at least weighing out the pros and cons. Unfortunately for them, a very paranoid Ben happens upon them at the well at this moment, and rightly freaks out. Hey, if a conversation suddenly stops when you enter on “Survivor”, you’ve every right to be suspicious. Unfortunately for Ben, this is where steamrolling comes back to bite him in the ass. He talks up Lauren’s idol and advantage as threats, and tries to swing the other three against Lauren. As a side note, see how GREAT of an idea it was to share the knowledge of your advantage, Lauren? Granted, Dr. Mike at least would have known about it because of your lie last episode, but still, information you didn’t need to share is now being used against you. I rest my case. As to Ben’s pitch, Dr. Mike and Ryan seem up for it. Not that they’ve exactly got options, but they’re enthused nonetheless. Chrissy, however, is a harder sell, initially not even wanting to TALK with Ben, at the same time talking about voting out Ben with Devon. A heartfelt apology from Ben does seem to soften her up a bit, but ultimately the grudge seems to run too deep.

Now, this puts the three in a tricky spot. Ben’s running scared and likely to play his idol, but if Ashley, Devon, and Lauren go for Chrissy they’re still likely sunk. This is where Dr. Mike gets his brilliant move of the evening. Rather than just try to pitch Ben as a jury threat, he notes to Lauren all the dirt Ben spilled on her, and how he’s targeting her. Not only does this show Dr. Mike’s earlier alliance with Lauren bearing fruit, but it’s also a good bit of strategy. Time and again, Lauren has demonstrated that she’s motivated by self-preservation. Sure enough, she swings the vote around so that now it’s a mystery as where it will be Lauren going 4-3, or Ben going 6-1. Both have an idol, and Lauren has her advantage, making things all the more exciting. Certainly better than anyone vs. Chrissy for the boot, in terms of mystery. And, just like that, the minority have the power. A few simple words to the right people, and everything changes. Man, I love this show.

As to which person should go home from a strategic point of view, the correct answer is Ben, for being more of a social jury threat. Now, given that Ben, as has been mentioned, proverbially steamrollers people, and Lauren is a darling of the fans with a solid resume, this seems counter-intuitive, but hear me out on this. Yes, Ben is rubbing a couple of people (Chrissy and Ashley in particular) the wrong way, but he’s still got a lot of friends. Note the jury members tonight complimenting his moves at Tribal Council. Also note their alliance narratives. Time and again, Ben has found himself the swing vote in the middle, the mark of someone who, while occasionally abrasive, can get along with a lot of people. Contrast with Lauren’s narrative, which so often centers around how she doesn’t fit in. True, the fact that she’s a great strategic player DESPITE this is a fantastic narrative, but it implies that Lauren has difficulty making the connections needed to win over a jury. Thus, Ben is the more worrisome, and should probably be the target tonight. Plus, to help cement her trust, Lauren lets Dr. Mike hold onto one half of her idol. I’m sure this move will be criticized somewhat, as Lauren makes herself vulnerable this way, but when you’ve got sides as a toss-up, and Dr. Mike looking for any solid ally, it could be the relatively meaningless gesture needed to win people over.

As one would expect, Tribal Council is a wonderful hectic mess. When you’ve got steamroller Ben against straight-talk Lauren, there’s going to be fireworks. The two go at it right out of the gate, with things quickly devolving into chaos. For once the term “Live Tribal” is aptly used, as Ryan, Dr. Mike, and Chrissy use the cover of chaos to debate who to vote for. Unfortunately, this does ruin the mystery a little bit, as Ryan and Dr. Mike initially agree to “stick with” Lauren, an idea further cemented when Dr. Mike takes the trust Lauren put in him earlier, and literally throws it in the fire, in the form of one half of the idol. Not sure why Lauren didn’t pick it out with a couple of sticks or something, but maybe Probst wouldn’t have it. Point being, you don’t screw someone over like that if you want to ally with them. Thankfully, Devon comes over to strategize as well (which I have to say was brave of him, since he was on the complete opposite side of Tribal Council from them), advocating for the ouster of Ben. With Lauren’s advantages all out in the open, and cited as the major reason for not trusting her, she seems doomed. However, this DOES lead to a hilarious situation wherein Lauren tries DESPERATELY to divest herself of all advantages, leading to an equally hilarious moment where Chrissy, Ryan, and Dr. Mike all volunteer to take them off her hands. Probst comments on how people almost seem to not want advantages this season, which kind of makes sense. After all, advantages complicate the game, making it harder for the strategists to win, since more luck becomes involved, and there are more variables to factor in. However, while unmentioned, it also leads to a prisoner’s dilemma situation. After all, while it might be OVERALL beneficial to have a simpler game, if you have an advantage and your opponents don’t, it’s, well, an advantage, one that’s hard to overlook. Ultimately, this leads to EVERYONE wanting advantages, thereby making things harder.

In the end, thankfully, everyone plays as smartly as possible, save for Lauren not using her extra vote to remove the stigma for some reason. Ben does get the votes, but also plays his idol (having worn his fake around his neck), which negates six votes. Not quite the Kelley Wentworth record from “Survivor Cambodia”, but impressive nonetheless. This means Lauren goes home, and you can bet I’m disappointed. Deadpan snark coupled with a good strategic mind. I really like Lauren, and hope she comes back in the future. Being down about her departure won’t stop me from celebrating, though. You see, it’s time for another…

TOP 5 and… TOP 5?

Yes, it’s time to talk about the good of “Survivor” again, but given today’s subject matter, I can’t really talk about the bad. I’ve talked about family visits in the past, but haven’t actually commented on the family themselves. We only get a brief glimpse (usually) of the loved ones of our favorite players, but even in that short time they can make an impact. I’d like to talk about my favorite ones today, and I will. However, since the worst ones are boring and generic with nothing to distinguish them (apart from, you know, their names), I won’t be doing a “Bottom 5” list, effectively making this a list of the top 10 loved ones from “Survivor” with no honorable mention. A couple of rules. First, the person has to have come out to location. They do not have to have come on a reward trip with their loved one, but they need to physically show up. Appearing via video does not count. And second, this has to be a special visit. The loved one being a second on a “Blood vs. Water” season DOES NOT COUNT. With that said, let’s get started.

10. Cochran’s Dad (“Survivor Caramoan”): Ok, my PLAN was to look up the names of the couple of people whose names I couldn’t remember, but the internet as failed me on the very first one, so screw it, if I don’t know their name, I’m describing their relationship to the contestant. Cochran’s dad is one of the more talked about loved ones in recent history, due to grilling with shades on, hilariously narrated by Cochran. This one’s already been given a thorough analysis, so I feel no need to dwell on it too much, just to note his presence as being rather funny.
9. Eliza’s Mom (“Survivor Vanuatu”): A more underplayed example of a one-scene wonder, but Eliza’s mom really speaks to me. Not as much as her daughter speaks to everyone (by her own admission, she talks too much), but enough. Eliza’s mom at first seems like your average, soft-spoken mother, but has a nice edge, giving her daughter the literal shirt off of her back to wear on cold nights, meaning she leaves in nothing but her bra. For some reason, that scene just really resonates with me, moving Eliza’s mom from your average mother type to someone to get behind and hang around with.

8. Laura Boneham (“Survivor All-Stars”): You’d expect this one to be on here for the humor of how over the top Rupert goes in kissing her hello in her first appearance. And you’d be right, to a degree. But I also find this one really heartwarming, if slightly gross. After all, that’s bold, unconditional love right there on screen. It’s a powerful thing. Brings a tear to my eye.

7. Adam’s Brother (“Survivor Millennials vs. Gen-X”): Yeah, you all knew this was coming. Apart from the theme in the title, a lot of this season centered around the tragedy of Adam’s mother’s health, and rarely was it more emphasized than with a visit from someone from the front lines. Tears abound, and I may have snarked about it at the time, but it really was nice for Adam to get the chance to hear the news from home, and see the brothers comforting each other in a time of mutual need. Another heartwarming moment for the list, marred only by the fact that everyone could tell it was coming.

6. Mr. Kass (“Survivor Cagayan”): As an avowed fan of Kass, there’s no way I don’t put the man who married her on this list. Mr. Kass seems like a great guy through and through, loving and supportive of a… let’s say controversial character on the season. What puts him on the list, though, is his contribution to one of the all-time great “Survivor” moments. His constant cheering for his wife, despite her falling INCREDIBLY behind in the immunity challenge, helped lead to a comeback victory from her. That victory alone is still one of my all-time favorite moments on the show, and for him to play such a big part in it, he DESERVES his spot on this list.

5. Sonny Rimmer (“Survivor Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers”): Yeah, she’s won me over. While we’ve kind of moved into the “heartfelt” section of the list, her humor has won me over. Just her understated joy at being there, coupled with the fake-out Probst hug, makes her a classic, much like her sister.

4. Courtney’s Dad (“Survivor China”): I’m normally not a big fan of anything to do with Courtney Yates, but I feel like her dad is an underrated gem of a contestant. For one thing, he’s got a thick British accent. That alone makes him stand out from your usual loved ones, but he takes it a step further. Everyone gives him a hard time for wearing “trousers” in sweltering heat. Not only does he take this humor in stride, he turns it back on everyone, playing up his Britishness and how he “can’t do shorts.” Something about that quintessentially British humor just appeals to me, and as something not often seen on the show, is distinctive and memorable, thus earning his spot on this list.

3. James’ Dad (“Survivor Micronesia”): Sometimes all it takes is one line to make a legend, but James’ dad manages to do just that. Like James, he says very little, but what he comes up with is usually quite biting. Case in point, he’s watching his son compete in a challenge where getting questions right allows you to whack a rope with a person’s name. Once all the ropes are whacked, an effigy of you gets smashed. However, when James takes at hit, his dad doesn’t let it slide. That one muttered line “Wait until we get home. We’ll talk about her.”, said completely seriously, is just about the height of comedy, and why James’ dad is arguably thought of more fondly these days than James.

2. Patrick Vavrick-O’Brien (“Survivor Marquesas”): With rare exception, while a visit from loved ones can be fun, they don’t impact the game very much. Patrick is one of those rare exceptions. Not for any sort of twist or anything, but for highlighting an ongoing plot of the season. One of the best features of “Survivor Marquesas”) is seeing Kathy grow and change as a player. This growth is highlighted a couple of times throughout the season, but Patrick having not seen his mom gradually change, throws this change into the light, and makes for an impactful visit.

1. H.B. (“Survivor Exile Island”): Most entries on this list are either really funny or really heartwarming. H.B. combines the best of both. Like Patrick, he highlights the growth of a contestant, in this case Cirie, by his contrast in being there. What puts H.B. over Patrick, though, is just how funny the guy is. Patricks good, don’t get me wrong, but H.B.’s confessional complaining about being made to do chores, especially from such a strong-looking guy, is comedy gold! For being the best of both worlds, H.B. is clearly the man.

As I said at the top of this blog, this season seems to be finally finding its legs. Great drama, smart playing from all concerned, it was just a fun episode. It still may be too little too late, but the momentum is picking up, at least.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor MGX” Episode 2: Long-Lost Sibling

I’m normally not one to advocate for the “First Two Episodes Crammed in a Two-Hour Block” format for starting “Survivor”. With some exceptions, neither episode really feels like it has a chance to stand on its own, the impact of the first vote is lessened, and it rarely does either half justice. For once, though, I think “Survivor” did itself a disservice by not following this format. Nearly all my criticisms of the previous episode disappear in the events of this episode. Not seeing the inner workings of the Takali alliances? Not a problem anymore. Not getting much from the Vanua tribe in terms of strategy? Out the window! Having to hear annoying confessionals about what it means to be a “Millennial” or a “Gen-X’er”?… Well, two out of three still isn’t bad.

What made this episode better? For once it doesn’t start at the beginning, though we do get a bit more insight into the pecking order of Takali. We knew that David, Ken, and CeCe (plus the now-evicted Rachel) were on the outs, but apart from David and Rachel, we didn’t know why. Chris is kind enough to inform us that CeCe is a bit aloof, helping to alleviate some of the confusion, and Ken’s info will come later. For now, be content that it comes at all. The tribe has trouble making fire, so David, in “Generic Gen-X Confessional Number 25”, talks about his “stick-to-it-iveness” and eventually makes fire. This earns him jack-diddley-squat from his tribemates, so David is forced to take other measures, namely continuing to look for an idol. Say what you will about David, but the man is aware of his mistakes and works to correct them. Except with sticks. He’s still trying to break the damn sticks.

No, what I mean is that David is both aware that he’s still on the bottom, and that blatant idol hunting helped get him there. So, David switches to the smarter strategy of combining idol hunting with chores. He sets off to fetch rocks (flashbacks to “Shane’s Thinking Seat” from “Survivor Exile Island” spring to mind), and uses that time to check likely looking trees for idols. This time, however, the idol is not IN the trees, but OF the trees. During his search, we zoom in on what appears to be a coconut with a face painted on it (my tv is kind of small, so it might have been a tribe symbol). This does not, in fact, mean that Yau-Man Chan (“Survivor Fiji”) has re-entered the game, found an idol, and hidden a fake one, but that the idol is in said coconut. I actually really like this change. It’s a different hiding place from what we usually see, and it throws people off of their game by not being what they’re looking for. Plus, I like the idea of someone not noticing the symbol, bringing it back to camp, and then breaking open what they think is a meal only for it to be an idol instead.

The dodo music actually does a good job of convincing us that David is going to miss the idol literally in front of his nose, but the man ultimately finds it, and scampers off before Chris can show up to give him another lecture on manhood. David eventually cracks the coconut, and reads just enough of the rules of the idol to verify that it is legitimate. Watch this be a season where the idol rules have changed, and David gets screwed by not reading them. We get our usual triumphant music, gloating confessional from David, and head to our abbreviated introduction and commercial.

Actually, I will say that if the abbreviated introduction HAS to be a thing, I like how they did it here. Bleeding in the music at a triumphant moment is different, yet somehow appropriate.

We head over to the action at Vanua, and I do mean “Action” in this case. Yes, what started out as simple flirtation between Taylor and Figgy has now devolved into full-blown romance. And yes, it IS just as cliched and teeth-gratingly annoying as the OTHER “Survivor” romances. Figgy in particular loses points with me in this scene. She’d earlier claimed that she was playing the flirt card intentionally, which I could have a least a modicum of respect for, but her heart is sapping away all of her brain cells, and it doesn’t look good on her. To her credit, though, I have to agree that those baby blues on Taylor would be hard to resist.

Naturally, an obvious coupling like this leads to the standard “Couples never last/couples are a threat” confessionals from a number of people, and while they’re standard, I can’t deny that there’s truth in what they say, at least in regards to the second half of said confessionals. Couples are a threat. It’s a tight alliance that puts logic in the backseat, always a danger in a strategy game. Plus, there’s been a number of tight pairs that have run the game all the way. Cochran and Dawn on “Survivor Caramoan” come to mind, and if you want to get REALLY recent, you could even argue that Aubry and Tai on “Survivor Kaoh Rong” could qualify. And, if we’re only talking romantic couples, remember Boston Rob and Amber running “Survivor All-Stars” virtually unopposed. Hell, they even disprove the first half of that confessional, since they are still married to this day.

In a nice twist, though, some of the couples criticism comes from inside the alliance, with Jay noting the points listed above. At first, I’m tempted to be charitable with Jay and say that it’s all strategic thinking with him, but then his rant about couples devolves into some sort of story about men with boyfriends bailing on your bowling night, and it becomes clear that Jay has a few “issues” in this area. He tries to talk Taylor out of the coupling, but Taylor assures Jay that he’s “Got it covered.” most likely meaning that Taylor does not, in fact, have it covered.

Back at Takali, we now get the promised explanation for why Ken was left out of the alliance. It seems that the guy is a bit of a loner, which we probably should have expected from him given the whole “lived five years alone in the jungle” thing. Point being, he’s not that good socially, and while he doesn’t make a fool of himself like David, the pair do bond over their shared awkwardness, though in different ways. Thus, when David tries to use his idol to form an anti-Paul coalition, Ken is the first one he turns to. Ken is right on board with this, and I have to give credit, it’s a good use of idol. I’m normally one to advocate for the Kelley Wentworth (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”) style of idol play, but in David’s case, the guy needs all the help he can get. He’s clearly the next target, and unless you can find that idol every single time, you’re going to need to form an alliance. If an idol will help you do that, then by all means, spread the news. The pair agree to draw in CeCe and target Paul. The CeCe thing makes a lot of sense, but in terms of gunning for Paul, I feel like it’s a poor choice, at least from a “biggest threat” standpoint. This is sort of like Malcolm and the Three Amigo’s targeting Phillip Sheppard (“Survivor Redemption Island”) with their “Three Idol Play” on “Survivor Caramoan”. Yes, he’s annoying, and OSTENSIBLY he’s the head of the alliance, but in actuality, there’s a power behind the throne. Paul, though nowhere NEAR as annoying as Phillip, is in this category. If we’re talking in terms of what move can REALISTICALLY be pulled off, though, it makes a lot more sense. David, Ken, and CeCe make a threesome, so you need to pull in two more people. Chris and Bret have been averse to strategy talk thus far, but subtly done, I think they could be swayed. Have Ken (who seems to be in their best graces, and his style of patter doesn’t obviously scream “strategizing”), put it in their heads that Paul’s grabbing a lot of power that he doesn’t deserve. Chris and Bret seem like the power behind the throne, so they’d probably take umbrage at that and swing to vote off Paul. Then, use the irritation that Sunday, Lucy, and Jessica feel at the betrayal to swing the game on Chris and Bret. BAM! Power.

Also, Ken catches an octopus and names it “Octopus Prime”. Let it never be said that Takali has no sense of humor.

For a little variety, we head back to Vanua, to find that Hannah, so often compared to our beloved Aubry, is really pulling more of a circa “Survivor South Pacific” Cochran here, as she struggles to open a coconut. Mari takes this time to give us one of the LEAST forced confessionals about being a Millennial thus far, pointing out how REAL the game is outside of a screen. Mind you, it’s still forced, but it’s better than what we’ve been getting, and makes a bit more sense. But enough of that, back to the romance stuff! Taylor and Zeke forcefully tie the romance into being a millennial (of course they do), and we head over to midnight make-out session. Now, unlike most of the “Survivor” fan community, I’m not a huge fan of Cirie (“Survivor Exile Island”). She’s grown on me more as time’s gone by, but even after the dying down of my Terry-fanboying allowed me to look at her more objectively, I still don’t like her condescending attitude, and sense of entitlement when she’s in power. This episode, however, I wish she was back on the show, if only so that we could have a confessional about the imminent arrival of “Figlets”. Instead, we have to settle for the comedic stylings of Michaela, who limits her snark to saying that their kissing is “gross”. Sorry, Will, but your record has been usurped. Clearly we’ve got ourselves a first-grader on “Survivor”. Somehow.

Actually, to be totally honest, I get where Michaela is coming from. After five days of not showering or brushing one’s teeth, people would be pretty gross. I just couldn’t resist the cheap shot.

Next morning. Michaela makes sure to spread the news of the make-out session the night before, just in case people couldn’t hear the loud vacuuming sounds from one end of the shelter. She stops just short of singing “Taylor and Figgy/sitting in a tree!/K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”, instead limiting her remarks to a cheap joke about not wanting to hit Michelle in the head with the machete. Again, jokes aside, I do get the spreading of the kissing thing. Couples, even non-romantic ones, are dangerous on “Survivor”, and the more people know about their existence, the less dangerous they are. Figgy gets really worked up over this for some reason, and I get the feeling that’s going to come back to bite her.

Heading over to Takali, to reassure us that the talk about Paul being annoying was more than just talk, we get a brief scene of Paul barking orders at his tribe. Again, we’re nowhere NEAR Phillip Sheppard levels yet, but the potential is there. Ken talks to CeCe, trying to get her on board the Anti-Paul train, which she agrees to with no comment. Not much to talk about, but given David’s persuasive skills thus far, probably good to let Ken do the talking. Now, however, it’s time for our advertised medical emergency. Sure enough, given the “heart attack” talk we heard earlier, it’s the most obviously overweight and old guy who ends up getting the blow. His tribe does everything they can for him, forcing the producers to call an audible and get Dr. Joe, the chopper, and even Probst in on the action. After a commercial break of concern, though, we find that Paul has just a bit of heat exhaustion, and will probably be fine with some water in him, kindly supplied by his tribe. Ok, they did a good job here of hiding the fact that Paul would be ok. The lack of advertising of a medevac pre-season, coupled with our seeing a challenge that hasn’t happened yet, should really have let on that he would be ok. But I, at least, was fooled. Good job.

I have to admit, there was ONE thing the first episode did better than this one: the challenge. We’ve got a combo-rehash for our challenge today. Basically, one at a time, five tribe members swim out to a platform, where they must jump off and grab a key. Once all five keys are obtained, tribe members can open a box containing a mask, which they can use to help dive down to untie five rings to toss. Once all the rings are obtained, one tribe member must toss them each on a separate pole, with the first one to get all their rings on wins immunity. This one is pretty much pure “Survivor Cook Islands”, though the ring toss comes courtesy of “Survivor Caramoan”. About the only positive it has is the current. It’s hard to judge the strength of a current in the ocean by watching it on tv, but for the most part, the currents seen on “Survivor” look pretty mild, at least in terms of shaking the platforms. This time, though, there’s no doubt that these are ROUGH ones. Usually the platforms in the water are akin to solid ground. This time they’re akin to ground in an earthquake.

This challenge doesn’t even have mystery about the outcome going for it. True, we do get some good back and forth, but let’s think for a minute: which tribe has had more strategy talk overall, and which has been more complex? The answer to both is obviously Takali, naturally meaning that they’ll be headed back to Tribal Council. Yep, there’s Jeff Probst handing off the idol to… Takali.

Ok, I’ll admit that they got me again (won’t be the last time that happens this episode), but unlike other times where I enjoy getting the wool pulled over my eyes, this one feels a bit like a betrayal. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a great surprise, and I like it overall. But with all that buildup at Takali, and comparatively little at Vanua, the victory feels like we were cheated out of what we were promised. Granted, what we see shortly at Vanua will help make up for that, but it’s frustrating to say the least.

Back at Vanua, we rehash the Figgy targeting, though it does give us a clearer idea of the alliance. We had the idea that Mari and Hannah were kind of leading the charge, and when we see that pair, Zeke, and Adam coming together to make the call, it’s clear who the power is with. We see them bring in Michaela and Will, presumably as numbers five and six, though they do a good job of not indicating that the pair are five and six, and all seems locked. Even Jay, who doesn’t want to vote out Figgy, since it would ruin his game, is despairing. Fortunately for him, his alliance has at least ONE competent person in its ranks, and that person is Michelle.

Yes, pretty much out of NOWHERE, Michelle is suddenly this powerhouse strategist. I’m ECSTATIC at this turn of events. This could have been another “Bro Down” situation, like I discussed last time, but some of the players in this minority alliance actually seem competent. Michelle (with help from Jay, admittedly, but it’s primarily her move), starts to get things moving and shaking. She correctly targets Will and Michaela as the swing votes, and tries to get them against Mari, correctly seeing her as the power in the alliance. Both, however, have their struggles. Will is uncertain that a move against Mari is a good idea at this point, and I have to agree with him. While Mari is DEFINITELY a threat overall, couples are a threat also. With someone like Mari, you can lull her into a false sense of security and get her out later. Plus, you can guarantee she’ll play logically. I cannot stress ENOUGH how, if you’re playing a strategic game, you want to keep in the most logical players possible. You can predict what a logical player will do, with at least reasonable accuracy. When strong emotions like love enter the fray, all bets are off. Again, definitely keep an eye on Mari, but she can be taken out later. Break up that couple while you have the number to do so. Michaela presents a different challenge. she’s more open to strategizing (so far, she seems to be following the Sandra Diaz-Twine doctrine of “As long as it isn’t me.”), but that spat between her and Figgy is causing problems. Jay comes in to mediate, and to help things along, fabricates a semi-plausible lie about Mari telling him that Michaela was next after getting rid of Figgy, due to being an “easy vote”. Michaela doesn’t bite right away, but does consider the possibility, which at this phase of the game is the correct reaction.

Tribal Council is much improved, with a lot more fun moments worth commenting on. Probst mentioned this in pre-game interviews, and for once it wasn’t exaggeration. There really WAS a marked difference between the attitudes of the two teams. Takali, while having superfans of its own, didn’t seem as interested in the strategic part of the game, and came in somber and serious. Vanua, meanwhile, is pretty much EXCLUSIVELY superfans, and has a fun, bright atmosphere. As we’ll see, that atmosphere hides a dark and twisted underbelly, but the atmosphere is there nonetheless. And you know what else this scene does? It highlights the generation gap WITHOUT BEING IN YOUR FACE ABOUT IT! Take note, future episodes. There’s evidence here that the twist can be done right, WITHOUT needing to shove it down our throats. If you want me to stop being so harsh on this twist, follow this pattern.

Our real story, though, comes at the other end of Tribal Council. The seating arrangement Gods have aligned, and Hannah is now at the far end, with Jay behind her and Michelle on her right. For the “Triforce Alliance” (as the Bros wish to be called), this could not be a better spot. Due to Michaela and Will being wishy-washy on their votes, you need to swing someone else. With this seating arrangement, you isolate another swing vote, and get your two strongest advocates whispering in her ear. For once, Probst doesn’t feel the need to narrate this conversation, distracted by Adam and Zeke’s fanboying. While I’m nicer about Probst needing to narrate things than other fans (it leads to some hilarity, and in a lot of cases I feel actually ADDS to the experience), it did make an interesting change of pace, and again highlighted the strategic thinking of Michelle and Jay. The pair’s argument? Not so much. They clue Hannah into the fact that they’re voting Mari, and that’s fair enough. The trouble, however, is that Hannah wants some REASONING behind why to vote for Mari. A fair question. So, what half-cocked lie can Michelle and Jay come up with to get Hannah to make a move that is blatantly against her own self-interest?

“We’ll tell you later.”

Not even some half-baked story to try and justify your lobbying. Spoiling what will happen in a few minutes, I’m AMAZED this worked.

Probst finally catches on that there’s a conversation going on without his input, and we talk about that for a bit before we head to the vote. Right beforehand, though, Mari makes a comment that, while seemingly fluff, I think is important to the result of this episode. I’ll explain the importance later, but the substance of what she says is that Hannah was “Probably talking about puppies or something.”

Even our voting provides some funny moments, with Hannah putting in an early bid for the “Eliza Orlins Agonized Vote Award”, hemming and hawing over what to do to such lengths that even Probst feels the need to look in on it. Also, while I still maintain that Hannah overall is more like Cochran 1.0 than like Aubry, given Aubry’s crossed-out vote debacle, I have to say that I see the similarities there. Still, I maintain that the Cochran comparison is the better one. While Aubry often projected being overwhelmed and somewhat confused, she wasn’t taken for a fool easily. I feel like that was more Cochran’s early schtick: being in over his head and not really knowing where to go. That is what I see from Hannah here.

In the end, though, despite what logic would say (but as the editing indicated), Mari is sent packing, and by a good margin. Only Zeke and Adam stayed true to her, meaning that of the original dominant six (Zeke, Adam, Will, Hannah, Mari, and Michaela), only Zeke and Adam voted in their own self-interest. Again, Mari is definitely a threat for down the road, but that threesome, and by extension the coupling, really needs to be broken up first.

Now, Mari ALMOST falls into the category of “unearned exit” as we really didn’t get anything to indicate her leaving, or any reason for it, until after the immunity challenge. However, what evidence we DID get, and what strategizing we saw, is enough to save this one. So, if Figgy was obviously the better move (something most swing votes ACKNOWLEDGED this episode), what got Mari? Partly is was the salesmanship of Michelle and Jay (on an argument that weak, salesmanship is about the ONLY thing that can pull it through), but I get the feeling that Mari wasn’t as nice as she was made out to be. She was built up a lot early on as exemplifying the “Millennial Ideal”, and was a good narrator, which is probably why we missed out on some of her harsher moments, but that last comment at Tribal Council struck a nerve with me. It came across as very condescending, and if Mari acted like that more than once, and Figgy was quiet apart from the snogging, I think people might have been disposed to go after Mari. Is what we got sufficient to justify her exit? Yes, but a little bit more justification would have been nice. Again, going back to the “Combine this and Episode 1” argument I made in the beginning, you could have cut out some of the fluff in the first episode and given us time to see why Mari might NOT be as well liked as was indicated.

But, c’est la vie. For what we got, it was interesting strategy that made for a great and unpredictable episode. I’m truly sorry to see Mari go, as she did bring a lot to the table, but I think I feel about this like other people felt about the exit of Anna Khait on “Survivor Kaoh Rong”: Yeah, she had potential, but for the strategy of her exit, and what she ACTUALLY brought, we’ll let it slide.

I will say again: this episode was GREAT! Not without its flaws, but we ended up getting a clearer picture of both sides of the show, some good surprises, and even a non-annoying “What it means to be this generation” moment. Had these two episodes been combined, things probably would have been fine. But let us hope this is merely an indicator of things to come.

Also, Gen X winning is probably making Carl Bilancione (“Survivor Africa”) toss in his sleep.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Cambodia” Episode 11: Gender Identity

If any of my readers are wondering why I, and many others on the internet, are calling this one of the best seasons of all time, you need look no further than this episode. Oh, it is by no means a great episode. In fact, it has all the hallmarks of a bad episode. Lackluster challenges, little to no strategizing, and a predictable boot. By all rights, this should be a terrible episode, the worst a season can produce. And yes, I’d say this was the weakest episode of this season as a whole thus far. And yet… I can’t hate it. For whatever reason, this season has succeeded at injecting such tension, such drama, that even the most predictable of episodes becomes exciting. How you may ask? An Oedipus Complex. Oh, sorry, that’s me pulling from a “Cards Against Humanity” Deck. The answer probably lies somewhere in the episode. Let’s look at it, shall we?

Our episode kicks off the morning after the regrettable Stephen Fishbach ouster, which Spencer takes credit for, though the way I saw it, that was more Joe’s move. True, Spencer was the swing vote that allowed it to happen, but I prefer to give credit for a move to the person who came up with the ove rather than the person who executed it. In any case, Spencer seems to have recovered from his temporary head trauma that led him to believe that Stephen was a bigger threat than Joe, as he now makes good with Jeremy, and wants Joe out of this game again. Jeremy is naturally a little suspicious, but since he has few options at this point, he accepts Spencer back into the fold.

It may be a case of too little, too late, however, as Kimmi has her own plans. Now, before I get into what bugs me about this, I’m going to give Kimmi the praise she deserves. She’s a lot more adaptable than I thought she was. Not long after I got done criticizing her for learning how to play the game better than on “Survivor The Australian Outback”, but still stuck in that early era of gameplay, she finally ramps it up here, and joins the rest of us. It’s a great evolution to see, and makes me feel bad for that criticism of her. But with that said, there is something that is equally true and must now be said: Kimmi’s strategy is irksome. Oh, not because it’s a bad strategy; far from it! Kimmi’s trying to form a women’s alliance so that, once obvious target Joe is gone, the women can just pick off the men all the way to the final four. For Kimmi, this is a great strategy. It’s a move she can claim as her own, pretty much guarantees her final three (since both Kelley and Tasha are bigger threats than she is at that point), and even gives her a decent shot at winning. At least she’d get a better one than up against, say, Jeremy and Spencer. No, my problem with Kimmi’s move is the hypocrisy of it all. Remember back to the days of Bayon? WHO was the one ranting about not letting a “women’s alliance” form? WHO was the one leading the anti-Monica charge? And don’t misunderstand, I have no love for Monica. I stand behind my assertion that she was a waste of a spot this season. But for KIMMI to be the one who suggests a women’s alliance? The hypocrisy of it all is just killing me.

With that nice little nugget of strategy tucked away (Kimmi having talked to Kelley, and Kelley having talked to the others), we head off to our reward challenge, which, as teased last episode, is the loved one’s challenge. Probst tries to fake out the contestants that they’re not getting a personal loved ones visit this time, but no one really buys it. I’ll be talking about the challenge itself in a bit, but let’s focus on the positives first. This is a really nice set of loved ones here. A few here and there are just kind of standard, but most of them have some factor that makes them stand out, and I mean that in a good way. We start out with Jeremy, whose wife Val is able to come out and see him, marking the first instance ever in which the loved one who shows up for a challenge was previously a contestant on the show. Recall that Jeremy had been a bit broken up about leaving his wife while she was pregnant. For him, this is probably the best day out there. He even gets to learn the sex of the baby. They’re having a boy, and if they happen to be reading this blog, I wish them a hearty congratulations, and ask that they leave a comment so that I can have some vindication in my sad, pathetic life. Jeremy for some reason doesn’t want his fellow tribe members to know that he knows the sex of the baby for some reason. Guess it’s that whole “Not wanting to seem too emotional” thing from earlier in the season. Tasha’s cousin shows up, though Tasha says they’re more like sisters than cousins. Frankly, this is one of the less memorable reunions of the episode, but it’s decent nice to see. Spencer’s girlfriend comes out, and he’s able to get over HIS inability to express emotion by saying “I Love You”. While I still think this conflict for Spencer is a bit contrived, it’s a nice scene to have. You really feel for Spencer’s reunion here, and you also feel jealous, if you’re me, since Spencer seems to have done very well in the girlfriend department. Abi-Maria and her mother reunite next, and like on “Survivor Philippines”, demonstrates to us that even the most despicable human beings have someone out there who loves them. I also like the little detail about how they speak Brazilian Portuguese to each other. It’s a little thing, but it adds a unique touch, and it’s kind of a fun little surprise to see what they’re actually saying. Keith gets to reunite with his wife, and this is another one that falls a little flat for me. Again, it’s a nice enough reunion, but there’s nothing special about it, and Keith’s quip afterwards really doesn’t do it for me. Fortunately, we have Kelley reuniting with her dad Dale after this, which is much more interesting. Dale becomes the second contestant to ever reappear as a loved one, and we get to hear his thoughts on the hardness of staying behind while your loved one goes play “Survivor”, and his happiness that Kelley managed to do better this time. Maybe not the most emotional reunion, but still fun to see. I’ve got a lot for time for Dale Wentworth, more so than most. He was a bit clueless socially, but he had some good ideas, and was good for an entertaining quip or two. Here, we get to see his arc come full circle, as he got his daughter voted out of the game, but now she’s surpassed him. It’s nice to see. While Joe may be boring in most respects, the one time he showed more than just bland niceness was when he was bitter about not even being allowed to make the loved ones challenge, since he wanted his dad to share the experience. This time, Joe gets his wish, and his dad comes out of the jungle just like he’d imagined. Once again, it’s nice to see the story come full circle. Finally, Kimmi’s dad comes out to greet her, and sadly, we end on a low note. The only real significant thing about that visit was when Probst played up how Kimmi had waited “the longest” for her loved one, referencing the fact that, with Kelly out of the game, Kimmi is the contestant from the oldest season left. It’s true, but it feels very contrived. Probably should have saved Jeremy or Joe for last, in my opinion.

As to the challenge itself, as I hinted, it’s pretty blah. Each contestant digs up a sting with three bags of puzzle pieces attached, then spin around a pole to get at a fourth bag. Now dizzy, they have to cross a balance beam and untie a fifth bag, before getting out the puzzle pieces to solve a word puzzle. This one’s a combination challenge, taking elements from “Survivor One World” and “Survivor Cagayan”. Like many post-merge challenges, it lacks in scale. Parts of it are entertaining. The dizzy balance beam portion is decently difficult, and the puzzle is, in many ways, insidious. Unlike most puzzles, which have words that commonly relate to “Survivor”, this one spells out “Nutritious”, and for this particular puzzle, you need to remember to spell it backward to be right, which is no small feet on little food, water, or sleep. Sadly, though, the challenge just isn’t that exciting over all. At least it’s not a team reward challenge.

Most everyone makes it to the puzzle and gets confused (no surprise there), but it’s ultimately Kelley who wins. She gets a barbecue feast with her dad back at camp, along with three other people, meaning for once it’s not an individual reward challenge where you offend more than half the tribe. Kelley, being the smart, strategic woman she is, picks… Keith. Ok, didn’t see that coming. I guess there might be a bit of a “Survivor San Juan del Sur” bond there, but other than that, I see no logic in this choice. A women’s alliance is a good strategy for Kelley, but it’s tenuous at the moment. This alliance is the perfect time to solidify that bond. Admittedly, you probably don’t want to take ALL the women on reward, since that might look suspicious to the men, but KEITH? What’s the excuse for taking him. You probably don’t want to take Joe, since he’s your prime target, and you don’t want him getting food, but with both Spencer and particularly Jeremy, you can make the “They needed it most” argument for taking them, thereby deflecting flak from yourself. Kelley’s next two picks are logical, though, as she takes Abi-Maria and Kimmi with her. One could argue that, since Kelley is closely bonded with Abi-Maria, that it’s better to take Tasha than her, but given how vindictive Abi-Maria can be, I can’t argue with that call too much. What I CAN argue against is her choice when Probst lets her take one more person along. Now there’s really no excuse for not taking Tasha. Leaving her out will make her less likely to join the women’s alliance, and since you’ll have taken at least one guy by this point, there’ll be less suspicion. But no, Kelley makes probably the WORST choice in this scenario, and takes Joe. Rather than take the person you want to bond with the most, you take the person you want to target, and you feed them. I fail to see the logic here.

Everyone goes off to enjoy their reward in front of the other three, and it’s very nice. Joe and his dad have a bonding moment in front of the Orkun flag, and while it’s definitely a very genuine moment, and I should be invested, I can’t help but instead focus on Joe’s Dad’s hair. At last, the origin of the man-bun is revealed! Ok, technically his dad has a ponytail, but considering how similar their hair is overall, I’m considering it a proto-man bun. Joe’s is just a slightly more evolved version.

Despite Jeremy, Tasha, and Spencer having the fact that they didn’t get a loved one’s visit rubbed in their faces, they’re not overly bitter. Spencer makes one comment, and even that’s a qualified comment. The three do agree, though, that they’d make a nice final three. Tasha rightly states that she’s in a good position now, as, so long as Joe goes, she can choose whether to side with Jeremy, Spencer, and Keith, or with Kelley, Kimmi, and Abi-Maria. I’ll also give Tasha credit for not being bitter over the whole “Not allowed to bond on reward” thing. I expected her to consider that having “crossed her”, which she, as you will recall, does not take well. She plays very well here, and throughout the whole episode overall, save for one small moment that I’ll touch on in a bit.
Only the halfway point of the episode, and already we get to the immunity challenge. This is the final immunity challenge from “Survivor Samoa” where everyone holds a small wooden statue over their heads on an increasingly long pole. Last person with their statue aloft wins. Not to say that this challenge isn’t difficult, but it’s yet ANOTHER endurance immunity challenge, and I’m getting sick of them. It’s also not exactly one of the most memorable or dramatic looking endurance challenges ever. I know that, by design, endurance challenges are not going to be the coolest looking, but consider, say, “Hand on a Hard Idol”, the classic final immunity challenge. Overall, not much is happening, just people standing there, but MAN do they make it look awesome to stand there. The pose is epic, the landscape dramatic! THAT’S what you can do with an endurance challenge.

But let’s add some ketchup to that awful sandwich, shall we? How about we make this a gender-segregated immunity challenge? Yep, this is one of those where the last man and woman standing each get immunity. Normally, this isn’t too bad a twist, especially in larger merges, since it gives a somewhat fairer shot at immunity. Plus here, it might break up the monotony of St. Joe winning everything. But the problem is that this twist works best right after the merge, just to add shake-up upon shake-up. This late, it feels tacked-on and not right. Having double immunity right after the merge adds a sense of grandeur to it. Doing it randomly, having not done it at any challenge before, just doesn’t make sense to me.

Well, better find something to like about the challenge. Um… the little wooden statue looks pretty cool?

Everyone lasts a decently long while, but the women start dropping like flies, leaving Kelley with immunity. Jeremy and Spencer drop out shortly after, leaving it be, once again, a showdown between Keith and Joe. Oh boy, we all know where this is going. We’ve been teased with a medical emergency, and Probst has been going on and on this challenge about not letting the statue fall on your head. Keith’s the one who’ll be feeling this challenge the most, due to his older years, so doubtless he’s the one to make this mistake, and probably get evacuated from the game.

All this is a very logical assessment, and I’m willing to bet most people who watched this episode expected that to happen. For them, I just have one question: why is Joe lying on the ground, unconscious?

Yep, the show got me. I’d been all prepared to snark cynically about how Keith’s evacuation was telegraphed, but instead, he wins. Joe ends up collapsed on the ground from exhaustion, something no one would have expected from him. This surprise really amps up the drama of what otherwise would be a fairly run-of-the-mill medical emergency, at least by “Survivor” standards. It doesn’t help that Joe doesn’t immediately respond to the medical team, bringing to mind the near death of Russell Swan on “Survivor Samoa”. It really hits you hard, and it feels, in a sense, like the show blindsided you.

Thankfully, it turns out Joe just needed a moment, and is going to be ok, which I’m grateful for. While I’m not the biggest Joe fan in the world, I hate to see people get evacuated for medical reasons, especially when they’re really playing hard. Further, St. Joe really needs to be voted out for a satisfying conclusion, showing that, despite his improved gameplay, he really couldn’t win. Probst gives a big speech on playing hard that really goes nowhere, and we get sent back to camp.

As one might expect, St. Joe’s name gets tossed around a LOT following the challenge. Abi-Maria, of course, ruins any tender moments that we might have. At first, it seems like the misdirection is really going to fall flat, as St. Joe talks to Jeremy about voting out Abi-Maria. Now you may ask, “Who in their right mind would vote out Abi-Maria? She’s cannon fodder at the end!” And this is exactly St. Joe’s argument. No one will ever vote Abi-Maria out, so she takes up an end slot. It might be yours. Why let that happen? Well, St. Joe, I’ll tell you why. At this point in the game, with so few people left overall, the focus shifts from “How do I get to the end?” to “Who can I beat?” Your argument might have worked earlier, when there was more cannon fodder left in the game, but now? No sane person would vote Abi-Maria out, at least on that evidence. This is REALLY bad misdirection, and had this been all we got, I might have found it in me to dislike this episode.

Thankfully, Tasha’s one stupid move of the night gets us much better misdirection. Hoping to build trust with the guys, she spills the beans about the women’s alliance. This, correctly, gets the guys paranoid about said women’s alliance, and suddenly voting out Abi-Maria seems much more attractive. After all, one less woman in the game weakens the women’s alliance. Now, I get where Tasha came from in the decision to tell the guys. She wants to build trust with a final three alliance, and she doesn’t want to look like a double-crosser, should one of the disgruntled women try and shake things up. But in doing so, Tasha pretty much throws all her eggs into the guys basket, since this makes it harder for the women’s alliance to get together, thus eliminating her best asset at this point in the game. Not only is this bad in general, but I’d say she’s throwing her eggs in the wrong basket. She has a MUCH better shot at winning the game against the women than against Spencer and Jeremy. It does give us better misdirection, though, which I appreciate. For all this episode’s faults, I can say I genuinely don’t know who’s going at Tribal Council.

Given this episode’s Tribal Council, that’s a good thing. It’s not the worst, but it’s just sort of generic posturing, nothing really special. The votes are cast, and predictably, St. Joe gets crucified, I mean voted out. Can’t say I’m sorry to see him go. Joe is a nice guy and all, but if there was one flaw in the past couple episodes, it’s that most strategy centered around him to the point of exclusion of all others, either by targeting him, or using him to target someone else. With him gone, we can now move forward with new and exciting storylines. If he wasn’t going to win, leaving sooner is better. Plus, while seeing someone immunity their way to the end would have been neat, it does not a legendary winner make, in my opinion.

Was the the right decision? Of course. The women’s alliance is a threat, to be sure, but Joe winning overall is a much bigger threat. It works well for both the women and the men. Plus, Jeremy’s immunity idol and the possibility of having Tasha on board means that this move is less risky overall. Good on you all for not making the same mistake twice!

This episode still confuses me. It has a lot of elements to dislike, that I listed earlier, but the exciting bits were just SO exciting, and I had such a fun time, that I can’t in good conscience dislike this episode. The preview for next week looked boring, maybe I can rag on that.

You know something I love, though? The “Lore” reward challenge from last week. I’m still riding a high from that. Thus, it’s time for a new segment I call…

MATT’S MARK-UP!

Yeah, the title’s a work in progress. Point is, I wanted to do a “Top 5 and Bottom 5” of lore challenges last week, but the blog was too long as is. This one isn’t though, so I’ll do it now. trouble is, by the strictest definition, there are only seven such challenges in the entirety of “Survivor” History. Rather than do a “Top 3 and Bottom 3” like I’ve done in the past, I thought it better to just rank all seven from the least good to the most good, since none of them are “bad” per se. I’ll be using a strict definition here, so the challenge must be one where Probst tells a story (or lists off facts about the locale), and then people must go and answer questions about that story, either by free recall, or picking the correct response. The lore challenge from “Survivor Cook Islands” doesn’t count because the lore barely factored into the challenge, and was just “Put the answers in the right spot”, rather than having to figure out the answer. Limits set, let’s get too it!

7. “Survivor Guatemala”: It pains me to put this one as the lowest, since “Survivor Guatemala” is one of my favorite seasons, and this challenge from this season is part of the reason I became a “Survivor” fan in the first place. That said, this one is the least remarkable of them all. It’s very by-the-numbers, and the flags grabbed to signify a correct answer just don’t stand out very much. Making the stuff to grab color coded to person (rather than question) was a nice touch, but this one is just too unremarkable to put anywhere else.

6. “Survivor Africa”: Sunset is a very picturesque time to run a challenge, but as we’ll discuss later, it’s not sunset. This was still a pretty cool challenge, with the breaking of ostrich eggs to get the ribbons being a cool part. Setting the whole thing in an abandoned boma was also a nice touch. However, while the ribbons falling off the staffs made for a nice bit of tension in the challenge, it ultimately came to nothing, and just seemed like a design flaw in the challenge. Plus, I can live without hearing about the circumcision practices of the Masai, thank you very much.

5. “Survivor Vanuatu”: The tale of Roy Mata is probably my favorite of all the lore stories ever given on the show. It was engaging, relatively easy to follow, and actually played a part in the end of the season, which was a cool touch. Collecting pig tusks was different in a good way in determining who won, though I take issue with the fact that you couldn’t really tell which tusk was from which question. Makes it harder to play along. It was also nice to see Eliza, someone who hadn’t won immunity to that point, win. But this one took place in broad daylight (unlike the rest of the ones further up the list), and the course felt really small and contained, which detracted somewhat from the tension.

4. “Survivor Marquesas”: I want to put this one higher, I really do. Kathy’s warrior whoop after winning is one of my favorite moments of the season, and holding it at night with everyone having a torch was a very atmospheric touch. Sadly, though, the story isn’t memorable, and the totems everyone needed, while easy to see, were a bit generic and couldn’t really be distinguished from one another. As such, here must this season lie.

3. “Survivor The Australian Outback”: Shackling the contestants was a nice touch, and added an element of strategy as to which lock you went for first. Locks as the thing needed to be turned in was a bit generic, but it made the challenge feel like more of a cohesive whole. It also helps that they could get easily lost, adding some drama and a somewhat come-from-behind victory. Really, it’s hard to say what this challenge DOESN’T have going for it. Really, what’s keeping it down is that the two above it have similar to what this one has, but more.

2. “Survivor Borneo”” This particular lore challenge is well-remembered by most, and for good reason. While it does take place at sunset, rather than night, it’s incredibly appropriate. Creepy masks all over the place, a story that for once directly relates to the contestants, it does a good job of scaring you. Giving each contestant a camera to record answers on was a pretty nice touch as well. The crowning moment, though, is Rudy’s repeated “I don’t know.” to pretty much every question. I’d ask what could possibly beat this out, but by process of elimination, you know what it is.

1. “Survivor Cambodia”: How could I not give it to this season? This iteration of the challenge throws everything at you. Three possible answers instead of two. People making stupid mistakes. People being tricked into giving the wrong answer. An atmospheric night shoot. A FREAKING IDOL CLUE HIDDEN AT THE CHALLENGE! All that effort deserves to be rewarded, which is why this most recent lore challenge is the best ever.

Feel free to disagree in the comments, but I’m riding high on this season. Not feeling too optimistic about next episode, but let’s hope this season proves me wrong again!

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.

Idol Speculation: “Survivor Cambodia” Episode 7: The Needs of the Many

The merge episode. It’s always supposed to be a bit chaotic and exciting, and yet we were promised more than that this episode. Everyone from the teasers to Probst promised us greatness. And we got a lot of good stuff, don’t get me wrong, but this episode feels lacking, just due to not living up to the hype. Admittedly, part of the problem here is that the hype was so huge that it’d be hard for anything to live up to it, but that doesn’t change matters. Don’t mean to knock this episode, though, still a lot of fun. But, before we get into the details, we have to deal with…

MATT’S MESS-UP!

Just a lapse in memory this time around. Last blog, I erroneous claimed that Keith was the only person who had never been to Tribal Council this season. I was wrong. Keith hasn’t been to any Tribal Councils so far, but neither has Joe. I’ve so inextricably linked Joe and Kass in my mind, due to the cute relationship you see develop in the deleted scenes, that I kept thinking they’re on the same tribe, meaning that I thought Joe went to this past Tribal Council. But no, St. Joe has never attended Tribal Council. He is too holy for such things.

Unsurprisingly, we start off at Ta Keo (though the morning after, rather than the same night, for once), where Savage, true to character, is pissed off. Not that he doesn’t have reason to, the man just got blindsided at a vote. The last time that happened, he was the one the vote was for, and so didn’t have a chance to react. We see that when he does react, he’s actually pretty good. Don’t get me wrong, he’s pissed as all get out in the confessionals, but he handles things very well to everyone else. To quote Savage himself, he had his diplomat hat on, and basically just says “I wish you’d told me.”, and then talks Spencer, Kass, Ciera, and Abi-Maria into letting him make the merge, claiming that’s all he wants. Of course, that really ISN’T all he wants, but people seem to buy it anyway. Oh, and this also cements the brilliance of Ciera from last episode. Who does Savage blame for the flipped vote? Kass. Granted, Kass could have made it go either way, but it was really Ciera who organized that vote, Ciera who was to blame. We’ll see later that Savage hasn’t exactly forgiven Ciera either, but at the moment, she’s not his primary target. That’s pretty good gameplay, where you get the strategic chops, but not the flak.

Speaking of the merge, Bayon gets mail telling them to head down the beach, and await visitors. While not in rhyme, I have to say I like the mystery of this tree mail. True, we know that it’s the merge, due to the previews for this episode, but the notes vague enough to mean anything. Maybe the green berets from “Survivor Borneo” are coming back. Maybe Da from “Survivor Vanuatu” is coming to make camp life easier. Heck, maybe Paul and Joe from “Survivor Palau” rowed all the way to Cambodia for this special occasion. After all, it’s improbable. Tasha voices what everyone in the audience is thinking, pointing out that it’s kind of too early for the merge, with 13 people still left in the game. But nope, going back to Ta Keo confirms it, as they’re told to pack up their belongings and move to the Bayon camp. Savage praises both the rain and the merge, swearing revenge.

Sure enough, everybody finds some good food awaiting them, as well as bright orange buffs for the new merged tribe, which will later be named Orkun. For the first time in a while, I like this name. True, it would have been nice to find out who suggested the name and why, but it’s not a combination tribe name, and sounds pretty cool. Things are all copacetic at the merge feast, with many people, notably Kelley, praising the fact that they finally made the merge this time around. Kass also takes this time to gossip about the Woo vote, which would seem like something that would get talked about as a bad idea, but nothing really comes of it. Of course, it would be this season’s goober, Stephen, to break the tension, noting the obvious tension beneath the surface, and how once the feast ends, it’s on. Truly, he is our Jeff Varner this season. Even though we actually had Jeff Varner on this season. Weird, huh?

Still embittered, Savage is the first one to start scrambling, pulling Jeremy aside to find out if they’re still tight. Jeremy, wanting to keep his options open, assures Savage that they are, and the pair try to figure out how to get a majority of seven. They quickly conclude that they, Tasha, Kimmi, and Stephen are tight, and it’s a mark of how mad Savage is at Ciera and Kass that he’s willing to work with Stephen, the man Savage was on the warpath against from the beginning, in order to get the numbers. While Savage might get a bit whiny and preachy at times, the man demonstrated this episode that he really knows how to get down and diplomatic when he needs to. My kudos. They still need two more, and quickly realize that Kelly will fall in line, since she hasn’t had much thought since this game began, and fits in better with the more old school players, like Savage, than anyone else. That leaves a seventh, and suddenly St. Joe becomes a swing vote. But of course, there wouldn’t be much tension if the other side didn’t want St. Joe as well. Kass and Kelley Wentworth reconvene, trying to pull the new Ta Keo five of those two, Ciera, Keith, and Joe in together again. Kass is convinced that, after saving Spencer’s butt, he and Abi-Maria are firmly with them, giving them a seven majority. Kelley wants to talk with them individually, but seems to think this is a good plan, and like I’ve said before, it’s pretty good for all involved. It’s a solid enough alliance that it can get you a majority, but fractious enough that there’s room to maneuver even for those on the bottom. Plus, not as physically threatening as the bro down happening on the other side. Spencer, despite Kass’ certainty, is undecided about the future vote, and so he and Joe sit down to discuss things. Lest you think the arrogance of Spencer was completely gone, he gets a sarcastic confessional about having to speak a simplistic “Joe language”. Look, I think Joe’s pretty bland and all, but the guy’s not a complete idiot. Talk to him like a human being, I think he’ll understand. All this really does is reaffirm that the two are the swing votes, and probably going to stick together for a vote, at least. Joe has been talked to by Savage, while Spencer has been talked to by Kelley, so we’ll see how it shakes out.

Our next day begins with a veritable downpour, and all four people huddled uncomfortably in a small shelter. After Kass makes a joke about it being similar to being grounded, Stephen decides to bust out his Benjamin “Coach” Wade (“Survivor Tocantins”), and recite some poetry. Um, Stephen, are you SURE Coach is the person you want to emulate on “Survivor”. Not the best track record there, buddy. Actually, it makes for a nice little scene where, despite the vitriol that can come from a show like this, everyone bonds together and gives Stephen some nice snaps of appreciation.

Too bad old habits have to come in and ruin our mood. Kass, thinking it might be good to feel out some people on the other side, tries to talk to Tasha about her strategy currently, pointing out that it’s shaking out to be two sides squaring off. Tasha, not trusting Kass after “Survivor Cagayan”, spins her a line about the old Bayon being dead in the water, which Kass rightly picks up on as being bullshit. They’re both a little harsh to one another in the confessionals, but it’s pretty much just your average strategic scene. If only it had stayed in the confessionals.

Yes, Kass has decided that, since regular strategy talk seems to be getting her nowhere, it’s time to officially bring out “Chaos Kass” once again, which I have said all along is a bad idea. As Kass herself has said, you need to change to win this game, and Chaos Kass is the antithesis of change. Nevertheless, here she comes. She confronts Tasha about her lie, which Tasha claims Kass should have known was a lie. Oddly, despite this supposedly being a “Chaos Kass” move, I’m actually on Kass’ side here. While you may not like it that she’s calling you out, Tasha, you did spin her a lie, and obviously Kass realized it, since she’s confronting you. True, this ends any working relationship with Tasha, and Savage, as noted previously, is out the window, but that’s only two people you’ve ruined. You can salvage the rest.

That is, unless you bring the whole thing to the rest of the tribe. In an attempt to get the seemingly solid majority to turn on each other, Kass talks about what Tasha said to her, which Tasha vehemently denies. Strange part about all this is, Kass is telling the truth. Tasha didn’t mean it, but she did say those things. But that really doesn’t matter. The trouble here is that Kass, already on somewhat thin ice, looks bad. Thankfully, Ciera is there to compound the problem. Did I say “Thankfully”? I meant “Unfortunately”. Unlike Kass, Ciera spins actual lies about Savage, that go over about as well as you’d expect. The end result of this tidbit? The sides are where they are, and Kass looks bad. Yippee. Truly, we needed two segments to fully absorb that.

It’s time for our first immunity challenge, setting the bar for post-merge challenges, and it kind of a letdown. Coming from “Survivor Cagayan”, this is the “Hold a ball on a disk on a pole on an increasingly small balance beam” challenge originally won by Tasha. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a difficult endurance challenge, which is always a plus, but it’s just not that exciting.

Ciera talks about the merge being chaotic (there’s a shock), and we get into the challenge proper. People fall, it’s funny, but I must give particular mention to Stephen, the first one out of the challenge. Not so much that his fall in and of itself is funny, but he was also the first one out of the immunity challenge post-merge on “Survivor Tocantins”. Glad to see the years haven’t changed some things. In the end, St. Joe wins, which is actually a bit of a surprise. Not so much that St. Joe isn’t a “Survivor” God at every challenge, but that a woman didn’t win this one. Like it or not, challenges favor someone, and both endurance and balance challenges tend to favor women, so I’d have said someone like Tasha was going to win.

You’d expect the talk back at camp to just be your traditional one side versus the other sort of thing, but at first, it seems like a majority has been decided. Kass’ old habits have come back to bite her dearly, and Joe has decided that the other side is too unreliable. Joe is ready to bro down, and despite Savage’s vendetta against Ciera (having realized that Woo’s blindside was really her doing), pretty much everyone else wants to go for Kass, due to causing too much drama. Heck, even Keith, displaying as much brainpower as ever, opts in. So, it should be straightforward, right? Wrong. While no one thinks that Kass has an idol, there’s talk of splitting the vote just to be safe. As Jeremy says “Splitting the vote is never a bad idea.” Uh, Jeremy, yes it is! It can make a majority a minority, and with things so tenuous as is, I’m not sure it’s worth the risk. Still, with Kass, Ciera, Abi-Maria, and Kelley on the outs, something needs to be done. Rightly recognizing that the majority will split their votes, Kass talks to Spencer about voting with her and the girls to get rid of Tasha, since she’s a challenge threat. Kass banks on her showing loyalty to Spencer last time to keep him on her side, which is not a bad idea. Spencer certainly seems to be considering it.

Sadly, we know it will come to naught. If the target had been Savage, things would have been up in the air, but between the screentime Tasha has been getting versus Kass, there’s no question that Kass is going. Granted, it’s not as though Tasha’s been invisible this whole time, but what with Kass falling back into her old habits, plus the old Bayon majority seeming fairly solid, there’s not much question that Kass is going. Is this the smart move for Spencer? Probably. While I still think that the new Ta Keo alliance would have been a better one to stick with overall, with the way things have shaken out, you offend fewer people by getting rid of Kass, and it’s not as though there aren’t other people you could take to the end as a easy opponent. There’s upsides to both, but getting rid of Kass is the smart move, and Spencer is nothing if not smart.

As if we need more evidence of Kass’ ouster, Ciera pleads at Tribal Council for people not to be content with the bottom of the alliance. These are not the words of someone who has the majority. These are the words of someone desperate to get the majority. Not to say that Tribal Council is boring, by any means. There’s a decent spat between Kass and Tasha, some good facial expressions all around, and enough of a split vote to make one question who is really going home. In the end, though, Kass is out, though thankfully the first member of the jury. While I’m sorry to see her go, since she was overall playing a better game this time around, I can’t say she didn’t earn her exit. She herself said it best. She slipped back into her old patterns, and got the same result: a loss. I do hope she gets to come back sometime, but even if she doesn’t, I hope the first few episodes of the season showed people a different side of Kass, and that she CAN be a good player, when she doesn’t try to cause chaos.

Oh well, Kass is gone. So much for my theories.

Well, like I said, this was still an exciting episode. Some good gameplay, a lot of bad gameplay, and many exciting moments. I’d still say this season is seven for seven with good episodes. My problem here is not with the episode itself, but with the marketing. We were promised new craziness, stuff we’d never seen before. Apart from the 13 person merge, which I’m not happy about, and the orange merge buff, which hasn’t been seen since “Survivor Vanuatu”, there wasn’t a whole lot that was new. It was exciting, but we’ve seen split votes and flip attempts before. This was really nothing new. Not knocking the episode, of course, just wish the marketing toned it down a little.

But, as it’s the merge, it’s time for another:

TOP 5 and BOTTOM 5!

In honor of my personal favorite contestant this season, we’ll be talking about my favorite and least favorite first jury members from each season. Pretty self-explanatory. Let’s begin.

TOP 5

5. Coby Archa (“Survivor Palau”): While maybe not the most memorable juror ever, I do love how Coby basically played himself out of the game. He seemed to take the whole thing with good humor as well, so that’s always a plus.

4. Kelly Goldsmith (“Survivor Africa”): I’m a bit hesitant to put Kelly on this list, since she’s always been more of a “What might have been” character for the show, rather than an actualized character. Still, she brought a fun attitude to her jury question, and I do admire her spunk, so I’ll put her on the list.

3. Josh Canfield (“Survivor San Juan del Sur”): While I don’t think “Survivor San Juan del Sur” is the best the show has to offer, one of the better things about it was Josh. You might think this puts him on the bottom list, as it’s the loss of a great character. It made for a memorable boot, though, and was certainly exciting. Plus, once again, good humor about the whole thing, which I like.

2. Eliza Orlins (“Survivor Micronesia”): Yeah, you all knew this was coming. Those expressions, man, those expressions. And we got to watch them all throughout the rest of the season. Quite enjoyable, to say the least.

1. Lex van den Berghe (“Survivor All-Stars”): While Lex wasn’t a patch on Eliza for facial expressions, he held his own pretty well, with a lot of good smirks augmented by his mohawk. Plus, I just feel like Lex brought more strategically, both to the season and to the jury, than Eliza did, so he just edges her out.

Honorable Mention: Kass McQuillen (“Survivor Cambodia”): Since I haven’t seen how Kass will behave on the jury and at the Final Tribal Council, I can’t in good conscious put her on the list. But I’m optimistic. She’s quite fun to watch, quite intelligent, and I look forward to seeing how she spices up the jury.

BOTTOM 5

5. James “Rocky” Reid (“Survivor Fiji”): If you didn’t like this guy, you were mad that he got to stick around for the jury. If you liked this guy, you were mad that he didn’t stick around in the game proper longer. Either way, not a very good jury foreman. I fall into the former category, and found his antics more annoying than anything on an already weak season, and thus had to put him on the list.

4. Sarah Lacina (“Survivor Cagayan”): Another good person who was arguably gone too soon, Sarah really brought nothing to the jury, and was overall not the right decision, which is why she’s on this list. Kind of like Kelly on the other list, but with less of an enjoyable vote to get her out. Kass’ flip still brings me pain.

3. Erin Collins (“Survivor Thailand”): Erin could basically be a stand-in for all of the bland first jurors that “Survivor” has had over the years, but I find Erin to be a particularly egregious example. The woman wasn’t memorable, and being out before the merge on a season that was lackluster at best is a sure ticket to being forgotten, and ending up on this list.

2. Greg Buis (“Survivor Borneo”): Don’t get me wrong, the guy was entertaining as all get out. However, his antics went a bit too far at the Final Tribal Council, and the fact that his flip-flopping means people still, too this day, debate the legitimacy of Richard Hatch’s win, makes him too frustrating to put anywhere else.

1. Erik Cardona (“Survivor Samoa”): Yeah, he started out not seeming too bad. A little egotistical, and with now screentime compared to Russell Hantz, but not a terrible guy. Then came his speech at the Final Tribal Council. Don’t get me wrong, he had good points. It was just SO pretentious that it drives me insane, and lands Erik in the #1 spot!

Honorable Mention: Bobby Jon Drinkard (“Survivor Guatemala”): Less because he was a bad juror, but more because it was kind of an odd spot for him to go out in. After building him up as a returning player, Bobby Jon just kind of fizzled out. Not enough to put him on the list proper, but definitely not a stellar first juror.

And there you have it. Enjoyable episode, hope to see you next week. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to cry myself to sleep over the ejection of Kass.

-Matt

Title Credit to Jean Storrs.